The Accidental Occurrence
By Queen of Curses
Disclaimer: All of u kno I don't own anything but the plot. If u sue me, u'll get nothing cuz I don't got anything valuable...except maybe mah PS2.
A/N: i'm VERY sorry for the extremely long wait. If u need an explanation of why i couldn't update for so long, i suggest u take a look at my bio. Anywayz, thank u all for the uplifting reviews and the patience of everyone. I'm also still thinking of a name. I'm already considering one that I have gotten in a review. Also, about the chapter title, I know it's weird, but it makes sense. Well, enough of my rambling, here goes the fic!
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
"..." - Speech
/.../ - Thought
Chapter 3 - Amazons
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
One month after the McDonalds incident...
Our favorite sexy Egyptian woke, but stayed in bed. He glanced over at the alarm clock by the bed. It blinked 8:00 AM.
Malik's eyes went wide as saucers. /Holy shit. Isis and Ryou are visiting at 10! I have to hide Bakura! Or make him look less pregnant!/ He looked over to his best friend, who was still sleeping peacefully.
/Okay....I need to be calm....Isis and Ryou wouldn't be THAT mad to find out that their having either a niece or a nephew, right?/
And so he calmly got out of bed and took a long shower. Keyword: long. Unfortunately, the shower was most inconvenient because of the inconsistent temperature of the water.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! IT FREEZES!!!!!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS AGAIN!!!!!"
Then he got out of the shower (pissed off, if I might add) and dressed himself in black jeans and a light purple blouse-sort-of-thing.
Then he walked back over to Bakura, who was still sleeping. Then, he started examining his friend's stomach. /Whoa. It sure has gotten huge since that last time I actually paid attention to it./
And out of curiosity, he started poking Bakura's stomach.
"Hello! Are you in there? My name is Malik and I'm your father!" He said as quietly as he could not wanting to wake the 'mother'. But he just continued to poke, looking very stupid as he did.
/Good thing I hid all the mirrors. If Bakura ever found out how FAT he has become, he would be very upset. Yeah, he's always been conscious about his weight, his looks, his hair./
/HIS HAIR?! Now that I think of it, how DOES he get his hair that way? It does NOT look natural. Well, neither is mine for that matter . . ./
And so Malik continued to babble on to himself, all the while poking the former Tomb Robber.
"Maliky..." Bakura said in the sweetest voice he could muster.
"Yeah?" Malik answered, a bit surprised at the Thief's awakening.
"It's already been 30 damn fucking minutes, so can stop your assault on our child?" Bakura said with nasty voice, a growl, a snarl, and some other curses that I can't type.
/Mother's instinct..../ Malik though to himself.
Then, out of nowhere, Bakura asked Malik to buy him a huge purple teddy bear at the mall in the stuffed animals store.
"Umm....sure, Bakura. Oh, yeah, Isis and Ryou will be visiting at 10. K? Bye, honey!" Malik said, not realizing he had called his best friend 'honey'.
After the blonde had left, the albino's eyes went wide. /Fuck! Why today? I can't let them see me like this!/
/On second, though, maybe they won't notice. I didn't get THAT fat, did I?/
/Now that I think of it, I haven't seen my reflection in a mirror for quite a long time./
/Note to self: Find a mirror and check my reflection./
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
It was when Malik was already at the mall when he suddenly realized he had called his best friend 'honey'.
/Damn! What was going through my head?!/
/Oh, yeah....father's instinct..../
As he cautiously stepped in the stuffed animals store and looked around for what the pregnant male wanted.
/Huge purple teddy bear, huge purple teddy bear, huge purple teddy bear........WHAT IN THE NAME OF RA IS A TEDDY BEAR?!?/
And the blonde just kept walking through the isles, seeing shelves full of stuffed animals. He came upon a stuffed King Cobra.
"Ooh, I had a pet King Cobra back when I was 12. Then, he ran away." Malik said to himself in a childish voice.
He pick up the stuffed animal and slung it over his shoulder. He then came across a young woman of about 14.
"Hey, you there! Do you have any huge purple teddy bears here?" He asked.
The woman just stared at his shoulder and began to stutter.
"Umm....s-s-ir.....there's a-a-a-a real live s-s-s-nake on your shoulder...."
"Really? Oh, I should've known. But it's okay. I know my way around a snake."
And the young woman fainted on the floor. And right next to the spot where she fainted was a huge purple teddy bear with a tag that said HUGE PURPLE TEDDY BEAR.
"Umm....okay. I'm just leaving with these two thing's, okay?" Malik said, picking up the purple.....THING......and walked out the door, with his new pet King Cobra on his shoulder.
When he got into the newly-stolen car, he counted down from 10.
"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..." He counted.
BOOM
And the mall exploded.
/Good thing I'm safe here in the parking lot./
And Malik begun to drive back to the apartment Bakura and himself called home. But was pulled over by a cop.
"WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL ARE YOU DOING, MAN?" Malik asked.
"I'm sorry, miss, but I must confiscate your snake. It is against the law." The cop explained.
"MISS?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! I AM A MAN!!! IS IT *THAT* WRONG TO HAVE LONG HAIR?!?!?!?" The Egyptian yelled.
"No, miss--er--I mean, sir. But it *is* against the law." He said, taking the King Cobra out of the teen's possession.
"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING SHIT ABOUT THE DUMB LAW!!" And Malik drove away, ramming into the cop. And his only regret was leaving his snake behind.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
It was already 10:15 AM and Bakura was sitting calmly in the living room of the apartment.
/Good they're late. Enough time for me to calm down and not worry about being killed by either Isis or Ryou. Maybe I should go out for a while to get some ice cream before they get here./
DING-DONG
/Darn...too late./
And Bakura slowly opened the door, seeing a very cheerful Isis and Ryou. When they saw Bakura's figure, Isis was trying to conceal her laughter with her hand. Bakura's hikari was more straightforward.
"Yami? Why are you FAT?"
Then, Bakura's mood suddenly changed, he ran to the corner and began sobbing.
"PMS?" Ryou asked Isis.
"I don't think so..."
"Pregnancy?"
"Sounds pretty impossible, but it looks like it...."
Then Ryou went over to where Bakura was huddled in the corner.
"Are you okay, yami?"
"Does it look like it?" He snarled.
From out of nowhere, Ryou pulled out a box of cake and showed it to his yami.
"Cake?" He asked politely.
"Sure!" The former Tomb Robber replied, showing obvious signs that he was happy...again.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
15 minutes later...
Malik was stuck in traffic as he drove the stolen car. After not moving for quite a while, his left eye began to twitch.
/Stupid assholes..../ *twitch*
/Can't even drive.../ *twitch-twitch*
Malik then rolled down the window of the car and started screaming at the top of his lungs.
"IF YOU PEOPLE DON"T GET OUT OF MY WAY IN 10 SECONDS, I'M RAMMING MY DAMN WAY THROUGH!"
When no one paid any attention to him, he stuck his head out the window and started the countdown with an evil grin on his face.
/I can count! I'm so proud of myself!/
"10..........9.........8........7.........6.......5........4........3.........2.......1........"
"CCCCHHHHHAAARRGGGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And the Egyptian pressed as hard as he could on the gas pedal.
When, nothing happened, he just blinked a few times before realizing what had happen.
"I RAN OUT OF FRIGGIN GAS!!!!!! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
"Bakura, what do you think of this?" Ryou asked, pointing to a picture in a magazine.
"Hmm...it's too green. I think I'll like something in lavender." Bakura said, with a huge smile on his face, as he stuffed another slice of cake in his mouth.
"Ooh, how about this?" Isis asked.
"Umm....I think it's too revealing." The former tomb robber replied.
Ryou and Isis looked at the picture.
"You're right." They both said in unison.
"OMR (Oh my Ra) !!! This one is just *perfect* !!!" Bakura exclaimed as he pointed to another picture.
"You're right!" Ryou said.
"It *is* perfect." Isis commented.
"I'll order it for you right away." Ryou said.
"Ryou, it costs $1000." The 'mother' said as his light went to the phone to order it.
"Don't worry, Bakura. Ryou's *very* persuasive, and his innocence pays off." Isis assured.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
"YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!! HOW MUCH MORE DESCRIPTIVE COULD I BE!!! I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY IN A DEMENTED YELLOW VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE!!!!! JUST BRING THE FRIGGING GASOLINE!!!!!!!!" Malik screamed into the stolen cell phone to the dude at the gas station.
"What? Have I taken psychiatry? No, I haven't. Why are you asking?" The Egyptian answered after hearing what the man had said.
"You think I should? Well, SCREW YOU!!!!!!!" And he threw the cell phone out the beetle's window, where it was attacked by a group of buzzards that appeared out of nowhere.
It was already 10:45 and Malik still wasn't able to get any gas. Finally, he decided to steal another car. All he cared about was getting home to Bakura. So he really didn't give a damn if the police was going to pursue him for the newly stolen car.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
"How does this sound?" Ryou asked, turning on the CD player and handing the headphones to Bakura.
After placing the headphones on, Bakura gave his opinion. "Well, first off, it's too slow."
"Really?" Isis said, taking the headphones and listening to the tune.
"Yeah. I need something that shows love, but not in a sappy way." The 'mother' said.
"That will be pretty difficult. Let's move on to the next thing and get back to it later." Ryou said.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOST THEM!!!" Malik exclaimed as he turned a corner to get to the block on which the apartment was. Obviously, he 'them' was the police.
After he parked right next to a fire hydrant, he ran into the apartment building, carrying the huge purple teddy bear.
Then, he had to go through the task of running up the stairs to the 69th floor. When he got there, some random guy started talking.
"Dude, there's an elevator." he said, pointing to his right.
"Damn . . . ." Malik whispered to himself, pushing the random guy aside to get to the apartment door. He knew Isis and Ryou were already in there. After taking a few deep breaths, he felt he was ready for what was to come. But he never expected what he found, and therefore, passed out on the floor.
There in the living room were Isis and Ryou, whose hair were put up into a nice bun and wearing plain white dresses, working on their latest masterpiece. Their masterpiece of fashion, that is.
Bakura was standing in between both of them, wearing a fancy lavender gown, which had a silk halter top to match with a puffy silk skirt that went down to the floor. Isis, being the taller one, was braiding Bakura's hair into a countless number of tiny braids. Ryou was on his knees, painting his yami's fake fingernails and toenails white with a pink flower in the center.
And spread all around them were a countless number of opened bridal and marriage magazines. They advertised bridal gowns, wedding music, tips for a perfect wedding, etc.
When, Malik came to 10 minutes later, he was greeted by a hyperactive Bakura hugging him tightly. When he pulled away, and got a better look at his best friend, he passed out . . . . . . again.
When he woke up another 10 minutes later, the first thing he did was grab Bakura by the waist and sling him over his shoulder, not caring if his back would give out from the weight.
Then, Malik ran like Anubis was after him for all the terrible deeds he had committed. He ran down the stairs from the 69th floor to the 1st floor and found the random guy again.
"Dude, there's an elevator."
"Darn it all . . ." Malik said, once again pushing the random guy out of the way and kept on running till he and Bakura were outside the apartment building.
By the time they were out there, Malik was panting and passed out for the third time in this chapter.
He gained consciousness pretty soon.
"You like?" Bakura innocently said, showing off his new look to the father of his child.
"LIKE?! THOSE TWO AMAZONS TOOK YOU PRISONER AND WERE TRYING TO TURN YOU INTO ONE OF THEM!!! I SAVED YOUR ASS!!! AND ALL I GET IS A "DO YOU LIKE?"!!!!!!!!!!" The blonde screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Umm...Maliky, aren't Amazons supposed to be women? Ryou isn't a woman." Bakura curiously asked.
"EXACTLY!!" Malik said, still panting.
When he had calmed down, he finally realized that Bakura *did* look good in what he was wearing.
"So I repeat," Bakura started, acting serious, "Do you like?"
"Yes, Bakura, I like." Malik said, giving one of his rare smiles that didn't look at all psychotic.
And Bakura smiled back, and hugged his friend. "Good. Because we're getting married."
And for the fourth and final time in this chapter, Malik passed out.
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡
QOC: I was sooo happy when I got this chapter done, that I let out a big sigh. Again, I am sorry to all those who were waiting for this chapter to get posted up. By the way, I need more opinions on what the name of their child should be and whether it should be a boy or a girl. I also need to know what sort of last name he/she is going to have. Bakura-Ishtar? Ishtar-Bakura? Anywho, just as always, *please* review. They encourage me greatly.