Chapter Eight; The Hogwarts Express
The week spent at the Burrow swept by quickly and happily for all members involved. The young students spent their days outside, either fishing in the pond, de-gnoming the garden, or flying around. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George spent long hours playing mini-Quidditch games. Since there were only five, Ginny would play Keeper, protecting the single make-shift goalpost. Ron and Harry were the two Chasers, and Fred and George the two Beaters. The four would split into two, both trying to get past Ginny in the goal.
Ginny turned out to be an outstanding Keeper, very rarely letting anything past her. She was a superb flyer and managed to pull tricks and stunts on even the older brooms that the Weasleys had. The boys were thrilled beyond belief that she would be trying out for the team this year, since Oliver Wood's spot was still vacant. Ron was slightly disappointed that he wasn't going to be trying out for the team, but since the only spot open was the Keeper position, and he absolutely couldn't play Keeper, he wasn't too upset.
For Hermione, the week also went very quickly. Albus and her parents had decided to not unbind her powers just yet, but she spent the week teaching herself to do more wand-less magic. There were many spells and incantations that she still could not manage, but for a witch with her powers bound, she was doing extremely well. Especially considering that she was teaching herself. She also improved greatly on keeping up her Glamourie spell. She could now hold the spell for several days at a time. However, by the end of the week, she asked her parents to place the spell on her once more, just as a precaution.
Severus had gone back to Hogwarts after their trip to Diagon Alley, but Hermione owled him regularly, asking for advice or answers to one thing or another.
Before anyone realized, it was time to leave for King's Cross Station. Harry, Ron and Ginny met Hermione on Platform 9 ¾ half an hour before the train was supposed to leave. Together, they lugged their trunks and animals cages into a compartment on the last section of the train, then went back outside to say goodbye to their families.
"Now remember to owl us regularly, Hermione. We want full updates on how you are doing at school, understood?" Elizabeth asked, subtly hinting at what she actually wanted updates on.
"Yes mum, you know that I'll keep you informed. See you during the holidays," she replied, hugging her mother, then her father.
Her mother turned to hug her one more time, whispering in her ear, "I know that we said it was a bad idea contacting Severus while you're in school, aside from your lessons of course. But if something does go wrong, he better be the first person you go to. And we are sorry for keeping everything from you all these years, dear. I'm sorry we can't be there when you're introduced to your Grandmother properly. I know that this is going to be a hard year for you, but if you need us, we will come and stay closer to Hogwarts," she finished with a kiss on Hermione's head.
"Thanks mum," Hermione whispered, kissing her mother's cheek, then hugging and kissing her dad one more time. "I'll write you about everything. Love you both!"
"And we love you, 'Mya. Have a good term," her father replied, putting his arm around Elizabeth as Hermione walked back to where Harry was waiting.
A few feet away from them, the Weasleys were saying their goodbyes. Molly was grabbing everyone for bone-crushing hugs and lecturing about not getting into trouble or blowing up toilet seats. After finishing with her own family, she rushed over to Harry and Hermione and pulled them into hugs as well.
"You all better do well in school this year, you lot," she said affectionately. "No getting into trouble or trying to save the world, you hear me? If I have to send one Howler, I-"
"Mum, we get it. We'll be good," interrupted Ron. "We'll see you during the holidays. Bye mum." He gave Molly another quick hug before dragging Harry and Hermione back onto the train. Ginny also gave Molly another hug before running to catch up with the trio.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The first half hour or so of the ride was spent playing exploding snaps and just sitting and talking to one another. After the friendly elderly witch came around with her cart, and the four had had their fill of sweets and pies, Harry broke the comfortable silence.
"I forgot to tell you guys what happened the morning we went to Diagon Alley," Harry spoke up suddenly.
"What happened? Did it have to do with your family?" asked Ron.
"Well, kind of. I had just woken up and my aunt Petunia knocked on my door and said she needed to talk to me."
"What's so strange about that?" Ginny asked curiously.
"You guys don't know my aunt and uncle. They've never said they wanted to talk to me, and she never knocks on my door. Usually they just yell or something and Uncle Vernon practically knocks the door down when he bangs on it."
"What did she want?" asked Hermione.
"She wanted to talk to me about what happened at school and about how I'd been acting over the summer. They knew about the third task because of Dumbledore and I guess I was acting kinda strange."
"What do you mean by strange? I mean, we all know you're strange, but stranger than usual?" Ron asked with a grin.
"Very funny, Ron. But seriously, I hadn't even realized it, but she said I became depressed and stuff. I never answered back or tried to get away from Dudley and his gang. She said I reminded her of her father after her mother died," he said softly.
"Wow. You didn't realize? What happened?" asked Hermione.
"I don't know. At first, it was fine. Everyone just kind of left me alone. But then I guess I started thinking about everything. You know, the third task, Cedric's death, Voldemort returning. Sorry Ron," he finished sheepishly as Ron winced on hearing Voldemort's name.
"Harry, you can't be blaming yourself for what is happening!" Hermione said, desperately trying to convince him that he wasn't the cause of the Voldemort's 'rebirth'.
"But it was my fault! Don't you get it? I'm the one that Voldemort's always been after. Everyone who died or was hurt was hurt because of me! Cedric is dead because of me!" Harry practically yelled at them.
"Har', it's not your fault. It's his fault!" proclaimed Ginny viciously. "Just like you told me that opening the Chamber wasn't my fault, but Tom Riddle's. You told me not to blame myself for the petrified students because I didn't know what was happening. How could you blame yourself for what happened then?" she asked him.
"But I let him die!" Harry yelled, his voice cracking as though he were in pain. "I stood there and did nothing while he killed Cedric! Don't you see? I told Cedric to take the cup with me! If I hadn't been so stupid, and if I had just listened to him and taken the cup by myself, then he'd still be alive! It was my fault that he died!"
"Stop it! Harry, it wasn't your fault, you have to listen to us!" Hermione said desperately. She placed her hands on his shoulders and stopped to look him straight in the eyes. "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. You told us how you two argued over who should have reached the cup first. How could either of you have known that it was a Portkey? He was as much to blame as you, and that's only because you are both fair and caring people. You have to stop beating yourself up about this, Harry! It really wasn't your fault. Ginny's right, its all Voldemort's fault!" she continued, practically shaking him at the last statement.
Slowly, Harry began to shake his head, mumbling softly "You guys don't get it. You just don't get it."
He then slumped forward onto the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest, his head in his arms to hide the tears that had started streaming down his face. Hermione and Ginny rushed to either side of him, enveloping his trembling form, trying to comfort him. Ron quickly went to the door and made sure it was shut. He stayed there, making sure no one would disturb them.
"Harry," he said softly, "Hermione's right. You did as much as you could, more than a lot of people could have done and would have done. You fought You-know-who for Merlin's sake! You fought the Dark Lord and you're still alive to tell of it, and you didn't even ruin your pants like most other people would!" he said with a small smile. "You brought back Cedric's body, Harry. You risked your own life to return it to his parents. I don't know of many people who would have done that. I don't even know if I would have," he finished softly. There was silence in the compartment except for Harry's soft sobs.
Ginny broke the silence by asking softly, "Harry, do you really blame yourself for all of this? I mean, really and truly think it's your fault?"
Head still buried in his arms, Harry replied in a shaky voice, "He's dead you guys. You don't understand. I couldn't stop it. Even if I'm not to blame, I was there and I didn't stop Wormtail from killing him. And the only reason why Voldemort's back is because of Wormtail. And the only reason Wormtail is still alive is because I stopped Sirius and Lupin from killing him. I let him go back to his master, and then I let him kill Cedric, and then I helped him bring back Voldemort! It was my blood…MY BLOOD that brought him back. And now what? You guys are in danger because you my best friends. Your families are in danger because by hurting you, it'll hurt me. Hogwarts is in danger because I go to school there. The whole wizarding world just had a psychotic mass-murderer returned to them and no one wants to believe it! How am I supposed to feel? How can I not blame myself?!" He finished, no longer crying but still shaking.
Hermione put her arm back around him and said softly, "Harry, no one can tell you how you're supposed to be feeling or what you're supposed to think. And what you just said is understandable. But none of this is your fault. Everything happens for a reason, remember? How many times have we heard those words in the past four years? You may think that by letting Wormtail live, you set this whole thing in motion. But whether he was alive or not, I assure you that both Crouch and Wormtail would have found Voldemort sooner or later, and the results would be the same, if not worse. Maybe Cedric would still be alive, but others would be dead in his place. And as much as I hate to admit it, a lot of people will die and be hurt in the future, in the war we know is inevitably coming. But you have to believe me when I say, when we all say, that none of this is your fault! None of it! We all know how much you've fought against him, saving countless lives already, and it's only our fifth year! I know that you'll save many more lives in the future, but in order to do so, you have to stop blaming yourself for something that you had absolutely no control over. Ok?"
Through her whole speech, Hermione was finally realizing what it was that hse had to do. She had to rid the world of Voldemort, of the wizard who was ruining so many people's lives, including the lives of her closest friends. As she held Harry in her arms, she vowed to herself that she would work harder than she had ever worked before to kill the man causing so many problems.
Ron walked over to Harry and added, "I agree Harry. Don't beat yourself up about it. You're doing everything you can to stop this, so how can you blame yourself for causing it? You shouldn't. If you focus on the bad stuff, the stuff You-know-who does, then you wont be able to help everyone else," he finished.
"You know, for once I have to agree with them, Potter," came a soft drawling voice from the doorway of the compartment.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Draco made his way through the train, looking for the famous trio. He had said good-bye to his mother that morning before leaving for the station.
The week spent with his grandmother was extremely pleasant. For the first time, he enjoyed the visit, being included by his mother and grandmother into conversations about the war and the fight against Voldemort. He had fully recovered from his last 'meeting' with his father, and it was exceptionally satisfying to not have to hide from someone, fearing for your life every time they laid eyes on you.
His grandmother had been thrilled when she heard about Draco joining the Order. They had spent many long hours talking about events during Voldemort's first reign of power. She told him stories that he had never heard before, and was disgusted by the fact that his father had been an active participant in most of them. He was even more disturbed that his father had wanted him to join him in his acts of animalism.
He was relieved to be away from his father and felt at peace for the week before school. But the inevitable drive to the Station with his father had been unsettling and disturbing. His father had been certain that he had knocked some sense into his son, and had gloated about things he had done and things Draco would eventually do.
Draco shuddered upon remembering some of the horrid details of raids and revels. He was glad he wouldn't be in contact with his father until the end of the year.
He was moving quietly and slowly through the train, relaxing in the familiar atmosphere. He checked compartments as he went from one section of the train to another, not finding the trio anywhere. Peering through the doorway closest to him, he groaned when he realized who was occupying it.
"Draco!" shrieked the girl in a sickly sweet and equally shrill voice. "We've been waiting for you. Where have you been?" Pansy Parkinson asked, fluttering her mascara-drenched eyelashes in a way that would have been enticing had they not belonged to Pansy.
"Hello Pansy, Millicent, Crabbe, Goyle. How've you been?" he asked coldly, nodding to each of the inhabitants of the compartment.
Mumbled and incoherent answers reached his ears from Crabbe and Goyle. Millicent said nothing, just nodding in return, as Pansy attached herself to Draco's arm, dragging him down to sit beside her.
In the past, there had been an unspoken agreement between the Malfoy and Parkinson families that one day Draco and Pansy would wed, and Draco had always been fine with this assumption. Now, however, he was beginning to question everything his father had laid out for him, which was everything. His future, his friends, if you could call them that, his wife. Draco didn't want anything to do with them, because they were somehow related to his father, and to him.
Quite abruptly, Draco stood up, shaking off Pansy's hand.
"Have something I have to take care of," he said to their questioning looks.
"Want us to come with you?" Crabbe asked, pointing to Goyle and himself.
"No, I don't need you around all the time. I'll see you guys later." And with that he swept out of the compartment.
He started down the hall, once again checking compartments for the trio he was looking for. He passed compartment after compartment, but none held the Gryffindors he was looking for. Reaching the last compartment of the train, he stopped, listening before opening the door. Sure enough, he heard Hermione's voice through the door. Listening intently to what Hermione had to say, and then to Ron's addition, he put together what they had been talking about.
Slowly and quietly opening the door of the compartment, he was able to catch clearly the last of Ron's sentence.
"…If you focus on the bad stuff, the stuff You-know-who does, then you wont be able to help everyone else," Ron finished.
Draco stepped completely into the compartment and said, "You know, for once I have to agree with them, Potter."
The four Gryffindors in the room swung around to face him when they heard his voice, and he was shocked when he realized that Potter had been crying. His eyes were red and sunken, and he looked miserable, Draco noticed.
He heard Ron cursing himself for leaving his post at the door and letting Malfoy disrupt them during their conversation and turned to look at him.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Ron spat angrily. "I notice your bodyguards aren't here. You sure you want to mess with us after all you said and did last year?" he continued angrily.
To the surprise of the Gryffindors, Draco sighed and turned to shut and lock the compartment door. He then turned back to them, looking…remorseful.
"Look," he began, faltering slightly as if he didn't know how to say what he wanted to. "I know you all have cause to hate me and everything, and that I've been a complete arse for the past four years. You never deserved to be treated the way I treated you, or talked about your family, or degraded you because of what you were born into. God knows that I hate what I was born into. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for everything I've done, and all the pain I've caused you four and all the others who I might have hurt," he paused here, waiting for some kind of response.
When all he received from the four were blank, shocked looks, he continued. "I know you probably think I'm a Death Eater, or will be one when we graduate, but that's not going to happen. I am never going to become a Death Eater…ever." At this statement, he opened pulled up his shirt sleeve on his left arm, exposing the bare skin where the Dark Mark would have been. "I'm fighting on your side, against him, for the Light, and I just wanted to let you guys know. I…I guess that's it." He finished then waiting for some sort of reaction from the stunned Gryffindors in front of him.
Suddenly, Ron snorted and said, "You honestly expect us to buy that? Who are you and what have you done to Malfoy?"
Hermione looked at Ron in exasperation, then back at Draco. Draco realized that she was watching him carefully, as if searching for some sort of information that only she could see.
Finally, Harry broke the silence again. "Malfoy, -"
"My name is Draco. Don't call me Malfoy again, alright?" Draco interrupted malevolently, eyes glittering at hearing himself addressed by his surname.
The Gryffindors looked at him in surprise at the violent repulsion and loathing found in Draco's voice when he said the name 'Malfoy'.
Harry started to speak again, caught off-guard by the interruption and faltering slightly. "Alright…Draco. Do you expect us to believe that after four years of being against us, of doing everything in your power to fight against us, we're going to believe you because you come in here and apologize? Why should we believe anything you said?" he asked.
Draco's eyes hardened dangerously as he replied, "Let's just say I had some sense knocked into me, literally. I had never really given much thought to joining the ranks of Death Eaters, especially when He-who-must-not-be-named wasn't even around. But this summer, after his return, I was forced to choose. I chose against him. I didn't want, and still don't want anything to do with my father's line of work. I could never see myself torturing, raping, or killing innocent people just for sport. So I told my father no."
"You what?" Ron squeaked.
"I told him I didn't want to be a Death Eater. Needless to say, he wasn't too thrilled. Let's just say that this summer definitely ranks as one of the worst in my life. The last weeks, I was beaten within inches of my life, healed, and then beaten again when I had recovered. You have no idea what that was like. Why would I want to fight on the same side as someone who would do that…of someone who would do that to his own son for Merlin's sake. So if that's not a good enough reason as to why I fight for the Light, then I don't know what is," he finished, once again waiting for a reaction.
"You're really serious, aren't you," asked Hermione quietly, still watching him intensely.
"Yes, I am," he replied just as quiet, returning the stare.
"Does Dumbledore know what your father did to you?" asked Ginny tentatively.
Draco smiled slightly and answered, "Yes. He was the first one my mother told after healing me the last time."
"Your mother told Dumbledore? Then…your mother works as a spy doesn't she?" Hermione asked.
Draco nodded once. "No one must find out I told you that, or both her life and mine would be in serious danger."
"It's not like we don't know how to keep a secret Malf-…Draco," Harry said, still mulling over the new information in his head.
"You guys, does this mean that you believe him? Just like that?" asked Ron skeptically.
"I believe him," Hermione said firmly. Harry and Ginny nodded in affirmation.
"Thank you," Draco said softly.
"So what happens now, Draco?" Harry asked wryly. "Do we all become best friends and give all the teachers heart attacks from the shock?"
"Amazing that you can still joke, Potter," Draco answered with a real smile.
"Come on, if we have to call you Draco, no more last names for you either" Hermione protested. "And definitely no more Mudblood, understood?"
"Ah, yes…sorry about that. But the answer to your question Pot-…Harry, is no. We are still sworn enemies to everyone except for us and old Dumbledore. No one can know of this little meeting here. To everyone else, the four of you hate me as much as I hated you, got it?"
"Humph…I won't have any trouble pretending with that, Draco," said Ron with a smile.
"Hate to break the moment, guys, but we're here," Ginny interrupted. "Time to go."