Homestar Fantasy: Final Fantasy 6 starring the cast from www.homestarrunner.com
Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Squaresoft, or rather Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
(Author Note: Yeah I know it's not possible to get Drill early in FF6, but I really needed to have it used early, but of course, in the next chapter, the current drill will kick the bucket.)
Chapter 3: Correct but 'Dangeresque' path to the Hideout
(Away from the Desert)
Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Coach Z, and Bubs continued riding their Chocobos towards the way to the Concession Cave. Homestar asked a question along the way.
"Uh Bubs?" Homestar asked, "What wus that thing that you used on the freaking robot?"
"Oh this?" Bubs replied, "It's a Drill, and unfortunately the last one in stock."
Of course, the drill broke to pieces. "Oh man! And it was pass the warranty!"
"Oh Crap!" Strong Bad said, "What was the warranty?"
"6 months after firing it up. After the warranty expires, the moving parts break. Oh man, I'm gonna have to get a replacement Drill as soon as my Concession Castle rises back up, and when it orders a whole bunch more!"
After the small discussion, the five arrived at the Cave of Concession. They got off the Chocobos and waved goodbye to them, as they ran off. Coach Z took a look inside first, then jumped out. "It's so dark in there!" Coach Z said, "How are we going to go through this 'plaerce', er I mean place?"
"Uh, Coach Z, it's not really that dark in there," Strong Bad replied, "It's just the entrance that's dark. the rest of the place seems pretty bright."
"Oh, I guess I deed not go further. Oh well. Lets get going, boys!"
The five then entered the cave. It started dark, but surprisingly, it was pretty bright here. Torches were on the walls. Ahead, there was a spring, and a turtle inside. Across was an opening, but of course, it was too far a distance and would be too risky to get everyone to jump across, so they just ignored the spring for now and continued on through the passage to the right of the spring. They continued through the complex cavern, but of course it was full of monsters. Strong Bad noticed the hives on the ceilings. "Oh crap," Strong Bad said, "There's Hornet nests in this place! Since when do caves have freaking Hornet Nests?!?"
Of course, this only woke the Hornets inside, and then Crawlys came out as well. "Oh man!" Strong Bad shouted, "We're so in freaking trouble!"
The hornets went charging towards Strong Bad. He blocked their stingers with his boxing gloves and squashed the hornets with them. A Crawly managed to use some sort of goo which caused Strong Bad to have a heartburn. "Oooooh man, I need an Antacid," Strong Bad said in pain.
Homestar bashed some of the Crawlies with his baseball bat, while The Cheat used the 'Meat Seeker' Cheat on the rest of the Crawlies, annihilating them. More hornets came out, which Bubs impaled with a couple of lucky Autocrossbow bolt shots. The bugs were annihilated, but more Hornets came flying out of their hives and chased the five. "Agh! Get theser Hornyets away from me!" Coach Z shouted as he ran away from the Hornets with the others.
They were lead through the many twists in the cave, running into some small critter-like furry things called Blearies. With the Hornets still after them, the five ignore the critters altogether, and make a run for the exit. Unfortunately, it is blocked off by some more Crawlies. "Oh man, dis does not look good for any of us," Homestar said.
"Well, I hate to use this, but there seems to be no other way out," Bubs said, as he pulled out the Bio blaster. Bubs shot out plenty of toxins into the air, causing the Hornets to choke in it, as well as some of the unlucky Blearies who got in. Homestar Runner casted Fire on the offending Crawlies blocking the exit for the cave. The Hornets still spawned. "Oh man! There's too many of them!" Coach Z shouted out, "They seem very determined to destroy us!"
Everyone ran out through the exit. Surprisingly, the Hornets did not bother flying after them outside, because those hornets did not like the sunlight. "Oh man, that's the worst place I've been to," Homestar said.
"That's because the freaking cave is full of dangerous critters, Homestar!" Strong Bad replied, "Now cut it with your remarks!"
"Meeeehmmeeeeameeeeneeeehmeeeah" (I wonder if that Children/Arrowed Guy has quit...) The Cheat asked.
"Well, I don't know The Cheat," Bubs replied, "But from what has happened, I doubt it. They're probably going to take over Concession much later."
Meanwhile, at Vertex...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Children/Arrowed Guy was really nervous, failing to get Homestar Runner from the others. "What's the King of Town gonna say when he finds out that I failed to get that Homestar Runner?" He said to himself.
Children/Arrowed Guy walked to the castle, and saw the King of Town, along with Marzipan and two Imperial Soldiers. "So, did you manage to get Homestar Runner back here?" The King of Town asked.
"Couldn't even do it worth anything!" Children/Arrowed Guy replied, "And all thanks to the traitor King Bubs, and those idiots Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Coach Z!"
"Well, I'd discipline you, but food is more important to me than punishing you, so you get a second chance at getting Homestar Runner. Otherwise, don't come back here! By the way, Concession will be invaded soon and Marzipan will be taken there for imprisonment, then annihilated!"
"How could you do this to me?" Marzipan asked, "I'm your daughter, remember?"
"Still, you're a traitor!" The King of Town replied, "And I'd go out of my way to annihilate you, but all I'm thinking about right now is a fifty-course meal!"
And with that, the King of Town left the room, leaving the Children/Arrowed Guy and the others inside. "Lets square off at the lands around Castle Pomo. There's an Imperial Base nearby. You guards with Marzipan go to South Concession as soon as we're notified that the members of the Returners are not there, and make sure Marzipan is brought there too!" Children/Arrowed Guy ordered.
Marzipan was then carried away, out of the throne room. Children/Arrowed guy snickered. "You're gonna fail in no time, Returners! Not even Homestar Runner will be of much help! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!"
Now, back at South Concession...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Homestar Runner and the others arrived at the town of South Concession. This place was pretty big. "We should arm ourselves for the next length of our trip towards the Returners Hideout. Mt. Koltz can be a dangerous place!" Bubs tells the others, "Lets head for the Weapons and Armor shops. We should be able to get ready."
Homestar stuck to his own baseball bat, as it was already powerful enough. Strong Bad got his hand on a Mithril Blade, while Bubs got a RegalCutless and the Cheat went with the Mithril Blade like Strong Bad did, seeing as there are no spears or lances available, and that it was incredibly heavy for him. Coach Z got his hands on a Regalcutless like Bubs did, though he needed to use both hands to hold it. Next, they went to the Armory shop. Everyone except the Cheat got Plumed Hats and Heavy Shields, because the Cheat decided to go with a hair band and a buckler, because it's difficult enough trying to lug around a Mithril Blade and will take a while. Of course, Strong Bad had to get a Kung Fu Suit for himself, because they looked cool in his opinion. Now, they were all ready. "Hey, wait a minute!" Strong Bad said, "What about the freaking Relics? We can't just go without Relics! We could get sick or something if we don't have the appropriate relics!"
So, everyone goes to the Relics shop next. Homestar picks the Star Pendant and Sprint Shoes, The Cheat takes Goggles and a Star Pendant as well, Strong Bad gets Star Pendant and True Knight, Coach Z takes Goggles and Sprint Shoes, and finally Bubs takes Jewel Ring and Goggles.
"Well, that's done. Lets go to the Cafe and get some Cold ones and rest up before we get going," Bubs said.
The five went to the cafeteria that was near the end of the town. They enter the cafe, and of course, they find Homeschool Winner and that creature that's a mix between a cow and a helicopter (See Strong Bad Email 74 'Crazy Cartoon' if you don't know what it looks like). "Hey Homeschewl Winnar!" Homestar called out.
Homeschool turned around. "Hey there, guys," Homeschool replied, "Sorry, but I'm doing business, but it ain't anything that's related to death and destruction. Besides, I'm not ready for doing it yet. It's a shame we ended up here because of a cursed copy of...."
"Yeah we know," Strong Bad interrupted, "Of the Final Fantasy Anthology. I did not even think what I was doing playing it. Oh crap! What months have passed by since being thrown into this world!"
"Well, we'll meet any of yous later, because me and this funny creature that sounds like a helicopter are off to do business. See you later!"
And so, Homeschool Winner went off to his way. "Well, I guess Homeschool's not joining us immediately," Bubs said, "If he has work to do, then I guess we better keep him working then."
After the discussion, Homestar, Strong Bad, Coach Z, The Cheat, and Bubs went to the table. Who else was the person at the bar than Thomas. "No way! It can't be!" Strong Bad said.
"Yes, it is me, Thomas. I appeared in Teen Girl Squad issue 2 and I used a bat on 'What's Her Face'. I enjoyed doing that." Thomas responded, "So, cold ones you want?"
"Yep." Bubs replied.
"Okay! Cold ones coming right up!"
And with that, Thomas rushed. A distance away, a 'Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!' could be heard outside. Apprantly someone tried making off with a package of cold ones. Thomas returned with the Cold ones and handed one to each of the five. "So, where are you five going?" Thomas asked.
"Uh, we're heading off through Mt. Kolts." Strong Bad replied.
"Oh, I see. You know, Duncan and his disciples have went off in the mountains, and I think I sighted Stinkoman making his way there too."
"Okay, and anything else?" Strong Bad asked, as he drinks his cold one.
"The place is rumored to be dangerous, with there being plants capable of poisoning travellers and stuff, and vicious mammoth beasts there as well. I'd be careful when you go through Mt. Kolts if I were you. You should head for the items shop and stock up on goods there."
"Oh man," Homestar said, "Plants that actually poison people like us? Sounds like it's pwetty dangeresque!"
"Indeed Homestar," Thomas responded.
Soon the five were done with their cold ones. "Oh man. It's like 1:00 am in the morning and I haven't slept well since that Children/Arrowed Guy wrecked our sleep," Strong Bad said. I'm heading to the Inn and crashing in."
And after the others waved their goodbyes to Thomas, the five went off to the inn. The price was pretty decent. The five got into bed, but of course The Cheat slept in the same bed with Strong Bad, and they all went to sleep. Homestar hasn't had another dream of what happened in the previous months being stuck in the World of Balance.
Speaking of which...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Back at Vertex, one of the Imperial Soldiers went to see the Children/Arrowed Guy. "Sir, it appears our opposition has crashed for the night," He said.
"No worry," Children/Arrowed Guy responded, "Those punks will leave when the sun rises and then the invasion on Concession will begin. If they still won't leave for the rest of the week, we'll destroy them ourselves! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Marzipan, who is tied to the chair nearby, was angered. "You're not getting away with this," Marzipan said, "Homestar Runner and the others will simply beat you!"
"Ha! What makes you think that, Marzipan?"
"Because if Homestar could take down all those Magitek Armors in 30 seconds, he could mutilate you in 10 seconds!"
"Oh, smart talk aren't we? Well you'll be doomed tomorrow when we invade! You shall die a painful death, you traitorous General!"
Marzipan's eyes went baggy, and now she became frightened. She knew there wasn't enough time to live, unless she was rescued somehow.
It's now morning at South Concession...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Homestar and the gang finished breakfast at the Cafe and were on their way. They stopped off at the item shop, and picked up Phoenix Downs, Antidotes, Tonics, Potions, and even Melonade for Homestar (Yeah I know FF6 does not have Melonade). "Uh, How about we ride dose cool birdies again?" Homestar said.
"Okay Homestar," Bubs replied, "Besides, it's the faster, safer, and more convenient way to get where we need to go. But first, we should investigate a house that's far away from here. There seems to be some items of importance there."
"Okay."
The five go to the Chocobo stable and rent Chocobos, and the five ride off from the town. They ride towards the lone house and decide to check it out. It was bare alright, and it seemed like someone lived here. Homestar noticed there was a portrait of Stinkoman on the wall. "Uh, who is dat guy?" Homestar asked.
Bubs looked at the portrait. "Why that's Stinkoman," Bubs replied, "The town's greatest fighter if there ever was one. It's a shame he doesn't want to join."
Strong Bad looked outside and used some binoculars he had available since day 1 with the Returners. "Uh-oh." Strong Bad said, "It seems those Imperial losers are already invading South Concession, and there's some that are ready to come our way!"
Coach Z looked outside, "You're correct, Strong Bad. They must be doing such a 'jorearb' doing so, and I think I saw Marzipan!" Coach Z said.
Strong Bad then changed the view of the binoculars, and saw Marzipan entering the town. "Oh man, Marzipan must have fallen to the Empire!" He said.
"Well, whoever it is," Bubs replied, "We should concentrate on getting to the Returners' hideout."
And so, after finding some necessary items inside, the five leave the house. Unfortunately, they had to get off the Chocobos, which unfortunately ran back to the pen, and since the town is now invaded, it would be risky to go back there, so they decided to walk the rest of the way to Mt. Kolts. Of course, they had to deal with some sort of Were-Rhinocerous things and other enemies which the five did not want to know about. They did not know what these creatures were called, because they haven't went this far in their few months of doing nothing and stuff. They continued running running towards the entrance to Mt. Kolts. Finally, Homestar decided to stop and attack the Were-Rhino, which he found out it was called a Rhinotaur. Homestar attacked with his baseball bat, and hit the Rhinotaur's head. Strong Bad pulled out his Mithril Blade and whacked the Rhinotaur, destroying it. The other creatures, like the beakers, were easily defeated with the flamethrower Cheat which The Cheat used, lighting the beakers on fire and getting the stray cats caught within the fire as well. The enemies were finally destroyed completely. They were now at the mouth of the cave leading to Mt. Kolts. The cave they started in was really bright and stuff, and did not need torches. Of course, it isn't without it's share of monsters and stuff. Brawlers came jumping down and knocked Strong Bad and Coach Z down, and proceeded to attack Homestar Runner.
"Oh crap," Strong Bad said as he got off the ground, "More freaking morons who want to destroy us!"
Strong Bad ran towards one of the Brawlers and slashed at it from behind, causing severe damage to it. Bubs used the Auto-Crossbow to eliminate some of the Brawlers, and Homestar batted the Brawler which Strong Bad injured, destroying it. Of course, some more mammoth creatures like the ones Homestar found in Cheatshe charged after them, but their fur was much darker and more difficult to defeat. A wave of Meatseeker shots from The Cheat did very little damage, but decided to attempt to whack one with his Mithril Blade. It was hard to swing, but he managed to get that critter with an overhead slice, destroying it. Bubs defeated the other one with his RegalCutless. "Well, that's the last of those Tuskers or whatever they are," Bubs said.
Coach Z got up, and of course is all dazed. "Holy freaking chorps! What happened?" Coach Z asked.
"Meeeehmeeaheeemeehaaheem!" (Monsters and Humans of course,) The Cheat replied.
"Oh geesh! Those must be thi most unfriendly humans, but great 'jaerb' all of yous for getting rid of them."
"Oh man," Strong Bad said, "Coach Z's incredibly weird accent is so freaking annoying, but not as annoying as Homestar!"
They then continued through and left through an opening. They were still on the mountain, but this time they were outside, and could see that the mountain went up into the clouds. They continued around the bend and entered another part of the caves. These caves still had the nasty monsters in it, and more brawlers. The brawlers ran towards the five, but they were 'arrowed' by Bubs' Auto-Crossbow and got annihilated. More brawlers and also tuskers were onto the five as well, and this time, Bubs got overwhelmed by the brawlers and was seeing stars. Strong Bad went after one of the Tusker and fought it, and managed to defeat it by attacking it from behind. Homestar bats the Brawlers and one got batted so far that it fell down to it's death. The Cheat uses a cave-in cheat and squishes the other Brawlers, but accidently getting Bubs caught in the boulders as well. Bubs climbed out of these Boulders. "Watch where you use your cheats there, The Cheat!" Bubs shouted.
Bubs had a potion and then the five were then back on their way again. They maneuvered past the bridge, which looked old enough and was just about ready to collapse. The five manage to get across without problems, and continued on. They were now higher up. Homestar noticed the shadow of someone going around the mountain. They were about to follow the mysterious figure when they were ambushed by some weird plant things. Bubs did not know the name of them and was the first sighting of them. The plants attacked with an arm and hit Coach Z, and of course his skin changed to a very sickening purple colour. "Oh man, I don't feel so gooord!" Coach Z complained.
"Ack! You've been poisoned!" Bubs replied, "These plants have the ability to poison!"
"Oh man," Homestar said, "I'm so burnin those fweakin plants!"
Homestar Runner casted fire on sets of plants, and The Cheat joined in by using the flamethrower cheat, and managed to engulf a set of the vicious plants in flames. The ones Homestar is still facing attempted to swipe at him with their poisonous barbs, but missed again. Homestar then finished them off with a final blast of fire, toasting them to death. They were finally defeated, but of course Coach Z had to be given an antidote before they could go on. Coach Z took the antidote and was no longer poisoned. The five continued around the twist, and were now in the clouds. There was a bridge that lead across to the other side, and that mysterious figure jumped from it. As the five crossed the bridge, they were ambushed by tuskers and more of the evil plants. Bubs Auto-Crossbowed the enemies, but managed to survive. Strong Bad beats the crap out of a Tusker and ends up knocking it off the cliff. The Cheat chops up the plants with the Mithril Knife, though pretty slowly, and he got attacked by them anyways. Coach Z uses the RegalCutless on the remaining plants and lone Tusker, and the enemies were now cleared. The five then continue along the bridge until they reach another cave. Inside there seemed to be a spot where they could rest up. "Uh, I think this tent will definately do nicely here." Homestar said.
Strong Bad looked at the tent. "Hey, where'd you get that?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh, well I decided to get da tent while we were back at the item shop," Homestar replied.
The tent was set up. This tent was actually a decent size, and everyone had a snooze in it. Of course, one of them would have a dream of what happened in the past, and that one would be Bubs.
=======================================
Bubs got up. He had been laying in the sun unconsious for several minutes after being sucked into the vortex. "Oh, what's happened?" He said.
Bubs looked around, but all he could see was miles and miles of desert. "Oh this is just great. I'm stuck in this desert and no clue of where I am."
It seemed obvious that there wasn't an explanation for this. This desert was really empty. Of course, the next thing Bubs noticed is a certain someone that he doesn't want to have anything to do with. This being was a shorter than Homestar, and wore a hat, and obviously, the shirt read 'homsar'. "Oh geesh! You again?!?" Bubs said to Homsar.
"DDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH, I just been krafted, and I can't find my Jenga Jam!" Homsar uttered.
"Don't you talk to me," Bubs replied.
"IIIIIIIIIIIII do wwwwwwhhaat I'mmmm toeld!"
And with that, Homsar went off, with the sound that's made when Homsar moves around. Soon it got quieter and quieter, and soon it was all quiet again. Really quiet. That is until somebody was behind him and tapped on him.
"Hey I thought I told you to go... Oh Hi Coach Z. Sorry about that. I thought you were Homsar!"
"Oh, no biggie," Coach Z replied, "Thees desert is huuuge, but of course we aren't entirely lost! I just located a castle with plenty of riches! It's now abandoned but whoever used to be there forgot their riches of theirs!"
"Wow! Show me this place Coach!" Bubs asked.
"Oh, why just follow me and we'll be there. Besides, there doesn't seem to be much around this desert is there?"
"Nope."
The two keep moving, following the footsteps made by Coach Z in the sand, and soon they arrived at the castle. "You know, this will make a pretty dandy Concession Castle." Bubs said.
So, Bubs and Coach Z remained there.
=======================================
Bubs was still dreaming the same thing. Of course, Strong Bad ended up having a dream of when he landed into the World of Balance...
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Strong Bad was thrown really hard against the ground. "Ow, my head," Strong Bad groaned, "Where have I landed?"
Strong Bad looked around. There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary, other than being in some sort of weird town. He took a look around, and apparantly he landed into a town. He looked to see what the town's name was: It was called Kool Sweet Cuppin' Cakes. "Oh man, now this is one sweet town." He said.
Strong Bad continued to tour this town he landed in. There were mostly normal people, but soon he realized that some of the characters from his crazy cartoon, 'Sweet Cuppin Cakes', are roaming around. The creature crossed between a cow and a helicopter, a talking wheelchair, and a duplicate of Strong Bad with an old keyboard for a head instead of Strong Bad's. The talking wheelchair noticed Strong Bad and went wheeling towards him. He collided into Strong Bad. "Long time no see!" The Wheelchair said, "I thought I'd never see you again!"
"Hello," Strong Bad replied, "So, where's Eh! Steve?"
"That Eh! Steve has vanished, and I'm too bored to do anything! My purpose is to relentlessly hunt Eh! Steve down every day, but I can't seem to find him anywhere here."
Strong Bad was confused. "So Eh! Steve isn't here? That's weird."
"Yeah it is weird. The current members of the Sweet Cuppin Cakes gang are here, and some say that Eh! Steve ended up in some place called Thamasa, but it has yet to be confirmed."
Strong Bad then noticed a woman walking beside someone with a big grey body. Strong Bad quickly recognized the lather. "Uh, who is that young woman walking with Strong Sad?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh that's Rachel," The talking Wheelchair replied, "And of course Strong Sad is with her ever since he collapsed into her house. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me."
Of course, Strong Sad stopped and told Rachel that he will be right back. This gave the chance for Strong Bad to meet her. Rachel looked at Strong Bad. "Uh, who are you?" She asked.
"Excuse me, but I'm Strong Bad," Strong Bad replied, "Why were you with Strong Sad anyways?"
"How do you know Strong Sad?
"Because he's my brother and I don't like him!"
"Well, I guess I sort of feel the same way too. He tells depressing stuff all the time."
"Yeah. He absolutely ruined one of the Halloween parties back in my world 3 years ago!"
"You and Strong Sad came from another world?"
"Yeah. I can't quite remember how we ended up here, but somehow it involved some glowing CD-ROMs, a Vortex coming out of a television, and stuff."
Strong Sad came out and saw Strong Bad talking with Rachel. "Strong Bad?" Strong Sad said.
"We weren't talking about you, really," Strong Bad replied, "Like what are you doing here anyways?"
"Geez I don't know. I've been walking with Rachel, and for another thing, I have to repair the house she lives in as well."
"Okay. The sooner you fix the house, the later you can get going!"
Rachel was a little confused. "Um, can we settle it elsewhere? Lets all go back to my place and talk over this," She said to Strong Bad and Strong Sad.
"Okay then," Strong Bad replied.
Of course, he was interrupted by a certain someone. "Stwong Bah wake up!" Homestar yelled.
"Shut up Homestar!" Strong Bad yelled back, "Can't you see I'm having a conversation with Rachel here?"
"Stong Bad!" Homestar replied, "Wake up because we've got bigger pwoblems in real life over here."
"I'm warning you Homestar! Interrupt me one more time and I'll..."
=======================================
Of course, Strong Bad's dream has been cut off by Tuskers which tore the tent apart. Strong Bad got up and immediately struck one of the offending Tuskers in the head with his Mithril Blade, destroying it instantly. Bubs force-feeds poisonous gas from his Bio Blaster into another Tusker's mouth, causing it to unable to gasp for air and then die instantly. Next up are some more brawlers which are going Coach Z a hard time, as he struck one with the RegalCutless but got knocked back by another. Homestar attacks with his baseball bat and wacks the other Brawlers. Bubs uses the Autocrossbow on the rest of the Brawlers, annihilating them. After the enemies were defeated, the five ran out of the cave through the other exit and then saw a path leading down to another cave, and the shadowy figure at the bottom. Of course, for some strange reason, there's another Compy 386 to the left of the mountain wall on the path to the bottom of the mountain.
"Oh man," Strong Bad said, "How can Computers work on this mountain?"
Strong Bad didn't get an answer, but the question was rhetorical anyways. He decided to check his email, by typing in 'strongbad_email.exe'
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Dear Strong Bad,
Why isn't Trogdor around? I know of a place he could Burninate! Perhaps the Empire! I'd do it myself, but I already whupped Kefka's butt and I don't wanna have a thing to do with it. Besides, I can't use magic anymore.
From, uh,
Terrfsjkflaekj;aj;ljf;lsajf;lj;slj
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"What the?!? It's must be Fhqwhgads' evil sister!" Strong Bad shouted.
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Look here, uh, Fhqwhgads evil sister, I don't do things for others. Sibbie already gave me problems, and I blame The Cheat for letting it happen. Well, I guess I could send Trogdor to destroy the Empire, but I really don't know where he is now or something. Where could that Burninator be anyways?
From Strong Bad
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"MEEEEEEE! MEEEEAHEEEEEEEEMEEAHHMMEEEHAAAMEEH?" (Strong Bad! Why did you have to tell that to her?) The Cheat said.
"Listen The Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "If you didn't like make that song about Sibbie which I didn't make, it wouldn't happen alright? Now lets get going!"
As Strong Bad said it, he lost his balance and fell a long way, and crashing into the ground below. "Owwww," Strong Bad groaned in pain, "My whole body hurts!"
The others rushed down to the bottom to Strong Bad's level. They were definately near the entrance now, but of course Strong Bad was pretty bruised up. The Cheat took a potion and administered it to Strong Bad, and he was fixed quickly. Then, when they get closer, they get backed up by a man. He then jumps onto a rock and lands on Homestar Runner, knocking him down.
"Ow! Whut wuz da meaning of that?" Homestar asked.
"Stinkoman sent you right?" The strange man said.
"Who the hell are you?" Strong Bad asked.
"Stinkoman? Is he around here?" Bubs asked.
"You've freaking been shadowing us earlier, weren't you?" Strong Bad asked.
"Brilliant, but how unlucky you have met up with me, Vargas!" Vargas replied.
"Well, you certainly did a great 'Jorb' accomplishing that, 'Vorgash'," Coach Z said.
"I'll make you respect me!" Vargas replied to Coach Z, "I'll make all of you respect me! You'll all be annihilated be me!"
Vargas then charged towards Coach Z and sent him flying. Homestar Runner was about to get Vargas from behind but got caught between some Ipoohs. "This does not look good for Homestar Runner," He said.
The Cheat pulled off the flamethrower cheat to save Homestar from getting clawed to death, igniting both Ipoohs in flames. Meanwhile, Vargas was still beating the crap out of Coach Z and Strong Bad. Homestar proceeded to hit Vargas, but of course he wasn't stupid. He grabbed the bat and threw it back at Homestar, knocking him back. "Ow!" Homestar reacted, "That's it! This means war!"
Homestar Runner jumped up and casted fire on Vargas, getting him good. The Cheat then joined in by using his 'meat cleaver cheat', then followed up with the meatseeker cheat. Homestar then proceeded to beat the crap out of Vargas for revenge, then kick him far away. Strong Bad then showed that he meant business and fought Vargas and blocked all of his attacks with his Boxing gloves, then pounded Vargas right in the chest. Strong Bad thought that Vargas was done for, but he got up.
"ENOUGH!" Vargas shouted, "Off with ya now!"
From a distance, he could hear the familiar voice. From the sky came Stinkoman. He landed in front of Homestar, Strong Bad, the Cheat, Bubs, and Coach Z. "Give it up Vargas!" Stinkoman said, "You haven't gotten the fighting skills that I have!"
"Hey, is that you Stinkoman?" Vargas replied.
"Vargas, why did you do such a thing? Why did you do in your own father like that?!?"
"You fool! He made the mistake of choosing you as his own successor! He snubbed me, his only son!"
"No way! You were the one he chose! I'm too busy fighting other things to have time being a successor!"
"You're a liar!"
"Like seriously! Our master wanted you to be the successor, not me! The reason being that I was too good for him to train! Like, he appreciated your fine spirit to begin with!"
"Enough of your freaking lies!"
"Whoa," Strong Bad commented, "Vargas is starting to talk like me now!"
"Shut up, Von Doom!" Vargas shouted back at Strong Bad.
"Like Seriously, Stwong Bah has a point there," Homestar added.
"Enough all you! Have a taste of my superior technique!" Vargas shouted, "Blizzard Fist!"
And with that, an extremely cold gust of wind came in and blew Homestar, Strong Bad, the Cheat, Bubs, and Coach Z away and into the cave. Stinkoman was able to stay in the field without problems.
"So, I guess the master has teached you well," Vargas said, "But that was just beginner's luck!"
"ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLENGE?!?" Stinkoman shouted.
"Yeah, and that's because fate has made us train together," Vargas replied.
Well, that did it. Stinkoman charged forward and gave Vargas a whallop, sending him flying high. Of course, Vargas had other plans for him. He unleashed an attack which caused Stinkoman to be condemned. Stinkoman knew he would have to work quickly to defeat Vargas before he bites the dust. Stinkoman gets pounded from behind, and knocked around. "Phew! I tire of this!" Vargas shouted. Stinkoman hits Vargas again but gets hit back.
"Come on! What's the matter?" Vargas taunted again.
Stinkoman then thought to himself. 'He's giving me the creeps. I must use one of master Duncan's techniques and also one of my own as well. Maybe I should pummel him, then use my Grand Flash attack on him! That's what I'll do!' Now Stinkoman decided to taunt Vargas! "Hey! Come and get me you so-called fighter!" Stinkoman said.
Vargas charged towards and attempted a hit, but Stinkoman dodged, then used Pummel on him from behind. "W... What the? The master taught you that?!?" Vargas commented.
"Yeah, and that was only if you weren't in such a rush for power," Stinkoman replied, "Now to finish you off! DDOOOOOOUUUUUBBBBBBLLLLLEEEE DDDEEEEEEEUUUUUUUCCCCCCEEEEEE!!!!"
Stinkoman leaped into the air, and charged up immense amounts of energy and then striked Vargas with all the energy that came out. Everything was covered. When the lights vanished and the dust cleared, Vargas was laying there, dazed, defeated, and seeing stars. "Owww, I'm in so much pain..." Vargas groaned in pain, "I've been annihilated..."
Vargas then let his head drop and he didn't respond anymore. He was now defeated, for good.
"Oh man, Stinkoman," Strong Bad said, "That was freaking amazing!"
"Hello again Stinkoman," Bubs said.
"Uh, why does Stinkoman look much like a robot?" Homestar commented.
"Robot?" Stinkoman replied, "Me look like a robot? I'll take that as a compliment."
"I've been watching from far you know. I thought what Bubs said about the Empire being evil was just a fake. Now I know they're actually evil. South Concession is totally taken over, not to mention there will be bigger problems if we don't stop it immediately!"
"The Empire is surely gonna pay for what they've done!" Bubs replied, "We'll crush them good!"
"Hey, how about letting a powerful 'robot' like myself along with you?" Stinkoman said.
"You're gonna join us now, Stinkoman?" Bubs replied.
"Absolutely. For one thing, Duncan will sure to rest easy when he knew his disciple played a part in saving the world! Second, I'm the town's greatest fighter if there ever was one!"
"Okay then, lets get going!" Strong Bad reminds them.
As they walked through the last cave, then out by the entrance ahead, they all left Mt. Kolts. Of course, Stinkoman asks Homestar one question. "Hey, you remind me of someone I know of back in my own time? Do you think that you want to be the guy?" Stinkoman said.
"Why wuld I think of that, Stinkoman? I never insisted on being teh guy to begin wit," Homestar replied.
"Okay, but what is your name?"
"My name is Homestar Runner."
"That name sounds so dumb, but then again, it's better than being 'The Homestar Runner'. Of course, name doesn't make who you are. The Homestar Runner was really cool, because he had this wicked dance he uses when he accomplishes something!"
"Oh, dat's pwetty exciting, Stinkoman. I'd like to know this 'The Homestar Runner' guy, if you know what I mean."
"I still don't know what the heck those plant things were at Mt. Kolts," Bubs said.
"You don't know what those plant things are? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! You don't know about them!" Stinkoman replied, "But seriously, they do have names. They are called Triliums! Also, I don't know where all the Cirpius went..."
Back at Mt. Kolts...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The Cirpius are in serious pain, because of Stinkoman. "Ow, that Stinkoman," One of the Cirpius said, "He's too tough for us to face. We're gonna have to forget about fighting. We'll be in peace from now on!"
"Hey! I thought we couldn't speak at all!" Another Cirpius said.
"Oh crap! I forgot! I'll shut up then!"
Anyways, back outside Mt. Kolts and some kilometers or so from the Returners Hideout...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Our six brave heroes continued to march forward to the Returners Hideout, but that's another chapter...
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As you can tell in the Strong Bad email, it was Terra Branford who sent it, but apparantly and somehow, it was typed in all weird letters. Perhaps the orphans did it, and of course, the emails Strong Bad receives could possibly foreshadow something, though I'm not gonna spoil it until I get there.
Anyways, things will get quite hectic ahead for the cast of Homestar Runner, as they separate into teams and stuff. Next update will probably be later than usual, because it will be three chapters rather than just 1.
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Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Squaresoft, or rather Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
(Author Note: Yeah I know it's not possible to get Drill early in FF6, but I really needed to have it used early, but of course, in the next chapter, the current drill will kick the bucket.)
Chapter 3: Correct but 'Dangeresque' path to the Hideout
(Away from the Desert)
Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Coach Z, and Bubs continued riding their Chocobos towards the way to the Concession Cave. Homestar asked a question along the way.
"Uh Bubs?" Homestar asked, "What wus that thing that you used on the freaking robot?"
"Oh this?" Bubs replied, "It's a Drill, and unfortunately the last one in stock."
Of course, the drill broke to pieces. "Oh man! And it was pass the warranty!"
"Oh Crap!" Strong Bad said, "What was the warranty?"
"6 months after firing it up. After the warranty expires, the moving parts break. Oh man, I'm gonna have to get a replacement Drill as soon as my Concession Castle rises back up, and when it orders a whole bunch more!"
After the small discussion, the five arrived at the Cave of Concession. They got off the Chocobos and waved goodbye to them, as they ran off. Coach Z took a look inside first, then jumped out. "It's so dark in there!" Coach Z said, "How are we going to go through this 'plaerce', er I mean place?"
"Uh, Coach Z, it's not really that dark in there," Strong Bad replied, "It's just the entrance that's dark. the rest of the place seems pretty bright."
"Oh, I guess I deed not go further. Oh well. Lets get going, boys!"
The five then entered the cave. It started dark, but surprisingly, it was pretty bright here. Torches were on the walls. Ahead, there was a spring, and a turtle inside. Across was an opening, but of course, it was too far a distance and would be too risky to get everyone to jump across, so they just ignored the spring for now and continued on through the passage to the right of the spring. They continued through the complex cavern, but of course it was full of monsters. Strong Bad noticed the hives on the ceilings. "Oh crap," Strong Bad said, "There's Hornet nests in this place! Since when do caves have freaking Hornet Nests?!?"
Of course, this only woke the Hornets inside, and then Crawlys came out as well. "Oh man!" Strong Bad shouted, "We're so in freaking trouble!"
The hornets went charging towards Strong Bad. He blocked their stingers with his boxing gloves and squashed the hornets with them. A Crawly managed to use some sort of goo which caused Strong Bad to have a heartburn. "Oooooh man, I need an Antacid," Strong Bad said in pain.
Homestar bashed some of the Crawlies with his baseball bat, while The Cheat used the 'Meat Seeker' Cheat on the rest of the Crawlies, annihilating them. More hornets came out, which Bubs impaled with a couple of lucky Autocrossbow bolt shots. The bugs were annihilated, but more Hornets came flying out of their hives and chased the five. "Agh! Get theser Hornyets away from me!" Coach Z shouted as he ran away from the Hornets with the others.
They were lead through the many twists in the cave, running into some small critter-like furry things called Blearies. With the Hornets still after them, the five ignore the critters altogether, and make a run for the exit. Unfortunately, it is blocked off by some more Crawlies. "Oh man, dis does not look good for any of us," Homestar said.
"Well, I hate to use this, but there seems to be no other way out," Bubs said, as he pulled out the Bio blaster. Bubs shot out plenty of toxins into the air, causing the Hornets to choke in it, as well as some of the unlucky Blearies who got in. Homestar Runner casted Fire on the offending Crawlies blocking the exit for the cave. The Hornets still spawned. "Oh man! There's too many of them!" Coach Z shouted out, "They seem very determined to destroy us!"
Everyone ran out through the exit. Surprisingly, the Hornets did not bother flying after them outside, because those hornets did not like the sunlight. "Oh man, that's the worst place I've been to," Homestar said.
"That's because the freaking cave is full of dangerous critters, Homestar!" Strong Bad replied, "Now cut it with your remarks!"
"Meeeehmmeeeeameeeeneeeehmeeeah" (I wonder if that Children/Arrowed Guy has quit...) The Cheat asked.
"Well, I don't know The Cheat," Bubs replied, "But from what has happened, I doubt it. They're probably going to take over Concession much later."
Meanwhile, at Vertex...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Children/Arrowed Guy was really nervous, failing to get Homestar Runner from the others. "What's the King of Town gonna say when he finds out that I failed to get that Homestar Runner?" He said to himself.
Children/Arrowed Guy walked to the castle, and saw the King of Town, along with Marzipan and two Imperial Soldiers. "So, did you manage to get Homestar Runner back here?" The King of Town asked.
"Couldn't even do it worth anything!" Children/Arrowed Guy replied, "And all thanks to the traitor King Bubs, and those idiots Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Coach Z!"
"Well, I'd discipline you, but food is more important to me than punishing you, so you get a second chance at getting Homestar Runner. Otherwise, don't come back here! By the way, Concession will be invaded soon and Marzipan will be taken there for imprisonment, then annihilated!"
"How could you do this to me?" Marzipan asked, "I'm your daughter, remember?"
"Still, you're a traitor!" The King of Town replied, "And I'd go out of my way to annihilate you, but all I'm thinking about right now is a fifty-course meal!"
And with that, the King of Town left the room, leaving the Children/Arrowed Guy and the others inside. "Lets square off at the lands around Castle Pomo. There's an Imperial Base nearby. You guards with Marzipan go to South Concession as soon as we're notified that the members of the Returners are not there, and make sure Marzipan is brought there too!" Children/Arrowed Guy ordered.
Marzipan was then carried away, out of the throne room. Children/Arrowed guy snickered. "You're gonna fail in no time, Returners! Not even Homestar Runner will be of much help! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!"
Now, back at South Concession...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Homestar Runner and the others arrived at the town of South Concession. This place was pretty big. "We should arm ourselves for the next length of our trip towards the Returners Hideout. Mt. Koltz can be a dangerous place!" Bubs tells the others, "Lets head for the Weapons and Armor shops. We should be able to get ready."
Homestar stuck to his own baseball bat, as it was already powerful enough. Strong Bad got his hand on a Mithril Blade, while Bubs got a RegalCutless and the Cheat went with the Mithril Blade like Strong Bad did, seeing as there are no spears or lances available, and that it was incredibly heavy for him. Coach Z got his hands on a Regalcutless like Bubs did, though he needed to use both hands to hold it. Next, they went to the Armory shop. Everyone except the Cheat got Plumed Hats and Heavy Shields, because the Cheat decided to go with a hair band and a buckler, because it's difficult enough trying to lug around a Mithril Blade and will take a while. Of course, Strong Bad had to get a Kung Fu Suit for himself, because they looked cool in his opinion. Now, they were all ready. "Hey, wait a minute!" Strong Bad said, "What about the freaking Relics? We can't just go without Relics! We could get sick or something if we don't have the appropriate relics!"
So, everyone goes to the Relics shop next. Homestar picks the Star Pendant and Sprint Shoes, The Cheat takes Goggles and a Star Pendant as well, Strong Bad gets Star Pendant and True Knight, Coach Z takes Goggles and Sprint Shoes, and finally Bubs takes Jewel Ring and Goggles.
"Well, that's done. Lets go to the Cafe and get some Cold ones and rest up before we get going," Bubs said.
The five went to the cafeteria that was near the end of the town. They enter the cafe, and of course, they find Homeschool Winner and that creature that's a mix between a cow and a helicopter (See Strong Bad Email 74 'Crazy Cartoon' if you don't know what it looks like). "Hey Homeschewl Winnar!" Homestar called out.
Homeschool turned around. "Hey there, guys," Homeschool replied, "Sorry, but I'm doing business, but it ain't anything that's related to death and destruction. Besides, I'm not ready for doing it yet. It's a shame we ended up here because of a cursed copy of...."
"Yeah we know," Strong Bad interrupted, "Of the Final Fantasy Anthology. I did not even think what I was doing playing it. Oh crap! What months have passed by since being thrown into this world!"
"Well, we'll meet any of yous later, because me and this funny creature that sounds like a helicopter are off to do business. See you later!"
And so, Homeschool Winner went off to his way. "Well, I guess Homeschool's not joining us immediately," Bubs said, "If he has work to do, then I guess we better keep him working then."
After the discussion, Homestar, Strong Bad, Coach Z, The Cheat, and Bubs went to the table. Who else was the person at the bar than Thomas. "No way! It can't be!" Strong Bad said.
"Yes, it is me, Thomas. I appeared in Teen Girl Squad issue 2 and I used a bat on 'What's Her Face'. I enjoyed doing that." Thomas responded, "So, cold ones you want?"
"Yep." Bubs replied.
"Okay! Cold ones coming right up!"
And with that, Thomas rushed. A distance away, a 'Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!' could be heard outside. Apprantly someone tried making off with a package of cold ones. Thomas returned with the Cold ones and handed one to each of the five. "So, where are you five going?" Thomas asked.
"Uh, we're heading off through Mt. Kolts." Strong Bad replied.
"Oh, I see. You know, Duncan and his disciples have went off in the mountains, and I think I sighted Stinkoman making his way there too."
"Okay, and anything else?" Strong Bad asked, as he drinks his cold one.
"The place is rumored to be dangerous, with there being plants capable of poisoning travellers and stuff, and vicious mammoth beasts there as well. I'd be careful when you go through Mt. Kolts if I were you. You should head for the items shop and stock up on goods there."
"Oh man," Homestar said, "Plants that actually poison people like us? Sounds like it's pwetty dangeresque!"
"Indeed Homestar," Thomas responded.
Soon the five were done with their cold ones. "Oh man. It's like 1:00 am in the morning and I haven't slept well since that Children/Arrowed Guy wrecked our sleep," Strong Bad said. I'm heading to the Inn and crashing in."
And after the others waved their goodbyes to Thomas, the five went off to the inn. The price was pretty decent. The five got into bed, but of course The Cheat slept in the same bed with Strong Bad, and they all went to sleep. Homestar hasn't had another dream of what happened in the previous months being stuck in the World of Balance.
Speaking of which...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Back at Vertex, one of the Imperial Soldiers went to see the Children/Arrowed Guy. "Sir, it appears our opposition has crashed for the night," He said.
"No worry," Children/Arrowed Guy responded, "Those punks will leave when the sun rises and then the invasion on Concession will begin. If they still won't leave for the rest of the week, we'll destroy them ourselves! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Marzipan, who is tied to the chair nearby, was angered. "You're not getting away with this," Marzipan said, "Homestar Runner and the others will simply beat you!"
"Ha! What makes you think that, Marzipan?"
"Because if Homestar could take down all those Magitek Armors in 30 seconds, he could mutilate you in 10 seconds!"
"Oh, smart talk aren't we? Well you'll be doomed tomorrow when we invade! You shall die a painful death, you traitorous General!"
Marzipan's eyes went baggy, and now she became frightened. She knew there wasn't enough time to live, unless she was rescued somehow.
It's now morning at South Concession...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Homestar and the gang finished breakfast at the Cafe and were on their way. They stopped off at the item shop, and picked up Phoenix Downs, Antidotes, Tonics, Potions, and even Melonade for Homestar (Yeah I know FF6 does not have Melonade). "Uh, How about we ride dose cool birdies again?" Homestar said.
"Okay Homestar," Bubs replied, "Besides, it's the faster, safer, and more convenient way to get where we need to go. But first, we should investigate a house that's far away from here. There seems to be some items of importance there."
"Okay."
The five go to the Chocobo stable and rent Chocobos, and the five ride off from the town. They ride towards the lone house and decide to check it out. It was bare alright, and it seemed like someone lived here. Homestar noticed there was a portrait of Stinkoman on the wall. "Uh, who is dat guy?" Homestar asked.
Bubs looked at the portrait. "Why that's Stinkoman," Bubs replied, "The town's greatest fighter if there ever was one. It's a shame he doesn't want to join."
Strong Bad looked outside and used some binoculars he had available since day 1 with the Returners. "Uh-oh." Strong Bad said, "It seems those Imperial losers are already invading South Concession, and there's some that are ready to come our way!"
Coach Z looked outside, "You're correct, Strong Bad. They must be doing such a 'jorearb' doing so, and I think I saw Marzipan!" Coach Z said.
Strong Bad then changed the view of the binoculars, and saw Marzipan entering the town. "Oh man, Marzipan must have fallen to the Empire!" He said.
"Well, whoever it is," Bubs replied, "We should concentrate on getting to the Returners' hideout."
And so, after finding some necessary items inside, the five leave the house. Unfortunately, they had to get off the Chocobos, which unfortunately ran back to the pen, and since the town is now invaded, it would be risky to go back there, so they decided to walk the rest of the way to Mt. Kolts. Of course, they had to deal with some sort of Were-Rhinocerous things and other enemies which the five did not want to know about. They did not know what these creatures were called, because they haven't went this far in their few months of doing nothing and stuff. They continued running running towards the entrance to Mt. Kolts. Finally, Homestar decided to stop and attack the Were-Rhino, which he found out it was called a Rhinotaur. Homestar attacked with his baseball bat, and hit the Rhinotaur's head. Strong Bad pulled out his Mithril Blade and whacked the Rhinotaur, destroying it. The other creatures, like the beakers, were easily defeated with the flamethrower Cheat which The Cheat used, lighting the beakers on fire and getting the stray cats caught within the fire as well. The enemies were finally destroyed completely. They were now at the mouth of the cave leading to Mt. Kolts. The cave they started in was really bright and stuff, and did not need torches. Of course, it isn't without it's share of monsters and stuff. Brawlers came jumping down and knocked Strong Bad and Coach Z down, and proceeded to attack Homestar Runner.
"Oh crap," Strong Bad said as he got off the ground, "More freaking morons who want to destroy us!"
Strong Bad ran towards one of the Brawlers and slashed at it from behind, causing severe damage to it. Bubs used the Auto-Crossbow to eliminate some of the Brawlers, and Homestar batted the Brawler which Strong Bad injured, destroying it. Of course, some more mammoth creatures like the ones Homestar found in Cheatshe charged after them, but their fur was much darker and more difficult to defeat. A wave of Meatseeker shots from The Cheat did very little damage, but decided to attempt to whack one with his Mithril Blade. It was hard to swing, but he managed to get that critter with an overhead slice, destroying it. Bubs defeated the other one with his RegalCutless. "Well, that's the last of those Tuskers or whatever they are," Bubs said.
Coach Z got up, and of course is all dazed. "Holy freaking chorps! What happened?" Coach Z asked.
"Meeeehmeeaheeemeehaaheem!" (Monsters and Humans of course,) The Cheat replied.
"Oh geesh! Those must be thi most unfriendly humans, but great 'jaerb' all of yous for getting rid of them."
"Oh man," Strong Bad said, "Coach Z's incredibly weird accent is so freaking annoying, but not as annoying as Homestar!"
They then continued through and left through an opening. They were still on the mountain, but this time they were outside, and could see that the mountain went up into the clouds. They continued around the bend and entered another part of the caves. These caves still had the nasty monsters in it, and more brawlers. The brawlers ran towards the five, but they were 'arrowed' by Bubs' Auto-Crossbow and got annihilated. More brawlers and also tuskers were onto the five as well, and this time, Bubs got overwhelmed by the brawlers and was seeing stars. Strong Bad went after one of the Tusker and fought it, and managed to defeat it by attacking it from behind. Homestar bats the Brawlers and one got batted so far that it fell down to it's death. The Cheat uses a cave-in cheat and squishes the other Brawlers, but accidently getting Bubs caught in the boulders as well. Bubs climbed out of these Boulders. "Watch where you use your cheats there, The Cheat!" Bubs shouted.
Bubs had a potion and then the five were then back on their way again. They maneuvered past the bridge, which looked old enough and was just about ready to collapse. The five manage to get across without problems, and continued on. They were now higher up. Homestar noticed the shadow of someone going around the mountain. They were about to follow the mysterious figure when they were ambushed by some weird plant things. Bubs did not know the name of them and was the first sighting of them. The plants attacked with an arm and hit Coach Z, and of course his skin changed to a very sickening purple colour. "Oh man, I don't feel so gooord!" Coach Z complained.
"Ack! You've been poisoned!" Bubs replied, "These plants have the ability to poison!"
"Oh man," Homestar said, "I'm so burnin those fweakin plants!"
Homestar Runner casted fire on sets of plants, and The Cheat joined in by using the flamethrower cheat, and managed to engulf a set of the vicious plants in flames. The ones Homestar is still facing attempted to swipe at him with their poisonous barbs, but missed again. Homestar then finished them off with a final blast of fire, toasting them to death. They were finally defeated, but of course Coach Z had to be given an antidote before they could go on. Coach Z took the antidote and was no longer poisoned. The five continued around the twist, and were now in the clouds. There was a bridge that lead across to the other side, and that mysterious figure jumped from it. As the five crossed the bridge, they were ambushed by tuskers and more of the evil plants. Bubs Auto-Crossbowed the enemies, but managed to survive. Strong Bad beats the crap out of a Tusker and ends up knocking it off the cliff. The Cheat chops up the plants with the Mithril Knife, though pretty slowly, and he got attacked by them anyways. Coach Z uses the RegalCutless on the remaining plants and lone Tusker, and the enemies were now cleared. The five then continue along the bridge until they reach another cave. Inside there seemed to be a spot where they could rest up. "Uh, I think this tent will definately do nicely here." Homestar said.
Strong Bad looked at the tent. "Hey, where'd you get that?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh, well I decided to get da tent while we were back at the item shop," Homestar replied.
The tent was set up. This tent was actually a decent size, and everyone had a snooze in it. Of course, one of them would have a dream of what happened in the past, and that one would be Bubs.
=======================================
Bubs got up. He had been laying in the sun unconsious for several minutes after being sucked into the vortex. "Oh, what's happened?" He said.
Bubs looked around, but all he could see was miles and miles of desert. "Oh this is just great. I'm stuck in this desert and no clue of where I am."
It seemed obvious that there wasn't an explanation for this. This desert was really empty. Of course, the next thing Bubs noticed is a certain someone that he doesn't want to have anything to do with. This being was a shorter than Homestar, and wore a hat, and obviously, the shirt read 'homsar'. "Oh geesh! You again?!?" Bubs said to Homsar.
"DDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH, I just been krafted, and I can't find my Jenga Jam!" Homsar uttered.
"Don't you talk to me," Bubs replied.
"IIIIIIIIIIIII do wwwwwwhhaat I'mmmm toeld!"
And with that, Homsar went off, with the sound that's made when Homsar moves around. Soon it got quieter and quieter, and soon it was all quiet again. Really quiet. That is until somebody was behind him and tapped on him.
"Hey I thought I told you to go... Oh Hi Coach Z. Sorry about that. I thought you were Homsar!"
"Oh, no biggie," Coach Z replied, "Thees desert is huuuge, but of course we aren't entirely lost! I just located a castle with plenty of riches! It's now abandoned but whoever used to be there forgot their riches of theirs!"
"Wow! Show me this place Coach!" Bubs asked.
"Oh, why just follow me and we'll be there. Besides, there doesn't seem to be much around this desert is there?"
"Nope."
The two keep moving, following the footsteps made by Coach Z in the sand, and soon they arrived at the castle. "You know, this will make a pretty dandy Concession Castle." Bubs said.
So, Bubs and Coach Z remained there.
=======================================
Bubs was still dreaming the same thing. Of course, Strong Bad ended up having a dream of when he landed into the World of Balance...
=======================================
Strong Bad was thrown really hard against the ground. "Ow, my head," Strong Bad groaned, "Where have I landed?"
Strong Bad looked around. There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary, other than being in some sort of weird town. He took a look around, and apparantly he landed into a town. He looked to see what the town's name was: It was called Kool Sweet Cuppin' Cakes. "Oh man, now this is one sweet town." He said.
Strong Bad continued to tour this town he landed in. There were mostly normal people, but soon he realized that some of the characters from his crazy cartoon, 'Sweet Cuppin Cakes', are roaming around. The creature crossed between a cow and a helicopter, a talking wheelchair, and a duplicate of Strong Bad with an old keyboard for a head instead of Strong Bad's. The talking wheelchair noticed Strong Bad and went wheeling towards him. He collided into Strong Bad. "Long time no see!" The Wheelchair said, "I thought I'd never see you again!"
"Hello," Strong Bad replied, "So, where's Eh! Steve?"
"That Eh! Steve has vanished, and I'm too bored to do anything! My purpose is to relentlessly hunt Eh! Steve down every day, but I can't seem to find him anywhere here."
Strong Bad was confused. "So Eh! Steve isn't here? That's weird."
"Yeah it is weird. The current members of the Sweet Cuppin Cakes gang are here, and some say that Eh! Steve ended up in some place called Thamasa, but it has yet to be confirmed."
Strong Bad then noticed a woman walking beside someone with a big grey body. Strong Bad quickly recognized the lather. "Uh, who is that young woman walking with Strong Sad?" Strong Bad asked.
"Oh that's Rachel," The talking Wheelchair replied, "And of course Strong Sad is with her ever since he collapsed into her house. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me."
Of course, Strong Sad stopped and told Rachel that he will be right back. This gave the chance for Strong Bad to meet her. Rachel looked at Strong Bad. "Uh, who are you?" She asked.
"Excuse me, but I'm Strong Bad," Strong Bad replied, "Why were you with Strong Sad anyways?"
"How do you know Strong Sad?
"Because he's my brother and I don't like him!"
"Well, I guess I sort of feel the same way too. He tells depressing stuff all the time."
"Yeah. He absolutely ruined one of the Halloween parties back in my world 3 years ago!"
"You and Strong Sad came from another world?"
"Yeah. I can't quite remember how we ended up here, but somehow it involved some glowing CD-ROMs, a Vortex coming out of a television, and stuff."
Strong Sad came out and saw Strong Bad talking with Rachel. "Strong Bad?" Strong Sad said.
"We weren't talking about you, really," Strong Bad replied, "Like what are you doing here anyways?"
"Geez I don't know. I've been walking with Rachel, and for another thing, I have to repair the house she lives in as well."
"Okay. The sooner you fix the house, the later you can get going!"
Rachel was a little confused. "Um, can we settle it elsewhere? Lets all go back to my place and talk over this," She said to Strong Bad and Strong Sad.
"Okay then," Strong Bad replied.
Of course, he was interrupted by a certain someone. "Stwong Bah wake up!" Homestar yelled.
"Shut up Homestar!" Strong Bad yelled back, "Can't you see I'm having a conversation with Rachel here?"
"Stong Bad!" Homestar replied, "Wake up because we've got bigger pwoblems in real life over here."
"I'm warning you Homestar! Interrupt me one more time and I'll..."
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Of course, Strong Bad's dream has been cut off by Tuskers which tore the tent apart. Strong Bad got up and immediately struck one of the offending Tuskers in the head with his Mithril Blade, destroying it instantly. Bubs force-feeds poisonous gas from his Bio Blaster into another Tusker's mouth, causing it to unable to gasp for air and then die instantly. Next up are some more brawlers which are going Coach Z a hard time, as he struck one with the RegalCutless but got knocked back by another. Homestar attacks with his baseball bat and wacks the other Brawlers. Bubs uses the Autocrossbow on the rest of the Brawlers, annihilating them. After the enemies were defeated, the five ran out of the cave through the other exit and then saw a path leading down to another cave, and the shadowy figure at the bottom. Of course, for some strange reason, there's another Compy 386 to the left of the mountain wall on the path to the bottom of the mountain.
"Oh man," Strong Bad said, "How can Computers work on this mountain?"
Strong Bad didn't get an answer, but the question was rhetorical anyways. He decided to check his email, by typing in 'strongbad_email.exe'
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Dear Strong Bad,
Why isn't Trogdor around? I know of a place he could Burninate! Perhaps the Empire! I'd do it myself, but I already whupped Kefka's butt and I don't wanna have a thing to do with it. Besides, I can't use magic anymore.
From, uh,
Terrfsjkflaekj;aj;ljf;lsajf;lj;slj
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"What the?!? It's must be Fhqwhgads' evil sister!" Strong Bad shouted.
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Look here, uh, Fhqwhgads evil sister, I don't do things for others. Sibbie already gave me problems, and I blame The Cheat for letting it happen. Well, I guess I could send Trogdor to destroy the Empire, but I really don't know where he is now or something. Where could that Burninator be anyways?
From Strong Bad
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"MEEEEEEE! MEEEEAHEEEEEEEEMEEAHHMMEEEHAAAMEEH?" (Strong Bad! Why did you have to tell that to her?) The Cheat said.
"Listen The Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "If you didn't like make that song about Sibbie which I didn't make, it wouldn't happen alright? Now lets get going!"
As Strong Bad said it, he lost his balance and fell a long way, and crashing into the ground below. "Owwww," Strong Bad groaned in pain, "My whole body hurts!"
The others rushed down to the bottom to Strong Bad's level. They were definately near the entrance now, but of course Strong Bad was pretty bruised up. The Cheat took a potion and administered it to Strong Bad, and he was fixed quickly. Then, when they get closer, they get backed up by a man. He then jumps onto a rock and lands on Homestar Runner, knocking him down.
"Ow! Whut wuz da meaning of that?" Homestar asked.
"Stinkoman sent you right?" The strange man said.
"Who the hell are you?" Strong Bad asked.
"Stinkoman? Is he around here?" Bubs asked.
"You've freaking been shadowing us earlier, weren't you?" Strong Bad asked.
"Brilliant, but how unlucky you have met up with me, Vargas!" Vargas replied.
"Well, you certainly did a great 'Jorb' accomplishing that, 'Vorgash'," Coach Z said.
"I'll make you respect me!" Vargas replied to Coach Z, "I'll make all of you respect me! You'll all be annihilated be me!"
Vargas then charged towards Coach Z and sent him flying. Homestar Runner was about to get Vargas from behind but got caught between some Ipoohs. "This does not look good for Homestar Runner," He said.
The Cheat pulled off the flamethrower cheat to save Homestar from getting clawed to death, igniting both Ipoohs in flames. Meanwhile, Vargas was still beating the crap out of Coach Z and Strong Bad. Homestar proceeded to hit Vargas, but of course he wasn't stupid. He grabbed the bat and threw it back at Homestar, knocking him back. "Ow!" Homestar reacted, "That's it! This means war!"
Homestar Runner jumped up and casted fire on Vargas, getting him good. The Cheat then joined in by using his 'meat cleaver cheat', then followed up with the meatseeker cheat. Homestar then proceeded to beat the crap out of Vargas for revenge, then kick him far away. Strong Bad then showed that he meant business and fought Vargas and blocked all of his attacks with his Boxing gloves, then pounded Vargas right in the chest. Strong Bad thought that Vargas was done for, but he got up.
"ENOUGH!" Vargas shouted, "Off with ya now!"
From a distance, he could hear the familiar voice. From the sky came Stinkoman. He landed in front of Homestar, Strong Bad, the Cheat, Bubs, and Coach Z. "Give it up Vargas!" Stinkoman said, "You haven't gotten the fighting skills that I have!"
"Hey, is that you Stinkoman?" Vargas replied.
"Vargas, why did you do such a thing? Why did you do in your own father like that?!?"
"You fool! He made the mistake of choosing you as his own successor! He snubbed me, his only son!"
"No way! You were the one he chose! I'm too busy fighting other things to have time being a successor!"
"You're a liar!"
"Like seriously! Our master wanted you to be the successor, not me! The reason being that I was too good for him to train! Like, he appreciated your fine spirit to begin with!"
"Enough of your freaking lies!"
"Whoa," Strong Bad commented, "Vargas is starting to talk like me now!"
"Shut up, Von Doom!" Vargas shouted back at Strong Bad.
"Like Seriously, Stwong Bah has a point there," Homestar added.
"Enough all you! Have a taste of my superior technique!" Vargas shouted, "Blizzard Fist!"
And with that, an extremely cold gust of wind came in and blew Homestar, Strong Bad, the Cheat, Bubs, and Coach Z away and into the cave. Stinkoman was able to stay in the field without problems.
"So, I guess the master has teached you well," Vargas said, "But that was just beginner's luck!"
"ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLENGE?!?" Stinkoman shouted.
"Yeah, and that's because fate has made us train together," Vargas replied.
Well, that did it. Stinkoman charged forward and gave Vargas a whallop, sending him flying high. Of course, Vargas had other plans for him. He unleashed an attack which caused Stinkoman to be condemned. Stinkoman knew he would have to work quickly to defeat Vargas before he bites the dust. Stinkoman gets pounded from behind, and knocked around. "Phew! I tire of this!" Vargas shouted. Stinkoman hits Vargas again but gets hit back.
"Come on! What's the matter?" Vargas taunted again.
Stinkoman then thought to himself. 'He's giving me the creeps. I must use one of master Duncan's techniques and also one of my own as well. Maybe I should pummel him, then use my Grand Flash attack on him! That's what I'll do!' Now Stinkoman decided to taunt Vargas! "Hey! Come and get me you so-called fighter!" Stinkoman said.
Vargas charged towards and attempted a hit, but Stinkoman dodged, then used Pummel on him from behind. "W... What the? The master taught you that?!?" Vargas commented.
"Yeah, and that was only if you weren't in such a rush for power," Stinkoman replied, "Now to finish you off! DDOOOOOOUUUUUBBBBBBLLLLLEEEE DDDEEEEEEEUUUUUUUCCCCCCEEEEEE!!!!"
Stinkoman leaped into the air, and charged up immense amounts of energy and then striked Vargas with all the energy that came out. Everything was covered. When the lights vanished and the dust cleared, Vargas was laying there, dazed, defeated, and seeing stars. "Owww, I'm in so much pain..." Vargas groaned in pain, "I've been annihilated..."
Vargas then let his head drop and he didn't respond anymore. He was now defeated, for good.
"Oh man, Stinkoman," Strong Bad said, "That was freaking amazing!"
"Hello again Stinkoman," Bubs said.
"Uh, why does Stinkoman look much like a robot?" Homestar commented.
"Robot?" Stinkoman replied, "Me look like a robot? I'll take that as a compliment."
"I've been watching from far you know. I thought what Bubs said about the Empire being evil was just a fake. Now I know they're actually evil. South Concession is totally taken over, not to mention there will be bigger problems if we don't stop it immediately!"
"The Empire is surely gonna pay for what they've done!" Bubs replied, "We'll crush them good!"
"Hey, how about letting a powerful 'robot' like myself along with you?" Stinkoman said.
"You're gonna join us now, Stinkoman?" Bubs replied.
"Absolutely. For one thing, Duncan will sure to rest easy when he knew his disciple played a part in saving the world! Second, I'm the town's greatest fighter if there ever was one!"
"Okay then, lets get going!" Strong Bad reminds them.
As they walked through the last cave, then out by the entrance ahead, they all left Mt. Kolts. Of course, Stinkoman asks Homestar one question. "Hey, you remind me of someone I know of back in my own time? Do you think that you want to be the guy?" Stinkoman said.
"Why wuld I think of that, Stinkoman? I never insisted on being teh guy to begin wit," Homestar replied.
"Okay, but what is your name?"
"My name is Homestar Runner."
"That name sounds so dumb, but then again, it's better than being 'The Homestar Runner'. Of course, name doesn't make who you are. The Homestar Runner was really cool, because he had this wicked dance he uses when he accomplishes something!"
"Oh, dat's pwetty exciting, Stinkoman. I'd like to know this 'The Homestar Runner' guy, if you know what I mean."
"I still don't know what the heck those plant things were at Mt. Kolts," Bubs said.
"You don't know what those plant things are? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! You don't know about them!" Stinkoman replied, "But seriously, they do have names. They are called Triliums! Also, I don't know where all the Cirpius went..."
Back at Mt. Kolts...
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The Cirpius are in serious pain, because of Stinkoman. "Ow, that Stinkoman," One of the Cirpius said, "He's too tough for us to face. We're gonna have to forget about fighting. We'll be in peace from now on!"
"Hey! I thought we couldn't speak at all!" Another Cirpius said.
"Oh crap! I forgot! I'll shut up then!"
Anyways, back outside Mt. Kolts and some kilometers or so from the Returners Hideout...
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Our six brave heroes continued to march forward to the Returners Hideout, but that's another chapter...
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As you can tell in the Strong Bad email, it was Terra Branford who sent it, but apparantly and somehow, it was typed in all weird letters. Perhaps the orphans did it, and of course, the emails Strong Bad receives could possibly foreshadow something, though I'm not gonna spoil it until I get there.
Anyways, things will get quite hectic ahead for the cast of Homestar Runner, as they separate into teams and stuff. Next update will probably be later than usual, because it will be three chapters rather than just 1.
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