Disclaimer: Still nothing. As for the $25 gift certificate I'm rumored to have hidden under my pillow, let it be known that I'm long since accustomed to sleep a la king Leonid and his 300 pieces of cannon fodder, i.e. sans culottes et sans oreiller...
A/N – Oops. Some fresh mail on my doorstep :)
To ntinat: Yes, this bothers me too. I definitely have to dig deeper into this mystery… in about 5 chapters or so.
To Gryphnwng: Just add the missing "r" to the "fiend" word and I promise to mention you in all my fryers ;)

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10. ITSSSSSSSNAPE

…

By the way, who is Harry's father?

"Itssssss…"

"Yessss?"

"Ssssss…"

"Sssstop hissssing, will you! Itsssss contagioussss!"

"Ssssorry."

"Ssssso?..."

"Itsssssssnape."

"…"

"Eh… Um… Lupin?"

"…"

"Remus?!"

"…"

"Just say something, ol' fr-"

"Oooh…"

"…fr-freakily-weekly-weakling of a mortal…"

"I feel as if being struck with something cold and hard on my skull box."

"Yeah," the spirit nodded in understanding. "That's the way those marble floors usually behave when you fall on them."

Remus J. Lupin slowly sat up on the cold floor, supporting his head in both hands as delicately as if dealing with a chamber pot, full to its very brim. He sat very still, while all the freshly acquired memories, violently stirred up by his hard fall, were slowly and sulkily settling back into their cozy brain cells.

"Sssssossssn…oh, what the…," he shook his head firmly, banishing the residual hissiness. "So, Snape is Harry's father?"

"Yeap."

"I can't believe it!"

"Neither would I if it hadn't been for Lily herself. She could be very convincing, you know."

"Oh, I know," Remus shuddered. "But how could you keep it secret from us? From James?! Oh, no, don't answer. It's that Confidelius charm again, wasn't it…"

"Eh... Actually, no. Not a Confidelius. I… I just forgot all about it."

"You… what?!"

HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT SUCH A THING, YOU RUDDY BLACK HOLE?!

"Now, now," squeaked the rather startled spirit, placatingly holding up his arms, while hastily retreating behind the protection of the suddenly very attractive dusty drape. [Just in case, you know. Better be safe once than dead twice. A/N]

"Well, you'd forget all about it too, if Lily Evans-Potter were hunting you all over the place, trying to Obliviate you with a skillet in one hand and hit with her wand in another... or did she first hit me with the skillet and then Obliviated? Can't remember…"

"Wait. Was it a light blue skillet the size of a house-elf, with small pink roses all over it?"

"Yes. You do remember it too?"

"I'm afraid so," nodded Remus gravely. "That was the only thing left intact when their house collapsed… apart from Harry, of course."

"Yes, it must be the same one. Lily could be very convincing, you know."

"Oh, I know," Remus shuddered. "But why did she Obliviate you when it was her who told you everything in the first place?"

"Did I ever say she told everything to me?

"Uh… No?"

"No, she didn't… I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time… Namely, under her bed, when…"

"Under her bed? For my brains' sake, Sirius, what were you doing under Lily Potter's bed?!"

"Look, I was hunting, ok? "

"On whom?"

"On mice, of course!"

Remus J. Lupin felt a peculiar strong feeling enveloping him. Like a full-moon coming early.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO WITH MICE AT POTTER'S HOUSE, SIRIUS?

"Well, I didn't know that it were rats I should've been concerned about."

"Sirius..."

"Ok, ok. So, Godric's Hollow was all swarming with vermin. And Potters couldn't even take in a cat – all because of me being such a naughty dog always snooping about."

"You weren't that naughty!"

"Lily's words. So, as it was my fault that they couldn't get rid of the mice, Lily demanded some recompense of me..."

"Ah, now I begin to understand."

"…Of course, I refused at first, but Lily… eh… she could be very convincing, you know."

"Oh, I know," Remus shuddered. "So, what exactly did happen?"

"Patience, my mortal friend, patience… One more chapter and you'll know everything you've subscribed on."