Homestar Fantasy: Final Fantasy 6 starring the cast from www.homestarrunner.com
Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
Chapter 4: Octotroubles and return to Cheatshe
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The Next three chapters will have the gang split into some groups, but all meet together with more of their friends. Well, you'll see what I mean in the next chapters...
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Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Coach Z, The Cheat, Bubs, and also Stinkoman have conquered the mountain that is Mt. Kolts, and are now heading to the entrance to the Returners' Hideout. They finally arrived there and got to the entrance. One of the members lead them to see the Blacksmith. "King Bubs! Right this way, please!" He said.
They were then lead to the Blacksmith. Strong Bad was glad to see him. "Hey there, Blacksmith!" Strong Bad said, "Long time, no see!"
"Nice to see you again Strong Bad," the Blacksmith replied, "Haven't seen you since 3 years ago!"
"We've brought Homestar Runner with us," Bubs told the Blacksmith.
"Is it the same Homestar Runner that can talk to Espers and the one who discovered that the King of Town was the one who got his own sheep missing?" The Blacksmith replied.
"Uh, Espers?" Homestar asked, "What are Espers? And to that other point, yeah I found out that the King ate his own sheep, and thought that they were delicous."
"Well, yeah. It seems like the Empire took advantage of him and got him to do their bidding and stuff, and perhaps bribing him to stuff." Bubs continued.
"Carrier critters crossed between a cow and a helicopter have sent word that Homestar Runner has wiped out 50 of the Empire's best soldiers in under 30 seconds," The Blacksmith explained.
"No way! That's all lies!" Homestar responded, "Like I have the ability to do all dat..."
"Oops, I needed to add the fact that Homestar destroyed 50 of the Punting Dinos in 30 seconds as well," The Blacksmith added.
"That's also fweakin' lies too!" Homestar shouted.
"Hey, shut up Homestar!" Strong Bad told Homestar.
"Blacksmith!" Bubs said, "Homestar Runner cannot remember a thing!"
Homestar was about to leave, but the Blacksmith stopped him. "Stay where you are, Homestar!" He said.
"Uh, whut do yew want to tell me?" Homestar replied.
"Perhaps you heard of this story? Once, when there were people and beings that are pure and innocent, there was a box that they were told never to open. Unfortunately, someone went to open it anyway! He unleashed all the evils of the world: Envy, Greed, Violence, and Control. All that was left inside that box was a single ray of light: Hope."
Homestar did not know what it meant at all. "Uh, I'm sorwy," Homestar said, "I don't really know what you are talking about."
"We have to confront those evils," The Blacksmith continued, "and Homestar Runner, you are that last ray of light: Hope..."
"Blacksmith!" Bubs shouted.
The Blacksmith didn't know what to even say at all currently, and he was too tired to continue on. "I'm too tired right now," The Blacksmith said, "Let me rest for awhile okay?"
And with that, the Blacksmith walked off. And of course, Homestar Runner was tired as well, and decided to go to one of the available rooms in the hideout. He found the room, then fell asleep...
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Homestar Runner and Marzipan were both locked up in the same cell. The door to their cell opened, and the Children/Arrowed Guy walked in. "What have we here?" Children/Arrowed Guy said, "Well, if it isn't Homestar Runner!"
"Uh, whut does dat mean anyways, crapface?" Homestar replied.
The Children/Arrowed Guy's face went red. "Nobody calls me a crapface and expects to get away with it!" He yelled as he grabbed Homestar by his shirt and tossed him back.
"Stop abusing Homestar that way," Marzipan tells the Children/Arrowed Guy.
"Your words mean nothing, General Marzipan," Children/Arrowed guy responded, "And your feeble attempts of escaping are no use! Face it! You cannot evade the Empire once you join it! You and Homestar Runner will be magic-users and will help us to take over the world!"
Homestar Runner kicked the Children/Arrowed Guy and ran over him and then attempted to escape. Unfortunately, Imperial Soldiers with Magitek Armor are in his way, and many imperial soldiers are getting close. Homestar Runner ran elsewhere away from the Imperial Soldiers and into a room. He found an old Baseball bat lying around. It seems the others that got sucked into the Vortex had some of their precious equipment sucked in too. Homestar picked up the Baseball bat and darted out after the enemies. "You cwapfaces are dead now!" Homestar shouted as he hits the bat right into one of the Magitek Armors, knocking it back, and squishing many imperial troops. He continued batting the Magitek Armors and destroying more of the troops in the armors as well, and the great explosions from the Magitek Armors which fell on each other explode into a lot more. Homestar noticed an unused Magitek Armor and decided to try it out. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to work it one bit, and ended up blowing parts of Vertex up, but able to blast the rest of the Magitek Armors with lightning beams and they all exploded together. The Children/Arrowed Guy observed. "Unbelievable!" He said, "Homestar Runner has the gift of fighting! He'll be the key to winning the war, or better yet, rule the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! But first, lets see if he's really worthy! Punting Dinos, get him!"
Punting Dinos jumped from the top of Vertex and surrounded Homestar. Of course, Homestar Runner decides to bat away one Punting Dino, causing a chain reaction, annihilating more than half of the punting dinos within 5 seconds. Homestar then used Fire on more Punting Dinos and hitted some more Punting Dinos there. He was able to stop the rest of the viscious dinos. The Children/Arrowed guy grinned as he said, "Perfect! You're not some dimwitted loser after all! You'll be the key to the Empire's winning!"
Homestar was pooped. Of course, this was the perfect time for some Imperial Soldiers to ambush him and send him up to the throne room. In the room, Homestar was tied to the seat. Then the Children/Arrowed Guy got inside. "HAHAHA! My own offensive and soon to be magic user," Children/Arrowed Guy said, "You only proved yourself your worth of working for the Empire! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Homestar Runner woke up with a sweat. "Oh man, I don't like it dere," He said to himself.
Homestar got out of bed and decided to walk out. Nearby he could see Strong Bad on his Compy 386 (Where'd all those Compy 386s come from?), checking the latest email. He typed out 'strongbad_email.exe' as usual. This email follows:
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Hey, Strong Bad,
What's with being the World of Balance anyways? How did you get there?
Crapfully Crap,
Something with a load of Crap
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Strong Bad then responded like this:
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Look right here, that's the most useless email I've ever read! I'll have to get it DELETED!
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Strong Bad then hit the delete key and deleted the email. He then turned to Homestar. "Uh Homestar," Strong Bad said, "Could you please get lost?"
"Why would I do dat Strong Bad?" Homestar replied.
"Because you're annoying!"
"Oh, really?"
"Well, aside from you being a freaking moron, there was this one person important to me that got jailed by the Empire and joined the Returners since. Those lousy Empire people were total crap to the freaking core! I wanted to make a difference!"
"But uh, I don't seem to have a 'other' thing dat you were tawkin abowt..."
"Homestar you're annoying, and besides, that's not even freaking true! There's other people out there that think you're important to them, even if I don't think you're important to me! Now get going before I decide to punch you in the gut!"
Homestar decided to walk off. He met up with Bubs next. "You know Homestar," Bubs said, "It's gonna be hard for us to talk you into helping us. If we like push you too much, we're no different to the Empire. We want you to make up your own mind!"
Homestar continued walking along and met with Stinkoman. "Come on Homestar," Stinkoman said, "You've got some spunk there that I admire. Holding off all those Imperial troops must be some task, right? Oh wait, I forgot! You still don't remember that do you?"
"Uh, no," Homestar replied, "But I do remember along deh lines of getting a basebwall bat and knocking some of those robots down and stuff. Dat's all I cuould really remembewr..."
Homestar then decided to go have some cold ones at the counter in part of the hideout. He met Coach Z and the Cheat there. "Hey there, Homestar!" Coach Z said, "You know, you're the only one who does a great 'joarb' using magic and stuff. None of us could even do that, you know!"
"Meeeeeeeeeehamemeeeehemee! Mehmemfa, emdeemmeh, meeehamemmeheeeme,mahmmeeeahmememeemaammeehhnamee!" (I have to agree with the Coach! With your magic, my cheats, and the rest of the party's abilities, we'll squash that no good Children/Arrowed Guy good!) The Cheat added.
"Thanks you guys," Homestar replied, "I'll decide to join. Oh and owner person or whoever, get me a couple of cold ones."
"Okay," he replied, "Here's your cold ones!"
Homestar then had those cold ones and was done with them. "Uh, where's da Blacksmith?" Homestar asked.
"The Blacksmith? I think he's outside at the entrance of the hideout," The clerk who operates the 'bar' replied. "He just went out there a moment ago."
So, Homestar then decides to head out through the entrance and finds the Blacksmith. The Blacksmith sees Homestar Runner. "So Homestar, you deciding to become our last ray of hope?" He asked.
"Absolutely!" Homestar replied.
"Really? You will?!?"
"Yeah, but I'm still scarewd!"
"Come on! We've got powerful allies and if we all work together, we'll be successful! Never give up hope!"
"Okay!"
"And I have a plan. Lets get everyone together!"
Everyone got together at the central table inside the hideout..
"Right," The Blacksmith started, "We all know that the Empire is using Magitek power in battle. Now to ask, how did the King of Town create it?"
"Me and Strong Bad looked into the rumour that the Empire is forcing the world's finest scholars to study Espers!" Bubs said.
"And all the freaking trouble in Cheatshe is over an Esper too, which in opinion is total crap!" Strong Bad added.
"Uh, let me guess," Homestar replied, "There's sum sort of connectun between Espers and Magitek?"
"I can only recall one thing linking espers with Magitek power..." The Blacksmith said.
"You don't mean..." Bubs replied.
"Indeed! The ancient war of the Magi and 20X6 and 1936..."
"Since when would 20X6 be in such a war?" Stinkoman commented, "How come I never even seen this war in action anyways?"
"Uh, we dunno Stinkoman," Coach Z replied.
"Hey, I remember being told about some stories of magical machines by a talking wheelchair... Could the myth be true?" Strong Bad said.
"It could be that ancient tragedy playing out once again," Bubs responded.
"Strong Bad, Bubs," The Blacksmith tells them, "It's just speculation, but of course historical studies have provided a number of conflicting and frightening theories, and according to one of those theories, humans and machines were imbued with powers that are drained from Espers..."
"Well, it could explain how the fweakin robot things or Magitaps or whatever have powrs..." Homestar replied.
"It's risky, but if we have Homestar Runner and speak with that Esper, it just might wake up!"
"Uh, are you sure that's wise?" Bubs questioned.
"Who can say, Bubs?" the Blacksmith responded, "Regardless, we need Homestar's help."
"Meehmeeah?" (Homestar?) The Cheat asked.
"I'm doin' it!" Homestar said.
"Hey! That's nonsense!" Coach Z replied, "It's sounding like you really enjoy this!"
"Coach Z!" Stinkoman tells Coach Z, "Just because it sounds nonsense does not mean Homestar can't help us! He's got determination!"
Just then, one of the guards of the Returners Hideout came limping. The Blacksmith ran to him.
"S...Sir Blacksmith. S...South Concession..." He said.
"What happened?" The Blacksmith asked.
"E... Empire... took Concession... and coming... this... way... auugh!" He replied, before collapsing on the ground.
"Oh crap!" Strong Bad commented, "The Empire really is ruthless!"
The Blacksmith looked back at the others. "Guys," He said, "They have found us and we haven't got a moment to lose!"
Strong Bad really was angry. "Strong Bad!" Bubs said.
"Oh yeah," Strong Bad replied, "Someone's got to sneak into South Concession and slow the freaking Empire down, right?"
"That's right up your alley! Good luck Strong Bad!" Bubs tells Strong Bad.
"Okay! Come on, The Cheat, lets slow down a moronic Empire together! To South Concession!"
"Homestar! Don't try to come with me this time! Wait for me to... punch you in the gut!" Strong Bad said before leaving.
"Strong Bad!" Bubs yelled at Strong Bad.
"Strong Bad, when you gonna stop causing Homestar grief?!? You make me have a bad image!" Stinkoman added.
Strong Bad and the Cheat left for South Concession. "What are we going to do?" The Blacksmith asked.
"Hey, we'll escape via the Lete river!" Bubs answered, "There should be a motor raft there!"
"Motor, what?" Homestar asked.
"Motor raft!" Bubs replied back, "It's a raft with engines from some of them boats which you pull the handle and it moves! Anyways, we'll escape through the Lete river with it and make our way to Cheatshe. I want to see what this Esper is!"
"Oh, so there is a motor raft now isn't there?" The Blacksmith said, "Well it's a gamble, seeing as we're fresh out of options, and regular rafts..."
Homestar looked back. "You're in danger here if you stay!" Bubs tells Homestar, "Come with us to Cheatshe. You may even learn more about your own new-found abilities as well.
"No time to dilly-dally or talk-talk-talk!" The Blacksmith reminded them.
After the discussion, Homestar Runner, Bubs, Stinkoman, Coach Z, and The Blacksmith went through a tunnel found in the hideout and are now at the Lete river. Below is the motor raft which Bubs told about. "Here we go! This raft will take us to Cheatshe!" The Blacksmith reminded the others.
The five jumped onto the motor raft and started it up. They went down the river but of course the raft went out of control. Bubs and Stinkoman operated the motors and managed to steer the raft properly. Of course, the river wasn't without it's dangers. the river had twisted paths, and of course they all ended up always taking the wrong way and end up back where they started. Also, there were also some vicious critters there as well, like octopus-snail combined critters called Nautiloids, and underwater critters called Exocites. Stinkoman and Homestar knock the critters back whence they came while Bubs and Coach Z continue controlling the engines. The Blacksmith used a technique called 'health' to bring everyone back to tip-top shape. Finally, after so many wrong turns, the five finally take the correct direction and are flowing to the cave. Of course, there doesn't seem to be anything of importance, but of course everyone takes a small break. After their small rest, they all board the raft again and Bubs and Stinkoman take the controls of the motors again, as they continue down the river.
"This is one long reeeiver!" Coach Z commented, "When is it going to stop?"
"When we get to Cheatshe, Coach!" The Blacksmith replied.
They then continued down the river, coming up to one of those multipath areas, and of course they picked the right one this time, but of course along the way, they had to deal with more Nautiloids, Exocites, and also face Pterodons as well. The Pterodons were nasty little buggers, as Homestar's attacks keep missing and Stinkoman was too concentrated on one of the motors to help out. The Blacksmith however decided to use his sledge hammer on the Pterodons, knocking them into the water. Continuing on, the five ride the raft through another cave, but did not stop this time. The raft went over a waterfall, but the landing was perfect. They continued forward, until they stopped into some sort of... purple octopus!
"My goodness! What is that?" Stinkoman asked.
"Looks like some awkward bubble gum!" Bubs replied.
"That's no bubble gum Bubs," The Blacksmith told Bubs, "That's a vicious Octopus!"
The Octopus splashed out of the water and brought the raft to a halt, knocking Bubs and Stinkoman into the water. They managed to get back onto the raft and see the vicious Octopus.
"Uwee Hee hee!" The Octopus taunted, "Game over! Don't tease the Octopus, kids!"
"Who you you think you are, Orctopuss?" Coach Z asked.
"Glad you asked," The Octopus replied, "I'm Ultros, and I'm gonna annihilate you all! Hee hee hee! I'll eat what's left of you all after I do!"
Ultros then swiped at everyone with his tentacles, hurting everyone. The Blacksmith brought everyone up to tip top shape again and clobbered Ultros with his sledge hammer. Homestar Runner decided to use Fire on Ultros. "Yeouch! Marshie-Seafood Soup!" Ultros shouted.
Ultros then spitted some ink at Homestar's eyes and blinded him. Homestar didn't know which way to go. "Uh, you guys, it's so dark!" Homestar said, "I cannot luk everywhewre or anywhereth!"
Bubs got angry at Ultros. "How dare you blind Homestar Runner like that?!?" Bubs shouted as he unloaded loads of Auto-Crossbow bolts into Ultros.
"Ow!" Ultros shouted.
Ultros then looked at whoever did that to him. "Oooh, delicious morsel," Ultros spoke to Bubs, "Let me get my bib!"
Ultros then whacked Bubs with a tentacle and knocked Bubs down, and Bubs was seeing stars. "Oh man, that's one mean Octopus!" Bubs commented.
Stinkoman looked. "You call that an attack?" Stinkoman taunted Ultros, "This is an attack! Pummel!"
Stinkoman then pummeled the beejeezus out of Ultros, and used an Aurabolt on top of that. When Ultros got over the shock, "Muscle heads er, I mean metal heads? I hate em!" Ultros shouted as he attacked Stinkoman with a tentacle, but unfortunately missed hitting Stinkoman.
The Blacksmith used his 'health' technique again, recovering everyone's health again. Homestar had some melonade to regain his strength, and used another fire spell on Ultros. "Yeouch! Seafood Soup! I need to get rid of this fire!" Ultros complained as he dived underwater, but not before hitting the Blacksmith with one of his tentacles!
Ultros then rose again, but unfortunately got owned by one last pummel from Stinkoman. "Ha! This is the first time you fought me! Th.... th.. that's all, friends!" Ultros said, as he went into the water.
"Well, I guess we thrashed that oversized squid," Stinkoman said.
"I wouldn't count on it. He's probably hiding from us!" Bubs replied.
Just then, a tentacle came out and grabbed one of Homestar Runner's legs. "Hey! Somebody get this freaking tentacle eway from me!" Homestar yelled.
"Homestar, over here!" Bubs shouted as he pulled Homestar to safety.
"Well, everything is all right now," The Blacksmith tells everyone.
Of course, Stinkoman was still intent on destroying Ultros. "That Ultros is asking for a fight, so I'm gonna annihilate him with a Blitz!" Stinkoman shouted.
"No! Steenkoman!" Coach Z told Stinkoman.
"Don't distract me, Coach Z! Ultros is literally asking for a challenge!" Stinkoman replied.
"Well, he's been a tad zealous, especially when others challenge him," Bubs said.
Stinkoman jumped into the water after Ultros. "Stinkoman!" Homestar yelled.
"Don't worry about him," The Blacksmith told Homestar.
"Uh, are you sure Stinkoman will be okay, Blacksmith?" Bubs asked.
"Well, you should know better! Any minute he will probably flop right back onto the raft."
Of course, The Blacksmith was wrong. He saw Stinkoman fly right out of the water into mid air. "Oh man!" Stinkoman yelled, "What's with this creep?!?"
In the distance, they saw Stinkoman land into the water from afar. The Blacksmith couldn't say anything. "Seems a little too perky himself," Bubs said, "Ha!"
"Stinkoman!!!" Homestar shouted.
"Stinkoman, take care of yourself!" Bubs added.
Stinkoman was getting drifted through a different branch of the Lete river, while the others kept going through the river on the left side. Homestar had to take over for operating one of the Motors, since Stinkoman went overboard. They continued through the river as usual. Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Bubs, and the Blacksmith continue riding the rapids towards Cheatshe, but of course the going won't be easy. The raft finally stopped. Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Bubs, and the Blacksmith got off the raft and walked straight towards Cheatshe. They finally got to the entrance and walked ahead. Unfortunately, they got stopped by some of the guards there.
"No entrance into here!" The guard shouted. Everyone ran away from them. They walked over to the side of the mountain.
"Uh, when Stwong Bad and teh Cheat got me out of this place, he fiddled with some something that's right about ere..." Homestar explained to everyone.
"Hmm," Bubs replied, "Well there should be some mechanism to get this entrance opened."
Bubs found the mechanism and the door opened ahead. The four enter the mines, coming up against Were Rats, but unfortunately for the rats, they died incredibly fast by the four, and the same goes for the Vaporites and Repomen inside as well. They follow through and end up outside again, this time on the mountains. They make the turn around and then enter another set of caves. Of course, in this set of caves, there was some sort of maze where they had to follow through the same way the light went, otherwise they would get into a battle.
"Huh?" Bubs went.
"Uh, what's dat?" Homestar asked.
"I think that's some sort of security checkpoint or cheesy movie effect," Bubs answered, "Any way, I think we must move along the path of it, otherwise we could get raided on by monsters! But of course if that happens, we just have to trigger the correct glittering light and we can continue on our way!"
Homestar and the others run after the light after the way it's going, making sure not to take a wrong step. Unfortunately, Coach Z goes the wrong way and gets everyone surrounded in a barrier of stars, with one of the stars being gold. Homestar readies his bat, and gets dizzy. Then, Homestar decided to just hit a star, and unknowingly hit the right one, shattering the barrier and allowing everyone to continue moving through the maze. At last, they all made it to the other side and then continued navigating the passages. They eventually found their way through the same tunnels that Homestar navigated to get away from the guards of Cheatshe before. They went through Arvis' house in the back door and continued moving on through the mountains, until they at last, found the right house. Arvis was inside.
"Blacksmith! King Bubs! Coach Z! ... and Homestar Runner!" Arvis greeted them.
"Arvis! What's happening around Cheatshe?" The Blacksmith asked.
"This town is neutral. I have tried to get the people to side with the Returners, but anyway, why have you come here?"
"First, how are the people doing?" Bubs asked.
"They all went slightly berserk when they discovered the Esper," Arvis replied.
"I think we believe that Homestar Runner is our only hope of reaching out to that Esper," The Blacksmith tells to Arvis.
"My people are dying to know what that Esper looks like. Maybe Homestar can help restore some order to our town... ?"
"Either that 'Eispher' is either going to save us, or dig us an eearly grave..." Coach Z said.
Now, what's happening at South Concession? Will Strong Bad and the Cheat slow them down? What happened to Stinkoman? Find out in the next two chapters!
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Yep. In the next two chapters, we'll see what happens with the other two groups! See ya then!
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Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
Chapter 4: Octotroubles and return to Cheatshe
-------------------------------------------------
The Next three chapters will have the gang split into some groups, but all meet together with more of their friends. Well, you'll see what I mean in the next chapters...
-------------------------------------------------
Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Coach Z, The Cheat, Bubs, and also Stinkoman have conquered the mountain that is Mt. Kolts, and are now heading to the entrance to the Returners' Hideout. They finally arrived there and got to the entrance. One of the members lead them to see the Blacksmith. "King Bubs! Right this way, please!" He said.
They were then lead to the Blacksmith. Strong Bad was glad to see him. "Hey there, Blacksmith!" Strong Bad said, "Long time, no see!"
"Nice to see you again Strong Bad," the Blacksmith replied, "Haven't seen you since 3 years ago!"
"We've brought Homestar Runner with us," Bubs told the Blacksmith.
"Is it the same Homestar Runner that can talk to Espers and the one who discovered that the King of Town was the one who got his own sheep missing?" The Blacksmith replied.
"Uh, Espers?" Homestar asked, "What are Espers? And to that other point, yeah I found out that the King ate his own sheep, and thought that they were delicous."
"Well, yeah. It seems like the Empire took advantage of him and got him to do their bidding and stuff, and perhaps bribing him to stuff." Bubs continued.
"Carrier critters crossed between a cow and a helicopter have sent word that Homestar Runner has wiped out 50 of the Empire's best soldiers in under 30 seconds," The Blacksmith explained.
"No way! That's all lies!" Homestar responded, "Like I have the ability to do all dat..."
"Oops, I needed to add the fact that Homestar destroyed 50 of the Punting Dinos in 30 seconds as well," The Blacksmith added.
"That's also fweakin' lies too!" Homestar shouted.
"Hey, shut up Homestar!" Strong Bad told Homestar.
"Blacksmith!" Bubs said, "Homestar Runner cannot remember a thing!"
Homestar was about to leave, but the Blacksmith stopped him. "Stay where you are, Homestar!" He said.
"Uh, whut do yew want to tell me?" Homestar replied.
"Perhaps you heard of this story? Once, when there were people and beings that are pure and innocent, there was a box that they were told never to open. Unfortunately, someone went to open it anyway! He unleashed all the evils of the world: Envy, Greed, Violence, and Control. All that was left inside that box was a single ray of light: Hope."
Homestar did not know what it meant at all. "Uh, I'm sorwy," Homestar said, "I don't really know what you are talking about."
"We have to confront those evils," The Blacksmith continued, "and Homestar Runner, you are that last ray of light: Hope..."
"Blacksmith!" Bubs shouted.
The Blacksmith didn't know what to even say at all currently, and he was too tired to continue on. "I'm too tired right now," The Blacksmith said, "Let me rest for awhile okay?"
And with that, the Blacksmith walked off. And of course, Homestar Runner was tired as well, and decided to go to one of the available rooms in the hideout. He found the room, then fell asleep...
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Homestar Runner and Marzipan were both locked up in the same cell. The door to their cell opened, and the Children/Arrowed Guy walked in. "What have we here?" Children/Arrowed Guy said, "Well, if it isn't Homestar Runner!"
"Uh, whut does dat mean anyways, crapface?" Homestar replied.
The Children/Arrowed Guy's face went red. "Nobody calls me a crapface and expects to get away with it!" He yelled as he grabbed Homestar by his shirt and tossed him back.
"Stop abusing Homestar that way," Marzipan tells the Children/Arrowed Guy.
"Your words mean nothing, General Marzipan," Children/Arrowed guy responded, "And your feeble attempts of escaping are no use! Face it! You cannot evade the Empire once you join it! You and Homestar Runner will be magic-users and will help us to take over the world!"
Homestar Runner kicked the Children/Arrowed Guy and ran over him and then attempted to escape. Unfortunately, Imperial Soldiers with Magitek Armor are in his way, and many imperial soldiers are getting close. Homestar Runner ran elsewhere away from the Imperial Soldiers and into a room. He found an old Baseball bat lying around. It seems the others that got sucked into the Vortex had some of their precious equipment sucked in too. Homestar picked up the Baseball bat and darted out after the enemies. "You cwapfaces are dead now!" Homestar shouted as he hits the bat right into one of the Magitek Armors, knocking it back, and squishing many imperial troops. He continued batting the Magitek Armors and destroying more of the troops in the armors as well, and the great explosions from the Magitek Armors which fell on each other explode into a lot more. Homestar noticed an unused Magitek Armor and decided to try it out. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to work it one bit, and ended up blowing parts of Vertex up, but able to blast the rest of the Magitek Armors with lightning beams and they all exploded together. The Children/Arrowed Guy observed. "Unbelievable!" He said, "Homestar Runner has the gift of fighting! He'll be the key to winning the war, or better yet, rule the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! But first, lets see if he's really worthy! Punting Dinos, get him!"
Punting Dinos jumped from the top of Vertex and surrounded Homestar. Of course, Homestar Runner decides to bat away one Punting Dino, causing a chain reaction, annihilating more than half of the punting dinos within 5 seconds. Homestar then used Fire on more Punting Dinos and hitted some more Punting Dinos there. He was able to stop the rest of the viscious dinos. The Children/Arrowed guy grinned as he said, "Perfect! You're not some dimwitted loser after all! You'll be the key to the Empire's winning!"
Homestar was pooped. Of course, this was the perfect time for some Imperial Soldiers to ambush him and send him up to the throne room. In the room, Homestar was tied to the seat. Then the Children/Arrowed Guy got inside. "HAHAHA! My own offensive and soon to be magic user," Children/Arrowed Guy said, "You only proved yourself your worth of working for the Empire! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Homestar Runner woke up with a sweat. "Oh man, I don't like it dere," He said to himself.
Homestar got out of bed and decided to walk out. Nearby he could see Strong Bad on his Compy 386 (Where'd all those Compy 386s come from?), checking the latest email. He typed out 'strongbad_email.exe' as usual. This email follows:
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Hey, Strong Bad,
What's with being the World of Balance anyways? How did you get there?
Crapfully Crap,
Something with a load of Crap
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Strong Bad then responded like this:
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Look right here, that's the most useless email I've ever read! I'll have to get it DELETED!
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Strong Bad then hit the delete key and deleted the email. He then turned to Homestar. "Uh Homestar," Strong Bad said, "Could you please get lost?"
"Why would I do dat Strong Bad?" Homestar replied.
"Because you're annoying!"
"Oh, really?"
"Well, aside from you being a freaking moron, there was this one person important to me that got jailed by the Empire and joined the Returners since. Those lousy Empire people were total crap to the freaking core! I wanted to make a difference!"
"But uh, I don't seem to have a 'other' thing dat you were tawkin abowt..."
"Homestar you're annoying, and besides, that's not even freaking true! There's other people out there that think you're important to them, even if I don't think you're important to me! Now get going before I decide to punch you in the gut!"
Homestar decided to walk off. He met up with Bubs next. "You know Homestar," Bubs said, "It's gonna be hard for us to talk you into helping us. If we like push you too much, we're no different to the Empire. We want you to make up your own mind!"
Homestar continued walking along and met with Stinkoman. "Come on Homestar," Stinkoman said, "You've got some spunk there that I admire. Holding off all those Imperial troops must be some task, right? Oh wait, I forgot! You still don't remember that do you?"
"Uh, no," Homestar replied, "But I do remember along deh lines of getting a basebwall bat and knocking some of those robots down and stuff. Dat's all I cuould really remembewr..."
Homestar then decided to go have some cold ones at the counter in part of the hideout. He met Coach Z and the Cheat there. "Hey there, Homestar!" Coach Z said, "You know, you're the only one who does a great 'joarb' using magic and stuff. None of us could even do that, you know!"
"Meeeeeeeeeehamemeeeehemee! Mehmemfa, emdeemmeh, meeehamemmeheeeme,mahmmeeeahmememeemaammeehhnamee!" (I have to agree with the Coach! With your magic, my cheats, and the rest of the party's abilities, we'll squash that no good Children/Arrowed Guy good!) The Cheat added.
"Thanks you guys," Homestar replied, "I'll decide to join. Oh and owner person or whoever, get me a couple of cold ones."
"Okay," he replied, "Here's your cold ones!"
Homestar then had those cold ones and was done with them. "Uh, where's da Blacksmith?" Homestar asked.
"The Blacksmith? I think he's outside at the entrance of the hideout," The clerk who operates the 'bar' replied. "He just went out there a moment ago."
So, Homestar then decides to head out through the entrance and finds the Blacksmith. The Blacksmith sees Homestar Runner. "So Homestar, you deciding to become our last ray of hope?" He asked.
"Absolutely!" Homestar replied.
"Really? You will?!?"
"Yeah, but I'm still scarewd!"
"Come on! We've got powerful allies and if we all work together, we'll be successful! Never give up hope!"
"Okay!"
"And I have a plan. Lets get everyone together!"
Everyone got together at the central table inside the hideout..
"Right," The Blacksmith started, "We all know that the Empire is using Magitek power in battle. Now to ask, how did the King of Town create it?"
"Me and Strong Bad looked into the rumour that the Empire is forcing the world's finest scholars to study Espers!" Bubs said.
"And all the freaking trouble in Cheatshe is over an Esper too, which in opinion is total crap!" Strong Bad added.
"Uh, let me guess," Homestar replied, "There's sum sort of connectun between Espers and Magitek?"
"I can only recall one thing linking espers with Magitek power..." The Blacksmith said.
"You don't mean..." Bubs replied.
"Indeed! The ancient war of the Magi and 20X6 and 1936..."
"Since when would 20X6 be in such a war?" Stinkoman commented, "How come I never even seen this war in action anyways?"
"Uh, we dunno Stinkoman," Coach Z replied.
"Hey, I remember being told about some stories of magical machines by a talking wheelchair... Could the myth be true?" Strong Bad said.
"It could be that ancient tragedy playing out once again," Bubs responded.
"Strong Bad, Bubs," The Blacksmith tells them, "It's just speculation, but of course historical studies have provided a number of conflicting and frightening theories, and according to one of those theories, humans and machines were imbued with powers that are drained from Espers..."
"Well, it could explain how the fweakin robot things or Magitaps or whatever have powrs..." Homestar replied.
"It's risky, but if we have Homestar Runner and speak with that Esper, it just might wake up!"
"Uh, are you sure that's wise?" Bubs questioned.
"Who can say, Bubs?" the Blacksmith responded, "Regardless, we need Homestar's help."
"Meehmeeah?" (Homestar?) The Cheat asked.
"I'm doin' it!" Homestar said.
"Hey! That's nonsense!" Coach Z replied, "It's sounding like you really enjoy this!"
"Coach Z!" Stinkoman tells Coach Z, "Just because it sounds nonsense does not mean Homestar can't help us! He's got determination!"
Just then, one of the guards of the Returners Hideout came limping. The Blacksmith ran to him.
"S...Sir Blacksmith. S...South Concession..." He said.
"What happened?" The Blacksmith asked.
"E... Empire... took Concession... and coming... this... way... auugh!" He replied, before collapsing on the ground.
"Oh crap!" Strong Bad commented, "The Empire really is ruthless!"
The Blacksmith looked back at the others. "Guys," He said, "They have found us and we haven't got a moment to lose!"
Strong Bad really was angry. "Strong Bad!" Bubs said.
"Oh yeah," Strong Bad replied, "Someone's got to sneak into South Concession and slow the freaking Empire down, right?"
"That's right up your alley! Good luck Strong Bad!" Bubs tells Strong Bad.
"Okay! Come on, The Cheat, lets slow down a moronic Empire together! To South Concession!"
"Homestar! Don't try to come with me this time! Wait for me to... punch you in the gut!" Strong Bad said before leaving.
"Strong Bad!" Bubs yelled at Strong Bad.
"Strong Bad, when you gonna stop causing Homestar grief?!? You make me have a bad image!" Stinkoman added.
Strong Bad and the Cheat left for South Concession. "What are we going to do?" The Blacksmith asked.
"Hey, we'll escape via the Lete river!" Bubs answered, "There should be a motor raft there!"
"Motor, what?" Homestar asked.
"Motor raft!" Bubs replied back, "It's a raft with engines from some of them boats which you pull the handle and it moves! Anyways, we'll escape through the Lete river with it and make our way to Cheatshe. I want to see what this Esper is!"
"Oh, so there is a motor raft now isn't there?" The Blacksmith said, "Well it's a gamble, seeing as we're fresh out of options, and regular rafts..."
Homestar looked back. "You're in danger here if you stay!" Bubs tells Homestar, "Come with us to Cheatshe. You may even learn more about your own new-found abilities as well.
"No time to dilly-dally or talk-talk-talk!" The Blacksmith reminded them.
After the discussion, Homestar Runner, Bubs, Stinkoman, Coach Z, and The Blacksmith went through a tunnel found in the hideout and are now at the Lete river. Below is the motor raft which Bubs told about. "Here we go! This raft will take us to Cheatshe!" The Blacksmith reminded the others.
The five jumped onto the motor raft and started it up. They went down the river but of course the raft went out of control. Bubs and Stinkoman operated the motors and managed to steer the raft properly. Of course, the river wasn't without it's dangers. the river had twisted paths, and of course they all ended up always taking the wrong way and end up back where they started. Also, there were also some vicious critters there as well, like octopus-snail combined critters called Nautiloids, and underwater critters called Exocites. Stinkoman and Homestar knock the critters back whence they came while Bubs and Coach Z continue controlling the engines. The Blacksmith used a technique called 'health' to bring everyone back to tip-top shape. Finally, after so many wrong turns, the five finally take the correct direction and are flowing to the cave. Of course, there doesn't seem to be anything of importance, but of course everyone takes a small break. After their small rest, they all board the raft again and Bubs and Stinkoman take the controls of the motors again, as they continue down the river.
"This is one long reeeiver!" Coach Z commented, "When is it going to stop?"
"When we get to Cheatshe, Coach!" The Blacksmith replied.
They then continued down the river, coming up to one of those multipath areas, and of course they picked the right one this time, but of course along the way, they had to deal with more Nautiloids, Exocites, and also face Pterodons as well. The Pterodons were nasty little buggers, as Homestar's attacks keep missing and Stinkoman was too concentrated on one of the motors to help out. The Blacksmith however decided to use his sledge hammer on the Pterodons, knocking them into the water. Continuing on, the five ride the raft through another cave, but did not stop this time. The raft went over a waterfall, but the landing was perfect. They continued forward, until they stopped into some sort of... purple octopus!
"My goodness! What is that?" Stinkoman asked.
"Looks like some awkward bubble gum!" Bubs replied.
"That's no bubble gum Bubs," The Blacksmith told Bubs, "That's a vicious Octopus!"
The Octopus splashed out of the water and brought the raft to a halt, knocking Bubs and Stinkoman into the water. They managed to get back onto the raft and see the vicious Octopus.
"Uwee Hee hee!" The Octopus taunted, "Game over! Don't tease the Octopus, kids!"
"Who you you think you are, Orctopuss?" Coach Z asked.
"Glad you asked," The Octopus replied, "I'm Ultros, and I'm gonna annihilate you all! Hee hee hee! I'll eat what's left of you all after I do!"
Ultros then swiped at everyone with his tentacles, hurting everyone. The Blacksmith brought everyone up to tip top shape again and clobbered Ultros with his sledge hammer. Homestar Runner decided to use Fire on Ultros. "Yeouch! Marshie-Seafood Soup!" Ultros shouted.
Ultros then spitted some ink at Homestar's eyes and blinded him. Homestar didn't know which way to go. "Uh, you guys, it's so dark!" Homestar said, "I cannot luk everywhewre or anywhereth!"
Bubs got angry at Ultros. "How dare you blind Homestar Runner like that?!?" Bubs shouted as he unloaded loads of Auto-Crossbow bolts into Ultros.
"Ow!" Ultros shouted.
Ultros then looked at whoever did that to him. "Oooh, delicious morsel," Ultros spoke to Bubs, "Let me get my bib!"
Ultros then whacked Bubs with a tentacle and knocked Bubs down, and Bubs was seeing stars. "Oh man, that's one mean Octopus!" Bubs commented.
Stinkoman looked. "You call that an attack?" Stinkoman taunted Ultros, "This is an attack! Pummel!"
Stinkoman then pummeled the beejeezus out of Ultros, and used an Aurabolt on top of that. When Ultros got over the shock, "Muscle heads er, I mean metal heads? I hate em!" Ultros shouted as he attacked Stinkoman with a tentacle, but unfortunately missed hitting Stinkoman.
The Blacksmith used his 'health' technique again, recovering everyone's health again. Homestar had some melonade to regain his strength, and used another fire spell on Ultros. "Yeouch! Seafood Soup! I need to get rid of this fire!" Ultros complained as he dived underwater, but not before hitting the Blacksmith with one of his tentacles!
Ultros then rose again, but unfortunately got owned by one last pummel from Stinkoman. "Ha! This is the first time you fought me! Th.... th.. that's all, friends!" Ultros said, as he went into the water.
"Well, I guess we thrashed that oversized squid," Stinkoman said.
"I wouldn't count on it. He's probably hiding from us!" Bubs replied.
Just then, a tentacle came out and grabbed one of Homestar Runner's legs. "Hey! Somebody get this freaking tentacle eway from me!" Homestar yelled.
"Homestar, over here!" Bubs shouted as he pulled Homestar to safety.
"Well, everything is all right now," The Blacksmith tells everyone.
Of course, Stinkoman was still intent on destroying Ultros. "That Ultros is asking for a fight, so I'm gonna annihilate him with a Blitz!" Stinkoman shouted.
"No! Steenkoman!" Coach Z told Stinkoman.
"Don't distract me, Coach Z! Ultros is literally asking for a challenge!" Stinkoman replied.
"Well, he's been a tad zealous, especially when others challenge him," Bubs said.
Stinkoman jumped into the water after Ultros. "Stinkoman!" Homestar yelled.
"Don't worry about him," The Blacksmith told Homestar.
"Uh, are you sure Stinkoman will be okay, Blacksmith?" Bubs asked.
"Well, you should know better! Any minute he will probably flop right back onto the raft."
Of course, The Blacksmith was wrong. He saw Stinkoman fly right out of the water into mid air. "Oh man!" Stinkoman yelled, "What's with this creep?!?"
In the distance, they saw Stinkoman land into the water from afar. The Blacksmith couldn't say anything. "Seems a little too perky himself," Bubs said, "Ha!"
"Stinkoman!!!" Homestar shouted.
"Stinkoman, take care of yourself!" Bubs added.
Stinkoman was getting drifted through a different branch of the Lete river, while the others kept going through the river on the left side. Homestar had to take over for operating one of the Motors, since Stinkoman went overboard. They continued through the river as usual. Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Bubs, and the Blacksmith continue riding the rapids towards Cheatshe, but of course the going won't be easy. The raft finally stopped. Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Bubs, and the Blacksmith got off the raft and walked straight towards Cheatshe. They finally got to the entrance and walked ahead. Unfortunately, they got stopped by some of the guards there.
"No entrance into here!" The guard shouted. Everyone ran away from them. They walked over to the side of the mountain.
"Uh, when Stwong Bad and teh Cheat got me out of this place, he fiddled with some something that's right about ere..." Homestar explained to everyone.
"Hmm," Bubs replied, "Well there should be some mechanism to get this entrance opened."
Bubs found the mechanism and the door opened ahead. The four enter the mines, coming up against Were Rats, but unfortunately for the rats, they died incredibly fast by the four, and the same goes for the Vaporites and Repomen inside as well. They follow through and end up outside again, this time on the mountains. They make the turn around and then enter another set of caves. Of course, in this set of caves, there was some sort of maze where they had to follow through the same way the light went, otherwise they would get into a battle.
"Huh?" Bubs went.
"Uh, what's dat?" Homestar asked.
"I think that's some sort of security checkpoint or cheesy movie effect," Bubs answered, "Any way, I think we must move along the path of it, otherwise we could get raided on by monsters! But of course if that happens, we just have to trigger the correct glittering light and we can continue on our way!"
Homestar and the others run after the light after the way it's going, making sure not to take a wrong step. Unfortunately, Coach Z goes the wrong way and gets everyone surrounded in a barrier of stars, with one of the stars being gold. Homestar readies his bat, and gets dizzy. Then, Homestar decided to just hit a star, and unknowingly hit the right one, shattering the barrier and allowing everyone to continue moving through the maze. At last, they all made it to the other side and then continued navigating the passages. They eventually found their way through the same tunnels that Homestar navigated to get away from the guards of Cheatshe before. They went through Arvis' house in the back door and continued moving on through the mountains, until they at last, found the right house. Arvis was inside.
"Blacksmith! King Bubs! Coach Z! ... and Homestar Runner!" Arvis greeted them.
"Arvis! What's happening around Cheatshe?" The Blacksmith asked.
"This town is neutral. I have tried to get the people to side with the Returners, but anyway, why have you come here?"
"First, how are the people doing?" Bubs asked.
"They all went slightly berserk when they discovered the Esper," Arvis replied.
"I think we believe that Homestar Runner is our only hope of reaching out to that Esper," The Blacksmith tells to Arvis.
"My people are dying to know what that Esper looks like. Maybe Homestar can help restore some order to our town... ?"
"Either that 'Eispher' is either going to save us, or dig us an eearly grave..." Coach Z said.
Now, what's happening at South Concession? Will Strong Bad and the Cheat slow them down? What happened to Stinkoman? Find out in the next two chapters!
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Yep. In the next two chapters, we'll see what happens with the other two groups! See ya then!
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