Aishuu Offers:
Secrets of the Sohma
Mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fruits Baskets is most assuredly not mine. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.
Dedication: Ina-chan for all her help and emails, both long and contemplative, and quick and informative.
Part Two: Penumbra
I had a lot to think about after that.
It's not the nature of a teenager to think strongly on things from a balanced perspective; we tend to think only of ourselves and how everything relates to us.... But this time, I think I was entitled to that. Haru, Yuki, Kyou and Tohru had certainly given me enough to ponder.
The next day at school, I found my popularity even more overwhelming than it usually was. The girls all were begging to be invited over to my house or have me get pictures of my cousins. Even Sakurada-sensei was nicer to me, offering extra help after school, if I needed it. The idea was ridiculous, since I was one of her top students.
"Momo-chan?" Hisae asked after I fended off the twentieth attempt by yet another girl to get Yuki's picture. "I..." She lowered her eyelashes, and I could see that she was about to ask the question I was learning to dread.
"Not you, too!" I exclaimed. "I can't get pictures of them... I don't even have them myself!" I pointed out, sounding sharper than I had intended.
"But- can't you ask? I'm sure Hatsuharu-sama and Kyou-sama aren't camera shy, and if Yuki-sama is clan head..." Nakuru was the one who chimed in this time.
I gave them both death glares. "This was the first time they've ever deigned to have anything to DO with me, and now the school's making them into public property!" I tried not to pout, and I definitely tried not to think on how Nakuru, who was usually cheerfully levelheaded, was addressing my cousins as "sama."
Hisae sighed, and her dark brown eyes grew dreamy. "Normally I'd side with you... But... Your cousins are just so handsome... They belong to the entire female population."
"Yuki-niisama's engaged to Tohru-san," I pointed out tartly. "And Kyou-niisan is dating Kagura-neesan... And can you imagine what your parents would do if you brought Haru-niisan home?" I asked.
My friends feigned a swoon. "It'd be worth it... Don't you think, Sae?" Nakuru asked.
"Oh, they'd kill me, but it'd be so worth it!" Hisae agreed.
"Traitors," I muttered.
Hisae must have noticed that I was near my breaking point. "Will you see them again anytime soon?" she asked.
I blinked at her suspiciously. "I don't live on the main compound, so unless there's some pressing reason, I won't see them until New Year's. Well... until Tohru and Yuki's wedding, and that's-"
I stopped abruptly, remembering the invitation to the engagement party that had come in the mail several weeks before. Yuki and Tohru would be hosting a clan gathering that very weekend to celebrate their approaching nuptials, and though I hadn't planned on going, I could.
"Yes?" Nakuru prodded.
"There's a party at the compound this weekend, for Yuki-niisama and Tohru-san's engagement... I hadn't intended on going, but..." I trailed off, thinking about the possibilities.
Hisae studied my pale features. "Your family really doesn't like you much, do they?"
"Well, they've always isolated me before. This was the first time I've ever spoken to them, and it was... nice. I enjoyed it. The Sohma family is very large, and it's close. I always thought it was because Mama was gaijin and Papa married her without approval, but that can't be it." Hatsuharu's quiet words before he departed made me seriously doubt that, but it wasn't something I could share with my friends.
It was Sohma business.
"You should go," Nakuru told me, losing all her giddiness over my cousins, and reverting to the friend I had always relied on. "It's important to you to know about your family, isn't it?"
"More than anything," I agreed.
"If they showed up here, it must mean they are willing to talk to you," Nakuru continued logically.
I nodded, but a part of me questioned that. I remembered Haru's hints of someone working behind the scenes on my behalf, and I knew that clan politics had come into play. However... who could it be? Papa was not that influential in the family. He may have owned one of the businesses, but there were many. We were a very rich family.
Hisae winked at me. "Besides, even if they don't talk to you, I'm sure seeing Yuki-sama in a kimono will be worth it!" she teased.
"He's my cousin!" I growled before pouncing on her, intent on inflicting light bodily damage. The three of us laughed merrily, but seeds of doubt nagged my heart.
*
I pressed my hands over the gold kimono I had selected to wear to Yuki and Tohru's engagement party. It was a very large deal, and I knew that most of the family would be coming. Papa had been surprised at my insistence that I was old enough to go, but he humored me, going so far as to purchase the new outfit.
Mama had been more worried, since she wasn't fond of visiting the Main House. I had told her that I would be fine, and that I had met Tohru-san and I was sure she would be kind. "Tohru-san will be surrounded by members of the family who want to offer their congratulations. They won't pay attention to you, and Tohru will barely have time to say hello," she argued. "And I really don't want to go and face another round of alienation."
I smiled at her, picking up her hands and squeezing them reassuringly. "The ones who came to my conference day at school were very kind, and Yuki-niisama was one of them. They'll follow his lead," I told her gently. "I want this, Mama."
She must have seen the determination in my eyes, for she nodded slowly. "I'll help you get ready, but I'm not going," she said with stubbornness matching my own. "You need to learn what they're like on your own. I think you're old enough to see that your father's family is not..." she paused, searching for a word, "kind. I have no idea why they showed up at your school, but they had reasons of their own."
I was reflective as I remembered Hatsuharu's final words to me. They had reasons, but I was sure they were good ones. "Mama, they are my family," I told her forcefully. "I am a Sohma... I want to be one of them in truth, as well as in name."
Mama reached out, her arms creeping around me, and then she was embracing me more tightly than I ever remembered. "Oh, Momo," she whispered, and tears beaded on her cheeks.
That was how I found myself outside the compound doors, alone. Papa was unable to come because of a meeting, and Mama had remained true to her promise not to go. The compound was so huge, and I felt so small. I shivered a bit, and wondered if I was crazy, to confront the family by myself. Still, I squared my shoulders and put my chin up, and with dainty steps, I entered.
People were everywhere, and I felt lost in the sea. Everyone was so beautiful and elegant, and I felt like I was a small fish in the swirl of activity that I didn't understand.
"Who's she?" I heard one of them whisper.
"It's that women's child," was the spiteful reply.
What was I doing there? I wondered as I felt the disdainful eyes of some of the older women swipe over me. I started to back away towards the door, hoping to make a graceful exit before too many people saw I was there. I wasn't wanted...
"You're not going to let them win so easily, are you?" a quiet voice asked, and I looked over to see Hatsuharu looking down on me with those silvery eyes that didn't miss anything. His clothes were entirely black, contrasting with his white hair strikingly, and his arms were folded across his chest. The women who had been whispering swept away in confusion when they saw him begin to speak to me.
"I-" I began, but was unable to lie to him. "I'm so out of place here," I said softly.
"Make a place for yourself, Momo. There are those who don't want you here, but it's important that you join the clan," he informed me, coming to my side. His face was expressionless, but there was an intensity to him that I found compelling.
"Why? Why are you being so kind to me? What are the secrets you hinted to me about that you seem to think I can help with?" Haru's eyes fell away from my face. "I promised not to tell." I gritted my teeth when he remained resolutely silent. "Who can tell me?" I demanded, realizing that it was futile to threaten him. He was a good foot taller than I was, thirty kilos heavier, and much more highly regarded than I could ever hope to be. I looked around at the members of the clan, trying to decide which ones would deign to talk to me.
"The person who has the most right to tell you won't for fear of hurting you," he answered long after I had given up hope of him telling me anything. "Your mother doesn't even remember, and your father- he's too weak," Haru said scornfully.
"Papa's not weak!" I argued. Then what he said registered. "Would that person who has the right be the one who sent you four to my school for my conferences?" I asked.
Haru sighed a bit, but a look of satisfaction sparkled in his eyes. I had figured out what he wanted me to know, apparently. "I won't go into this, Momo-chan, but he is. If anyone is deserving of the clan's hate, it's your father, Sohma Mitsuru. But that doesn't matter right now. Tonight is about celebration, and if there's one thing this family does well, it's throw a party. Would you like to see Tohru and Yuki to offer your congratulations?"
I perked up, relieved to get off the dark subject. Hearing my father described so negatively made me uncomfortable. "I'd like to, but I doubt I'll be able to get near them."
"I'll get you in," Haru promised. He offered his hand to me, and I shyly took it. His hand was surprisingly soft, and I blushed as he guided me through the crowd to the largest house on the compound where the center of the party was.
I heard the family whisper as we wove through the masses, but Haru was highly ranked. He was able to cut through them like they weren't there, and since I was beside him, I was treated with the same deference. Before I knew it, I stood before Yuki and Tohru.
They were each dressed formally, though not in kimonos as I had been expecting. Yuki was wearing a Chinese-style outfit made of purple and black with elaborate embroidery, while Tohru was wearing a beautiful white and yellow creation that flowed around her like a young girl's dream. Tohru was beaming at whoever approached them with genuine happiness, but Yuki seemed more reserved. It was only when his eyes fell on his fiancée that he gentled. I hoped that someday, someone would look at me like that.
"Yuki, Tohru..." Haru said quietly.
Yuki's eyes narrowed a bit as they focused on my face, then he smiled at me. "Hello, Momo-chan. It's nice to see you."
Tohru was less hesitant. She left Yuki's side, and flung her arms around me joyfully. "I'm so happy you came!" she said, and her sincerity was unquestionable.
"I wanted to wish you both the best," I said shyly, as my arms wrapped around her in return. She was so warm, and she smelled like strawberries and spring rain. Hugging her was like embracing a warm summer's day.
"That's so kind of you," she replied. Tohru pulled back a moment later, going to take Yuki's hand. Their fingers laced together with familiarity, and the loving look they exchanged spoke volumes.
Haru pushed me forward, and I stood before my clan head and his intended.
"Did your parents come?" Yuki asked.
"Papa had to work, and Mama..." I trailed off, trying to think of a social lie, but finding myself unable to come up with one that his clear violet eyes wouldn't pierce right through.
Tohru gave me a smile, rescuing me graciously. "How about you go and enjoy the party? Yuki and I have a lot of people we need to talk to, but I'd like to talk to you some more!" she said.
I felt my smile bloom at her wish to have me there. "I'd like that," I said.
Yuki gave me a considering look, surveying me from head to feet, then bent forward and kissed me on the cheek. "Have fun, cousin."
I blushed a brilliant shade of red, and a hushed silence surrounded us as Haru led me away to a table that had been set up. There were many houses on the compound with various activities going on, but for Haru to sit with me here, after Yuki had treated me so warmly was a clear sign that I was to be acknowledged.
My shunning was over.
We were on the side, but had a wonderful view of what was going on. The platter in front of us was full of food, but I was too giddy to eat. My stomach was unsettled, and I wondered if I would ever calm down. I had been acknowledged after so long in front of the family by Yuki, the clan head. I was wanted, at last. It was a wonderful feeling.
I grinned at Haru. "I was so nervous!" I confessed after expelling a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding onto. "I was afraid he was going to ignore me."
"Yuki wouldn't do that. He's very different than Akito." His eyes darted over to where Tohru and Yuki were welcoming Sohma Hatori, the family's physician. I had never seen him, although he took care of Sohma clan members exclusively. Whenever I was sick, Papa called an expensive, but outside, expert. A small grin played on Haru's lips as he returned his attention to me. "Yuki is nice, once you get to know him."
I stared at Haru as I realized that he had been in on what had happened. "You knew he was going to acknowledge me..." I accused him.
"We had discussed it," Haru told me, leaning over and taking a grape off the platter. "The sins of the past aren't your fault."
"I think..." I whispered, staring at my hands, "I think those sins you hinted to me were a shadow over my life."
"Oh?" Haru asked, leaning forward a bit in interest.
"When I was little, I was terribly shy," I told Haru. "I always clung to Mama's skirts, and I couldn't really talk that well."
"I remember," Haru said, and his expression was neutral. "What changed?"
"One day, when I was in fourth grade, I got a card from a secret admirer. It told me all the things they liked about me, and how they wished I would smile more often, because I had such a beautiful smile." My voice grew wistful. "I never did find out who sent it, but it really helps to know that someone admires you like that. After that, it became easier to talk. And I began to make friends, and things continued to cycle until I was suddenly the most popular girl in school."
"All because of a card?"
"We change people's lives without knowing, Haru- sometimes a simple word or gesture can have an enormous impact on someone, and change the course of their lives."
He thought on my words for a moment. "I think I know some people like that. They change us just by existing. They're special."
I nodded. "Some people are catalysts who always do it, but we all have that power." I fiddle with one of my long curls, before realizing I was doing it. It was a nervous habit of mine. "I think I was so unsure because my family hated me so much. Whenever I came to a gathering, I was ignored." I felt moisture gather in my eyes, but I refused to shed tears. I did not want pity. "I wanted so much to be a part of the family, but I could never become close to it."
"The Sohma family is not all it's cracked up to be. Do you remember Akito?"
I nodded. "I saw him once or twice, but he never spoke to me."
"You're lucky. He was very cruel," Haru said, lost in memory, and his fingers toyed with the edge of his sleeve thoughtlessly. "Very cold and manipulative, and hard to love."
"Why isn't Yuki clan head in truth?" I asked daringly. "Papa says that he's merely the interim, but I don't get it."
My distant cousin entertained one of those thoughtful pauses he seemed so fond of. "You may bear the name Sohma, but you're not really one of us," he told me after a moment. "Only a real Sohma will understand. The Clan Head will be born to the position, as Yuki is to his, and I am to mine."
"A real Sohma?" I echoed, feeling as though my heart was being stomped on. Haru was being kind to me, I knew, taking time to explain to me. Yuki had accepted me, I had believed, but now Haru was telling me I wasn't one of them. I was confused and injured.
"Your father is one, much to his despair. Your mother will never be one. She had the chance, and it broke her." His gray eyes gained more silver, and I fell into the depths, feeling like I was drowning in ageless wisdom and secrets I couldn't understand.
"Haru... They don't hate me and Mama because we're gaijin, do they?" I asked softly.
He shook his head. "There's been others who married into the family, Momo. Your mother did something that cannot be forgiven," he replied, and his voice was just as low as mine.
We watched the other members of the family move towards Yuki, and I watched as he spoke to them. Tohru was by his side, and there was a reverence for her from some of the members I found touching.
"Everything can be forgiven," I told him, believing it with all my heart.
He studied me, and I noticed how his eyes, too, went over to where Tohru stood. She was talking to one of my cousins, Kisa, waving her hands with delight, as Kisa gazed at her with adoration. Haru's eyes softened. "You sound like Tohru, a bit. But forgiveness can not be given until it is asked for, and your mother does not know to ask for it."
"What did she do?" I asked. I desperately wanted to be one of those in the crowd, to join in the engagement party, rather than sitting on the sidelines. I still felt the chill in the air, and I knew that Haru had been right about me not being one of them, despite Yuki's acknowledgement. I was not to be treated cruelly anymore, but that did not mean I was to be let in on those secrets that danced around me.
He considered my question carefully, and I knew he was trying to figure out how to word the answer so as not to give too much away. "She was selfish. She seized her own happiness at the expense of another."
"I don't think Mama is very happy with the way the Sohma family treats her," I replied.
"She's luckier than she deserves," Haru said, and his eyes flashed, and I realized that the gentleness I had seen in him was fading away. His face was becoming wild, and I was afraid of him suddenly. Haru was transforming before my eyes into something frightening.
"Haru," I said, pulling back a bit. I didn't know what else to do, and I had the feeling that no one else would rescue me should he lose complete control of the temper I could see rising in his quicksilver eyes.
"If I had my way, she'd be dead." He smiled wickedly, and leaned in close to me. "She should be grateful that being ignored is all she gets. The Sohma family isn't -"
"Haru!" a voice snapped. We both turned in unison to see Kyou standing there, with Kagura next to him. Kyou had a vein pulsing at his temple, and Kagura wore a look of long-suffering exasperation.
Kagura came over to me and patted me on the shoulder. "You'd better step back," she warned. "This could get ugly."
And it did, but not in the way she was anticipating. It got uglier than any of us could have foreseen.
"What? I'm merely telling the princess some home truths," he snapped, and he rose to his feet, glaring at Kyou. I curled up a bit inside, but Kagura held onto my shoulder, preventing me from retreating. I had to watch; for once, I was a pivotal part of the family, but not the way I wanted to be.
"Don't take anything Haru says too seriously right now," Kagura whispered to me. "He has a bit of a split personality... We call him 'Black Haru' when he loses his temper. He hardly remembers it, and it's not the real him. I wonder what triggered it, though. Kyou wasn't around, and I don't see anyone else who tends to inflame him..." She gave me a curious glance.
"We were talking about my mother," I confessed. I wondered if Kagura hated her, too. I had only met Kagura a handful of times, but she had always seemed nice enough.
"Ah." That one syllable was layered with emotion, and Kagura seemed to shut a piece of herself off.
Meanwhile, Kyou and Haru were escalating. Haru was leaning menacingly close to Kyou, and ranting incoherently. Kyou wasn't much better, yelling about childhood incidents, and how Haru was nowhere near Yuki's level, so not even to bother trying to fighting. Finally, Haru pushed what must have been the last trigger. "Well, it doesn't matter that you're a professional martial artist! Yuki still ties you into knots without trying!"
Combustion.
Kyou exploded into action, and Haru laughed wildly, parrying the blow easily. I gasped, raising a hand to cover my mouth, but Kagura just sighed. "Don't worry. If it gets bad enough, Yuki will separate them." I glanced over at the slender man who served as our clan head, and wondered if he could really manage the two wild combatants. The concern in my eyes must have been vivid, because Kagura laughed. "Don't worry! Yun-chan can tie them both up with one hand behind his back!" she said, and she giggled a bit.
I over at Yuki again, and this time he met my eyes briefly. A glimmer of something in those misty lavender depths sent shivers through me, and I didn't doubt Kagura was right. "Why are they fighting?" I asked.
"It's a long story, but I like to blame it on pride. Or hierarchy. Haru's ranked higher in the family than Kyou, but Kyou's the better fighter. It's a bit of a balancing act so they can be friends." She watched them fight, and growled when Haru tried to bite Kyou. "FOUL!" she yelled.
I blinked a bit. They were insane. I couldn't believe I was related to them. I watched as Kyou's foot raced for Haru's face, feeling like I was watching a martial art's drama. Then it clicked, and I started to laugh. "You're such hams," I told them. "You're trying to distract me..."
Haru smiled slightly as he ducked a punch from Kyou. "I'm not, but Kyou certainly is. I think you're old enough to confront some pain. The others...." He glared fiercely at Kyou, who moved over to stand in front of me, as though to protect me from Haru.
"She doesn't deserve it," Kyou retorted. "She doesn't need to bear any suffering. Let her, at least, be innocent. She's a child."
"So was he!" Haru snapped. Dead silence met Haru's explosive statement, and Kagura's hand fell away from me.
I felt myself pale and I started to shake as Haru's hints about something terrible in my mother's past gelled. "He?" I whispered. "My mother... did something to a child?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
END CHAPTER TWO
Notes: This is an informal family celebration - just something I figured the Sohma clan would do. It's not based off any element of the Japanese culture, but the Sohma defy a lot of Japanese culture. I decided not to have Yuki and Tohru wear kimonos, since there will be other celebrations that do follow proper Japanese procedure. Oh, and the dress Tohru wears is an Ayame creation. ^_^
We see the Sohma compound in episode 8 of the anime. I'm playing it that the party is ALL over the compound, but that Yuki and Tohru are in the main house. Only the highly ranked members (the Jyunishi and those they invite) would be allowed to linger here, while everyone comes in, offers their best wishes, and get out!
Penumbra has four definitions (I checked because it's such a cool word - originally this chapter was going to be called "Hatsuharu" but it took a direction I hadn't anticipated so it needed to be renamed!). The ones I feel apply are:
A partial shadow, as in an eclipse, between regions of complete shadow and complete illumination.
An area in which something exists to a lesser or uncertain degree.
An outlying surrounding region; a periphery.
Thanks to Lyra for the edit.
Remember, feedback is something writers like, crave, and keeps them prioritized and moving!
Secrets of the Sohma
Mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fruits Baskets is most assuredly not mine. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.
Dedication: Ina-chan for all her help and emails, both long and contemplative, and quick and informative.
Part Two: Penumbra
I had a lot to think about after that.
It's not the nature of a teenager to think strongly on things from a balanced perspective; we tend to think only of ourselves and how everything relates to us.... But this time, I think I was entitled to that. Haru, Yuki, Kyou and Tohru had certainly given me enough to ponder.
The next day at school, I found my popularity even more overwhelming than it usually was. The girls all were begging to be invited over to my house or have me get pictures of my cousins. Even Sakurada-sensei was nicer to me, offering extra help after school, if I needed it. The idea was ridiculous, since I was one of her top students.
"Momo-chan?" Hisae asked after I fended off the twentieth attempt by yet another girl to get Yuki's picture. "I..." She lowered her eyelashes, and I could see that she was about to ask the question I was learning to dread.
"Not you, too!" I exclaimed. "I can't get pictures of them... I don't even have them myself!" I pointed out, sounding sharper than I had intended.
"But- can't you ask? I'm sure Hatsuharu-sama and Kyou-sama aren't camera shy, and if Yuki-sama is clan head..." Nakuru was the one who chimed in this time.
I gave them both death glares. "This was the first time they've ever deigned to have anything to DO with me, and now the school's making them into public property!" I tried not to pout, and I definitely tried not to think on how Nakuru, who was usually cheerfully levelheaded, was addressing my cousins as "sama."
Hisae sighed, and her dark brown eyes grew dreamy. "Normally I'd side with you... But... Your cousins are just so handsome... They belong to the entire female population."
"Yuki-niisama's engaged to Tohru-san," I pointed out tartly. "And Kyou-niisan is dating Kagura-neesan... And can you imagine what your parents would do if you brought Haru-niisan home?" I asked.
My friends feigned a swoon. "It'd be worth it... Don't you think, Sae?" Nakuru asked.
"Oh, they'd kill me, but it'd be so worth it!" Hisae agreed.
"Traitors," I muttered.
Hisae must have noticed that I was near my breaking point. "Will you see them again anytime soon?" she asked.
I blinked at her suspiciously. "I don't live on the main compound, so unless there's some pressing reason, I won't see them until New Year's. Well... until Tohru and Yuki's wedding, and that's-"
I stopped abruptly, remembering the invitation to the engagement party that had come in the mail several weeks before. Yuki and Tohru would be hosting a clan gathering that very weekend to celebrate their approaching nuptials, and though I hadn't planned on going, I could.
"Yes?" Nakuru prodded.
"There's a party at the compound this weekend, for Yuki-niisama and Tohru-san's engagement... I hadn't intended on going, but..." I trailed off, thinking about the possibilities.
Hisae studied my pale features. "Your family really doesn't like you much, do they?"
"Well, they've always isolated me before. This was the first time I've ever spoken to them, and it was... nice. I enjoyed it. The Sohma family is very large, and it's close. I always thought it was because Mama was gaijin and Papa married her without approval, but that can't be it." Hatsuharu's quiet words before he departed made me seriously doubt that, but it wasn't something I could share with my friends.
It was Sohma business.
"You should go," Nakuru told me, losing all her giddiness over my cousins, and reverting to the friend I had always relied on. "It's important to you to know about your family, isn't it?"
"More than anything," I agreed.
"If they showed up here, it must mean they are willing to talk to you," Nakuru continued logically.
I nodded, but a part of me questioned that. I remembered Haru's hints of someone working behind the scenes on my behalf, and I knew that clan politics had come into play. However... who could it be? Papa was not that influential in the family. He may have owned one of the businesses, but there were many. We were a very rich family.
Hisae winked at me. "Besides, even if they don't talk to you, I'm sure seeing Yuki-sama in a kimono will be worth it!" she teased.
"He's my cousin!" I growled before pouncing on her, intent on inflicting light bodily damage. The three of us laughed merrily, but seeds of doubt nagged my heart.
*
I pressed my hands over the gold kimono I had selected to wear to Yuki and Tohru's engagement party. It was a very large deal, and I knew that most of the family would be coming. Papa had been surprised at my insistence that I was old enough to go, but he humored me, going so far as to purchase the new outfit.
Mama had been more worried, since she wasn't fond of visiting the Main House. I had told her that I would be fine, and that I had met Tohru-san and I was sure she would be kind. "Tohru-san will be surrounded by members of the family who want to offer their congratulations. They won't pay attention to you, and Tohru will barely have time to say hello," she argued. "And I really don't want to go and face another round of alienation."
I smiled at her, picking up her hands and squeezing them reassuringly. "The ones who came to my conference day at school were very kind, and Yuki-niisama was one of them. They'll follow his lead," I told her gently. "I want this, Mama."
She must have seen the determination in my eyes, for she nodded slowly. "I'll help you get ready, but I'm not going," she said with stubbornness matching my own. "You need to learn what they're like on your own. I think you're old enough to see that your father's family is not..." she paused, searching for a word, "kind. I have no idea why they showed up at your school, but they had reasons of their own."
I was reflective as I remembered Hatsuharu's final words to me. They had reasons, but I was sure they were good ones. "Mama, they are my family," I told her forcefully. "I am a Sohma... I want to be one of them in truth, as well as in name."
Mama reached out, her arms creeping around me, and then she was embracing me more tightly than I ever remembered. "Oh, Momo," she whispered, and tears beaded on her cheeks.
That was how I found myself outside the compound doors, alone. Papa was unable to come because of a meeting, and Mama had remained true to her promise not to go. The compound was so huge, and I felt so small. I shivered a bit, and wondered if I was crazy, to confront the family by myself. Still, I squared my shoulders and put my chin up, and with dainty steps, I entered.
People were everywhere, and I felt lost in the sea. Everyone was so beautiful and elegant, and I felt like I was a small fish in the swirl of activity that I didn't understand.
"Who's she?" I heard one of them whisper.
"It's that women's child," was the spiteful reply.
What was I doing there? I wondered as I felt the disdainful eyes of some of the older women swipe over me. I started to back away towards the door, hoping to make a graceful exit before too many people saw I was there. I wasn't wanted...
"You're not going to let them win so easily, are you?" a quiet voice asked, and I looked over to see Hatsuharu looking down on me with those silvery eyes that didn't miss anything. His clothes were entirely black, contrasting with his white hair strikingly, and his arms were folded across his chest. The women who had been whispering swept away in confusion when they saw him begin to speak to me.
"I-" I began, but was unable to lie to him. "I'm so out of place here," I said softly.
"Make a place for yourself, Momo. There are those who don't want you here, but it's important that you join the clan," he informed me, coming to my side. His face was expressionless, but there was an intensity to him that I found compelling.
"Why? Why are you being so kind to me? What are the secrets you hinted to me about that you seem to think I can help with?" Haru's eyes fell away from my face. "I promised not to tell." I gritted my teeth when he remained resolutely silent. "Who can tell me?" I demanded, realizing that it was futile to threaten him. He was a good foot taller than I was, thirty kilos heavier, and much more highly regarded than I could ever hope to be. I looked around at the members of the clan, trying to decide which ones would deign to talk to me.
"The person who has the most right to tell you won't for fear of hurting you," he answered long after I had given up hope of him telling me anything. "Your mother doesn't even remember, and your father- he's too weak," Haru said scornfully.
"Papa's not weak!" I argued. Then what he said registered. "Would that person who has the right be the one who sent you four to my school for my conferences?" I asked.
Haru sighed a bit, but a look of satisfaction sparkled in his eyes. I had figured out what he wanted me to know, apparently. "I won't go into this, Momo-chan, but he is. If anyone is deserving of the clan's hate, it's your father, Sohma Mitsuru. But that doesn't matter right now. Tonight is about celebration, and if there's one thing this family does well, it's throw a party. Would you like to see Tohru and Yuki to offer your congratulations?"
I perked up, relieved to get off the dark subject. Hearing my father described so negatively made me uncomfortable. "I'd like to, but I doubt I'll be able to get near them."
"I'll get you in," Haru promised. He offered his hand to me, and I shyly took it. His hand was surprisingly soft, and I blushed as he guided me through the crowd to the largest house on the compound where the center of the party was.
I heard the family whisper as we wove through the masses, but Haru was highly ranked. He was able to cut through them like they weren't there, and since I was beside him, I was treated with the same deference. Before I knew it, I stood before Yuki and Tohru.
They were each dressed formally, though not in kimonos as I had been expecting. Yuki was wearing a Chinese-style outfit made of purple and black with elaborate embroidery, while Tohru was wearing a beautiful white and yellow creation that flowed around her like a young girl's dream. Tohru was beaming at whoever approached them with genuine happiness, but Yuki seemed more reserved. It was only when his eyes fell on his fiancée that he gentled. I hoped that someday, someone would look at me like that.
"Yuki, Tohru..." Haru said quietly.
Yuki's eyes narrowed a bit as they focused on my face, then he smiled at me. "Hello, Momo-chan. It's nice to see you."
Tohru was less hesitant. She left Yuki's side, and flung her arms around me joyfully. "I'm so happy you came!" she said, and her sincerity was unquestionable.
"I wanted to wish you both the best," I said shyly, as my arms wrapped around her in return. She was so warm, and she smelled like strawberries and spring rain. Hugging her was like embracing a warm summer's day.
"That's so kind of you," she replied. Tohru pulled back a moment later, going to take Yuki's hand. Their fingers laced together with familiarity, and the loving look they exchanged spoke volumes.
Haru pushed me forward, and I stood before my clan head and his intended.
"Did your parents come?" Yuki asked.
"Papa had to work, and Mama..." I trailed off, trying to think of a social lie, but finding myself unable to come up with one that his clear violet eyes wouldn't pierce right through.
Tohru gave me a smile, rescuing me graciously. "How about you go and enjoy the party? Yuki and I have a lot of people we need to talk to, but I'd like to talk to you some more!" she said.
I felt my smile bloom at her wish to have me there. "I'd like that," I said.
Yuki gave me a considering look, surveying me from head to feet, then bent forward and kissed me on the cheek. "Have fun, cousin."
I blushed a brilliant shade of red, and a hushed silence surrounded us as Haru led me away to a table that had been set up. There were many houses on the compound with various activities going on, but for Haru to sit with me here, after Yuki had treated me so warmly was a clear sign that I was to be acknowledged.
My shunning was over.
We were on the side, but had a wonderful view of what was going on. The platter in front of us was full of food, but I was too giddy to eat. My stomach was unsettled, and I wondered if I would ever calm down. I had been acknowledged after so long in front of the family by Yuki, the clan head. I was wanted, at last. It was a wonderful feeling.
I grinned at Haru. "I was so nervous!" I confessed after expelling a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding onto. "I was afraid he was going to ignore me."
"Yuki wouldn't do that. He's very different than Akito." His eyes darted over to where Tohru and Yuki were welcoming Sohma Hatori, the family's physician. I had never seen him, although he took care of Sohma clan members exclusively. Whenever I was sick, Papa called an expensive, but outside, expert. A small grin played on Haru's lips as he returned his attention to me. "Yuki is nice, once you get to know him."
I stared at Haru as I realized that he had been in on what had happened. "You knew he was going to acknowledge me..." I accused him.
"We had discussed it," Haru told me, leaning over and taking a grape off the platter. "The sins of the past aren't your fault."
"I think..." I whispered, staring at my hands, "I think those sins you hinted to me were a shadow over my life."
"Oh?" Haru asked, leaning forward a bit in interest.
"When I was little, I was terribly shy," I told Haru. "I always clung to Mama's skirts, and I couldn't really talk that well."
"I remember," Haru said, and his expression was neutral. "What changed?"
"One day, when I was in fourth grade, I got a card from a secret admirer. It told me all the things they liked about me, and how they wished I would smile more often, because I had such a beautiful smile." My voice grew wistful. "I never did find out who sent it, but it really helps to know that someone admires you like that. After that, it became easier to talk. And I began to make friends, and things continued to cycle until I was suddenly the most popular girl in school."
"All because of a card?"
"We change people's lives without knowing, Haru- sometimes a simple word or gesture can have an enormous impact on someone, and change the course of their lives."
He thought on my words for a moment. "I think I know some people like that. They change us just by existing. They're special."
I nodded. "Some people are catalysts who always do it, but we all have that power." I fiddle with one of my long curls, before realizing I was doing it. It was a nervous habit of mine. "I think I was so unsure because my family hated me so much. Whenever I came to a gathering, I was ignored." I felt moisture gather in my eyes, but I refused to shed tears. I did not want pity. "I wanted so much to be a part of the family, but I could never become close to it."
"The Sohma family is not all it's cracked up to be. Do you remember Akito?"
I nodded. "I saw him once or twice, but he never spoke to me."
"You're lucky. He was very cruel," Haru said, lost in memory, and his fingers toyed with the edge of his sleeve thoughtlessly. "Very cold and manipulative, and hard to love."
"Why isn't Yuki clan head in truth?" I asked daringly. "Papa says that he's merely the interim, but I don't get it."
My distant cousin entertained one of those thoughtful pauses he seemed so fond of. "You may bear the name Sohma, but you're not really one of us," he told me after a moment. "Only a real Sohma will understand. The Clan Head will be born to the position, as Yuki is to his, and I am to mine."
"A real Sohma?" I echoed, feeling as though my heart was being stomped on. Haru was being kind to me, I knew, taking time to explain to me. Yuki had accepted me, I had believed, but now Haru was telling me I wasn't one of them. I was confused and injured.
"Your father is one, much to his despair. Your mother will never be one. She had the chance, and it broke her." His gray eyes gained more silver, and I fell into the depths, feeling like I was drowning in ageless wisdom and secrets I couldn't understand.
"Haru... They don't hate me and Mama because we're gaijin, do they?" I asked softly.
He shook his head. "There's been others who married into the family, Momo. Your mother did something that cannot be forgiven," he replied, and his voice was just as low as mine.
We watched the other members of the family move towards Yuki, and I watched as he spoke to them. Tohru was by his side, and there was a reverence for her from some of the members I found touching.
"Everything can be forgiven," I told him, believing it with all my heart.
He studied me, and I noticed how his eyes, too, went over to where Tohru stood. She was talking to one of my cousins, Kisa, waving her hands with delight, as Kisa gazed at her with adoration. Haru's eyes softened. "You sound like Tohru, a bit. But forgiveness can not be given until it is asked for, and your mother does not know to ask for it."
"What did she do?" I asked. I desperately wanted to be one of those in the crowd, to join in the engagement party, rather than sitting on the sidelines. I still felt the chill in the air, and I knew that Haru had been right about me not being one of them, despite Yuki's acknowledgement. I was not to be treated cruelly anymore, but that did not mean I was to be let in on those secrets that danced around me.
He considered my question carefully, and I knew he was trying to figure out how to word the answer so as not to give too much away. "She was selfish. She seized her own happiness at the expense of another."
"I don't think Mama is very happy with the way the Sohma family treats her," I replied.
"She's luckier than she deserves," Haru said, and his eyes flashed, and I realized that the gentleness I had seen in him was fading away. His face was becoming wild, and I was afraid of him suddenly. Haru was transforming before my eyes into something frightening.
"Haru," I said, pulling back a bit. I didn't know what else to do, and I had the feeling that no one else would rescue me should he lose complete control of the temper I could see rising in his quicksilver eyes.
"If I had my way, she'd be dead." He smiled wickedly, and leaned in close to me. "She should be grateful that being ignored is all she gets. The Sohma family isn't -"
"Haru!" a voice snapped. We both turned in unison to see Kyou standing there, with Kagura next to him. Kyou had a vein pulsing at his temple, and Kagura wore a look of long-suffering exasperation.
Kagura came over to me and patted me on the shoulder. "You'd better step back," she warned. "This could get ugly."
And it did, but not in the way she was anticipating. It got uglier than any of us could have foreseen.
"What? I'm merely telling the princess some home truths," he snapped, and he rose to his feet, glaring at Kyou. I curled up a bit inside, but Kagura held onto my shoulder, preventing me from retreating. I had to watch; for once, I was a pivotal part of the family, but not the way I wanted to be.
"Don't take anything Haru says too seriously right now," Kagura whispered to me. "He has a bit of a split personality... We call him 'Black Haru' when he loses his temper. He hardly remembers it, and it's not the real him. I wonder what triggered it, though. Kyou wasn't around, and I don't see anyone else who tends to inflame him..." She gave me a curious glance.
"We were talking about my mother," I confessed. I wondered if Kagura hated her, too. I had only met Kagura a handful of times, but she had always seemed nice enough.
"Ah." That one syllable was layered with emotion, and Kagura seemed to shut a piece of herself off.
Meanwhile, Kyou and Haru were escalating. Haru was leaning menacingly close to Kyou, and ranting incoherently. Kyou wasn't much better, yelling about childhood incidents, and how Haru was nowhere near Yuki's level, so not even to bother trying to fighting. Finally, Haru pushed what must have been the last trigger. "Well, it doesn't matter that you're a professional martial artist! Yuki still ties you into knots without trying!"
Combustion.
Kyou exploded into action, and Haru laughed wildly, parrying the blow easily. I gasped, raising a hand to cover my mouth, but Kagura just sighed. "Don't worry. If it gets bad enough, Yuki will separate them." I glanced over at the slender man who served as our clan head, and wondered if he could really manage the two wild combatants. The concern in my eyes must have been vivid, because Kagura laughed. "Don't worry! Yun-chan can tie them both up with one hand behind his back!" she said, and she giggled a bit.
I over at Yuki again, and this time he met my eyes briefly. A glimmer of something in those misty lavender depths sent shivers through me, and I didn't doubt Kagura was right. "Why are they fighting?" I asked.
"It's a long story, but I like to blame it on pride. Or hierarchy. Haru's ranked higher in the family than Kyou, but Kyou's the better fighter. It's a bit of a balancing act so they can be friends." She watched them fight, and growled when Haru tried to bite Kyou. "FOUL!" she yelled.
I blinked a bit. They were insane. I couldn't believe I was related to them. I watched as Kyou's foot raced for Haru's face, feeling like I was watching a martial art's drama. Then it clicked, and I started to laugh. "You're such hams," I told them. "You're trying to distract me..."
Haru smiled slightly as he ducked a punch from Kyou. "I'm not, but Kyou certainly is. I think you're old enough to confront some pain. The others...." He glared fiercely at Kyou, who moved over to stand in front of me, as though to protect me from Haru.
"She doesn't deserve it," Kyou retorted. "She doesn't need to bear any suffering. Let her, at least, be innocent. She's a child."
"So was he!" Haru snapped. Dead silence met Haru's explosive statement, and Kagura's hand fell away from me.
I felt myself pale and I started to shake as Haru's hints about something terrible in my mother's past gelled. "He?" I whispered. "My mother... did something to a child?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
END CHAPTER TWO
Notes: This is an informal family celebration - just something I figured the Sohma clan would do. It's not based off any element of the Japanese culture, but the Sohma defy a lot of Japanese culture. I decided not to have Yuki and Tohru wear kimonos, since there will be other celebrations that do follow proper Japanese procedure. Oh, and the dress Tohru wears is an Ayame creation. ^_^
We see the Sohma compound in episode 8 of the anime. I'm playing it that the party is ALL over the compound, but that Yuki and Tohru are in the main house. Only the highly ranked members (the Jyunishi and those they invite) would be allowed to linger here, while everyone comes in, offers their best wishes, and get out!
Penumbra has four definitions (I checked because it's such a cool word - originally this chapter was going to be called "Hatsuharu" but it took a direction I hadn't anticipated so it needed to be renamed!). The ones I feel apply are:
A partial shadow, as in an eclipse, between regions of complete shadow and complete illumination.
An area in which something exists to a lesser or uncertain degree.
An outlying surrounding region; a periphery.
Thanks to Lyra for the edit.
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