Disclaimer: Why to bother? Nobody reads disclaimers anyway… Or may be they do?
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11. UNFORGETTABLES

…

So, what exactly did happen?

"Better ask me what didn't happen."

"So, what exactly didn't happen?"

"Oh," Sirius noticeably livened up. "I thought you'll never ask! To put it shortly, James and Lily never sleep together after their wedding, that's what didn't happen."

Remus giggled.

"Right. Sure. As if anything could put a stop to James' matrimoni-"

"Snape."

"Oh…" the laughter died on his lips.

"Just before the wedding Snape hit James with one of the Unforgettables."

"Oh, no," Remus gasped. "Which one?!"

"The worst of them all."

"Surely, you don't mean…"

"Yes, I do. The Charivari Curse."

Remus visibly paled.

"That's too cruel. Even for Snape."

"Well. Truth be told," here Sirius contorted his face in a peculiar manner, as if trying to press his lips together. (In vain, of course. Dead people tell no lies).

"Truth be told, he did have some reason to be that cruel. Remember that wild bachelor party, the night just before James' wedding?"

"No, I don't."

"Well, you shouldn't. You weren't invited."

"Tell me no more. You threw James' last bachelor party in Knockturn Alley!"

"Yeah. And then we met Snivellus in this… let's call it a pub; and, naturally, things went a bit out of control between James and thissssssssniv…"

"Ssssstop hissssing."

"Right. So James ended up cursed in a most unforgettable way imaginable. Each time afterwards, when he tried anything remotely within the scope of the Charivari curse, this 'anything' was followed by banging saucepans, shaking rattles, cheering crowds, furniture giggling and squirming, his own underwear giving all kind of smart advice…"  

"Merlin's shit", slowly exhaled Remus J. Lupin, too chagrined with the vision to say anything else.

"Precisely. Of course, such petty nuisances wouldn't have stopped me, but for James, with his delicate nature…"

"Hmm."

"Ok, it wouldn't have stopped him either, but Lily was of a different opinion on the subject... and she could be very convincing, you know."

"Oh, I know", Remus shuddered.

"So, seeing as her honeymoon was completely ruined, Lily demanded an adequate substitution from Snape. Of course, he refused at first, just out of spite, but Lily… eh… she could be very convincing, you know…"

"Oh, I know." Remus shuddered.

"…and that's when I happened to overhear their conversation and the following… and everything that followed."

Remus nodded in grave understanding.

"And, obviously, you couldn't stand it any longer and interfered on James' behalf…"

"Of course I couldn't stand it! I'm a dog too! When somebody starts howling just above my head, I must join the chorus!"

"Oh, I see it now…"

"Hey, that was Harry's line!"

"Oops. Sorry."

"So, I started howling in unison and thus was forever exposed as a mice spy. But you already know the rest."

"And what about James?"

"What about him?"

"He couldn't have taken well that Snape…"

"Oh, he never knew. Lily gave him all the right sort of memories… He was so convinced of their blissful happiness… Lily could be very convincing, you know."

"Oh, I know." Remus shuddered. "Poor James."

"Well," Sirius shrugged. "He got a pair of very nice prongs instead. Now go before I start revealing another Horrible Breathtaking Truth."

"What?! You got more?!"

"Not yet. But if you stay here a little bit longer…"

"Ok. Ok. I'm already gone… Eh…Wait!"

"What now?"

"We may yet need your invaluable advice and brilliant insight in the nearest future."

The spirit assumed a dignified air.

"Well. It seems I'm stuck with you for a while, you feeble, useless, helpless…"

"…do you think it's possible to connect the other world to the Hogwarts' floo network?"

"Of course not! It's against nature's laws."

"Well. Looks like we do have to seek Dumbledore's help after all…"

"The Ministry of Magic bids farewell to you and all your wishes," said a sleepy but rather gleeful female voice.

"So much for a nice quiet mourning…" Remus J. Lupin sighed one last time, steeping outside the telephone box and producing his wand.

"Revelo Greenwich!"

He stared at the conjured glowing clock-face. Only five in the bloody morning. Remus J. Lupin grinned with predatory satisfaction. A perfect time to damp a fresh load of burdens on a Dumbledore or, preferably, two.