Homestar Fantasy: Final Fantasy 6 starring the cast from www.homestarrunner.com
Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
Chapter 5: South Concession troubles (Strong Bad and the Cheat)
Previously on Chapter 4: Strong Bad and the Cheat agreed to investigate back at South Concession after the word from a dying soldier was given out. While the others were going to the Lete River (Homestar Runner, Bubs, Coach Z, Stinkoman, and The Blacksmith), Strong Bad and the Cheat went back to South Concession. Unfortunately, danger awaited the two, and now...
Strong Bad and the Cheat ran as fast as they could and hid behind somewhere so the imperial soldier on their tail could not find them. The imperial soldier gave up and walked away without a concern. "Oh man, The Cheat," Strong Bad said, "This town is really invaded, and we're stuck here!"
"Meeeeeh meeeeh!" (A-greed!) The Cheat replied.
"Yeah, and we've got to get to Cheatshe on the fly on top of that!" Strong Bad added.
The two walk on ahead and notice an imperial troop in Magitek Armor is blocking a path. Strong Bad approaches him. "Scram you mexican-masked freak!" The imperial soldier yells at Strong Bad. Strong Bad avoided the fire beam and both himself and the Cheat ran up the stairs. They both enter the nearby house through the door. Of course, things were pretty ridiculous. Strong Bad finds an old man reading and of course, he wanted cider. "Give me some Cider, and maybe we'll talk," The old man said.
The Cheat checks out downstairs, but a kid blocks it. "Only Merchants may pass through here," that kid said.
When Strong Bad and the Cheat met again, they had a discussion. "Crappity crap!" Strong Bad said, "A man wants Cider otherwise he won't talk to me!"
"Meeeeeeeeeehmeeh meeammeehammeeh!" (That's Nothing!) The Cheat replied, "Meeeeaneneeheeemameeenhe Madeeenennaneeedndadeemh!" (A Kid in the basement allows only Merchants through!)
"Well, lets head for the item shop and get some stuff. Can't believe we let Homestar and the others take that stuff! We'll find a way to get past the freaking guard!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat left the house and went to the item shop. Strong Bad noticed another Compy 386 in the wall to the left. "Whoa! Another Compy 386!" Strong Bad said.
Of course, this caught the attention of one merchant. "Hey! You're that person who types with his boxing gloves on aren't you?!?" The merchant yelled.
"Yeah, but don't ask that freaking question or I'll bust your head!" Strong Bad replied angrily.
Of course, this got the merchant charging towards Strong Bad. He missed and of course the Cheat got hurt in the process, being knocked back against the door. The Cheat decided to attack and struck the merchant, and was about to attack again, until Strong Bad got an idea. "Hey! merchant who says how I type with boxing gloves on!" Strong Bad yelled, "Come and get me!"
The merchant turned around and rushed towards Strong Bad. Of course, this gave the chance for Strong Bad to jump up and steal an item from the merchant. Of course... "And stole his clothes too! HAHAHAHAHAA!!" Strong Bad added.
"Wh.. Whew!!" The merchant went, now only in his underwear, "Sorry!"
The merchant collapsed. Strong Bad decided to put on the Merchant's clothes. "A little loose and baggy, but, these will do!" Strong Bad said, "Come on, the Cheat, get inside this disguise."
"Meeeeheemeaah!" (Lets go!), The Cheat replied.
Strong Bad heads back to the house that he and the Cheat went into before, and went downstairs to the basement. The kid down there noticed that he was a merchant. "A merchant eh? Well, go ahead." that kid said, getting out of Strong Bad and the Cheat's way.
The two then leave out that back door, and were glad to be on the other side where that imperial trooper in Magitek armor was guarding. Of course, they attempt to go to the cafe, but an imperial soldier is blocking the way. He thought that Strong Bad was a merchant, and yelled, "I don't wanna buy anything!"
Strong Bad then wondered how to get by there. He then looked up and saw a different imperial soldier, wearing mostly green. He got the funny idea. "The Cheat, we're going to that guy!" Strong Bad said.
Strong Bad walked up the stairs to the border where the Imperial soldier is moving around on. He noticed them and shouted out, "Scram you blockhead!", and immediately attacked. Strong Bad took some hurt but managed to attack the Imperial soldier, knocking him out. Strong Bad grinned as he took the clothes of the Imperial soldier and then changed into it. "Oh man!" Strong Bad commented, "This fits all right, but man this helmet is hard on my head!"
The Cheat was puzzled at that fact. 'Strong Bad in an Imperial soldier's uniform?' he thought, as Strong Bad made his way back to the Imperial soldier blocking the way. The imperial soldier blocking the way before took notice. "Oh, I guess I need a break!" The imperial soldier said, as he left his position and went to the cafe. Strong Bad and the Cheat followed.
They arrived at the cafe, and to their surprise, Thomas was sweating at the amount of imperial soldiers that are there. Strong Bad and the Cheat went to Thomas. "Uh, anything goin' on, Thomas?" Strong Bad asked.
"I'm already nervous around you soldiers already and... Oh hey Strong Bad," Thomas replied.
"Hey, that was uncalled for, man!"
"Sorry about that. You just looked like an imperial soldier until I noticed that you were with the Cheat. I really can't say because we could be watched by them."
"Okay, then I guess we should get going then. Come on, the Cheat, lets get going! No cider here."
"Well, not precisely. There's a merchant downstairs with the Cider. Maybe you could get it from him or something, but he's pretty rough and doesn't like others going after it."
"Okay, thanks Thomas."
And so, the two go downstairs. There's a door to the right. Strong Bad opens the door and finds a merchant there. He noticed Strong Bad and said, "Hey you! You here to steal my cider? You stupid-freaking thief which I should ask how you type with boxing gloves on!"
"Meeeehamememememeee" (That didn't make sense), the Cheat replied.
Strong Bad did the same procedure he did to steal the previous merchant's clothes before, and jumped over the merchant. Then, with a tug, all the merchant's clothes came off, leaving the merchant only in his underwear. "Eeek!" the merchant yelled, "I'm naked!"
The merchant fainted, and Strong Bad put on the merchant's clothes. "Well, these are even better than the other merchant clothes I've worn before," Strong Bad commented, "Okay, the Cheat, lets take the Cider and head on back to the old man. Maybe he'll talk then."
The Cheat hides in the merchant clothing which Strong Bad has on, and of course Strong Bad took the Cider off the table. Strong Bad and the Cheat go back upstairs and leave the cafe. Of course, some imperial soldiers were curious. One said: "Uh, didn't an imperial soldier just go down there?"
Another replied, "Yeah. There's something funny going on around here. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with this Strong Bad character and that spotted walking anvil-thingy."
"Nah! It couldn't be!" Another imperial soldier said.
Outside the cafe, Strong Bad and the Cheat made their way back to the house, and entered through the door. They get the clear to pass by the same kid which barred the way and continue on, walking up the stairs. They head for the room where the old man is still reading, and Strong Bad hands over the Cider. "Ah! Cider!" The old man said, and then started drinking it. "Oh, you want to know about a secret passage? What a coincidence! There's one in the basement, but unfortunately, you'll need a password, and the password is uh.... I dunno what it is!"
"Oh crap!" Strong Bad replied, "Now we need a freaking password? This is just ridiculous!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat go back downstairs and meet the kid again. "So, you know about the secret passage eh?" He said, "Tell me what the password is."
Strong Bad thought and thought, but couldn't remember. "Argh!" Strong Bad yelled, "Who would have such the courage to guard a secret from imperial soldiers?!?"
"You're almost there," the kid replied, "One of those words in the question is the password..."
"Oh, you mean courage?" Strong Bad asked.
"That's right! Well, I'll open the secret passage for you. Allow me."
The kid triggered a switch in the wall, and the wall moved, revealing a secret door. Both Strong Bad and the Cheat entered through the door and then walked through the passage and found their way into a storage area, and stairs leading elsewhere. Strong Bad and the Cheat go through the mess of stuff and go up the stairs. They exit the area and find themselves outside again. They go around the side of the house and through another entrance. They were finally inside the big house. Of course, the problem was that there's an imperial soldier blocking the other door. So, both Strong Bad and the Cheat go upstairs to the upper level. The hallway was long, and there were a couple of doors leading to other rooms. Strong Bad checks out the room closest to the end of the hall, and finds kids and an imperial soldier inside. "Argh!" The imperial soldier said, "Quit mimicing some Magitek armor will ya?"
Strong Bad walks in. "Uh, what's goin' on here?" Strong Bad asked.
"None of your business there," The imperial soldier replied, "I'm putting up with these brats and they think they are in Magitek armor!"
Strong Bad left the room. "The Cheat," Strong Bad tells the Cheat, "Lets try the next room."
Strong Bad and the Cheat enter the next room. It felt cold in the room, as if there was a breeze somewhere. "Oh man!" Strong Bad comments, "Isn't there any freaking heating vents around?"
The man inside responds, "What's a heating vent?"
"Uh, a heating vent is some sort of invention that keeps houses and rooms warm."
"Oh, I never heard of that. There's a breeze coming from some secret passage. It must be coming from that wall over there where the shelves of books are."
Of course, the Cheat found it first. "Maaeeeeheammemeeh!" (Strong Bad!) The Cheat shouted, "Maeeeheamemememenaeeheemdmeee!" (There is a secret passage!)
"Good work, the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "Lets investigate!"
The two went down the staircase, and of course it was really cold down there. Strong Bad did not take off the merchant suit. Strong Bad walked through and there were four rooms. Strong Bad heard some noise and checked what was behind the first door. Unfortunately, he just found a bathroom, and someone was in the shower! It was a girl inside! She screamed, alerting some imperial guards. Strong Bad and the Cheat went on a beam. Of course, the girl told the imperial soldiers that Strong Bad went up to the ceiling, but of course, they couldn't find Strong Bad up there! They just shrugged and went back to the room they came from. Strong Bad and the Cheat jumped back down. "This place is really crazy," Strong Bad said, "Lets see what's in the second door.
Strong Bad went to the second door, but this time he looked through the keyhole. Strong Bad recognized who it was. "I think I've seen her before," Strong Bad said, "Holy crap, it's Marzipan!"
Behind the door, an imperial soldier is senselessly pounding at Marzipan. "This what happens to traitors!" The imperial soldier told to Marzipan.
The other soldier then said, "Man, how the mighty Marzipan has fallen!"
Marzipan stepped in. "How can you even serve those cowards anyways?" She said.
"Hold your tongue!" The imperial soldier which pounded at her replied.
"Isn't it true that the Children/Arrowed guy is going to poison the people of Pomo, to the east?"
"shuddup!" The imperial soldier shouted back as he gave a final punch to Marzipan.
"I hate to be in your shoes tomorrow!" The imperial soldier said afterwards, "And you sir, throw her into that cell and make sure you keep a close eye on her. She should stay here until notified that it's time for her death."
"Yes sir!" The other imperial soldier replied, "I can go days without sleeping!"
As the imperial soldier left, Strong Bad and the Cheat were up on one of the beams overlooking, and they could see him going up the stairs. Strong Bad and the Cheat jumped down after the coast was clear. They entered the room, and found the imperial soldier on a stool, snoozing. Ahead, Strong Bad noticed that Marzipan was locked up in the cell by a dead bolt which Marzipan could not reach. "Cheat..." Strong Bad whispered, "Keep it down so the imperial soldier doesn't wake up."
"meeeehmmeeeeh" (Okay), The Cheat replied.
Strong Bad went up to the cell door and Strong Bad removed the dead bolt. He then opened the door. Strong Bad whispered, "Hey, Marzipan!"
Strong Bad even shook her lightly. Marzipan slowly opened her eyes and looked up. "Uh, what do you hope to get down here?" Marzipan asked.
"Oops," Strong Bad replied, "I meant to take these off these clothes."
Strong Bad got out of the merchant's clothes and back to his own. "It's me, Strong Bad."
"Strong Bad?" Marzipan said, "What are you doing here?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm finding a way for me and the Cheat to get out of here. There's so many freaking guards here. I am now with this gang or something called the Returners."
"Returners!!! I used to be a General... General Marzipan that is... Now all I am is just a common traitor awaiting execution."
"Come on, lets go Marzipan!"
"Uh, you're taking me along aren't you?"
"Meeeehamememememeaeeaaemmeeee" (Yes, Strong Bad wants to take you along), The Cheat replied.
"Thanks, but no thanks," Marzipan tells them, "I can barely walk, and I'm grateful that you and Strong Bad managed to free me, but even if you got me out of here, you both couldn't protect me."
"Oh, crap!" Strong Bad replied, "Come on! I'll protect you! You'll be fine! Trust me! Lets get going!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat were about to go when Marzipan stopped them. "Wait," Marzipan told them, "That soldier has something important on him..."
Strong Bad walked in front of the soldier, and of course it was still snoring. "There's a clock key in his pocket," Strong Bad said as he took it out of there. All of a sudden, the imperial soldier woke up.
"...'n some bread too... ...mumble mumble..." The imperial soldier added, only to fall asleep again.
The three then leave the room, and then go to the last door. This door contained many chests filled with gold and stuff, and two clocks in there. One clock was still ticking, while another wasn't. "Oh man," Strong Bad said, "That clock is total crap!"
Strong Bad kicked the clock and of course, the clock ended up toppeling over the Cheat. "Meeeehehemaemeamememmemae!!!!!" (What was that for?!?!?) The Cheat shouted.
"Oops, Sorry the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, as he lifted the clock back up.
"That clock isn't moving," Marzipan said, "But the other is. How about winding that clock. It could be a clue! That's what the clock key is for!"
Strong Bad winds the clock and of course, an entrance opens up. This door lead into a series of tunnels, and unfortunately, there were Vector pups down there, which Strong Bad punched at, making them see stars. Marzipan used Ice magic on some more Vector pups, which caught Strong Bad's attention. "Whoa! You can use magic too?" Strong Bad said, "And I thought Homestar was the only one to use it!"
"Homestar can use magic?" Marzipan asked.
"Yeah! Like if it weren't for him, we wouldn't be alive, though I should have had it! Why do you and Homestar have magic and I don't?"
"You were not infused with it Strong Bad."
"Oh."
The three continue through the hallways. It really felt like a maze, because Strong Bad did not know the layout of the place, and himself, Marzipan and the Cheat ended up in a damp basement with goodies. Strong Bad found an Ether and an X-Potion down there. The Cheat looked further in and found a ribbon inside another chest. After taking everything in the area, the three go back up the stairs to the painful maze room, putting up with more Vector pups, but also having to deal with commanders as well. The Cheat plugs away at his cheats to thwart them, while Strong Bad and Marzipan finish off what's left of them. There doesn't seem to be any way out. "Crappity crap!" Strong Bad shouted, "Where's the freakin way out of here?"
"Meeeaehemmemeameeemamemememeaae" (What about the Automap you have?) The Cheat asked.
"It's not as simple as that, the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "I accidently lost it back at the Returners hideout."
The Cheat's head just steamed a bit, but continued on with Strong Bad and Marzipan. They finally go up a staircase and find a doorway. Marzipan asks a question to Strong Bad. "Why are you helping me anyways?" Marzipan asked.
"For one thing I can't stand someone dying!" Strong Bad replied, "And you want to see that loser Homestar Runner don't you?"
"Homestar Runner's with the Returners?!?"
"Yeah, and man he's so annoying!"
"Don't say stuff about Homestar like that!"
"Fine."
The three finally leave through there and finally are outside again, and a way out. The three flee from South Concession and make their way to Concession cave. "Where are we going Strong Bad?" Marzipan asked.
"We're heading for Cheatshe!" Strong Bad replied, "I bet Homestar, Bubs, Coach Z, Stinkoman, and the Blacksmith are there right now."
They finally arrive at Concession cave. Strong Bad got a little nervous. He was expecting the hornets to strike back, as their hives were still there. Marzipan didn't understand why Strong Bad was nervous around inside the cave. Marzipan was about to tell Strong Bad about his problem, but there was some loud noises and violent shaking. "What the crap?" Marzipan said.
Strong Bad panicked. The violent shake sent every single hive down, releasing all the hornets from them. Of course, those hornets ignored Strong Bad, Marzipan, and the Cheat, and went in the direction the three were walking along. The three continue on through the tunnels, following the hornets that swarmed out, but the hornets went into the opening that was unreachable, the opening that is across the spring. "Oh well," Strong Bad said, "Guess those hornets aren't interested in us anymore.
They continue towards the exit, until there was a severe rumble. Marzipan turned around. Strong Bad said, "Huh?"
"Something is coming out of that wall!" Marzipan added.
Part of the wall of the cave turned to rubble ahead. Rocks broke off and eventually the part of the wall crumbled down. Marzipan's eyes opened in horror as she saw what could be the most terrifying piece of machinery. "TunnelArmor!" Marzipan shouted.
"What the? That oversized tank thing is TunnelArmor?!?" Strong Bad replied.
"I wasn't counting on that. I'll draw it's magic attack from us. It will not hurt us."
"Pardon, Marzipan?"
"*sigh* I'm talking about using this runic blade to absorb it's magical attacks."
"Oh, like that. You think you're gonna be okay though?"
"Just you watch!!"
The TunnelArmor launched a series of spells at the group. Of course, Marzipan leaped in front of Strong Bad and the Cheat and let the magic go inside the blade. Every single spell the TunnelArmor used got absorbed by Marzipan's runic blade. "Spells not working on targets, ram into target 'Marzipan'!" The TunnelArmor said.
The TunnelArmor rammed into Marzipan, sending her flying. Strong Bad saw this and got behind Marzipan, and the both of them went flying into a wall. Marzipan was still okay, though hurt a little. Strong Bad on the other hand... "Oooooooh," Strong Bad groaned in pain, "I think I sprained myself...."
The Cheat got mad and unleashed the Meatseeker cheat on the TunnelArmor, relentlessly firing at it, but of course, the TunnelArmor wasn't getting weak very fast, and was still relatively and nearly undamaged as the Cheat ran out of ammunition. "MAEJEMAEMEMAEEMMM!" (Holy Crap!) The Cheat said.
The Cheat got hit by one of the TunnelArmor's offensive spells, sending the Cheat flying back to where Strong Bad and Marzipan are at. "Oh man ow," Strong Bad said, still in pain, "What kind of robot is that anyways?"
"I thought you could protect me," Marzipan said, "But you got yourself hurt and in bad shape. I don't think you're capable of saving me from the Empire."
"Meeananeneeamame! Meaamameeeeeheaenneneeameeaneamememe! Maenenneeeeeaammemeeeeammeee!" (Marzipan! You're so negative of yourself! That TunnelArmor is so disassembled!) The Cheat told Marzipan.
The Cheat went towards the TunnelArmor. Strong Bad thought the Cheat was doomed. "Meahaheamememmememeaaheme!" (Time to use Automatic Wind attack Cheat!" The Cheat shouted.
Just then, the scenery changed to outside and a delicate sparkle enveloped the three. They were fully recovered. Strong Bad got up. "Way to go the Cheat!" Strong Bad shouted with dignity, "Lets annihilate that piece of junk!"
Strong Bad dashed towards and jumped onto the TunnelArmor. Unfortunately for the TunnelArmor, it could not hit Strong Bad, and it's internal systems were getting smashed into by Strong Bad's punches. The Cheat continued with his Automatic Wind attack cheat, healing everyone and attacking the TunnelArmor. Marzipan continued to absorb all the magic spells that the TunnelArmor used. Eventually, one final punch from Strong Bad caused the TunnelArmor to explode, sending Strong Bad flying back, his front self charred, and also causing the Cheat's head to implode. When Strong Bad got up, the TunnelArmor was now in pieces. "Finally," Strong Bad said, "That freaking piece of equipment is gone. Thanks you two. I couldn't have done it without either of yous. Looks like we're clear to leave now, and head towards Cheatshe!"
After the scenery changed to normal, the three leave Concession cave and then make their way to Cheatshe. Never was there any trouble like that which they just encountered...
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Well, that's the end of Strong Bad and the Cheat's path. The Empire hasn't been slowed down much, but they have been slowed down at least. Now what happened to Stinkoman anyways? Check out next chapter to find out!
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Final Fantasy 6 is owned by Square-Enix.
Homestar Runner is owned by the Brothers Chaps.
Chapter 5: South Concession troubles (Strong Bad and the Cheat)
Previously on Chapter 4: Strong Bad and the Cheat agreed to investigate back at South Concession after the word from a dying soldier was given out. While the others were going to the Lete River (Homestar Runner, Bubs, Coach Z, Stinkoman, and The Blacksmith), Strong Bad and the Cheat went back to South Concession. Unfortunately, danger awaited the two, and now...
Strong Bad and the Cheat ran as fast as they could and hid behind somewhere so the imperial soldier on their tail could not find them. The imperial soldier gave up and walked away without a concern. "Oh man, The Cheat," Strong Bad said, "This town is really invaded, and we're stuck here!"
"Meeeeeh meeeeh!" (A-greed!) The Cheat replied.
"Yeah, and we've got to get to Cheatshe on the fly on top of that!" Strong Bad added.
The two walk on ahead and notice an imperial troop in Magitek Armor is blocking a path. Strong Bad approaches him. "Scram you mexican-masked freak!" The imperial soldier yells at Strong Bad. Strong Bad avoided the fire beam and both himself and the Cheat ran up the stairs. They both enter the nearby house through the door. Of course, things were pretty ridiculous. Strong Bad finds an old man reading and of course, he wanted cider. "Give me some Cider, and maybe we'll talk," The old man said.
The Cheat checks out downstairs, but a kid blocks it. "Only Merchants may pass through here," that kid said.
When Strong Bad and the Cheat met again, they had a discussion. "Crappity crap!" Strong Bad said, "A man wants Cider otherwise he won't talk to me!"
"Meeeeeeeeeehmeeh meeammeehammeeh!" (That's Nothing!) The Cheat replied, "Meeeeaneneeheeemameeenhe Madeeenennaneeedndadeemh!" (A Kid in the basement allows only Merchants through!)
"Well, lets head for the item shop and get some stuff. Can't believe we let Homestar and the others take that stuff! We'll find a way to get past the freaking guard!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat left the house and went to the item shop. Strong Bad noticed another Compy 386 in the wall to the left. "Whoa! Another Compy 386!" Strong Bad said.
Of course, this caught the attention of one merchant. "Hey! You're that person who types with his boxing gloves on aren't you?!?" The merchant yelled.
"Yeah, but don't ask that freaking question or I'll bust your head!" Strong Bad replied angrily.
Of course, this got the merchant charging towards Strong Bad. He missed and of course the Cheat got hurt in the process, being knocked back against the door. The Cheat decided to attack and struck the merchant, and was about to attack again, until Strong Bad got an idea. "Hey! merchant who says how I type with boxing gloves on!" Strong Bad yelled, "Come and get me!"
The merchant turned around and rushed towards Strong Bad. Of course, this gave the chance for Strong Bad to jump up and steal an item from the merchant. Of course... "And stole his clothes too! HAHAHAHAHAA!!" Strong Bad added.
"Wh.. Whew!!" The merchant went, now only in his underwear, "Sorry!"
The merchant collapsed. Strong Bad decided to put on the Merchant's clothes. "A little loose and baggy, but, these will do!" Strong Bad said, "Come on, the Cheat, get inside this disguise."
"Meeeeheemeaah!" (Lets go!), The Cheat replied.
Strong Bad heads back to the house that he and the Cheat went into before, and went downstairs to the basement. The kid down there noticed that he was a merchant. "A merchant eh? Well, go ahead." that kid said, getting out of Strong Bad and the Cheat's way.
The two then leave out that back door, and were glad to be on the other side where that imperial trooper in Magitek armor was guarding. Of course, they attempt to go to the cafe, but an imperial soldier is blocking the way. He thought that Strong Bad was a merchant, and yelled, "I don't wanna buy anything!"
Strong Bad then wondered how to get by there. He then looked up and saw a different imperial soldier, wearing mostly green. He got the funny idea. "The Cheat, we're going to that guy!" Strong Bad said.
Strong Bad walked up the stairs to the border where the Imperial soldier is moving around on. He noticed them and shouted out, "Scram you blockhead!", and immediately attacked. Strong Bad took some hurt but managed to attack the Imperial soldier, knocking him out. Strong Bad grinned as he took the clothes of the Imperial soldier and then changed into it. "Oh man!" Strong Bad commented, "This fits all right, but man this helmet is hard on my head!"
The Cheat was puzzled at that fact. 'Strong Bad in an Imperial soldier's uniform?' he thought, as Strong Bad made his way back to the Imperial soldier blocking the way. The imperial soldier blocking the way before took notice. "Oh, I guess I need a break!" The imperial soldier said, as he left his position and went to the cafe. Strong Bad and the Cheat followed.
They arrived at the cafe, and to their surprise, Thomas was sweating at the amount of imperial soldiers that are there. Strong Bad and the Cheat went to Thomas. "Uh, anything goin' on, Thomas?" Strong Bad asked.
"I'm already nervous around you soldiers already and... Oh hey Strong Bad," Thomas replied.
"Hey, that was uncalled for, man!"
"Sorry about that. You just looked like an imperial soldier until I noticed that you were with the Cheat. I really can't say because we could be watched by them."
"Okay, then I guess we should get going then. Come on, the Cheat, lets get going! No cider here."
"Well, not precisely. There's a merchant downstairs with the Cider. Maybe you could get it from him or something, but he's pretty rough and doesn't like others going after it."
"Okay, thanks Thomas."
And so, the two go downstairs. There's a door to the right. Strong Bad opens the door and finds a merchant there. He noticed Strong Bad and said, "Hey you! You here to steal my cider? You stupid-freaking thief which I should ask how you type with boxing gloves on!"
"Meeeehamememememeee" (That didn't make sense), the Cheat replied.
Strong Bad did the same procedure he did to steal the previous merchant's clothes before, and jumped over the merchant. Then, with a tug, all the merchant's clothes came off, leaving the merchant only in his underwear. "Eeek!" the merchant yelled, "I'm naked!"
The merchant fainted, and Strong Bad put on the merchant's clothes. "Well, these are even better than the other merchant clothes I've worn before," Strong Bad commented, "Okay, the Cheat, lets take the Cider and head on back to the old man. Maybe he'll talk then."
The Cheat hides in the merchant clothing which Strong Bad has on, and of course Strong Bad took the Cider off the table. Strong Bad and the Cheat go back upstairs and leave the cafe. Of course, some imperial soldiers were curious. One said: "Uh, didn't an imperial soldier just go down there?"
Another replied, "Yeah. There's something funny going on around here. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with this Strong Bad character and that spotted walking anvil-thingy."
"Nah! It couldn't be!" Another imperial soldier said.
Outside the cafe, Strong Bad and the Cheat made their way back to the house, and entered through the door. They get the clear to pass by the same kid which barred the way and continue on, walking up the stairs. They head for the room where the old man is still reading, and Strong Bad hands over the Cider. "Ah! Cider!" The old man said, and then started drinking it. "Oh, you want to know about a secret passage? What a coincidence! There's one in the basement, but unfortunately, you'll need a password, and the password is uh.... I dunno what it is!"
"Oh crap!" Strong Bad replied, "Now we need a freaking password? This is just ridiculous!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat go back downstairs and meet the kid again. "So, you know about the secret passage eh?" He said, "Tell me what the password is."
Strong Bad thought and thought, but couldn't remember. "Argh!" Strong Bad yelled, "Who would have such the courage to guard a secret from imperial soldiers?!?"
"You're almost there," the kid replied, "One of those words in the question is the password..."
"Oh, you mean courage?" Strong Bad asked.
"That's right! Well, I'll open the secret passage for you. Allow me."
The kid triggered a switch in the wall, and the wall moved, revealing a secret door. Both Strong Bad and the Cheat entered through the door and then walked through the passage and found their way into a storage area, and stairs leading elsewhere. Strong Bad and the Cheat go through the mess of stuff and go up the stairs. They exit the area and find themselves outside again. They go around the side of the house and through another entrance. They were finally inside the big house. Of course, the problem was that there's an imperial soldier blocking the other door. So, both Strong Bad and the Cheat go upstairs to the upper level. The hallway was long, and there were a couple of doors leading to other rooms. Strong Bad checks out the room closest to the end of the hall, and finds kids and an imperial soldier inside. "Argh!" The imperial soldier said, "Quit mimicing some Magitek armor will ya?"
Strong Bad walks in. "Uh, what's goin' on here?" Strong Bad asked.
"None of your business there," The imperial soldier replied, "I'm putting up with these brats and they think they are in Magitek armor!"
Strong Bad left the room. "The Cheat," Strong Bad tells the Cheat, "Lets try the next room."
Strong Bad and the Cheat enter the next room. It felt cold in the room, as if there was a breeze somewhere. "Oh man!" Strong Bad comments, "Isn't there any freaking heating vents around?"
The man inside responds, "What's a heating vent?"
"Uh, a heating vent is some sort of invention that keeps houses and rooms warm."
"Oh, I never heard of that. There's a breeze coming from some secret passage. It must be coming from that wall over there where the shelves of books are."
Of course, the Cheat found it first. "Maaeeeeheammemeeh!" (Strong Bad!) The Cheat shouted, "Maeeeheamemememenaeeheemdmeee!" (There is a secret passage!)
"Good work, the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "Lets investigate!"
The two went down the staircase, and of course it was really cold down there. Strong Bad did not take off the merchant suit. Strong Bad walked through and there were four rooms. Strong Bad heard some noise and checked what was behind the first door. Unfortunately, he just found a bathroom, and someone was in the shower! It was a girl inside! She screamed, alerting some imperial guards. Strong Bad and the Cheat went on a beam. Of course, the girl told the imperial soldiers that Strong Bad went up to the ceiling, but of course, they couldn't find Strong Bad up there! They just shrugged and went back to the room they came from. Strong Bad and the Cheat jumped back down. "This place is really crazy," Strong Bad said, "Lets see what's in the second door.
Strong Bad went to the second door, but this time he looked through the keyhole. Strong Bad recognized who it was. "I think I've seen her before," Strong Bad said, "Holy crap, it's Marzipan!"
Behind the door, an imperial soldier is senselessly pounding at Marzipan. "This what happens to traitors!" The imperial soldier told to Marzipan.
The other soldier then said, "Man, how the mighty Marzipan has fallen!"
Marzipan stepped in. "How can you even serve those cowards anyways?" She said.
"Hold your tongue!" The imperial soldier which pounded at her replied.
"Isn't it true that the Children/Arrowed guy is going to poison the people of Pomo, to the east?"
"shuddup!" The imperial soldier shouted back as he gave a final punch to Marzipan.
"I hate to be in your shoes tomorrow!" The imperial soldier said afterwards, "And you sir, throw her into that cell and make sure you keep a close eye on her. She should stay here until notified that it's time for her death."
"Yes sir!" The other imperial soldier replied, "I can go days without sleeping!"
As the imperial soldier left, Strong Bad and the Cheat were up on one of the beams overlooking, and they could see him going up the stairs. Strong Bad and the Cheat jumped down after the coast was clear. They entered the room, and found the imperial soldier on a stool, snoozing. Ahead, Strong Bad noticed that Marzipan was locked up in the cell by a dead bolt which Marzipan could not reach. "Cheat..." Strong Bad whispered, "Keep it down so the imperial soldier doesn't wake up."
"meeeehmmeeeeh" (Okay), The Cheat replied.
Strong Bad went up to the cell door and Strong Bad removed the dead bolt. He then opened the door. Strong Bad whispered, "Hey, Marzipan!"
Strong Bad even shook her lightly. Marzipan slowly opened her eyes and looked up. "Uh, what do you hope to get down here?" Marzipan asked.
"Oops," Strong Bad replied, "I meant to take these off these clothes."
Strong Bad got out of the merchant's clothes and back to his own. "It's me, Strong Bad."
"Strong Bad?" Marzipan said, "What are you doing here?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm finding a way for me and the Cheat to get out of here. There's so many freaking guards here. I am now with this gang or something called the Returners."
"Returners!!! I used to be a General... General Marzipan that is... Now all I am is just a common traitor awaiting execution."
"Come on, lets go Marzipan!"
"Uh, you're taking me along aren't you?"
"Meeeehamememememeaeeaaemmeeee" (Yes, Strong Bad wants to take you along), The Cheat replied.
"Thanks, but no thanks," Marzipan tells them, "I can barely walk, and I'm grateful that you and Strong Bad managed to free me, but even if you got me out of here, you both couldn't protect me."
"Oh, crap!" Strong Bad replied, "Come on! I'll protect you! You'll be fine! Trust me! Lets get going!"
Strong Bad and the Cheat were about to go when Marzipan stopped them. "Wait," Marzipan told them, "That soldier has something important on him..."
Strong Bad walked in front of the soldier, and of course it was still snoring. "There's a clock key in his pocket," Strong Bad said as he took it out of there. All of a sudden, the imperial soldier woke up.
"...'n some bread too... ...mumble mumble..." The imperial soldier added, only to fall asleep again.
The three then leave the room, and then go to the last door. This door contained many chests filled with gold and stuff, and two clocks in there. One clock was still ticking, while another wasn't. "Oh man," Strong Bad said, "That clock is total crap!"
Strong Bad kicked the clock and of course, the clock ended up toppeling over the Cheat. "Meeeehehemaemeamememmemae!!!!!" (What was that for?!?!?) The Cheat shouted.
"Oops, Sorry the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, as he lifted the clock back up.
"That clock isn't moving," Marzipan said, "But the other is. How about winding that clock. It could be a clue! That's what the clock key is for!"
Strong Bad winds the clock and of course, an entrance opens up. This door lead into a series of tunnels, and unfortunately, there were Vector pups down there, which Strong Bad punched at, making them see stars. Marzipan used Ice magic on some more Vector pups, which caught Strong Bad's attention. "Whoa! You can use magic too?" Strong Bad said, "And I thought Homestar was the only one to use it!"
"Homestar can use magic?" Marzipan asked.
"Yeah! Like if it weren't for him, we wouldn't be alive, though I should have had it! Why do you and Homestar have magic and I don't?"
"You were not infused with it Strong Bad."
"Oh."
The three continue through the hallways. It really felt like a maze, because Strong Bad did not know the layout of the place, and himself, Marzipan and the Cheat ended up in a damp basement with goodies. Strong Bad found an Ether and an X-Potion down there. The Cheat looked further in and found a ribbon inside another chest. After taking everything in the area, the three go back up the stairs to the painful maze room, putting up with more Vector pups, but also having to deal with commanders as well. The Cheat plugs away at his cheats to thwart them, while Strong Bad and Marzipan finish off what's left of them. There doesn't seem to be any way out. "Crappity crap!" Strong Bad shouted, "Where's the freakin way out of here?"
"Meeeaehemmemeameeemamemememeaae" (What about the Automap you have?) The Cheat asked.
"It's not as simple as that, the Cheat," Strong Bad replied, "I accidently lost it back at the Returners hideout."
The Cheat's head just steamed a bit, but continued on with Strong Bad and Marzipan. They finally go up a staircase and find a doorway. Marzipan asks a question to Strong Bad. "Why are you helping me anyways?" Marzipan asked.
"For one thing I can't stand someone dying!" Strong Bad replied, "And you want to see that loser Homestar Runner don't you?"
"Homestar Runner's with the Returners?!?"
"Yeah, and man he's so annoying!"
"Don't say stuff about Homestar like that!"
"Fine."
The three finally leave through there and finally are outside again, and a way out. The three flee from South Concession and make their way to Concession cave. "Where are we going Strong Bad?" Marzipan asked.
"We're heading for Cheatshe!" Strong Bad replied, "I bet Homestar, Bubs, Coach Z, Stinkoman, and the Blacksmith are there right now."
They finally arrive at Concession cave. Strong Bad got a little nervous. He was expecting the hornets to strike back, as their hives were still there. Marzipan didn't understand why Strong Bad was nervous around inside the cave. Marzipan was about to tell Strong Bad about his problem, but there was some loud noises and violent shaking. "What the crap?" Marzipan said.
Strong Bad panicked. The violent shake sent every single hive down, releasing all the hornets from them. Of course, those hornets ignored Strong Bad, Marzipan, and the Cheat, and went in the direction the three were walking along. The three continue on through the tunnels, following the hornets that swarmed out, but the hornets went into the opening that was unreachable, the opening that is across the spring. "Oh well," Strong Bad said, "Guess those hornets aren't interested in us anymore.
They continue towards the exit, until there was a severe rumble. Marzipan turned around. Strong Bad said, "Huh?"
"Something is coming out of that wall!" Marzipan added.
Part of the wall of the cave turned to rubble ahead. Rocks broke off and eventually the part of the wall crumbled down. Marzipan's eyes opened in horror as she saw what could be the most terrifying piece of machinery. "TunnelArmor!" Marzipan shouted.
"What the? That oversized tank thing is TunnelArmor?!?" Strong Bad replied.
"I wasn't counting on that. I'll draw it's magic attack from us. It will not hurt us."
"Pardon, Marzipan?"
"*sigh* I'm talking about using this runic blade to absorb it's magical attacks."
"Oh, like that. You think you're gonna be okay though?"
"Just you watch!!"
The TunnelArmor launched a series of spells at the group. Of course, Marzipan leaped in front of Strong Bad and the Cheat and let the magic go inside the blade. Every single spell the TunnelArmor used got absorbed by Marzipan's runic blade. "Spells not working on targets, ram into target 'Marzipan'!" The TunnelArmor said.
The TunnelArmor rammed into Marzipan, sending her flying. Strong Bad saw this and got behind Marzipan, and the both of them went flying into a wall. Marzipan was still okay, though hurt a little. Strong Bad on the other hand... "Oooooooh," Strong Bad groaned in pain, "I think I sprained myself...."
The Cheat got mad and unleashed the Meatseeker cheat on the TunnelArmor, relentlessly firing at it, but of course, the TunnelArmor wasn't getting weak very fast, and was still relatively and nearly undamaged as the Cheat ran out of ammunition. "MAEJEMAEMEMAEEMMM!" (Holy Crap!) The Cheat said.
The Cheat got hit by one of the TunnelArmor's offensive spells, sending the Cheat flying back to where Strong Bad and Marzipan are at. "Oh man ow," Strong Bad said, still in pain, "What kind of robot is that anyways?"
"I thought you could protect me," Marzipan said, "But you got yourself hurt and in bad shape. I don't think you're capable of saving me from the Empire."
"Meeananeneeamame! Meaamameeeeeheaenneneeameeaneamememe! Maenenneeeeeaammemeeeeammeee!" (Marzipan! You're so negative of yourself! That TunnelArmor is so disassembled!) The Cheat told Marzipan.
The Cheat went towards the TunnelArmor. Strong Bad thought the Cheat was doomed. "Meahaheamememmememeaaheme!" (Time to use Automatic Wind attack Cheat!" The Cheat shouted.
Just then, the scenery changed to outside and a delicate sparkle enveloped the three. They were fully recovered. Strong Bad got up. "Way to go the Cheat!" Strong Bad shouted with dignity, "Lets annihilate that piece of junk!"
Strong Bad dashed towards and jumped onto the TunnelArmor. Unfortunately for the TunnelArmor, it could not hit Strong Bad, and it's internal systems were getting smashed into by Strong Bad's punches. The Cheat continued with his Automatic Wind attack cheat, healing everyone and attacking the TunnelArmor. Marzipan continued to absorb all the magic spells that the TunnelArmor used. Eventually, one final punch from Strong Bad caused the TunnelArmor to explode, sending Strong Bad flying back, his front self charred, and also causing the Cheat's head to implode. When Strong Bad got up, the TunnelArmor was now in pieces. "Finally," Strong Bad said, "That freaking piece of equipment is gone. Thanks you two. I couldn't have done it without either of yous. Looks like we're clear to leave now, and head towards Cheatshe!"
After the scenery changed to normal, the three leave Concession cave and then make their way to Cheatshe. Never was there any trouble like that which they just encountered...
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Well, that's the end of Strong Bad and the Cheat's path. The Empire hasn't been slowed down much, but they have been slowed down at least. Now what happened to Stinkoman anyways? Check out next chapter to find out!
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