Aishuu Offers:
Secrets of the Sohma
Mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fruits Baskets is most assuredly not mine. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.
Dedication: For Ari-neesan, just because. For Tam-chan, for becoming my newest friend. And for those who dare to correct me, like dark vampire... personally, I think Momiji's eyes are amber sometimes. Which is why they're described as golden.

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Part Four: Tensions
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Momiji walked in silence at my side, seemingly lost in thought, and as we got closer to my house, I noticed that his footsteps seemed to take more and more effort. Oddly enough, he didn't require directions, automatically turning off onto the small side street where my house was located.

I followed him, missing the warmth of his hand when he released mine. "Would you like to come in?" I asked when we were a house down from my own. "I can serve you some tea to warm you up before you go back..."

He froze momentarily, a pause so slight that I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been watching his reactions so carefully. Had I made another misstep with this enigmatic Sohma? I wondered anxiously before his expression softened as he focused on my face. "Don't trouble yourself, Momo-chan... You need to get to bed. But I do need to speak to your father, so I'll come in briefly," he said hurriedly as my expression started to crumple, despite my best efforts to appear unaffected by his rejection.

I felt warmth course through me, though I wondered what he needed to speak to Papa about. Well, Papa was part of the clan, and Momiji was one of the key members, so they would have reason to talk, I rationalized. We came to the door together, and I kicked off my sandals, feeling relieved to be home. Tonight had been wonderful, but trying.

Momiji hesitated over the threshold, but I ignored that, waltzing in like I usually did. "Tadaima!" I called.

"Okaeri!" I heard my father reply, and he stuck his head out from the living room. "Did-" he started, but he halted abruptly when he saw the company I had. "Momiji..."

"Hello." Momiji said, and his voice was barely above a whisper. The young man shared a forced smile, and I could almost feel the tension between them. Again, the secrets surrounding me were nearly overwhelming, and I had no clue how to begin to unravel them. "I came to see that Momo made it home safely, and I've been meaning to speak with you."

Papa nodded. "You know you're always welcome to come to me. My wife isn't home tonight - she's with friends, so..."

Momiji seemed to be a bit relieved. "That's probably for the best. She's never been... good around me," he said after a moment's hesitation, a particular sorrow in his voice. I blinked, wondering what I was missing. It was getting more and more frustrating to feel like I was seeing only half the puzzle, and only in black and white when it was supposed to be solved by the view of a vast rainbow.

"Can I get you something to eat?" I tried to offer. "Maybe-"

Papa patted me on the head in a fashion he hadn't since I was eight. "Momo, this is going to be long and involved. You should go to bed, and if there's anything you need to know, I'll tell you in the morning," he said, and from the stern look in his eyes, I knew it was a politely worded order.

I wanted to push him to let me stay, flutter my eyelashes and wheedle the way I usual did, to twist him around my fingers, but the steel in his face warned me that now was not the time to push. I sighed a bit, pouting, but I kissed his cheek like a dutiful daughter. There were other ways.

"Goodnight, Papa," I said. I leaned over and kissed Momiji as well, surprised that his cheek was so warm and smooth, without a hint of stubble, even though it was very late. "It was nice to spend time with you. I'd like to do it again."

He gave me a slight smile, but said nothing. My stomach twisted, and I wondered if Momiji was once again going to avoid me. It would sadden me, for I found myself drawn to him, as strongly drawn to him as I was to Hatsuharu, though the pull was different. Haru offered me answers to the mysteries that had been haunting my life, while Momiji offered warmth and sunlight.

I bowed, then turned away, leaving the room. My mind was racing with my next move - it wasn't very honorable, but it was necessary if I wanted to get at the truth. Haru had told me that people were hurting because of the secrets, and I needed to shatter them, so I appeased my conscience with that balm.

I was careful to climb the stairs with my usual noise before stealthily moving over to my parent's room. When I was little, I had discovered that I could see through the heating vents that were under their bed. I had to crawl under there, and it tended to be a bit dusty, but it was the perfect way to eavesdrop on what my parents were talking about in the living room, which was located directly below. I hadn't done it in a while, and I regretted the fact that I was wearing my beautiful new kimino. Still, sacrifices had to be made, I decided, as I pulled the bedspread back so I could squirm underneath.

It took some maneuvering, and it was dustier than I remembered. I had to struggle not to sneeze, but as I peeked down through the slates, I could see Momiji's fair head shimmering in the low light of the room.

"- of it," my cousin was saying. "It's been done, and it can't be undone."

"Momiji... I haven't seen you in three months. I've been worried." My father was speaking softly, and I wished I could see his face, rather than the top of his head. His hair was still dark and rich, and I knew many of my friends thought he was too young to have a daughter as old I was, for all he was forty-five.

"I've been busy. I'm an adult now," Momiji answered. I watched his hands twist around a cup, and forced myself not to mutter about how they had gotten something to drink, in spite of my offer to do it for them.

"Still... three months? I wanted to know how things were with you. How is college? How are your classes? How-"

Momiji cut him off. "College is fine. Classes are easy, and I'm doing well. I'm always well, you know that. I'm a survivor. I'll deal with whatever life throws me."

A long silence. The tension between them was there, and I wondered how they knew each other so well, and how I hadn't known. Papa was very curious about Momiji, and my cousin seemed to be struggling to keep his distance.

Momiji was the injured child, the one Mama had hurt. It was obvious... But how had she hurt him so badly that he was keeping away from a family member who obviously loved him very dearly. I had never heard Momiji's parents spoken of... perhaps he had been fostered with Papa at some time, and Mama had thrown him out? That would make sense, for the way the family treated her, but I couldn't see Mama doing that. She adored children, and often wished I wasn't an only child.

"Why did you walk Momo home?"

"Because they made me," Momiji replied, and his voice sounded at once guilty and glad. "Yuki and Haru have decided that I can't run anymore."

My heart broke. Momiji had only spent time with me because he had been forced to, not out of a genuine desire for my company. I almost fled then, abandoning my post, but I forced myself to stay. Someone had sent Yuki and Haru to the field day first, and I was betting it was Momiji. He had to have some feeling for me.

"So." My father ran a hand through his hair, and rose to his feet, walking out of my line of sight. "Is that how it's to be? The Sohmas again dancing to the tune of a master manipulator?"

Momiji laughed, but it sounded strained. "I wouldn't say that. It's not about control; it's about helping someone you love. Akito never did anything because he loved us. He did it because he wanted to possess Yuki, and he delighted in dominating the rest of the Jyunishi."

Jyunishi? What's that? I wondered. The only thing that came to mind was the zodiac signs, but that surely wasn't right...

"Haru's doing it because he loves you," Papa was saying, and some of the anger seemed to fade from him.

"I know," Momiji said, and he seemed to soften as well. His hands fell away from the cup, and he raised his face slightly, enough for me to see a soft smile playing on his face. "It makes it easier to bear, knowing that the last thing Haru wants to do is hurt me."

"He'll hurt you if he thinks it's for your own good... he's not called Black Haru for nothing," Papa warned, and he stepped back into my view.

"Do you love him?"

Momiji blinked, then shifted upright, making me lose sight of his face. "I don't know. I don't know it I can love him the way he loves me." He sighed a bit, swirling his cup in his hand and looking at it intently, as though he could see the answers there. "Haru's had such bad luck with love - first Yuki, then Rin... Now me. I don't know why he feels compelled to always love a Jyunishi..."

There was that word again, I thought.

"...but I refuse to hurt him, too. He needs someone who can heal him, not shatter him. I'm damaged... I don't think I can be like Tohru, and heal the burdens of his heart, the way she did for Yuki. I can't be Kagura, and always be there, unchanging. It's not my nature to be strong."

"You're stronger than you think, Momiji. It's your smile that makes people rejoice, and it's your faith that someday your wish will come true-"

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Momiji yelled, and I was stunned at his ferocity. His soft voice cracked like a whip, and it would take a truly brave person to defy him. "That was when I was a child... But have you noticed? I'm an adult. That wish never came true. She never noticed... and never accepted me. She never will, and no one will ever be able to do anything about it."

My father was silent for a long time. "Is that why you haven't been around? Because you can't bear to see me?"

"When... Tohru and Yuki got engaged, it was everyone's wish. We were all happy - the end of our nightmare seemed here... And Hatori and Yuki have some theories. There hasn't been a child born to replace Akito yet. It's never happened before. The child should have been born two years ago, and there's been a dozen births since. We think the curse is starting to break."

Curse? I wondered. They were speaking of a curse as though it was something very real to them, not something intangible and theoretical.

"You're still cursed, though," Papa said, and he sounded bitter and savaged, like someone had hurt him personally.

Momiji was calmer, even though he was the one they seemed to think was cursed. His anger which had been so vibrant earlier, faded as it had done before, like the tide. "I am. Perhaps that was where we were wrong, to always try shattering the curse all at once, rather than wear it away. Perhaps..." he sighed, setting aside his cup. "Yuki and Kyou don't hate each other anymore, and Kyou is no longer rejected. Haru seems to be finding his way more easily - maybe his sense of direction was part of his curse? We're all changing, for the better..."

"But you've lost your hope..." Papa whispered. "That's not a change for the better. You were always the one person who we thought..."

"Would manage? Would always smile?" Momiji replied. "I've been thinking a lot in the last three months. Smiles are meaningless unless they're sincere. Tohru always smiles with her heart, because she believes that things will be okay. And for her... They are. But for me..."

"Momiji... I'm sorry."

"Sorry gets us nowhere," he said. "You made your choices, and you asked me to make mine, when I was four. You asked a four year old to sacrifice himself for a grown woman, the woman who should have loved him."

Papa came over to Momiji and knelt by his side. "I did what I thought was best, and if it was a mistake..." Papa's voice faltered. "I don't know. You were so strong, and when I said I'd love you for the both of us... I thought you would forgive me. I thought you would understand that it was the only way to save her."

Momiji slid out of his seat, and knelt beside my father, taking his hands. "It is forgiven. I knew why it was done; it is part of what I am, as a Jyunishi. But it cannot be forgotten. That's the problem, do you know? The hurts of the past cannot be forgotten..."

"I'm sorry... That's all I can say."

"...but they can be healed," Momiji replied after a moment. "I've given up on her, but I've decided I want something else."

"What? If it's mine to give, you know you just have to ask."

"I want Momo."

I had to cover my mouth to keep from gasping. He surely didn't mean it... THAT way, did he?

"Momiji... After all this time, why?" Papa asked.

"She's mine, as surely as that woman was. But Momo... may someday be able to accept what I am." Momiji's hands tightened on papa's, and I watched, feeling the power struggle between them. "Yuki and Haru are drawing her into the web of the family... I will protect her from the shadows there. Akito's influence lingers, still."

"But..."

"I just want to know her. She's getting entangled in our web, through her own design, and I need to know her. She'll figure it out, and it's best that she at least knows something of me, to soften the blow."

I could almost feel Papa's hesitation. "I..."

"She's a Sohma... it's possible that if the curse doesn't break, she may be afflicted someday, like it or not..."

That seemed to decide my father. "I don't want it to happen again. I don't want to see blankness in her eyes, if she is made to forget..."

"Let's not think about that." Momiji rose to his feet slowly. "I'll call you later and discuss things. I need to get back to the party - I'm sure I've been missed."

"You're always missed, Momiji."

"Except when I'm forgotten," he said softly. Then he headed out of sight, and I pushed myself from under the bed, covered with dust bunnies, and nearly as buried with questions.

Who was Sohma Momiji? Why were he and my father so close, and what had my mother done? What was the Jyunishi? What was this curse they were speaking of? What did Momiji want to know me for?

Most of all, what should I do?

END PART FOUR


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Author's Notes:

The Taidaima/Okaeri is there because I feel it just doesn't translate well... "I'm home" and "Welcome back" would be close approximations.

Thanks to the usual suspects: Bejiin for the Japanese confirmation, Lyra for her help, and Xannee for saying YOU NEED HELP ON THE BETA OF THIS FIC!

I didn't wants to go shonen ai with this, but I knew all along what Haru's motivations were. It's five years later, and the one thing about Furuba is that none of the characters are static. As for Momiji? Well, that's up for debate if he'll return Haru's feelings. Haru's unlucky in love, after all! As for nonstatic, that's why Momiji is so depressive here... but next chapter, we should see the usagi we all know...

Momo's house is built on a Western Design... I needed it so it would have the floor slates. ^_~