Changing Channels

by Carolyn M. Wallace

Cupid tries to match an actress and the owner of a New Age book store. Story is in TV script format.

CUPID

"Changing Channels"

Show #?

Written by Carolyn M. Wallace

CHARACTER ACTOR

TREVOR HALE/CUPID JEREMY PIVEN

CHAMP TERRACE JEFFREY D. SAMS

CLAIRE ALLEN PAULA MARSHALL

JOYCE ROBBINS: An Actress

NICK

MIKE

LAURENCE

JACK: A Bookstore Owner

AMANDA: A Priestess

WORSHIPPERS

FLORIST (non-speaking role)

ZEUS ACTOR (non-speaking role)

DELIVERY WOMAN (non-speaking role)

ACTOR (non-speaking role)

DELIVERY MAN (non-speaking role)

SHADOW: A Worshipper

MYSTERY WOMAN NOT SEEN

PRODUCTION NOTES: This episode takes place from mid-April to early May. For plot reasons, this time period cannot be changed.

TEASER FADE IN: EXT. ATHENAEUM THEATRE - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. THEATER - DAY A crowd is gathered around a bulletin board in the lobby. A banner at the top of the board identifies it at the Players Workshop of Second City Notice Board. CHAMP, JOYCE, and a few other actors are reading a casting list. Some find their names and leave elated, others don't and leave dejected. CHAMP just seems mystified.

CHAMP

Eros? She cast me as Eros? I read for Ares!

JOYCE

You think that's strange? She's got me as Aphrodite! But I guess I can understand it--we look like mother and son, don't you think? (She smiles wryly)

CHAMP
(off Joyce's petite frame, blonde hair and blue eyes, chuckles)

Yeah, I can see the resemblance, "Mom." Maybe I take after "Dad's" side of the family.

CHAMP and JOYCE review cast list once more

JOYCE
(reading list)

Ares... Michael Chen? Somehow I don't think so. Well, so we don't look like the typical Olympian family--at least we got good parts, right?

CHAMP
(leaning back against bulletin board wearily)

Yeah, it's a great part. I just can't tell anyone about it.

JOYCE
(off CHAMP)

Would I be butting in if I asked why? I mean, I plan on telling everybody I know--a major role in a Beatrice Maitland production? It'll be hard for me to keep from telling total strangers!

CHAMP

Well, strangers don't come more 'totaled' than my roommate. He thinks he is Eros--or Cupid, to be more precise.

JOYCE
(laughing)

Don't most men?

CHAMP
(with a small smile)

Well, maybe--but we usually don't get hospitalized for it. (off Joyce's concerned look) Oh, he's a little better now--nice guy, harmless really, but let him know you're single and he'll be trying to match you up before you can say "bow and arrow." (sighs) I just know he's gonna give me hell about playing "his" part--especially after that whole "Sunset and Vaughn" thing. (CHAMP looks at JOYCE out of the corner of his eye, wondering if she'll recognize him from "Sunset and Vaughn.")

JOYCE
(oddly excited--blows off "Sunset and Vaughn" comment entirely)

Your roommate thinks he's Cupid? Look, I know this is weird, but do you suppose there's anyway that I could meet him?

CHAMP
(disappointed, but trying not to show it)

You enjoy meeting deranged men? Or do you need a little help finding Mr. Right?

JOYCE
(cryptically)

Something like that. (off CHAMP'S raised eyebrow) I mean, come on, what better way to get an insight into my character? Maybe I can get some tips on how the "real" Aphrodite would do things.

CHAMP

Come to think of it, there is this singles group that Trevor goes to as part of his treatment. But it's not a shrink thing--it's open to everybody. You could meet Trevor...

JOYCE
(interrupting)

That's your roommate?

CHAMP

Right, Trevor Hale. You could meet him and get in a little extra research on the side. In fact, his doctor runs the singles group--Claire Allen. You could talk to her, too; she's a big relationship expert. (pauses) What to do you think, "Mom?" Interested?

JOYCE
(grins up at him slyly)

Will you be going too?

CHAMP
(returns her smile)

I think that can be arranged. After all, I've got to do some research myself.

JOYCE

Then it's a date. (rummages through her bag and pulls out a business card) Here... give me a call and let me know when the next meeting is. If I'm not home, just leave a message on the machine. (looks at watch) Oh, damn... I'm gonna be late. Nice to meet you, "Son," but I've got to run now. Call soon, okay? (waves and begins walking quickly to the door)

CHAMP
(Calls after her)

Sure thing! (He looks down at the card in his hand.)

CLOSE ON: Business card in CHAMP'S hand. Card reads "Joyce Robbins, Actress, (312) 555-2393." In the lower right corner in tiny print we read "Equity/SAG." In the upper left corner her initials "JR" have been turned into a stylized, rune-like piece of art and enclosed in a gold-foil circle. It's a very nice business card on expensive paper.

CLOSE ON: CHAMP as he puts the card in the breast pocket of his shirt with a smile.

FADE OUT: END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT. - COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

CHAMP and JOYCE stand outside the coffee shop door.

CHAMP

Now remember, we're playing marriage counselors who are married to each other, all right?

JOYCE

Okay, but aren't you being the teensiest bit paranoid about all this? I mean, your roommate is bound to find out eventually.

CHAMP
(grins)

Not if we're the actors I think we are!

INT. - COFFEE SHOP - CONTINUOUS

We follow CHAMP and JOYCE into the shop. The usual suspects are all in evidence, murmuring amongst themselves. CLAIRE is at the bar, fixing herself a cup of coffee, when she sees CHAMP enter and waves him over. CHAMP points to CLAIRE and whispers something to JOYCE; they head in CLAIRE'S direction.

CLAIRE

Champ, always good to see you. And you must be Joyce. (puts out her hand, Joyce shakes it.)

JOYCE

Dr. Allen, I presume. Thanks so much for helping us with our research.

CLAIRE

Oh no, the pleasure's mine. Just let me know if there's anything you need. (checks watch) We'll be starting in just a few minutes...

CUT TO:

TREVOR entering coffee shop. He sees CLAIRE at the bar, then sees CHAMP and does a double take. CHAMP, here? When he has CUPID at home to help him? TREVOR shakes his head and makes a beeline in his direction. WE FOLLOW him to CLAIRE, CHAMP and JOYCE.

TREVOR

Champ, Champ, Champ. How many times have I told you? If you need help in the love department, you only have to ask. Don't waste your time with Dr. No, AKA Ms. Pussy No-More.

CHAMP
(rolls his eyes at CLAIRE and JOYCE)

Joyce, this is man I told you about. (does his best Sean Connery) Hale--Trevor Hale.

CLAIRE
(reprovingly)

Trevor, Champ and his friend are here doing research for a play. They don't need your help.

TREVOR
(seemingly notices JOYCE for the first time and likes what he sees)

You can say that again! Hello, young lady. I'm Cupid--and haven't we met someplace before?

CHAMP

Oh, come on! Surely the god of love could find a better pick-up line than that!

TREVOR

Of course I could--if it HAD been a pick-up line. I happen to be serious (turning to JOYCE). Really, haven't we met?

JOYCE
(looks thrilled for a minute, then her face falls slightly--there's a perfectly mundane explanation)

I played a track and field runner in one of Nike's "Just Do It" commercials last year. That's probably where you saw me.

TREVOR

Nike--good ol' Winged Victory. (chuckles evilly) Nike's slogan was "LET'S do it"--she inducted me into the Mile High Club long before you guys had airplanes.

CLAIRE
(a little P.O.ed that TREVOR is being so... TREVORISH in front of her guests)

Ah, that explains the statues.

TREVOR
(not following)

Explains...

CLAIRE

Historians have always wondered why all of Nike's statues had the heads removed, and now I know. She couldn't bear showing her face in public! (smiles slightly, knowing she's scored a point) And on that note, I think it's time to begin.

CLAIRE makes her way to the front of the room, while TREVOR, CHAMP and JOYCE find seats for themselves.

CLAIRE

Okay, everybody, let's get started. Take your seats. (Waits while crowd settles down) Before we begin, I'd like to introduce some guests with us tonight. Some of you already know Champ Terrace from our swing dance lessons, others of you may have seen him on "Sunset and Vaughn." (Excited murmurs as a few newcomers turn to check CHAMP out. He stands and waves, then sits again.) And with him we have Joyce Robbins. (Joyce stands and does the wave thing too.) Champ and Joyce will be joining us for our next few sessions; they're playing relationship counselors in an upcoming play and are here to do a little research.

NICK
(to Mike, sotto voce)

I'd like to do some research with her!

(Mike grins and shakes his head--good ol' Nick.)

CLAIRE
(continuing)

We'll be most helpful to them if we just ignore them and go on with our regular session, "business as usual." So, does anybody have anything new to report? (Looks out over the crowd--you can almost hear the crickets chirping.)

TIME CUT

INT. - TAGGERTY'S - NIGHT

CLAIRE, TREVOR, CHAMP and JOYCE are sitting at a table sipping various drinks

CLAIRE
(to CHAMP and JOYCE)

I'm sure that once the group gets used to having you around, they'll open up more.

TREVOR
(to JOYCE)

Maybe next time you should bring a crowbar...or at least some KY Jelly.

CLAIRE looks ready to smack TREVOR, but JOYCE just laughs.

JOYCE

Dr. Allen, I don't know what charge for an hour, but it's not NEARLY enough!

CLAIRE smiles triumphantly at Trevor--finally, there is someone who UNDERSTANDS.

TREVOR

Hmm, what's the going rate for actually curing somebody?

CLAIRE slumps.

TREVOR
(continues, to Joyce)

Not that I NEED to be cured, of course.

JOYCE

Of course--being Cupid is a perfectly rational world-view. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions? You know, so I can get the feel of being a shr-- (sees CLAIRE) uh-therapist?

TREVOR
(putting his elbows on the table and resting his face on his hands--the perfect little angel)

Ask me anything... I'm yours!

JOYCE

Can you read minds?

TREVOR

Now? No. (looks at CHAMP) You mean Mr. Teh-ROSS didn't explain my whole "delusion" to you? I'm as mortal as he is, more's the pity, until I can match a hundred couples in true love. But I don't need to read minds--a coupl'a thousand years of watching people knockin' boots gives you a lot of insight. Look--see that couple over there?

JOYCE
(following his pointed finger)

Yeah?

TREVOR

He's a corporate go-getter, "swim with the sharks" kinda guy. But outta the office, he's just another nerd from eighth grade who couldn't get a date to save his life. He's looking for a Ms. Perfect to hang from his arm and prove to the world that he's worthy.

(his finger moves to the woman) She's a head cheerleader, life-of-the-party-girl who's finally realized, (TREVOR says the next in perfect Valley Girl-ese,) "Gee, you really CAN'T stop the clock!" Baffled to discover she can't coast by on looks any more, she's praying for a sugar daddy to take her out of the cold, cruel work-world before she loses that last fraying shred of her dignity.

The other three at TREVOR'S table are silent--looking at that couple, his scenario seems all too likely. JOYCE is the first to recover.

JOYCE

But we'll never know for sure if you're right, since we don't know them. Try me instead.

TREVOR
(laughs seductively)

Oh, baby, under the right circumstances that offer would be SO appealing!

CLAIRE

She meant ANALYZE her, Trevor!

TREVOR
(glaring at CLAIRE)

I knew that! (Long pause as TREVOR gives JOYCE a thorough once-over) You're a terrific actress--but you do your best work off-stage. You keep secrets. You're an expert at keeping people a distance by holding them close--your friends never know that they don't know you. And deep down inside, as much as you try to cover it up with your "Happy Amazon" routine, you know you'll never be complete until you find a man to love you.

CLAIRE
(appalled)

TREVOR!

TREVOR
(defensively)

Well, she ASKED!

JOYCE
(after sipping from her drink--her hands are visibly shaking)

I did... and he's right. (Looks at CLAIRE and CHAMP, who are obviously uncomfortable, and laughs nervously) Geez, he must be GREAT at parties!

TREVOR

The best!

JOYCE

Okay, the score is Cupid one, Joyce zip. Next pitch... are you circumcised?

CLAIRE and CHAMP
(one or both doing "spit takes")

WHAT?

JOYCE
(to CLAIRE)

Well, obviously, if he's circumcised, he can't be Cupid. The gods are always portrayed as, well... featuring all original equipment?

TREVOR

Yeah--it's a fad that just never caught on in Olympus, thank Jove. (Shivers)

CLAIRE
(bemused)

So then you're not...

TREVOR
(standing up and putting his hands to his fly)

Wanna see?

CLAIRE and CHAMP

NO!

TREVOR sits down, pouting.

JOYCE

Didn't that question occur to you, Dr. Allen?

CLAIRE

Oh, please, after all this, call me Claire. No, quite honestly, it didn't, Joyce, and perhaps it should have. (to TREVOR) I'll just check with your doctor--not that I don't TRUST you, of course, just to be thorough.

CHAMP

Uh... that's not necessary.

CLAIRE and JOYCE look at CHAMP, CLAIRE with a look of long-suffering and JOYCE with amused interest)

CHAMP
(continues)

Well, when he first moved in it took me a couple of days to make him understand the "robe" concept.

CLAIRE

Fine. Well, that settles THAT question. (She finishes the rest of her drink in one swallow.) I think I'll call it a night. (puts out her hand to JOYCE) Nice to meet you, Joyce--I'm glad Trevor hasn't frightened you away.

JOYCE
(Shaking CLAIRE'S hand)

Not at all, Claire. If anything, he's made me even more interested in my new role.

CLOSE ON: CHAMP looking at JOYCE thoughtfully. Which role is she talking about-- the phony shrink role or her role as Aphrodite?

FADE OUT: END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - TREVOR'S APARTMENT - DAY

TREVOR is lying on the couch when the PHONE RINGS. He leaps over the couch and answers the phone like a radio DJ on steroids and crack.

TREVOR

Hel-LO! You've got the Love God on the line. Tell me who you are and who you want and I'll make the magic happen!

JOYCE
(pauses a beat)

Uh... hi.

TREVOR

Uh-hi to you too, Joyce. Hey. aren't you actors supposed to be eloquent or something?

JOYCE

You're confusing us with the writers. I'm just the pretty girl that says the words, remember?

TREVOR

All looks, no brains. Got it!

JOYCE
(laughs)

You're a tough guy to hold a conversation with, do you know that?

TREVOR

Which is why you want to talk with Champ, right? (says the next like a professional announcer) I'm sorry, but Mr. Teh-ROSS is not available. Please leave your name and number after the beep and I'll give him your message... if I remember. BEEP!

JOYCE
(laughing again)

Didn't anyone tell you that caffeine is bad for growing gods? Besides, I didn't want to talk with Champ, I wanted to talk with you!

TREVOR
(does a double take, stares at the receiver in surprise, then grins widely)

Well, HI! What can I do for you, Joyce?

JOYCE

I was just thinking...I met your crew the other night. Would you like to meet mine?

TREVOR

What kind of group are we talking about? Is baby oil involved?

JOYCE

Well... maybe just for you!

TREVOR

Color me there! Where and when?

JOYCE

Is tonight good? Around eight? I can pick you up.

TREVOR

Bellisimo! See you at eight. Bye!

TREVOR hangs up phone and walks over to the bookshelf beneath his bead counter. He picks up a box of file cards and begins thumbing through them.

TREVOR

Okay... who's looking for a petite blonde a shade on the "unusual" side...

CUT TO:

EXT. - THE SPIRAL SUN BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

JOYCE and TREVOR drive up in JOYCE'S nondescript car. She parks and the two get out. WE FOLLOW THEM to

INT - BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

A typical New Age bookstore. Crystals and dream-catchers are very much in evidence. A huge urn full of tumbled stones stands beside the door. Bookshelves, racks of incense, everything from silk robes and tie-dye shirts to truly beautiful Goddess sculptures and fountains surround them. A SOFT NEW AGE TUNE WITH NATURE SOUNDS plays in the background. There is a sales counter to the right of the door, and a curtained doorway behind it. Also behind the counter is a tall, thin man with glasses. He is wearing a full suit, complete with tie, making him stand out in this laid-back place like a Bill Gates clone at a Grateful Dead concert. This is JACK. JACK sees JOYCE enter with TREVOR. WE SEE his reaction - JOYCE is obviously the light of his life, but it's a light he's quick to hide when JOYCE turns to him. CLOSE ON TREVOR who's looking thoughtful - could JOYCE and this nebbish be another possible match?

JACK
(too casually)

Oh! Hi, Joyce

JOYCE
(smiles)

Hi, Jack! How's business?

JACK

Good, good! I moved that book you liked to its own display (points to a small book rack near the counter). I've sold four copies this week.

JOYCE

Great! Um... is Amanda here?

JACK
(nods and motions to the curtained doorway behind him)

You know the way.

JOYCE
(takes TREVOR by the hand)

Come on.

WE FOLLOW THEM through the curtain to a hallway. Two doors are closed but a third to their right is open. Through the door we can see some comfortable, if worn, chairs and a couch. JOYCE leads TREVOR into the room.

PAN AROUND room to find a heavyset woman ensconced in a large red easy chair. You know just by looking at her that this woman is the "real deal;" mother, avenging angel, love goddess and Amazon all rolled into one gently smiling package. This is AMANDA, who rises to greet JOYCE.

AMANDA

Joyce! Blessed be, sweetheart. (Hugs Joyce, who hugs her back warmly.)

JOYCE

Blessed be, Amanda. (Turns to indicate TREVOR) This is the man I was telling you about. Trevor, this is Amanda.

TREVOR
(shakes her hand, uncharacteristically well-behaved. There is something about this situation that's reaching him on a level he doesn't quite understand.)

I'm pleased to meet you, Amanda

AMANDA

(not letting go of TREVOR'S hand; her eyes begin to well up with tears)

Not nearly as pleased as I am...Cupid.

TIME CUT

Same room, except TREVOR, JOYCE and AMANDA are now seating with drinks in hand. JOYCE and AMANDA appear to be drinking tea, while TREVOR has a bottle of expensive beer in his hands. AMANDA is shaking her head gently in amazement.

AMANDA

It's incredible. His energy is so... PURE.

TREVOR
(laughs)

That's not a word I hear connected with me very often.

AMANDA
(almost ignoring TREVOR)

The only thing that even comes close was this Vodoun priestess I once knew. She used to be ridden by Oshun on a fairly regular basis, but even then, I could STILL sense traces of her own personality.

TREVOR

Excuse me, "ridden by"? Do they sell tickets to that, 'cause that is something I'd definitely pay to see. Come on, you want to tell me what's going on here, because I'm starting to look for the subtitles, comprendé?

JOYCE

Trevor, what do you know about channeling?

TREVOR

Uh, it's something you do with a remote? (Looks at the serious faces on JOYCE and AMANDA and realizes his joke has fallen flat.) What, are you serious? (turns to JOYCE) THIS is the secret you were keeping? You're a psychic?

JOYCE
(calmly)

No--Amanda's the psychic. I'm just a run-of-the-mill witch who worships the old gods. Gods like...Cupid.

CLOSE ON: TREVOR looking stunned. Then, like dawn breaking through after a stormy night, he smiles. WE PULL BACK as TREVOR leaps from his seat, the arm without the beer in it pumping wildly into the air.

TREVOR

YES! YES! Oh, baby! (He grabs JOYCE by the shoulders and kisses her, then does the same to AMANDA.) Oh, wow, it's been so long since I've actually taken a prayer in person, I almost don't know what to do. Wait, wait, I remember. (clears throat, tries to look solemn) Ask, Supplicant. If it is within my power to grant your desire, it shall be yours. (normally) But make it small--my power is really limited right now.

JOYCE

Throttle back, hot-shot. I said I worshipped the old gods--I didn't say anything about YOU.

TREVOR
(stung, then hurt)

What? Joyce, I thought you believed in me.

AMANDA

Cupid, please...

TREVOR
(interrupting)

See--SHE thinks I'm Cupid!

AMANDA

PLEASE! Both of you--sit down! (turns to TREVOR and tries to put the following delicately) Joyce brought you to me because she thinks you're a channeler, too. And because sometimes a human can become...overwhelmed by the personality they're channeling.

TREVOR
(pauses a beat, considering what AMANDA has said, then says sarcastically)

Oh, I get it. I'm not crazy, I'm possessed, is that it? Well, screw you--I don't need this crap. (TREVOR puts the beer down on an end table and moves to leave the room.)

JOYCE

Trevor, please!

TREVOR
(turns to her and shouts)

There IS no Trevor! (takes a deep breath and says more calmly) There...is...no...Trevor. "Trevor Hale" is a name I made up so the shrinks wouldn't lock me away. My name is Cupid.

AMANDA
(goes to him, puts a hand on his shoulder. TREVOR shakes it off.)

Forgive me, Cupid, but...how can you be sure? How do you know that Joyce isn't right? Or that your therapist isn't right? Maybe the name isn't Trevor Hale...

TREVOR

It isn't.

AMANDA
(VERY gently)

How do you know?

TREVOR
(with difficulty--he's trying to remain calm, but this is obviously VERY painful)

I know because I KNOW. I don't have amnesia--I remember EVERYTHING. The sound of the poplars rustling around my temple. The smell of my mom's hair. The way my friends laugh (looks up) not that they've done much for ME lately! (pauses a beat)

I know because I miss my home--and it HURTS! (laughs bitterly) But what's the point? If I can't even get the people who BELIEVE in me to believe me...

(AMANDA puts her arms around him and this time TREVOR lets her. After a second he hugs her back hard, not letting go.)

AMANDA

Forgive us, Lord Cupid. (JOYCE opens her mouth as if to protest, but AMANDA silences her with a glance.)

TREVOR
(his voice muffled by AMANDA'S shoulder)

Just "Cupid" is fine.

AMANDA

Cupid, we're human--we make mistakes. And unlike SOME pantheons, your crew has been known to make some mistakes of their own.

TREVOR

Go ahead, rub it in. Kick a god when he's down. That's how I got into this mess, remember?

AMANDA

Then let us make it right. Let us help you get out of it.

TREVOR looks up at AMANDA in confusion.

AMANDA

You have to unite a hundred couples in true love, yes? Well, we've got people who could sure use some love.

CUT TO: DOORWAY as JACK ENTERS

JACK

I heard the shouting, but I had to finish with a customer. Is everything OK in here?

PAN BACK TO:

AMANDA
(looking from JACK to TREVOR to JOYCE then to TREVOR again.
She smiles angelically)

You can start with Jack.

TREVOR
(beginning to get his spirits back, chuckles)

I think that's doable.

JACK
(immediately suspicious)

What's doable?

JOYCE
(shocked)

Amanda, you can't be serious. You actually want to let this man meddle in our love lives? You don't even know who he is! (exasperated and maybe a little frightened--this evening has NOT gone the way she thought it would) I brought him here so you could help him, not add to his confusion!

AMANDA
(gives JOYCE the "mother's look"--the one that says
"Shut up right now--we'll discuss this LATER!")

Jack, it's almost closing time, isn't it?

JACK

Uh, yeah. Why, you need me for something?

AMANDA
(puts her arm around TREVOR and leads him to JACK)

Jack Meyer, I'd like to introduce you to Cupid. THE Cupid. (off of JACK'S astonished look) I wouldn't kid about something like this, Jackie. At the moment he's as mortal as we are, so treat him with extra care, okay?

JACK

Uh, okay. (puts out his hand) It's a pleasure to meet you in person, sir.

TREVOR
(TREVOR takes the extended hand with an unusual expression on his face: equal combinations of joy and solemnity--this is the first time since his punishment began that someone introduced by his "true name" without making a joke out of it)

Same here, sport.

AMANDA

And right now what Cupid needs is a ride home. Would you mind taking care of that?

JACK

Wow...uh, no, not at all. (apologetically to TREVOR) But I've only got an old VW Bug--will that be okay?

TREVOR

Anything's okay, as long as it works! (turns to AMANDA, takes her by the shoulders) I owe you. When I get my powers back...

AMANDA
(looking down and fingering the wedding ring on her left hand with a shy smile)

No, that's all right. I think I owed you this one.

TREVOR
(looking down at the ring and smiling--ah, yes, one of his better matches!)

Gotcha. (He kisses her on the cheek then WE FOLLOW as TREVOR and JACK exit.)

JOYCE
(pausing a beat until she can hear the CHIMING BELL that lets her know JACK and TREVOR have left the store)

Amanda, how could you do that? That man obviously needs help and you...you...

AMANDA

Helped him. (off JOYCE'S angry look, sighs and says) Joyce, everything you know about Wicca you learned from me. What was the first thing I taught you?

JOYCE
(sullenly)

That magic is the act of changing consciousness at will.

AMANDA

And that's EXACTLY what that man has done! He's tapped into the god-consciousness, Joyce, more thoroughly than any person I've ever seen. He believes he's Cupid, and so he is! (more softly) Honey, I AM going to help him, even if it's not the way you expected me to. Think of it this way...he has a mission with a worthy goal, and he can't move on to the next phase of his life until he completes it. Whether or not he's TRULY the Roman god of love DOESN'T MATTER. Sometimes the only way out is through.

JOYCE
(Semi-convinced, but not wanting to admit it yet)

But siccing him on Jack...

AMANDA
(who has her own suspicions about JACK and JOYCE)

I like Jack. He's a wonderful man and a damn fine witch. He deserves a nice girlfriend. I'm sure Cupid will find someone worthy of him.

WE FOLLOW JOYCE, who goes to the window, parts the curtains, and looks out. CUT TO: a sky-blue 1970 VW Bug chugging up the street.

CLOSE ON:

JOYCE looking wistful and a little sad. Maybe, in her heart of hearts, she wanted TREVOR to help HER find true love.

JOYCE

Yeah...I'm sure he will.

FADE OUT: END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN: EXT. JACK'S CAR - NIGHT

TREVOR is in the passenger seat, hand wrapped thoughtfully around his chin, looking at JACK. From the nervous glances JACK keeps throwing at TREVOR, it's obvious that TREVOR has been staring at him for some time. TREVOR finally takes pity on JACK and breaks the silence.

TREVOR

So you're a witch. No, wait, you're a guy, so that makes you a warlock, right?

JACK
(almost angry, then suspicious)

No, a witch. "Warlock" means "oath breaker," so we don't use that term much. Look, if you're a god, shouldn't you know that?

TREVOR
(looking out the car window)

Omnipotent, yes. Omniscient, no--well, not unless I think about it. If we were omniscient, do you think Juno would have caught Jove all those times?

JACK

Uh...I guess not.

TREVOR

Of course, that's when I've got my powers.

JACK

Right, right.

Now it's JACK'S turn to surreptitiously check out TREVOR. TREVOR finally notices this.

TREVOR

Of course, the bright side is that I can't fry you with a lightning bolt for being rude. Ya got a question, go ahead and ask.

JACK
(very embarrassed)

N-no. It's none of my business.

TREVOR

I'm not seeing Joyce.

JACK

(letting out the breath he'd been holding with a surprised "whoosh")

How...

TREVOR
(ignoring JACK'S half-asked question and staring out the window once more)

Part of my "lesson." If I do the mattress mambo with a mortal, I'm stuck here forever--or at least until I die. (shudders)

JACK

Oh, my Go--(realizes what he's about to say and breaks off abruptly). Uh, that just seems awfully harsh for the god of Love.

TREVOR raps his fist gently against the door frame.

TREVOR
(ironically)

Zeus thought it would give me "focus."

JACK
(confused)

Zeus? But he's the king of the Greek gods. I thought you were Roman?

TREVOR

Greek, Roman, doesn't matter. We swing both ways. (sees JACK opening his mouth and quickly adds) Don't go there. Greco-Roman, THAT'S what I mean. Get it?

JACK

Got it.

TREVOR

Good. So how long have you been in love with Joyce?

JACK
(swerving a little and braking to avoid an accident)

Uh...what?

TREVOR

At least a couple of years, right?

JACK

How...

TREVOR

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you sort of wear your heart on your sleeve. I knew it the minute we walked in the store. Hell, if Joyce weren't so caught up in avoiding her own nature, she'd have noticed it long ago.

JACK

What do you mean, "avoiding her own nature"?

TREVOR

This is my stop. You can drop me off anywhere along this street.

JACK

Huh? Oh, okay. (Pulls car over to let TREVOR out, then leans over in his direction) What did you mean about Joyce?

TREVOR
(leaning against the open car doorway)

Tell you what, reread the story of Atalanta; you might find it enlightening.

JACK
(angrily)

Atalanta had to be tricked into a relationship--I don't want to do that to Joyce.

TREVOR

She wasn't tricked, she was WOOED by a guy who had the "apples" to give it a shot. Think it over.

TREVOR shuts the car door and waves a cheery good-bye to a befuddled JACK. TREVOR walks up the street whistling. CLOSE ON: JACK as he looks stunned, then thoughtful. Then he starts the car and drives away.

MONTAGE SEQUENCE: The following scenes play as WE HEAR: "SHE'S SO HIGH" BY TAL BACHMAN.

She's blood, flesh and bone

No tucks or silicone

She's touch, smell, sight, taste, and sound

But somehow I can't believe

That anything should happen

I know where I belong

And nothing's gonna happen

LAP DISSOLVE: JACK in florist's store. As FLORIST collects pink roses for a bouquet, JACK sees some ornamental apples in brass (they look like apples made of gold). Looking thoughtful, JACK picks up three of the apples and hands them to the florist. CLOSE ON: JACK, filling out a plain white card. We don't see what he's written.

Chorus:

'Cause she's so high

High above me, she's so lovely

She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite

She's so high, high above me

First class and fancy free

She's high society

She's got the best of everything

What could a guy like me ever really offer?

She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?

LAP DISSOLVE: The interior of a theater. JOYCE is sitting back in a seat studying her script. On stage we see CHAMP in a staged argument with an older, bearded actor who is playing ZEUS.

PAN TO: Theater doorway, where a florist's DELIVERY WOMAN enters with a dozen pink and white roses. She intercepts an ACTOR and obviously asks him a question. The ACTOR points to JOYCE. The DELIVERY WOMAN gives the bouquet to a surprised JOYCE, then she reaches into a pocket and pulls out one of the brass apples with a card attached and hands it to JOYCE, then leaves.

CLOSE ON: card in JOYCE'S hand.

WE READ:

"Paris used one of these and caused the Trojan War. Melanion used three to win the woman of his dreams. I'm trying hard to take after HIM." JOYCE turns the card over to look for a signature, but there is none. She looks up, confused, just as CHAMP looks her way. He gives her a smile and a wave, which JOYCE returns. She taps the card against her chin and settles back into her chair with a happy smile.

Chorus:

'Cause she's so high

High above me, she's so lovely

She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite

She's so high, high above me

LAP DISSOLVE: JOYCE is lying on a couch, reading, in what is obviously her apartment (tasteful stuff, but obviously from the cheaper end of the furniture spectrum). On one wall we see a really beautiful medium-sized painting of three women dancing in a meadow beneath a full moon. JOYCE turns her head as if she's heard something.

WE FOLLOW as she gets up, puts her book down on the coffee table, and goes to the door. It's DELIVERY MAN with another dozen roses, all pink this time. He also hands her the second "golden apple" with card attached. JOYCE takes the bouquet, thanks him, and closes the door. She puts down the roses and...

CLOSE ON: card in JOYCE'S hand.

WE READ: Can't wait for tomorrow's opening night. No one deserves to play Aphrodite more than you. See you then!

Once again, there is no signature, but JOYCE smiles. She thinks she knows who it is...

(Instrumental bridge)

Chorus:

'Cause she's so high

High above me, she's so lovely

She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite

She's so high, high above me

LAP DISSOLVE: JOYCE, CHAMP and the ZEUS ACTOR are acting on stage. The set consists of a few strategically placed Doric columns and lots of greenery. ZEUS is in a full toga, CHAMP is in a short, white belted tunic and sandals, while JOYCE is wearing a beautiful diaphanous strapless gown in rose pink.

PAN TO: JACK, TREVOR, and CLAIRE in the audience. TREVOR and CLAIRE look stunned--TREVOR because CHAMP is playing "his part," and CLAIRE because these aren't the kind of "relationship therapists" she was told to expect.

CLOSE ON: JACK, who is simply staring at JOYCE, enraptured.

TIME CUT: The cast of the play is bowing. PAN TO: Audience giving a standing ovation. TREVOR is whistling with two fingers in his mouth and even our stoic CLAIRE is applauding furiously while she surreptitiously wipes away a tear.

She calls to speak to me

I freeze immediately

'Cause what she says sounds so unreal

'Cause somehow I can't believe

That anything should happen

I know where I belong

And nothing's gonna happen

LAP DISSOLVE

We're in the hallway behind the stage. JOYCE and CHAMP, still in costume, are hugging each other over their terrific performance. JOYCE, convinced that CHAMP is her secret admirer, takes his face in both hands and gives him a passionate kiss--just as we PULL BACK and see TREVOR and JACK walk into the hallway. JACK is holding a bouquet of scarlet roses.

CLOSE ON: JACK as his face crumples. He glares at TREVOR, throws the roses to the floor, and stalks out. The third "golden apple" rolls out of the bouquet and WE FOLLOW IT as it rolls across the floor to JOYCE'S feet. JOYCE looks from the apple to CHAMP to JACK to TREVOR, her face confused. TREVOR shrugs sadly, then turns and runs after JACK.

CLOSE ON: JOYCE as she bends down and picks up the apple. She rises, holding the apple in both hands, then looks off in the direction JACK went. She appears an instant away from breaking into tears.

FADE OUT: END OF ACT THREE

PRODUCTION NOTE FOR ACT FOUR

Good examples for the costumes mentioned in this act can be found at the Museum Replicas Limited Web site:

ACT FOUR
FADE IN: EXT. - THEATER PARKING LOT - NIGHT

JACK is stalking, almost running, to his car. TREVOR -is- running, trying to catch up with him.

TREVOR

Jack, hold on. What happened in there?

JACK
(sarcastically)

Gee, your advice was so helpful. Can't understand WHY Zeus decided you weren't doing your job.

TREVOR

I told you to WOO her--I didn't...(TREVOR groans in sudden comprehension) Aw, man, you didn't use that tired "secret admirer" routine, did you?

JACK has reached his car. He stiffens for a moment at TREVOR'S words, then bends down again to unlock his door.

JACK

It doesn't really matter now, does it?

JACK stands for a minute in front of his open car door. Then he shuts the door, turns toward TREVOR and leans against the car door.

JACK

Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't take this out on you. (laughs bitterly) In a way, you've done me a favor. At least now I can stop wasting my time dreaming about something that's never going to happen.

JACK turns his head to one side. WE SEE JACK in profile as his "brave soldier" facade cracks for a split second and he closes his eyes against the pain of a broken heart. PULL BACK as TREVOR puts a hand on JACK'S shoulder.

TREVOR
(gently)

Come on--let's get out of here.

JACK thinks for a moment, nods, and opens his door. TREVOR walks around the car and opens the door JACK has unlocked for him. WE HEAR the car start up and drive away as WE PAN BACK to the theater's backstage entrance as JOYCE runs into the parking lot, a coat thrown over her costume.

SWITCH TO JOYCE'S POV as she sees the VW Bug roar out of the parking lot. WE SEE the Bug drive out of sight.

CLOSE ON: JOYCE'S face as she looks down, dejected, and goes back into the theater.

CUT TO: INT. - TAGGERTY'S - NIGHT

JACK and TREVOR are sitting at a secluded booth; TREVOR has a mug of beer in front of him. JACK is holding a tall glass of something vaguely violet in his hand and is looking at it askance, unsure as to whether or not he should drink it.

TREVOR

It's an old Olympian recipe; you're gonna love it.

JACK
(toasting TREVOR with gallows humor)

"Nearer, my god, to thee!"

JACK, wincing a little bit in expectation of who knows what, takes a swallow of his drink. Then, as the drink goes down, his face brightens and he takes another, larger swallow.

JACK

Hey, that's good. Really good!

TREVOR
(chuckling as he reaches over and restrains JACK'S hand
as he begins to lift the glass to his lips once more)

And as deceptive as Jove telling Juno, "She's just a friend." Ease up, killer, it's a lot stronger than it looks!

JACK puts down the glass, looking at it with a great deal of respect.

TREVOR, deciding that JACK is now partially anesthetized, tries to ferret out what happened at the theater.

TREVOR

You did do the "secret admirer" thing, didn't you.

JACK nods and picks up the glass. He looks a question at TREVOR ("Is it safe to take another sip?"); TREVOR shrugs. JACK takes a small sip.

JACK

I was going to tell her tonight. I just...I WANTED it to be mysterious, you know, catch her attention. I wanted it to be...

FAST CUT TO:

INT. - THE COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

JOYCE and CLAIRE are sitting at a secluded booth, each with coffee cups in front of them.

JOYCE
(as if completing JACK'S sentence)

...MAGICAL. (chuckles ruefully) Believe it or not, I've never received a dozen roses before, let alone two in the same week. (sighs) It just never occurred to me that they were from Jack! I mean, he's been like the big brother I never had... (puts her elbows on the table and covers her eyes with her hands) Oh God, when I think of all the times I went to him after I broke up with one of my boyfriends...

CLAIRE
(softly, as she sips her coffee)

It seems that you weren't the only one keeping secrets.

JOYCE

No, I guess not.

CLAIRE

So the question is, now that you know, does that change how you feel about him?

JOYCE
(wistfully)

I...I'm not sure. (quickly changing the subject) And let's not forget the other burning issue--how can I ever face Champ again? The play still has a week to run--how can I go on playing his MOTHER after this?

CLAIRE

Do you always do that?

JOYCE

Do what?

CLAIRE

Change the subject when you're talking about your feelings.

JOYCE
(surprised)

What? Oh! (tries to smile, but CLAIRE has obviously hit a sore spot) I guess that's why you make the big bucks, huh?

CLAIRE

Do you want to talk about it?

JOYCE

There's not much to analyze, Doctor. (She circles the rim of her coffee cup with a finger) My mom lived in my dad's shadow her whole life--wouldn't take a breath without his permission, let alone hold a different opinion than he did. (vehemently) I'm never going to live my life like that!

CLAIRE

So you've become...how did Trevor put it? A happy Amazon, living in a world without men?

JOYCE

Yeah, well, that's easier said than done, isn't it? The only thing is there's this tiny biological imperative that screams "Mate! MATE!" at me a thousand times a day.

CLAIRE

Thus the string of broken relationships you told Jack about.

JOYCE

Right. (chuckles) You'll never know how many times I wished I was a lesbian!

CLAIRE

And yet Jack is your friend..."the big brother you never had."

JOYCE

Well, YEAH. But he's different. We just happen to like similar things, you know; we run in the same crowd. That kind of thing.

CLAIRE

And you could spend a hundred years with him and never be overshadowed, right?

JOYCE

Right. (suddenly CLAIRE'S point hits her between the eyes.) Ri-i-ght.

CLAIRE

So as I see it, you have three choices: become the "Amazon" you claim you want to be, continue to date men who don't fulfill your needs, or try to establish a real, give-and-take relationship with a man who shares your interests and who happens to love you deeply.

JOYCE

(pauses a beat, staring at the coffee in her cup, then looks up at CLAIRE)

You don't think it's too late?

CLAIRE
(getting to her feet)

No. If Jack is half the man you say he is, he'll understand that it was all...

FAST CUT TO:

INT. - CHAMP AND TREVOR'S APARTMENT - DAY

CHAMP is on the phone.

CHAMP

A misunderstanding? (We don't hear anything, but from the look on his face, we gather JOYCE is explaining what happened at the theater last night. He looks disappointed, but when he speaks he manages to smile.) Secret admirer, huh? (another short pause) Yeah, I understand. (very brief pause) No, please, Joyce, don't even worry about it; it's not a problem! Look, you just relax and I'll see you at the play tonight. And good luck straightening things out with Jack. (short pause) Sure, you too. Bye.

WE PULL BACK to see TREVOR watching CHAMP with a concerned expression on his face.

TREVOR

You okay there, Champ?

CHAMP

Huh? Oh, yeah. (Says the next while staring at the phone, not at TREVOR). This Jack--you trying to fix him up with Joyce?

TREVOR

'Fraid so.

CHAMP

(turning to TREVOR) Make sure he treats her right.

CHAMP walks into his room and closes the door.

TREVOR
(softly)

You got it, Champ.

TREVOR looks toward his bead counter.

CLOSE ON: Bead counter. This will establish how many matches TREVOR has made so far (which will become important at the end of this episode).

BACK TO: TREVOR, who shakes his head and sighs. Obviously, there has been no change.

CUT TO:

INT. - BACK ROOM OF THE SPIRAL SUN BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

This is the same room we saw in Act Two, but now it is crowded with people. AMANDA is standing with TREVOR sitting beside her. The rest of the room is filled with male and female WORSHIPPERS in roughly equal numbers sitting in a circle around AMANDA. JACK and JOYCE are among the WORSHIPPERS but on opposite sides of the room. JOYCE keeps trying to catch JACK'S eye, but he refuses to meet her gaze. AMANDA has a clipboard and pen in hand and is reviewing the clipboard as she speaks. However, we don't hear AMANDA, WE HEAR CLAIRE in voice-over. As CLAIRE speaks, it is obvious that a conversation is taking place between AMANDA and the WORSHIPPERS; with people raising hands occasionally, apparently volunteering for some task or another.

CLAIRE
(v.o.)

Chapter Eight: Children of a Lesser God

There has been an unusual development in Trevor's case. Much to my amazement, he's discovered a "Neo-Pagan" group here in Chicago that is quite willing to take his claims of godhood at face value. Naturally this concerns me, as such attention is sure to fan the flames of Trevor's deep-seated delusion. I even considered forbidding Trevor from associating with them but, as he was quick to point out, that would threaten his constitutional right to practice the religion of his choice, however distasteful I might find that choice to be.

I did some research into Wicca and this "Spiral Sun Circle" in particular, and I have reluctantly determined that, rather than being a cult, they are a group of relatively normal people who happen to sincerely believe in their religion. While I might judge them to be somewhat eccentric by societal norms, they are certainly no more so than, say, die-hard Cubs fans or the cult of Martha Stewart that flourishes here in Chicago's more affluent suburbs.

And so I find myself with no rational reason to terminate Trevor's relationship with them. I can only continue to work with him and hope that this association won't damage the small gains we've won over the past few months...

AMANDA continues her discussion with the WORSHIPPERS, but now WE HEAR what she is saying.

AMANDA

Okay, Thomas and Joan will be on bonfire patrol, Shadow and Kate will bring the cakes and wine, I'm bringing the feast table, and everybody will bring their own wedding tokens for the Goddess and the God. Oh, and once again we have Jack to thank for the use of his parents' country place.

WORSHIPPERS applaud with various murmurings of thanks; JACK looks embarrassed as he waves at the assembly.

AMANDA puts down the clipboard on her chair and reaches over to the end table beside it to pick up a large wooden bowl. She lifts the bowl slightly above her head and the room immediately grows quiet.

AMANDA

And now, as is the custom of our circle, we'll let the Fates decide which man and woman shall represent the Goddess and the God this Beltane.

SHADOW
(shyly--she's still awed by TREVOR'S alter ego)

Uh, Amanda? Wouldn't it be more appropriate for Cupid to take the God's part? I mean, since he's here and all.

TREVOR

I appreciate the offer, but no--this is strictly for full-time mortals. You know, "employees of the company, their affiliates and their families are not eligible to enter," yadda, yadda, yadda.

SHADOW seems to accept this; she settles back into her seat and allows AMANDA to continue.

AMANDA

This year we'll start with the women. And since I'm leading tonight, I'll draw first.

AMANDA reaches into the bowl and pulls out a white marble. She then goes around the room clock-wise, offering the bowl to each woman in the circle. When she stops in front of JOYCE, JOYCE reaches in and pulls out a red marble. She shows this to the rest of the circle, which applauds for her. WE FOCUS ON JACK, who is clapping like the rest, but his "happy face" is obviously a bit forced. AMANDA collects the marbles from the women and returns to her chair (again, going clock-wise) and hands the bowl to TREVOR.

AMANDA
(smiling)

Would you like to do the honors?

TREVOR

(rising to his feet) My pleasure.

TREVOR also goes around the room clock-wise, offering the bowl to the men. They all draw white marbles until TREVOR gets to JACK. Sure enough, JACK draws the red marble. While the WORSHIPPERS applaud, a look of dismay crosses JACK'S face. He looks up at TREVOR suspiciously, as if TREVOR somehow rigged this outcome. CLOSE ON: TREVOR as he smiles.

TREVOR
(whispering)

It'll be all right. Trust me!

CUT TO:

EXT. - A GROVE OF TREES IN THE COUNTRY - LATE AFTERNOON

WIDE ANGLE SHOT: The WORSHIPPERS, AMANDA, JACK, JOYCE and TREVOR are standing in a large circle and holding hands. Two bonfires about four feet apart are in the center of the circle (these can be in two small hibachis, if necessary; they don't have to be BIG bonfires). Just beyond the circle there is a tree festooned with ribbons and little bags in red, gold, white, and green. These are obviously the "wedding tokens" AMANDA mentioned earlier. Beneath the tree is a long table laden with foods of all kinds, cakes, cookies, homemade bread, bottles of wine and coolers full of juice.

The WORSHIPPERS are also dressed in shades of red, gold, white and green (but not all in the same costume, please). Some of the women's "robes" are as simple as a red and yellow tie-dye dress; others are as elaborately embroidered as Medieval-style gowns.

The men's dress runs the same gamut, from blue jeans and white or red shirts, to a modern day Robin Hood complete with tights.

AMANDA is wearing a red caftan with gold embroidery around the vee-neck and sleeve borders. TREVOR is in black jeans and a red T-shirt. JACK stands beside TREVOR and is dressed in white jeans, a white "pirate's" shirt and a dark green vest. He is crowned with a wreath of green leaves. JOYCE stands besides AMANDA and is dressed in a long white gown with billowing sleeves and a dark green, medieval-style bodice. She is crowned with a wreath of spring flowers. AMANDA steps out of the circle and into the space between the two bonfires. She lifts her hands as WE HEAR CLAIRE IN VOICE-OVER. Beneath CLAIRE'S VOICE WE HEAR A SLOW, DREAMY, "NEW AGE" TUNE that continues when CLAIRE is not speaking.

CLAIRE
(v.o.)

A few weeks ago, Trevor informed me that he would be helping the Spiral Sun group with their Beltane celebrations. According to my research--see footnotes 23 and 24--the Wiccan feast of Beltane derives from ancient fertility festivals and symbolically represents the wedding of the Earth Mother and Sky Father, or similar goddesses and gods, depending on the theological bent of the circle or "coven" in question.

WE SEE AMANDA say something, the WORSHIPPERS make a short, ritual response. AMANDA crosses to the other side of the circle and rejoins the WORSHIPPERS holding hands. JACK and JOYCE step forward and stand between the bonfires. The WORSHIPPERS then begin to walk around them clockwise. JACK takes JOYCE'S hands between his own and says something to JOYCE, who makes a response. The WORSHIPPERS begin to pick up speed as they circle JACK and JOYCE.

CLAIRE
(v.o., cont.)

Through the ritual marriage of the Goddess and the God, the Earth is renewed, and new life and vitality are returned to the Earth in the form of Spring.

As we PUSH IN on JACK AND JOYCE, JACK seems to take on an ancient dignity. He is ennobled, confident, but underneath that confidence is a trace of sadness. You can believe that, for this moment, he is a god on earth. We can't hear what he is saying, but we can see him mouth the words "My love and my bride."

JOYCE is staring at JACK with her heart in her eyes. We see her mouth the words "My husband and my love."

CLOSE ON: JACK as he leans in and gives JOYCE a chaste kiss on the mouth. When he steps back, there are tears on JOYCE'S face. JACK, confused, reaches up to gently touch JOYCE'S cheek. JOYCE stands on tiptoe and kisses him. If the kiss she gave CHAMP was a "9" -this- kiss is off the scale. She puts her arms around his neck and he reflexively puts his arms around her waist. When the kiss finally ends, a shy smile breaks over JACK'S face. He looks down on JOYCE, his face full of love.

CIRCLE AROUND JACK and JOYCE, then PULL BACK to see the WORSHIPPERS running full-tilt around JACK and JOYCE to finally fall, laughing, into the grass.

CLAIRE
(v.o., cont.)

I have to admit, I became intrigued by this turn of events. I wondered how Trevor's "Cupid" persona would react when exposed to a group of people who believed in the Greco-Roman pantheon as deeply as he himself apparently does.

The WORSHIPPERS, having caught their breath, stand up and form a line. They pass between the bonfires, some singly, some in couples (couples can be male/female, female/female, and male/male). After the WORSHIPPERS pass through the fires, JOYCE and JACK place their hands on the WORSHIPPERS' heads to bless them. After receiving the blessing, the WORSHIPPERS re-form the circle and hold hands, this time gently swaying in place. The last couple to go through the fires is AMANDA and a tall male WORSHIPPER that we take to be her husband.

CLOSE ON: TREVOR. There are tears in his eyes, but what provokes them only TREVOR knows. Slowly, as if in a dream, TREVOR leaves the circle and walks between the bonfires. Nothing extraordinary happens--there are no trumpets, the bonfires don't flare up, there is just a man walking in the fading light of the sun. But when JACK and JOYCE put their hands on him in blessing, TREVOR grabs them both in a fierce hug.

CLAIRE
(v.o., cont.)

I also wondered what effect, if any, participating in a "fertility ritual" would have on Trevor's vow of celibacy. I theorized that it might actually have a demoralizing effect on him.

CONTINUE CLOSE ON: TREVOR. We see the tears finally run down his face as he releases JACK and JOYCE then, without saying a word, he walks through the circle and into the woods.

MUSIC ENDS

CUT TO:

EXT. - THE WOODS - NIGHT

We can barely see TREVOR'S profile as he sits on the ground, propped against a boulder beneath a tree, staring at the light of the bonfires in the distance. His face is dry, but we get the feeling that he has been crying. WE HEAR A TWIG CRACK as someone approaches. A MYSTERY WOMAN begins to speak--we don't recognize the voice.

MYSTERY WOMAN

There you are! I was wondering where you got off to.

TREVOR
(with a bitter chuckle)

Yeah, well, if there's anything more useless than an impotent love god at Beltane, I haven't heard of it. I decided you all would be better off without me.

MYSTERY WOMAN

Impotent--you? Never in a million years.

TREVOR

Considering the lack of goddesses around here, I might as well be. Don't get me wrong, you're all great kids, but I really don't love you enough to share your mortality. I...I want to go back and this just...It reminded me too much of home, you know?

MYSTERY WOMAN
(chuckling softly)

It ought to. I'd heard you'd gotten a little lax with your duties, but honestly, I thought you'd remember that Beltane is one of the eight days of the year when the gods can come to Earth. Jove himself couldn't forbid me from being here today!

WE SEE a woman's bare arm come into frame and place itself around TREVOR'S shoulders. TREVOR turns to the voice in surprise. CLOSE ON: TREVOR'S face. Words can't describe the relief and joy shown there.

TREVOR

You!

WE PULL BACK and focus on the bonfires glimmering between the trees, far away. WE HEAR AN AMBIGUOUS SOUND. Is it the sound of a woman's long skirt "fluffing out" around her, or is it a single flap of enormous wings?

CUT TO:

INT. - TREVOR AND CHAMP'S APARTMENT - DAY

As WE HEAR CLAIRE in voice-over, TREVOR enters the apartment, wearing a light windbreaker over the red T-shirt and black jeans he wore "yesterday."

CLAIRE
(v.o.)

And yet, contrary to all my expectations, Trevor's association with the Spiral Sun group actually appears to have done him some good. While still convinced that he is Cupid, Trevor seems calmer now, happier even. The frantic urgency to complete his "mission" has eased slightly, which may signal that the delusion is losing its hold on him.

TREVOR goes up to the bead counter and looks up. CLOSE ON: the bead counter. Another bead has moved to the "true love" side. CLOSE ON: TREVOR as he smiles gently.

CLAIRE
(v.o., continued)

Perhaps the one thing I neglected in Trevor's treatment was the importance of having a family, in the sense of having a group of people who will always accept you just the way you are. Maybe, by accepting him, the Spiral Sun group is actually helping Trevor lay the groundwork for his final, and I believe inevitable, cure.

PULL BACK as TREVOR reaches into his windbreaker to remove a long white feather from his inside pocket. He brings the feather to his lips, kisses it, and places it in a pencil cup on the bookcase below the bead counter. He runs a finger down the outer curve of the feather and chuckles. Then he shrugs off the windbreaker, throws it on the couch, and heads off to his bedroom with a yawn and a stretch.

FADE TO BLACK. END OF ACT FOUR.