Aishuu Offers:
Secrets of the Sohma
Mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fruits Baskets is most assuredly not mine. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.
Dedication: For Raye, because she's the one who can complete my sentence before I can think of it. And because she knows me better than I know myself, sometimes.
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Part Six: Twilight
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The next day, my classes were buzzing over Momiji. The girls all wanted to know more about him, but I maintained a stony silence. My mind was still too filled with my new realization to want to talk about him, but Hisae and Nakuru happily filled in for me, dreamily telling all who would listen about him. He had been so charming to them that they had crushes, just as I had anticipated before I had figured out that Momiji was my brother.
I was still too shocked to do anything except think on the fact that no one had told me that I had an older brother. It was so obvious. We looked so much alike, and Papa obviously loved him very much. No one ever spoke of his parents and the way he had wanted to know me... and the bit about his reacting in pain to being a "niisan." So many little clues, all adding up to one big picture that meant pain for the most golden of the inner Sohmas...
When class let out, I abandoned my friends to race to the front gate, hoping that he would be there. Perhaps now that I had figured the truth out, Momiji would tell me the truth, if I asked him directly. Momiji seemed to be a master of the half-truths that were a staple of my life, but he hadn't outright lied to me yet.
"It's Sohma-sama!" I heard as I made my way towards the gate, and I grinned to myself. He had come, I thought as the girls chatter drifted on the wind toward me.
I rounded the corner of the school, preparing to drag him off somewhere private before a friend could get herself invited along, but to my shock, it was not Momiji's golden figure that met my eyes.
Sohma Hatsuharu leaned against the wall, casually toying with a pair of Raybans. He was wearing black clothes and tight faux leather pants together with a muscle shirt that clung to him, displaying a toned body. Together with the silver jewelry he always wore in abundance and the black combat boots, he looked like he had just come from a live house.
I skidded to a stop, wondering what to do. Haru had been the one to start me on my quest for the truth, but something about the way he was standing, a subtle tension in his bearing, made me wonder if I was going to like what he had on his mind.
"Hello," he said, bowing politely. His manners were at direct odds with his appearance, but I remembered that night when he fought with Kyou, and knew enough to be cautious. Haru was a study in contradictions.
"Hello, Haru-niisan. Are you looking for me?" I asked, though it was obvious he had to be.
He smiled, but there was a serious quality to it that made my heart freeze. "Yes, Momo-chan. I need to speak with you. Can you spare a few hours?"
"Hours?" I echoed. "I...." The feeling of foreboding grew.
"I'll explain to your father later," he said, and from his tone I knew what he needed to say was important.
An idea came to me, and I met his gray eyes. "It sounds like a good idea. I have some questions I need answered about something, Haru-niisan," I said, stressing the honorific.
He understood what I was hinting at, nodding slightly with satisfaction. "Let's go." He jerked his head, but made no move to touch me. "There's a bridge about half a mile away," he suggested as we started off. "Under it, we can have some privacy."
"Under a bridge?" I echoed.
"It's a quiet place that no one will bother us. I think you may have some of the truth, but the truth isn't always what you think it is. Have you ever looked in the water and seen your reflection?"
"Of course," I replied, confused.
"Imagine that I'm throwing stones in, shattering the image you see, but asking you to describe your reflection anyway. That's the truth you're seeing, Momo-chan. It may resemble what is real, but it's not the reality." We were rapidly approaching a bridge that I crossed over daily and had never given a second thought to, but Haru veered off the road, and made his way easily down the hill, leaving me to stare behind him. He had been serious about the under the bridge thing, I recognized with a bit of nervousness.
"Um..." The incline was steep, and I wasn't that athletic. I was seriously worried about taking a header and scrambling my brains.
"Are you coming?" he asked.
Decision time. Would I take the bull by the horns, and make the choice to take my fate in my own hands? I nodded, and stumbled slightly as I went down the grassy hill, the slope challenging my footing.
Haru arrived at the bottom long before I did, and watched me descend. I wondered if he would catch me, should I fall, or watch me roll unhindered. It was an uncharitable thought, but I was under the impression that Haru believed that people needed to grow on their own. He would protect them, love them, but he always did what he believed was best for them, even if they disagreed. He looked around the place, a bit bemused. "I met Tohru here," he said. "I'm amazed I found it again."
"Oh?" I asked.
"I have problems locating things sometimes," he said, looking over at the shaded area beneath the bridge, where the grass grew high.
"You mean you get lost," I said bluntly. "I heard about that."
"Did you?" he said idly. "It's not one of the bigger secrets. I tend to start off for somewhere and end up taking a few extra days to get there... it's not a big deal. I always get to where I'm going. Shigure says that I just take a scenic route." He seemed amused, and took me by the elbow and led me to the place he had been examining. "Luckily I've been getting better about it, though I think I'll always need to keep my cell phone bill up to date and battery charged."
"But there are bigger secrets," I said, pouncing on his words. "How is it that no one ever told me that Momiji was my brother?" I demanded. "An affair isn't that shameful a thing and even though Mama may not like it, Momiji exists!"
Haru had been expecting my question, obviously. He leaned against the gray stones of the bridge, watching my face. "You're a smart child, but it's not as simple as you think." He shut his eyes, and I could see that he was trying to think of where to start. "Your Papa never had an affair, Momo-chan. Momiji isn't your half brother."
"But-" I began. The pieces I had fit together so perfectly came apart, and I looked at him in confusion. He... if Momiji wasn't my brother... what the hell was going on?
I felt like crying with frustration.
Haru ran a hand through his white hair. "Hatori isn't just a doctor. He has a special gift. He has the ability to make people forget."
The look in Mama's eyes...
The blankness...
Papa's fear that he would see the same look in my eyes....
The pieces rearranged, and Haru's words about examining a scattered reflection help me fit them together. "He's mama's son, too... that's Momiji's secret..." I said. "He looks so much like me, and I was right about how I look like Mama... he looks like her, too." I knew I was rambling, but I figured that under the circumstances, it was excusable.
Haru placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "When he was four, Hatori took your Mama's memory of Momiji away because she couldn't stand the sight of him. He was raised by different members of the family."
"Why?" I demanded. "Why did Hatori do such a thing?" The idea of it was monstrous. Mama loved children! I would have loved having Momiji as my older brother, and Papa obviously cared for him greatly... so why had Momiji been wiped from her mind?
"Because she couldn't accept what Momiji is. She couldn't accept his true nature," Haru stated grimly. There was anger in his gray eyes, his irises darkening until they verged on black.
"What-" I started, but a voice interrupted.
"Haru!"
We spun around, and Momiji stood under the bridge, with Kyou beside him. Kyou was out of breath, and Momiji's eyes seemed to be shattered. He took a look at me, and summed up the situation all at once. "Haru, step away from her." Momiji commanded in a soft, sorrowful voice.
"Momiji. You can't run anymore. Momo-chan is stronger than your mother. She's strong enough to know the truth, and to love you. She can accept it," Haru replied softly. He stayed beside me, and the tension level rose.
I stared at my older brother, wondering what could be so horrible about him that Mama would reject him. A secret that others in the family would share, a secret that would differentiate between real Sohmas and ordinary people. "Momiji, what does it mean to be a real Sohma?" I demanded.
Momiji glanced away from me, unable to meet my eyes. "It means a curse."
The name clicked-- it was what I had heard him speak before, that night with papa. "Jyunishi..." I whispered. "What does it mean, to be Jyunishi?"
All three of my relatives stiffened before Haru laughed. "She's smart, Momiji. You might as well show her."
"NO!" Momiji exclaimed. "Please, no!" There was a desperate appeal in his voice.
Kyou stared at all of us, but remained quiet, apparently deciding this wasn't his fight.
Haru seemed to waver, but looked at Momiji instead of me. "I hugged a girl once, under this bridge, to prove how much I loved Yuki. Can I do any less for you?" Haru asked.
Kyou shut his eyes and turned away as I stared in confusion at Haru.
"NO!" Momiji yelled again, but it was too late.
Haru wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his warm body. He smelled like the outdoors and cinnamon, and some unique fragrance that I couldn't identify. Before I could figure it out, his embrace was complete, and then I knew. I knew what it meant to be Jyunishi, for there was the sound of a slight "poof" and smoke, and suddenly a ox was standing beside me where Haru had been the moment before.
*
Kyou was the one who remained calm.
I went into shock, just standing there. Momiji started to laugh, and his laughter quickly became hysterical. "Haru, you idiot!" he yelled, before spinning around on his ankle and disappearing up the hill. The ox who had taken Haru's place remained motionless next to me. It was Kyou who reacted.
He strode over to me, spinning me around and looking me in the eye. "Don't look at Haru," he ordered, not unkindly. "When he reverts, he won't be wearing anything."
I didn't say anything, but simply stared into Kyou's cinnamon-colored eyes. "Chibi, you know now. If you want, I can have Hatori help you..." he offered. Kyou's voice was gruff with reluctance from making that offer.
That shook me out of my shock. "Help?" I echoed. "You mean... erase my memory?"
"You're a Sohma, and Yuki won't order it done if you want to remember, but if you decide it's too much for you to handle, that you'll be miserable knowing the truth, then Hatori will do it." He glanced over my shoulder at Haru. "I hope you're happy with yourself, Haru!" he said. His face was rigid with suppressed anger, and I could tell he was on the verge of making himself a steak dinner.
"It needed to be done," was Haru's placid reply. Even though his words were calm, I knew he had just sacrificed something amazing for me, something I didn't understand. My mind focused on that, using that to remind myself that Haru was human; not an ox. Haru was cursed; so was my brother... and probably some of the other Sohmas.
"You're an idiot," Kyou snapped back.
"Are you... a Jyunishi as well?" I asked, my mind beginning to focus on others.
Kyou looked uncomfortable. "Kind of...."
"What... do you mean?"
"He means he's outside of the Jyunishi, though he has a curse like the rest of us," came another voice. Sohma Yuki had arrived, and I stared at him as he glared at Haru. "I see I'm too late. Is Momiji already gone?" His soft voice was full of concern, but the dignified way he carried himself helped me calm down even more than Kyou's hurried offer. Yuki was clan head; he would be able to sort this all out.
"Yes," Haru sighed. I could hear his voice, and it was only Kyou's warning that kept me from turning around to look at him as he spoke, a natural instinct. "I think he's rather upset," Haru continued.
"I wonder why," Kyou said sarcastically.
"No fighting," Yuki said. "I'll play with you later, Kyou, but right now, Momiji and Momo are our concerns," he said. He looked at me, and his violet eyes were gentle. "Are you okay?"
"I'm so confused..." I murmured. There was a poof sound behind me, the same sound that I had heard when Haru had hugged me.
"Get dressed," Yuki ordered, and I assumed Haru had changed back. "I'll deal with you later."
"I think Momiji will deal with him quite well enough," Kyou inserted. He and Yuki locked glances, and some kind of silent communication passed between them that I didn't understand.
Yuki considered that. "Agreed," he said, before turning to me. "Momo-chan, the Jyunishi is the family secret, obviously. At any time, twelve members of the family are cursed to turn into the spirits from the Zodiac, and there are also two others who share in the curse - the cat and the god. It's complex, and I don't have the time to explain it now. You need to make a decision, a large one. Can you deal with it?"
"Momiji- what's his curse?" I asked. I tried to imagine which creature my brother turned into, which one had so repulsed my mother that she had denied his existence.
"What do you think?" Yuki asked. I shut my eyes, trying to run through what I knew of the Jyunishi.
"I... I don't know."
"You'll have to ask him. It's not our secret to tell," Yuki said.
"What's yours?" I asked Yuki. He was obviously one of the Jyunishi, but which? Haru was the ox, and Kyou was probably the cat, since they mentioned he was outside the Jyunishi and I couldn't see him being the god. It was easier to focus on the curses then what I was going to do about Momiji.
Haru leaned over and playfully brushed a hand against Yuki's cheek. "Momo-chan, you'll learn it's rude to ask a Jyunishi what their curse is. They have to show you, as a sign of trust."
I felt myself blush again. "I- I... didn't mean to offend."
Yuki's smile was amused as he looked at me, but then his eyes grew cold as he pushed Haru's hand back. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but this goes far beyond the usual antics of the Black. You've been manipulating Momo-chan since you met her, and it's going to stop."
"It has," Haru whispered. "I've done what I needed to do. She's where she needs to be. I couldn't tell her the truth, but she needed to know. There are too many secrets in the Sohma family, and if we're ever to break the curse we impose on ourselves, we have to break the silence."
Kyou growled. "I don't like where you're going. You've hurt Momiji."
"Sometimes a wound has to be cauterized before it can heal." Haru came to stand by me. His eyes held incredible sadness as I looked at him.
"But did the fire burn you as well?" I asked.
All three of my cousins winced. "She's too smart," Kyou said. "You need to make things clear, Yuki."
The interim clan head nodded. "Momo, what I was trying to say is that you have a choice. You can choose to remember, or you can choose to forget." He looked at me intently.
"You mean have Hatori erase my memory?"
My question appeared to discomfit him, for Yuki turned away. "If you want. Or you can keep the memory, but walk away. We may be related by blood, but that doesn't make us a family."
"I-"
"I'll give you three days before you make the decision," Yuki said. "But this kind of decision is one that if you wait on, you'll hurt those who are waiting for you. So..." He seemed old then, and I knew he regretted ever assuming Akito's duties.
Kyou, despite his obvious antipathy towards Yuki at times, rescued him. "Yuki, let's find Momiji. He's going to need us."
I turned to Haru. "Will you stay? I need some more answers."
Haru glanced at Yuki for permission. Yuki nodded slowly. "You've made your bed, Haru. Now you have to lie on it. Momo-chan, no matter what, none of this was meant to hurt you. I hope you know that."
He turned and disappeared into the late afternoon, Kyou following on his heels. I could hear him raise his voice to Kyou, and they fell to bickering.
That left Haru and me alone. Haru seemed somehow more distant, without any of the cousins around him. "Let's go up top," he suggested. "I don't want to lurk in the shadows any longer."
I mutely started to follow him, but the hill was just as steep and I soon found myself falling behind. It took me twice as long to climb the hill, and by the time I made it to the top, he was already on the bridge, standing in the center, gazing out at the coming night.
It was a pretty bridge, used for foot traffic. Haru was oddly out of place as he was in most places where I saw him. No one expected a punk to be where Haru usually showed up, and the serenity he projected, even stranger. He had a calm aura that made one want to ask him about the secrets of the world. I just wanted the rest of the truth.
"Haru, why did you do all of this?" I demanded. "You've obviously upset Momiji and Yuki's not very happy with you."
He was still for a moment, lost in his reflections before he began to speak. "The Momiji you've gotten to know isn't the Momiji I grew up with," Haru said. He stared out over the bridge, and the wind caressed his hair. "He was joyful, seemingly untouched by the sorrow of our curse. I knew he wanted to be acknowledged by your mother desperately, and he wanted to know you as a brother, but your father kept him away, because your mother was... broken. After giving birth to a cursed child, some women break. Your mother was one of them.
"But he retained hope. He was the one who always smiled, who always laughed. And we all loved him for it." Haru's fist clenched on the railing as he leaned over it. My breath caught. I wondered how close to falling he was. "He retained his belief that everything would work out."
"What happened?" I asked. I remembered overhearing Momiji's conversation with my father, and knew something earth-shattering had happened to him. While there were still glimmers of light in my brother, shadows lurked in his eyes, and his faith in the essential goodness of humanity was missing.
Haru spoke only one word, but the monotone voice he used, conveyed volumes. "Akito."
I shivered. Darkness seemed to be the legacy of the former clan head, and I hated to admit it, but a small part of me was glad he was dead. I had never met him, but the other Sohma members I was coming to know seemed terrified of him. "What... what did Akito do?"
"Akito seemed to delight in tormenting the Jyunishi. Yuki was his particular toy, but he played with all of us, knew our fears and worked us over. We couldn't stand up to him; he was the god. That's the reason he was clan head. He was born to represent the Jade Emperor." I remembered the tales of the Jyunishi party, and wondered about it.
Haru was lost in his reflections, and his voice fell to almost a whisper. "The day before he died, he called Momiji in to see him."
My eyes widened. "That would have been three years ago?"
Haru nodded to confirm my memory. "Momiji was eighteen and had just graduated high school. He had such plans, and he laughed off our concern; most of the Jyunishi members were waiting outside for him to come back. Akito was known to be abusive, and he knew how to take people apart. But Momiji said that there was nothing Akito could do; he would heal if Akito hit him. He went in to see Akito, and when he came out... he wasn't the same. Something had taken some of the joy out of him. It was Akito's last act. He took away the most joyous of us."
"What did Akito do?" I wondered. I felt a surge of hate for anyone who could hurt Momiji; how could anyone want to steal his laughter?
"No one knows. We know Akito knew the day he was going to die; that was part of his curse. He never told us it would be that particular day, but he knew. He was born knowing. But to destroy Momiji as his last action was nothing we would have foreseen. Yuki was his favorite, or Kyou or even Hatori. But Momiji? None of us saw it coming."
"And that's why he did it," I said. "Because no one saw it coming, and because Momiji gave you all so much happiness. By taking away your source of laughter, he hurt all of you. The others were prepared to be hurt by Akito; I bet Momiji wasn't."
Haru turned to me, stepping away from the railing. The twilight bathed his face in the strange shades only seen for those brief minutes when it was neither day or night. I thought the time suited Haru perfectly, because he was neither black nor white at the moment, but a shade of gray as he stared at me intently. "You're wise for one so young. I wonder why we didn't see it."
"Because you're too close." I felt the cool air tug at me and shivered. It was getting colder out, and I wished I had brought a jacket. "Why do you love him?" I was curious to know.
He looked startled. "How..."
I blushed, and decided it was time to confess. "I overheard Papa and Momiji. Papa said that you were doing everything because you loved Momiji. And it wasn't a platonic love from the way he spoke."
"No. It's not." Haru replied reflectively. "There's more than one way to love someone, and you can love more than one person at a time. I will always cherish Yuki for being my first love, for being the one to show me that I wasn't bound by the legends surrounding the Jyunishi. But that's a child's love, pure. I don't long to pursue anything more than see him happy - knowing he's with Tohru brings me joy.
"Rin was my first adult relationship. We entered as children, seeking to find a place beyond the sorrow of our curses, and because of that, we were doomed to failure. We clung to each other because there was no one else." Haru smiled faintly as he lost himself in his memories. "But what I learned from her was that there is someone else who can care for me. That Yuki wasn't the entire world."
"How... how did Momiji fit into this?" I wondered.
"I always seemed to follow my 'black' side when it came to love. Fall fast, fall hard and passionately. But with Momiji, it was different. We're the same age, and have always been together. I was used to his presence, and I liked it. It wasn't until he was taken away from me that I realized how much I loved him."
"Are you sure it's not just concern?" I had to ask. The knowledge that Momiji was my brother had only been mine for twenty-four hours, but already I was developing protective instincts for him. I wanted him the same way he wanted me. I wanted to be his sister, and from what I knew of siblings, that meant keeping each other safe.
Haru's eyes grew more intense, and I wondered if I was invoking the dreaded Black by challenging him. "I've seen Akito torment others. Kisa, Rin, Kyou, Hatori. Even when it was Yuki, it didn't cut me so deeply. But I knew when I saw Momiji after he left that room that I loved him. I don't know when it happened, but I knew I wanted him like I wanted nothing else. I want to see him smile again, Momo, and for him to smile, he needs you. He needs to hope, and you're his hope."
That shook me to the core. It was a burden, to be someone's hope. "I-"
"You need to get home. It's late and your family will be worried."
That saddened me. Had Papa ever worried where Momiji was? "I do need to go, but when I get there, they'll know where I was..." I said. I knew that my knowledge would be written all over my face, because I was a rotten liar.
Haru smiled a bit, and there was something in it that matched his punkish appearance. "Do what you want with your father, but your mother... as much as I dislike her, talk to your father first. She doesn't remember anything."
I nodded, turning away from him. "What Papa says will help me determine what I do next. I want to promise that I will be able to help Momiji, but -" I stumbled, trying to find the words.
"Don't make promises you can't keep. There's too much hurt as it is." He nodded, waving a hand before going back to stare at the rising moon. The white light drained him of color and reflected oddly. He had dismissed me, but that was okay.
I had learned everything I needed to from Sohma Hatsuharu. The next step on the road I was traveling would be to confront my father, Sohma Mitsuru.
END PART FIVE
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Author's Notes:
And she's THERE!
Okay, a livehouse is kind of like a club - really more on the music side, though. You see a bunch of them in animes like Kaikan Phase. And Haru looks like he belongs there.
Akito as Jade Emperor, Rin and Haru's relationship, yada yada... well, it's all my own spin since I'm ignoring the manga as I write this since the Rin/Haru kiss came out JUST as I was finishing the draft of this section. The date I've completed THIS is March 8, 2003.
Credits to Xandra as beta (and I will learn not to say something is "not priority!") Lyra for her efforts on my behalf, and Merrow for sounding boarding the end.
Secrets of the Sohma
Mbsilvana@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fruits Baskets is most assuredly not mine. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki.
Dedication: For Raye, because she's the one who can complete my sentence before I can think of it. And because she knows me better than I know myself, sometimes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Part Six: Twilight
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The next day, my classes were buzzing over Momiji. The girls all wanted to know more about him, but I maintained a stony silence. My mind was still too filled with my new realization to want to talk about him, but Hisae and Nakuru happily filled in for me, dreamily telling all who would listen about him. He had been so charming to them that they had crushes, just as I had anticipated before I had figured out that Momiji was my brother.
I was still too shocked to do anything except think on the fact that no one had told me that I had an older brother. It was so obvious. We looked so much alike, and Papa obviously loved him very much. No one ever spoke of his parents and the way he had wanted to know me... and the bit about his reacting in pain to being a "niisan." So many little clues, all adding up to one big picture that meant pain for the most golden of the inner Sohmas...
When class let out, I abandoned my friends to race to the front gate, hoping that he would be there. Perhaps now that I had figured the truth out, Momiji would tell me the truth, if I asked him directly. Momiji seemed to be a master of the half-truths that were a staple of my life, but he hadn't outright lied to me yet.
"It's Sohma-sama!" I heard as I made my way towards the gate, and I grinned to myself. He had come, I thought as the girls chatter drifted on the wind toward me.
I rounded the corner of the school, preparing to drag him off somewhere private before a friend could get herself invited along, but to my shock, it was not Momiji's golden figure that met my eyes.
Sohma Hatsuharu leaned against the wall, casually toying with a pair of Raybans. He was wearing black clothes and tight faux leather pants together with a muscle shirt that clung to him, displaying a toned body. Together with the silver jewelry he always wore in abundance and the black combat boots, he looked like he had just come from a live house.
I skidded to a stop, wondering what to do. Haru had been the one to start me on my quest for the truth, but something about the way he was standing, a subtle tension in his bearing, made me wonder if I was going to like what he had on his mind.
"Hello," he said, bowing politely. His manners were at direct odds with his appearance, but I remembered that night when he fought with Kyou, and knew enough to be cautious. Haru was a study in contradictions.
"Hello, Haru-niisan. Are you looking for me?" I asked, though it was obvious he had to be.
He smiled, but there was a serious quality to it that made my heart freeze. "Yes, Momo-chan. I need to speak with you. Can you spare a few hours?"
"Hours?" I echoed. "I...." The feeling of foreboding grew.
"I'll explain to your father later," he said, and from his tone I knew what he needed to say was important.
An idea came to me, and I met his gray eyes. "It sounds like a good idea. I have some questions I need answered about something, Haru-niisan," I said, stressing the honorific.
He understood what I was hinting at, nodding slightly with satisfaction. "Let's go." He jerked his head, but made no move to touch me. "There's a bridge about half a mile away," he suggested as we started off. "Under it, we can have some privacy."
"Under a bridge?" I echoed.
"It's a quiet place that no one will bother us. I think you may have some of the truth, but the truth isn't always what you think it is. Have you ever looked in the water and seen your reflection?"
"Of course," I replied, confused.
"Imagine that I'm throwing stones in, shattering the image you see, but asking you to describe your reflection anyway. That's the truth you're seeing, Momo-chan. It may resemble what is real, but it's not the reality." We were rapidly approaching a bridge that I crossed over daily and had never given a second thought to, but Haru veered off the road, and made his way easily down the hill, leaving me to stare behind him. He had been serious about the under the bridge thing, I recognized with a bit of nervousness.
"Um..." The incline was steep, and I wasn't that athletic. I was seriously worried about taking a header and scrambling my brains.
"Are you coming?" he asked.
Decision time. Would I take the bull by the horns, and make the choice to take my fate in my own hands? I nodded, and stumbled slightly as I went down the grassy hill, the slope challenging my footing.
Haru arrived at the bottom long before I did, and watched me descend. I wondered if he would catch me, should I fall, or watch me roll unhindered. It was an uncharitable thought, but I was under the impression that Haru believed that people needed to grow on their own. He would protect them, love them, but he always did what he believed was best for them, even if they disagreed. He looked around the place, a bit bemused. "I met Tohru here," he said. "I'm amazed I found it again."
"Oh?" I asked.
"I have problems locating things sometimes," he said, looking over at the shaded area beneath the bridge, where the grass grew high.
"You mean you get lost," I said bluntly. "I heard about that."
"Did you?" he said idly. "It's not one of the bigger secrets. I tend to start off for somewhere and end up taking a few extra days to get there... it's not a big deal. I always get to where I'm going. Shigure says that I just take a scenic route." He seemed amused, and took me by the elbow and led me to the place he had been examining. "Luckily I've been getting better about it, though I think I'll always need to keep my cell phone bill up to date and battery charged."
"But there are bigger secrets," I said, pouncing on his words. "How is it that no one ever told me that Momiji was my brother?" I demanded. "An affair isn't that shameful a thing and even though Mama may not like it, Momiji exists!"
Haru had been expecting my question, obviously. He leaned against the gray stones of the bridge, watching my face. "You're a smart child, but it's not as simple as you think." He shut his eyes, and I could see that he was trying to think of where to start. "Your Papa never had an affair, Momo-chan. Momiji isn't your half brother."
"But-" I began. The pieces I had fit together so perfectly came apart, and I looked at him in confusion. He... if Momiji wasn't my brother... what the hell was going on?
I felt like crying with frustration.
Haru ran a hand through his white hair. "Hatori isn't just a doctor. He has a special gift. He has the ability to make people forget."
The look in Mama's eyes...
The blankness...
Papa's fear that he would see the same look in my eyes....
The pieces rearranged, and Haru's words about examining a scattered reflection help me fit them together. "He's mama's son, too... that's Momiji's secret..." I said. "He looks so much like me, and I was right about how I look like Mama... he looks like her, too." I knew I was rambling, but I figured that under the circumstances, it was excusable.
Haru placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "When he was four, Hatori took your Mama's memory of Momiji away because she couldn't stand the sight of him. He was raised by different members of the family."
"Why?" I demanded. "Why did Hatori do such a thing?" The idea of it was monstrous. Mama loved children! I would have loved having Momiji as my older brother, and Papa obviously cared for him greatly... so why had Momiji been wiped from her mind?
"Because she couldn't accept what Momiji is. She couldn't accept his true nature," Haru stated grimly. There was anger in his gray eyes, his irises darkening until they verged on black.
"What-" I started, but a voice interrupted.
"Haru!"
We spun around, and Momiji stood under the bridge, with Kyou beside him. Kyou was out of breath, and Momiji's eyes seemed to be shattered. He took a look at me, and summed up the situation all at once. "Haru, step away from her." Momiji commanded in a soft, sorrowful voice.
"Momiji. You can't run anymore. Momo-chan is stronger than your mother. She's strong enough to know the truth, and to love you. She can accept it," Haru replied softly. He stayed beside me, and the tension level rose.
I stared at my older brother, wondering what could be so horrible about him that Mama would reject him. A secret that others in the family would share, a secret that would differentiate between real Sohmas and ordinary people. "Momiji, what does it mean to be a real Sohma?" I demanded.
Momiji glanced away from me, unable to meet my eyes. "It means a curse."
The name clicked-- it was what I had heard him speak before, that night with papa. "Jyunishi..." I whispered. "What does it mean, to be Jyunishi?"
All three of my relatives stiffened before Haru laughed. "She's smart, Momiji. You might as well show her."
"NO!" Momiji exclaimed. "Please, no!" There was a desperate appeal in his voice.
Kyou stared at all of us, but remained quiet, apparently deciding this wasn't his fight.
Haru seemed to waver, but looked at Momiji instead of me. "I hugged a girl once, under this bridge, to prove how much I loved Yuki. Can I do any less for you?" Haru asked.
Kyou shut his eyes and turned away as I stared in confusion at Haru.
"NO!" Momiji yelled again, but it was too late.
Haru wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his warm body. He smelled like the outdoors and cinnamon, and some unique fragrance that I couldn't identify. Before I could figure it out, his embrace was complete, and then I knew. I knew what it meant to be Jyunishi, for there was the sound of a slight "poof" and smoke, and suddenly a ox was standing beside me where Haru had been the moment before.
*
Kyou was the one who remained calm.
I went into shock, just standing there. Momiji started to laugh, and his laughter quickly became hysterical. "Haru, you idiot!" he yelled, before spinning around on his ankle and disappearing up the hill. The ox who had taken Haru's place remained motionless next to me. It was Kyou who reacted.
He strode over to me, spinning me around and looking me in the eye. "Don't look at Haru," he ordered, not unkindly. "When he reverts, he won't be wearing anything."
I didn't say anything, but simply stared into Kyou's cinnamon-colored eyes. "Chibi, you know now. If you want, I can have Hatori help you..." he offered. Kyou's voice was gruff with reluctance from making that offer.
That shook me out of my shock. "Help?" I echoed. "You mean... erase my memory?"
"You're a Sohma, and Yuki won't order it done if you want to remember, but if you decide it's too much for you to handle, that you'll be miserable knowing the truth, then Hatori will do it." He glanced over my shoulder at Haru. "I hope you're happy with yourself, Haru!" he said. His face was rigid with suppressed anger, and I could tell he was on the verge of making himself a steak dinner.
"It needed to be done," was Haru's placid reply. Even though his words were calm, I knew he had just sacrificed something amazing for me, something I didn't understand. My mind focused on that, using that to remind myself that Haru was human; not an ox. Haru was cursed; so was my brother... and probably some of the other Sohmas.
"You're an idiot," Kyou snapped back.
"Are you... a Jyunishi as well?" I asked, my mind beginning to focus on others.
Kyou looked uncomfortable. "Kind of...."
"What... do you mean?"
"He means he's outside of the Jyunishi, though he has a curse like the rest of us," came another voice. Sohma Yuki had arrived, and I stared at him as he glared at Haru. "I see I'm too late. Is Momiji already gone?" His soft voice was full of concern, but the dignified way he carried himself helped me calm down even more than Kyou's hurried offer. Yuki was clan head; he would be able to sort this all out.
"Yes," Haru sighed. I could hear his voice, and it was only Kyou's warning that kept me from turning around to look at him as he spoke, a natural instinct. "I think he's rather upset," Haru continued.
"I wonder why," Kyou said sarcastically.
"No fighting," Yuki said. "I'll play with you later, Kyou, but right now, Momiji and Momo are our concerns," he said. He looked at me, and his violet eyes were gentle. "Are you okay?"
"I'm so confused..." I murmured. There was a poof sound behind me, the same sound that I had heard when Haru had hugged me.
"Get dressed," Yuki ordered, and I assumed Haru had changed back. "I'll deal with you later."
"I think Momiji will deal with him quite well enough," Kyou inserted. He and Yuki locked glances, and some kind of silent communication passed between them that I didn't understand.
Yuki considered that. "Agreed," he said, before turning to me. "Momo-chan, the Jyunishi is the family secret, obviously. At any time, twelve members of the family are cursed to turn into the spirits from the Zodiac, and there are also two others who share in the curse - the cat and the god. It's complex, and I don't have the time to explain it now. You need to make a decision, a large one. Can you deal with it?"
"Momiji- what's his curse?" I asked. I tried to imagine which creature my brother turned into, which one had so repulsed my mother that she had denied his existence.
"What do you think?" Yuki asked. I shut my eyes, trying to run through what I knew of the Jyunishi.
"I... I don't know."
"You'll have to ask him. It's not our secret to tell," Yuki said.
"What's yours?" I asked Yuki. He was obviously one of the Jyunishi, but which? Haru was the ox, and Kyou was probably the cat, since they mentioned he was outside the Jyunishi and I couldn't see him being the god. It was easier to focus on the curses then what I was going to do about Momiji.
Haru leaned over and playfully brushed a hand against Yuki's cheek. "Momo-chan, you'll learn it's rude to ask a Jyunishi what their curse is. They have to show you, as a sign of trust."
I felt myself blush again. "I- I... didn't mean to offend."
Yuki's smile was amused as he looked at me, but then his eyes grew cold as he pushed Haru's hand back. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but this goes far beyond the usual antics of the Black. You've been manipulating Momo-chan since you met her, and it's going to stop."
"It has," Haru whispered. "I've done what I needed to do. She's where she needs to be. I couldn't tell her the truth, but she needed to know. There are too many secrets in the Sohma family, and if we're ever to break the curse we impose on ourselves, we have to break the silence."
Kyou growled. "I don't like where you're going. You've hurt Momiji."
"Sometimes a wound has to be cauterized before it can heal." Haru came to stand by me. His eyes held incredible sadness as I looked at him.
"But did the fire burn you as well?" I asked.
All three of my cousins winced. "She's too smart," Kyou said. "You need to make things clear, Yuki."
The interim clan head nodded. "Momo, what I was trying to say is that you have a choice. You can choose to remember, or you can choose to forget." He looked at me intently.
"You mean have Hatori erase my memory?"
My question appeared to discomfit him, for Yuki turned away. "If you want. Or you can keep the memory, but walk away. We may be related by blood, but that doesn't make us a family."
"I-"
"I'll give you three days before you make the decision," Yuki said. "But this kind of decision is one that if you wait on, you'll hurt those who are waiting for you. So..." He seemed old then, and I knew he regretted ever assuming Akito's duties.
Kyou, despite his obvious antipathy towards Yuki at times, rescued him. "Yuki, let's find Momiji. He's going to need us."
I turned to Haru. "Will you stay? I need some more answers."
Haru glanced at Yuki for permission. Yuki nodded slowly. "You've made your bed, Haru. Now you have to lie on it. Momo-chan, no matter what, none of this was meant to hurt you. I hope you know that."
He turned and disappeared into the late afternoon, Kyou following on his heels. I could hear him raise his voice to Kyou, and they fell to bickering.
That left Haru and me alone. Haru seemed somehow more distant, without any of the cousins around him. "Let's go up top," he suggested. "I don't want to lurk in the shadows any longer."
I mutely started to follow him, but the hill was just as steep and I soon found myself falling behind. It took me twice as long to climb the hill, and by the time I made it to the top, he was already on the bridge, standing in the center, gazing out at the coming night.
It was a pretty bridge, used for foot traffic. Haru was oddly out of place as he was in most places where I saw him. No one expected a punk to be where Haru usually showed up, and the serenity he projected, even stranger. He had a calm aura that made one want to ask him about the secrets of the world. I just wanted the rest of the truth.
"Haru, why did you do all of this?" I demanded. "You've obviously upset Momiji and Yuki's not very happy with you."
He was still for a moment, lost in his reflections before he began to speak. "The Momiji you've gotten to know isn't the Momiji I grew up with," Haru said. He stared out over the bridge, and the wind caressed his hair. "He was joyful, seemingly untouched by the sorrow of our curse. I knew he wanted to be acknowledged by your mother desperately, and he wanted to know you as a brother, but your father kept him away, because your mother was... broken. After giving birth to a cursed child, some women break. Your mother was one of them.
"But he retained hope. He was the one who always smiled, who always laughed. And we all loved him for it." Haru's fist clenched on the railing as he leaned over it. My breath caught. I wondered how close to falling he was. "He retained his belief that everything would work out."
"What happened?" I asked. I remembered overhearing Momiji's conversation with my father, and knew something earth-shattering had happened to him. While there were still glimmers of light in my brother, shadows lurked in his eyes, and his faith in the essential goodness of humanity was missing.
Haru spoke only one word, but the monotone voice he used, conveyed volumes. "Akito."
I shivered. Darkness seemed to be the legacy of the former clan head, and I hated to admit it, but a small part of me was glad he was dead. I had never met him, but the other Sohma members I was coming to know seemed terrified of him. "What... what did Akito do?"
"Akito seemed to delight in tormenting the Jyunishi. Yuki was his particular toy, but he played with all of us, knew our fears and worked us over. We couldn't stand up to him; he was the god. That's the reason he was clan head. He was born to represent the Jade Emperor." I remembered the tales of the Jyunishi party, and wondered about it.
Haru was lost in his reflections, and his voice fell to almost a whisper. "The day before he died, he called Momiji in to see him."
My eyes widened. "That would have been three years ago?"
Haru nodded to confirm my memory. "Momiji was eighteen and had just graduated high school. He had such plans, and he laughed off our concern; most of the Jyunishi members were waiting outside for him to come back. Akito was known to be abusive, and he knew how to take people apart. But Momiji said that there was nothing Akito could do; he would heal if Akito hit him. He went in to see Akito, and when he came out... he wasn't the same. Something had taken some of the joy out of him. It was Akito's last act. He took away the most joyous of us."
"What did Akito do?" I wondered. I felt a surge of hate for anyone who could hurt Momiji; how could anyone want to steal his laughter?
"No one knows. We know Akito knew the day he was going to die; that was part of his curse. He never told us it would be that particular day, but he knew. He was born knowing. But to destroy Momiji as his last action was nothing we would have foreseen. Yuki was his favorite, or Kyou or even Hatori. But Momiji? None of us saw it coming."
"And that's why he did it," I said. "Because no one saw it coming, and because Momiji gave you all so much happiness. By taking away your source of laughter, he hurt all of you. The others were prepared to be hurt by Akito; I bet Momiji wasn't."
Haru turned to me, stepping away from the railing. The twilight bathed his face in the strange shades only seen for those brief minutes when it was neither day or night. I thought the time suited Haru perfectly, because he was neither black nor white at the moment, but a shade of gray as he stared at me intently. "You're wise for one so young. I wonder why we didn't see it."
"Because you're too close." I felt the cool air tug at me and shivered. It was getting colder out, and I wished I had brought a jacket. "Why do you love him?" I was curious to know.
He looked startled. "How..."
I blushed, and decided it was time to confess. "I overheard Papa and Momiji. Papa said that you were doing everything because you loved Momiji. And it wasn't a platonic love from the way he spoke."
"No. It's not." Haru replied reflectively. "There's more than one way to love someone, and you can love more than one person at a time. I will always cherish Yuki for being my first love, for being the one to show me that I wasn't bound by the legends surrounding the Jyunishi. But that's a child's love, pure. I don't long to pursue anything more than see him happy - knowing he's with Tohru brings me joy.
"Rin was my first adult relationship. We entered as children, seeking to find a place beyond the sorrow of our curses, and because of that, we were doomed to failure. We clung to each other because there was no one else." Haru smiled faintly as he lost himself in his memories. "But what I learned from her was that there is someone else who can care for me. That Yuki wasn't the entire world."
"How... how did Momiji fit into this?" I wondered.
"I always seemed to follow my 'black' side when it came to love. Fall fast, fall hard and passionately. But with Momiji, it was different. We're the same age, and have always been together. I was used to his presence, and I liked it. It wasn't until he was taken away from me that I realized how much I loved him."
"Are you sure it's not just concern?" I had to ask. The knowledge that Momiji was my brother had only been mine for twenty-four hours, but already I was developing protective instincts for him. I wanted him the same way he wanted me. I wanted to be his sister, and from what I knew of siblings, that meant keeping each other safe.
Haru's eyes grew more intense, and I wondered if I was invoking the dreaded Black by challenging him. "I've seen Akito torment others. Kisa, Rin, Kyou, Hatori. Even when it was Yuki, it didn't cut me so deeply. But I knew when I saw Momiji after he left that room that I loved him. I don't know when it happened, but I knew I wanted him like I wanted nothing else. I want to see him smile again, Momo, and for him to smile, he needs you. He needs to hope, and you're his hope."
That shook me to the core. It was a burden, to be someone's hope. "I-"
"You need to get home. It's late and your family will be worried."
That saddened me. Had Papa ever worried where Momiji was? "I do need to go, but when I get there, they'll know where I was..." I said. I knew that my knowledge would be written all over my face, because I was a rotten liar.
Haru smiled a bit, and there was something in it that matched his punkish appearance. "Do what you want with your father, but your mother... as much as I dislike her, talk to your father first. She doesn't remember anything."
I nodded, turning away from him. "What Papa says will help me determine what I do next. I want to promise that I will be able to help Momiji, but -" I stumbled, trying to find the words.
"Don't make promises you can't keep. There's too much hurt as it is." He nodded, waving a hand before going back to stare at the rising moon. The white light drained him of color and reflected oddly. He had dismissed me, but that was okay.
I had learned everything I needed to from Sohma Hatsuharu. The next step on the road I was traveling would be to confront my father, Sohma Mitsuru.
END PART FIVE
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Author's Notes:
And she's THERE!
Okay, a livehouse is kind of like a club - really more on the music side, though. You see a bunch of them in animes like Kaikan Phase. And Haru looks like he belongs there.
Akito as Jade Emperor, Rin and Haru's relationship, yada yada... well, it's all my own spin since I'm ignoring the manga as I write this since the Rin/Haru kiss came out JUST as I was finishing the draft of this section. The date I've completed THIS is March 8, 2003.
Credits to Xandra as beta (and I will learn not to say something is "not priority!") Lyra for her efforts on my behalf, and Merrow for sounding boarding the end.