Today, Queen Heather came to visit me. I shall forever call her Queen
Heather, to annoy her, if naught else. She came and told me that I had a
new mission. It was to go back in time and make certain a young girl was
never born. A young girl by the name of Usagi Tsukino.
And she showed me a picture of the girl she would have me destroy, and I knew. She was the Chosen of the Universe, made of pure light. She was one I would not, could not destroy. It was forbidden. Verboten. And so I refused. For I was not allowed to.
And Queen Heather was mad at me. Even more mad when I began to refer to her insolently as Heather. But she knows that she cannot kill me. I am the one that can travel through time, through space, to anytime, anywhere in the plane. She knows I can do this. After all, was she not the one who gave me this power? Who exposed me to it, and made sure I became addicted to it. Was she not the one who used dark magic to fuse it to my body? And am I not now tainted because of her. And yet she cannot control me. What a laugh.
And to hurt me, to make me feel sorry for disobeying me, she told me that Kari died. Had been dead, in fact, for a while. And she watched me withdraw, the pained, strained look on my face. My sorrow mounting heavily on my heart. And she smirked.
She had turned Kari into a monster. Not just brainwashed, but a perfect minion, at that.
Kari has not always been this way. Before, when Queen Buena ruled, and all was good in the world, Kari was my friend. My confidante. My older sister's best friend. I wonder where my sister is now. Kari had always been kind-hearted and intelligent.
And now she was dead.
And yet, I rejoiced. For Queen Heather had suffered an irrecoverable loss. She had brought but three with her. Kari. The still rebelling Evan. And Medusa. And now Kari was dead. If both Evan and Medusa were to die, loathe though I am to think of Evan dying, Queen Heather would be left with nothing but soldiers and guards who were mindless.
And me. Always me. Forever me. Doomed to be alone, and doomed to serve she who I hate. I await the day that I shall be free. For I will be free. Sooner or later. Somehow.
===(
We fought again today, my mother and I. We used to love each other so much, despite the fights. But now? It was the usual. We had just fought another youma. One sent by someone called Evan. General Evan. I know him. I saw him in the fire. And I arrived home late. And mother was mad.
Fiona, where were you? We were so worried? You could have been dead! You are irresponsible, incorrigible, and so on. By the time she had finished her litany, she was near tears.
And I was upset. I had never had to lie to my mother yet. And now I was forced to. I could hardly tell her that I had been fighting a youma. So I retaliated. Don't you trust me? I would never be out without a reason, and it was only five minutes! Nothing for you to flip out about. Besides, I had added snidely. Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical?
And that had hit home. I doubt she knows that I meant exactly what I said. She probably thinks I mean something else. But she knows what that referred to. When she had been a senshi, hadn't she lied? Hadn't she betrayed everyone's trust? And hadn't she stayed out late? I could see the pain in her face as she remembered what could be so easily forgotten. And I felt bad.
My mother regrets quitting, but her resignation is something she cannot take back. And she will have to live with it.
And meanwhile, I shall forever throw in my lot with the Crystal Senshi. "Live as one, die as one," is our motto. That is "one" as in together. But it could also mean "one" as in we shall never quit. Either way, I will always be there, searching the Sacred Fire, plotting against General Evan.
As the breach between my mother and I grow larger.
And as our love withers out.
I shall at least remember that once, we were a happy family. Once upon a time. A time long, long ago. In a faraway place. A time and place that seems so distant.
As I deal with the burdens of the senshi. And reminisce.
===(
The words cut me. Stab me. Hurt me. The fire of Mars that was mine. Never. Never to be seen again. I do not think the full impact of what I did hit me until I was attacked by that raven-youma. And I learned that I was defenseless. Defenseless. I have never been defenseless before.
And my daughter has just reminded me of how weak I truly am.
My daughter. Where have I gone wrong? We used to be so close. We quarreled of course, but that took place in every mother-daughter relationship. Now, my daughter cannot bear to be near me. Would she despise me if she knew of my resignation from the Sailor Scouts?
And Serena. How I miss you. Your comforting presence and earsplitting shrieks. Your bubbly personality and ready smile. As well as your eternal klutziness and innocence. Where has that Serena gone? Disappeared under the exterior of Sailor Cosmos, mayhap? Oh yes, Serena. I know that you are Sailor Cosmos, and I have known. It would be hard not to know.
Your purity of essence, your innocence and virtue. You, Serena, are the complete visage of beauty. And you are the light of the cosmos. And yet I betrayed you. I quit along with the other ex-Scouts. And I could see that although you pretended to agree with us, your heart rebelled. Your heart was in pain, for you felt like we were abandoning you to a long, lonely journey alone.
I knew all this, yet I still quit.
And I hate myself for it. I shall never forgive myself?
Will you? Serena would forgive me. But will Neo-Queen Serenity. For they are not one and the same. You have changed.
Partly because of us, I think.
Either way, I wish you luck fighting this enemy. And I hope your Crystal Senshi, whoever they are, are safe.
Do you know something? After I held Lita place her Ward on Liata, I felt guilty. Guilty for quitting the Scouts, that is. So I placed a similar Ward on you. I had a dream that night. I dreamed that you shed the Ward, and gently told me that you did not need it. That you did not blame us. That we did not know what lies in the future, as you now do. And for me not to feel guilty.
Maybe you forgive us after all, Serena. Maybe you forgive me.
But I do not.
So all I can do is hope and pray that you and your Senshi, whoever they may be, survive the long and lonesome journey in life. And Serena. Although I am no longer your Sailor Scout, you must always remember.
I am always here for you. Wherever you are.
To be continued ...
So? How do people like it? Love it? Hate it? Too deep? Too shallow? Too short? To ~unlike~ the first chapter?
And now I will confess. I began the first chapter a long time ago, when I was still . aiming for a shallow plot. I left it alone. A year later, my taste changed, and I realized it was incredibly stupid, but I had written 40 pages, and I refused to delete it. So I changed it and posted it, and worked on writing better sequel chapters. So the style kinda contrasts. Oh well.
And she showed me a picture of the girl she would have me destroy, and I knew. She was the Chosen of the Universe, made of pure light. She was one I would not, could not destroy. It was forbidden. Verboten. And so I refused. For I was not allowed to.
And Queen Heather was mad at me. Even more mad when I began to refer to her insolently as Heather. But she knows that she cannot kill me. I am the one that can travel through time, through space, to anytime, anywhere in the plane. She knows I can do this. After all, was she not the one who gave me this power? Who exposed me to it, and made sure I became addicted to it. Was she not the one who used dark magic to fuse it to my body? And am I not now tainted because of her. And yet she cannot control me. What a laugh.
And to hurt me, to make me feel sorry for disobeying me, she told me that Kari died. Had been dead, in fact, for a while. And she watched me withdraw, the pained, strained look on my face. My sorrow mounting heavily on my heart. And she smirked.
She had turned Kari into a monster. Not just brainwashed, but a perfect minion, at that.
Kari has not always been this way. Before, when Queen Buena ruled, and all was good in the world, Kari was my friend. My confidante. My older sister's best friend. I wonder where my sister is now. Kari had always been kind-hearted and intelligent.
And now she was dead.
And yet, I rejoiced. For Queen Heather had suffered an irrecoverable loss. She had brought but three with her. Kari. The still rebelling Evan. And Medusa. And now Kari was dead. If both Evan and Medusa were to die, loathe though I am to think of Evan dying, Queen Heather would be left with nothing but soldiers and guards who were mindless.
And me. Always me. Forever me. Doomed to be alone, and doomed to serve she who I hate. I await the day that I shall be free. For I will be free. Sooner or later. Somehow.
===(
We fought again today, my mother and I. We used to love each other so much, despite the fights. But now? It was the usual. We had just fought another youma. One sent by someone called Evan. General Evan. I know him. I saw him in the fire. And I arrived home late. And mother was mad.
Fiona, where were you? We were so worried? You could have been dead! You are irresponsible, incorrigible, and so on. By the time she had finished her litany, she was near tears.
And I was upset. I had never had to lie to my mother yet. And now I was forced to. I could hardly tell her that I had been fighting a youma. So I retaliated. Don't you trust me? I would never be out without a reason, and it was only five minutes! Nothing for you to flip out about. Besides, I had added snidely. Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical?
And that had hit home. I doubt she knows that I meant exactly what I said. She probably thinks I mean something else. But she knows what that referred to. When she had been a senshi, hadn't she lied? Hadn't she betrayed everyone's trust? And hadn't she stayed out late? I could see the pain in her face as she remembered what could be so easily forgotten. And I felt bad.
My mother regrets quitting, but her resignation is something she cannot take back. And she will have to live with it.
And meanwhile, I shall forever throw in my lot with the Crystal Senshi. "Live as one, die as one," is our motto. That is "one" as in together. But it could also mean "one" as in we shall never quit. Either way, I will always be there, searching the Sacred Fire, plotting against General Evan.
As the breach between my mother and I grow larger.
And as our love withers out.
I shall at least remember that once, we were a happy family. Once upon a time. A time long, long ago. In a faraway place. A time and place that seems so distant.
As I deal with the burdens of the senshi. And reminisce.
===(
The words cut me. Stab me. Hurt me. The fire of Mars that was mine. Never. Never to be seen again. I do not think the full impact of what I did hit me until I was attacked by that raven-youma. And I learned that I was defenseless. Defenseless. I have never been defenseless before.
And my daughter has just reminded me of how weak I truly am.
My daughter. Where have I gone wrong? We used to be so close. We quarreled of course, but that took place in every mother-daughter relationship. Now, my daughter cannot bear to be near me. Would she despise me if she knew of my resignation from the Sailor Scouts?
And Serena. How I miss you. Your comforting presence and earsplitting shrieks. Your bubbly personality and ready smile. As well as your eternal klutziness and innocence. Where has that Serena gone? Disappeared under the exterior of Sailor Cosmos, mayhap? Oh yes, Serena. I know that you are Sailor Cosmos, and I have known. It would be hard not to know.
Your purity of essence, your innocence and virtue. You, Serena, are the complete visage of beauty. And you are the light of the cosmos. And yet I betrayed you. I quit along with the other ex-Scouts. And I could see that although you pretended to agree with us, your heart rebelled. Your heart was in pain, for you felt like we were abandoning you to a long, lonely journey alone.
I knew all this, yet I still quit.
And I hate myself for it. I shall never forgive myself?
Will you? Serena would forgive me. But will Neo-Queen Serenity. For they are not one and the same. You have changed.
Partly because of us, I think.
Either way, I wish you luck fighting this enemy. And I hope your Crystal Senshi, whoever they are, are safe.
Do you know something? After I held Lita place her Ward on Liata, I felt guilty. Guilty for quitting the Scouts, that is. So I placed a similar Ward on you. I had a dream that night. I dreamed that you shed the Ward, and gently told me that you did not need it. That you did not blame us. That we did not know what lies in the future, as you now do. And for me not to feel guilty.
Maybe you forgive us after all, Serena. Maybe you forgive me.
But I do not.
So all I can do is hope and pray that you and your Senshi, whoever they may be, survive the long and lonesome journey in life. And Serena. Although I am no longer your Sailor Scout, you must always remember.
I am always here for you. Wherever you are.
To be continued ...
So? How do people like it? Love it? Hate it? Too deep? Too shallow? Too short? To ~unlike~ the first chapter?
And now I will confess. I began the first chapter a long time ago, when I was still . aiming for a shallow plot. I left it alone. A year later, my taste changed, and I realized it was incredibly stupid, but I had written 40 pages, and I refused to delete it. So I changed it and posted it, and worked on writing better sequel chapters. So the style kinda contrasts. Oh well.