From Part 1:
Mac didn't answer right away. He made it sound so easy, like she could pick up the phone and everything would be better. "I'll think about it, thanks Bud." She hung up the phone.
Before she lost her nerve she grabbed her car keys and was out the door. On her way it started to rain slowing down traffic. Only in DC would there be traffic on a Sunday. Mac finally pulled up outside his apartment and shut off her engine. It was still coming down pretty heavy.
'I'd better call first; I don't want to get wet if he's not here.' She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.
Part 2:`
Harm's Apartment
Same Time
Harm was in the middle of fixing his sink when the phone started to ring. Before he answered he checked his caller ID; it was common practice now-a-days. It was Mac.
'What does she want? Probably wants to act like nothing happened; like she did the other day when she came by. I agreed to come into JAG to help out, what more does she want?' He didn't feel like dealing with her right now. 'Let the machine get it.'
I'm not in right now, please leave a message.....BEEP.
There was a long silence and for a second Harm thought she wasn't going to say anything.
{"Hey Harm....uhhh...listen if you're there could you pick up."}
'She sounds different, maybe I should pick up. No! Webb probably pulled a spook move on her and now she wants me to comfort her. Well, I won't do it. I can't go through that again, it took too much out of me last time with Brumby.'
Deep down Harm knew he acted like a real ass in Paraguay; a jealous one at that, but when he saw the way Mac treated Webb he panicked. He didn't want her to see how hurt he was, but looking back maybe if he'd been more honest with her about his feelings she wouldn't have said 'never'. His more reassemble side told him he had had two years to tell her he wanted more than her friendship, while his more stubborn side said his actions where enough to tell her how he felt.
He hoped Webb did do something to hurt her, then he immediately felt guilty for the though. She doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore.
{"Well....I'm going out of town for a few weeks. My plane leaves tonight so I won't be at JAG on Monday....sorry to leave you and Bud hanging, but my unc........that is....uh....I'll be in Arizona. You can reach me on my cell phone."}
'I don't believe this! She asked me for my help; saying they where under staffed. I may have gone to court with Imes a few times, but so did she!' He didn't even stop to think why she would be going to Arizona.
{"I'd appreciate it if you call me before I leave...I really need to talk to you....bye."}
Harm really had to fight with himself not to pick up the phone and call her back. Something didn't feel right. He could physically feel the Evil and Good parts of his conscience arguing.
'Get a grip Rabb, every time she's left a message in the past few months she said she needs to talk to you,' the Evil conscience stated.
The Good conscience perked up. 'Yeah, but she didn't sound like herself. Every other time she always sounded annoyed that you were ignoring her, now....she sounded lost.'
'So let her new boyfriend take care of her. She needs to learn she can't have it both ways. It's either you or him and she made her choice!' Harm shook his head in mild agreement with the snide voice.
'I guess if it was anything serious she would have said something in her message,' the Good conscience dully noted.
'There you go; relax she's a big girl she can take care of herself.'
Harm went back to his sink, but he still had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right.
Outside Harms Apartment
Same Time
Mac hung up her phone. Whether or not he was really home didn't matter. She knew he wasn't going to call her back and she didn't need him with her out of some weird twisted since of loyalty. Somehow that would just hurt worse. She started her car and drove away into the rain.
0800 Monday
JAG Headquarters
Harm couldn't help but feel out of place when he walked into the bullpen with his visitors badge attached to his civilian attire. He said his hello's as he walked toward Bud's office. Not finding him there he turned around looking for him.
"He's in the conference room, sir." Harm spun around to find Coates grinning at him.
"Thanks, Jen." He walked past her quickly not wanting to get into a discussion about the past six months.
He walked into the conference room to find Bud hard at work. It looked like he'd been here for quiet some time. Files were scattered all over the table and he didn't even notice Harm when he entered. "Bucking for a promotion, Bud?"
Bud looked up startled at the voice that entered the room.
"Sir, it's good to see you!" He got up and shook Harm's hand. Bud's grin was infectious and Harm couldn't help but return it.
"How long have you been here, Bud?" He asked eyeing the mounds of files on the table.
"Only a couple of hours sir. I wanted to get a head start, especially with the Colonel gone." Bud looked up at Harm afraid he'd said too much. After all he didn't even know if Mac had called and told him. Harm walked around the table and started to pull out his own files.
"Bud for the love of god call me Harm, I'm not in the Navy anymore. And don't remind me about the Colonel. I'm mad enough that she roped me into this and then took off."
"What!?" Harm looked up surprised at Bud's outburst. Bud had a look of confusion on his face. "Didn't she call you on Sunday?"
"Yeah, she called. What's the matter with you?" Now Bud was really confused and couldn't help but look at Harm with disappointment in his eyes.
"I know you and the Colonel had a falling out in Paraguay, but I thought you would be more sympathetic. I wasn't even expecting you to show up today. I thought you'd want to go to the funeral."
Harm looked up at Bud, shock showing on his face.
"Funeral?" Harm had a sense of dread come over him. He didn't know what was going on, but something told him he'd made a huge mistake yesterday. "Did something happen to Mac's mother?"
"No, Sir." Bud realized that Mac hadn't told him. "Colonel O'Hara passed away Saturday morning of a heart attack."
Harm felt nauseous. Everything came flooding back in her message, how lost she sounded, how she reached out to him. Mac had needed him, and he had turned his back on her. Harm was one of the few people who fully understood what her uncle meant to her. He picked her up when she was at her lowest point, helped her dry out, and showed her she alone was in control of her life. Harm thought he might actually be sick.
"I'm sorry Bud, but I have to go." Harm left his files and shot out of the office. Before he was even out of the building he had the airlines on the phone booking his flight. He knew exactly which part of Arizona she'd be at.
Tuesday Morning
Arizona
The funeral was over and everyone had left. The diggers had even filled in the grave, but Mac couldn't bring herself to leave. She just sat there in front of the fresh grave trying to figure out where to go from here. It wasn't that she didn't have anything to do, she did. She had to take care of Uncle Matt's estate, there was the reading of the will, and somehow there seemed to be more paper work than usual. She was scared that if she stood up to leave then it would all be real.
She looked at the folded flag lying next to her. Her uncle had lost all military benefits and rights due to his incarceration. With him being a Medal Of Honor recipient Mac could have made a decent case for burial at Arlington, but that would have taken time and she just wanted to put him to rest. Admiral Chegwiggen had apparently made some phone calls anticipating this and Mac was pleasantly surprised when a detail of Marines had shown up to give him an unofficial, but proper military burial.
Mac had completely shut down since her arrival in Arizona. She refused to cry, it simply hurt too much. Even when the rifles sounded their salute she remained emotionless. It slowly started hitting home the longer she sat there though.
She was never going to see him again. He was dead. She had no one. She didn't even have her best friend. This made it official, everyone she loves does leave her. She was alone now and couldn't help but feel this is how it was always going to be. Could a person go through life feeling this empty? Mac fought them, but the tears came anyway.
This is how Harm found her when he arrived at the cemetery. He had caught the red eye flight and came straight from the airport. It had only taken a few phone calls in the area to locate where the funeral was going to take place. Harm had been going on auto-pilot since learning about Mac's uncle, his only mission to get here as fast as possible.
Mac's back was to him and he just watched her for a few minutes. He wasn't sure how to approach her after everything they've been through. Harm saw her shoulders start to shake and watched her cover her face with her hands. He didn't remember dropping his bag or moving, but before he knew it he was kneeing in front of her.
When he touched her face Mac looked up at him like she wasn't sure he was real. It broke Harm's heart to see so much pain in her tear stained eyes. She broke down into a sob and Harm pulled her into his arms. She wrapped both arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder crying uncontrollably. She was clinging to him like she was afraid he would disappear.
"I've got you," Harm whispered to her letting a few of his own tears fall. He stroked her hair trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry Sarah, I should have been here. I should have been here for you, I'm so sorry."
It felt so good to be in his arms. Who knew a hug could hold so much healing power? Neither was sure how much time pasted, but as the tears slowed Mac pulled back slightly and rested her forehead on his so she could look at him. She brought both her hands to cup his face and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. He opened his eyes and did the same to her.
"You're here now," Mac said in a soft voice. A fresh batch of tears started to fall as she continued, "Please, don't leave me."
It killed Harm that she even had to ask, had they really grown that far apart? This was the last time...this was the last time he would fail her. The first time it was when her husband returned, then Mic leaving....she had trusted him to make it better and he turned her away. It didn't matter if he had reasons at the time. The bottom line was that she had been alone. Renee had a family; a mother to turn to. Mac had no one. Now this....
"I'm never leaving you again." To prove his point he leaned forward and kissed her. He'd meant for it to be a short brush of the lips, but both their emotions where running too high for it to end there. He didn't know how it happened but they both fell into a desperate kiss. Mac had wrapped her arms around his neck again and Harm ran his hands down her body and wrapped them around her waist. They where clinging to each other with a feeling of coming home. Mac opened her mouth and Harm immediately deepened the kiss.
Harm tried to take all her pain away in that kiss. He tried to give her something to hold onto. Mac was only too glad to accept all he offered, but a small part of her couldn't help but question it. They mutually ended the kiss, but couldn't bring themselves to let go of each other. Mac buried her face in his shoulder again and just held on to him. Why he was here would come later, right now she was just glad he was there.
Harm was the first to pull away. "Let's get you out of here." He stood and helped Mac to her feet. He noticed for the first time she was in uniform. He was in such a rush to get here that he forgot why she needed him in the first place. He picked up the folded flag and looked at the grave with Mac.
"He was an honor to his country, Mac."
"He was an honor to me as well." Mac came to attention, and even though Harm wasn't in uniform he did the same; together they saluted his grave. Turning to leave Harm took Mac's hand as they walked to her rental car, stopping to pick up the bag he dropped earlier.
TBC
Mac didn't answer right away. He made it sound so easy, like she could pick up the phone and everything would be better. "I'll think about it, thanks Bud." She hung up the phone.
Before she lost her nerve she grabbed her car keys and was out the door. On her way it started to rain slowing down traffic. Only in DC would there be traffic on a Sunday. Mac finally pulled up outside his apartment and shut off her engine. It was still coming down pretty heavy.
'I'd better call first; I don't want to get wet if he's not here.' She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.
Part 2:`
Harm's Apartment
Same Time
Harm was in the middle of fixing his sink when the phone started to ring. Before he answered he checked his caller ID; it was common practice now-a-days. It was Mac.
'What does she want? Probably wants to act like nothing happened; like she did the other day when she came by. I agreed to come into JAG to help out, what more does she want?' He didn't feel like dealing with her right now. 'Let the machine get it.'
I'm not in right now, please leave a message.....BEEP.
There was a long silence and for a second Harm thought she wasn't going to say anything.
{"Hey Harm....uhhh...listen if you're there could you pick up."}
'She sounds different, maybe I should pick up. No! Webb probably pulled a spook move on her and now she wants me to comfort her. Well, I won't do it. I can't go through that again, it took too much out of me last time with Brumby.'
Deep down Harm knew he acted like a real ass in Paraguay; a jealous one at that, but when he saw the way Mac treated Webb he panicked. He didn't want her to see how hurt he was, but looking back maybe if he'd been more honest with her about his feelings she wouldn't have said 'never'. His more reassemble side told him he had had two years to tell her he wanted more than her friendship, while his more stubborn side said his actions where enough to tell her how he felt.
He hoped Webb did do something to hurt her, then he immediately felt guilty for the though. She doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore.
{"Well....I'm going out of town for a few weeks. My plane leaves tonight so I won't be at JAG on Monday....sorry to leave you and Bud hanging, but my unc........that is....uh....I'll be in Arizona. You can reach me on my cell phone."}
'I don't believe this! She asked me for my help; saying they where under staffed. I may have gone to court with Imes a few times, but so did she!' He didn't even stop to think why she would be going to Arizona.
{"I'd appreciate it if you call me before I leave...I really need to talk to you....bye."}
Harm really had to fight with himself not to pick up the phone and call her back. Something didn't feel right. He could physically feel the Evil and Good parts of his conscience arguing.
'Get a grip Rabb, every time she's left a message in the past few months she said she needs to talk to you,' the Evil conscience stated.
The Good conscience perked up. 'Yeah, but she didn't sound like herself. Every other time she always sounded annoyed that you were ignoring her, now....she sounded lost.'
'So let her new boyfriend take care of her. She needs to learn she can't have it both ways. It's either you or him and she made her choice!' Harm shook his head in mild agreement with the snide voice.
'I guess if it was anything serious she would have said something in her message,' the Good conscience dully noted.
'There you go; relax she's a big girl she can take care of herself.'
Harm went back to his sink, but he still had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right.
Outside Harms Apartment
Same Time
Mac hung up her phone. Whether or not he was really home didn't matter. She knew he wasn't going to call her back and she didn't need him with her out of some weird twisted since of loyalty. Somehow that would just hurt worse. She started her car and drove away into the rain.
0800 Monday
JAG Headquarters
Harm couldn't help but feel out of place when he walked into the bullpen with his visitors badge attached to his civilian attire. He said his hello's as he walked toward Bud's office. Not finding him there he turned around looking for him.
"He's in the conference room, sir." Harm spun around to find Coates grinning at him.
"Thanks, Jen." He walked past her quickly not wanting to get into a discussion about the past six months.
He walked into the conference room to find Bud hard at work. It looked like he'd been here for quiet some time. Files were scattered all over the table and he didn't even notice Harm when he entered. "Bucking for a promotion, Bud?"
Bud looked up startled at the voice that entered the room.
"Sir, it's good to see you!" He got up and shook Harm's hand. Bud's grin was infectious and Harm couldn't help but return it.
"How long have you been here, Bud?" He asked eyeing the mounds of files on the table.
"Only a couple of hours sir. I wanted to get a head start, especially with the Colonel gone." Bud looked up at Harm afraid he'd said too much. After all he didn't even know if Mac had called and told him. Harm walked around the table and started to pull out his own files.
"Bud for the love of god call me Harm, I'm not in the Navy anymore. And don't remind me about the Colonel. I'm mad enough that she roped me into this and then took off."
"What!?" Harm looked up surprised at Bud's outburst. Bud had a look of confusion on his face. "Didn't she call you on Sunday?"
"Yeah, she called. What's the matter with you?" Now Bud was really confused and couldn't help but look at Harm with disappointment in his eyes.
"I know you and the Colonel had a falling out in Paraguay, but I thought you would be more sympathetic. I wasn't even expecting you to show up today. I thought you'd want to go to the funeral."
Harm looked up at Bud, shock showing on his face.
"Funeral?" Harm had a sense of dread come over him. He didn't know what was going on, but something told him he'd made a huge mistake yesterday. "Did something happen to Mac's mother?"
"No, Sir." Bud realized that Mac hadn't told him. "Colonel O'Hara passed away Saturday morning of a heart attack."
Harm felt nauseous. Everything came flooding back in her message, how lost she sounded, how she reached out to him. Mac had needed him, and he had turned his back on her. Harm was one of the few people who fully understood what her uncle meant to her. He picked her up when she was at her lowest point, helped her dry out, and showed her she alone was in control of her life. Harm thought he might actually be sick.
"I'm sorry Bud, but I have to go." Harm left his files and shot out of the office. Before he was even out of the building he had the airlines on the phone booking his flight. He knew exactly which part of Arizona she'd be at.
Tuesday Morning
Arizona
The funeral was over and everyone had left. The diggers had even filled in the grave, but Mac couldn't bring herself to leave. She just sat there in front of the fresh grave trying to figure out where to go from here. It wasn't that she didn't have anything to do, she did. She had to take care of Uncle Matt's estate, there was the reading of the will, and somehow there seemed to be more paper work than usual. She was scared that if she stood up to leave then it would all be real.
She looked at the folded flag lying next to her. Her uncle had lost all military benefits and rights due to his incarceration. With him being a Medal Of Honor recipient Mac could have made a decent case for burial at Arlington, but that would have taken time and she just wanted to put him to rest. Admiral Chegwiggen had apparently made some phone calls anticipating this and Mac was pleasantly surprised when a detail of Marines had shown up to give him an unofficial, but proper military burial.
Mac had completely shut down since her arrival in Arizona. She refused to cry, it simply hurt too much. Even when the rifles sounded their salute she remained emotionless. It slowly started hitting home the longer she sat there though.
She was never going to see him again. He was dead. She had no one. She didn't even have her best friend. This made it official, everyone she loves does leave her. She was alone now and couldn't help but feel this is how it was always going to be. Could a person go through life feeling this empty? Mac fought them, but the tears came anyway.
This is how Harm found her when he arrived at the cemetery. He had caught the red eye flight and came straight from the airport. It had only taken a few phone calls in the area to locate where the funeral was going to take place. Harm had been going on auto-pilot since learning about Mac's uncle, his only mission to get here as fast as possible.
Mac's back was to him and he just watched her for a few minutes. He wasn't sure how to approach her after everything they've been through. Harm saw her shoulders start to shake and watched her cover her face with her hands. He didn't remember dropping his bag or moving, but before he knew it he was kneeing in front of her.
When he touched her face Mac looked up at him like she wasn't sure he was real. It broke Harm's heart to see so much pain in her tear stained eyes. She broke down into a sob and Harm pulled her into his arms. She wrapped both arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder crying uncontrollably. She was clinging to him like she was afraid he would disappear.
"I've got you," Harm whispered to her letting a few of his own tears fall. He stroked her hair trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry Sarah, I should have been here. I should have been here for you, I'm so sorry."
It felt so good to be in his arms. Who knew a hug could hold so much healing power? Neither was sure how much time pasted, but as the tears slowed Mac pulled back slightly and rested her forehead on his so she could look at him. She brought both her hands to cup his face and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. He opened his eyes and did the same to her.
"You're here now," Mac said in a soft voice. A fresh batch of tears started to fall as she continued, "Please, don't leave me."
It killed Harm that she even had to ask, had they really grown that far apart? This was the last time...this was the last time he would fail her. The first time it was when her husband returned, then Mic leaving....she had trusted him to make it better and he turned her away. It didn't matter if he had reasons at the time. The bottom line was that she had been alone. Renee had a family; a mother to turn to. Mac had no one. Now this....
"I'm never leaving you again." To prove his point he leaned forward and kissed her. He'd meant for it to be a short brush of the lips, but both their emotions where running too high for it to end there. He didn't know how it happened but they both fell into a desperate kiss. Mac had wrapped her arms around his neck again and Harm ran his hands down her body and wrapped them around her waist. They where clinging to each other with a feeling of coming home. Mac opened her mouth and Harm immediately deepened the kiss.
Harm tried to take all her pain away in that kiss. He tried to give her something to hold onto. Mac was only too glad to accept all he offered, but a small part of her couldn't help but question it. They mutually ended the kiss, but couldn't bring themselves to let go of each other. Mac buried her face in his shoulder again and just held on to him. Why he was here would come later, right now she was just glad he was there.
Harm was the first to pull away. "Let's get you out of here." He stood and helped Mac to her feet. He noticed for the first time she was in uniform. He was in such a rush to get here that he forgot why she needed him in the first place. He picked up the folded flag and looked at the grave with Mac.
"He was an honor to his country, Mac."
"He was an honor to me as well." Mac came to attention, and even though Harm wasn't in uniform he did the same; together they saluted his grave. Turning to leave Harm took Mac's hand as they walked to her rental car, stopping to pick up the bag he dropped earlier.
TBC