Disclaimer- All characters and stuff following,belong to J.K. Rowling, etc.Not mine.Except for the plot.All characters contained herein are 18 years and over and of consenting age.

Dismembering Draco aka Obvious

Draco Malfoy would never let it be known that he was vain.Nuh-uh,no way.But he was.Terribly.He obsessed over his looks like Hermione Granger obsessed over study notes.Let it be known at that exact moment while Draco was completely absorbed over the state of his cuticles,far above in Gryffindor tower,Hermione was currently reducing it's inhabitants to a state of hostage situation terror in her maddening search for her alphabetized,colour coded Transfiguration homework.

Some people are so predictible.Oh wait,i wrote them that way.Yes.And this is the part where Harry Potter,the Hero,walks in.Walks right into the secret Slytherin House common room,past the oh so predictible portrait of a serpent,utters the patently obvious password, "Draco is God," strides right through the dark and gloomy common room full of shocked and conveniently immobile Slytherins lounging around drinking butterbooze and making illicit potions and up the stairs and into Draco's unmistakable and undisguised rooms,where the doors are conveniently unsealed and opened.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Draco,obviously surprised and shocked,cannot believe that his rival,his enemy,the only man on the face of the planet who could come close to even being half as good looking is suddenly standing in the middle of his fabulously adorned and Slytherin Like chambers.

To Draco's further shock it appeared that Harry was brandishing a rather large pair of scissors.It didn't actually matter if they were large or not.Your enemy catching you off guard with any kind of pointy implement is always rather distressing.Even if it's a spork.But that's another story that's yet to be posted.

"McGonnagal's Knickers!" Draco shrieked in that high pitched girly shriek he does so well and dove for his wand. Harry of course pocketed it quickly,super fast reflexes thanks to Quidditch and all that,you know,and advanced menacingly upon him.

snip snip snip

Draco looked around for an escape route.There was none.His 19 trunks of clothes and 5 wardrobes were blocking the way.

"Crabbe,Goyle,help me!" Of course Crabbe and Goyle were unconscious in the hallway.Not thanks to a marvellous potion cooked up by brainiacHermione,but after 18 years of stuffing their fat faces with every kind of sugar filled treat they ever came upon,the subsequent ill health got to them and sent them into a diabetic coma.

"Shit!" Draco turned and ran,daintily, for the window.There had to be someone in the grounds to help him.He always escaped unscathed in these kinds of situations,to the relief and adoration of his fans.

Ah ha!Professor Snape,he'll save me!He's my secret Godfather,even though everyone knows and he's also secretly evil,everyone knows that too.

"Professor Snape,help me!Potter's trying to kill me!"

Professor Snape turned from the rather saucy conversation he was having with Professor Lupin over a cup of tea and looked up at Draco hanging inelegantly out the castle window.

"What does that attention seeking little whore want now?" He growled. "It's bad enough i have to be a godfather to that, that bimbo!But then he follows me around everywhere,sucks up to me,calls me 'Sevvie'..."

"Why do you put up with it then?" Lupin asked wryly.

"Because these damn writer's make me!"

Lupin snorted."I thought i was the only one who called you Sevvie."

"Don't start with me..."

"Say isn't that Potter up there with him? With a great big pair of scissors?"

"Who gives a fuck." Snape turned away and continued drinking his tea.

Draco looked on in disbelief. Uncle Sev was abandoning him! It was only when he felt cold steel brushing against his neck did he realise that Harry had of course,snuck up behind him.

"Oh Gods,i'm gonna die.I'm not even gonna die with dignity!Isn't it customary for us to take each other out with some patheric excuse for a wizard's duel then resort to a half hearted punch up that ends with both of us rolling around on the floor in a sweaty,ripped clothes,breathless kind of way? What's with the scissors?"

"I have my reasons." Draco could feel Harry's warm breath on the back of his neck and shivered.Partly from fear,partly from the obligatory attraction Draco must feel for Harry whenever someone writes a fic about them.

Fine then.Draco could take what ever was coming to him!He spun around to face Harry,ready to take him on.Man against man,wizard against wizard,nancy boy against...whatever it is Harry is defined as.

But it was too late! Harry raised the scissors and let out a manical laugh!

"Nooooo!"

snip snip snip

Some hours later...

"Why?" Draco moaned, lying on the floor amongst his severed pieces.

"Because it had to be done." Harry stood over him with a look of triumph on his face.

"But, but...Whyyyyy!"

"Oh get over it," Harry said. "You needed a haircut."

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