A/N: I'm so sorry about the wait, but moving sucks, and by sucks I mean sucks up free time. I really appreciate your reviews and patience. {{{{reviewers}}}} And don't worry, I'm not giving up on this sucker until it's done, yes, I might be in a nursing home by then, but I'm not gonna give up damn it!
Ok, me shutting up, onto the long awaited chapter....
Chapter 27
"R-Rev...is that really you?"
Brother Behemial Far Traveler bowed his furred head once more. "Yes, it is I. The others hoped I could help you."
Harper remained in his crouched over ready to attack position as shock clung to his face. Rev...it was Rev. The demons in Harper's tightly sealed box in his mind began to pound to be let out, trying to take advantage of their captor's confused state of mind. Anger, hurt, and betrayal were the first to reach their clammy claws out of the cracks forming in their cage in his mind.
Memories of Rev's holographic goodbye message played over and over on the walls of his mind. With each new frame of the home movie, the cracks in his box grew larger and larger until finally it shattered. As the shards flew across his mind, Harper jumped up and flew across the barren room towards the surprised magog. Tackling Rev, Harper started to pound the scary bat-like face. Even the pain radiating from his still healing arm did not stop the fury of punches. "YOU BASTARD! YOU, help ME!? Just like you helped me last time? HUH?! WHERE WERE YOU THEN!?" The emotions that had laid dormant for nearly a year now raced through his body like water from a broken damn. "You left me Rev! You left me when I needed you the most! YOU LEFT ME TO DIE!" Tears were fighting to escape through the anger but the rage was still too strong, all that could escaped the black hole of Harper's heart was unrestrained fury.
Fist after fist landed on the fury flesh, but Rev never fought back. He knew this was coming and even believed he deserved it to some extent. Images of Harper dieing without Rev at his side still haunted Rev's dreams even after he learned the boy had survived the larva. Rev had spent many a hours meditating for forgiveness from the boy, but meditation could only solve so much.
Minutes of pummeling the furry creature pinned beneath Harper quickly zapped his already minimal strength. Each new punch was weaker and each new hovering fist was trembling more than the last until the punches stopped all together. His arms hung limply by his sides as his chin dropped down to his chest. Wheezes escaped his lungs as he gasped for air.
Rev looked up at the boy who still had him pinned by sitting on his chest. This was not the Harper he had left, this was a stranger....some ghastly thin, haunted ghost of a man. No matter whoever it was, Rev need to reach out to the lost soul. "Master Harper," he started quietly, "I hated what I had to do to you. I wanted to stay, to support you, to be with you, but....but, my demons would not allow it. For my moment of weakness I will forever be sorry. I had hoped that by helping you now I could begin to redeem myself in your eyes and heart. I do not expect forgiveness, but please, let me help you."
Silence hung over the room as tension filled the air. Harper's head still hung down as sweat slowly rolled off his forehead, down his nose and fell into the vastness that was Rev's fur below. But inside of Harper's mind it was a whirlwind, a raging storm of thoughts and emotions. He was with Rev, the other's sent him away, to here, wherever here was. They kicked him off, drugged him. They didn't want him and rightly so. But Rev? Rev...did he even want to see that ugly face again, did he want his help, did he want any help? Did he still want to die? To live? To pay for his crimes? So many questions whirled in his exhausted mind and there were no answers in site.
Slowly his pushed his trembling body off of the beaten and bloody magog. Turning his back on Rev, he hesitantly stumbled over next to the mattress on the floor. There he stopped, just standing, staring out the window that stood above the bed. Outside he saw the long glowing blades of grass flowing in the soft breeze. Clouds floated overhead, passing before the suns, blocking out their life giving light only to retreat moments later. A strange bird-like creature dived down into the tall grasses and disappeared. Seconds later it reappeared with a small insect in it's mouth. It was all so simple out there. Life, death, survival. That was the way it was suppose to be, simple, no emotions, no questions, just eat or be eaten. But the human's mind was such a mess that he didn't even know which he wanted, to be eaten and die or to eat and live. "To be or not to be," he whispered ever so quietly.
Behind him he could hear Rev quietly standing up, groaning as he checked his injuries and then those furry, clawing feet scraping over the dirt floors coming near him.
"Harper?" Rev's raspy voice asked in great concern. Still no answer. The change in his friend sent a wave of shivers down his spine. When Rommie had contacted him a few days ago, she informed him of the situation and of all the horrors that had happened. But this...this quiet, haunted Harper was worst than he could have ever imagine. Standing next to Harper now, Rev gently placed his clawed hand on the boy's shoulder. Harper responded with a slight flinch but did not budge or say a word. Rev took a deep breath and then whispered in his raspy voice. "Harper, please say something."
Ever so slowly, Harper's head began to turn away from the window and towards Rev. The face that greeted Rev would haunt his dreams forever. Red, glazed over eyes, unwilling to let the wave of tears behind them fall. Cheek so hallow and eyes sunken in so deep that his face look more like a skull than the face of a living, breathing person. The light flooding in from the window only made the shadows on his face deeper and darker. Looking Rev dead in the eyes, Harper finally opened his mouth. "Rev, if you really want to help me, please do like you did before and leave me to die."
Rev was the speechless one now. Those eyes, that voice, those words. He desperately searched the face before him for any sign of his old friend, for any sign of hope, but only death, sadness and pain looked back. Gently he took both of Harper's twig like arms in his hands and turned him around so that they were facing each other. "I'm sorry Harper, but I won't do that...not again. I will not leave you again even if you beg me to. You are too special, too unique, too wonderful to lose. You are needed, wanted and loved. Do you understand that? Do you understand what losing you would do to the others...to me? As much as you might want to leave, the universe needs you Master Harper, as do your friends."
Harper's face had dropped back down almost instantly as the first word entered his ears. More doubts, more questions joined in the storm in his mind. Did they really still love him? Did they ever love him? Would they care if he was gone? How could they still want him around after what he did!? They were crazy, but not that crazy. His mind was being torn apart, the escaped emotions constantly fighting for his attention. He brought his face up to look at Rev's only to be greeted by those soft warm brown eyes. Why couldn't they just let him die? He was getting so sick of having to fight everyone for death. Death was suppose to be easy, death was what he had fought against his whole life and now that he actually wanted it, they would not let him have it.
Completely sick of everything and unsure of what to do, Harper slumped down onto the mattress and crawled over to the far corner. There he sat, with his knees drawn up tightly to his chest, his chin buried in the crook of his knees and his eyes staring off into thin air. Silently he began to rock himself back and forth completely ignoring the other being who was in the room. The other being who was now full of concern and haunted with worry.
Rev stood there watching Harper rhythmically rock himself in the dark corner. His eyes still glazed over and now barely blinking. For the first time, Rev was at a lost about how to help his friend. Knowing that at least now there was nothing he could do until Harper's next move, Rev turned around and headed for his mediation area which really was most of the small barren cabin. "May the Divine help us," he whispered as he walked away from the quiet shut down Harper.
******
Hours later Harper had not budged an inch. He was still the rocking ball in the dark corner on the mattress. Across the room, almost as still, was Rev, in a deep state of mediation. Candles flickered all around him yet their light was lost in the sun lit room.
Harper's troubled eyes were still glazed over with unshed tears as he gazed off into the nothingness that only he could see. Again across the room, another set of eyes gazed off into a different nothingness, a nothingness of hope, wisdom, and life. The two beings that shared the quite room were so alike and yet so different. One, hopeless and lost, believing he held a monstrous being deep within his innocent helpless exterior, and the other, hopeful and centered, knowing full well the monster the world perceived him as but wished they could see inside to his kinder and gentler soul. So different and yet so similar, the two sat in silence for hours.
Slowly the sun lit room grew redder as the first sun began it's journey down below the horizon. It's brother would soon follow.
Rev's candles began to come into their own as the room grew darker and darker. But in the encroaching darkness, Harper's demons were also coming into their own. All day he had been fighting with that locked box in his mind, constantly kicking one escaping claw after another back into their confinement. Happiness, betrayal, trust, anger, love, shame, all tried to claw their way out of the ever weakening box.
As the alcohol was draining from his body, his mind was becoming clearer and clearer. His demons were getting louder now that the haze of the depressant was fading away. Panic began to overcome Harper and his eyes began to dart around the sparsely furnished cabin hoping to find anything that could bring back his fog engulfed mind. His heart rate increased, as did his breathing, as his desperate visual search came up empty.
More and more hairy and scaly arms reached out of the widening cracks in his box. The never-ending silence and sobriety were fueling the raging demons as the cracks were getting larger and larger and larger....
"AArrrgghhh!!" Harper finally screamed as he leapt up from his day-long sitting fetal position. Still deep in mediation, Rev barely noticed the shattering of the silence. With a wild look of desperation in his eyes, Harper began to tear into any box or container that existed in the one room cabin. Lids, blankets, and sealed containers went flying as the haunted man searched for anything that could sedated his ghosts. "Fuck Rev, I need booze!" Harper cursed as yet another box came up empty.
But Rev didn't respond to the mad man who was destroying his home. He only sat on the floor, meditating. He could sense the boy's frantic search going on behind him and could smell the sweat of fear radiating off of Harper's body. Several bottles went slamming into the wall behind Rev and soon the sound of chirping insects surrounded him. 'Great, there goes dinner,' Rev thought with good natured humor. Still, he sat, unmoving, allowing Harper to work out his anger and frustration on all of his meager belongs.
As each new box or containers shattered against the cabin's wall, a new crack would form in the box in Harper's mind. Arms, heads, and torsos of various monsters now were clawing out of the gaping cracks. As Harper smashed the last useless container to the wall, his box shattered and all of his demons emptied out into his mind at once.
Anger fought with love, trust battled betrayal. Harper's mind was a WW III in the demon world. Each emotion fighting for a moment of his time. Letting out a primal scream, Harper started kicking and throwing whatever was near him. Boxes and glasses went flying and smashing into the now dent covered wooden walls. Then he caught something out of the corner of his ragging eyes...Rev, sitting quietly in mediation, completely ignoring the whirlwind of Hurricane Harper. Harper had just found his emotional outlet.
Trembling with emotion and exhaustion, Harper raced over to Rev, grabbed him by his cloak, lifted his furry body off the ground and pushed him up against the nearby wall. "Booze, drugs, anything!? Where Rev!? I need something...anything!" Harper screamed into the face of the magog.
The only objects that was still calm in the destroyed, chaos filled room were Rev's eyes. "Those things will not help you Master Harper, you know that." He spoke with confidence and safety as the mad man pushed him harder into the wall.
Harper was breathing heavily as sweat glistened on his flushed skin. "Fuck you Rev! They will help! You have to have something! Medicines, plants...hell, I'll even lick a freak'n frog if you got one! I just need something to dull my thoughts...I can't take it...Rev, I just can't take it..." As suddenly as Harper had attacked, he let the monk go and sank to the ground, cradling his head in his trembling hands. The demons had taken over and were now in the middle of a home movie matinee. Images of his parents dieing while protecting him, images of his year with the Pythos, images of the magog attack on Andromeda, images of Beka calling him an ego whore, images of his own hands hammering a spike into Be..."NOOOOO!!!" He yelled out hoping to stop the marathon of pain and heartache.
Rev crouched down next to Harper, making sure to not to encroach on the private boy's personal space. "Harper?" He asked with great concern and gentleness.
"Rev, make it stop, make it all go away, please," he begged as tears choked his throat, his head still buried in his hands.
"Make what stop Harper?" Rev knew Harper had to start verbalizing his traumas. The boy had a tenancy to lock things up, to hid his true feeling from everyone, including himself.
"All of it, the pain, the emotions, the memories. I can't take it any more, too much, to much..." The rocking that had controlled Harper's body all day returned.
Rev looked over at the crumbling man beside. The boy was perched, rocking on the balls of his feet with his knees pulled in tight to his heaving chest while his troubled head was cradled in trembling hands. Silently, Rev sent out a pray to the Devine to protect Harper. He would do what he could, but any help was appreciated. Rev slowly reached out a claw to Harper's swaying shoulder. "Harper, tell me, would you want to give up all the good memories and emotions as well as the bad one?"
Harper stopped his rocking for a moment as he lifted his face from his hands. Staring at the debris covered floor, he thought. Good memories? He tried hard to remember good times, like the time Beka surprised him with a cake on his one year anniversary with her on the Maru. She had gone down to engineer with a cake covered in lit candles to celebrate the day. But Harper, having never had a celebratory cake, freaked out and quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher to put out the cake that he believed was on fire. Unfortunately Beka happened to be holding said cake and got covered in the fire extinguishing foam. Harper fondly remembered them breaking out into laughter anytime they saw a cake now. A small smile desperately wanted to show it's self on Harper's face, but before it could fight its way through, memories of the torturing of Beka overwhelmed the happier times. Would they ever be able to laugh at cakes again after what he did to her? Doubtful.
Not moving his gaze off the debris field Harper finally answered Rev's question. "Good memories just lead to bad ones, they are tainted, now and forever," he whispered with no sign of hope in his voice. He knew that he could never face the others. All he would see was the pain he caused them. "Rev," he spoke in little more than a whisper, "I can't go on like this. All I see and feel is pain. I've hurt my friends, my family...more than I can even imagine. I can never go back. I...I...I don't want to be here anymore, but...promised Tyr...and..." He paused to take a deep shaky break before his whispered, "and I don't deserve death." Harper's head dropped back into his hands before he fell from his unsteady perch on his toes to his knees. His head fell to the ground as his arms came up protectively around it. His body was finally wrenched with pent up broken sobs.
Rev fully sat down next to Harper and placed a claw on Harper's heaving back. There the friendly comforting claw sat while it gently massaged the boy's back in soothing circles...soothing circles that Harper couldn't feel. Minutes passed until finally exhaustion overcame the sobs and Harper passed out.
Gently Rev lifted Harper's lightweight body off the floor and placed him on the mattress. As he covered the boy with the blanket, he whispered, "You're right Harper, you don't deserve death. You deserve to live the wonderful, trouble free life that you only know from your dreams." Quietly he stood up and padded back over to his now destroyed mediation area. There he stood as anger slowly over took him. "Damn you!" He cursed up at his Divine as he kicked an already shattered glass bottle across the room where it shattered even farther. He did not want to except the fate that Harper had been dealt, his Divine should not be that cruel. What purpose was there in giving that boy any more heartache? Taking a deep calming breath, he sat down on the floor and tried to begin to mediate in order to make sense of the madness.
TBC.....