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Chapter 8

Sonora was exhausted as she closed the door to her chambers and could barely manage to shed her robes and don her night attire before staggering to her bed and collapsing. She forgot all mention of Madam Pomphrey's Dreamless Sleep Potion as her head hit the pillow. She was just too tired.

~~~~~~~

In her dreams, she found herself sucked back into the dark trap of her now-familiar nightmares. Two men, faces of hate and fury, fists and feet and sticks flying. And she screamed in pain as one of them shattered the bones in her leg, as another wrenched her arm until something popped.

And then this time, something different happened. In the midst of her pain, her terror, her helplessness she heard a dark rolling laughter, one that sent terrified tremors through her and froze the screams in her throat.

"Soon," a voice whispered. "Very soon." And then one of the men lashed out again, and those frozen cries exploded out of her as the voice laughed again.

~~~~~~~

Severus lay tensely in bed, unable to sleep. By the time they had left the headmaster's office, Sonora's face had been nearly grey with fatigue, bringing to mind that first day he had seen her, bent with pain and weariness after whatever had happened to her.

He rolled over to lie on his stomach, hoping sleep would come. When he had managed to get her down to her chambers, she had been all but swaying on her feet, and he had stood for a long while outside her closed door, listening for any sound that would indicate she struggled getting into bed. He wasn't sure if she would have appreciated it, but he had been fully prepared to burst in and put her in bed himself.

Severus flopped back onto his back again and tossed a bare arm over his forehead. Damn it all. He was too close to the edge with her, too close to loosing what little control he had left. And the last thing he wanted was to burden such a clean soul as Sonora's with the darkness of his own. He smiled grimly. And that was even assuming she wanted him to.

His mind drifted a little, recalling how she'd clung to him in the hospital wing, how she'd struggled to meet his eyes without a faint blush rising up on those softly curved cheeks of hers. If he had intentions in her direction, those signs would have given him hope. As it was… he groaned and rolled over again, burying his face in the pillow. As it was, they served only to torture him.

And then he heard a shrill, thin scream of pain.

~~~~~~~

Sonora was jerked awake by a crash and woke once again to the sound of her screams echoing in the room.

"Illuminate!" a familiar voice commanded harshly and one of the torches flicked on. Gasping, heart pounding, Sonora looked over to see Severus striding toward her, wand in hand.

"What is it? Are you all right?" he demanded, coming to a halt next to her bed.

Confused, Sonora pushed herself to sit in bed and shook her head. "Severus? I… what are you doing in here?"

He stood, still and tense and poised as if ready for attack. "I heard you screaming," he said.

Sonora closed her eyes in humiliated realization. "I forgot the Silencing Charm," she said aloud. She forced herself to look at him again. "I'm sorry, truly. I was just so tired, I forgot…"

Severus scowled, but his body seemed to ease a little. Belatedly Sonora realized he was only half dressed, wearing what looked like some sort of sleeping pant and his chest bare. Heavens, she thought, and flushed.

"You're having nightmares?" he said, in a calmer voice.

Sonora turned her attention down to her coverlet. "Yes, I'm sorry for disturbing you," she tried again. "I am really quite all right, you don't have to worry about me."

There was a snort and she looked up to see Severus set his wand down on her bedside table before taking another long step and leaning over her. He reached out and grasped her chin in one hand, forcing her to look at him. "How long?" he demanded.

Sonora felt a spurt of irrational, irritated anger. "That's none of your concern," she told him, trying to lift her face away. His fingers were firm, however.

He snorted again. "Woman, someone needs to take care of you, as you seem unwilling to do it yourself." His face was rather fierce in the light of the one torch. "How long have you been having nightmares?"

"Since the… accident," she found herself admitting. And hating herself for feeling so shaky, so weak. She despised this weak feeling.

His fingers tightened. "All this time?" he said, sounding angry. "And you have done nothing?"

Sonora scowled at him. "They're just dreams," she snapped back. And uneasily remembered the voice from her nightmares tonight. That hadn't seemed quite dreamlike.

Severus glared at her, face angry and eyes opaque. "Perhaps you haven't been paying attention to what you teach, " he growled. "Dreams indicate a person's state of mind and health. No wonder it took so long for you to heal, if you refused to deal with your dreams."

His eyes took on that odd look, and Sonora felt herself begin to flush against his fingers. "You need to tell me about the attack," he said. And she felt the flush fade and the blood drain from her face.

"I certainly do not," she snapped, once against trying to break free from his grip and dropping her eyes from his. But his fingers were too strong and she was still too weak and tired.

"You do, and you will," he insisted. "I am not leaving until you do."

Sonora's eyes shot back to his, and she stared at him in helpless shock. She did not want to talk about it, not now, not ever. She wanted to forget the whole ugly episode ever happened, forget that someone had felt that kind of hate for her.

She hadn't realized that she'd spoken aloud until she saw his face soften. "There is a great deal of hate in this world, Sonora," he said, voice oddly gentle. "I'm sorry that some of it was turned on you."

"I… no one ever had before," she found herself blurting out. "I mean… I've practiced the Golden Rule since I was young and…"

To her surprise, she saw him smile a little ruefully. "The Golden Rule, hmm?" he said. "That explains a few things." Sonora did not understand what he meant, especially, when he paused and added cryptically, "a few things, but not all."

He shook his head and eased himself to sit on her bed, fingers still holding her chin. His grip had loosened, however, and she could have pulled away easily. But she did not. "Tell me about your attack, Sonora," he said in a quiet voice. "Let me help you heal."

Sonora stared at him in the flickering torchlight, and swallowed. And then the whole ugly incident began to spill out of her. The two men appearing from the dark. How she hadn't realized their intent until the first blow. Her inability to fight back, and then the pain, the incredible pain.

She didn't realize she was crying until his fingers moved up her face to brush at moisture on her face. "You were not to blame, Sonora," he said in a very gentle voice, thumb stroking her cheek.

"'Do unto others'," she choked out. "It must have been my fault."

He shook his head, the feel of his hand against her face the only thing keeping her from breaking down into sobs. "Enough hate can overcome even the Golden Rule," he told her seriously. "Believe me, that kind of darkness is all too real and exists in all too many people." Through her tears, she saw his face darken, and realized he thought of himself.

"Not you," slipped out of her mouth, and saw his eyes jerk back to hers. "You've been too good to me to harbor that kind of hate."

It was almost sadness she saw in his eyes now. "You are too innocent, my dear," he said, voice now sounding thick.

Somehow, that small endearment was what finally broke the floodgates on her tears. Sonora bowed her head as she was unable to stop the first sob. She had not cried since she had awoken in Amar's hut, and now all the terror and pain and anger of the two incidents burst out of her in waves of grief.

He was sitting so close, she was almost expecting it when his arms closed around her. Her fingers came up to curl into his chest, bare skin warm against her touch. Her body shook and shuddered and his tried to shelter and soothe. He pulled her tightly against him, hesitantly at first and then as she reached for his comfort, more surely. His arms wrapped firmly about her, as if to take her trembling into his larger, stronger frame. His head bowed until it touched her own.

And Sonora cried. Tears fled her eyes, sobs shook her body and it was like a purging of all the fear and pain and confusion that she had locked up tightly since that first blow.

When her tears were all spent, she lay against him in exhaustion, feeling so weak. And yet, at the same time, she felt much stronger than she had in the many weeks that had passed since her accident. Her attack, she corrected herself silently. She shouldn't hide from it. Severus was right.

He still held her now, even though she was still and quiet. Sonora began to recognize the warmth and feel of his skin against her hands and face where they pressed against his chest, and felt her face flush. She could even smell the scent of the soap he must have used to shower with earlier. The realization was a surprise and made her shiver.

When he felt her shiver, Severus misunderstood and seemed to believe her to be cold. His arms eased back and he released her. His dark eyes studied her face as she turned her own gaze up to his, rather hesitantly. He frowned as he saw the tears still lingering on her cheeks, and one hand came up to brush them away.

It was when his eyes met hers that it happened. His hand seemed to freeze in place against her cheek and she felt her breath still in her chest. His eyes were dark and wide in the flickering light and she could not have looked away if her life had depended on it. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her lips parted instinctively.

And then he seemed to draw a breath, pulling whatever was hanging in the air between them back into his body and away from her. "You'll be all right now," he said gruffly, dropping his hand and standing. "You'd best sleep again."

Sonora sat where she was, still bewildered by all that had happened in this room tonight as she watched him snatch up his wand and turn toward her bedroom door. The light from the torch slipped over the bare skin of his back and she shivered again at the sight of the unexpectedly smooth muscles there.

"Severus," she managed before he reached the door. He paused and she watched him tense a little before turning to look at her. Sonora forced her eyes up from his bare chest to meet his dark and now hidden gaze. "Thank you," she said quietly.

He smiled, just barely. "'Do unto others'," he murmured. "Sleep, Sonora. And don't worry about the Silencing Charm." And then he turned and left the room.

Sonora sat for another long few minutes, replaying his words in her mind. His touch. What was happening between them, she wondered. In the last few weeks, they'd slowly seemed to build a rapport of sorts. She had expected as much, in truth, they were in such close contact and as always she had tried to live by the Rule. So it would only be logical if Severus had felt some measure of kindness toward her.

But this… this closeness that had sprung up today. She had never felt that in her life, and did not think she could credit the Rule. She thought of the odd look she had not been able to decipher, and realized it went back farther than today, back to when she'd surprised him in the middle of the night with a healing potion. What did it mean, she wondered yet again.

Sonora rubbed her forehead and eased herself down to lie against the pillows again. It was all very confusing, particularly for someone who had spent so much of her life alone. She wished she had someone she could consult, a friend to turn to for advice. But there really wasn't anyone in her life who could fill that position, no one she trusted that much. Dumbledore, perhaps, but she couldn't see herself going to him for advice on the way Severus was looking at her.

Sonora closed her eyes. She needed sleep, and to think on this in the morning. Perhaps she would be lucky and find everything had suddenly become clear with the daylight.

~~~~~~~

Severus' heart was pounding in his ears and his hands were shaking as he let himself back into his bedroom. When he had heard the scream, he had feared the worst, that somehow Sonora was being attacked once again. He hadn't thought, just grabbed his wand and crashed into her bedroom.

Instead of some foe he could stun or hex, he had only found her, tangled in her bedclothes, silky nightdress pulled tightly against her body and eyes wide and wildly frightened. It had been the look in her eyes that had overrode all the warnings his body and brain had fired at him. He could not leave her like that.

Severus laid himself on his bed and closed his eyes. He was scum, not worthy to have those slender hands on his skin, he thought in loathing, thinking of the Dark Mark. She had been sobbing against his chest, and his mind had been filled with how she pressed against him, how the warmth of her slim body soaked through the thin fabric of her nightdress, how her skin had been soft and lightly scented in the dim light.

And he should have known not to try to dry her tears, given his abysmal weakness for her. But he had, and then she had looked at him, those eyes dark and soft and faintly bewildered, and he had watched as they had filled with unknowing awareness and it had about stopped his heart from beating. He groaned. He was amazed he had managed to make it out of her room without crushing that soft mouth under his own and trying to cleanse his soul with hers.

The damnedest part was, he could not even blame it all on the Golden Rule. It certainly explained how Sonora had won over so many people so fast, but this surging need he felt for her…

He needed to be stronger, he thought, punching his pillow in search of elusive sleep. He needed to find a balance where he could protect her and not yet risk her. Severus sighed. And to do that, he would have to keep his hands off her. Somehow.