Chapter 5: What's Eating Mrs. Caufield?
A/N: Yay! I got a drunken hobbit! *winks* Now, what to write, what to write? Oh well, I'll just write and see what comes out!
A/N2: It took Christy all summer to write this chapter. So it better be good!
Disclaimer:
Legolas: *giggles* They, like, own, like, nothing!
Me: Err…right. Haldir, what did you give this elf?!
Haldir: Moi?
Me: Yes, you!
Legolas: *giggles insanely*
Haldir: Nothing…
Legolas: But I'm a cheerleader!
After a looooong night (*winks again*), there was a knock on the door.
"Arg!" I growled at being awoken and pulled something on. (A/N2: Ugh! Nastified!) I walked over to the door and opened it.
"Are y'all coming to breakfast?" she greeted me.
"I think so. I'll have to attempt to wake Merry up," I replied. "I think he drank a little too much last night."
"Yeah, apparently Pippin did too; he has quite a hangover," she confided.
"Well, I'll see you at breakfast," I said and shut the door after she acknowledged.
"Merry! Merry, wake up!" I semi-shouted. (A/N: I know you're not supposed to shout around a person with a hangover, but…we're not gonna go there)
"Huh?" Merry groaned. "Oh! My head hurts!"
"You had too much alcohol last night, dear." I rolled my eyes as I handed him his clothes. "Come on, let's go to breakfast; I'm hungry."
***
Several minutes later we joined everyone at breakfast. Merry and I sat with Vanessa and Strider. It was good that they finally made up. I was tired of all the crap I had to listen to, from Vanessa, about Arwen(ch).
"Morning," Merry and I greeted everyone.
"Morning," they all replied.
(A/N: I have that song by Billy Talent stuck in my head. "Forgive me father, why should you bother now?" He he, I lub that song!)
"You look nice this morning," I complimented Vanessa, who was sitting across from me.
She raised an eyebrow but only said, "Thanks."
Aragorn wasn't as subtle though. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I dunno. I'm being 'nice'! It's scary!" I replied.
"Let me feel your forehead and see if you have a fever," Vanessa joked and did so. "Nope, no fever. But I still think you're sick."
"Yep," I grinned. "Sick in the head."
"Got that right!" Alex agreed and threw a grape at me.
"Shut up!" I retorted and threw one back at him. (A/N2: We really did have a grape fight on the last day of school. Except, me and him started it.)
Just then (in the middle of our grape fight) Merry yawned and asked where the caffeine was (A/N: I taught him well!)
"What's wrong, little man?" Alex asked.
Merry scowled at him for calling him 'little man' and replied, "Christy kept me up all night."
"Oh! I understand!" Alex cried. "I guess there is an advantage to being short, huh?"
"Alex," I said calmly.
"Yes?"
"Shut up before I hit you!" I yelled and he immediately did as he was told.
"She kept singing Beatles songs last night (A/N: And you thought I was being dirty!)," Merry informed him.
"That's what happened when I get drunk apparently, but I don't know; I don't remember," I protested in my defense. "I never remember what happens." (A/N: OK, so maybe I was being dirty! As I have said to many people, 'I guess you'll never know!') I smiled. "Let's eat. I'm hungry.
After we finished eating, we sat and talked with the others.
"Oh my gosh, Vanessa, is that who I think it is?!" I asked.
She turned around. "It is! It's Mrs. Caufield!"
"Who's Mrs. Caufield?" Aragorn asked.
"Our Skills for Living (A/N2: For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically home Ec.) teacher from 8th grade!" Vanessa answered.
"Whom you asked if her 50 year old husband had a 6-pack!" I added, laughing.
"What?!" Aragorn demanded.
"She was stuck on the fact that Lurtz had a 6-pack."
"He tried to kill me and you were looking at his abs?!"
"Well…yes. Anyway, hey, Christy lets go say hi."
"Alright," I replied and we walked over.
"Oh, hello girls," Mrs. Caufield greeted us.
"Hi, Mrs. C.," Vanessa responded. "We were in your class a few years back." Mrs. Caufield smiled politely, showing that she did not remember us. We were the terrors of her 6th period class that year. We talked constantly and, according to her, knew every Broadway song in existence.
"Mrs. Caufield, Vanessa has a question she wishes to ask you," I told our former teacher and muttered, "again." The teacher just smiled and nodded.
"Uhh…Ms. Caufield…does your husband have a 6-pack?"
"Why, no, he doesn't," she answered, puzzled. Then it clicked as to who we were. "AAAAHHH! You're back! My therapist said you were just figments of my mind! (A/N: Ha! I quoted Daniel Jackson (Stargate SG-1) without even trying. It's from the eppie where everyone thinks he's nuts!) "Ahh!" she screamed once again and ran away, the fastest I have ever seen anyone move (and I've seen Kits around food!), presumably back to her cabin.
"Ok, that went well," I commented sarcastically as we walked back to our friends, all of whom were laughing.
"Oh my gosh, that was funny!" Kitty said, shoving a full pancake into her mouth. (A/N: I'm sure should could. If she can do it with a hamburger, why not a pancake!)
"Thanks," Vanessa said, rolling her eyes at Kitty's eating habits.
"You're welcome," Kitty returned, shoveling in another pancake.
***
(A/N: At this time, I am going to bend the space-time continuum for my purposes. I can do this because it has been pointed out before, that this a fan fiction)
That night we girls locked ourselves in Courtney and Vanessa's room for the Stargate SG-1 season premier. We left the guys to entertain themselves. Most of them went to the bar but some of them stayed behind to keep underage Alex Company.
Before the season premier there was a show called 'Stargate: The Lowdown.' This mockumentary was great with Michael Shanks showing off his weight-lifting skills. It drove Kitty, Me, and to some extent Courtney, wild, because we love Michael (he has big muscles!). About half the way through the show the rest of the guys came back to Alex and Co.'s room, loaded with booze for them.
"Christy? Kitty? Vanessa? Courtney?" Alex called as he knocked on out door (it was still locked).
"What is this? Roll call?" I asked sarcastically as I opened the door.
"I was wondering if y'all wanted this alcohol," he answered. "But if you don't want it, I'll take it back…"
"Oh no you don't!" we all screamed.
"All the guys would give me to give to y'all was wine coolers. Is that OK? There's some non-alcohol for Kitty," Alex said as he handed the wince coolers to us.
"Yep! Its alcohol," Vanessa assured him with a maniac gleam in her eye. "We'll take it!"
"OK, thanks Alex. Now GO AWAY!" Kitty told him and locked the door. "Stargate comes on in 5 minutes."
"OK, gimme that wine cooler! Hurry!" I exclaimed and promptly sat down in front of the TV and leaned back on the coffee table. Kitty pushed me over slightly and sat down next to me.
Soon, it was time.
"Screw that old fart!" Kitty screamed at the TV. "Where's Daniel?!" Her question was soon answered.
"EEEEEEEE!!!!" Kitty and I yelled at the top of our lungs.
"What happened?" Legolas demanded to know, about a split second after we started screaming, pounding on the door.
Vanessa opened it and the fellowship and Alex rushed in, and then rolled their eyes when they saw it was just Kitty and me drooling over Stargate.
"OK," Boromir said as the guys were filing back out. "We're going back to our party with those half-dressed girls."
"That' nice," Kitty and I commented, not really listening, as we were still thinking about what we had just seen. Michael Shanks has about the nicest body I have ever seen! He is built in all the right places. (A/N2: OK, I'd just like to let you know that I, Vanessa, don't like Michael Shanks. I think he's a nerd.)
"It didn't even faze them," Aragorn muttered to Legolas as the guys went back to drinking (with no girls).
***
"See ya later," I said as I opened the door and started to leave, and then stopped cold.
"What is it?" Vanessa asked.
"Shh!" I whispered and pointed down the hall. "Look at Alex!"
"I'll be right…uh, right back…" Alex slurred to the rest of the men as he staggered into the hall, wearing a lamp shade as a hat and what looked like a bed sheet as a toga.
"Oh my gosh!" Vanessa whispered. "What a fag!"
"To quote Daniel, 'I do the bidding of Baal, shut up!'" I whispered back and started following Alex down the hall. "Are you coming?"
"Yes!" Kitty, Courtney and Vanessa exclaimed quietly and ran with me.
"Ugh!" Alex grunted as he tripped on the last stair up to the deck. He got up and continued staggering.
"Look at him go!" Kitty laughed. "He's so drunk!"
"Where's he going now?" Courtney asked. "Uh-oh, he's going to the bow! Is anyone else thinking what I am?"
"What?" Kitty asked.
"Shh! Look!" I said.
Alex stepped up on the bars and shouted, very Leonardo DiCaprio-like, "I'm king of the world! Whoo-hoo!"
The four of us cracked up, rather loudly.
"Huh?" Alex asked, getting down and turning around. "Oh boy, I didn't know you guys were there…"
"Obviously," I retorted, still laughing. I went over to him and put my arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's take you home."
"OK," he said, looking very much like a lost 2-year old.
***
"Alright, boys! Party's over!" Kitty exclaimed. "I want my husband back and this room cleaned up! Also, I want you to be quiet so I can sleep. Then, go to your rooms!"
"Yes, ma'am," they saluted. They too were wearing togas much like Alex's; it was quite a sight.
"Wow," Vanessa whispered. "They're all drunk and Kitty's in full mother mode!"
"Scary, isn't it?" I said back.
"Yep," Courtney agreed.
A/N: Whoo! That took me all summer to write! LOL! I had the spiral all summer so yeah. I made sure I didn't write it all at once so I'd have something to do. Vanessa and I start school tomorrow, so I can finally write my A/N. He he he. I really like this chappie. Nessa apparently likes it too if her notes are any sign. Just don't forget to review!
A/N2: Actually, we're already in school. We've been in school for like 3 weeks now. And I don't like to type up any notes that we write. I dunno, mainly because most of them are inside jokes that would take WAY too much time to explain. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It sure did. Well, up until the point when I had to type it all! LOL. Well, please review and feed Aiden!