Madame Morte – Not to worry, you'll get a little more Harry in the future. Not a lot, mind, but a little. J And I think you'll like him a little better…

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Chapter 10

Severus was not at dinner that evening, and so Sonora did not get the opportunity to speak to him. She wondered if he'd had to leave, to do his spy work, and suppressed a shiver at the thought. She hadn't really considered what he did before, not really. She'd found him suffering from cruciatus that one evening, and then never considered what that truly meant.

She moved restlessly about the classroom, already having banished all the flowers to her bedroom. She did not need them cluttering up the classroom. She tried not to focus on the idea that he could be in danger right at this moment. It was something he clearly believed important, believed could help, she told herself. Voldemort was not something anyone would take lightly.

Sonora turned as the classroom door opened and watched as Draco Malfoy walked stiffly in. "Professor," he said in a stilted voice.

"Mr. Malfoy," she said, studying him. He had been through a rough day, she imagined. And it was only the first of many. She felt a welling of pity for the boy.

She limped back to her desk. "Have a seat, Mr. Malfoy," she said, gesturing as she sank into her own chair. She waited until he sat, not meeting her eyes. "Tell me, Draco," she said gently, "why did you try to hurt me?"

His eyes shot up to hers in startled astonishment and he stared. "I… ma'am?" he stammered. He looked afraid, she realized. He truly had not expected to be asked that question. Sonora felt another wave of pity, this time for an upbringing that had never forced this boy to take a clear look at himself and his actions.

"I'm not going to penalize you for answering my question, Draco," she said in a soft voice. She kept her eyes on his. "But I do need to know why."

The answer seemed to be torn out of him, voice raising as he spoke. "Because you took house points away! And gave me detention, and we didn't have Professor Snape anymore!" He glared at her. "And you wanted me to be nice to Potter!"

"I see," she said slowly, watching his confused and angry face. Then, "Tell me, Draco, did I take house points from Gryffindor?"

"Yes," he muttered, dropping his head.

"Did I give Mr. Potter detention?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, voice getting lower.

"Did I want Mr. Potter to be nice to you?" she said quietly. He didn't say anything. "Mr. Malfoy, the one thing I have been trying to teach my students this year is that no one person is better than another. Now," she held up a hand as his eyes shot up to hers. "I realize that some people believe most firmly that they are superior to others. Pure blood versus Muggle blood." She gazed steadily at the boy. "I understand that is how you were raised. And I can respect your right to your beliefs. What I cannot respect is when your beliefs cause injury to others, by word or by deed."

The boy seemed to be closing in on himself so Sonora gave a silent sigh and resolved to try again another time. "You will have a difficult time for the remainder of the year, Draco," she said instead. "Word has gotten out about the terms of your probation, and I will caution you to be very careful. There are some who would love to see you fail."

Draco mumbled something under his breath. "What was that, Mr. Malfoy?" she said. "Speak clearly."

Draco glared at a point above her head. "Potter and Weasley," he said in a clear voice.

Sonora inclined her head. "Do they have reason to wish you gone?" she said, and then moved on as if the question was rhetorical. "You will report to me three nights a week. I shall have you assist with preparing for upcoming classes, and occasionally you'll help with my research."

That seemed to catch him off guard. Sonora gave him a faint smile. "You seem to have steady hands and a knack for Potions," she said. "I feel you will be able to be useful in my latest efforts." It remained to be seen if he could be trusted to know what he would be assisting in, however.

She reached over and picked up a slender volume she'd selected from her private collection. "Finally, I would like for you to do some reading for me," she said. She laid the book on the edge of her desk. "This is a book I was given when I first began to study Potions seriously. I feel you will benefit a great deal from it." A Pinch of Philosophy, the spine read. Sonora smiled, remembering when Dumbledore had given her the book. He thought she might find it useful, he'd said with a smile, and so she had. Beyond the tantalizing bits about the Golden Rule, it had been filled with philosophical origins of various potions, and over the years she had found herself returning to the little, worn volume when she found herself stuck.

"I will look forward to discussing your reading with you next time," she said. She indicated the book with one hand. "This is all I have for you tonight. You may go."

Draco seemed to look at her in cautious disbelief. Sonora gave him a gentle smile. "I believe you will understand eventually," she said and then nodded at the book. "Don't forget that."

She turned to the pile of essays on the origins of the Skele-Grow potion and began to read, pretending not to notice as Draco sat for a moment longer, eyeing her uncertainly before slowly getting up and taking the book from her desk, and then quickly walking out of the classroom.

Sonora lowered the essay she was pretending to read once he was gone. "I hope this works," she said aloud. For his sake, if not her own. In Draco, she had a chance to confront her attacker and try to distill the anger that had prompted it. If she could just make this difference, perhaps her own nightmares would be banished.

~~~~~~~

Severus had not appeared by the time Sonora finished marking essays and went to bed. Lurid images of what he could be doing insisted on flitting through her head, and as a result, she only managed to doze fitfully through the night. Finally, in the wee dark hours of the morning she gave up the attempt to get a good night of sleep, and instead got out of bed, thankful that the next day was the weekend and there were no classes.

Yawning, she made her way out of her room, robe pulled tight over her nightclothes, and settled into her office. She would look over her notes on her latest failure, she thought. Perhaps the odd hour would lend some inspiration on just what she was doing wrong.

Sonora unlocked the side drawer on her desk with a flick of her wand and a murmured incantation, and pulled out her notes. She tapped the pile of parchment with a murmured revealeamus and waited for the writing to appear. She'd gotten used to taking great precautions to keep her work secret over the years, and this project was no different. In fact, it probably deserved more safe-guards than anything else she'd done, she thought as she picked up the first sheet. But simply being in Hogwarts should be sufficient additional precaution.

She was halfway through the stack, marking notes to herself in the margins when she heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stone hallway. Her quill froze in midair as she listened. For some reason, her breath became short as she waited for the classroom door to open.

It creaked open as the steps came inside the classroom, followed by a softly muttered curse. Sonora stared at the doorway of her office and waited, heart beginning to pound with uneasy anticipation.

Sure enough, Severus appeared in the doorway seconds later, the shadows beneath his eyes deep. "What are you doing up?" he demanded harshly. "Dammit, woman, go to bed! You need to sleep!"

Sonora set her notes down, not even looking where she was placing them as she rose from her chair. She fumbled for her cane as she studied his face. There was a streak of what looked like dirt or blood along one cheek… "I couldn't sleep," she said absently, beginning to limp toward him. "Severus, are you…"

She cut off with a gasp as he seemed to stagger a little and catch himself against the doorframe. "Merlin," she said in a whisper, moving as fast as she could. She was suddenly afraid for him. "What did they do?" He always seemed so strong, to see him actually displaying weakness…

He seemed to take a deep breath and straighten. "Nothing I can't handle," he said. "Go to bed, Sonora."

She ignored him and reached out to lay a hand on his chest. "Personalis diagnosticus," she murmured and then resisted the urge to reel as the extent of his pain bombarded her. "How are you still standing?" she whispered, resisting the urge to cry as her mind comprehended how much he hurt.

"I am fine," he said again, voice sounding a little gruff. "Sonora…"

She shook her head firmly. "No. Sit down, Severus, and let me take care of you."

"I don't need…" he began.

"Dammit, Severus, just sit!" she shouted, nearly in tears. She needed to ease his pain. He seemed a little staggered at her outburst and stared down at her. "Please," she said, struggling to regain her calm. Her hands clenched and unclenched once with the overwhelming urge to simply fling her arms about him and hold him until he was well.

Slowly he reached out and laid a hand on her cheek for a fleeting instant, leaving a burningly warm spot in its wake. "Very well," he said quietly. She took a step back and he moved a little haltingly to sit in her office chair, sinking down into the cushions with an expression of ill-concealed relief.

Sonora took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. "Tell me what hurts, Severus," she said quietly, beginning to summon bottles from her private stores.

He gazed at her through hooded eyes. "I suspect I have a broken rib or two," he said. "And of course, cruciatus."

Sonora shuddered to herself and began with the blue bottle. "Drink this first," she said, unstoppering it and holding it out.

Severus frowned at her. "You need to sit," he said. Sonora resisted the unusual urge to beat him over the head with a large blunt object as he tugged the footstool out from under her desk with a grimace, positioned it directly in front of him and pointed at it. "Sit there."

She glared at him. "I'm taking care of you, here, so I give the orders." That said, she limped over and sat, but only because her leg was tired. Not because he'd said to do so. She held out the blue bottle again. "Drink it all," she ordered.

His fingers brushed hers as he took it, sending a jolt through her. "Is this the same as you gave me before?" he asked.

"I'll write you a recipe tomorrow, but tonight just drink it!" she snapped, turning to snatch up the next bottle.

She wasn't sure, but she thought she might have caught a smothered smile as Severus lifted the bottle to his lips and drained it. Jerk, she thought in exasperation. All she was trying to do was take care of his pain, and he was laughing?

She glared as he lowered the bottle and held it out to her. "Whatever that is, my compliments," he said, suddenly perfectly serious. She felt her ire fade. "I've not had anything that worked so well on that particular curse." She stared up at him for a moment before dropping her eyes. What was it about this man that sent her normally steady emotions flying about like bats?

Sonora took a quick breath and thought of her research, and hoped she would soon be able to give him something even better. She held out the ruby red bottle. "This is Quick Heal Potion," she said softly. "Another by-product of my research. You should be able to direct it to where you feel the pain."

His eyebrows rose, but he laid the empty blue bottle in her palm before taking the red one. He lifted it to his lips and swallowed three large gulps before closing his eyes. "It's… cool," he murmured. "Astonishing." Sonora sat in silence, watching anxiously as the potion did its work.

Severus sighed and opened his eyes. "Thank you," he said. "That potion was… most effective."

She smiled a little. "I know." His eyes remained on hers and she felt her smile begin to fade. "Severus," she said quietly, before she lost her nerve. "Tell me what happened to you tonight."

At that, his expression closed up. "Don't ask me that," he said in an emotionless voice.

"Why?" she asked, not looking away. Some part of her had warned her not to ask this question, not if she wanted to stay as she was. But another part had whispered he needed her to ask.

"You don't want to know," he said. "And I do not want to tell you."

Sonora bit her lip nervously. "Severus," she said in a soft voice. "You are probably right. I don't want to know, and I'm sure you don't want to tell me. But," she leaned forward and without thinking laid a hand on his knee, "I think I need to know, and even more, you need to tell me."

Severus looked down to where her hand was resting on his knee. Sonora flushed bright red but left it there. She gripped his leg a little tighter, feeling the tensed muscles beneath her fingers. She knew, as surely as she knew herself, that he never spoke of these things with anyone. Not even to Dumbledore. Sonora waited. She could wait all day, if that was what it took. But he was not leaving her office without telling her.

"The Dark Lord was… displeased with my lack of progress on a certain matter," he finally said. "His anger is usually released by another's pain. This time, mine." He gave a harsh laugh. "He was displeased enough that cruciatus was not enough. When I lay at his feet, he deigned to use his feet to further express himself."

Sonora's hand tightened on his knee. "How much danger are you in, Severus?" she asked in a low voice. Her heart was trembling inside her. "How strong a chance is there that next time you won't return?"

Severus' eyes shot to hers, looking startled. "There's always that chance," he said, not seeming to think about it. "Always the chance of making a mistake, of someone betraying me, or of finally angering him too much."

Sonora took a deep breath. "Then, Severus, I have to tell you that you were wrong last night, when you claimed to be one of those people of darkness." He was looking faintly astonished. She shook her head slowly. "The choice you've made… only someone full of light could have made it."

Humbled by how much he was risking, she bent and laid her head down next to her hand on his knee, weary and worried and trying to find a little of that famed Gryffindor courage.

"Sonora," his voice said above her, sounding thick. His hand hesitantly touched her head. "Sonora…"

She merely closed her eyes and remained where she was. He was healed and whole again, and she could feel the strength and warmth of him beneath her cheek. She could draw courage from just that fact alone.

His hand moved slowly, and he stroked her hair. His touch soothed something inside her. His fingers lingered and he slowly traced one ear, the curve of her cheek, before settling back to stroking her hair again.

Sonora felt a warmth, a softness building inside her. She was back in that moment from last night, when the entire world had hung and stilled as they had looked into each other's eyes. Sitting here with her eyes closed, she felt it again.

Half frightened of the silence, Sonora dared to open her eyes and glance up. Severus was sitting with his own eyes closed as his hand moved gently over his hair. She stared at his face. He looked like… he was in pain, some kind of pain that he was savoring, not rejecting.

Something inside Sonora began to beat very hard, and she acted before she could think about it. Using her hand on his knee to push herself up, she sat up quickly and leaned forward. Severus only had time to open his eyes in startled surprise before she had leaned up and pressed her lips to his.

At that touch, Sonora felt her heart stop beating. He was still a bare second before a strangled sound came from his throat and his arms swept tightly about her. She was pulled close, up against him, hauled nearly into his lap as he kissed her in return. She had begun the kiss, he took it over in turn. His lips were warm and hard and demanding against hers and something in her burst free and began to soar as she kissed him back, her own mouth moving clumsily but so eagerly against his. Her skin seemed to heat from the warmth of his body, his mouth against her own, and it made her crave being closer.

And then he wrenched his head back, pulling away from her lips while still imprisoning her in his arms. "Why?" he asked hoarsely, eyes dark and desperate as he stared down at her. "Why did you do that?"

Sonora gaped at him, her breath coming quickly. "Because… I wanted to," she said in bewilderment, breath trembling. "I… did you not want me to?" Some part of her shriveled at the thought.

A groan seemed to be caught in his throat. "Not want… Gods, woman, I want you. But you shouldn't have."

Sonora jerked a little in his arms, as the words struck her through the haze of desire. "Why?" she demanded, suddenly angry. "You tell me why."

He seemed to be struggling with himself, and for the first time, Sonora had no urge to help him with it. She wanted to see him answer her, all on his own. "Because," he finally said, before turning his head away broodingly.

Squirming a little, she freed a hand and reached up to turn his face back to hers. "You look me in the eyes and tell me," she ordered, staring up at him. "Explain to me why I shouldn't have kissed you."

The answer seemed torn from him, face and eyes furious even as he held her so close. "Because I'm tainted, damn it! Tainted with the Dark Mark, and the Dark Lord's power. You shouldn't come anywhere near me." His voice was rough and angry, and she could see the self-condemnation in his eyes.

She glared up at him. "Shut up," she told him, ignoring the way his jaw dropped at her words. "I'm tired of hearing what a bad, bad person you are, Severus. You might be cranky at times, you might ride your students in a fit of bad temper, you might even purposefully alienate your fellow professors. But you are not bad. You are not 'tainted'." After all these weeks of cautious friendliness, after his constant wary protection of her, after the trauma of the previous night, she had come to this moment. And she would be damned if she let him wriggle away from it on account of mistaken pride.

"Too much time around me could be dangerous," he broke in. Some part of Sonora found it fascinating that they were having this conversation while she was held tightly in his arms, perched in his lap. "You do not want to be brought to the Dark Lord's attention, Sonora. And I don't want you there."

Somewhat to her surprise, Sonora found herself smiling, feeling the bravery and light well up inside her. "Are you going to mention me to Lord Voldemort?" she asked. He just stared down at her, a spark of disbelief in his eyes. Those amazing eyes, that seemed to draw her in until she was nearly drowned in them. "I didn't think so. And if someone else does, there's nothing we can do about that. And I'm afraid you can't escape from being around me, Severus. Not when we share a classroom, share a school, and not when you go out of your way to take care of me."

"That's what you're doing now, you know," she said, voice gentling as her heart welled. "Trying to take care of me, protect me." She laid her hand on his cheek, thrilling at the warmth beneath her fingertips. "And I thank you for it. But some things," she said, stroking her fingers over the roughness of his cheek, "I do not need protecting from."

Once again it was she who reached up and initiated the kiss. And once again, it was he who capitulated and proceeded to sweep her away with the heat and strength of his mouth over hers. It was ravenous, as if he were starved and she his only food. It was desperate, as if he were afraid she would disappear any moment and leave him. And it was at the same time so wondering, so amazed, the way his lips pressed and parted hers, the way his tongue stroked and tasted her own, as if he were afraid it was all a dream. When he pulled back this time, it was to bury his face in the crook of her neck.

She curled her fingers into his hair, ignoring the stench of sweat and dirt and blood as she did. "I draw great comfort from you, you know," she said to him, cheek against the top of his head. "Just from you being near me. Your strength, it… makes me feel brave."

He shuddered against her. "I will not forgive myself if you come to harm," he finally said, voice muffled against her skin.

She closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his hair. "Nothing will happen to me," she said, her words a solemn promise.

~~~~~~~

Severus sat a very long time as he was, somewhat uncomfortably positioned in Sonora's office chair. He wouldn't have moved for the world, however, not with the way she was curled into him. Her breathing was slow and even, as she slept with her head against his chest.

Carefully, so not to wake her, he brushed back loose tendrils of her hair, glossy in the dim light and still coiled against the back of her head. She sighed in her sleep, and seemed to press closer to him.

Severus bent his head and pressed his lips to her forehead. His decision had been made for him. He could not have turned away from the sweetness of her arms if the Dark Lord himself had been standing over him. He felt a welling of guilt that he had let her touch him, hold him. Despite what she said, he knew the truth. The truth was his was a foul and ugly soul, and he shouldn't have seized what she had offered.

Carefully, he shifted his arms about her and lifted her as he stood. The slippery folds of her nightdress slid over one arm and sent a surge through his body. He breathed deeply, smelling that faint fragrance she wore.

He carried her through into her bedroom, and very gently laid her down in her bed. She'd moved all the flowers into this room, and now it was like a Muggle fairytale, laying the maiden down in her bower. He arranged her pillows, her covers, placed her cane in its usual spot. Unable to resist, he traced his fingertips along the curve of her cheek, over her lips, and down the column of her neck. There he forced himself to stop. What if she woke in the morning and regretted the whole thing?

Backing away slowly, he kept his eyes on her until he was out the door. Drawing a deep breath, he straightened her chair, tucking the footstool back underneath. As he did so, his eyes fell on the stacks of paper on her desk. He merely glanced at them, assuming them to be student essays until his eye was caught by the word crucio.

Severus frowned and skimmed his gaze down the top page. It appeared to be her notes on whatever it was she was researching. Caught up by a sudden sense of unexpected honor, he turned away. He'd ask her to show him, sometime, he wouldn't force a confidence from her by snooping through her papers.

Still, he was intrigued by what he'd read. Was Sonora trying to find an antidote of sorts to the Unforgivable curse?

His mind then jumped back to the sight of her lying peacefully in her bed, and his heart constricted. What was he doing? How could he risk her? Sooner or later he would be uncovered as a traitor, and then his life would be worthless. How could he take the chance that she would be pulled down by the Dark Lord as well?

Another image flashed through his mind, this time of Sonora's determined face as she shouted at him to sit and let her take care of him. As she had laid her head on his knee, nearly breaking his heart with the beauty of her gesture. As she had looked into his eyes and swore that nothing would happen to her.

Nothing would, he silently affirmed. He wouldn't let it. His mind began to turn over possibilities, ways to protect her until it came to a halt. Elegantly simple and yet so complex, he thought. He didn't even know if it could be done.

Severus crossed the classroom and pulled down a small book. Lighting the fire he began to flip pages. He would protect her, no matter what the morning brought.