(This wasn't supposed to happen quite so fast but there I was, sitting in the staffroom during a free lesson trying to concentrate on Twelfth Night and wham - the next part of this silliness crashed into my head and Shakespeare was forced to take a back seat. Sorry Will.)
Cassandra was on a mission. The purple dye had taken best part of a week to fade and it had taxed her ingenuity to the limit to mask the fact her skin had taken on an un-natural hue. Cass fully appreciated that there was no way Jack could have managed his little 'trick' single handed and suspicion naturally fell on Sam as his accomplice. But that would have to wait. Okay so Sam had to have mixed the purple stain and created the Bath Bomb, she would only have done so under pressure from him. Sam was her friend. Jack on the other hand... And he wasn't the only person with friends who knew their way around a chem. Lab, oh no. Her plan was forming. It was going to be good. Guaranteed.
The opportunity to deploy the latest weapon in her arsenal presented itself several weeks later at a barbeque, long enough for Jack to have dropped his guard and assume he was in the clear.
Jack had clearly gone missing off world [Paradise Lost], although no-one said as much to her, but Cass could read their faces, she knew them all too well and they had been concerned, more than concerned that this time he might not be coming back. Cass knew better. This was Jack, indestructible Colonel O'Neil. He'd been missing presumed dead before, plenty of befores. He always came back.
A celebratory barbeque had been thrown at Jacks to welcome him home, he had the best yard by far and cooked the meanest burger and, best of all, he let Cass have a beer. He was almost treating her like a grown up. Almost. Cass presumed, cynically, it was his way of saying game over.
Not this game.
Shortly before leaving for home, after a very enjoyable evening amongst all her closest and dearest friends, Cass excused herself and on route for the bathroom made a brief detour to Jack's bedroom where, as anticipated, she found the small sports bag he used to carry personal items, clothes etc., to and from the base. Perfect. She unzipped the bag and dropped in her 'gift'.
Mission accomplished.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jonas stepped out of the shower into a deserted locker room. Jack and Teal'c were both speed showerers whereas Jonas liked to take his time which had the knock on effect of being able to dress in peaceful surroundings without the rather boisterous humour of the Colonel. He opened his locker and reached in for his can of spray-on deodorant. Squirt, squirt. Nothing. Empty. With a muttered curse he threw the can in the nearby bin. Not wanting to go without for any length of time, the base could be pretty hot at times and he didn't wish to offend anyone, Jonas popped open the door on Jack's locker and borrowed a quick squirt from his.
"The results do, I believe sir, show potential for a mining operation, the naquada vein is richer than almost all the others we've surveyed," Sam was speaking to the assembled group in the briefing room.
Jonas slipped quietly into a seat at the far end of the table with a quick, apologetic grimace to her. He hadn't meant to be so long in the commissary, but a man has to eat.
"So our scintillating trip to the most boring planet yet was not in vain, and yes people, pun intended," said Jack.
Sam and Jonas both rolled their eyes at the CO's joke.
"I'd like to suggest an exploratory bore hole, just to confirm our findings sir," Sam continued, addressing General Hammond.
"Agreed Major. Anything else?" he asked.
"No sir, I'm done."
"Well hallelujah," muttered Jack under his breath. Mineral surveys, naquada mining didn't exactly float his boat.
"Dismissed people," concluded General Hammond, choosing to ignore Jack's comments. "Your next mission is in thirty six hours."
"Yes sir," they dutifully chorused.
"So," said Jack, slouching back in his seat. "How are we gonna fill our down time?"
"Well I have..." began Sam.
"Oh let me guess," said Jack. "Some fascinating science project awaits."
"Yes sir."
"Boring." As he was talking Jack was slowly becoming aware of something, something unusual creeping up the receptors in his nose. He glanced around. What in the hell was it? "Can anybody else smell something, well, funky?" he asked.
"Now you come to mention it sir," confirmed Sam. "I noticed something a few moments ago."
"Where is it coming from?" wondered Jack. He took a long look round the briefing room. Nothing unusual there.
The smell was getting stronger. Nastier too.
"Okay, there is something definitely wrong here people," he said. "It smells like something has died."
Teal'c took a long look round, inhaling as he went. "I believe the smell is coming from Jonas Quinn," he announced.
"Me?" Jonas looked confused. "I don't think so Teal'c, I've just showered."
Jack moved closer to the younger man. "Whoa!" he pulled back. "T's right Jonas, you smell. Real BAD!"
"I don't understand," he stood up, waving his arms around and the rest of the team took several involuntary steps back. All were breathing through their mouths, trying not to gag.
"Jonas, don't move," Jack ordered. "Do not, under any circumstances wave your arms about like that or you'll put us all in the infirmary."
"But Colonel I just showered, you know, you were there."
"I know Jonas," Jack found a handkerchief in his pocket and stuffed it over his mouth. "But I also know you need to go shower again. Now."
"Yes sir." Jonas was mortified, he had absolutely no idea why he should be responsible for such a distressing smell, it was all so painfully embarrassing, he just wanted to die.
"Go," Jack pointed.
Jonas went.
Going down the stairs from the briefing room he happened to meet Janet coming up.
"Hello Jonas, oh my Lord!! What ever is that smell?" Janet stepped smartly back, almost losing her footing and falling over the railing. Without thinking Jonas reached out to steady her and Janet found herself almost wishing she had taken the dive. "What have you done?" she managed to gasp without gagging.
"I have no idea, I'm going to shower."
"Good idea, very good idea," Janet ran up the last of the stairs out of harms way.
All the way back to the locker room Jonas cringed with horror as people reeled out of his way, stunned by the noxious smell he was giving off. This had to be the single most embarrassing experience of his entire life and he had absolutely no idea what had caused it. He only hoped an even longer shower would rectify the situation.
It was only when he eventually stepped out of the searing hot shower, once again wrapped in a towel and once again remembered that he was still out of deodorant that the penny finally dropped. It had to be. It was the only explanation. But why would the Colonel have a canister of deodorant that caused such an unfortunate smell in his locker? Jonas shook his head, there were times when he doubted he would ever understand humans and this was one of those times.
Cassandra was on a mission. The purple dye had taken best part of a week to fade and it had taxed her ingenuity to the limit to mask the fact her skin had taken on an un-natural hue. Cass fully appreciated that there was no way Jack could have managed his little 'trick' single handed and suspicion naturally fell on Sam as his accomplice. But that would have to wait. Okay so Sam had to have mixed the purple stain and created the Bath Bomb, she would only have done so under pressure from him. Sam was her friend. Jack on the other hand... And he wasn't the only person with friends who knew their way around a chem. Lab, oh no. Her plan was forming. It was going to be good. Guaranteed.
The opportunity to deploy the latest weapon in her arsenal presented itself several weeks later at a barbeque, long enough for Jack to have dropped his guard and assume he was in the clear.
Jack had clearly gone missing off world [Paradise Lost], although no-one said as much to her, but Cass could read their faces, she knew them all too well and they had been concerned, more than concerned that this time he might not be coming back. Cass knew better. This was Jack, indestructible Colonel O'Neil. He'd been missing presumed dead before, plenty of befores. He always came back.
A celebratory barbeque had been thrown at Jacks to welcome him home, he had the best yard by far and cooked the meanest burger and, best of all, he let Cass have a beer. He was almost treating her like a grown up. Almost. Cass presumed, cynically, it was his way of saying game over.
Not this game.
Shortly before leaving for home, after a very enjoyable evening amongst all her closest and dearest friends, Cass excused herself and on route for the bathroom made a brief detour to Jack's bedroom where, as anticipated, she found the small sports bag he used to carry personal items, clothes etc., to and from the base. Perfect. She unzipped the bag and dropped in her 'gift'.
Mission accomplished.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jonas stepped out of the shower into a deserted locker room. Jack and Teal'c were both speed showerers whereas Jonas liked to take his time which had the knock on effect of being able to dress in peaceful surroundings without the rather boisterous humour of the Colonel. He opened his locker and reached in for his can of spray-on deodorant. Squirt, squirt. Nothing. Empty. With a muttered curse he threw the can in the nearby bin. Not wanting to go without for any length of time, the base could be pretty hot at times and he didn't wish to offend anyone, Jonas popped open the door on Jack's locker and borrowed a quick squirt from his.
"The results do, I believe sir, show potential for a mining operation, the naquada vein is richer than almost all the others we've surveyed," Sam was speaking to the assembled group in the briefing room.
Jonas slipped quietly into a seat at the far end of the table with a quick, apologetic grimace to her. He hadn't meant to be so long in the commissary, but a man has to eat.
"So our scintillating trip to the most boring planet yet was not in vain, and yes people, pun intended," said Jack.
Sam and Jonas both rolled their eyes at the CO's joke.
"I'd like to suggest an exploratory bore hole, just to confirm our findings sir," Sam continued, addressing General Hammond.
"Agreed Major. Anything else?" he asked.
"No sir, I'm done."
"Well hallelujah," muttered Jack under his breath. Mineral surveys, naquada mining didn't exactly float his boat.
"Dismissed people," concluded General Hammond, choosing to ignore Jack's comments. "Your next mission is in thirty six hours."
"Yes sir," they dutifully chorused.
"So," said Jack, slouching back in his seat. "How are we gonna fill our down time?"
"Well I have..." began Sam.
"Oh let me guess," said Jack. "Some fascinating science project awaits."
"Yes sir."
"Boring." As he was talking Jack was slowly becoming aware of something, something unusual creeping up the receptors in his nose. He glanced around. What in the hell was it? "Can anybody else smell something, well, funky?" he asked.
"Now you come to mention it sir," confirmed Sam. "I noticed something a few moments ago."
"Where is it coming from?" wondered Jack. He took a long look round the briefing room. Nothing unusual there.
The smell was getting stronger. Nastier too.
"Okay, there is something definitely wrong here people," he said. "It smells like something has died."
Teal'c took a long look round, inhaling as he went. "I believe the smell is coming from Jonas Quinn," he announced.
"Me?" Jonas looked confused. "I don't think so Teal'c, I've just showered."
Jack moved closer to the younger man. "Whoa!" he pulled back. "T's right Jonas, you smell. Real BAD!"
"I don't understand," he stood up, waving his arms around and the rest of the team took several involuntary steps back. All were breathing through their mouths, trying not to gag.
"Jonas, don't move," Jack ordered. "Do not, under any circumstances wave your arms about like that or you'll put us all in the infirmary."
"But Colonel I just showered, you know, you were there."
"I know Jonas," Jack found a handkerchief in his pocket and stuffed it over his mouth. "But I also know you need to go shower again. Now."
"Yes sir." Jonas was mortified, he had absolutely no idea why he should be responsible for such a distressing smell, it was all so painfully embarrassing, he just wanted to die.
"Go," Jack pointed.
Jonas went.
Going down the stairs from the briefing room he happened to meet Janet coming up.
"Hello Jonas, oh my Lord!! What ever is that smell?" Janet stepped smartly back, almost losing her footing and falling over the railing. Without thinking Jonas reached out to steady her and Janet found herself almost wishing she had taken the dive. "What have you done?" she managed to gasp without gagging.
"I have no idea, I'm going to shower."
"Good idea, very good idea," Janet ran up the last of the stairs out of harms way.
All the way back to the locker room Jonas cringed with horror as people reeled out of his way, stunned by the noxious smell he was giving off. This had to be the single most embarrassing experience of his entire life and he had absolutely no idea what had caused it. He only hoped an even longer shower would rectify the situation.
It was only when he eventually stepped out of the searing hot shower, once again wrapped in a towel and once again remembered that he was still out of deodorant that the penny finally dropped. It had to be. It was the only explanation. But why would the Colonel have a canister of deodorant that caused such an unfortunate smell in his locker? Jonas shook his head, there were times when he doubted he would ever understand humans and this was one of those times.