Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. The chapter titles are opening lines from Emily Dickinson poems.
Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 8 - If I shouldn't be alive
"Gil, if you want people to believe you're reading that report, you need to turn a page on occasion."
When Grissom lifted his head in surprise, Catherine crossed the room to sit down in front of his desk. He had been so lost in his thoughts about his earlier conversations with the sheriff and Sara, he hadn't noticed her.
"Catherine? What are you doing here?" It was her night off. Glancing at his watch, Grissom realized she would just have had time to see Lindsay off to school.
"Came to see if Sara wanted to crash at my place again."
"She's going to visit one of the kids she rescued in the hospital. The girl wants to thank her," Grissom said.
"Wow ... Is that a good idea?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked in confusion.
"Well, Sara's already on edge. That's gonna be intense. It may not be the best thing for her right now," Catherine said.
Grissom hadn't considered that. Wouldn't a 'thank you' be a good thing? "Well, Sara didn't seem to mind when Brian gave her the invitation."
Catherine just shrugged. "Has she caught the news recently?"
"I don't know. Why?" Catherine seemed concerned.
"Some station out of San Francisco ran an interview with her parents. Everybody else has picked up on it," she said with a hint of anger in her voice. "If those quotes are accurate, then those two are ... are ... ," she struggled to find the right adjectives.
"Weird? Bizarre? Unique?" Grissom suggested.
"I was going more along the lines of 'heartless bastards', but those'll work."
"What did they say?"
"How they were glad something good finally came out of the total waste Sara made of her life," she said venomously. "Not those exact words, but that's the gist of it."
Grissom nodded sadly. "Sara's parents never approved of her career path. They don't think highly of the government in general and less of the police in particular."
"Why?"
He shrugged. He didn't understand it, either. "They are coming to visit her, though. They'll be at the ceremony."
"Lucky Sara."
"Yeah. It'll be good for her to have her family there."
Catherine stared at her friend in disbelief. He had completely missed the sarcastic tone she used. He seemed lost in his thoughts. "What's up, Gil? Is Sara okay?"
"She's tense," he offered. Catherine watched as he fiddled with some papers on his desk.
"Something else is up."
"It's nothing."
"Gil, don't pull that on me. What's up?" Catherine demanded. She watched as he finally crossed the room to close his door before retaking his seat. He was nervous, she decided as she reached for her coffee.
"Brian talked to me earlier. He wanted to know if I was sleeping with Sara."
"Did you time that so I'd choke on my coffee? 'Cause if you did, it wasn't funny!"
"What? No. Sorry," he gave her a small smile, before turning his attention back to his desk.
"So?" Catherine asked. She couldn't resist the temptation.
"What?" Grissom looked up in confusion.
"Are you sleeping with her?"
"NO!"
"Hey, I'm not the one with hearing problems. Don't yell at me," Catherine said with a smile.
"Sorry."
"Have you?" Catherine asked, trying to keep her humor under control.
"What?"
"Slept with her?"
"Catherine!"
"I'll take it that's a 'no'?" He was unsettled.
"Of course!"
"Look, Gil, a bit of friendly advice. Sara's not vain, but it wouldn't be good for your health if she heard you use that tone of voice to deny it."
"Catherine," he paused trying to calm himself. "I wouldn't do that to her. People would think she had slept her way into her job."
"Yeah, we get so many Harvard graduates here," she said, rolling her eyes. "The press talked to her professors. That Kalvi place?"
"Kavli," he corrected.
"Whatever. Never heard of it, but apparently it's a big deal. Sara had her choice of graduate schools."
"Still, Catherine, people would still think she was sleeping her way up."
"Grissom, I hate to tell you this, but people have thought that from the beginning."
"What?"
"Stop yelling, Gil," Catherine said softly. "Look, you know everybody who is anybody in forensics. When you needed help, you brought in a young, hot woman with a fraction of the experience of most of the CSIs you're friends with."
"Is that what people thought?"
"Yeah. Some did anyway. But Sara showed she could do the job. No one doubts her skills. But the people who believe the rumors, Gil, it doesn't matter what the truth is. They'll still believe it."
"God, Catherine, I had no idea."
"So I noticed," she said with a smirk. "Did Mobley give you a hard time?"
"No. In fact, he said it was okay if we were involved. We'd just have to take some precautions," he gave his friend a pointed look when she started laughing at his phrasing. "He said we wouldn't be the first couple in the lab."
"That's true." Of course, she would know the office gossip.
"So, there's nothing going on between you and Sara?"
"No, Catherine."
"But Mobley wouldn't care if there was?"
"Right, Catherine," he replied wearily. Where was she going with this?
"Okay. Don't start anything, Gil, I'm warning you," Catherine gave him a serious look. "She doesn't need that right now. Her life is in a big enough jumble right now without you stirring it up more. Don't start anything," she repeated. Catching her friends startled expression, she reached over to squeeze his hand. "Not now, anyway. Let this mess settle down before making any moves. Just be a friend for now."
Any response Grissom may have been planning was halted by the commotion coming from the hallway.
~~~~~~~~~~
Gathering the stacks of prints and envelopes of trace materials, Sara left the garage and headed for the evidence vault. She hoped no one would comment on her overzealousness. Once she had regained her composure, Sara attacked the vehicle as if it were responsible for her troubles. She'd seen murder cases with less evidence. They'd probably find half of the prints she lifted belonged to an assembly crew back in Detroit.
Ahead of her, Nick and Warrick were discussing a report. When Nick saw her approaching, he threw himself up against the wall in a dramatic gesture. He grabbed Warrick's arm to pull him over as well. "Look out, man! You don't want to get between Sara and the evidence vault! She'll rip you a new one," he teased.
Sara just gave him an evil look, but stopped when Warrick reached out and put a reassuring arm around her shoulders. After exchanging a curious look with Nick, Sara turned to Warrick.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Sure," she said, wondering what had prompted his concern. She had pulled herself together. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her keys. "Hey, Nicky, could you do me a favor? Could you pull my Tahoe into the garage? David's a nice enough guy, but I feel like a zombie riding in that van."
Snatching the keys she tossed his way, Nick grinned. "No problem, sugar," he teased, easily avoiding the punch he knew would be directed his way.
Warrick stayed by her side as she walked to the evidence vault. "Hey, Warrick, really, I'm okay. Just tense, you know? Don't like all this attention."
"Yeah, I get you. They'll get bored with you soon enough," he said in a joking voice. "You got a place to go? 'Cause they're still camped outside of your apartment."
"Damn it!"
Warrick watched as Sara began rapidly entering her evidence collection into storage. He was amazed when she started singing. His laughter caused her to stop. "Damn, I wish I knew that song when I was in college," he said. "That's better than the Lehrer version."
Sara blushed. She hadn't realized she had started another musical review of the elements. She had made it to neon - 'such a noble gas' - before Warrick interrupted her. She gave him an embarrassed shrug before finishing up her evidence.
Sara gave him a suspicious glance when he followed her to the break room. "Warrick? Are you part St. Bernard? 'Cause I can find my way around."
He laughed. "I forget to shower or something? Nah, I wanted to talk to you, that's all." If he saw her tense, he didn't comment on it.
Grabbing the box of toys she had set aside earlier, Sara quickly left the room. "I'm on my way to the hospital right now. How about later?"
Warrick never got a chance to answer. Sara froze at the voice which greeted her. Not him, not now.
"If it isn't the indestructible Sara Sidle! What heroics do you have planned for today? We can give an itinerary to your press escorts," came Brass' teasing voice from behind the two CSIs.
"Shut up, Brass!"
Sara turned around sharply. Warrick had already placed his body between Brass and Sara.
"Whoa, Brown! Calm down" Brass said, holding up his hands and leaning around the taller man to address Sara. "Body guard or fan club president?" he asked, jerking a thumb at Warrick.
"I told you to shut the hell up, Brass," Warrick said in an angry voice.
"What's going on guys?" Nick came running up the hallway. Handing Sara her keys, he noticed she seemed shocked. Following her glance, he saw heads turning and watching from the different labs. Shaking herself, Sara reached over and grabbed Warrick's arm.
"Warrick, chill. It's okay. Brass was just joking," she said urgently. People had started moving into doorways to watch. Damn. She had to get out of here. Sara turned abruptly and headed towards the garage. "See you guys later."
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Grissom and Catherine had rounded the corner in time to see Sara duck into the garage. Both noticed she was wiping her eyes.
"Brass was harassing, Sara," Warrick declared harshly.
"Easy there, Brown. Gil, I was joking with her. Sara said it herself," Brass said. "If it bothered her, I'll apologize later."
"If? Are you blind, Brass? Sara was crying when she left!" Nick exploded.
"That's probably more over the scene you guys created!" Catherine snapped.
"Hey, I got here just before you did! I don't know what's going on," Nick responded.
"Everybody! Just calm down," Grissom barked. He was furious. People accused him of not having any social skills, but he knew better than to embarrass Sara like this. "Brown. Brass. My office. Now!"
Warrick caught the venom in Grissom's voice. For the first time he noticed the attention from the rest of the personnel. He closed his eyes and lifted his head back in sorrow. He had just ended up making everything worse.
"Look, Grissom, I'll be there in a second. I have to grab something from my locker first. It's important. Everybody needs to see it," he indicated Catherine and Nick.
Nodding his reluctant consent, Grissom moved to herd the rest of the team into his office. "Don't you people have any work to do?" His exclamation sent the rest of the lab staff scurrying back into their labs and offices.
Moving behind his desk, he scowled at his team. He could feel the start of a migraine forming. He collapsed into his chair as Warrick came into his office with a thick folder. "I hope there is some sort of good explanation for that scene. Because I have to tell you - all of you - I'm not happy. Sara is stressed enough."
A muttering of "I'm sorry" came from around the room.
"Who wants to start?"
"I made a joke. I guess Sara didn't find it funny," Brass volunteered. "I will apologize, Gil. But, Warrick, man there was no reason to jump down my throat. On occasion, I've been known to take a subtle hint to shut up."
"Sorry, man, but I'm worried about Sara," Warrick said.
"Warrick? What's up?" Catherine asked. She couldn't recall ever seeing her teammate so tense. What ever was bothering him was serious.
"This." He tossed a series of photographs and articles on the table. All were about a man carrying a bloody little girl in his arms. "That's Robert O'Donnell. He pulled Jessica McClure out of that well in Texas back in '87."
He followed with a series about a woman rescuing a child from a frozen lake in Maine. After that came stories about several rescue personnel who worked the explosion aftermath at the federal building in Oklahoma. There were stunning photos of paramedics helping victims of Hurricane Andrew; a bridge collapse in Oregon; an apartment fire in Los Angeles. A number of articles featured different people involved in the 9/11 attacks at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The last set of articles showed a man with surveying equipment.
"That's Robert Long. He's credited with rescuing those miners trapped in Quecreek, Pennsylvania last summer," he said. In his hands, he held photos of Sara at the bus accident.
"Sara's cohorts in the League of Super Heroes," Brass joked.
"Quiet, Brass," Catherine whispered harshly.
"All of these people had their lives turned upside down after they rescued somebody and became media stars," he said. "The same is happening to Sara."
"Look, Warrick, if you have a point, could you make it, please?" Brass asked impatiently. He was still upset over the verbal abuse the younger man had directed at him earlier.
"What's different about Sara, Brass?" The harsh tone Warrick used made the others jump. Brass just shook his head, lifting his hands to indicate he didn't know.
"Sara's still alive," he said harshly. "All the rest of them? They killed themselves."
TBC
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. The chapter titles are opening lines from Emily Dickinson poems.
Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 8 - If I shouldn't be alive
"Gil, if you want people to believe you're reading that report, you need to turn a page on occasion."
When Grissom lifted his head in surprise, Catherine crossed the room to sit down in front of his desk. He had been so lost in his thoughts about his earlier conversations with the sheriff and Sara, he hadn't noticed her.
"Catherine? What are you doing here?" It was her night off. Glancing at his watch, Grissom realized she would just have had time to see Lindsay off to school.
"Came to see if Sara wanted to crash at my place again."
"She's going to visit one of the kids she rescued in the hospital. The girl wants to thank her," Grissom said.
"Wow ... Is that a good idea?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked in confusion.
"Well, Sara's already on edge. That's gonna be intense. It may not be the best thing for her right now," Catherine said.
Grissom hadn't considered that. Wouldn't a 'thank you' be a good thing? "Well, Sara didn't seem to mind when Brian gave her the invitation."
Catherine just shrugged. "Has she caught the news recently?"
"I don't know. Why?" Catherine seemed concerned.
"Some station out of San Francisco ran an interview with her parents. Everybody else has picked up on it," she said with a hint of anger in her voice. "If those quotes are accurate, then those two are ... are ... ," she struggled to find the right adjectives.
"Weird? Bizarre? Unique?" Grissom suggested.
"I was going more along the lines of 'heartless bastards', but those'll work."
"What did they say?"
"How they were glad something good finally came out of the total waste Sara made of her life," she said venomously. "Not those exact words, but that's the gist of it."
Grissom nodded sadly. "Sara's parents never approved of her career path. They don't think highly of the government in general and less of the police in particular."
"Why?"
He shrugged. He didn't understand it, either. "They are coming to visit her, though. They'll be at the ceremony."
"Lucky Sara."
"Yeah. It'll be good for her to have her family there."
Catherine stared at her friend in disbelief. He had completely missed the sarcastic tone she used. He seemed lost in his thoughts. "What's up, Gil? Is Sara okay?"
"She's tense," he offered. Catherine watched as he fiddled with some papers on his desk.
"Something else is up."
"It's nothing."
"Gil, don't pull that on me. What's up?" Catherine demanded. She watched as he finally crossed the room to close his door before retaking his seat. He was nervous, she decided as she reached for her coffee.
"Brian talked to me earlier. He wanted to know if I was sleeping with Sara."
"Did you time that so I'd choke on my coffee? 'Cause if you did, it wasn't funny!"
"What? No. Sorry," he gave her a small smile, before turning his attention back to his desk.
"So?" Catherine asked. She couldn't resist the temptation.
"What?" Grissom looked up in confusion.
"Are you sleeping with her?"
"NO!"
"Hey, I'm not the one with hearing problems. Don't yell at me," Catherine said with a smile.
"Sorry."
"Have you?" Catherine asked, trying to keep her humor under control.
"What?"
"Slept with her?"
"Catherine!"
"I'll take it that's a 'no'?" He was unsettled.
"Of course!"
"Look, Gil, a bit of friendly advice. Sara's not vain, but it wouldn't be good for your health if she heard you use that tone of voice to deny it."
"Catherine," he paused trying to calm himself. "I wouldn't do that to her. People would think she had slept her way into her job."
"Yeah, we get so many Harvard graduates here," she said, rolling her eyes. "The press talked to her professors. That Kalvi place?"
"Kavli," he corrected.
"Whatever. Never heard of it, but apparently it's a big deal. Sara had her choice of graduate schools."
"Still, Catherine, people would still think she was sleeping her way up."
"Grissom, I hate to tell you this, but people have thought that from the beginning."
"What?"
"Stop yelling, Gil," Catherine said softly. "Look, you know everybody who is anybody in forensics. When you needed help, you brought in a young, hot woman with a fraction of the experience of most of the CSIs you're friends with."
"Is that what people thought?"
"Yeah. Some did anyway. But Sara showed she could do the job. No one doubts her skills. But the people who believe the rumors, Gil, it doesn't matter what the truth is. They'll still believe it."
"God, Catherine, I had no idea."
"So I noticed," she said with a smirk. "Did Mobley give you a hard time?"
"No. In fact, he said it was okay if we were involved. We'd just have to take some precautions," he gave his friend a pointed look when she started laughing at his phrasing. "He said we wouldn't be the first couple in the lab."
"That's true." Of course, she would know the office gossip.
"So, there's nothing going on between you and Sara?"
"No, Catherine."
"But Mobley wouldn't care if there was?"
"Right, Catherine," he replied wearily. Where was she going with this?
"Okay. Don't start anything, Gil, I'm warning you," Catherine gave him a serious look. "She doesn't need that right now. Her life is in a big enough jumble right now without you stirring it up more. Don't start anything," she repeated. Catching her friends startled expression, she reached over to squeeze his hand. "Not now, anyway. Let this mess settle down before making any moves. Just be a friend for now."
Any response Grissom may have been planning was halted by the commotion coming from the hallway.
~~~~~~~~~~
Gathering the stacks of prints and envelopes of trace materials, Sara left the garage and headed for the evidence vault. She hoped no one would comment on her overzealousness. Once she had regained her composure, Sara attacked the vehicle as if it were responsible for her troubles. She'd seen murder cases with less evidence. They'd probably find half of the prints she lifted belonged to an assembly crew back in Detroit.
Ahead of her, Nick and Warrick were discussing a report. When Nick saw her approaching, he threw himself up against the wall in a dramatic gesture. He grabbed Warrick's arm to pull him over as well. "Look out, man! You don't want to get between Sara and the evidence vault! She'll rip you a new one," he teased.
Sara just gave him an evil look, but stopped when Warrick reached out and put a reassuring arm around her shoulders. After exchanging a curious look with Nick, Sara turned to Warrick.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Sure," she said, wondering what had prompted his concern. She had pulled herself together. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her keys. "Hey, Nicky, could you do me a favor? Could you pull my Tahoe into the garage? David's a nice enough guy, but I feel like a zombie riding in that van."
Snatching the keys she tossed his way, Nick grinned. "No problem, sugar," he teased, easily avoiding the punch he knew would be directed his way.
Warrick stayed by her side as she walked to the evidence vault. "Hey, Warrick, really, I'm okay. Just tense, you know? Don't like all this attention."
"Yeah, I get you. They'll get bored with you soon enough," he said in a joking voice. "You got a place to go? 'Cause they're still camped outside of your apartment."
"Damn it!"
Warrick watched as Sara began rapidly entering her evidence collection into storage. He was amazed when she started singing. His laughter caused her to stop. "Damn, I wish I knew that song when I was in college," he said. "That's better than the Lehrer version."
Sara blushed. She hadn't realized she had started another musical review of the elements. She had made it to neon - 'such a noble gas' - before Warrick interrupted her. She gave him an embarrassed shrug before finishing up her evidence.
Sara gave him a suspicious glance when he followed her to the break room. "Warrick? Are you part St. Bernard? 'Cause I can find my way around."
He laughed. "I forget to shower or something? Nah, I wanted to talk to you, that's all." If he saw her tense, he didn't comment on it.
Grabbing the box of toys she had set aside earlier, Sara quickly left the room. "I'm on my way to the hospital right now. How about later?"
Warrick never got a chance to answer. Sara froze at the voice which greeted her. Not him, not now.
"If it isn't the indestructible Sara Sidle! What heroics do you have planned for today? We can give an itinerary to your press escorts," came Brass' teasing voice from behind the two CSIs.
"Shut up, Brass!"
Sara turned around sharply. Warrick had already placed his body between Brass and Sara.
"Whoa, Brown! Calm down" Brass said, holding up his hands and leaning around the taller man to address Sara. "Body guard or fan club president?" he asked, jerking a thumb at Warrick.
"I told you to shut the hell up, Brass," Warrick said in an angry voice.
"What's going on guys?" Nick came running up the hallway. Handing Sara her keys, he noticed she seemed shocked. Following her glance, he saw heads turning and watching from the different labs. Shaking herself, Sara reached over and grabbed Warrick's arm.
"Warrick, chill. It's okay. Brass was just joking," she said urgently. People had started moving into doorways to watch. Damn. She had to get out of here. Sara turned abruptly and headed towards the garage. "See you guys later."
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Grissom and Catherine had rounded the corner in time to see Sara duck into the garage. Both noticed she was wiping her eyes.
"Brass was harassing, Sara," Warrick declared harshly.
"Easy there, Brown. Gil, I was joking with her. Sara said it herself," Brass said. "If it bothered her, I'll apologize later."
"If? Are you blind, Brass? Sara was crying when she left!" Nick exploded.
"That's probably more over the scene you guys created!" Catherine snapped.
"Hey, I got here just before you did! I don't know what's going on," Nick responded.
"Everybody! Just calm down," Grissom barked. He was furious. People accused him of not having any social skills, but he knew better than to embarrass Sara like this. "Brown. Brass. My office. Now!"
Warrick caught the venom in Grissom's voice. For the first time he noticed the attention from the rest of the personnel. He closed his eyes and lifted his head back in sorrow. He had just ended up making everything worse.
"Look, Grissom, I'll be there in a second. I have to grab something from my locker first. It's important. Everybody needs to see it," he indicated Catherine and Nick.
Nodding his reluctant consent, Grissom moved to herd the rest of the team into his office. "Don't you people have any work to do?" His exclamation sent the rest of the lab staff scurrying back into their labs and offices.
Moving behind his desk, he scowled at his team. He could feel the start of a migraine forming. He collapsed into his chair as Warrick came into his office with a thick folder. "I hope there is some sort of good explanation for that scene. Because I have to tell you - all of you - I'm not happy. Sara is stressed enough."
A muttering of "I'm sorry" came from around the room.
"Who wants to start?"
"I made a joke. I guess Sara didn't find it funny," Brass volunteered. "I will apologize, Gil. But, Warrick, man there was no reason to jump down my throat. On occasion, I've been known to take a subtle hint to shut up."
"Sorry, man, but I'm worried about Sara," Warrick said.
"Warrick? What's up?" Catherine asked. She couldn't recall ever seeing her teammate so tense. What ever was bothering him was serious.
"This." He tossed a series of photographs and articles on the table. All were about a man carrying a bloody little girl in his arms. "That's Robert O'Donnell. He pulled Jessica McClure out of that well in Texas back in '87."
He followed with a series about a woman rescuing a child from a frozen lake in Maine. After that came stories about several rescue personnel who worked the explosion aftermath at the federal building in Oklahoma. There were stunning photos of paramedics helping victims of Hurricane Andrew; a bridge collapse in Oregon; an apartment fire in Los Angeles. A number of articles featured different people involved in the 9/11 attacks at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The last set of articles showed a man with surveying equipment.
"That's Robert Long. He's credited with rescuing those miners trapped in Quecreek, Pennsylvania last summer," he said. In his hands, he held photos of Sara at the bus accident.
"Sara's cohorts in the League of Super Heroes," Brass joked.
"Quiet, Brass," Catherine whispered harshly.
"All of these people had their lives turned upside down after they rescued somebody and became media stars," he said. "The same is happening to Sara."
"Look, Warrick, if you have a point, could you make it, please?" Brass asked impatiently. He was still upset over the verbal abuse the younger man had directed at him earlier.
"What's different about Sara, Brass?" The harsh tone Warrick used made the others jump. Brass just shook his head, lifting his hands to indicate he didn't know.
"Sara's still alive," he said harshly. "All the rest of them? They killed themselves."
TBC