Chapter 17: Kisses and Semi-Empty Threats

A/N: Vanessa, that was an… umm… interesting chapter. Why are Haldir and I being so secretive? I lub him, he lub me, everybody happy! It's all gonna come out now! But how is the question. Oh, and a few things about Vanessa's chapter: 1, it was 7 hours since I met him; 2, I'm not the one who glomped Pippin after meeting him (fic #1 reference); 3, we didn't do anything!!! So nyah! *blows raspberry*

A/N2: Does anybody else see that as a personal attack on me? *cries* Oh well, at least I have my personality.

Disclaimer:

Legolas: *reading A/L slash from one of my many LJ communities* What?! I would never do that to Aragorn!

Haldir: *reading another fic* What?! I would never do that to Rú mil!

Elladan: *reading yet again another fic* What?! Elrohir! Somebody was watching! (I'm sorry! I couldn't resist!)

Me: Christy and I own nothing but ourselves, maybe. But who wants to own themselves? It doesn't sound at all glamorous. And why are so many elves reading slash & RPS fics from my LJ?

"What did you do that for?!" Kitty shouted before taking her plate of food and going after her husband.

"Geez, I thought it was funny," Vanessa muttered.

"Well it wasn't," Courtney told her and went back to her food.

"Now move!" I demanded and shoved Nessa off her chair. Haldir quickly sat down, handed Vanessa her waffles when she stood up, and gave me a high five.

Vanessa scoffed and sat down next to Aragorn, pouting like a 2-year-old. "You're so mean to me."

"Hey!" I protested. "I never said I was a nice person. You must have assumed that and you know what happens when you assume: you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Vanessa grumbled and ate another waffle.

The rest of breakfast passed by pretty uneventfully compared to the beginning, meaning we had an obligatory food fight.

Later, after we had run out of the cafeteria and gotten clean, we all met out on the deck. Kitty had convinced Legolas to come, though he was still pissed at Vanessa.

"I'm sorry, OK?" Vanessa told the offended elf.

"That may be, but there was no excuse for what you said," he pouted.

"Get over it already," I demanded. "She was joking. If you can't take it, don't give it."

Legolas muttered under his breath in Elvish which prompted a discussion in Elvish between Legolas, Aragorn, and Haldir (Gandalf was too busy humming 'Girls and Boys' to join in).

"Does anyone else feel left out?!" I complained. I pulled on Haldir's arm. "What are y'all talking about?"

"Quiet child," he told me before returning to conversation.

I scoffed. "I will not!" I protested. "And I am no child!"

"Yes, you're defiantly a child," he retorted. "Otherwise…" He whispered something in my ear.

I (playfully) slapped his arm and said, "What makes you think I won't?"

"Because you're a child."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"You're both children!" Alex shouted in attempt to quiet us.

"Shut up!" we replied and went back to bickering.

"Ahh!" Alex screamed and walked off.

"What's his problem?" I asked confused. While Kitty just laughed I ran after Alex.

"Hey, where ya going?"

"Away from you," he replied.

I put an arm around his shoulder and made him turn around, pulling him back to where everyone else was. "You know you love me!"

He looked at me, deadpan, and said, "No I don't."

"Well, fine," I pouted. "At least Haldir does." I put my arm around his waist.

"Get your hands off my slave!" Vanessa exclaimed.

"I don't gotta!" I retorted and hugged him closer.

"Leave him alone," she quietly threatened.

"She doesn't have to," Haldir defended me.

"You dare speak back to me, slave?!" Vanessa rounded on Haldir.

"Yes."

"Aragorn!" Vanessa suddenly whined. "My slave isn't being nice to me!"

"What do you want me to do about it?" Strider asked, clearly mused.

"Kick his hott elven ass!"

"No."

"'No'? Everybody is turning against me; my best friend, my slave, and my HASRWANB!" she wailed. "I need a beer! Maybe 2. Frodo, go get me a beer."

"Why me?" the annoying hobbit whined. "Why not Sam?"

"Cuz I said you. Now go!"

Frodo did eventually leave, clearly unhappy, grumbling the entire way.

"Man, it's really windy out today!" Courtney complained as Legolas's hair hit her in the face for the umpteenth million time.

Kitty and I looked at each other.

"… Everybody knows it's Windy! Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum! Windy has stormy eyes that flash at sound of lies. And Windy has wings to fly above the clouds!" we sang enthusiastically.

"Dear Eru! Save me!" Vanessa lamented. "What did I do to deserve this?!"

"You met them." Alex pointed at Kitty and myself still singing away happily. "Same as me."

We continued singing until we finished the song.

"Now what?" Kitty asked me.

Instead of replying I just continued singing. "Sugar. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Ah, honey, honey."

"The Archies!" Courtney exclaimed and joined Kitty and I in singing 'Sugar, sugar.'

"Oh, no!" Gimli cried. "Not her too!"

"Shut up, Mr. Karaoke!" Vanessa snapped. "Aragorn, save me!"

Aragorn rolled his eyes and announced that he was going to the bar.

"Ooh! Alcohol!" I squealed after we finished singing. "Lets go!"

                ***

About noon we were all drunk, with the exception of Kitty. While we were all getting drunk on alcohol she was getting "drunk on life" (yeah right). We all got so smashed we started singing again, Vanessa included, this time from "My Fair Lady" (which we do not own).

"The Lord above made alcohol to see if man could resist temptation. The Lord above made alcohol to see if man could resist temptation, but with a little bit of luck, you'll give right in! With a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit of luck you'll give right in!" We sang over and over, the guys joining in when they learned the words and we prodded them into it.

When we finished, I guess Gandalf got caught up in the moment because he, once again, gave Vanessa a big kiss. Ewww! The rest of us just about died from laughing while Vanessa frantically tried to rinse her mouth out with beer and Gandalf turned bright red. When Vanessa felt her mouth was washed sufficiently out she started yelling again.

"Don't you dare touch me again! Don't even look at me! Don't even think about me! Don't do anything even remotely related to me!" she screamed and Gandalf. "And the rest of you! Never mention that again! And stop laughing!"

This only made us laugh harder. Then the "Trevor Stampede" made it's way into the bar.

"Help me! Please! Someone please help me!" Trevor called out, still running for his life. I felt really bad for him. I ran over and grabbed him and dragged him behind the bar. I don't know how I did it without them noticing but I did. After I completed my task I walked back and sat down next to Haldir.

"I thought you were leaving me for a minute there," he remarked. "With as fast as you ran after that guy."

"I could never leave you," I told him and kissed him. Too late, I remembered that no one else knew we were together; oops!

"Oops…" I whispered to Haldir who nodded in agreement.

"What?!" Vanessa cried (A/N: Remember, she doesn't remember anything because she was smashed the night before; Aragorn too). "My best friend and my slave? TOGETHER?! When did this happen?!"

"Yesterday, obviously. That's when I met him," I answered.

"But…but…but… he's my slave!" she protested.

"Only for the remainder to the voyage," I reminded her. "Then you have no power over him and he's all mine." I grinned happily.

"Waaah!" Vanessa cried. "That's not how it's supposed to be! He's supposed to be mine!"

"What?" Aragorn asked raising an eyebrow.

It was Vanessa's turn to mutter "Ooops!", with a less than happy ending (she didn't get Haldir).

A/N: There! Finally done! I would have been done earlier except for all the notes we had in Mr. D's class. Well, it was fun and don't forget to review! And I don't know why but I felt like being mean to Vanessa. It was fun! *Runs away with Haldir*

A/N2: We could tell you felt like being 'mean to Vanessa'! Bah-humbug! Anyway, that was Christy's last chapter for this fic. But do not be sad, for my chapter is next! And let me tell ya, it's a doozy! Why the hell did I just say, "doozy"? Who says that?! *sigh* Man, I need some sleep. Well, please, please, please review and I'll love you forever. (Lets just hope Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen, and Karl Urban were reading!)

I dunno if anyone reviewed or not seeing as how I just posted chapter 16 4 hours ago. Well, I'll just post this when I get back from my Dad's house.