Chapter 18: A Pirate's Life Kinda Sux

A/N: Jeez, does anyone else think that chapter was particularly mean to me? And what did I do to deserve that? Wait for it, wait for it… Anyway, this shall be the last chapter of this fic; we wanna start our new one. Personally, I'll be sad to see it go. This fic was full of good times, and not to mention bad. Man, now I'm getting all teary eyed. Meh, it may also be because the end of LOTR has finally hit me. *cries*

Disclaimer:

Me: I'm too tired to do this. Legolas, you do it.

Legolas: *wearing a punk belt, skater shoes, and a black hoodie* Duuuude, I'm a skater punk and an elf!!! (Thanks to Kits for that!)

Me: … OK.

Legolas: Dude! They like so totally rock! Wait, I mean, they own nothing! Tshyeah!

Me: … *smacks forehead and wishes she had never told him what a skater punk was*

I laughed nervously as Aragorn looked sternly down at me. "I-I-I… uhhh… damn, I got nothing." Then I remembered that I had to yell at a certain blond elf. "And why, Haldir, did you not tell me you were kinda "with" her?"

"He shuffled his feet around. "Uhh... No comment?"

I smiled innocently. "Come on Haldir, good buddy, you can tell Nessa." I grabbed his arm just in case he tried to run away. "Wow, you sure have some big muscles buddy."

"I shan't tell you anything," he replied.

"Damn!" I sulked back to Aragorn who still glared at me. "Uhhh… you know I love you, right?" I smiled guiltily up at him.

He rolled his eyes and then smiled. "Why can I no stay mad at you very long?!" (A/N: If Christy can do it, so can I! Mwahahaha!)

"Because I'm cute!" I said jokingly. (A/N: Look! I'm cute! *snorts*)

Christy scoffed. "That's what you think!"

"Shut your mouth, child! I ain't talking to you!" I screamed at her. Here I was, minding my own business, trying to get my HASRWANB to forgive me, and she's making cracks at me. Great.

I stuck my tongue out at her and then turned back to Aragorn. "'I love you Vanessa.' Come on, say it with me now. 'I love Vanessa.'"

"I'm in love with Arwen," he said.

"Excuse me?!" I screamed. "Don't you ever, ever, EVER mention her, it's, name in my presence again! Do you here me?!"

To my surprise, he started laughing. He was laughing. At a time like this. I swear, I will never understand men. Why can't men be more like women? (It's from my Fair Lady.)

"I always wondered how you would react to something like that," he said.

I glared at him. Him and his morbid curiosity. That was low. Just oh so low. "Oh. And did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, very much so," he replied, smirking.

"Good because you're not going to enjoy this!" I ran and jumped on his back, wrapped my legs around him and tried hitting him. Key word: tried.

Apparently he thought it was funny because he was once again laughing at me. "Vanessa, get down, you're not hurting me."

"I know," I grunted. "But it sure as hell makes me feel better.

The next thing I know I'm laying on my back and Aragorn is in my face. "Owwies…" I mumbled.

"I told you to get off did I not?"

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"I'm a ranger; I'm next in line to Ilúvatar." He smiled and shrugged.

                ***

"All personnel to the main deck!" a man said urgently over the PA system. "All guests please retrieve your life vests and come up to the deck."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Is it a test?" Courtney asked too.

"I dunno, but maybe we should do what he says," Kitty replied. (A/N: Ugh, sorry Kits, I didn't mean to make you seem so OOC)

Everyone ran to their rooms and retrieved their bright orange life jackets. Gimli was having some difficulty getting his on but Gandalf was trying hard to help him.

We raced up to the deck and started trying to get some answers. The whole top deck was in a state of utter chaos.

I grabbed the closest employee and shoved him against the wall. "What's going on here?!"

"N-n-n-nothing to be alarmed about, miss," he said and tried to escape from my grasp. Heh, foolish mortal!

"Nothing?! Then why the hell are we up here at 10 pm with our frickin' life jackets?! It's bloody cold out here!"

"I'm not the one you should be questioning, miss," he said quickly. Somehow he managed to escape my grasp and he ran away holding his neck.

"Is-is- does the ship look as though it's closer to the water to you guys?" Legolas, the observant one, asked.

We all rushed to the side and looked out. Indeed we were closer to the water's surface. "OMG, the boat's sinking!" someone cried.

"Aww… crap," Kitty mumbled.

"What do we do?" a panic stricken Frodo asked.

"I dunno!" I retorted. "Abandon ship?"

"Is that absolutely necessary?" Sam asked, fiddling around with the buckles on his jacket. "I can't swim."

"That's why you wear the vest," Christy said. "So all you do is kick and paddle until you reach shore."

"If it's alright with you, I think I'll stay on board until they get all of this straightened out. They can get a boat to umm… un-sink, right?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"You keep tellin' yourself that," I replied. "Alrighty, campers, that a'way to 'safety'; all you chickens can stay here and die! Mwahahaha!"

We all jumped, or belly-flopped if you will, into the water. Although, Legolas, being the showoff he is, dived in. (Think Capt. Jack Sparrow when he dives in after Elizabitch. Oops! Wait, I mean Elizabeth, forgive me)

For hours everyone swam/splashed to the nearest hunk o land. So it was dark when we reached the island. Upon reaching it, everyone promptly fell asleep due to exhaustion.

The next morning I opened my eyes and was pleasantly surprised by the sight. There, before me, asleep, was my slave, Haldir. His shirt/tunic was torn and wet so it stuck to him like a second skin. Ooo… yummy!

"I knew you loved me!" I cried, startling him awake.

"Ack!" I thought you were Christy!"

"Naw, you knew who I was. You love me!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him close. He threw me off though. Mean, evil elf.

When everyone else had awoken (and unfortunately all 15 of us had survived) I went and sought out Aragorn.

"Aragorn/Strider/Estel! When the hell are you going to kick his blond, elven ass?!" I yelled and pointed at Haldir.

                ***

"Hey, look! Rum!" Kitty cried from down below.

"RUM?!" Christy and I exclaimed. "Bring it up! Bring it up!!!"

3 hours later…

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" we all sang drunkenly, with the exception of Kitty of course, around a fire Aragorn had built.

"I wonder," Courtney said, "how did the rum get here?"

"As far as I can tell," Christy expertly replied, "the rum traders came back after Elizabeth burned it all." (A/N: Leave alone, its 2 am and I sure hell don't care whether or not it could happen!)

"How can one burn this stuff? It is essential to live!" a smashed Sam said.

"Right…" Legolas retorted.

I chugged down the remainder of my drink and reached for another. Gasp! There were none! "Hey, why don't you guys go down and get us another box?"

They agreed, opened the hatch and went in.

15 minutes later they still had not returned. "Do you think we should go check on them?" Courtney asked.

"Good idea, Court. You do it," Kitty said from her spot under a shady tree.

Court mumbled some sort of reply but went anyway. When she came back though, she was shocked. "They're gone!"

"Nooo!!!" we four girls cried.

"Yes!" Alex exclaimed. "I'm free!"

"Shut up!!!"

A/N: I was going to have this part about where Bill Gates comes and rescues us but I thought not because it involves a real person. Hehe. Well, there ya have it. The end of fic #5. Thank God… Anyway, the next fic should be up soon. But I should warn you, it's going to be a LOTR/Stargate SG-1 cross over. Well, kinda, sorta, not really. Meh, there are like 5 chapters that we interact with them. Whatever just read it.

I just want to thank all the reviewers we've had during the course of this fic. I love you guys and I'm sure Christy would say the same. It's been almost a year now since we started writing together and we most likely would have stopped a long time ago had it not been for you lovely reviewers. Much love, sisters (and bros if there are any dudes)!