Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 17 – When night is almost done
Nick held onto the sobbing woman, a look of horror crossing his face. He wrapped his arms around her to support her when her legs started to buckle. She was too upset to listen, so he made no attempt to reassure her.
Sara had killed a child? What had happened on that bus? He tried to reconcile her occasional comments with her earlier statements. She mainly kept apologizing, but sometimes other phrases would come out. Overall, it wasn't very coherent.
He didn't believe for a minute that she was responsible for the boy's death, but how could he convince her? From the looks of it, Sara had already condemned herself. It made sense, in a perverse way, Nick realized. Sara was highly responsible, with an incredible sense of duty. Combine that with her respect for life, and it was logical she would blame herself for those lost, rather than take credit for those she saved.
After a few minutes, Nick pulled her closer to his body, rubbing his hand gently across her back. He whispered softly in her ear, encouraging her to get this out of her system. Closing his eyes, Nick suddenly realized Warrick had been right to be concerned.
"Shhh, Sara, shhh. Don't do this to yourself," he said softly.
~~~~~~~
Flipping through the pages quickly, Grissom read the autopsy report on Hunter Lawrence. Robbins had delivered the report personally, explaining that this was the boy whose fate had concerned Sara. Luckily for her peace of mind, the boy had died before the fire.
The official cause of death was internal bleeding from a lacerated liver. David had found metal shards embedded in the boy's spine and back of the rib cage. From the angle of impact, the coroner's office had determined that both the liver and spleen would have been shredded. Combined with his other injuries, the boy never had a chance.
Grissom wondered what could have caused Sara to question her actions. With that much internal bleeding the boy should have died quickly. Had one of the children told her to go back for him, not realizing his fate? He hoped not; a request like that would haunt Sara.
A knocking sound caused him to snap his head up. No one in the lab ever bothered to knock. "Philip?" he asked in shock. Quickly checking his watch, he wondered what could have brought the other man into the lab this early.
"Good morning, Gil. Hope I'm not bothering you," Kane said, closing the office door behind him. Grissom's stomach did a preemptive twist. The effect was becoming Pavlovian.
"What's wrong?" he asked cautiously.
"What makes you think anything is wrong?" Kane said with a friendly smile, taking a seat.
Grissom held his tongue, silently cursing the habit all psychologists seemed to develop of answering questions with questions. "Don't analyze me, Philip. It's 6:30 in the morning. You're on leave. Your wife's in the hospital. You don't make social calls. What is wrong?" he demanded.
"I came to see Sara. I think we know what happened on the bus that she wasn't talking about," he said kindly, passing the paper he brought across the desk.
Opening the paper, Grissom quickly scanned the headline before closing his eyes. God, Sara. Taking a deep breath, he read the article, his migraine threatening to return.
Survivor Recalls Bus Tragedy
Child Died in Rescuer's Arms
LVPD CSI Mistaken For Mother
by Lynda Darby, Tribune staff reporter
Tragic details of Monday's fatal school bus accident
came to light yesterday when survivor Teresa Hernandez,
8, talked for the first time about the experience.
Hernandez, of Oakland Avenue, was one of three children
rescued from the burning wreckage by off-duty forensics
investigator Sara Sidle.
"It was really scary. I thought I was going to die, too,"
said Hernandez of Oakland Avenue. "But Sara found me.
She's my friend," Hernandez said.
The second grader revealed that her classmate, Hunter
Lawrence, 7, initially survived the crash, but died in
Sidle's arms as she tried to save him.
"He was crying and Sara was holding him. She was telling
him he'd be okay. That she'd get him out. Hunter thought
she was his momma and he told her he was sorry. Then he
died," Hernandez said. "That made me sad. I started crying.
That's when Sara found me. I was scared. I was hiding under
the seat. She carried me out."
The coroner's office has yet to determine a cause of death
for Lawrence, but accident reports indicate the child had
been trapped in twisted metal and rescue workers needed to
cut his remains from the wreckage.
Lawrence, who would have turned 8 next month, moved to
Las Vegas with his family last year. His parents both work
at Tut's Tomb Casino.
An initial report indicates the tractor trailer which
collided with the bus was traveling at least 60 mph in the
40 mph zone. Whether the excess speed caused the accident
is still under investigation.
The truck driver, Richard Brown, 57, Henderson, died on
impact. Over a nearly four-decade career, he accumulated
18 drunk-driving arrests and numerous speeding and reckless
driving citations. At the time of the crash, he worked as
an independent driver.
The accident occurred at 7:45 a.m. as the bus headed towards
Desert Winds Elementary School. It normally carries 33
children. Seven other children and the school bus driver,
Marsha Rice, 44, Exeter Estates, also died in the wreck.
"Everything went flying and the windows broke. People
started crying and running out the bus. I was afraid,
[because] I saw the dead kids. I didn't want to see them,
so I hid," said Hernandez.
"Sara had to leave Hunter so she could carry me," the girl
said. "I couldn't walk. I tried, but I couldn't."
The young girl is in Desert Palms Hospital where she is
listed in serious but stable condition. She suffered severe
lacerations over much of her upper body. Doctors say she
nearly bled to death and attribute Sidle's heroic actions
with saving the child's life.
Hernandez' parents also credit Sidle with their daughter's
life. "I don't know what we would have done," said Rita
Hernandez. "We are so grateful. That she saved our little
girl. She even came to visit when Teresa asked her too."
Lawrence's parents declined to comment. Sidle could not be
reached for comment.
Sidle, 32, is a level-three crime scene investigator with
the Las Vegas Police Department. She joined the crime lab
just under three years ago when she was brought in to examine
the circumstances surrounding the shooting and death of
another LVPD CSI, Holly Gribbs.
Grissom sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair. He didn't bother reading the remainder of the story, but his eyes wandered over the photos accompanying the article. A school photo of Hunter Lawrence ran next to a file shot of Sara. There was a photo of Teresa with her parents. The cut line indicated the child wouldn't sleep without the plush toy Sara - who was "really cool" - had left.
"God. No wonder she's upset," he finally said. "There's nothing she could have done, either," he said passing the autopsy report across the desk. "That little guy never had a chance. Philip, Sara can get so emotional. And she's too hard on herself. This, I can't imagine what this is doing to her."
"I understand, Gil. That's why I came in. I expect this new twist will also renew the media attention. This is the type of hook they can't resist. Where is Sara now?"
"She needed to go over evidence for a trial next week with Nick Stokes, another CSI," he explained. "Let me find her. Why don't you get some coffee?"
~~~~~~~
Nick slowly lowered Sara to the floor as her sobs began to subside. Sitting beside her, he kept a reassuring arm wrapped around her shoulders, uncertain what else he should do.
"I'm sorry, Nick," she finally whispered against his shoulder.
"Hey, there. You don't have anything to apologize for," he told her kindly. "Sara, what happened? 'Cause I don't believe you did anything wrong."
"Nick, I left him," she said. "I thought he had died, but I, I panicked. I never checked. God, how could I do that?"
"Shhh, stop it. What could you have done? What? He was trapped, right? The bus was about to catch fire. Those other kids were still in the bus. They needed you. If you had stayed with him, those others would have died. You would have, too," he told her. "There wasn't anything else you could have done."
"You don't know that, Nick. I don't know that. I never will," she whispered.
"Sara, that boy died the minute the truck hit that bus. It just took his body that long to catch up," he said sadly. "There was nothing you could have done to help him. Nothing, sweetheart. Don't do this to yourself."
"Myself? God, Nick, think about that boy! His parents. How do I apologize to them? There's nothing I can do to ever ease their pain," she said, tears starting again.
"Sara, don't," he urged, pulling her against his shoulder again.
~~~~~~~
"Gil, what's up?" Catherine asked as she exited the locker room, finding the night-shift supervisor slowly walking down the hallway, looking into different labs. She had just come back from a wasted evening. A missing child turned out to be a sulking teenager upset over a confiscated video game.
"Philip's here to see Sara," he said.
"Now?" Catherine asked in surprise.
"Yeah. Morning paper has an article. One of the kids died while Sara was trying to rescue him," Grissom explained.
"Oh, lord. That explains it," she whispered.
"Explains what?"
"I didn't mention it earlier, but when Sara was spooked yesterday? She kept apologizing. I couldn't figure out who to. This must be hell for her," the older woman said.
"It's worse. He thought she was his mother," Grissom said.
Catherine closed her eyes and shook her head in sympathy. "Where is she?"
"I don't know. I sent Nick to find her to go over the evidence from the Baugher case. Haven't found them yet," he said.
Catherine headed down the other side of the hallway, sticking her head into offices and labs. As she approached the Drying Room, she heard the sound of crying. Walking quietly in the room, she found Nick trying to hold an obviously distraught Sara. When he looked up, Catherine could see the concern in his eyes. When he waved her out, she nodded and closed the door behind her.
Stepping across the hallway, she grabbed Grissom's arm and physically pulled him back to his office, whispering, "Go, now!" in a tone leaving no room for disagreement. Finding Kane there, sipping his coffee, she closed the door. "Sara's in the Drying Room with Nick. She's a mess. And I mean a mess. God, she looks like she's losing it. Stay here, Gil!" Catherine said, grabbing his arm to restrain him when he started to dart for the door.
"Catherine ..." he began, but was interrupted by Kane.
"Gil, let me talk to her. She'll probably be embarrassed if you go in there when she's not in control," he explained. "You wait here."
Nick looked up in relief when Philip Kane walked into the Drying Room, pulling the door behind him. "Hello, Sara," he said gently, gingerly lowering himself to sit beside her. "Nick, why don't you go make some coffee. I'll stay here."
Several minutes later, Kane opened the door and called Catherine over. After a quick conversation, she headed to the break room to pick up the phone. Paging all employees to the conference room, she herded Nick and Grissom with her. After a few minutes the last of the lab techs straggled into the room. Looking out the door, she waited until she saw Kane escorting Sara onto the elevator.
"We're using too many paper clips. Stop wasting them," she said, leaving a confused group behind her.