**~~ Hi ppl, sorry for the mistake wit da chapters. ^^;; I dun know how I
updated two of the same chapters. So, this chapter would originally have to
be chapter 38, but because of the problem, it'll be chapter 39. Gomen, hope
I didn't get you guys too confused. Well, I'll try to be kinder to
InuYasha. Oh ya, and I have decided to break this story into parts instead
of making sequels. SORRY, wont change my mind, there were more ppl asking
for me not to do sequels. So...yah. Sorry if you dun like this idea.
GOMEN!!!! KK, on with the story...~~**
*Incase you people don't know wut da "God tree" is, it's the tree InuYasha was arrowed to by Kikyo.
============= Chapter Thirty-Eight =============
"THEN .......STOP ACTING AS IF YOU LOVED ME!!" Kagome cried loudly as bitter tears started to stream down her cheeks.
InuYasha just stared up at her in shock.
~Love.....Kagome~
Something in his heart started clear up. His heart started to beat fast. He clutch his head,
A scene of Kikyo stretching out her arms towards InuYasha flashed through his mind. *I thought.....You loved me...* Kikyo whispered. ~Kikyo....~
"I don't want to know!" he spoke painfully, ~ If knowing will make everything worse~
Kagome stepped back, ~I had been about to tell him........that I loved him. But even now........he rejected me.......He doesn't want to know how I feel for him. He's too in love with Kikyo.......~
"I don't care anymore of whether you want to know how I feel or not! All you care about is Kikyo. All I wanted was to at least be in your heart, but even that is too much to ask for! Your heart is full of Kikyo who's love for you is nothing but a dead corpse! Go to hell with her, you think I care?! I give up on you, InuYasha! You're right, you make me miserable!" Kagome yelled at InuYasha, the bitterness and jealousy she had so well hidden now bursted out of her.
Kagome turned and ran.
InuYasha tried to grab her hands, but they slipped out.
"Kagome!" he yelled, as she ran out of the house.
"I do want to know.....and......I don't want to know. I was afraid that....by knowing.....it would hurt you and Kikyo ...... more.......If I found out what it was my heart was hiding" InuYasha whispered.
~But even when I try to do something for you.......it always goes against you......everything I do.....always hurts you. Kagome......you are in my heart, and always will be~
InuYasha unsteadily stood up as he walked out side, blood trailing his steps.
.InuYasha looked around, hoping to see Kagome, but he saw footprints in the slushy snow trailed far away. He stood in front of the *God tree, rain pouring hard onto him.
~This is where Kikyo had shot me to.....~ InuYasha tightly closed his eyes from the pain the memory brought him. He leaned against the tree,
*****Flashback*****
"I don't care anymore whether you want to know how I feel or not! All you care about is Kikyo. All I wanted was to at least be in your heart, but even that is too much to ask for! Your heart is full of Kikyo who's love for you is nothing but a dead corpse! Go to hell with her, you think I care?! I give up on you, InuYasha! You're right, you make me miserable!"
*****End of Flashback*****
InuYasha dug his claws into the bark of the tree, and slumped to the ground.
~Another proof.......that you are the reincarnation of Kikyo. Just like she pierced me through my heart with her arrows, you pierced your words through my heart........and you'll leave me.......and hate me.....just like her........~
InuYasha could feel the wet snow soaking through his Haori, and the freezing cold rain dribbling against his bare back. He stared at the gray slush of melted snow.
~It wouldn't have been that bad.....if Kagome was happy......but because of me.......Damn her, if it wasn't for her, I would be with Kikyo, without a doubt in hell. But when you came into my life......you showed me something........better. No, what am I thinking, being with Kikyo is all I wanted......isn't it? Kagome, why do you have to make me all confused, thinking of you now makes me want to die. But.......every pain I felt because of you.......was all worth it. I don't regret having met you. The only thing I regret......is that you were hurt because you met me~
InuYasha stuck his claws into the tree as he forced himself to get up.
"I wish....that you were happy"
He could still feel his heart beating fast from what Kagome had yelled at him,
"THEN .......STOP ACTING AS IF YOU LOVED ME!!"
~Did I act as if I loved her.....? But if what I felt for Kikyo was love, I can't be in love with Kagome. What I feel for Kagome is different. It doesn't feel like the love I had for Kikyo. Or.....what I feel for Kagome.......is it.....true love.....is that why it feels different. Was what I had for Kikyo.....a love that was shallow? NO! Stop confusing me, I loved Kikyo. I'd die for her......I love Kikyo.......~
InuYasha sighed, "But what's the point now.....Kagome hates me now"
*****************************
Kagome stood in her tracks, unable to run anymore. She could feel hot tears running down her cheeks.
She stared down at her reflection in the pool of gray water. She touched her cheeks in shock.
"I feel like...such a monster......"
A flash of InuYasha all wounded with blood soaked on his hands flashed through her mind. "He was hurt.........he didn't need to hear what I had yelled at him........how could I have been so.......uncaring"
Kagome saw tears dropping into the puddle, "I said that I was giving up on him......but that was a lie.....I told him that I didn't care if he went to hell with her.......that was a lie as well" Kagome tightly shut her eyes, ~What have I become out of jealousy.......~
She shot her eyes open, "I have.......I am....becoming like Kikyo" Kagome turned and ran back towards home. Tears flew off her cheeks.
"Is my love for him as weak as Kikyo to turn against him so easily?!" Kagome cried out in the rain, her voice muffled in the sound of pouring rain.
Kagome covered her face as she ran, ~What have I become......the last person I want to be is the person.....who doesn't deserve InuYasha's love! But...then again, why shouldn't he love her. She was said to be so......perfect. I never knew Kikyo when she was her true self......"
*****Flashback*****
"That's because you never knew her from before!! She was a great person then!!!! That is that person I love before and now and forever!" InuYasha yelled at her angrily.
*****End of Flashback*****
"I never knew her before......She's already too good for me. But back then.....I must have been nothing compared to her. She must have been so perfect, kind, pure......and everything I will never be able to be. That is the person InuYasha loves........"
~But no matter what, I know InuYasha needs me right now. If I could just make him at peace for a while, that's all I'll need...... I want him to be happy~
*****************************
InuYasha still stood, leaning against the God tree.
"Kagome...hates me......as Kikyo did. I had thought.....that Kagome....was different. I thought.....that Kagome would never be able to hate me" InuYasha whispered. ~I guess.....my choices are now all cut down, leaving.....Kikyo. Is she the one I am to chose......I can't chose Kagome. She hates me. But Kikyo.....~
InuYasha unsteadily walked towards the well that would transport him back to the Feudal Era.
He looked back one last time before leaving to Kikyo. He looked down the well in hesitation.
~I don't want to leave Kagome.....But I realize that my fate was decided. I just kept avoiding it. My fate is to be with Kikyo........It's so obvious now. Knowing my fate.......why do I feel so empty and alone. I should be happy that I could be with Kikyo now.......~
*****************************
"InuYasha!!" Kagome cried out, searching for InuYasha. She ran into the house and saw a trail of blood leading back out. Her heart beated fast, ~Blood.... I didn't know that he was bleeding this much~
Kagome followed the trail of blood that led to the God tree.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried out Her heart stopped bleeding when she saw a faint trail of blood leading somewhere else. The blood slowly washing away from the rain. Her eyes followed it......it lead to the well.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried, ~Please don't be gone........InuYasha. He probably is comparing me with Kikyo.......that I'm the same as her. Quick to love, and quick to hate. BUT THAT'S NOT ME!~
Kagome ran towards the place where the well was.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried as she ran into the place. But it was empty.
InuYasha was gone.
Kagome desperately jumped down the well, ~All will be fine, I'll tell him right away when I get there that I don't hate him......the longer I take, the longer he would suffer......~
Kagome crashed down to the bottom.
"SHIT!"Kagome cried, she had forgotten her Shikon fragment in her room. Kagome gave a cry of agony as she got out of the well and ran back home.
*****************************
"Kagome hates me......." InuYasha muttered as he unsteadily walked through the forest, "she hates me......." he muttered again. Each time he muttered the words, it felt as if an arrow had shot into his bare heart, but he wanted the pain. He wanted to punish himself for all the misery he had brought on Kagome.
A scene of Kikyo shooting an arrow at him, then a picture of Kagome's bitter face flashed through his mind.
"They are the same......I never was able to believe that...until now. They both were meant to hate me.......I thought you were different Kagome, I wished......you were. It's almost hard to believe now that this is my last time I'll ever see you"
"InuYasha!!" Someone called his name.
"Kagome.......?" InuYasha turned around to find out that it was Kikyo.
She walked up to him and coldly looked at him, but then her eyes turned wide in shock as she saw his bloody wounds.
"InuYasha!" Kikyo cried, but her tone still had her coldness in it. She couldn't forget that scene...that scene she had seen with InuYasha and Kagome holding each other lovingly. All she could think of was, ~That person should have been me~
"Kikyo......"
"InuYasha what happen?"
"Do you.......hate me?"
Silence.
Kikyo shut her eyes, "You make it hard for me to answer......I do.....love you. But I at the same time hate you. I don't know what to feel with you. At the same time you say you love me, there is that other girl, Kagome"
InuYasha looked away, "I'm done with her........" he whispered painfully, "I left her.......or......rather she left me. I realized that from the start you and I were supposed to be together.......it's just that......."
"So you are saying that you shall finally come to hell with me?" Kikyo coolly asked, ~Living itself is not worth it if I can't live it with you......though the thought of living on earth is tempting.....but my chance to become human is out of reach. This will do.......~
"Yes" InuYasha answered quietly.
Kikyo felt a cold tear drop from her cheeks, "She left you....but not you. Does she hate you......"
InuYasha nodded.
Kikyo gripped her fingers into a fist as her nails dug into her palm, "And yet......You don't hate her as you had hated me!" Kikyo cried.
"Kikyo! Our situation was different!" InuYasha cried.
"No it wasn't! I hated you then, so you hated me back. She hated you, but you don't hate her back. The situation does not matter!!! It is I you are supposed to love! Not her! Why, InuYasha?! Why do you hurt me like this? Why do you make it so hard for me to hate you, and yet hard for me to love you?" Kikyo cried in anguish.
InuYasha touched her face, "Kikyo! I swear I love you"
"How can you promise that you love me when your heart is not even sure you mean it? DON'T say things you don't mean!!!!!!!"
~If I let you go now.......I may not be able to have you back. I want to stop this throbbing pain in my heart......now~ Kikyo thought bitterly.
"I want you to love me Kikyo! I don't want to hurt any one of you!" InuYasha said.
"Then prove it.......come with me to hell, where we can be together forever"
~Will the pain in my heart die.........if I follow you~ InuYasha thought, ~Will I be able to forget about Kagome.....No, I don't want to forget about her......I wonder how she will be without me~
InuYasha looked down at the snow on the ground, it had not rained in this era. He saw his blood spreading over the white snow.
"Yes.....I'll go with you" he whispered, ~I feel so empty, so alone, so lost. I'll never be able to see.......Kagome again. If I go with you Kikyo, will I forget that Kagome hates me.....I feel so alone without you....Kagome~
**~~ Ah hah hah hah, dat was kinda short. GOMEN gomen! I'll try to write longer next time! MAN! I'm slacking off on my homework! EEEeeee, I have to stop writing all the time! But....I'm addicted! -_- ~~**
*Incase you people don't know wut da "God tree" is, it's the tree InuYasha was arrowed to by Kikyo.
============= Chapter Thirty-Eight =============
"THEN .......STOP ACTING AS IF YOU LOVED ME!!" Kagome cried loudly as bitter tears started to stream down her cheeks.
InuYasha just stared up at her in shock.
~Love.....Kagome~
Something in his heart started clear up. His heart started to beat fast. He clutch his head,
A scene of Kikyo stretching out her arms towards InuYasha flashed through his mind. *I thought.....You loved me...* Kikyo whispered. ~Kikyo....~
"I don't want to know!" he spoke painfully, ~ If knowing will make everything worse~
Kagome stepped back, ~I had been about to tell him........that I loved him. But even now........he rejected me.......He doesn't want to know how I feel for him. He's too in love with Kikyo.......~
"I don't care anymore of whether you want to know how I feel or not! All you care about is Kikyo. All I wanted was to at least be in your heart, but even that is too much to ask for! Your heart is full of Kikyo who's love for you is nothing but a dead corpse! Go to hell with her, you think I care?! I give up on you, InuYasha! You're right, you make me miserable!" Kagome yelled at InuYasha, the bitterness and jealousy she had so well hidden now bursted out of her.
Kagome turned and ran.
InuYasha tried to grab her hands, but they slipped out.
"Kagome!" he yelled, as she ran out of the house.
"I do want to know.....and......I don't want to know. I was afraid that....by knowing.....it would hurt you and Kikyo ...... more.......If I found out what it was my heart was hiding" InuYasha whispered.
~But even when I try to do something for you.......it always goes against you......everything I do.....always hurts you. Kagome......you are in my heart, and always will be~
InuYasha unsteadily stood up as he walked out side, blood trailing his steps.
.InuYasha looked around, hoping to see Kagome, but he saw footprints in the slushy snow trailed far away. He stood in front of the *God tree, rain pouring hard onto him.
~This is where Kikyo had shot me to.....~ InuYasha tightly closed his eyes from the pain the memory brought him. He leaned against the tree,
*****Flashback*****
"I don't care anymore whether you want to know how I feel or not! All you care about is Kikyo. All I wanted was to at least be in your heart, but even that is too much to ask for! Your heart is full of Kikyo who's love for you is nothing but a dead corpse! Go to hell with her, you think I care?! I give up on you, InuYasha! You're right, you make me miserable!"
*****End of Flashback*****
InuYasha dug his claws into the bark of the tree, and slumped to the ground.
~Another proof.......that you are the reincarnation of Kikyo. Just like she pierced me through my heart with her arrows, you pierced your words through my heart........and you'll leave me.......and hate me.....just like her........~
InuYasha could feel the wet snow soaking through his Haori, and the freezing cold rain dribbling against his bare back. He stared at the gray slush of melted snow.
~It wouldn't have been that bad.....if Kagome was happy......but because of me.......Damn her, if it wasn't for her, I would be with Kikyo, without a doubt in hell. But when you came into my life......you showed me something........better. No, what am I thinking, being with Kikyo is all I wanted......isn't it? Kagome, why do you have to make me all confused, thinking of you now makes me want to die. But.......every pain I felt because of you.......was all worth it. I don't regret having met you. The only thing I regret......is that you were hurt because you met me~
InuYasha stuck his claws into the tree as he forced himself to get up.
"I wish....that you were happy"
He could still feel his heart beating fast from what Kagome had yelled at him,
"THEN .......STOP ACTING AS IF YOU LOVED ME!!"
~Did I act as if I loved her.....? But if what I felt for Kikyo was love, I can't be in love with Kagome. What I feel for Kagome is different. It doesn't feel like the love I had for Kikyo. Or.....what I feel for Kagome.......is it.....true love.....is that why it feels different. Was what I had for Kikyo.....a love that was shallow? NO! Stop confusing me, I loved Kikyo. I'd die for her......I love Kikyo.......~
InuYasha sighed, "But what's the point now.....Kagome hates me now"
*****************************
Kagome stood in her tracks, unable to run anymore. She could feel hot tears running down her cheeks.
She stared down at her reflection in the pool of gray water. She touched her cheeks in shock.
"I feel like...such a monster......"
A flash of InuYasha all wounded with blood soaked on his hands flashed through her mind. "He was hurt.........he didn't need to hear what I had yelled at him........how could I have been so.......uncaring"
Kagome saw tears dropping into the puddle, "I said that I was giving up on him......but that was a lie.....I told him that I didn't care if he went to hell with her.......that was a lie as well" Kagome tightly shut her eyes, ~What have I become out of jealousy.......~
She shot her eyes open, "I have.......I am....becoming like Kikyo" Kagome turned and ran back towards home. Tears flew off her cheeks.
"Is my love for him as weak as Kikyo to turn against him so easily?!" Kagome cried out in the rain, her voice muffled in the sound of pouring rain.
Kagome covered her face as she ran, ~What have I become......the last person I want to be is the person.....who doesn't deserve InuYasha's love! But...then again, why shouldn't he love her. She was said to be so......perfect. I never knew Kikyo when she was her true self......"
*****Flashback*****
"That's because you never knew her from before!! She was a great person then!!!! That is that person I love before and now and forever!" InuYasha yelled at her angrily.
*****End of Flashback*****
"I never knew her before......She's already too good for me. But back then.....I must have been nothing compared to her. She must have been so perfect, kind, pure......and everything I will never be able to be. That is the person InuYasha loves........"
~But no matter what, I know InuYasha needs me right now. If I could just make him at peace for a while, that's all I'll need...... I want him to be happy~
*****************************
InuYasha still stood, leaning against the God tree.
"Kagome...hates me......as Kikyo did. I had thought.....that Kagome....was different. I thought.....that Kagome would never be able to hate me" InuYasha whispered. ~I guess.....my choices are now all cut down, leaving.....Kikyo. Is she the one I am to chose......I can't chose Kagome. She hates me. But Kikyo.....~
InuYasha unsteadily walked towards the well that would transport him back to the Feudal Era.
He looked back one last time before leaving to Kikyo. He looked down the well in hesitation.
~I don't want to leave Kagome.....But I realize that my fate was decided. I just kept avoiding it. My fate is to be with Kikyo........It's so obvious now. Knowing my fate.......why do I feel so empty and alone. I should be happy that I could be with Kikyo now.......~
*****************************
"InuYasha!!" Kagome cried out, searching for InuYasha. She ran into the house and saw a trail of blood leading back out. Her heart beated fast, ~Blood.... I didn't know that he was bleeding this much~
Kagome followed the trail of blood that led to the God tree.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried out Her heart stopped bleeding when she saw a faint trail of blood leading somewhere else. The blood slowly washing away from the rain. Her eyes followed it......it lead to the well.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried, ~Please don't be gone........InuYasha. He probably is comparing me with Kikyo.......that I'm the same as her. Quick to love, and quick to hate. BUT THAT'S NOT ME!~
Kagome ran towards the place where the well was.
"InuYasha!" Kagome cried as she ran into the place. But it was empty.
InuYasha was gone.
Kagome desperately jumped down the well, ~All will be fine, I'll tell him right away when I get there that I don't hate him......the longer I take, the longer he would suffer......~
Kagome crashed down to the bottom.
"SHIT!"Kagome cried, she had forgotten her Shikon fragment in her room. Kagome gave a cry of agony as she got out of the well and ran back home.
*****************************
"Kagome hates me......." InuYasha muttered as he unsteadily walked through the forest, "she hates me......." he muttered again. Each time he muttered the words, it felt as if an arrow had shot into his bare heart, but he wanted the pain. He wanted to punish himself for all the misery he had brought on Kagome.
A scene of Kikyo shooting an arrow at him, then a picture of Kagome's bitter face flashed through his mind.
"They are the same......I never was able to believe that...until now. They both were meant to hate me.......I thought you were different Kagome, I wished......you were. It's almost hard to believe now that this is my last time I'll ever see you"
"InuYasha!!" Someone called his name.
"Kagome.......?" InuYasha turned around to find out that it was Kikyo.
She walked up to him and coldly looked at him, but then her eyes turned wide in shock as she saw his bloody wounds.
"InuYasha!" Kikyo cried, but her tone still had her coldness in it. She couldn't forget that scene...that scene she had seen with InuYasha and Kagome holding each other lovingly. All she could think of was, ~That person should have been me~
"Kikyo......"
"InuYasha what happen?"
"Do you.......hate me?"
Silence.
Kikyo shut her eyes, "You make it hard for me to answer......I do.....love you. But I at the same time hate you. I don't know what to feel with you. At the same time you say you love me, there is that other girl, Kagome"
InuYasha looked away, "I'm done with her........" he whispered painfully, "I left her.......or......rather she left me. I realized that from the start you and I were supposed to be together.......it's just that......."
"So you are saying that you shall finally come to hell with me?" Kikyo coolly asked, ~Living itself is not worth it if I can't live it with you......though the thought of living on earth is tempting.....but my chance to become human is out of reach. This will do.......~
"Yes" InuYasha answered quietly.
Kikyo felt a cold tear drop from her cheeks, "She left you....but not you. Does she hate you......"
InuYasha nodded.
Kikyo gripped her fingers into a fist as her nails dug into her palm, "And yet......You don't hate her as you had hated me!" Kikyo cried.
"Kikyo! Our situation was different!" InuYasha cried.
"No it wasn't! I hated you then, so you hated me back. She hated you, but you don't hate her back. The situation does not matter!!! It is I you are supposed to love! Not her! Why, InuYasha?! Why do you hurt me like this? Why do you make it so hard for me to hate you, and yet hard for me to love you?" Kikyo cried in anguish.
InuYasha touched her face, "Kikyo! I swear I love you"
"How can you promise that you love me when your heart is not even sure you mean it? DON'T say things you don't mean!!!!!!!"
~If I let you go now.......I may not be able to have you back. I want to stop this throbbing pain in my heart......now~ Kikyo thought bitterly.
"I want you to love me Kikyo! I don't want to hurt any one of you!" InuYasha said.
"Then prove it.......come with me to hell, where we can be together forever"
~Will the pain in my heart die.........if I follow you~ InuYasha thought, ~Will I be able to forget about Kagome.....No, I don't want to forget about her......I wonder how she will be without me~
InuYasha looked down at the snow on the ground, it had not rained in this era. He saw his blood spreading over the white snow.
"Yes.....I'll go with you" he whispered, ~I feel so empty, so alone, so lost. I'll never be able to see.......Kagome again. If I go with you Kikyo, will I forget that Kagome hates me.....I feel so alone without you....Kagome~
**~~ Ah hah hah hah, dat was kinda short. GOMEN gomen! I'll try to write longer next time! MAN! I'm slacking off on my homework! EEEeeee, I have to stop writing all the time! But....I'm addicted! -_- ~~**