Monkey Puzzle
Story 1: Bad Human
"So the Captain's of a mind ye be lucky, an' with his retirin' an' all 'as given ye to me."
Looks like it.
"Though what I'm t'do with a pet monkey is a bit beyond me."
That would be a problem. If I was either a pet or a monkey.
"So I'm of th'thought ye're not terrible lucky fer me, as now I've t'take care o'ye."
Your problem, ugly. And don't look at me like that.
"Scrawny little devil ye be as well... waste of a bullet t'shoot ye."
I said don't look at... you didn't just. Oh, you did. BAD HUMAN BAD! NO TOUCH!
"AAGH! Why ye mangy cur, I'll...."
Oh, what are you going to do with that? Can't even tell I'm not a dog and you point things at me. LEARN YOUR LESSON! BAD HUMAN!
...dammit.
"This time ye missed."
Not next time I won't. You're a slow learner.
"Well now... perhaps ye can be trained at that. I'll 'ave t'think on a name."
I have a name, but I suppose it's a harmless enough change. You'll do for now.