Hey everybody! I'm really REALLY sorry it took such a long time to update!
I was suffering from a serious illness.
It's called Writerus' Blockterieus!
And how painful it was! To open your word file and stare at the screen with no ideas whatsoever coming into your head. Ouch. But I'm ok now! Yay, I'm so happy.
If this chapter sucks, go easy on me because I just recovered from writer's block (if you didn't get what I meant by Writerus' Blockterieus, it means Writer's block. Yeah, lame joke. I know.).
Oh and by the way. I made some stupid mistakes in Chapter 11. It's not Crebains from Dudeland. (Lmao..Dudeland.) it's DUNland. I wasn't paying much attention when I read that part. And I didn't really clarify what Gandalf said when he said they were gonna cross over Redhorn then to Cahadhras. *I* didn't even understand what I meant. Probably becuz Cahadhras is elvish for Redhorn. At least that's what I heard.
Anywho, I know that this chapter's name was supposed to be, 'the pranking begins...' but this has nothing to do with the title cuz the whole plot just got mixed up. So I just wanna tell you that that title is PROBABLY gonna be next chapter's. So don't go telling me "HUH? Where's the pranks? Why did she say the title was ' the pranking begins' when there's no pranks?"
I guess I've talked myself out. So go ahead and read Chapter 12. Reviewer replies are at the bottom...
Xoxox--
AnGiL (Angeil+ Devil)
P.S : I'M REALLY SORRY! THIS CHAPTER'S GONNA SUCK! BEWARE!
*~*
I wanna give a special thanks to the reviewer Imbefaniel because he/she had been reviewing ever since the beginning of the story. So THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! *hands out home made cookies baked by herself* TRUST me, you DON'T wanna try those. I'm a terrible cook. I can't even eat cereal without screwing it up. Like spilling the milk...or opening the cereal box and all the cornflakes just fly up in the air...*sob* I'm a failure! Anyways, thank you so much.
*~*
CHAPTER TWELVE--
"Remember. We must keep our patience. Time will come when she turns a new leaf and treats us decently. Alright?" Gandalf said. They nodded solemnly.
They turned to Melda who was muttering gibberish, unaware of being watched. "I swear if I stay here any longer, I'm going to release my Alien monkeys disguised as yellow orangutans with guns from outer space at them. Or maybe something worst... How about my vicious pink spotted gorillas? They could be great killers. I wasn't able to tame them myself!"
"This going to be hard keeping my patience with a mental mortal." Legolas muttered.
Aragorn cleared his throat and Melda's attention turned to the nine smiling ear-to-ear at her. She couldn't help but take a step back. "Uh...what's up with you?
"Oh nothing at all my lady." Gimli said innocently with a big hairy(wha??) grin.
Melda kicked another rock, picked up her bag that she dropped on the ground and eyed them suspiciously. She had heard the words 'nice' and 'turn over a new leaf' while trying to eavesdrop.
Are they planning something??
"Ok then STOP STARING AT ME!"
"Well we better be going now." Gandalf said pulling up his sleeves. "We shall be climbing Mount Cahadhras."
"WHAT?! I'm not moving. I'm starving. You didn't give me my second breakfast and NOW YOU WANT ME TO CLIMB MOUNT CAHADHRAS!?" Melda yelled purposely right beside Legolas's ear that he jumped back a couple of meters from her loud voice.
Gandalf just nodded and sighed. "Very well, we shall rest for tonight."
"What the-!" Melda said unbelievably. Then she began thinking hard (for the first time, actually), 'Yesssss, their up to something, preciuousssss. Ok what the hell!? I'm starting to think like Lord of the Rings. Damn you who ever did this to me!!! Ok....I know something's going on. Their up to something and hell I'm not gonna let them do anything to me. I bet they're being all nice so they can get me back after. Yes, that's it. If that's the case, I won't let them get to me..I say a lot of "me" don't I??'
Gandalf said, "But we shall not be resting here, because those Crebains have already spotted us. If we walk a couple of meters farther, we shall find a good spot."
Melda didn't complain and just grinned evilly, still thinking of what she was just thinking of the thought of the thinking part of the thought that she just thought of (a/n: confused you didn't I? I sure as hell confused myself!!).
Her smile widened and the hobbits shot her a worried glance. "Evilness at it's worst now.." She muttered and cackled like a witch.
Legolas looked at her suspiciously. He heard what she was saying.
She cleared her throat and pranced up to Boromir. "Hey Bor." She began to laugh for five minutes straight at the nickname before he had a chance to answer back.
But when he did he said, "Hallo Melda."
"May I see your hand?" She asked with an 'innocent' look on her face, just like a little girl as she wiped away a tear. "I'm so sorry I bit it, I wasn't thinking clearly."
"Do you ever?" Legolas asked.
Melda gave him an evil glare and mouthed, 'You're next'.
"Why do want to see it?" Boromir asked.
"Well...I just wanna see if it's still badly injured." Melda said oh-ever- so innocently.
"Well..alright." He said. And to his stupidity, lack of common sense, idiocy, senselessness, folly, craz--well you get the picture--he removed his glove and his bandage and let Melda examine it.
It stopped bleeding a while ago and was healing but it shall forever leave a scar. Melda frowned. She had bit him hard and it was supposed to still be bleeding. So for no reason, she picked up a convenient near by rock and whacked it hard on Boromir's healing hand. His eyes bulged in pain and he let out the loudest scream ever heard from a man. The hand began to bleed immediately and it was rushing more than before.
The other eight looked at her in shock. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!?!?" Boromir yelled.
"You know what? I have no idea." Melda said.
He lunged at her but it had to take all the hobbits plus Aragorn to stop him. "Remember what Gandalf said! Boromir please hold yourself!" Merry yelled desperately as he clung to his leg.
"How can I hold myself?! I CAN BARELY FEEL MY HAND!!!"
Gandalf sighed. "Sometimes I wish I were mortal..."
*~*
"Where is an orc when you need one?" Boromir muttered morbidly as Sam healed his hand and tried to bandage it. "I would not even make an effort to stop them from kidnapping her."
"Aww poor baby." Melda mocked.
"Shut up you filthy human." Legolas said.
"No why don't YOU shut up and go back to combing your hair!" She retorted.
"Why should I shut up? I barely talk. You're the one with the mouth that never closes so you shut up." Legolas replied angrily.
"No you should shut up. You're voice is horrible!"
"My voice? Then you certainly have not heard yours! You should be beheaded for an assault on our ears."
"Shut up!"
"You shut up."
"No you--"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" Gandalf yelled. Everyone was suddenly silent. The wizard sighed and rubbed his temple. He seemed to have more wrinkles than before and his every hair was out of place (as if it already wasn't) from the stress. It's impossible to be nice to Melda. She never even gives you the chance!
They all sat and watched the fire crackle as the night engulfed the lands. Melda and Legolas were still glaring at each other. Oh and Boromir was glaring at her too. No, let's be more truthful; EVERYBODY was glaring at her.
"Is that better, Mr. Boromir?" Sam said as he finished bandaging. "Can you move your hand?"
Boromir grabbed his right wrist with his other hand and tried to move his fingers. "Yes...thank goodness. Because if I couldn't, I would have thrown that witch into the fire."
"Enough." Gandalf said firmly.
Melda sighed, picked up her blanket and moved as far away from the fellowship as possible.
She sat on the cover she put on the ground and for the first time she arrived in Middle-earth, she looked into her bag. "I miss home..." She said and suddenly she found herself also saying, "I actually miss Mr. Daryl too." Her evil math teacher. She picked out a book and looked at it. It was Math exercises Level 2. "Eww! What was I saying?!" She said as she looked in disgust at the math book and threw it on the ground for the wrags passing by the next day to eat it.
"Why the hell did I bring both my Mp3 and CD player with me?" She said as she picked up both items, then shrugged it off as she took her CD and began to listen to music. As she dug further into the bag she came across a pack of messed up papers. Looking at it, she remembered what it was. Macey gave her those papers she printed to read. It was another one of those traditional Mary-Sue fics. Macey simply loved them and she would always force Melda to read them. And that is how she came to know these evil creatures that fall in love with the stupidest characters like Leggy-loo- loo.
Melda read two lines and then ripped the paper to pieces. 'Of all the females out there, it had to be me huh?' she thought. 'And to sum everything all up, my so-called Mary-Sue life is completely the opposite of what it should be.'
Then she found yet ANOTHER story she was supposed to read. She promised Macey that she would read it ever since six months ago and yet, she never did. "I...guess I could read it to help me fall asleep." Melda said as she snuggled under her blankets and pulled the paper up to her nose to read better because she was so far away from the campfire.
Turns out that the story was a slash fic of Legolas and Aragorn and it was pretty exciting. Well...not to Melda...she fell asleep right after barely finishing the first sentence.
*~*
Melda suddenly woke up. She couldn't see anything for her vision was blurry but she could hear two men talking in Elvish.
'Since when did Dad and Grandpa learn how to speak elvish?' She thought as she rubbed her eyes and then remembered everything again. She hissed and slammed her head on the flood. 'Why? Why? WHY ME!'
Melda sat up and looked around. Her bag and papers were scattered everywhere and her CD player was lying next to her so she picked it up and looked at it. "Ah, shit. What better way to finish you batteries? Listen to it while your asleep, eh?"
She suddenly got up and walked past Legolas and Aragorn who were the two talking together. The others were asleep.
"Hey were are you going?" Aragorn said suspiciously as he saw Melda.
"To pee." She said sleepily. "Wanna join me?"
"Err...no thanks. HEY NOT THAT FAR!!" He yelled as Melda was almost out of sight.
"Well if you're so desperate in seeing me half naked, then why don't you just join me?!" She yelled over.
"I don't want to see you half naked!" Aragorn said in disgust. "I just don't want you getting away because--hey what is wrong with you?!" He suddenly yelled at Legolas who's face was white with shock. His mouth was wide open and he was staring at nothing in particular.
"Aragorn..." He said slowly. "I just got a mental image..."
Aragorn began laughing and slapped Legolas on the back. "Let us hope it does not stick in your mind!"
*~*
Melda found a bush far from where the fellowship was resting and hoped that Legolas' stupid elf eyes couldn't see her.
Of course she was joking around when she asked Aragorn to join her. I mean, who would want a big hairy guy who's dating a woman with donkey sized ears standing there watching you pee?? (A/N: Oops no offence...(-;)
As she lazily pulled off her pants and underwear (A/N: Don't wanna be dirty here, but this is part of the plot. Sorry.), she eyed the two as they talked together. 'If only I had a weapon, I would have killed them right from the start...'
Suddenly she heard something rustling in the bushes. Melda looked cautiously around, her heart beating fast. What kind of sick person would sneak up on her to see her naked?
"A-Aragorn? Is that you?" Melda asked. "I was just joking around! I didn't really mean for you to come..."
No answer came.
"Damn it! Why did I have to drink so much water!?" She muttered helplessly.
The rustling became louder and Melda was getting really freaked out. "Who cares! I'd rather pee in my pants than have them see me half naked!" She said as she was about to pull up her clothes but somebody out of nowhere tackled her.
Melda let out a scream and the person tried to cover her mouth. "Let go of me you big fat--OH MY GOD!! AN ORC!!!" She screamed louder and the orc hit her hard across the face.
More orcs where coming out of the bushes with evil grins spread across their faces. "I'M GONNA GET RAPED BY FUCKIN' ORCS!!"
She received another blow across the face. Suddenly she heard another noise coming.
Aragorn and Legolas came sprinting to the spot. Legolas shot the orc who was on top of Melda right in the neck and it fell on her side. She quickly pulled up her underwear and watched as Aragorn slew two other orcs.
"RUN!" He yelled to Melda who was still staring, and she immediately got up to run but then she tripped over her pants that she didn't pull up and another orc, that came out of the bushes, took the advantage to get her.
He grabbed her pants and Melda screamed again. "GET OFF ME YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT!!" She tried to kick him in the face put he bit her foot.
Legolas came and stabbed him in the back with his Elven daggers. "Quickly! Run!"
Melda obeyed and ran away, this time, nothing stopped her but still, having no idea which direction she were going.
By the time, Legolas and Aragorn had slew all the orcs and none other came jumping out of the bushes. Legolas looked at the corpses in disgust and kicked one on the head. "They are bearing the white hand of Saruman. Like Gandalf had said, they are serving him."
"Where did Melda go?" Aragorn said, looking around. "I saw her take the north direction instead of the south."
Legolas looked around and saw Melda walking back to them. "I couldn't find my way back, where's camp?" She asked blushing madly. No one had ever seen her naked and guess who decides to change that way? An elf, a man whom she both hates and a couple disgusting, dirty orcs. 'Great. Absolutely-- marvelously great.'
Legolas decided to look else where than her bare legs and began wiping orc blood off his daggers with his worn-out cloak and then began plucking his arrows out of the orc corpses. "A burden she is to us. Nothing more. That must be why the real fellowship Elrond wanted us to be before, had been all men." He muttered in Elvish.
Melda began insulting him in Chinese even though she had no idea what he was saying.
Aragorn took off his cloak and wrapped it around her waist. "Come. We must hurry back to camp and warn the others. We should get your foot cleaned too. It might be contaminated by the orc's teeth. You never know."
"Thanks..." Melda muttered, her face turning redder.
"What was that? I am sorry I did not hear it properly. Can you please repeat it one more time?" Legolas said with a sly smile as he arranged his arrows back in his quiver.
"I. Said. Thank. You." Melda said through clenched teeth.
"Ahh much better. But next time, say more enthusiastically."
"Fuck you, you pointy eared she-male. I still hate you both any way."
*~*
Aaaah! Yay! I finally finished writing it! Oh god, I think this was the longest chapter I ever wrote! Yes it was also disturbing to some readers wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to go that way. It was supposed to be something totally different. Now I havta redo the whole plot again. If you didn't like this chapter, once again, I'm sorry. I stayed up all night typing this and after to morrow I have school (spring break is over!! NOOO!).
Right now it's six am, I'm gonna get in trouble for swiping my dad's laptop for a couple of hours and because my tattle tale stupid immature 18 year old sister found me on the computer at 4:00 and now she's gonna tell my dad and now he's gonna turn off the internet. Ok you did NOT have to know my life story. (But I'll find a way to come back! MWHAHAHAHAH!!)
Please read my new fic "I'm a natural blond, so please speak slowly..." about Legolas as a dumb blond. It's pretty funny I guess.
Oh and can some one help me? How do you do italics?! I write them on 'word' but then when I upload them, it doesn't work anyways please answer back.
*~*
Review replies. (Sorry if I'm gonna offend anyone because I'm in a cranky mood right now.) I GOT A somewhat FLAMER!! HEHE!
Evil Aryante: Aaaaaaw THANKS!! *blush* Hehe. Well then stop wasting plastic! (If your desk is made out of plastic, which I'm sure is not)
Culdil: Thankies! I like fics like that too. It's just so funny reading the fellowship lose their patience. I like Leggomances too. But when I read him doing something to the girl (or in some cases, Aragorn) I would be like 'Naaa! That's not him! He would never do that.'
Hi-Tech-Tuathan: Lolz! Thanks! Oh yeh. I've been arrested lots of times for doing that. (MWAAHHHAHAHA!!) Actually I've been arrested for claiming that I own LotR. *sob* Now I don't own it anymore!? Melda muse: 'Will you SHUT UP!? I can't believe some one would like that stupid movie.' Oh sorry. I think I like the idea of having a Melda muse...its kinda fun!
Dragon-denna: Yay! I was gonna write before that I can't write anymore, cuz I'm on a writer's block but now you can forget it, because I'm cured!! WHOO- HOO!! (yes, I think this chapter sucked)
Imbefaniel: Yup I'm on elfwood 2. But that site is kinda starting to annoy me. Yes I am jealous. I admit it. There's so many good artists there and it makes me angry that I'm not as good and that I'll probably never get the chance to be on Moderator's choice! *ahem* Thanks for the review. Is it ok if I use these suggestions in my story? Oh yeah and I want to ask you one more thing. DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE IN MELDA'S PLACE?? Lol...me finks me know the answer...
Lightning: Yeah uploading is pretty hard. But I found out how to work it out on my own! HAHA! NIA NIA!! Sorry I'm in a cranky/hyper mood right now.
Lulu bell: Well I like some of X-tina's songs too. But she sucks (no offence). And about the BC thingy *looks around* I knew you were joking! Eh...he...he. And about the cancer thingy, I don't really care if there's a rumor going around about Mc Donald's causing cancer. It's one of the best fast foods restaurants I've been to. Or something like that, I like Scores. Anyways, life's too short to think about the consequences! Just go out there and have fun!! I'm more of a risk-taker/daredevil kind of person. P.S: If u like blond stuff see my other fic, 'I'm a natural blond, so please speak slowly'.
Nihtfyr: Thanks! And here are the strange things that shall be explained.
1)I've just cleared them up. Feel better?
2)I'm sorry. But I ain't professional. And besides, almost everything was perfect but when I uploaded them, the whole thing just got screwed up.
3)Well you know, people get first impressions. I also said, that Legolas starts saying that it's oily and dirty and stuff. I was also giving a brief description of Melda's features if you don't mind.
4)Thank you. Ok I admit I had too much A/N's but what do you mean 'stop comparing whatever they do to the movie'? I don't understand. You might want to explain to me again, please.
Videl-14: Hmmm...not bad about Gandalf's idea. But I prefer Melda nagging him about it. Thanks by the way, hope this one wasn't so bad.
Rogue Solus: Really? Hehe! Thanks. It encourages me to do more evil.
Alex Buller (chap 8): Lol, thanks.
Alex Buller (chap 4): YES! YOU MUST!
Alex Buller (chap 2): Thanks. Pip is so cute!
Alex Bulled (CHAP ONE!!! Ooops sorry): Oh hey! I'm flattered! Thanks!
1/2 of Kate and Amy, Partners in Crime: So here's the flamer thingy. Ok listen. The truth why I wrote all those HALARIOUS and the *funny funny* is to get people interested. And it worked. Plus this is my story, I don't care if you think the idea of Mary-Sue is a little over done because this is not the traditional kind. Have you even READ the whole story?? And I'm not bragging. I think it appears to be amusing too. Just not in the first chapter. And I see that you left a comment there only. So please, shut up, read the whole damn thing, and THEN you comment. Oops! Am I starting to sound like your friend Kate? By using BIG harsh words? Haha, wtv
*~*
There! I'm done. I had fun answering the flamer. I saw the Ring yesterday and I didn't sleep I'm totally freaked out. Right now, REVIEW!! REVIEW!!
Oh and I've been really bored lately, so if anyone wanna chat or something, send me an e-mail or add me on msn at Fenrir_11@hotmail.com that's the account I use most.
So please review for the moment!
It's called Writerus' Blockterieus!
And how painful it was! To open your word file and stare at the screen with no ideas whatsoever coming into your head. Ouch. But I'm ok now! Yay, I'm so happy.
If this chapter sucks, go easy on me because I just recovered from writer's block (if you didn't get what I meant by Writerus' Blockterieus, it means Writer's block. Yeah, lame joke. I know.).
Oh and by the way. I made some stupid mistakes in Chapter 11. It's not Crebains from Dudeland. (Lmao..Dudeland.) it's DUNland. I wasn't paying much attention when I read that part. And I didn't really clarify what Gandalf said when he said they were gonna cross over Redhorn then to Cahadhras. *I* didn't even understand what I meant. Probably becuz Cahadhras is elvish for Redhorn. At least that's what I heard.
Anywho, I know that this chapter's name was supposed to be, 'the pranking begins...' but this has nothing to do with the title cuz the whole plot just got mixed up. So I just wanna tell you that that title is PROBABLY gonna be next chapter's. So don't go telling me "HUH? Where's the pranks? Why did she say the title was ' the pranking begins' when there's no pranks?"
I guess I've talked myself out. So go ahead and read Chapter 12. Reviewer replies are at the bottom...
Xoxox--
AnGiL (Angeil+ Devil)
P.S : I'M REALLY SORRY! THIS CHAPTER'S GONNA SUCK! BEWARE!
*~*
I wanna give a special thanks to the reviewer Imbefaniel because he/she had been reviewing ever since the beginning of the story. So THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! *hands out home made cookies baked by herself* TRUST me, you DON'T wanna try those. I'm a terrible cook. I can't even eat cereal without screwing it up. Like spilling the milk...or opening the cereal box and all the cornflakes just fly up in the air...*sob* I'm a failure! Anyways, thank you so much.
*~*
CHAPTER TWELVE--
"Remember. We must keep our patience. Time will come when she turns a new leaf and treats us decently. Alright?" Gandalf said. They nodded solemnly.
They turned to Melda who was muttering gibberish, unaware of being watched. "I swear if I stay here any longer, I'm going to release my Alien monkeys disguised as yellow orangutans with guns from outer space at them. Or maybe something worst... How about my vicious pink spotted gorillas? They could be great killers. I wasn't able to tame them myself!"
"This going to be hard keeping my patience with a mental mortal." Legolas muttered.
Aragorn cleared his throat and Melda's attention turned to the nine smiling ear-to-ear at her. She couldn't help but take a step back. "Uh...what's up with you?
"Oh nothing at all my lady." Gimli said innocently with a big hairy(wha??) grin.
Melda kicked another rock, picked up her bag that she dropped on the ground and eyed them suspiciously. She had heard the words 'nice' and 'turn over a new leaf' while trying to eavesdrop.
Are they planning something??
"Ok then STOP STARING AT ME!"
"Well we better be going now." Gandalf said pulling up his sleeves. "We shall be climbing Mount Cahadhras."
"WHAT?! I'm not moving. I'm starving. You didn't give me my second breakfast and NOW YOU WANT ME TO CLIMB MOUNT CAHADHRAS!?" Melda yelled purposely right beside Legolas's ear that he jumped back a couple of meters from her loud voice.
Gandalf just nodded and sighed. "Very well, we shall rest for tonight."
"What the-!" Melda said unbelievably. Then she began thinking hard (for the first time, actually), 'Yesssss, their up to something, preciuousssss. Ok what the hell!? I'm starting to think like Lord of the Rings. Damn you who ever did this to me!!! Ok....I know something's going on. Their up to something and hell I'm not gonna let them do anything to me. I bet they're being all nice so they can get me back after. Yes, that's it. If that's the case, I won't let them get to me..I say a lot of "me" don't I??'
Gandalf said, "But we shall not be resting here, because those Crebains have already spotted us. If we walk a couple of meters farther, we shall find a good spot."
Melda didn't complain and just grinned evilly, still thinking of what she was just thinking of the thought of the thinking part of the thought that she just thought of (a/n: confused you didn't I? I sure as hell confused myself!!).
Her smile widened and the hobbits shot her a worried glance. "Evilness at it's worst now.." She muttered and cackled like a witch.
Legolas looked at her suspiciously. He heard what she was saying.
She cleared her throat and pranced up to Boromir. "Hey Bor." She began to laugh for five minutes straight at the nickname before he had a chance to answer back.
But when he did he said, "Hallo Melda."
"May I see your hand?" She asked with an 'innocent' look on her face, just like a little girl as she wiped away a tear. "I'm so sorry I bit it, I wasn't thinking clearly."
"Do you ever?" Legolas asked.
Melda gave him an evil glare and mouthed, 'You're next'.
"Why do want to see it?" Boromir asked.
"Well...I just wanna see if it's still badly injured." Melda said oh-ever- so innocently.
"Well..alright." He said. And to his stupidity, lack of common sense, idiocy, senselessness, folly, craz--well you get the picture--he removed his glove and his bandage and let Melda examine it.
It stopped bleeding a while ago and was healing but it shall forever leave a scar. Melda frowned. She had bit him hard and it was supposed to still be bleeding. So for no reason, she picked up a convenient near by rock and whacked it hard on Boromir's healing hand. His eyes bulged in pain and he let out the loudest scream ever heard from a man. The hand began to bleed immediately and it was rushing more than before.
The other eight looked at her in shock. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!?!?" Boromir yelled.
"You know what? I have no idea." Melda said.
He lunged at her but it had to take all the hobbits plus Aragorn to stop him. "Remember what Gandalf said! Boromir please hold yourself!" Merry yelled desperately as he clung to his leg.
"How can I hold myself?! I CAN BARELY FEEL MY HAND!!!"
Gandalf sighed. "Sometimes I wish I were mortal..."
*~*
"Where is an orc when you need one?" Boromir muttered morbidly as Sam healed his hand and tried to bandage it. "I would not even make an effort to stop them from kidnapping her."
"Aww poor baby." Melda mocked.
"Shut up you filthy human." Legolas said.
"No why don't YOU shut up and go back to combing your hair!" She retorted.
"Why should I shut up? I barely talk. You're the one with the mouth that never closes so you shut up." Legolas replied angrily.
"No you should shut up. You're voice is horrible!"
"My voice? Then you certainly have not heard yours! You should be beheaded for an assault on our ears."
"Shut up!"
"You shut up."
"No you--"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" Gandalf yelled. Everyone was suddenly silent. The wizard sighed and rubbed his temple. He seemed to have more wrinkles than before and his every hair was out of place (as if it already wasn't) from the stress. It's impossible to be nice to Melda. She never even gives you the chance!
They all sat and watched the fire crackle as the night engulfed the lands. Melda and Legolas were still glaring at each other. Oh and Boromir was glaring at her too. No, let's be more truthful; EVERYBODY was glaring at her.
"Is that better, Mr. Boromir?" Sam said as he finished bandaging. "Can you move your hand?"
Boromir grabbed his right wrist with his other hand and tried to move his fingers. "Yes...thank goodness. Because if I couldn't, I would have thrown that witch into the fire."
"Enough." Gandalf said firmly.
Melda sighed, picked up her blanket and moved as far away from the fellowship as possible.
She sat on the cover she put on the ground and for the first time she arrived in Middle-earth, she looked into her bag. "I miss home..." She said and suddenly she found herself also saying, "I actually miss Mr. Daryl too." Her evil math teacher. She picked out a book and looked at it. It was Math exercises Level 2. "Eww! What was I saying?!" She said as she looked in disgust at the math book and threw it on the ground for the wrags passing by the next day to eat it.
"Why the hell did I bring both my Mp3 and CD player with me?" She said as she picked up both items, then shrugged it off as she took her CD and began to listen to music. As she dug further into the bag she came across a pack of messed up papers. Looking at it, she remembered what it was. Macey gave her those papers she printed to read. It was another one of those traditional Mary-Sue fics. Macey simply loved them and she would always force Melda to read them. And that is how she came to know these evil creatures that fall in love with the stupidest characters like Leggy-loo- loo.
Melda read two lines and then ripped the paper to pieces. 'Of all the females out there, it had to be me huh?' she thought. 'And to sum everything all up, my so-called Mary-Sue life is completely the opposite of what it should be.'
Then she found yet ANOTHER story she was supposed to read. She promised Macey that she would read it ever since six months ago and yet, she never did. "I...guess I could read it to help me fall asleep." Melda said as she snuggled under her blankets and pulled the paper up to her nose to read better because she was so far away from the campfire.
Turns out that the story was a slash fic of Legolas and Aragorn and it was pretty exciting. Well...not to Melda...she fell asleep right after barely finishing the first sentence.
*~*
Melda suddenly woke up. She couldn't see anything for her vision was blurry but she could hear two men talking in Elvish.
'Since when did Dad and Grandpa learn how to speak elvish?' She thought as she rubbed her eyes and then remembered everything again. She hissed and slammed her head on the flood. 'Why? Why? WHY ME!'
Melda sat up and looked around. Her bag and papers were scattered everywhere and her CD player was lying next to her so she picked it up and looked at it. "Ah, shit. What better way to finish you batteries? Listen to it while your asleep, eh?"
She suddenly got up and walked past Legolas and Aragorn who were the two talking together. The others were asleep.
"Hey were are you going?" Aragorn said suspiciously as he saw Melda.
"To pee." She said sleepily. "Wanna join me?"
"Err...no thanks. HEY NOT THAT FAR!!" He yelled as Melda was almost out of sight.
"Well if you're so desperate in seeing me half naked, then why don't you just join me?!" She yelled over.
"I don't want to see you half naked!" Aragorn said in disgust. "I just don't want you getting away because--hey what is wrong with you?!" He suddenly yelled at Legolas who's face was white with shock. His mouth was wide open and he was staring at nothing in particular.
"Aragorn..." He said slowly. "I just got a mental image..."
Aragorn began laughing and slapped Legolas on the back. "Let us hope it does not stick in your mind!"
*~*
Melda found a bush far from where the fellowship was resting and hoped that Legolas' stupid elf eyes couldn't see her.
Of course she was joking around when she asked Aragorn to join her. I mean, who would want a big hairy guy who's dating a woman with donkey sized ears standing there watching you pee?? (A/N: Oops no offence...(-;)
As she lazily pulled off her pants and underwear (A/N: Don't wanna be dirty here, but this is part of the plot. Sorry.), she eyed the two as they talked together. 'If only I had a weapon, I would have killed them right from the start...'
Suddenly she heard something rustling in the bushes. Melda looked cautiously around, her heart beating fast. What kind of sick person would sneak up on her to see her naked?
"A-Aragorn? Is that you?" Melda asked. "I was just joking around! I didn't really mean for you to come..."
No answer came.
"Damn it! Why did I have to drink so much water!?" She muttered helplessly.
The rustling became louder and Melda was getting really freaked out. "Who cares! I'd rather pee in my pants than have them see me half naked!" She said as she was about to pull up her clothes but somebody out of nowhere tackled her.
Melda let out a scream and the person tried to cover her mouth. "Let go of me you big fat--OH MY GOD!! AN ORC!!!" She screamed louder and the orc hit her hard across the face.
More orcs where coming out of the bushes with evil grins spread across their faces. "I'M GONNA GET RAPED BY FUCKIN' ORCS!!"
She received another blow across the face. Suddenly she heard another noise coming.
Aragorn and Legolas came sprinting to the spot. Legolas shot the orc who was on top of Melda right in the neck and it fell on her side. She quickly pulled up her underwear and watched as Aragorn slew two other orcs.
"RUN!" He yelled to Melda who was still staring, and she immediately got up to run but then she tripped over her pants that she didn't pull up and another orc, that came out of the bushes, took the advantage to get her.
He grabbed her pants and Melda screamed again. "GET OFF ME YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT!!" She tried to kick him in the face put he bit her foot.
Legolas came and stabbed him in the back with his Elven daggers. "Quickly! Run!"
Melda obeyed and ran away, this time, nothing stopped her but still, having no idea which direction she were going.
By the time, Legolas and Aragorn had slew all the orcs and none other came jumping out of the bushes. Legolas looked at the corpses in disgust and kicked one on the head. "They are bearing the white hand of Saruman. Like Gandalf had said, they are serving him."
"Where did Melda go?" Aragorn said, looking around. "I saw her take the north direction instead of the south."
Legolas looked around and saw Melda walking back to them. "I couldn't find my way back, where's camp?" She asked blushing madly. No one had ever seen her naked and guess who decides to change that way? An elf, a man whom she both hates and a couple disgusting, dirty orcs. 'Great. Absolutely-- marvelously great.'
Legolas decided to look else where than her bare legs and began wiping orc blood off his daggers with his worn-out cloak and then began plucking his arrows out of the orc corpses. "A burden she is to us. Nothing more. That must be why the real fellowship Elrond wanted us to be before, had been all men." He muttered in Elvish.
Melda began insulting him in Chinese even though she had no idea what he was saying.
Aragorn took off his cloak and wrapped it around her waist. "Come. We must hurry back to camp and warn the others. We should get your foot cleaned too. It might be contaminated by the orc's teeth. You never know."
"Thanks..." Melda muttered, her face turning redder.
"What was that? I am sorry I did not hear it properly. Can you please repeat it one more time?" Legolas said with a sly smile as he arranged his arrows back in his quiver.
"I. Said. Thank. You." Melda said through clenched teeth.
"Ahh much better. But next time, say more enthusiastically."
"Fuck you, you pointy eared she-male. I still hate you both any way."
*~*
Aaaah! Yay! I finally finished writing it! Oh god, I think this was the longest chapter I ever wrote! Yes it was also disturbing to some readers wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to go that way. It was supposed to be something totally different. Now I havta redo the whole plot again. If you didn't like this chapter, once again, I'm sorry. I stayed up all night typing this and after to morrow I have school (spring break is over!! NOOO!).
Right now it's six am, I'm gonna get in trouble for swiping my dad's laptop for a couple of hours and because my tattle tale stupid immature 18 year old sister found me on the computer at 4:00 and now she's gonna tell my dad and now he's gonna turn off the internet. Ok you did NOT have to know my life story. (But I'll find a way to come back! MWHAHAHAHAH!!)
Please read my new fic "I'm a natural blond, so please speak slowly..." about Legolas as a dumb blond. It's pretty funny I guess.
Oh and can some one help me? How do you do italics?! I write them on 'word' but then when I upload them, it doesn't work anyways please answer back.
*~*
Review replies. (Sorry if I'm gonna offend anyone because I'm in a cranky mood right now.) I GOT A somewhat FLAMER!! HEHE!
Evil Aryante: Aaaaaaw THANKS!! *blush* Hehe. Well then stop wasting plastic! (If your desk is made out of plastic, which I'm sure is not)
Culdil: Thankies! I like fics like that too. It's just so funny reading the fellowship lose their patience. I like Leggomances too. But when I read him doing something to the girl (or in some cases, Aragorn) I would be like 'Naaa! That's not him! He would never do that.'
Hi-Tech-Tuathan: Lolz! Thanks! Oh yeh. I've been arrested lots of times for doing that. (MWAAHHHAHAHA!!) Actually I've been arrested for claiming that I own LotR. *sob* Now I don't own it anymore!? Melda muse: 'Will you SHUT UP!? I can't believe some one would like that stupid movie.' Oh sorry. I think I like the idea of having a Melda muse...its kinda fun!
Dragon-denna: Yay! I was gonna write before that I can't write anymore, cuz I'm on a writer's block but now you can forget it, because I'm cured!! WHOO- HOO!! (yes, I think this chapter sucked)
Imbefaniel: Yup I'm on elfwood 2. But that site is kinda starting to annoy me. Yes I am jealous. I admit it. There's so many good artists there and it makes me angry that I'm not as good and that I'll probably never get the chance to be on Moderator's choice! *ahem* Thanks for the review. Is it ok if I use these suggestions in my story? Oh yeah and I want to ask you one more thing. DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE IN MELDA'S PLACE?? Lol...me finks me know the answer...
Lightning: Yeah uploading is pretty hard. But I found out how to work it out on my own! HAHA! NIA NIA!! Sorry I'm in a cranky/hyper mood right now.
Lulu bell: Well I like some of X-tina's songs too. But she sucks (no offence). And about the BC thingy *looks around* I knew you were joking! Eh...he...he. And about the cancer thingy, I don't really care if there's a rumor going around about Mc Donald's causing cancer. It's one of the best fast foods restaurants I've been to. Or something like that, I like Scores. Anyways, life's too short to think about the consequences! Just go out there and have fun!! I'm more of a risk-taker/daredevil kind of person. P.S: If u like blond stuff see my other fic, 'I'm a natural blond, so please speak slowly'.
Nihtfyr: Thanks! And here are the strange things that shall be explained.
1)I've just cleared them up. Feel better?
2)I'm sorry. But I ain't professional. And besides, almost everything was perfect but when I uploaded them, the whole thing just got screwed up.
3)Well you know, people get first impressions. I also said, that Legolas starts saying that it's oily and dirty and stuff. I was also giving a brief description of Melda's features if you don't mind.
4)Thank you. Ok I admit I had too much A/N's but what do you mean 'stop comparing whatever they do to the movie'? I don't understand. You might want to explain to me again, please.
Videl-14: Hmmm...not bad about Gandalf's idea. But I prefer Melda nagging him about it. Thanks by the way, hope this one wasn't so bad.
Rogue Solus: Really? Hehe! Thanks. It encourages me to do more evil.
Alex Buller (chap 8): Lol, thanks.
Alex Buller (chap 4): YES! YOU MUST!
Alex Buller (chap 2): Thanks. Pip is so cute!
Alex Bulled (CHAP ONE!!! Ooops sorry): Oh hey! I'm flattered! Thanks!
1/2 of Kate and Amy, Partners in Crime: So here's the flamer thingy. Ok listen. The truth why I wrote all those HALARIOUS and the *funny funny* is to get people interested. And it worked. Plus this is my story, I don't care if you think the idea of Mary-Sue is a little over done because this is not the traditional kind. Have you even READ the whole story?? And I'm not bragging. I think it appears to be amusing too. Just not in the first chapter. And I see that you left a comment there only. So please, shut up, read the whole damn thing, and THEN you comment. Oops! Am I starting to sound like your friend Kate? By using BIG harsh words? Haha, wtv
*~*
There! I'm done. I had fun answering the flamer. I saw the Ring yesterday and I didn't sleep I'm totally freaked out. Right now, REVIEW!! REVIEW!!
Oh and I've been really bored lately, so if anyone wanna chat or something, send me an e-mail or add me on msn at Fenrir_11@hotmail.com that's the account I use most.
So please review for the moment!