Hey! Me back. Me wrote new chapter. I'm ok, don't worry. I just wanna thank
you again for the millionth time for reviewing my story. You didn't really
have to review for The Author's Note. It was just an apology of my rudeness
and pride going overboard. ^.~. Anyways...
IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm gonna need some help for fixing the plot of the story. So from now on, there's gonna be polls. AND YOU ALL MUST VOTE!! Ok, wait, that sounded like an order... Lemme start over...AND YOU ALL MUST PLEASE VOTE. Better? n.n!
*~*
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters featured in this fic. They all belong to him and may god rest his soul. The plot is his but I gave it some twists by adding my fictional character. Melda belongs to me. I do not mean to vandalize or offend any of his characters by this fic, so therefore I'm sorry. (Hey wow! I actually wrote a decent disclaimer!! Me proud!!)
*~*
CHAPTER THIRTEEN--(real one!)
*~*
"Damn. Damn. DAMN! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNN!!" Melda said slamming her head on her bag that she was holding.
"Hold still, will you?!" Sam said as he took out the healing herbs out of the water that was on the fire.
"Well you obviously haven't been spotted half naked by the people you hate the most!"
"Well you should be grateful that Aragorn and Legolas saved your life instead of leaving you for the orcs." Sam said as he brought over the water with healing herbs up to her foot.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! FREAK! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT PUTTING HOT WATER ON YOUR FOOT IS DANGEROUS!?!?" Melda screamed pulling her foot away as it began to bleed again from the pressure she was putting on it.
"It is?" Frodo asked with raised eyebrows.
"I dunno!" Melda said. "But don't you have any Alcohol or something? I mean if you have weed, surly you must have THAT!"
"Alcohol?" Sam asked. "Listen I put healing herbs in the water. It is not going to be dangerous, instead it will make your foot heal faster."
"NO!"
Merry sighed. "Give her something to eat."
The fellowship looked at him, "What?"
"Just trust me."
Pippin gave her a piece of bread and Melda began to immediately munch on it happily forgetting whatsoever had just happened. Sam took the time as an advantage to pour the water on her foot.
"OOOW!!" She screamed.
"Um...Melda? I didn't even touch your foot yet." Sam said.
"What? Oh..."
She shut her eyes and chewed on the food just as Sam poured the water and bandaged her foot.
"Already done? That was fast." She said with her mouth full of food.
*~*
"Sooo." Melda said walking up to Gandalf. "What's up Gandy?"
She began laughing madly again. "HAHAH! It sounds like Gandhi!! You know, that Indian guy who--"
"I know who Gandhi is." Gandalf said as he sighed.
"Oh. How? Oh yeah. That father time guy took you to like um...1650?" Melda said not leaving a chance for him to answer.
It was early morning and they were nearing Cahadhras. Of course that meant it was getting even colder and maybe, just MAYBE they could get the chance to throw her off when they were high enough on the mountain.
Gandalf sighed again, only this time, it was in frustration. "Gandhi was born in Porbandar in the present state of Gujarat on October 2, 1869, and educated in law at University College, London. He was a leader and a prisoner for many times but was a true man and had many people on his side for the good deeds he has done to his fellow Indians. He later got assassinated by Nathuram Godse on January 30, 1948. Got it? He was NOT born in 1650."
"Ok whoa, I didn't ask for your life story."
"You are hopeless. I'm surprised your teachers didn't suicide from your stupidity."
"Shut up."
Gandalf began to grow very large and dark stormy clouds were forming behind him, giving him an evil impression. "YOU DO NOT TELL ME TO SHUT UP!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO ONE OF THE GREATEST WIZARDS TO WALK THE FACE OF MIDDLE- EARTH!!??"
Melda quickly took out a book from her bag and handed it to Gandalf who began to shrink back to the size of a raisin...no actually he shrunk back to normal size. "Here read this."
The wizard looked at it with curiosity. "What is it?"
"It's an anger management book. Oh and you can work out something about that ego too." Melda added as she pranced away.
Ganfalf began fuming and Aragorn walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Even you who said we should to be nicer to her, isn't keeping this promise."
"Well it is very hard to keep it ARAGORN!! I have never met anyone as annoying as her."
Melda turned around and saw that Legolas was staring at her. She blushed again. 'Why did this have to happen to me!?' She thought angrily. 'Now I can't look at either two of them without blushing.' Then another thought perked up in her head. 'But hey...they think that I'm gonna be nice to them ever since they saved my life. HA! Like THAT'S ever gonna happen. I promised myself that I'll torture them so bad, they're gonna start begging for mercy...but I don't have the right tools for that. Where's a damn stink bomb when you need one? I was sure I had a ton of these in my bag...anyways, I hate LotR, and I'll make them hate me. I don't care what happens.'
So when it was time for their break, Melda was thinking quietly for a way to annoy them but the only thing that was coming to her mind was the slash fics.
'Hmm...slash fics.' She thought evilly. 'Shakuhachi, kumiuta, danmono...wha? Oh damn, there goes the incomprehensible Japanese conversations in my head. Mihongo. Konichiwa. Teriyaki, ok THAT I understood! Mmmm...Teriyaki.'
She shook her head and the retarded thoughts stopped flowing in her mind and took the slash stories out of her bag. Then she walked near Legolas and Aragorn who were chatting together AGAIN and sat down beside them. She began to giggle hard purposely as she pressed her nose in the papers. The two stopped talking and eyed her suspiciously.
She began to force hysterical laughter even though she read nothing. Legolas was now getting annoyed so he swiftly got up and snatched the papers out of Melda's hands who made no effort to grab it back and began to read.
Melda watched his eyes widening and his face reddening as he read the fic. She smiled maliciously. This fic had more graphic scenes than normal rated R one's. It described every single thing in detail. Macey said so. Hmmm...wonder were she got this. Legolas was seriously not acting like the quite easy going person he was, instead he was fuming.
"What is it?" Aragorn asked getting up.
"Look. At. This." Legolas said through gritted teeth. "That. Witch. Is. Writing. Stories. Of. Us..."
"Us what?" Aragorn asked.
Legolas handed him the papers and he began to read. His reactions were the same thing as the elf. They both gave her the most vicious glare and yes, they were mad. Very, VERY mad...
"WHERE DID YOU GET THIS!?" Aragorn yelled. The other people in the fellowship looked at them curiously.
"Um...I found it." Melda lied. Ok this wasn't a good idea. They can't take jokes.
"WHERE!?"
"Somewhere, I don't remember."
"You...you..." Aragorn said, but he couldn't finish from his anger. Suddenly, he took out his dagger and slashed the papers to a million pieces and buried it deep in the ground. When he was done, he put his dagger back and packed everything on Bill again. "Legolas tie her up. Let's go Gandalf. I will not wait here any longer. Let's get this journey over with so we can be rid of her soon enough."
"Wow. He took that pretty easily." Melda mumbled. Damn. She was expecting something worst.
Legolas immediately grabbed her by the arms and tied them really hard with rope. And forced her to walk on by poking her with one of the arrows.
They climbed up the snowy mountains, just when Melda, who was quite the whole time said, "Stop. You don't have to cross the mountain. You won't be able to."
"Quite you." Boromir said.
"No you be quite or you won't be able to use BOTH hands." She shot back. "I'm not crossing this mountain. Go without me."
A huge grin spread across the hobbits' face, even Bill the pony's (if that's possible).
Gandalf looked at her questioningly but then shrugged. "Very well. Though you will freeze and starve to death and be left alone for it will be a long journey to Mordor even after crossing Cahadhras."
"Stupid ass. Of course I'm not gonna let you leave me without food." Said Melda. "And as for crossing the mountain, you won't be able to."
"That's what you think!" Legolas said as he walked away from her.
Gandalf nodded, untied her, left her some food and began dancing--yes DANCING--up the mountain.
*~*
Melda sighed and dropped to her knees dramatically. "PLEASE! PLEASE let this all be a dream! I'll do ANYTHING! I promise to stop spying in the boy's locker-room after their basket-ball match!! On no wait, I can't stop that!"
She got back up and kicked a rock then she looked at the fellowship that was now looking like little ants climbing up white whipped cream.
Melda picked up her bag and took out a mirror as she sat down on a dry spot. She looked at her reflection and began talking to herself (crazy huh?),
"Ok, let's see. I'm gonna summarize everything from the beginning of the journey. I got pissed off at Mr. Darryl--hmm... I should get him an orc as a present if I get home-- so he gave me a detention and I decided to not go and I skipped school. I came across a place I didn't recognize but then I got hit by something. And that's how I ended up here...I joined the fellowship and was forced to go with them, we're not even halfway through the journey and they already hate me... I really don't know what's going to happen to me and I guess I'm scared to find out. If they know how I really feel, everything's going to turn upside-down and I'm gonna end up like Mary- Sue-- which I sure as hell wouldn't want that! So I guess I feel like I'm caught in the middle...But...the worst thing is...I GOT A PIMPLE THE SIZE OF TEXAS!!!"
She yelled as she picked at the pimple.
*~*
Meanwhile on Cahadhras:
"Legolas, how ever can you walk on the snow so lightly?" Asked Frodo as he dug through the snow.
"I'd answer that, but I refuse to sink to your level." Legolas said snobbishly.
"Gandalf! Let us go to the mines of Moria! My cousin Balin will welcome us in great honor!" Gimli yelled as a storm began to form.
"No! We must go on! Must get away from Melda!!" Gandalf answered.
Legolas hurried ahead of them and looked out into the clearing. "There is a fell voice in the air!"
"IT'S MELDA SINGING!!!!" Sam shrieked.
"No it's something else! It's Saruman!!" Gandalf said. "Thank gods that it wasn't Melda's singing."
*~*
Melda on the other hand was talking to the snowman she just finished building but abruptly stopped when she heard a voice in the air that sounded like, "Ratsy, Ratsy, Ratsy, Rats!!" (A/N: I swear that's what I heard when I saw the movie.)
"Oh that must be Sourman of many colors." Melda said to the snowman. "That guy thinks he's gonna take over the world. What's that? You think I could do that instead? Aww, shucks!"
She blushed and hugged the snowman. "What did you say? I should have dyed my hair blonde because I'm dumb? Because I'm talking to you? You're so mean!"
So, without thinking, she violently punched his head and it broke to pieces.
"Oh my god...what have I done?" Melda said falling to her knees as tears trickled down her face. "I'm a murderer!!!"
"She was right." Voices came from behind her. "I hate that when it happens. As if it already did before."
"What are you doing Melda?" Pippin asked walking up to her.
"I...I killed...I killed..." She sniffed. "I KILLED MR.SNOWSNOW!!! I'm a foul snowman killer!!!"
"An eardrum killer too." Legolas said.
Pippin awkwardly patted her back to reassure her but it didn't help. She was crying her heart out at a snowman.
Gandalf sighed. "We should get going."
"NO! I can't just leave him here!"
"He's just a snowman!"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! NONE OF YOU DO!! YOU'RE ALL HEARTLESS!! MR.SNOWSNOW WAS MY BESTEST FRIEND FOR THE PAST 15 MINUTES!! BUT I BETRAYED HIM!!!"
"Bestest? That's not even a word." Boromir said as he raised his eyebrows then he sighed as he walked up to her. "Melda, I'm sorry for doing this-- actually I'm not..."
He abruptly picked her up and walked away from the scene of the crime.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Melda screamed dramatically as she tried to kick free.
*~*
Two days later, Melda awoke to a sunny morning. She sighed happily and smelled hotdogs and potato soup smell. She was crying for the past two days, but this morning she couldn't remember why.
Melda walked up to Sam who was cooking and looked at him strangely, "Dude, Who makes soup for breakfast?"
"I do." Sam said simply. "Tater soup is the best."
"I see..." Melda said so then she walked down to the lake nearby to wash her face.
Suddenly a 'Melda muse' dressed in white, complete with wings and a halo appeared on her right shoulder and another one dressed in red with a horn and a devil's tail appeared on her left.
"What the hell?" Melda said in shock.
"You don't like the Lord of the Rings do you?" Asked the one in red.
"Well no..."
"Why don't you just be nice to them?" The other one said. "I'm sure that there is more to them than you think."
"Hey, you shut up! If you didn't sit next to GOD all the time, I would snatch you and pluck out your chicken feathers one by one!" The one in red said.
"HA! Not if God does something about it!"
"See? You're always squealing to--"
"Ok whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on there!" Melda said talking to the muses sitting on either side of her shoulder. "I'm confused. Can you just tell me who you both are first?"
"Well you see, I'm the evil Melda muse," Said the evil Melda muse with an evil musey grin. "I'm the one people listen to most of the time."
"Not if they're in their right mind." The one in white said, then she cleared her throat. "Ok, I'm the GOOD Melda muse. I'm the one people should RIGHTFULLY listen to, to get to HEAVEN!"
The evil one stuck out her tongue.
The real Melda thought for a moment and said, "You know what? Saying evil Melda muse and good Melda muse is just too tiring. I'm too lazy to open my mouth too much so I'm just gonna call you number one and number too."
The evil one began to laugh. "Haha! You're a number too!"
"Well you're pee, that's bad enough! Besides, I'm sure I clearly remember that she said that YOU are the number two! " The good one said.
"I'm sorry! I don't speak to poop! You're habitat is in a toilet, not on Melda's shoulder."
"Now, now." Melda said. "Don't be spiteful, number one."
"What the HELL is she doing?" Boromir whispered to Gandalf as the whole fellowship stared at her with wide eyes. "She's talking to herself...or--or to her shoulders!"
"I told you she has invisible demon-friends!" Legolas hissed.
"What's your point, now?" Melda asked. "Why are you here? Can't you see I'm going to do some business here?"
"A number one?" Number two said.
"Ok, as I have said before, you hate the fellowship, right? Right." Number one said. "So, I have came up with great ideas of pranks for you..."
"No! Don't listen to that she-devil! She's persuading you to the fiery hell when you die!"
"Shut up!" Number one said. "How about..."
She began whispering in Melda's ear and they both grinned evilly.
"How about if you listen to me now?" Number two said. "Ok. You see; life of a Mary-Sue isn't all that bad. I heard you once saying that you liked Éomer after you finished reading the Two Towers, and maybe you can stay long enough so you and him would get together. If you be good to the Fellowship, you will make things more easier for yourself AND them."
"Ba?" Melda said, dumbstruck.
"GOOD! Never heard of the word GOOD before???!!"
"Come again?"
"You're so stupid, I'm surprised your teachers didn't suicide from your stupidity!"
"You know what? You bug me too much." Melda said as she threw the Good Melda Muse on the floor and kicked her so hard that she flew all the way to the Yukon (...if that's possible).
"I'm going to tell God about thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!" She screamed as she was high up in the air.
The Evil Melda Muse got down to her knees with tears in her eyes. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank YOU SO MUCH!! I was dying for someone to do that!"
"Arise dear evil Maiden. Do not make me feel pity for thee. Every once in a while, the evil should prevail." Melda said. Number one got up with a grin on her face, waved Adios and disappeared with a 'poof!'
Melda cleared her throat and turned back to the Fellowship who were still staring at her. "What?"
"N-nothing," Frodo said as he broke their eye contact and began stuffing his mouth with sausages. The others did the same thing too.
Melda walked over to them innocently and sat down, Sam and Pippin backed away a little bit. "Soooo...we're going to the Mines of Moria together, right?"
"Yes, unfortunately." Gandalf said rolling his eyes.
"Well you know...I was sorta thinking about it...and what I did ever since I came to Middle-earth was totally wrong." Melda smiled. "So if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to go do some good deeds now."
She got up silently began packing their sleeping bags as the others stared at her in horror.
"Well...I suppose she turned over a new leaf in one night..." Gandalf muttered.
"Melda nice...I never thought I'd live to see the day." Boromir said.
"Strider...I'm scared!!" Frodo said as he clung to his coat.
"We all are, Frodo." Aragorn whispered back. "We all are..."
Melda mentally grinned as she watched them staring at her. Once she finished packing up their sleeping bags on Bill, she turned back to them. "What's wrong? Never met anyone who woke up on the right side of the bed before?"
"Oh...no it's nothing." Gandalf hit Aragorn on the head with his staff and they decided to act like everything was normal and began finishing their breakfast.
The others did the same thing but Merry came up to her, "May I help you?"
Melda gave him a REALLY scary look with pure evilness in her eyes. "Get away from me, you little midget!"
Merry fell back and scurried away from her as fast as he could on his knees.
She smiled as if it was perfectly normal and picked up their waterskins to fill them up with water from the lake nearby.
*~*
"Wow...she's not even singing anymore." Sam whispered to Frodo. "Although I have the feeling she's waiting for something...she's been watching us like a hawk."
"Why do you suppose that?" Frodo whispered back.
"I'm not really sure..."
They trudged along the road down to Moria and Bill was getting more nervous. Horses do that when they feel some evil presence, so that must mean why Boromir and Gandalf were nervous too.
Aragorn, being dirty and sweaty, was thirsty so he picked up his water skin.
Melda jumped up in excitement when she saw him and he eyed her suspiciously but shrugged it off and drank the water.
Suddenly he immediately spat it out. "ARGH! WHAT IS IN THIS WATER?!"
"N-n-nothing!!" Melda said trying to hold her laughter in, but with no avail.
Aragorn poured some water in his hand and saw little black slimy things swimming about. "TADPOLES??!?!"
This was too much for Melda to hold in so she erupted into chocking laughter.
"Tadpoles?!" Bormir yelled as he discovered there were some in his water skin too, as well as everyone else's except for Melda's. "What kind of a joke is that!?"
"I knew she was being nice for an evil reason." Sam said. "I knew it was too good to be true."
"Congratulations Melda," Gandalf said sarcastically. "You're going to make us go thirsty to death as to there nothing but contaminated water in Moria and we do not know how long we shall be staying in there."
"My point exactly." Melda grinned. "You shall die of thirst, and I shan't! I shan't! Muahahahahha!!"
"No, we'll just take YOUR water!" Said Legolas snatching hers from her bag.
"Hey, give that back!" Melda yelled trying to get it back.
"No, we won't." Gandalf said as Legolas gave him her water skin. "For your lack of injustice, you shall receive this as a punishment. Looks like YOU'LL be drinking the tadpole-infested water for until we get out of Moria. Who's laughing now?"
Gandalf, Boromir, Legolas and the hobbits began to laugh madly looking like those retarded villains from the old batman series.
Aragorn wasn't laughing though. As was told before, that he has a pretty short temper and he was steaming. "She wants pranks? Oh I'll give her pranks." Me whispered murderously under his breath. "Let the pranking begin..."
*~*
MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!! I'm DONE!! Yippe!! *dances around* Guess what? I'm doing my French oral on Orlando Bloom!! It's tomorrow, so wish me luck.
IMPORTANT VOTING POLL:
Ok so my friend says that Melda's a little too crazy. So she suggested that how about she hits her head on a rock and becomes normal. I told her that people get tired of Mary-Sue and maybe this is something different. So what do you think?
SHOULD MELDA GET HIT BY A ROCK AND BECOME NORMAL AND STOP ANNOYING THE FELLOWSHIP, OR SHOULD SHE STAY EVIL, LIKE I DO??
Now your gonna have to vote! ^.^!
*~*
Surfer-Gurl : Hehe, being grounded sucks. I'm new to it, cuz my mum started doing it this year or so. I usually get yelled at, and I can't help but laugh (which pisses my parents off.) But thanks for reviewing!! ^.^! (hey I like these face thingys, they're kinda cute!)
Hi-Tech Tuathan: Yay! I'm happy that I finally wrote somefink. Hmmm...I'm sorry, I still don't understand the bold and italics thingy. Maybe you should forget it. I'm too dumb to understand. You put *s around the word you wanna italic? Ok, I'll try next time!
Fruity: Whoa, kinda got scared for a min! I read 'fuck you' and I thought I was getting flamed! *wipes sweat off face* Hehe, ya so then I saw that you were QUOTING. And did you say 'I hope you're in TOO much trouble' or what you meant to say was NOT too much trouble? And aww, thanks about the cure comment!! =^.^=
Imbefaniel (chap 13): Flamers suck...ah well. Lol, I think I read one of you're stories, I think it was a poem in elvish and I commented there. That's so cool, you sound as if you speak elvish fluently!
Lady Eowyn (chap 13): Hehe, thanks. But I find that getting back at people is sorta fun (im pretty evil in a way) but it just depends on the situation. And thanks for reading my fic anyway. About the spell-check thingy, I'll try to send it to you if I ever have the time. And I said I hate Geography not Geometry. But then again, I hate that too. I hate SCHOOL, period.
Valencia22: I did? YAY! THANKS!! Whoops, I didn't mean to CHOKE you with laughter, but it was very flattering anyways, thankies!
Lady Eowyn (chap 12): Sorry. Ya as I have said in chap 13, is that I respect your POV. And um, what does CC mean? Oh and about the 'make an ass of u and me', Hmm...been there, done that (well, of myself actually). Too much drama classes make you less shy in front of people. And when that happens, you can get PRETTY crazy in the school halls or in shopping centers. O.o
Lightning: Ok, I'll try spelling my words better next time. And thx for the review. Actually I must correct you in something; my pink spotted untamable flower gorillas own Middle-earth!
Evil Aryante: =^.^=! Thankies! That review was pretty flattering. Although, I'm not the greatest writer! I just write out of boredom. Ever read 'It only happens in the fanfics' By Elvea Amanfalathiel? I love that fic! Or perhaps the ones of 'Legolas is mine'?
Lightning (chap 3): Uh...thanks!
Lightning (chap 2): Kalimac? Where the hell did you find that out from?? Lol, thanks for your review.
Rowana166: Thanks! Hope you liked this chapter!
Hi-Tech Tuathan (chap 12): Disturbing? Yes. I didn't intentionally mean for the story to go that way, but ah well!
Videl-14 (chap 12): thanks! Ya, writer's block really DOES suck!
Imbefaniel (chap 12): Oh sorry! I had the feeling you were a girl. And I'm still a real beginner in elvish, so I had no idea you put 'iel' for girls and whatever for boys. Anyway, that's exactly what I meant to do (for Legsy, and Aragorn to read the slash fics), and about the dummie book, hmm...I was thinking about that before. But maybe I'll do the next chapter in Melda's point of view instead--crap! I just revealed the next chapter! Lol, it was no big deal, anyways, thanx for ur review! ^.^
Meghan: Hehe! Thanks!
*~*
Yay! I'm done! *dance around again* anyways, yesterday, I had Math, Science, Geography and art, and oh god! I didn't do any of the homeworks!! Luckily, I slipped through everyone of them, though it's not the first time I do that. ^.~
*~*
For now, you review! If you want to read more of this fic, you must encourage by reviewing!
-- xox
Angil,
IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm gonna need some help for fixing the plot of the story. So from now on, there's gonna be polls. AND YOU ALL MUST VOTE!! Ok, wait, that sounded like an order... Lemme start over...AND YOU ALL MUST PLEASE VOTE. Better? n.n!
*~*
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters featured in this fic. They all belong to him and may god rest his soul. The plot is his but I gave it some twists by adding my fictional character. Melda belongs to me. I do not mean to vandalize or offend any of his characters by this fic, so therefore I'm sorry. (Hey wow! I actually wrote a decent disclaimer!! Me proud!!)
*~*
CHAPTER THIRTEEN--(real one!)
*~*
"Damn. Damn. DAMN! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNN!!" Melda said slamming her head on her bag that she was holding.
"Hold still, will you?!" Sam said as he took out the healing herbs out of the water that was on the fire.
"Well you obviously haven't been spotted half naked by the people you hate the most!"
"Well you should be grateful that Aragorn and Legolas saved your life instead of leaving you for the orcs." Sam said as he brought over the water with healing herbs up to her foot.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! FREAK! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT PUTTING HOT WATER ON YOUR FOOT IS DANGEROUS!?!?" Melda screamed pulling her foot away as it began to bleed again from the pressure she was putting on it.
"It is?" Frodo asked with raised eyebrows.
"I dunno!" Melda said. "But don't you have any Alcohol or something? I mean if you have weed, surly you must have THAT!"
"Alcohol?" Sam asked. "Listen I put healing herbs in the water. It is not going to be dangerous, instead it will make your foot heal faster."
"NO!"
Merry sighed. "Give her something to eat."
The fellowship looked at him, "What?"
"Just trust me."
Pippin gave her a piece of bread and Melda began to immediately munch on it happily forgetting whatsoever had just happened. Sam took the time as an advantage to pour the water on her foot.
"OOOW!!" She screamed.
"Um...Melda? I didn't even touch your foot yet." Sam said.
"What? Oh..."
She shut her eyes and chewed on the food just as Sam poured the water and bandaged her foot.
"Already done? That was fast." She said with her mouth full of food.
*~*
"Sooo." Melda said walking up to Gandalf. "What's up Gandy?"
She began laughing madly again. "HAHAH! It sounds like Gandhi!! You know, that Indian guy who--"
"I know who Gandhi is." Gandalf said as he sighed.
"Oh. How? Oh yeah. That father time guy took you to like um...1650?" Melda said not leaving a chance for him to answer.
It was early morning and they were nearing Cahadhras. Of course that meant it was getting even colder and maybe, just MAYBE they could get the chance to throw her off when they were high enough on the mountain.
Gandalf sighed again, only this time, it was in frustration. "Gandhi was born in Porbandar in the present state of Gujarat on October 2, 1869, and educated in law at University College, London. He was a leader and a prisoner for many times but was a true man and had many people on his side for the good deeds he has done to his fellow Indians. He later got assassinated by Nathuram Godse on January 30, 1948. Got it? He was NOT born in 1650."
"Ok whoa, I didn't ask for your life story."
"You are hopeless. I'm surprised your teachers didn't suicide from your stupidity."
"Shut up."
Gandalf began to grow very large and dark stormy clouds were forming behind him, giving him an evil impression. "YOU DO NOT TELL ME TO SHUT UP!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO ONE OF THE GREATEST WIZARDS TO WALK THE FACE OF MIDDLE- EARTH!!??"
Melda quickly took out a book from her bag and handed it to Gandalf who began to shrink back to the size of a raisin...no actually he shrunk back to normal size. "Here read this."
The wizard looked at it with curiosity. "What is it?"
"It's an anger management book. Oh and you can work out something about that ego too." Melda added as she pranced away.
Ganfalf began fuming and Aragorn walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Even you who said we should to be nicer to her, isn't keeping this promise."
"Well it is very hard to keep it ARAGORN!! I have never met anyone as annoying as her."
Melda turned around and saw that Legolas was staring at her. She blushed again. 'Why did this have to happen to me!?' She thought angrily. 'Now I can't look at either two of them without blushing.' Then another thought perked up in her head. 'But hey...they think that I'm gonna be nice to them ever since they saved my life. HA! Like THAT'S ever gonna happen. I promised myself that I'll torture them so bad, they're gonna start begging for mercy...but I don't have the right tools for that. Where's a damn stink bomb when you need one? I was sure I had a ton of these in my bag...anyways, I hate LotR, and I'll make them hate me. I don't care what happens.'
So when it was time for their break, Melda was thinking quietly for a way to annoy them but the only thing that was coming to her mind was the slash fics.
'Hmm...slash fics.' She thought evilly. 'Shakuhachi, kumiuta, danmono...wha? Oh damn, there goes the incomprehensible Japanese conversations in my head. Mihongo. Konichiwa. Teriyaki, ok THAT I understood! Mmmm...Teriyaki.'
She shook her head and the retarded thoughts stopped flowing in her mind and took the slash stories out of her bag. Then she walked near Legolas and Aragorn who were chatting together AGAIN and sat down beside them. She began to giggle hard purposely as she pressed her nose in the papers. The two stopped talking and eyed her suspiciously.
She began to force hysterical laughter even though she read nothing. Legolas was now getting annoyed so he swiftly got up and snatched the papers out of Melda's hands who made no effort to grab it back and began to read.
Melda watched his eyes widening and his face reddening as he read the fic. She smiled maliciously. This fic had more graphic scenes than normal rated R one's. It described every single thing in detail. Macey said so. Hmmm...wonder were she got this. Legolas was seriously not acting like the quite easy going person he was, instead he was fuming.
"What is it?" Aragorn asked getting up.
"Look. At. This." Legolas said through gritted teeth. "That. Witch. Is. Writing. Stories. Of. Us..."
"Us what?" Aragorn asked.
Legolas handed him the papers and he began to read. His reactions were the same thing as the elf. They both gave her the most vicious glare and yes, they were mad. Very, VERY mad...
"WHERE DID YOU GET THIS!?" Aragorn yelled. The other people in the fellowship looked at them curiously.
"Um...I found it." Melda lied. Ok this wasn't a good idea. They can't take jokes.
"WHERE!?"
"Somewhere, I don't remember."
"You...you..." Aragorn said, but he couldn't finish from his anger. Suddenly, he took out his dagger and slashed the papers to a million pieces and buried it deep in the ground. When he was done, he put his dagger back and packed everything on Bill again. "Legolas tie her up. Let's go Gandalf. I will not wait here any longer. Let's get this journey over with so we can be rid of her soon enough."
"Wow. He took that pretty easily." Melda mumbled. Damn. She was expecting something worst.
Legolas immediately grabbed her by the arms and tied them really hard with rope. And forced her to walk on by poking her with one of the arrows.
They climbed up the snowy mountains, just when Melda, who was quite the whole time said, "Stop. You don't have to cross the mountain. You won't be able to."
"Quite you." Boromir said.
"No you be quite or you won't be able to use BOTH hands." She shot back. "I'm not crossing this mountain. Go without me."
A huge grin spread across the hobbits' face, even Bill the pony's (if that's possible).
Gandalf looked at her questioningly but then shrugged. "Very well. Though you will freeze and starve to death and be left alone for it will be a long journey to Mordor even after crossing Cahadhras."
"Stupid ass. Of course I'm not gonna let you leave me without food." Said Melda. "And as for crossing the mountain, you won't be able to."
"That's what you think!" Legolas said as he walked away from her.
Gandalf nodded, untied her, left her some food and began dancing--yes DANCING--up the mountain.
*~*
Melda sighed and dropped to her knees dramatically. "PLEASE! PLEASE let this all be a dream! I'll do ANYTHING! I promise to stop spying in the boy's locker-room after their basket-ball match!! On no wait, I can't stop that!"
She got back up and kicked a rock then she looked at the fellowship that was now looking like little ants climbing up white whipped cream.
Melda picked up her bag and took out a mirror as she sat down on a dry spot. She looked at her reflection and began talking to herself (crazy huh?),
"Ok, let's see. I'm gonna summarize everything from the beginning of the journey. I got pissed off at Mr. Darryl--hmm... I should get him an orc as a present if I get home-- so he gave me a detention and I decided to not go and I skipped school. I came across a place I didn't recognize but then I got hit by something. And that's how I ended up here...I joined the fellowship and was forced to go with them, we're not even halfway through the journey and they already hate me... I really don't know what's going to happen to me and I guess I'm scared to find out. If they know how I really feel, everything's going to turn upside-down and I'm gonna end up like Mary- Sue-- which I sure as hell wouldn't want that! So I guess I feel like I'm caught in the middle...But...the worst thing is...I GOT A PIMPLE THE SIZE OF TEXAS!!!"
She yelled as she picked at the pimple.
*~*
Meanwhile on Cahadhras:
"Legolas, how ever can you walk on the snow so lightly?" Asked Frodo as he dug through the snow.
"I'd answer that, but I refuse to sink to your level." Legolas said snobbishly.
"Gandalf! Let us go to the mines of Moria! My cousin Balin will welcome us in great honor!" Gimli yelled as a storm began to form.
"No! We must go on! Must get away from Melda!!" Gandalf answered.
Legolas hurried ahead of them and looked out into the clearing. "There is a fell voice in the air!"
"IT'S MELDA SINGING!!!!" Sam shrieked.
"No it's something else! It's Saruman!!" Gandalf said. "Thank gods that it wasn't Melda's singing."
*~*
Melda on the other hand was talking to the snowman she just finished building but abruptly stopped when she heard a voice in the air that sounded like, "Ratsy, Ratsy, Ratsy, Rats!!" (A/N: I swear that's what I heard when I saw the movie.)
"Oh that must be Sourman of many colors." Melda said to the snowman. "That guy thinks he's gonna take over the world. What's that? You think I could do that instead? Aww, shucks!"
She blushed and hugged the snowman. "What did you say? I should have dyed my hair blonde because I'm dumb? Because I'm talking to you? You're so mean!"
So, without thinking, she violently punched his head and it broke to pieces.
"Oh my god...what have I done?" Melda said falling to her knees as tears trickled down her face. "I'm a murderer!!!"
"She was right." Voices came from behind her. "I hate that when it happens. As if it already did before."
"What are you doing Melda?" Pippin asked walking up to her.
"I...I killed...I killed..." She sniffed. "I KILLED MR.SNOWSNOW!!! I'm a foul snowman killer!!!"
"An eardrum killer too." Legolas said.
Pippin awkwardly patted her back to reassure her but it didn't help. She was crying her heart out at a snowman.
Gandalf sighed. "We should get going."
"NO! I can't just leave him here!"
"He's just a snowman!"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! NONE OF YOU DO!! YOU'RE ALL HEARTLESS!! MR.SNOWSNOW WAS MY BESTEST FRIEND FOR THE PAST 15 MINUTES!! BUT I BETRAYED HIM!!!"
"Bestest? That's not even a word." Boromir said as he raised his eyebrows then he sighed as he walked up to her. "Melda, I'm sorry for doing this-- actually I'm not..."
He abruptly picked her up and walked away from the scene of the crime.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Melda screamed dramatically as she tried to kick free.
*~*
Two days later, Melda awoke to a sunny morning. She sighed happily and smelled hotdogs and potato soup smell. She was crying for the past two days, but this morning she couldn't remember why.
Melda walked up to Sam who was cooking and looked at him strangely, "Dude, Who makes soup for breakfast?"
"I do." Sam said simply. "Tater soup is the best."
"I see..." Melda said so then she walked down to the lake nearby to wash her face.
Suddenly a 'Melda muse' dressed in white, complete with wings and a halo appeared on her right shoulder and another one dressed in red with a horn and a devil's tail appeared on her left.
"What the hell?" Melda said in shock.
"You don't like the Lord of the Rings do you?" Asked the one in red.
"Well no..."
"Why don't you just be nice to them?" The other one said. "I'm sure that there is more to them than you think."
"Hey, you shut up! If you didn't sit next to GOD all the time, I would snatch you and pluck out your chicken feathers one by one!" The one in red said.
"HA! Not if God does something about it!"
"See? You're always squealing to--"
"Ok whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on there!" Melda said talking to the muses sitting on either side of her shoulder. "I'm confused. Can you just tell me who you both are first?"
"Well you see, I'm the evil Melda muse," Said the evil Melda muse with an evil musey grin. "I'm the one people listen to most of the time."
"Not if they're in their right mind." The one in white said, then she cleared her throat. "Ok, I'm the GOOD Melda muse. I'm the one people should RIGHTFULLY listen to, to get to HEAVEN!"
The evil one stuck out her tongue.
The real Melda thought for a moment and said, "You know what? Saying evil Melda muse and good Melda muse is just too tiring. I'm too lazy to open my mouth too much so I'm just gonna call you number one and number too."
The evil one began to laugh. "Haha! You're a number too!"
"Well you're pee, that's bad enough! Besides, I'm sure I clearly remember that she said that YOU are the number two! " The good one said.
"I'm sorry! I don't speak to poop! You're habitat is in a toilet, not on Melda's shoulder."
"Now, now." Melda said. "Don't be spiteful, number one."
"What the HELL is she doing?" Boromir whispered to Gandalf as the whole fellowship stared at her with wide eyes. "She's talking to herself...or--or to her shoulders!"
"I told you she has invisible demon-friends!" Legolas hissed.
"What's your point, now?" Melda asked. "Why are you here? Can't you see I'm going to do some business here?"
"A number one?" Number two said.
"Ok, as I have said before, you hate the fellowship, right? Right." Number one said. "So, I have came up with great ideas of pranks for you..."
"No! Don't listen to that she-devil! She's persuading you to the fiery hell when you die!"
"Shut up!" Number one said. "How about..."
She began whispering in Melda's ear and they both grinned evilly.
"How about if you listen to me now?" Number two said. "Ok. You see; life of a Mary-Sue isn't all that bad. I heard you once saying that you liked Éomer after you finished reading the Two Towers, and maybe you can stay long enough so you and him would get together. If you be good to the Fellowship, you will make things more easier for yourself AND them."
"Ba?" Melda said, dumbstruck.
"GOOD! Never heard of the word GOOD before???!!"
"Come again?"
"You're so stupid, I'm surprised your teachers didn't suicide from your stupidity!"
"You know what? You bug me too much." Melda said as she threw the Good Melda Muse on the floor and kicked her so hard that she flew all the way to the Yukon (...if that's possible).
"I'm going to tell God about thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!" She screamed as she was high up in the air.
The Evil Melda Muse got down to her knees with tears in her eyes. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank YOU SO MUCH!! I was dying for someone to do that!"
"Arise dear evil Maiden. Do not make me feel pity for thee. Every once in a while, the evil should prevail." Melda said. Number one got up with a grin on her face, waved Adios and disappeared with a 'poof!'
Melda cleared her throat and turned back to the Fellowship who were still staring at her. "What?"
"N-nothing," Frodo said as he broke their eye contact and began stuffing his mouth with sausages. The others did the same thing too.
Melda walked over to them innocently and sat down, Sam and Pippin backed away a little bit. "Soooo...we're going to the Mines of Moria together, right?"
"Yes, unfortunately." Gandalf said rolling his eyes.
"Well you know...I was sorta thinking about it...and what I did ever since I came to Middle-earth was totally wrong." Melda smiled. "So if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to go do some good deeds now."
She got up silently began packing their sleeping bags as the others stared at her in horror.
"Well...I suppose she turned over a new leaf in one night..." Gandalf muttered.
"Melda nice...I never thought I'd live to see the day." Boromir said.
"Strider...I'm scared!!" Frodo said as he clung to his coat.
"We all are, Frodo." Aragorn whispered back. "We all are..."
Melda mentally grinned as she watched them staring at her. Once she finished packing up their sleeping bags on Bill, she turned back to them. "What's wrong? Never met anyone who woke up on the right side of the bed before?"
"Oh...no it's nothing." Gandalf hit Aragorn on the head with his staff and they decided to act like everything was normal and began finishing their breakfast.
The others did the same thing but Merry came up to her, "May I help you?"
Melda gave him a REALLY scary look with pure evilness in her eyes. "Get away from me, you little midget!"
Merry fell back and scurried away from her as fast as he could on his knees.
She smiled as if it was perfectly normal and picked up their waterskins to fill them up with water from the lake nearby.
*~*
"Wow...she's not even singing anymore." Sam whispered to Frodo. "Although I have the feeling she's waiting for something...she's been watching us like a hawk."
"Why do you suppose that?" Frodo whispered back.
"I'm not really sure..."
They trudged along the road down to Moria and Bill was getting more nervous. Horses do that when they feel some evil presence, so that must mean why Boromir and Gandalf were nervous too.
Aragorn, being dirty and sweaty, was thirsty so he picked up his water skin.
Melda jumped up in excitement when she saw him and he eyed her suspiciously but shrugged it off and drank the water.
Suddenly he immediately spat it out. "ARGH! WHAT IS IN THIS WATER?!"
"N-n-nothing!!" Melda said trying to hold her laughter in, but with no avail.
Aragorn poured some water in his hand and saw little black slimy things swimming about. "TADPOLES??!?!"
This was too much for Melda to hold in so she erupted into chocking laughter.
"Tadpoles?!" Bormir yelled as he discovered there were some in his water skin too, as well as everyone else's except for Melda's. "What kind of a joke is that!?"
"I knew she was being nice for an evil reason." Sam said. "I knew it was too good to be true."
"Congratulations Melda," Gandalf said sarcastically. "You're going to make us go thirsty to death as to there nothing but contaminated water in Moria and we do not know how long we shall be staying in there."
"My point exactly." Melda grinned. "You shall die of thirst, and I shan't! I shan't! Muahahahahha!!"
"No, we'll just take YOUR water!" Said Legolas snatching hers from her bag.
"Hey, give that back!" Melda yelled trying to get it back.
"No, we won't." Gandalf said as Legolas gave him her water skin. "For your lack of injustice, you shall receive this as a punishment. Looks like YOU'LL be drinking the tadpole-infested water for until we get out of Moria. Who's laughing now?"
Gandalf, Boromir, Legolas and the hobbits began to laugh madly looking like those retarded villains from the old batman series.
Aragorn wasn't laughing though. As was told before, that he has a pretty short temper and he was steaming. "She wants pranks? Oh I'll give her pranks." Me whispered murderously under his breath. "Let the pranking begin..."
*~*
MWHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!! I'm DONE!! Yippe!! *dances around* Guess what? I'm doing my French oral on Orlando Bloom!! It's tomorrow, so wish me luck.
IMPORTANT VOTING POLL:
Ok so my friend says that Melda's a little too crazy. So she suggested that how about she hits her head on a rock and becomes normal. I told her that people get tired of Mary-Sue and maybe this is something different. So what do you think?
SHOULD MELDA GET HIT BY A ROCK AND BECOME NORMAL AND STOP ANNOYING THE FELLOWSHIP, OR SHOULD SHE STAY EVIL, LIKE I DO??
Now your gonna have to vote! ^.^!
*~*
Surfer-Gurl : Hehe, being grounded sucks. I'm new to it, cuz my mum started doing it this year or so. I usually get yelled at, and I can't help but laugh (which pisses my parents off.) But thanks for reviewing!! ^.^! (hey I like these face thingys, they're kinda cute!)
Hi-Tech Tuathan: Yay! I'm happy that I finally wrote somefink. Hmmm...I'm sorry, I still don't understand the bold and italics thingy. Maybe you should forget it. I'm too dumb to understand. You put *s around the word you wanna italic? Ok, I'll try next time!
Fruity: Whoa, kinda got scared for a min! I read 'fuck you' and I thought I was getting flamed! *wipes sweat off face* Hehe, ya so then I saw that you were QUOTING. And did you say 'I hope you're in TOO much trouble' or what you meant to say was NOT too much trouble? And aww, thanks about the cure comment!! =^.^=
Imbefaniel (chap 13): Flamers suck...ah well. Lol, I think I read one of you're stories, I think it was a poem in elvish and I commented there. That's so cool, you sound as if you speak elvish fluently!
Lady Eowyn (chap 13): Hehe, thanks. But I find that getting back at people is sorta fun (im pretty evil in a way) but it just depends on the situation. And thanks for reading my fic anyway. About the spell-check thingy, I'll try to send it to you if I ever have the time. And I said I hate Geography not Geometry. But then again, I hate that too. I hate SCHOOL, period.
Valencia22: I did? YAY! THANKS!! Whoops, I didn't mean to CHOKE you with laughter, but it was very flattering anyways, thankies!
Lady Eowyn (chap 12): Sorry. Ya as I have said in chap 13, is that I respect your POV. And um, what does CC mean? Oh and about the 'make an ass of u and me', Hmm...been there, done that (well, of myself actually). Too much drama classes make you less shy in front of people. And when that happens, you can get PRETTY crazy in the school halls or in shopping centers. O.o
Lightning: Ok, I'll try spelling my words better next time. And thx for the review. Actually I must correct you in something; my pink spotted untamable flower gorillas own Middle-earth!
Evil Aryante: =^.^=! Thankies! That review was pretty flattering. Although, I'm not the greatest writer! I just write out of boredom. Ever read 'It only happens in the fanfics' By Elvea Amanfalathiel? I love that fic! Or perhaps the ones of 'Legolas is mine'?
Lightning (chap 3): Uh...thanks!
Lightning (chap 2): Kalimac? Where the hell did you find that out from?? Lol, thanks for your review.
Rowana166: Thanks! Hope you liked this chapter!
Hi-Tech Tuathan (chap 12): Disturbing? Yes. I didn't intentionally mean for the story to go that way, but ah well!
Videl-14 (chap 12): thanks! Ya, writer's block really DOES suck!
Imbefaniel (chap 12): Oh sorry! I had the feeling you were a girl. And I'm still a real beginner in elvish, so I had no idea you put 'iel' for girls and whatever for boys. Anyway, that's exactly what I meant to do (for Legsy, and Aragorn to read the slash fics), and about the dummie book, hmm...I was thinking about that before. But maybe I'll do the next chapter in Melda's point of view instead--crap! I just revealed the next chapter! Lol, it was no big deal, anyways, thanx for ur review! ^.^
Meghan: Hehe! Thanks!
*~*
Yay! I'm done! *dance around again* anyways, yesterday, I had Math, Science, Geography and art, and oh god! I didn't do any of the homeworks!! Luckily, I slipped through everyone of them, though it's not the first time I do that. ^.~
*~*
For now, you review! If you want to read more of this fic, you must encourage by reviewing!
-- xox
Angil,