title: religious ecstasy - chapter six
author: duck
rating: pg-13
author note: i leave for florida, where i'll have no internet, in the morning. i was hoping to finish before that, but i guess not. i'll be back in a week. sorry!!
what started as a simple case story with a bit of sexual tension has evolved into something else. i bring you the beginnings of my own svu au, with a slightly different send-off than most.
disclaimer: i'm gonna sue for custody of angst!elliot and angst!olivia and maybe even angst!kathy. i'll let you know how that goes.
- Stabler House -
- Queens, New York -
- Wednesday April 28th 3:12pm -
Elliot was dozing on the couch when Kathy came home from her shift. She came in quietly and paused in the doorframe when she caught sight of him. He could have taken a nap in their bed upstairs, but she supposed it was too much to hope he'd been waiting for her. More likely he'd been waiting for the kids to come home from school, which if he were around more he'd realize they weren't. Dickie and Liz were both at after-school care while Kathleen and Maureen were staying for soccer and NHS respectively.
This latest case was killing him. Last night had been the fourth in a row he'd had a stakeout and the dark pools under his eyes attested to sleepless nights and quick naps here and there.
Fourth night in a row spent with Olivia rather than his wife.
Where did this jealousy come from? It was work, she was his partner, and aside from requesting a transfer--which he'd refused to do on three separate occasions--there wasn't anything Elliot could do to get away from her. If he'd wanted to.
As quickly as it came the jealousy faded and Kathy felt a bitterness rising in its place. She bowed her head against the sturdy wood of the doorframe and buried the urge to weep for her failed marriage. She loved Elliot, of that she was sure, but it wasn't the same. Somewhere along the line, in the middle of the lonely nights and the days of trying to shuttle kids to soccer practices and parties, being in love with her husband had turned into a depressingly platonic love for the man who fathered her children.
It was nothing new, she supposed. Probably happened all the time. They'd married young and only because she'd been pregnant with Maureen. If they hadn't been young and stupid she could only imagine the course their lives would have taken. She might be a doctor now, instead of a nurse. Elliot would probably just be retiring from the Marines. They wouldn't have a life together. They wouldn't have four beautiful children.
It was time to talk to him about it. She had the sinking feeling they were about to become just another statistic.
-----
He was dreaming in mighty Technicolor blood. Another car, another victim. He looked up to the Opus Dei church that hung menacingly over the street before leaning over to check out the car. Her face hung in pale death, the bright red smudges of blood screaming his condemnation. He felt himself begin to shake. He hadn't been there for her. He brought his hands to his face, but they were covered in blood and he gaped in horror. Her blood was on his hands. Comes a pale horse, his mind screamed.
He rushed to consciousness as he jerked upward, forcibly exhaling. He focused on the closest object and realized it was--"Kathy?"
"Elliot," she said, her voice full of concern. She was crouched next to the couch, her hand on his shoulder. "I thought you were just dozing, but you were thrashing around like you were having a nightmare."
He swung his feet around so he was sitting and she joined him. "No, it was nothing," he lied as he rubbed his eyes, the images of his dream already fading. All but the red of the blood against her white face.
"If you say so." She was clearly not convinced. He felt her arm slide through his and she rested her head against his shoulder. "We need to talk, Elliot."
Whatever it was, he didn't want to hear it again. "Can it wait? I need to get back to the station house."
"No, it can't."
"Then it needs to be quick."
"It won't be." He sighed.
"Kathy, we're this close to nailing this guy. Once this case is over I swear I'll be here to talk for however long about whatever you want."
"I'm not in love with you anymore."
"Oh."
The silence rang in his ears. Or maybe that was the blood draining from his head.
"How long?"
"I've only recently realized it, but I think I haven't been in a while." Her grip on his arm tightened. "I'm sorry." He didn't move away but nor did he speak for a few moments. This was momentous and inopportune all at once. He'd thought about the situation of course, but in his mind it had always been the other way around, him approaching her.
He knew his next words would set the tone of the conversation and having had similar thoughts himself he didn't want condemnation to be his overwhelming message. Why couldn't she have waited until after this case was over? He was momentarily upset for the selfish thought; Kathy obviously needed to deal with this now.
"Well," he finally said. "What do you want to do about it?"
"I don't know." Her body slumped fully against his. "I feel so guilty," she confessed.
"Don't. I think we both knew this was a long time in coming." He withdrew his arm from hers and placed it around her shoulders instead, drawing her into a comforting hug. He pulled gently and they lay down on the couch together. She sniffled slightly as she nestled into the crook of his neck.
"You can cry if you need to," he said softly. The sniffling turned into real tears and he could feel them soaking through his t-shirt. He rubbed her back comfortingly, feeling an odd guilty parallel with what he'd done for Olivia in the car last night.
"I don't cry for our marriage," she said when her tears had subsided. "I cry for our children."
"Keep talking to me, Kathy."
And she did.
- Special Victims Unit Squad Room -
-Wednesday April 28th 9:27pm -
"Hey, where's Benson and Stabler?" Cragen sifted through the faces of detectives and couldn't find either. Munch looked at him his face devoid of all expression.
"Elliot disappeared," he said. "Olivia went looking for him. He's been really quiet."
"Well, we kind of need them for this," Cragen said, exasperation evident.
"I'm sure she'll find him."
------
It was quiet up here on the roof in the noisy city kind of way. The various sounds, sights and smells of New York at night drifted up and in concentrating on those it was easier to let your subconscious sort out whatever was bothering it. Olivia had come up here herself often, or chased Munch when he obviously needed someone to talk to. She hadn't done that in a while though, which made her happy. It meant that Fin was a good partner for him.
But her partner on the other hand had disappeared half an hour ago and she'd searched the station house in vain looking for him. This was the last place he could be. He'd been uncharacteristically silent since they'd come in a few hours ago to get ready for their stakeout. Sure enough, there he was, staring over the edge of the building at the street far below.
"Hey, Elliot," she said as she closed the distance between them. "I've been looking all over for you."
"We ready to go?" he asked without turning around.
"Yeah," she replied, pulling her jacket closer over the clothes she was wearing again. He didn't answer. "Elliot, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit."
"I suppose," he said indifferently, still facing the edge.
"Hey, I'm kinda tired of talking to your back."
"Then stop talking."
"I'm not leaving you up here, Elliot."
"Kathy is," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. There were tears in the simple sentence and Olivia felt her heart break for him. "She wants a divorce. I suppose I do too, but it still hurts, you know?"
"No, I don't," she admitted as she fitted her arms around his stomach and pressed herself against his back. "But I can empathize pretty well." She knew he didn't want her to see him cry and wasn't going to force a real hug on him. Her lips found the back of his neck almost involuntarily as she kissed his exposed skin. His body shivered underneath her and his arms clasped over hers tightly.
"Don't ever leave me, Liv," he begged softly.
"I'll always be right here, Elliot," she assured. "You want to crash at my place in the morning? My couch loves you, you know. It's practically the only time it ever gets used." His rumbling chuckle built up.
"I already told Kathy I was staying in the crib."
"Can't stay there forever." She rested her forehead against his back. "Speaking of staying forever, we should get back down before they send search parties out. We really do have to go."
"'Once more into the breach, dear friend?'"
"Something like that, yeah."
[tbc]
author: duck
rating: pg-13
author note: i leave for florida, where i'll have no internet, in the morning. i was hoping to finish before that, but i guess not. i'll be back in a week. sorry!!
what started as a simple case story with a bit of sexual tension has evolved into something else. i bring you the beginnings of my own svu au, with a slightly different send-off than most.
disclaimer: i'm gonna sue for custody of angst!elliot and angst!olivia and maybe even angst!kathy. i'll let you know how that goes.
- Stabler House -
- Queens, New York -
- Wednesday April 28th 3:12pm -
Elliot was dozing on the couch when Kathy came home from her shift. She came in quietly and paused in the doorframe when she caught sight of him. He could have taken a nap in their bed upstairs, but she supposed it was too much to hope he'd been waiting for her. More likely he'd been waiting for the kids to come home from school, which if he were around more he'd realize they weren't. Dickie and Liz were both at after-school care while Kathleen and Maureen were staying for soccer and NHS respectively.
This latest case was killing him. Last night had been the fourth in a row he'd had a stakeout and the dark pools under his eyes attested to sleepless nights and quick naps here and there.
Fourth night in a row spent with Olivia rather than his wife.
Where did this jealousy come from? It was work, she was his partner, and aside from requesting a transfer--which he'd refused to do on three separate occasions--there wasn't anything Elliot could do to get away from her. If he'd wanted to.
As quickly as it came the jealousy faded and Kathy felt a bitterness rising in its place. She bowed her head against the sturdy wood of the doorframe and buried the urge to weep for her failed marriage. She loved Elliot, of that she was sure, but it wasn't the same. Somewhere along the line, in the middle of the lonely nights and the days of trying to shuttle kids to soccer practices and parties, being in love with her husband had turned into a depressingly platonic love for the man who fathered her children.
It was nothing new, she supposed. Probably happened all the time. They'd married young and only because she'd been pregnant with Maureen. If they hadn't been young and stupid she could only imagine the course their lives would have taken. She might be a doctor now, instead of a nurse. Elliot would probably just be retiring from the Marines. They wouldn't have a life together. They wouldn't have four beautiful children.
It was time to talk to him about it. She had the sinking feeling they were about to become just another statistic.
-----
He was dreaming in mighty Technicolor blood. Another car, another victim. He looked up to the Opus Dei church that hung menacingly over the street before leaning over to check out the car. Her face hung in pale death, the bright red smudges of blood screaming his condemnation. He felt himself begin to shake. He hadn't been there for her. He brought his hands to his face, but they were covered in blood and he gaped in horror. Her blood was on his hands. Comes a pale horse, his mind screamed.
He rushed to consciousness as he jerked upward, forcibly exhaling. He focused on the closest object and realized it was--"Kathy?"
"Elliot," she said, her voice full of concern. She was crouched next to the couch, her hand on his shoulder. "I thought you were just dozing, but you were thrashing around like you were having a nightmare."
He swung his feet around so he was sitting and she joined him. "No, it was nothing," he lied as he rubbed his eyes, the images of his dream already fading. All but the red of the blood against her white face.
"If you say so." She was clearly not convinced. He felt her arm slide through his and she rested her head against his shoulder. "We need to talk, Elliot."
Whatever it was, he didn't want to hear it again. "Can it wait? I need to get back to the station house."
"No, it can't."
"Then it needs to be quick."
"It won't be." He sighed.
"Kathy, we're this close to nailing this guy. Once this case is over I swear I'll be here to talk for however long about whatever you want."
"I'm not in love with you anymore."
"Oh."
The silence rang in his ears. Or maybe that was the blood draining from his head.
"How long?"
"I've only recently realized it, but I think I haven't been in a while." Her grip on his arm tightened. "I'm sorry." He didn't move away but nor did he speak for a few moments. This was momentous and inopportune all at once. He'd thought about the situation of course, but in his mind it had always been the other way around, him approaching her.
He knew his next words would set the tone of the conversation and having had similar thoughts himself he didn't want condemnation to be his overwhelming message. Why couldn't she have waited until after this case was over? He was momentarily upset for the selfish thought; Kathy obviously needed to deal with this now.
"Well," he finally said. "What do you want to do about it?"
"I don't know." Her body slumped fully against his. "I feel so guilty," she confessed.
"Don't. I think we both knew this was a long time in coming." He withdrew his arm from hers and placed it around her shoulders instead, drawing her into a comforting hug. He pulled gently and they lay down on the couch together. She sniffled slightly as she nestled into the crook of his neck.
"You can cry if you need to," he said softly. The sniffling turned into real tears and he could feel them soaking through his t-shirt. He rubbed her back comfortingly, feeling an odd guilty parallel with what he'd done for Olivia in the car last night.
"I don't cry for our marriage," she said when her tears had subsided. "I cry for our children."
"Keep talking to me, Kathy."
And she did.
- Special Victims Unit Squad Room -
-Wednesday April 28th 9:27pm -
"Hey, where's Benson and Stabler?" Cragen sifted through the faces of detectives and couldn't find either. Munch looked at him his face devoid of all expression.
"Elliot disappeared," he said. "Olivia went looking for him. He's been really quiet."
"Well, we kind of need them for this," Cragen said, exasperation evident.
"I'm sure she'll find him."
------
It was quiet up here on the roof in the noisy city kind of way. The various sounds, sights and smells of New York at night drifted up and in concentrating on those it was easier to let your subconscious sort out whatever was bothering it. Olivia had come up here herself often, or chased Munch when he obviously needed someone to talk to. She hadn't done that in a while though, which made her happy. It meant that Fin was a good partner for him.
But her partner on the other hand had disappeared half an hour ago and she'd searched the station house in vain looking for him. This was the last place he could be. He'd been uncharacteristically silent since they'd come in a few hours ago to get ready for their stakeout. Sure enough, there he was, staring over the edge of the building at the street far below.
"Hey, Elliot," she said as she closed the distance between them. "I've been looking all over for you."
"We ready to go?" he asked without turning around.
"Yeah," she replied, pulling her jacket closer over the clothes she was wearing again. He didn't answer. "Elliot, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit."
"I suppose," he said indifferently, still facing the edge.
"Hey, I'm kinda tired of talking to your back."
"Then stop talking."
"I'm not leaving you up here, Elliot."
"Kathy is," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. There were tears in the simple sentence and Olivia felt her heart break for him. "She wants a divorce. I suppose I do too, but it still hurts, you know?"
"No, I don't," she admitted as she fitted her arms around his stomach and pressed herself against his back. "But I can empathize pretty well." She knew he didn't want her to see him cry and wasn't going to force a real hug on him. Her lips found the back of his neck almost involuntarily as she kissed his exposed skin. His body shivered underneath her and his arms clasped over hers tightly.
"Don't ever leave me, Liv," he begged softly.
"I'll always be right here, Elliot," she assured. "You want to crash at my place in the morning? My couch loves you, you know. It's practically the only time it ever gets used." His rumbling chuckle built up.
"I already told Kathy I was staying in the crib."
"Can't stay there forever." She rested her forehead against his back. "Speaking of staying forever, we should get back down before they send search parties out. We really do have to go."
"'Once more into the breach, dear friend?'"
"Something like that, yeah."
[tbc]