Title: Phoenix: Ch 2: Rebirth
Author: LavenderJade
Fandom: Law & Order
Email: lavenderjade@comcast.net
Pairing: Jack/Lennie
Summary: What just happened here?
Disclaimer: Not mine (wish they were!), not making money
Saturday morning - Rebirth
Jack was having trouble waking up. He distantly registered that as odd - he was usually the kind of type-A personality who jumped out of bed the minute his eyes opened. He had never understood the people who used snooze alarms. But today, everything seemed fuzzy, like his brain was wrapped in cotton. But not a hangover. He knew well what a hangover felt like, and this was definitely not it. Similar, but not quite . . . besides, it had been a long time since he had been drunk enough for a hangover.
He became dimly aware of an ache in his right arm and shoulder. He tried to stretch, to work out the kinks, and almost panicked as he realized he couldn't move the right arm at all. He groggily sat up, blinked and looked around . . .
What the hell was Lennie doing in his bed??!!!!!!
The memory of the previous day broke through the cotton, hitting him like a ton of bricks . . .
The assault. The pain. The terror. The kiss.
Oh. OH. But wait; hadn't Lennie backed off, not wanting to take advantage of Jack's weakened state? The day had been too traumatic, he had said. Can't trust that's it's really you saying yes. Wait at least until the drugs wore off . . .
OK, that explained the cotton. The painkiller he had taken before bed.
Then he remembered . . . ~~~ "NO!!! Dad, NO!!!!!" Jack's scream cut through the stillness of the night, bringing Lennie instantly awake and running into his friend's room to see Jack sitting up in bed looking utterly terrified. He sat down on the bed and took Jack into his arms. "It's OK, Jack, it's OK. It's all over now. This is just a nightmare." He glanced at the clock - 6AM. He thought about getting Jack another of the knockout painkiller pills to help him get back to sleep, but decided it was too late; he'd be asleep all day if he took another one now. So he did his best to calm Jack's fears, holding him as he had the night before on the couch. After a few minutes, the trembling stopped as Jack came more awake.
He took a deep breath and pulled away a bit to look up at Lennie's face. "Oh, God, it was happening all over again . . ." Lennie reached over to gently brush the hair out of his eyes. Jack smiled weakly at the gesture, his eyes meeting Lennie's then quickly looking away, almost shy. "You gonna to be able to get back to sleep?" Lennie asked, concerned.
Jack looked at his friend, the feelings they had begun to discover yesterday rushing back full force. "Lennie, would you stay with me? I really don't want to be alone right now."
Lennie hesitated, not sure exactly what Jack was asking. "All right, if you think it will help you sleep," he hedged. Jack nodded and moved over, this time making his intentions perfectly clear. //Oh, God, in his bed. Take it slow, Lennie boy. It's a good sign, but it's still too soon.// Lennie pulled back the covers and crawled into the bed. With Jack's bad shoulder, it took them a while to find something comfortable for both of them, but eventually they did, and it wasn't long before Jack was snoring softly, wrapped in Lennie's arms. Lennie laid awake for a long while, just watching the slow rise and fall of Jack's chest.
~~~
Jack looked over at the man sleeping beside him. //I guess that wasn't part of the dream after all,// he thought, remembering. //Do I really want this? I'd better decide soon- it just wouldn't be fair to Lennie. He's been such a good friend . . .//
But then, so had Claire been a friend first. Claire. He still couldn't believe that yesterday in his panic he had thought of Lennie, rather than her. It had been 5 years now since she died. Was he finally over it? Or was it just that this was different enough that it didn't feel like cheating on her? Did it matter? Could he truly love another man? His memory flashed back to the kiss. So much had happened in those brief moments, so many emotions. Longing, to be no longer alone. Love, for the friend who had become so much more. Desire - yes, he had to admit it - the kiss had roused his long dormant passions.
But what about Lennie? If word of this ever got out, it could be very bad for a cop. But then, half the world seemed to think they were already lovers, had been ever since Lennie moved in. Maybe it wouldn't be so risky after all . . .
//Claire, what should I do? Is it worth the risk to Lennie? Is it finally time for me to move on? Is it worth the risk to love again?//
He could almost hear her sweet voice: //Jack, my love. Know that I will always be with you. Follow your heart and be happy again, my love.//
He came out of his reverie and looked again at Lennie sleeping so peacefully beside him. Yes. It would be a new experience, that was for sure. He reached out and gently ran his fingers down Lennie's cheek. The roughness of the unshaven face felt odd, but that just made it more exciting. New and exciting and wonderful. //But this one-handed thing is going to get old VERY fast. I had a broken arm as a kid too, Lennie. Will you help me change my underwear?// He chuckled at the thought, only a little embarrassed by the response growing between his legs.
The sound was enough to wake Lennie, who stretched luxuriously and rolled over onto his side, head propped on one arm, to look at Jack. "And just what are YOU laughing at?"
Ulp! Lennie's attention had kicked the embarrassment - AND the arousal - up several notches; his face was beginning to feel quite warm . . . "Sorry, Lennie. Didn't mean to wake you. Uh, nothing in particular. Just happy to be alive, I guess."
Lennie's eyebrow climbed practically off his face. "Right. That's OK, I'll let you off the hook this time." His expression turned serious. "How you feeling?"
"OK, Lennie. I think I'm going to be OK. Thanks to you." He reached over and pushed a stray lock of hair back from Lennie's face, letting the touch become a caress. Their eyes met, and this time Lennie knew for sure. He sat up and drew Jack into his arms, into the kiss. This time there was no hesitation. Fire coursed through every nerve in his body as their lips closed together, Jack's tongue pushing into his mouth. The kiss was long and slow as they discovered each other. Lennie couldn't believe how good this felt. Yeah, he had played around with the fantasy, but the reality was turning out to be infinitely better. If he had had any doubts about getting it on with a man, they were long gone. At least with THIS man.
Jack sighed as he released Lennie from the kiss; he was really getting hard now. "Oh, God, Lennie. I can't believe I'm doing this . . .can you believe I'm nervous?" Lennie traced his fingers from Jack's neck down the length of his good arm, ultimately taking Jack's hand in his. He lifted the fingers to his lips in a kiss. "We can take it slow, Jack. No rush. It's new to me too, we'll figure it out together."
"Not too slow, Lennie. I haven't felt like this for so long . . ." He pulled his fingers from Lennie's and reached out to slide his hand under the pyjama top Lennie wore.
"You want to lose the shirt, Lennie? I want to feel YOU. And I'm pretty useless at this undressing/dressing thing right now," he said with a mischievous grin. "Was that what you were laughing about?" Lennie asked as he slipped off the pyjama top, and in a moment of "what the hell" abandon also shed the pants. "Well, yeah, now that you mention it. Was picturing you . . ." Jack faded to silence as he realized he no longer had to picture Lennie in his mind.
For the next hour, the world dissolved into a joyous tumult of discovery . . .
~~~
Jack couldn't remember when he had last been this happy. He remembered his "conversation" with Claire a little while ago - "Follow your heart and be happy again." Words to live by. "Lennie? Thanks for staying with me at the hospital yesterday. And here last night. I don't know what I would have done without you." But he couldn't quite say the words haunting the back of his mind . . .
Lennie gently drew him back down, kissing the top of his head as he settled back into Lennie's shoulder. He heard the words Jack couldn't quite speak yet. He sighed contentedly; all was again good with the world.
Author's note. Anyone wanting more details on that "hour of discovery," email me.
Saturday morning - Rebirth
Jack was having trouble waking up. He distantly registered that as odd - he was usually the kind of type-A personality who jumped out of bed the minute his eyes opened. He had never understood the people who used snooze alarms. But today, everything seemed fuzzy, like his brain was wrapped in cotton. But not a hangover. He knew well what a hangover felt like, and this was definitely not it. Similar, but not quite . . . besides, it had been a long time since he had been drunk enough for a hangover.
He became dimly aware of an ache in his right arm and shoulder. He tried to stretch, to work out the kinks, and almost panicked as he realized he couldn't move the right arm at all. He groggily sat up, blinked and looked around . . .
What the hell was Lennie doing in his bed??!!!!!!
The memory of the previous day broke through the cotton, hitting him like a ton of bricks . . .
The assault. The pain. The terror. The kiss.
Oh. OH. But wait; hadn't Lennie backed off, not wanting to take advantage of Jack's weakened state? The day had been too traumatic, he had said. Can't trust that's it's really you saying yes. Wait at least until the drugs wore off . . .
OK, that explained the cotton. The painkiller he had taken before bed.
Then he remembered . . . ~~~ "NO!!! Dad, NO!!!!!" Jack's scream cut through the stillness of the night, bringing Lennie instantly awake and running into his friend's room to see Jack sitting up in bed looking utterly terrified. He sat down on the bed and took Jack into his arms. "It's OK, Jack, it's OK. It's all over now. This is just a nightmare." He glanced at the clock - 6AM. He thought about getting Jack another of the knockout painkiller pills to help him get back to sleep, but decided it was too late; he'd be asleep all day if he took another one now. So he did his best to calm Jack's fears, holding him as he had the night before on the couch. After a few minutes, the trembling stopped as Jack came more awake.
He took a deep breath and pulled away a bit to look up at Lennie's face. "Oh, God, it was happening all over again . . ." Lennie reached over to gently brush the hair out of his eyes. Jack smiled weakly at the gesture, his eyes meeting Lennie's then quickly looking away, almost shy. "You gonna to be able to get back to sleep?" Lennie asked, concerned.
Jack looked at his friend, the feelings they had begun to discover yesterday rushing back full force. "Lennie, would you stay with me? I really don't want to be alone right now."
Lennie hesitated, not sure exactly what Jack was asking. "All right, if you think it will help you sleep," he hedged. Jack nodded and moved over, this time making his intentions perfectly clear. //Oh, God, in his bed. Take it slow, Lennie boy. It's a good sign, but it's still too soon.// Lennie pulled back the covers and crawled into the bed. With Jack's bad shoulder, it took them a while to find something comfortable for both of them, but eventually they did, and it wasn't long before Jack was snoring softly, wrapped in Lennie's arms. Lennie laid awake for a long while, just watching the slow rise and fall of Jack's chest.
~~~
Jack looked over at the man sleeping beside him. //I guess that wasn't part of the dream after all,// he thought, remembering. //Do I really want this? I'd better decide soon- it just wouldn't be fair to Lennie. He's been such a good friend . . .//
But then, so had Claire been a friend first. Claire. He still couldn't believe that yesterday in his panic he had thought of Lennie, rather than her. It had been 5 years now since she died. Was he finally over it? Or was it just that this was different enough that it didn't feel like cheating on her? Did it matter? Could he truly love another man? His memory flashed back to the kiss. So much had happened in those brief moments, so many emotions. Longing, to be no longer alone. Love, for the friend who had become so much more. Desire - yes, he had to admit it - the kiss had roused his long dormant passions.
But what about Lennie? If word of this ever got out, it could be very bad for a cop. But then, half the world seemed to think they were already lovers, had been ever since Lennie moved in. Maybe it wouldn't be so risky after all . . .
//Claire, what should I do? Is it worth the risk to Lennie? Is it finally time for me to move on? Is it worth the risk to love again?//
He could almost hear her sweet voice: //Jack, my love. Know that I will always be with you. Follow your heart and be happy again, my love.//
He came out of his reverie and looked again at Lennie sleeping so peacefully beside him. Yes. It would be a new experience, that was for sure. He reached out and gently ran his fingers down Lennie's cheek. The roughness of the unshaven face felt odd, but that just made it more exciting. New and exciting and wonderful. //But this one-handed thing is going to get old VERY fast. I had a broken arm as a kid too, Lennie. Will you help me change my underwear?// He chuckled at the thought, only a little embarrassed by the response growing between his legs.
The sound was enough to wake Lennie, who stretched luxuriously and rolled over onto his side, head propped on one arm, to look at Jack. "And just what are YOU laughing at?"
Ulp! Lennie's attention had kicked the embarrassment - AND the arousal - up several notches; his face was beginning to feel quite warm . . . "Sorry, Lennie. Didn't mean to wake you. Uh, nothing in particular. Just happy to be alive, I guess."
Lennie's eyebrow climbed practically off his face. "Right. That's OK, I'll let you off the hook this time." His expression turned serious. "How you feeling?"
"OK, Lennie. I think I'm going to be OK. Thanks to you." He reached over and pushed a stray lock of hair back from Lennie's face, letting the touch become a caress. Their eyes met, and this time Lennie knew for sure. He sat up and drew Jack into his arms, into the kiss. This time there was no hesitation. Fire coursed through every nerve in his body as their lips closed together, Jack's tongue pushing into his mouth. The kiss was long and slow as they discovered each other. Lennie couldn't believe how good this felt. Yeah, he had played around with the fantasy, but the reality was turning out to be infinitely better. If he had had any doubts about getting it on with a man, they were long gone. At least with THIS man.
Jack sighed as he released Lennie from the kiss; he was really getting hard now. "Oh, God, Lennie. I can't believe I'm doing this . . .can you believe I'm nervous?" Lennie traced his fingers from Jack's neck down the length of his good arm, ultimately taking Jack's hand in his. He lifted the fingers to his lips in a kiss. "We can take it slow, Jack. No rush. It's new to me too, we'll figure it out together."
"Not too slow, Lennie. I haven't felt like this for so long . . ." He pulled his fingers from Lennie's and reached out to slide his hand under the pyjama top Lennie wore.
"You want to lose the shirt, Lennie? I want to feel YOU. And I'm pretty useless at this undressing/dressing thing right now," he said with a mischievous grin. "Was that what you were laughing about?" Lennie asked as he slipped off the pyjama top, and in a moment of "what the hell" abandon also shed the pants. "Well, yeah, now that you mention it. Was picturing you . . ." Jack faded to silence as he realized he no longer had to picture Lennie in his mind.
For the next hour, the world dissolved into a joyous tumult of discovery . . .
~~~
Jack couldn't remember when he had last been this happy. He remembered his "conversation" with Claire a little while ago - "Follow your heart and be happy again." Words to live by. "Lennie? Thanks for staying with me at the hospital yesterday. And here last night. I don't know what I would have done without you." But he couldn't quite say the words haunting the back of his mind . . .
Lennie gently drew him back down, kissing the top of his head as he settled back into Lennie's shoulder. He heard the words Jack couldn't quite speak yet. He sighed contentedly; all was again good with the world.
Author's note. Anyone wanting more details on that "hour of discovery," email me.