A/N: I've decided that in this fiction, magic plays no part whatsoever so it isn't necessary for the Charmed Ones to have them. So they don't. And Piper and Leo are married without a child or any on the way. Cole is also long gone, because again, he would just detract from the main idea of this story. Got it? Good.

I should've been straight with him from the start. I just had to drag things out, for some reason, avoiding saying 'no', so as not to hurt him. I just made things much harder than they had to be. I really messed up... He even spent his money on me-a necklace. He bought it when he went on a vacation. Before he had the chance to give it to me when he came back, I had broken down, almost to tears, because I didn't know what to do.

I shouldn't have gone to the club that night... There weren't enough people there to blend in with, so the people who were there became all buddy- buddy. I shouldn't have flirted with him, I shouldn't have let him drape his arm around my shoulder--- I shouldn't have let him touch me at all. I wish I had kept to myself that night. He just seemed so sweet and sincere.

The following day I couldn't get him out of my head. I was all distraught, thinking he might not call or something. Now, I don't even think I wanted him to call. I'm happy I didn't kiss him. That would've made things much harder. But oh, how I wanted to kiss him.

Why didn't I just go out with him? I didn't want that, that's why. Everyone told me I should just say yes. I pretty much did a few times, but vaguely enough that it could be ripped back, if needed. And it was. It was ripped back from him-- I can still see his smile fading. All of those empty promises I made to him... I wasn't honest with him, let alone myself.

Fuck me. Fuck me and my stupidity. I should have been straight with him; with myself. He deserves all of the sympathy, but I cry anyways so the sympathy is thrown at me. I don't need it. I need a nice big smack, is all.

Guilt has always been my biggest burden, though. It's not that I've killed someone for revenge or anything. I would never do something like that. I don't even know the reason for most of this guilt, besides him, but there is no way I can think of to apologize for the havoc I've rot him. I'm not sure if he's moved on, but I hope he has so I can throw a big chunk of this guilt away. I guess I care about him more than I thought I did.

I've lost more weight. I don't want to lose any more, although I can't help but smile as the pounds just fall off. I know I'm not fat, but I could loose a little on my thighs. The thing is, I'm not even trying to loose anything... I don't want to weigh less, I just want more muscle-I haven't been trying to be thinner. I guess my eating habits have changed a bit, meaning eating is less of a priority than it used to me. I need to eat a box of doughnuts or something. But doughnuts are too sweet. How about a bag of chips then? Hmm. Sour cream and onion. That'd be good right about now. Are there any in the house? I might as well go check.

Hey, look! It's my dearest Piper! She hasn't noticed me. I guess I'll just leave her alone. The bag crinkles as I take it down from the cabinet. It's a nice new bag, still full of air, nice and plump. Piper whips her head around, sighing in relief as she sees me. She turns back to her book, saying absently. "You scared me, Paige." It was almost like she was talking to herself, so I just leave the room with my bag of munchies, feeling slightly unwanted. It's around midnight and I guess she doesn't want any company. Fine.

I smile at the chip between my thumb and forefinger, little green bits and a soft white powder dusting it. The crunch of it between my teeth is satisfying.

Half an hour later, I snap out of my trance, finding myself fishing around in an almost empty bag of my good ol' sour cream and onions. I carefully roll the top down and tuck the bag in the top drawer of my dresser, it crinkling gently in protest. I'll finish those tomorrow morning.

A/N: Harper, this whole thing is based on the stuff in my head-my feelings et cetera. So yeah, I do feel like this sometimes. It does suck. It's all up and down, really. Yeah. Anyways...

Trunks Ichijouji, I know that chapters are very, very short and that is kind of... unsatisfying, but I am writing things as them come. I don't want to force anything like I did with the story that kind of died. I don't want this one to rot along with it.

Thanks everyone for reviewing. It means a lot. I'll just leave it at that before I start rambling.

One more thing, I now have more respect for angsty stories. I realize now that quite a few of them actually have some history with the writer. Woo!