Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 50
Reaching his hand out, Grissom moved it back and forth, but was unsuccessful in his quest. Opening a sleepy eye, he realized Sara wasn't there. Rolling onto his back, he stretched as conscious thought gradually returned. After only two nights together, he was already used to her being there. Of course, her scent still lingered on the pillows, tantalizing him as he slept.
He closed his eyes, smiling, as memories of the weekend played out in his mind. She had been incredibly responsive. And imaginative. Chess held a whole new interest for him now. When he found himself responding to the mental images, Grissom smiled. He hadn't felt this young in ages.
Kicking off the covers, he moved his hand down his stomach to his growing desire. He stroked himself as he recalled the feel of Sara's hands and lips on his body as she sought to please him. The look of desire in her eyes as he brought her over the edge.
Licking his lips, he increased the pressure and speed as he remembered her whispered words of love, the way it felt to settle into her depths. Picking up the pace again, Grissom thought of her moans of pleasure as he moved within her, her nails raking down his back as she climaxed, her walls caressing him.
His own release came as Sara's encouragements to not hold back echoed in his mind.
Catching his breath, a smile formed on Grissom's face. Letting out a wistful sigh, he headed to the shower. It would be a long two weeks before she returned. At least he had a lot of memories to last until then.
A slight frown formed as he stepped into the spray of hot water. It didn't have to be that long, but Sara hadn't wanted to return the next weekend. He doubted it was just the travel inconvenience behind her decision. Grissom tried to recall anything that would explain her hesitance.
The flight out had been stressful for her, but the odds of being on a second plane with someone who would insist on proclaiming her deeds were slim. Of course, the probability of it happening once had been low. Other modes of transportation weren't likely to help. It was too long a drive for just a weekend visit, and there was no guarantee of not being recognized by a passenger on a train.
Of course, he probably hadn't helped. It wasn't like he was trying to avoid her question. He honestly didn't know how he'd react if Sara returned to work at the lab. There was no real empirical evidence on which to draw a conclusion.
Except his past behavior towards her.
Groaning, he turned his back into the spray. It was amazing she trusted him at all. She'd certainly been surprised at his offer to move. He needed to take some sort of action to make sure Sara knew he was serious about their relationship. All he needed to do was figure out what.
Getting out of the shower, he quickly dressed and ate. There would be a backlog of paperwork waiting for him tonight, and he didn't feel like staying in the townhouse alone. Sitting down at the computer, he decided to send Sara an answer to her question before heading into the office. Putting it off wouldn't help.
~~~~~
Flipping through her journal, Sara let out a disgusted sigh. The evidence was right there, if she had bothered to notice it.
When Philip Kane had told her to start the journal, she agreed, but didn't place much faith in it. Her initial entries had been more a matter of record keeping. She set up a code to monitor her stress reactions. The frequency and intensity of her outbursts, nightmares and mood swings were indicated by various measurements, neatly keyed on the first page.
Later, she found herself starting to add personal information. Gradually, it became clear why Kane had recommended the action. It was like having someone you could talk to, but not have to worry about their reactions to your comments.
Looking on her entries for the week leading up to the visit, Sara saw her current boss's assessment had been accurate. The idea of visiting Las Vegas had stressed her. A frustrated growl escaped from her lips as she recalled the conversation. She knew Jimmy meant well, but he hadn't brought up any points she hadn't already thought about.
Except why the thought of the trip bothered her.
Partially, she knew it was a reaction to seeing Grissom. They were still very early in their relationship. Jimmy had been right: there was a lot she didn't know about him. Nick loved sports, birds and talked all the time about his extended family and friends. Warrick was an athlete and musician, even if he was shy about his talent. She knew more about Catherine than she cared to know.
She did love Grissom, but she had lingering doubts about him. He'd backed off unexpectedly one too many times. He'd been wonderful, but she knew it would take a little while for her nervousness to go away. That was her problem, though.
She also knew part of the problem was Vegas itself. It was the scene of the crime, in a sense. Being there brought back memories she was trying to forget.
Mainly, Sara finally admitted, she was afraid of her own response. The other two concerns factored into that, but she didn't know how she'd react around Grissom or in the city. A bad reaction could easily have ruined her relationship with him.
Looking back on it, she decided she probably psyched herself out. When she'd been recognized on the flight, she was already tense. It didn't take much for her control to be fried. Now, she knew she could handle it, if not well, at least well enough to cope. On the next trip, she'd be careful not to make herself anxious before the flight.
A quick check of the computer revealed no messages from Grissom. She considered calling, but didn't want to make him feel rushed to provide an answer. Besides, she was beat. Yawning, she headed off to take a nap.
~~~~~~
"I cannot believe this shit! Pardon the pun," Brass growled as he leaned into the young man's face. "Do you have any idea the trouble you're in?"
"It was just a joke," he sputtered, looking over at the other men for reassurance. Getting none, he cowered further into his chair. "I didn't think he'd call the cops. We pull stunts like that all the time. It was just cow guts."
"Intestines," Grissom corrected in a friendly tone, looking over his glasses at the young man. "And your former boss doesn't seem to share your fondness for practical jokes. I believe he said that was why you were fired. 'Punk-ass troublemaker.' Ring any cow bells?"
"I quit," he muttered.
"That's not what you put on your unemployment insurance claim," Brass said with a fake smile. "Can we add fraud to your charges?"
"I'll pay to clean out his pizza oven! Honestly, it was just a joke!"
"Thought it be good for a belly laugh?" Grissom queried with a smile.
Nick and Warrick exchanged startled looks. Two quips in one night?
"Get him out of here," Brass growled to an officer, who escorted the joker to booking, with Grissom quickly following.
"Guess that visit from his old friend put him in a better mood," Nick teased.
"Is that what they're calling it now," Brass asked dryly.
Warrick and Nick turned to stare at the police captain as he headed to the door. Brass paused to point in the direction Grissom left. "That is the mood of a man who is getting some."
"No way," Nick said softly, shaking his head. "You think it was an old girlfriend?"
"With Grissom, who knows," Warrick replied as they left the interrogation room.
"Man, I can't believe he'd do that."
"Do what, Nick? How long did you expect him to wait? What's the longest you've ever gone after a breakup?"
"It's not the same, and you know it!"
Warrick sighed. "I feel for him. Both of them. But if it wasn't going to work, it's better they found out early. Let them move on."
"I guess. But what if Sara comes back?"
"I don't know. Do you think she's going to? This is Sara we're talking about. Have you ever seen her indecisive before? If she hasn't made up her mind yet, I'm thinking she's not coming back," Warrick sighed.
"I hope you're wrong, man."
"So do I."
~~~~~
Grissom looked up from his evidence as Greg nervously knocked, waving a menu.
"Say, we're getting together a order for Chinese. You want something?"
Much to the lab tech's surprise, Grissom agreed. Stepping into the room, he waited as his supervisor scanned the menu. Nick had told him about Brass's comments. Personally, Greg doubted anyone would get over her that quickly, but if it were true, then he'd have another chance with Sara.
"I heard you had a visitor this weekend. Do anything wild? Ride roller coasters?" he ventured cautiously.
"We played chess," Grissom replied after a moment's thought. A hint of an odd grin briefly appeared on his face.
"Well, you know, I was the captain of my college chess team. We could play, sometime, if you want."
"Somehow, Greg, I don't think it'd be the same," Grissom said, startling the lab tech with a chuckle.
~~~~
"Welcome back to the land of the living."
Grissom looked up from his paperwork to see Catherine smirking at him.
"I hear you actually joined the others for lunch, and you did it on a day I was working a case. What are the odds?"
"Of you working a case? Good, I hope."
Catherine gave him an amused look. "You're in a good mood tonight. Any chance of this becoming a regular occurrence?"
Grissom merely shrugged as he took off his glasses. He knew he hadn't been fair to his friend. "After the way I've been, I'm surprised you'd be interested."
"You're a friend, Gil. Why does that surprise you?"
"'I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.' Walt Whitman," he quoted.
"You're amazing. Doesn't matter the situation, but you can always pull out some literary reference that fits," she said with a laugh. "It's a shame you can't express yourself as easily. I think you'd save yourself a lot of pain if you could," she observed softly.
Grissom gave her a curious look as she left him to finish his paperwork. She was probably right. He turned to his e-mail quickly, not expecting a message from Sara. He hadn't realized until after he sent his response that she would have already left the lab. For a moment, he thought of forwarding another copy to her personal address, but he doubted she would want to read his answer twice.
As the sun began to creep over the horizon, a plan formed in Grissom's mind. Catherine had been right. He might as well play his strengths.
~~~~~
Finishing her journal entry, Sara looked up to see Jimmy crossing the quad. She'd developed the habit of eating her lunch on one of the benches under the trees lining the courtyard. Normally she ate with some of the other lab workers, but today she wanted to be alone.
Grissom's answer had been waiting for her when she came into work that morning.
"Sara,
"I am sorry I couldn't answer your question while you were here. It was something I should have told you in person.
"Professionally, I have to say I want you back in the lab. You're one of the best CSIs with whom I have ever worked. We all miss you, and hope you will come back.
"Personally, I want you to be happy. If returning to Las Vegas doesn't seem possible, then I am serious about relocating.
"I don't know how I'll react if you do come back to the lab. I have nothing on which to base a prediction. I know that's not much of an answer, but it's the best I can do. I won't lie to you, even to reassure you. I can promise that if it does become a problem, I'll do everything I can to deal with it.
"Love,
"Grissom."
She closed her eyes as she thought about his response. It wasn't as optimistic as she hoped, or as bad as she feared.
"I think you better come inside."
Jimmy offered her a hand up when she opened her eyes. His expression was unreadable.
"Is something wrong?"
"I don't know," he said cautiously.
Walking into the lobby, he grabbed her arm to lead her to the receptionist's desk. He grinned as the secretary pushed a potted miniature red rose bush and a FedEx package towards her.
Sara smirked when she read the card. "From Grissom."
"Verbose, isn't he?" Jimmy quipped.
Giving him a mock-glare, she opened the package, surprised to find a book of poetry. A sheet of paper was lodged inside. Opening the book to the marker, she smiled as she read the note.
"Sara,
"I'm not any good about expressing myself, so I decided to borrow the words of the masters.
"Love, Grissom"
Turning her attention to the book, she saw it was "A Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns.
"Seems there might be hope for your bug guy, after all," Jimmy said with a friendly smile.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 50
Reaching his hand out, Grissom moved it back and forth, but was unsuccessful in his quest. Opening a sleepy eye, he realized Sara wasn't there. Rolling onto his back, he stretched as conscious thought gradually returned. After only two nights together, he was already used to her being there. Of course, her scent still lingered on the pillows, tantalizing him as he slept.
He closed his eyes, smiling, as memories of the weekend played out in his mind. She had been incredibly responsive. And imaginative. Chess held a whole new interest for him now. When he found himself responding to the mental images, Grissom smiled. He hadn't felt this young in ages.
Kicking off the covers, he moved his hand down his stomach to his growing desire. He stroked himself as he recalled the feel of Sara's hands and lips on his body as she sought to please him. The look of desire in her eyes as he brought her over the edge.
Licking his lips, he increased the pressure and speed as he remembered her whispered words of love, the way it felt to settle into her depths. Picking up the pace again, Grissom thought of her moans of pleasure as he moved within her, her nails raking down his back as she climaxed, her walls caressing him.
His own release came as Sara's encouragements to not hold back echoed in his mind.
Catching his breath, a smile formed on Grissom's face. Letting out a wistful sigh, he headed to the shower. It would be a long two weeks before she returned. At least he had a lot of memories to last until then.
A slight frown formed as he stepped into the spray of hot water. It didn't have to be that long, but Sara hadn't wanted to return the next weekend. He doubted it was just the travel inconvenience behind her decision. Grissom tried to recall anything that would explain her hesitance.
The flight out had been stressful for her, but the odds of being on a second plane with someone who would insist on proclaiming her deeds were slim. Of course, the probability of it happening once had been low. Other modes of transportation weren't likely to help. It was too long a drive for just a weekend visit, and there was no guarantee of not being recognized by a passenger on a train.
Of course, he probably hadn't helped. It wasn't like he was trying to avoid her question. He honestly didn't know how he'd react if Sara returned to work at the lab. There was no real empirical evidence on which to draw a conclusion.
Except his past behavior towards her.
Groaning, he turned his back into the spray. It was amazing she trusted him at all. She'd certainly been surprised at his offer to move. He needed to take some sort of action to make sure Sara knew he was serious about their relationship. All he needed to do was figure out what.
Getting out of the shower, he quickly dressed and ate. There would be a backlog of paperwork waiting for him tonight, and he didn't feel like staying in the townhouse alone. Sitting down at the computer, he decided to send Sara an answer to her question before heading into the office. Putting it off wouldn't help.
~~~~~
Flipping through her journal, Sara let out a disgusted sigh. The evidence was right there, if she had bothered to notice it.
When Philip Kane had told her to start the journal, she agreed, but didn't place much faith in it. Her initial entries had been more a matter of record keeping. She set up a code to monitor her stress reactions. The frequency and intensity of her outbursts, nightmares and mood swings were indicated by various measurements, neatly keyed on the first page.
Later, she found herself starting to add personal information. Gradually, it became clear why Kane had recommended the action. It was like having someone you could talk to, but not have to worry about their reactions to your comments.
Looking on her entries for the week leading up to the visit, Sara saw her current boss's assessment had been accurate. The idea of visiting Las Vegas had stressed her. A frustrated growl escaped from her lips as she recalled the conversation. She knew Jimmy meant well, but he hadn't brought up any points she hadn't already thought about.
Except why the thought of the trip bothered her.
Partially, she knew it was a reaction to seeing Grissom. They were still very early in their relationship. Jimmy had been right: there was a lot she didn't know about him. Nick loved sports, birds and talked all the time about his extended family and friends. Warrick was an athlete and musician, even if he was shy about his talent. She knew more about Catherine than she cared to know.
She did love Grissom, but she had lingering doubts about him. He'd backed off unexpectedly one too many times. He'd been wonderful, but she knew it would take a little while for her nervousness to go away. That was her problem, though.
She also knew part of the problem was Vegas itself. It was the scene of the crime, in a sense. Being there brought back memories she was trying to forget.
Mainly, Sara finally admitted, she was afraid of her own response. The other two concerns factored into that, but she didn't know how she'd react around Grissom or in the city. A bad reaction could easily have ruined her relationship with him.
Looking back on it, she decided she probably psyched herself out. When she'd been recognized on the flight, she was already tense. It didn't take much for her control to be fried. Now, she knew she could handle it, if not well, at least well enough to cope. On the next trip, she'd be careful not to make herself anxious before the flight.
A quick check of the computer revealed no messages from Grissom. She considered calling, but didn't want to make him feel rushed to provide an answer. Besides, she was beat. Yawning, she headed off to take a nap.
~~~~~~
"I cannot believe this shit! Pardon the pun," Brass growled as he leaned into the young man's face. "Do you have any idea the trouble you're in?"
"It was just a joke," he sputtered, looking over at the other men for reassurance. Getting none, he cowered further into his chair. "I didn't think he'd call the cops. We pull stunts like that all the time. It was just cow guts."
"Intestines," Grissom corrected in a friendly tone, looking over his glasses at the young man. "And your former boss doesn't seem to share your fondness for practical jokes. I believe he said that was why you were fired. 'Punk-ass troublemaker.' Ring any cow bells?"
"I quit," he muttered.
"That's not what you put on your unemployment insurance claim," Brass said with a fake smile. "Can we add fraud to your charges?"
"I'll pay to clean out his pizza oven! Honestly, it was just a joke!"
"Thought it be good for a belly laugh?" Grissom queried with a smile.
Nick and Warrick exchanged startled looks. Two quips in one night?
"Get him out of here," Brass growled to an officer, who escorted the joker to booking, with Grissom quickly following.
"Guess that visit from his old friend put him in a better mood," Nick teased.
"Is that what they're calling it now," Brass asked dryly.
Warrick and Nick turned to stare at the police captain as he headed to the door. Brass paused to point in the direction Grissom left. "That is the mood of a man who is getting some."
"No way," Nick said softly, shaking his head. "You think it was an old girlfriend?"
"With Grissom, who knows," Warrick replied as they left the interrogation room.
"Man, I can't believe he'd do that."
"Do what, Nick? How long did you expect him to wait? What's the longest you've ever gone after a breakup?"
"It's not the same, and you know it!"
Warrick sighed. "I feel for him. Both of them. But if it wasn't going to work, it's better they found out early. Let them move on."
"I guess. But what if Sara comes back?"
"I don't know. Do you think she's going to? This is Sara we're talking about. Have you ever seen her indecisive before? If she hasn't made up her mind yet, I'm thinking she's not coming back," Warrick sighed.
"I hope you're wrong, man."
"So do I."
~~~~~
Grissom looked up from his evidence as Greg nervously knocked, waving a menu.
"Say, we're getting together a order for Chinese. You want something?"
Much to the lab tech's surprise, Grissom agreed. Stepping into the room, he waited as his supervisor scanned the menu. Nick had told him about Brass's comments. Personally, Greg doubted anyone would get over her that quickly, but if it were true, then he'd have another chance with Sara.
"I heard you had a visitor this weekend. Do anything wild? Ride roller coasters?" he ventured cautiously.
"We played chess," Grissom replied after a moment's thought. A hint of an odd grin briefly appeared on his face.
"Well, you know, I was the captain of my college chess team. We could play, sometime, if you want."
"Somehow, Greg, I don't think it'd be the same," Grissom said, startling the lab tech with a chuckle.
~~~~
"Welcome back to the land of the living."
Grissom looked up from his paperwork to see Catherine smirking at him.
"I hear you actually joined the others for lunch, and you did it on a day I was working a case. What are the odds?"
"Of you working a case? Good, I hope."
Catherine gave him an amused look. "You're in a good mood tonight. Any chance of this becoming a regular occurrence?"
Grissom merely shrugged as he took off his glasses. He knew he hadn't been fair to his friend. "After the way I've been, I'm surprised you'd be interested."
"You're a friend, Gil. Why does that surprise you?"
"'I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.' Walt Whitman," he quoted.
"You're amazing. Doesn't matter the situation, but you can always pull out some literary reference that fits," she said with a laugh. "It's a shame you can't express yourself as easily. I think you'd save yourself a lot of pain if you could," she observed softly.
Grissom gave her a curious look as she left him to finish his paperwork. She was probably right. He turned to his e-mail quickly, not expecting a message from Sara. He hadn't realized until after he sent his response that she would have already left the lab. For a moment, he thought of forwarding another copy to her personal address, but he doubted she would want to read his answer twice.
As the sun began to creep over the horizon, a plan formed in Grissom's mind. Catherine had been right. He might as well play his strengths.
~~~~~
Finishing her journal entry, Sara looked up to see Jimmy crossing the quad. She'd developed the habit of eating her lunch on one of the benches under the trees lining the courtyard. Normally she ate with some of the other lab workers, but today she wanted to be alone.
Grissom's answer had been waiting for her when she came into work that morning.
"Sara,
"I am sorry I couldn't answer your question while you were here. It was something I should have told you in person.
"Professionally, I have to say I want you back in the lab. You're one of the best CSIs with whom I have ever worked. We all miss you, and hope you will come back.
"Personally, I want you to be happy. If returning to Las Vegas doesn't seem possible, then I am serious about relocating.
"I don't know how I'll react if you do come back to the lab. I have nothing on which to base a prediction. I know that's not much of an answer, but it's the best I can do. I won't lie to you, even to reassure you. I can promise that if it does become a problem, I'll do everything I can to deal with it.
"Love,
"Grissom."
She closed her eyes as she thought about his response. It wasn't as optimistic as she hoped, or as bad as she feared.
"I think you better come inside."
Jimmy offered her a hand up when she opened her eyes. His expression was unreadable.
"Is something wrong?"
"I don't know," he said cautiously.
Walking into the lobby, he grabbed her arm to lead her to the receptionist's desk. He grinned as the secretary pushed a potted miniature red rose bush and a FedEx package towards her.
Sara smirked when she read the card. "From Grissom."
"Verbose, isn't he?" Jimmy quipped.
Giving him a mock-glare, she opened the package, surprised to find a book of poetry. A sheet of paper was lodged inside. Opening the book to the marker, she smiled as she read the note.
"Sara,
"I'm not any good about expressing myself, so I decided to borrow the words of the masters.
"Love, Grissom"
Turning her attention to the book, she saw it was "A Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns.
"Seems there might be hope for your bug guy, after all," Jimmy said with a friendly smile.