Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 51
Friday morning found Grissom yawning deeply as he paid the cab driver and headed towards to the lab with a smile. A friend of Nick's had scored tickets for some sporting event next week, and he had offered to switch nights off so the younger man could attend.
His motive hadn't been altruistic; the schedule change gave Grissom both Friday and Saturday nights off. He had quickly called Sara to see if she was up for a visit, then arranged for plane tickets. After work, he had just enough time to head home to pack a bag and get to the airport.
They would head to her place for lunch, and he'd take a nap while she went back to work. Tonight, they'd go out to dinner and a movie. Tomorrow would be spent on other diversions. Unfortunately, on such short notice he'd been unable to find a flight back on Sunday, and would have to leave late Saturday.
Yawning again, he headed into the lab's lobby. Noticing Sara and her co-workers excitedly heading down the hallway, Grissom smiled as he watched. She was beautiful - relaxed, rested and obviously in a great mood. Seeing her improved disposition made him happy. Spotting him, she flashed him a toothy grin, and walked over to hug him.
"What's going on?" he asked in amusement, as she pulled him down the hallway.
"Erwin had kittens."
Grissom turned to look at her in confusion. He knew he was tired, but that comment made no sense. Sara was watching him expectantly. "Do I even want to know what kind of experiments you're doing here?"
She gave him another grin as she squeezed his hand. "A reference you don't get? I can't believe it. Erwin is a stray they found living under one of the buildings. We adopted him. Except 'he' turned out to be a 'she'. Erweena didn't sound like a good name, so we didn't change it."
He smiled at her exuberance, but he still didn't understand the Erwin reference.
"Erwin Schrödinger developed one of the most famous paradoxes in theoretical physics," she prompted.
"The one about the cat in a box? It's neither dead nor alive?"
"That's the one. Denny's wife is a vet. He just brought them back from their first check-up," she said, pulling him into a supply room, pointing out the makeshift feline nursery set up in a large cardboard box.
Jimmy gave them a bemused look as he picked up the runt of the litter – Sara's favorite – and handed it to her. Grissom's expression softened as he watched her cuddling the kitten, both enjoying the attention. Reaching over, he scratched the ugliest bundle of fur he'd ever seen between the ears, triggering a loud purr.
"You seem to have that effect," Sara murmured, giving him a saucy look. Grissom shot her an embarrassed look as Jimmy started snickering. "I think she likes you."
"No one's taken Tesla yet, Sara," he ex-advisor pointed out.
"I know. But my lease won't let me have a cat," she answered sadly.
"Aren't they too young to take from their mother?" Grissom asked, watching as Sara reluctantly put the kitten back.
"Yeah, but the others have already been adopted out. We'll keep them here until they're old enough to leave their mom," Jimmy answered. Giving Sara a subtle wink, he turned to Grissom, grinning wildly. "When are you two going to start your own family?"
When she saw Grissom's panicked look, she flashed an angry look. "Jimmy, what we do, or don't do, isn't any of your business," she said hotly. "Come on, let's go get some lunch."
On the short walk to her apartment, Grissom tried to judge her mood. She seemed to fluctuate between anger and embarrassment. As she opened the door, Sara let out a sigh. "I'm sorry about that. He means well, but he doesn't know when to butt out."
"Do you want kids?"
A brief smile and small shrug were her only answers before she turned to the small kitchen area to grab sandwich makings. Walking up behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulders, repeating the question.
"I don't know. It'd be nice, I guess, to at least consider it. Not now," she added quickly. "It's way too soon for that conversation."
Grissom wished he could see her eyes. Her words said one thing, but her tone suggested another. Wasn't she sure herself or was she worried about his reaction? Kahill's question had caught him by surprise. It wasn't something Sara had mentioned to him yet. Had she talked about it with him?
He moved his hands down to her waist, pulling her back against him, kissing her neck. A family? That was another question he didn't have an answer for.
~~~~~
"You are so dead!" Sara promised, placing her hands on Jimmy's desk and leaning in close. "And I know how to hide the evidence!"
"Enjoy your lunch?" he asked distractedly.
"No. It was very awkward. Thanks a hell of a lot!"
The dean looked up from his paperwork, and noticed her angry tone from the first time. He gave her a friendly smile; she should be grateful he broached the subject for her.
"What? Look, it took the two of you years to even go out on a date. At the rate you're going, you'll both be retired before one of you mentioned it, and then it'd be too late. Don't you think you should know the answer before you get any more involved?"
"Jimmy, I don't even sure how I feel about having a family," she exclaimed, dropping into one of his office chairs. "I swear, if you scared him off …"
He merely deepened his smile, prompting Sara to glare harder. Jimmy knew he'd embarrassed her, but that was a small price to pay. Neither she nor Grissom were talkers; someone had to give them an occasional push. Besides, the bug guy wasn't as bad as he initially seemed. He probably could make Sara happy.
"Kiddo, the man's flying in just to spend a little bit of time with you. He didn't deny wanting kids. I don't think a question like that would scare him. If it does, you're better off knowing now."
She flashed him an exasperated look as his phone starting to ring, leaving the room with a string of curses and threats. If she had stayed a little longer, Sara would have seen the amused look on his face as the conversation progressed.
~~~~~
Grissom woke the next morning to the sound of rain, and Sara watching him admiringly. She leaned in to kiss him, slowly running her hands over his chest. Snuggling in closer, her hands continued their exploration over his shoulders and arms.
Feeling a bit guilty, she moved her head so she could watch his expression. Her upcoming plan wasn't as direct as she preferred, but it was the only one she could think of. She wanted to get to know Grissom better, but understood he wasn't comfortable talking about himself. If she could get him used to answering trivial questions, maybe he'd grow to trust her.
"Did you play baseball when you were younger?"
"No, I wasn't much of an athlete. Why?"
"How did you get to be so strong?" she asked, moving her hands across his upper back.
"Well, I play golf and swim on occasion," he said, enjoying both the gentle massage and her appreciation of his body. "The job requires a bit of physical effort, too. I used to ride my bike a lot when I was a kid."
Smiling, she ran a hand under the sheets and along the back of his thigh. "Nice muscle definition. Roll over."
Once he was on his stomach, she began a thorough massage of his back. This was yielding results. She continued to ask him questions about his golf scores and preferences in clubs, until he rolled over, pulling her against his chest.
"You're in pretty good shape yourself," he whispered, kissing her neck softly as his hands caressed her back.
"Used to surf as a kid."
"I didn't know that," he said, pausing briefly.
"I was terrible at it. Never talk about it," she sighed as his hands became more curious. "I've started going to the campus gym a couple nights a week. Keeps me out of here," she said, nodding to indicate the tiny apartment.
His hands ceased their travels as he rolled them over to their sides. They had all day for this. Right now, Grissom wanted to know how her recovery was going. He brushed a lock of hair from her face, and then gently stroked her cheek.
"What else are you doing? You said you were making an effort to get some hobbies. I noticed the seedlings," he nodded in the direction of her lone window.
"Jimmy's good for something," she muttered darkly. "He gave me seeds from his citrus trees. They'll make nice bonsai once they're bigger. A bunch of us go to the movies, and I go out to dinner with some of the gang at least once a week. I'm tutoring some of the undergrads. There are free concerts all the time, but most aren't very good. I catch some of the different activities on campus."
"Sounds like you're keeping yourself from getting bored," he said lightly.
"Grissom, I've been bored out of my mind ever since I got pulled from the field," she whispered. "I want to go back to being a CSI. I don't think coming back to the city will be a problem. At least not a permanent one. I'm still nervous about not being able to handle the job, though."
"There's no rush. And you don't have to come back, not if you don't want to," he insisted.
"I want to," she repeated, running a hand over his back. "If I can't go back to the field, I think I'm going to take another job in the department. Public Affairs wants me to join them."
He lifted himself on one arm so he could watch her better. "Public Affairs?" he asked in surprise.
"I know. Can you see me getting dressed up every day?"
"I meant you'd be bored with that work. It wouldn't challenge you. And you look nice when you dress up." Grissom paused at her expression. He shifted nervously when he realized his mistake. "I mean, you look nice when you're not dressed. Dressed up," he said, dropping his head when Sara began laughing. "You're just beautiful."
"Thanks."
He smiled tenderly as she blushed at his simple statement of fact. Wrapping his arm under her, he rolled onto his back, pulling her along.
"What about that accident survivor's group? Still going to meetings?"
"No," she said, with a shrug. "That was a waste of time. I quit going to those while I was still in Vegas."
"Why?"
"I didn't fit in. The others lost limbs, were paralyzed or had their families or friends killed in accidents. 'I wasn't hurt at all, but I'm stressed out' really didn't seem to be in the same ballpark."
"Is anything helping?" he asked softly.
Sara smiled and pressed closer against him. "Well, there's this guy. He does these really sweet things, like sending me plants and poetry."
"I seem to recall you thanking him for that last night," he chuckled.
"I just hope he knows how much stuff like that means to me," she said, raining soft kisses on his chest.
"He probably hopes you know he wishes he could say the things you should be hearing," Grissom said, lifting her head so he could watch her expression.
She laughed as she parsed out the sentence. "There are more ways of communicating than with words."
"But some things should be said," Grissom replied, unwilling to drop the subject.
"He manages to say some pretty good things from time-to-time," she said, lifting herself on one arm so she had a better view of his face. "In fact, he's been known to leave me speechless on occasion."
"Are those occasions enough?"
"Well, I wouldn't complain if they were more frequent, but they are incredible when they do come," she said before leaning in for another kiss.
"What left you speechless?" Grissom asked eagerly.
"A couple of things. Remember when I asked you since when were you interested in beauty?"
"Since I met you," he replied softly, running his fingers through her hair.
"That was a good one," she said, moving to nuzzle his neck. "'The lab needs you.' wasn't a good one," she said in mock-warning.
"I'll never tell you the truth, again," he deadpanned, earning him a playful punch. "Ow. Would 'I need you' have been a better answer?"
"Is it the truth?" Sara asked quietly.
"Yes," he whispered, cradling her face. A smile formed as he realized she was speechless.
Shaking her head, Sara ran her hand over his chest, before reaching down to pull off the covers. It was Grissom's turn to be speechless as she began kissing her way down his body.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 51
Friday morning found Grissom yawning deeply as he paid the cab driver and headed towards to the lab with a smile. A friend of Nick's had scored tickets for some sporting event next week, and he had offered to switch nights off so the younger man could attend.
His motive hadn't been altruistic; the schedule change gave Grissom both Friday and Saturday nights off. He had quickly called Sara to see if she was up for a visit, then arranged for plane tickets. After work, he had just enough time to head home to pack a bag and get to the airport.
They would head to her place for lunch, and he'd take a nap while she went back to work. Tonight, they'd go out to dinner and a movie. Tomorrow would be spent on other diversions. Unfortunately, on such short notice he'd been unable to find a flight back on Sunday, and would have to leave late Saturday.
Yawning again, he headed into the lab's lobby. Noticing Sara and her co-workers excitedly heading down the hallway, Grissom smiled as he watched. She was beautiful - relaxed, rested and obviously in a great mood. Seeing her improved disposition made him happy. Spotting him, she flashed him a toothy grin, and walked over to hug him.
"What's going on?" he asked in amusement, as she pulled him down the hallway.
"Erwin had kittens."
Grissom turned to look at her in confusion. He knew he was tired, but that comment made no sense. Sara was watching him expectantly. "Do I even want to know what kind of experiments you're doing here?"
She gave him another grin as she squeezed his hand. "A reference you don't get? I can't believe it. Erwin is a stray they found living under one of the buildings. We adopted him. Except 'he' turned out to be a 'she'. Erweena didn't sound like a good name, so we didn't change it."
He smiled at her exuberance, but he still didn't understand the Erwin reference.
"Erwin Schrödinger developed one of the most famous paradoxes in theoretical physics," she prompted.
"The one about the cat in a box? It's neither dead nor alive?"
"That's the one. Denny's wife is a vet. He just brought them back from their first check-up," she said, pulling him into a supply room, pointing out the makeshift feline nursery set up in a large cardboard box.
Jimmy gave them a bemused look as he picked up the runt of the litter – Sara's favorite – and handed it to her. Grissom's expression softened as he watched her cuddling the kitten, both enjoying the attention. Reaching over, he scratched the ugliest bundle of fur he'd ever seen between the ears, triggering a loud purr.
"You seem to have that effect," Sara murmured, giving him a saucy look. Grissom shot her an embarrassed look as Jimmy started snickering. "I think she likes you."
"No one's taken Tesla yet, Sara," he ex-advisor pointed out.
"I know. But my lease won't let me have a cat," she answered sadly.
"Aren't they too young to take from their mother?" Grissom asked, watching as Sara reluctantly put the kitten back.
"Yeah, but the others have already been adopted out. We'll keep them here until they're old enough to leave their mom," Jimmy answered. Giving Sara a subtle wink, he turned to Grissom, grinning wildly. "When are you two going to start your own family?"
When she saw Grissom's panicked look, she flashed an angry look. "Jimmy, what we do, or don't do, isn't any of your business," she said hotly. "Come on, let's go get some lunch."
On the short walk to her apartment, Grissom tried to judge her mood. She seemed to fluctuate between anger and embarrassment. As she opened the door, Sara let out a sigh. "I'm sorry about that. He means well, but he doesn't know when to butt out."
"Do you want kids?"
A brief smile and small shrug were her only answers before she turned to the small kitchen area to grab sandwich makings. Walking up behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulders, repeating the question.
"I don't know. It'd be nice, I guess, to at least consider it. Not now," she added quickly. "It's way too soon for that conversation."
Grissom wished he could see her eyes. Her words said one thing, but her tone suggested another. Wasn't she sure herself or was she worried about his reaction? Kahill's question had caught him by surprise. It wasn't something Sara had mentioned to him yet. Had she talked about it with him?
He moved his hands down to her waist, pulling her back against him, kissing her neck. A family? That was another question he didn't have an answer for.
~~~~~
"You are so dead!" Sara promised, placing her hands on Jimmy's desk and leaning in close. "And I know how to hide the evidence!"
"Enjoy your lunch?" he asked distractedly.
"No. It was very awkward. Thanks a hell of a lot!"
The dean looked up from his paperwork, and noticed her angry tone from the first time. He gave her a friendly smile; she should be grateful he broached the subject for her.
"What? Look, it took the two of you years to even go out on a date. At the rate you're going, you'll both be retired before one of you mentioned it, and then it'd be too late. Don't you think you should know the answer before you get any more involved?"
"Jimmy, I don't even sure how I feel about having a family," she exclaimed, dropping into one of his office chairs. "I swear, if you scared him off …"
He merely deepened his smile, prompting Sara to glare harder. Jimmy knew he'd embarrassed her, but that was a small price to pay. Neither she nor Grissom were talkers; someone had to give them an occasional push. Besides, the bug guy wasn't as bad as he initially seemed. He probably could make Sara happy.
"Kiddo, the man's flying in just to spend a little bit of time with you. He didn't deny wanting kids. I don't think a question like that would scare him. If it does, you're better off knowing now."
She flashed him an exasperated look as his phone starting to ring, leaving the room with a string of curses and threats. If she had stayed a little longer, Sara would have seen the amused look on his face as the conversation progressed.
~~~~~
Grissom woke the next morning to the sound of rain, and Sara watching him admiringly. She leaned in to kiss him, slowly running her hands over his chest. Snuggling in closer, her hands continued their exploration over his shoulders and arms.
Feeling a bit guilty, she moved her head so she could watch his expression. Her upcoming plan wasn't as direct as she preferred, but it was the only one she could think of. She wanted to get to know Grissom better, but understood he wasn't comfortable talking about himself. If she could get him used to answering trivial questions, maybe he'd grow to trust her.
"Did you play baseball when you were younger?"
"No, I wasn't much of an athlete. Why?"
"How did you get to be so strong?" she asked, moving her hands across his upper back.
"Well, I play golf and swim on occasion," he said, enjoying both the gentle massage and her appreciation of his body. "The job requires a bit of physical effort, too. I used to ride my bike a lot when I was a kid."
Smiling, she ran a hand under the sheets and along the back of his thigh. "Nice muscle definition. Roll over."
Once he was on his stomach, she began a thorough massage of his back. This was yielding results. She continued to ask him questions about his golf scores and preferences in clubs, until he rolled over, pulling her against his chest.
"You're in pretty good shape yourself," he whispered, kissing her neck softly as his hands caressed her back.
"Used to surf as a kid."
"I didn't know that," he said, pausing briefly.
"I was terrible at it. Never talk about it," she sighed as his hands became more curious. "I've started going to the campus gym a couple nights a week. Keeps me out of here," she said, nodding to indicate the tiny apartment.
His hands ceased their travels as he rolled them over to their sides. They had all day for this. Right now, Grissom wanted to know how her recovery was going. He brushed a lock of hair from her face, and then gently stroked her cheek.
"What else are you doing? You said you were making an effort to get some hobbies. I noticed the seedlings," he nodded in the direction of her lone window.
"Jimmy's good for something," she muttered darkly. "He gave me seeds from his citrus trees. They'll make nice bonsai once they're bigger. A bunch of us go to the movies, and I go out to dinner with some of the gang at least once a week. I'm tutoring some of the undergrads. There are free concerts all the time, but most aren't very good. I catch some of the different activities on campus."
"Sounds like you're keeping yourself from getting bored," he said lightly.
"Grissom, I've been bored out of my mind ever since I got pulled from the field," she whispered. "I want to go back to being a CSI. I don't think coming back to the city will be a problem. At least not a permanent one. I'm still nervous about not being able to handle the job, though."
"There's no rush. And you don't have to come back, not if you don't want to," he insisted.
"I want to," she repeated, running a hand over his back. "If I can't go back to the field, I think I'm going to take another job in the department. Public Affairs wants me to join them."
He lifted himself on one arm so he could watch her better. "Public Affairs?" he asked in surprise.
"I know. Can you see me getting dressed up every day?"
"I meant you'd be bored with that work. It wouldn't challenge you. And you look nice when you dress up." Grissom paused at her expression. He shifted nervously when he realized his mistake. "I mean, you look nice when you're not dressed. Dressed up," he said, dropping his head when Sara began laughing. "You're just beautiful."
"Thanks."
He smiled tenderly as she blushed at his simple statement of fact. Wrapping his arm under her, he rolled onto his back, pulling her along.
"What about that accident survivor's group? Still going to meetings?"
"No," she said, with a shrug. "That was a waste of time. I quit going to those while I was still in Vegas."
"Why?"
"I didn't fit in. The others lost limbs, were paralyzed or had their families or friends killed in accidents. 'I wasn't hurt at all, but I'm stressed out' really didn't seem to be in the same ballpark."
"Is anything helping?" he asked softly.
Sara smiled and pressed closer against him. "Well, there's this guy. He does these really sweet things, like sending me plants and poetry."
"I seem to recall you thanking him for that last night," he chuckled.
"I just hope he knows how much stuff like that means to me," she said, raining soft kisses on his chest.
"He probably hopes you know he wishes he could say the things you should be hearing," Grissom said, lifting her head so he could watch her expression.
She laughed as she parsed out the sentence. "There are more ways of communicating than with words."
"But some things should be said," Grissom replied, unwilling to drop the subject.
"He manages to say some pretty good things from time-to-time," she said, lifting herself on one arm so she had a better view of his face. "In fact, he's been known to leave me speechless on occasion."
"Are those occasions enough?"
"Well, I wouldn't complain if they were more frequent, but they are incredible when they do come," she said before leaning in for another kiss.
"What left you speechless?" Grissom asked eagerly.
"A couple of things. Remember when I asked you since when were you interested in beauty?"
"Since I met you," he replied softly, running his fingers through her hair.
"That was a good one," she said, moving to nuzzle his neck. "'The lab needs you.' wasn't a good one," she said in mock-warning.
"I'll never tell you the truth, again," he deadpanned, earning him a playful punch. "Ow. Would 'I need you' have been a better answer?"
"Is it the truth?" Sara asked quietly.
"Yes," he whispered, cradling her face. A smile formed as he realized she was speechless.
Shaking her head, Sara ran her hand over his chest, before reaching down to pull off the covers. It was Grissom's turn to be speechless as she began kissing her way down his body.