Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 56
It took Grissom a moment to realize the pounding wasn't just in his head, but also coming from the front door. As he slowly awoke, he realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch some time after Sara had left. Letting out a groan, his muscles complained as he headed towards to the door.
His head ached, his hand throbbed, and he wanted to ignore whoever was out there, but Grissom didn't want to take the chance Sara had forgotten her key. She was already upset with him enough. Opening the door, he squinted in the brighter light, surprised to find Catherine waiting there. She gave him a friendly smile, and entered before he issued an invitation.
"Hey, Gil. Did I wake you up?"
"Yes."
"Sorry," she said sympathetically.
"Why don't you come in? Don't be shy," he said sarcastically, before moving into the kitchen.
Taking a seat on one of the barstools by the kitchen, she gave him an uneasy look. She'd heard about his case last night; unlike the others, she knew just how deeply cases involving kids bothered him. With the other rumors floating around, she decided to check up on him after dropping off Lindsay at a friend's birthday party.
Brass had confided Grissom had shown up at the scene in a suit, upset by the fact that his evening was being interrupted. That jived with Warrick's early statement that their boss was seeing someone. Catherine had avoided grilling him about her, knowing that this relationship might just be a rebound from Sara. If it was, he wouldn't want to talk about it.
Then Vega had called her earlier with a wild tale of seeing Grissom leaving a dump of a motel, best known for catering to a certain type of working girl. The detective had just arrived in the neighborhood to interview a witness when he saw Grissom exiting the motel office, driving off alone.
She'd thanked him for his discretion, and promptly discarded the story. Grissom wasn't the type to risk his career or health with a prostitute. Looking at her friend now, she wondered if there might have been some truth to the story. He was in pain, disheveled, his hand was bandaged, and he answered her with an unusually snarky tone of voice. Something had happened to him; she hoped he hadn't done anything too stupid.
Had the combination of a ruined evening and the stress driven him to that motel? Why else would he have gone there? Even if his 'friend' was staying with him, and he was in the doghouse, he could have slept on the couch.
"I heard about your case last night. Bitch isn't it? Some people should never have kids," she offered.
Grissom looked up long enough from making the coffee to give her a nod.
"What happened?" Catherine pointed to his knuckles.
"I lost my temper," he finally said.
She raised an eyebrow, and turned to scan his townhouse. He'd rearranged some things. If he had a guest, there were no obvious signs. Out here, anyway. The bedroom might tell a different story, but she could do without those details. "Been moving furniture?"
Leaning against the counter, he pushed the box of donuts towards her, ignoring the question. The bookcases hadn't moved themselves.
"Okay," she said, her smirk showing she wasn't upset. "You want to talk about it?"
Grissom stared at his bandaged knuckles. The truth was he could use Catherine's advice, but he didn't think it was a good idea to discuss his troubles with her. Sara might not appreciate it if he shared their fight. Personally, he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of the others knowing he was seeing her. Especially now that it looked like he may have ruined things with Sara. The last thing he wanted was more pity from his friends.
"I don't think so, Catherine. Thanks," he finally answered.
She gave him a friendly smile, and reached out to squeeze his uninjured hand. Taking a deed breath, she plunged into her next topic. It probably wouldn't get very far, but she had to try.
"I was thinking of going to the blood analysis seminar next month in Lompoc."
Grissom looked up in confusion. "Why? That isn't a very good conference. I doubt you'd learn anything from it."
"It's near Santa Barbara, right? Figured I'd use it as a chance to visit Sara. One of us has to talk to her. We need to know if she's coming back."
"Catherine," he sighed. Getting up, he fished out a bottle of aspirin and some water. "Why don't you just ask her? You're e-mailing her, right?"
"Yeah, but it's not the same. You can say anything in a note. I want to talk to her face-to-face. If nothing else, I want to see if she's okay. This whole thing's been rough on her."
For a long time, Grissom gave her an odd look. With a mild shake of his head, he walked back towards her, swallowing his pills. "How does she seem?" he finally asked in a low voice.
"Okay, I guess," she answered quickly. After spending so much time avoiding any conversation about her, Catherine found his sudden interest in Sara intriguing.
"She's happy there, isn't she?" His tone indicated it wasn't really a question.
"So she says."
"That's good. I'm glad."
"Don't you want her to come back?" she asked in shock.
"When was the last time she was happy in Vegas, Catherine? I mean really happy," he asked intently.
"I don't know. Before the bus accident," she answered, deliberately keeping her response vague.
"We both know it was well before the accident."
Catherine raised an eyebrow in surprise. Not only did he realize he'd been responsible for her unhappiness, he was acknowledging it. Sara's leaving must have affected him more deeply than he let on.
"Maybe it's best if she doesn't come back," he whispered. "She's happy in California. Sara deserves that."
"Maybe she could be happy here again," she said pointedly.
Grissom let out a long sigh. He had to be careful, but if he did this right he could get advice while maintaining his privacy.
"Do you think I could have ever made her happy?"
"Sara thought so," she said softly.
He let out a short grunt. Hopefully, Catherine was wrong about her verb tense, and Sara still thought so. Rubbing his hand over his face, Grissom took another shot.
"Was she wrong?"
"I don't know, Gil. Look, we weren't best buds. I don't know what she thought about everything. But Sara's sharp. No one ever used 'flighty' to describe her. She knows what she wants, and she doesn't make rash decisions. Most of the time," she added quickly. "She didn't just draw your name out of a hat."
"Why me? What did she see in me?"
"Damned if I know," Catherine deadpanned. "Sorry, sorry. Just joking," she said with an apologetic shrug as Grissom glared at her.
"Consider the evidence. Sara's attractive. That got her a lot of attention from the guys. If all she wanted was some fun in the sheets, then she'd have no troubles. But that wasn't all she wanted."
Grissom nodded briefly, encouraging her to continue.
"She's also very intelligent and very confident. Both of those can scare men off. She needed to find a guy who was at least as smart as she was, or who's comfortable around an intelligent woman. You fit on both counts."
"I'm not the only man who fits that profile," he pointed out.
"No, but let's look at the others. Nicky's like a brother to her. She and Warrick got off to a bad start with her having to investigate him. They get along fine now, but he's into the party scene and she's not. Brass; well, let's not go there," she said, smiling again. This time he at least returned it briefly.
"I guess, after you, Greg or David had the best shot."
"What?" Grissom exclaimed. "Stop with the jokes, Catherine. It's not helping my headache."
"Hey, no joke. David is a sweet guy. He's smart, kind and absolutely adores Sara. If he had some more self-confidence, he would have had a chance. Greg's biggest drawback was he was too much of a joker. Sara likes to have fun, but she has a serious side. Of course, ever since the explosion, Greg's mellowed out. He probably had a better chance now than he did before."
Grissom started pacing the kitchen, upset by the direction the conversation had taken. The thought of Sara with any of the others was too disturbing, but imagining her with the lab tech made his stomach churn.
"What about that Hank guy? He wasn't very bright. He certainly didn't treat her right," Grissom said acidly.
Catherine smiled kindly. This was good; he was finally talking. "We all get lonely, Gil. She didn't want to be alone. He showed an interest in her, he was nice to her. Well, at least on the surface."
"It doesn't really sound like I had much to offer her," he finally said.
"More than you realize, Gil," Catherine said. "When you let your guard down, you have a great sense of humor. You used to joke and tease her all the time. She loved that. You're a nice guy; I know you're supportive as hell. You'd never cheat on her. That's important to Sara. Don't sell yourself short."
"I couldn't stop her from leaving," he said sadly.
"I know that hurt like hell, Gil, but it probably was for the best," she said kindly. "She needs time. You don't just get over something like that. If she'd stayed and you had rushed things, it probably would have ended badly."
"It still did," he said vaguely.
"Maybe. Maybe not. She's pretty forgiving. If she comes back, maybe she'll give you another chance. Give yourself another chance to make her happy."
"What about kids? What if she wants a family?" Grissom asked nervously. Despite the fact Sara had avoided the subject, he knew she was thinking about it.
"You have faulty equipment or something?" Catherine asked.
"No," Grissom stated firmly, turning so she wouldn't see the blush climbing up his face.
"Then what's the problem? Don't you want kids?"
"It's not a matter of what I want," he sighed.
"Then what is the problem?"
"How about age? Even if we started a family right away, I'd be nearly 70 by the time our oldest got out of high school. I could easily be dead before they finish college. It wouldn't be fair to put that type of burden on her."
"Or you could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Did you think Eddie and I ever wondered if he'd see our grandkids? Life's a gamble. She probably would rather raise the kids herself than being totally alone after you're gone. If it really bothers you, make sure you have a great insurance policy."
"That's not all of it. Do you think I'd ever be a good father?" he asked quietly. "It's not like I had a role model. I'm not good socially. I wouldn't want to screw them up."
"You'd be surprised what kids can do," Catherine said softly. "You want what's best for them, and that can bring out what's best in you. Like I said, Gil, give yourself some credit. Besides, any kids of yours would be the envy of the neighborhood."
"What makes you say that?" he asked eagerly.
"They'd have the best bugs and the coolest things to bring to show-and-tell."
Grissom smiled briefly, before dropping his head onto his hand. "It's probably all moot by now, Catherine," he said softly.
"I don't know. She hung around for years waiting on you. Let's face it, Gil. You treated her like crap at times, and she still gave you another chance. Don't take that for granted. One of these days, you're going to pull one too many stupid stunts."
"It's not like I did it on purpose," he groused, rubbing his sore hand.
"I know, sweetie," she said maternally. "You know Sara. Think about what's important to her personally. Don't lie to her, respect her and trust her. Remember those things and you'll get along fine."
Catherine got up and poured them some coffee. Sitting there, they sat quietly while he thought over what she had said. When his phone rang, she went to grab one of the donuts.
"Grissom."
"Hey," Sara said softly. "Is that Catherine's car in the parking lot?"
"Yes," he said, looking up to watch his friend nervously.
"Oh. Have you had lunch yet?"
"No."
Taking her donut and coffee, Catherine headed to the dining room table so he could have some privacy. She noticed Sara's plants sitting there. 'Poor guy,' she thought. He was still taking care of them, even if he was heartbroken. Yeah, he had more to offer than he realized.
"I'll go back out, then."
"You don't have to do that," he offered. Maybe it would do her good to talk with Catherine. If it helped her, it would be worth any discomfort he felt.
"Yeah, I do," she stated. "I'll be back later. Do you think she'll be around much longer?"
"I don't think so."
"Well, I'll bring back some lunch. You have any preferences?"
"Anything's fine."
"Okay. Grissom …" There was a pregnant pause. "I'm sorry. For earlier. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Sure."
"Bye."
"Bye."
"Hey, Gil, why don't you go back to bed?" Catherine advised. "If you need the night off, give me a call. I'll fill in for you."
"Thanks, Catherine. I'll think about it," he said as he escorted her to the door.
Sitting back on the couch, he closed his eyes. Sara hadn't been happy, but she didn't seem angry. What was going to happen when she got here?
TBC
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 56
It took Grissom a moment to realize the pounding wasn't just in his head, but also coming from the front door. As he slowly awoke, he realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch some time after Sara had left. Letting out a groan, his muscles complained as he headed towards to the door.
His head ached, his hand throbbed, and he wanted to ignore whoever was out there, but Grissom didn't want to take the chance Sara had forgotten her key. She was already upset with him enough. Opening the door, he squinted in the brighter light, surprised to find Catherine waiting there. She gave him a friendly smile, and entered before he issued an invitation.
"Hey, Gil. Did I wake you up?"
"Yes."
"Sorry," she said sympathetically.
"Why don't you come in? Don't be shy," he said sarcastically, before moving into the kitchen.
Taking a seat on one of the barstools by the kitchen, she gave him an uneasy look. She'd heard about his case last night; unlike the others, she knew just how deeply cases involving kids bothered him. With the other rumors floating around, she decided to check up on him after dropping off Lindsay at a friend's birthday party.
Brass had confided Grissom had shown up at the scene in a suit, upset by the fact that his evening was being interrupted. That jived with Warrick's early statement that their boss was seeing someone. Catherine had avoided grilling him about her, knowing that this relationship might just be a rebound from Sara. If it was, he wouldn't want to talk about it.
Then Vega had called her earlier with a wild tale of seeing Grissom leaving a dump of a motel, best known for catering to a certain type of working girl. The detective had just arrived in the neighborhood to interview a witness when he saw Grissom exiting the motel office, driving off alone.
She'd thanked him for his discretion, and promptly discarded the story. Grissom wasn't the type to risk his career or health with a prostitute. Looking at her friend now, she wondered if there might have been some truth to the story. He was in pain, disheveled, his hand was bandaged, and he answered her with an unusually snarky tone of voice. Something had happened to him; she hoped he hadn't done anything too stupid.
Had the combination of a ruined evening and the stress driven him to that motel? Why else would he have gone there? Even if his 'friend' was staying with him, and he was in the doghouse, he could have slept on the couch.
"I heard about your case last night. Bitch isn't it? Some people should never have kids," she offered.
Grissom looked up long enough from making the coffee to give her a nod.
"What happened?" Catherine pointed to his knuckles.
"I lost my temper," he finally said.
She raised an eyebrow, and turned to scan his townhouse. He'd rearranged some things. If he had a guest, there were no obvious signs. Out here, anyway. The bedroom might tell a different story, but she could do without those details. "Been moving furniture?"
Leaning against the counter, he pushed the box of donuts towards her, ignoring the question. The bookcases hadn't moved themselves.
"Okay," she said, her smirk showing she wasn't upset. "You want to talk about it?"
Grissom stared at his bandaged knuckles. The truth was he could use Catherine's advice, but he didn't think it was a good idea to discuss his troubles with her. Sara might not appreciate it if he shared their fight. Personally, he still wasn't comfortable with the idea of the others knowing he was seeing her. Especially now that it looked like he may have ruined things with Sara. The last thing he wanted was more pity from his friends.
"I don't think so, Catherine. Thanks," he finally answered.
She gave him a friendly smile, and reached out to squeeze his uninjured hand. Taking a deed breath, she plunged into her next topic. It probably wouldn't get very far, but she had to try.
"I was thinking of going to the blood analysis seminar next month in Lompoc."
Grissom looked up in confusion. "Why? That isn't a very good conference. I doubt you'd learn anything from it."
"It's near Santa Barbara, right? Figured I'd use it as a chance to visit Sara. One of us has to talk to her. We need to know if she's coming back."
"Catherine," he sighed. Getting up, he fished out a bottle of aspirin and some water. "Why don't you just ask her? You're e-mailing her, right?"
"Yeah, but it's not the same. You can say anything in a note. I want to talk to her face-to-face. If nothing else, I want to see if she's okay. This whole thing's been rough on her."
For a long time, Grissom gave her an odd look. With a mild shake of his head, he walked back towards her, swallowing his pills. "How does she seem?" he finally asked in a low voice.
"Okay, I guess," she answered quickly. After spending so much time avoiding any conversation about her, Catherine found his sudden interest in Sara intriguing.
"She's happy there, isn't she?" His tone indicated it wasn't really a question.
"So she says."
"That's good. I'm glad."
"Don't you want her to come back?" she asked in shock.
"When was the last time she was happy in Vegas, Catherine? I mean really happy," he asked intently.
"I don't know. Before the bus accident," she answered, deliberately keeping her response vague.
"We both know it was well before the accident."
Catherine raised an eyebrow in surprise. Not only did he realize he'd been responsible for her unhappiness, he was acknowledging it. Sara's leaving must have affected him more deeply than he let on.
"Maybe it's best if she doesn't come back," he whispered. "She's happy in California. Sara deserves that."
"Maybe she could be happy here again," she said pointedly.
Grissom let out a long sigh. He had to be careful, but if he did this right he could get advice while maintaining his privacy.
"Do you think I could have ever made her happy?"
"Sara thought so," she said softly.
He let out a short grunt. Hopefully, Catherine was wrong about her verb tense, and Sara still thought so. Rubbing his hand over his face, Grissom took another shot.
"Was she wrong?"
"I don't know, Gil. Look, we weren't best buds. I don't know what she thought about everything. But Sara's sharp. No one ever used 'flighty' to describe her. She knows what she wants, and she doesn't make rash decisions. Most of the time," she added quickly. "She didn't just draw your name out of a hat."
"Why me? What did she see in me?"
"Damned if I know," Catherine deadpanned. "Sorry, sorry. Just joking," she said with an apologetic shrug as Grissom glared at her.
"Consider the evidence. Sara's attractive. That got her a lot of attention from the guys. If all she wanted was some fun in the sheets, then she'd have no troubles. But that wasn't all she wanted."
Grissom nodded briefly, encouraging her to continue.
"She's also very intelligent and very confident. Both of those can scare men off. She needed to find a guy who was at least as smart as she was, or who's comfortable around an intelligent woman. You fit on both counts."
"I'm not the only man who fits that profile," he pointed out.
"No, but let's look at the others. Nicky's like a brother to her. She and Warrick got off to a bad start with her having to investigate him. They get along fine now, but he's into the party scene and she's not. Brass; well, let's not go there," she said, smiling again. This time he at least returned it briefly.
"I guess, after you, Greg or David had the best shot."
"What?" Grissom exclaimed. "Stop with the jokes, Catherine. It's not helping my headache."
"Hey, no joke. David is a sweet guy. He's smart, kind and absolutely adores Sara. If he had some more self-confidence, he would have had a chance. Greg's biggest drawback was he was too much of a joker. Sara likes to have fun, but she has a serious side. Of course, ever since the explosion, Greg's mellowed out. He probably had a better chance now than he did before."
Grissom started pacing the kitchen, upset by the direction the conversation had taken. The thought of Sara with any of the others was too disturbing, but imagining her with the lab tech made his stomach churn.
"What about that Hank guy? He wasn't very bright. He certainly didn't treat her right," Grissom said acidly.
Catherine smiled kindly. This was good; he was finally talking. "We all get lonely, Gil. She didn't want to be alone. He showed an interest in her, he was nice to her. Well, at least on the surface."
"It doesn't really sound like I had much to offer her," he finally said.
"More than you realize, Gil," Catherine said. "When you let your guard down, you have a great sense of humor. You used to joke and tease her all the time. She loved that. You're a nice guy; I know you're supportive as hell. You'd never cheat on her. That's important to Sara. Don't sell yourself short."
"I couldn't stop her from leaving," he said sadly.
"I know that hurt like hell, Gil, but it probably was for the best," she said kindly. "She needs time. You don't just get over something like that. If she'd stayed and you had rushed things, it probably would have ended badly."
"It still did," he said vaguely.
"Maybe. Maybe not. She's pretty forgiving. If she comes back, maybe she'll give you another chance. Give yourself another chance to make her happy."
"What about kids? What if she wants a family?" Grissom asked nervously. Despite the fact Sara had avoided the subject, he knew she was thinking about it.
"You have faulty equipment or something?" Catherine asked.
"No," Grissom stated firmly, turning so she wouldn't see the blush climbing up his face.
"Then what's the problem? Don't you want kids?"
"It's not a matter of what I want," he sighed.
"Then what is the problem?"
"How about age? Even if we started a family right away, I'd be nearly 70 by the time our oldest got out of high school. I could easily be dead before they finish college. It wouldn't be fair to put that type of burden on her."
"Or you could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Did you think Eddie and I ever wondered if he'd see our grandkids? Life's a gamble. She probably would rather raise the kids herself than being totally alone after you're gone. If it really bothers you, make sure you have a great insurance policy."
"That's not all of it. Do you think I'd ever be a good father?" he asked quietly. "It's not like I had a role model. I'm not good socially. I wouldn't want to screw them up."
"You'd be surprised what kids can do," Catherine said softly. "You want what's best for them, and that can bring out what's best in you. Like I said, Gil, give yourself some credit. Besides, any kids of yours would be the envy of the neighborhood."
"What makes you say that?" he asked eagerly.
"They'd have the best bugs and the coolest things to bring to show-and-tell."
Grissom smiled briefly, before dropping his head onto his hand. "It's probably all moot by now, Catherine," he said softly.
"I don't know. She hung around for years waiting on you. Let's face it, Gil. You treated her like crap at times, and she still gave you another chance. Don't take that for granted. One of these days, you're going to pull one too many stupid stunts."
"It's not like I did it on purpose," he groused, rubbing his sore hand.
"I know, sweetie," she said maternally. "You know Sara. Think about what's important to her personally. Don't lie to her, respect her and trust her. Remember those things and you'll get along fine."
Catherine got up and poured them some coffee. Sitting there, they sat quietly while he thought over what she had said. When his phone rang, she went to grab one of the donuts.
"Grissom."
"Hey," Sara said softly. "Is that Catherine's car in the parking lot?"
"Yes," he said, looking up to watch his friend nervously.
"Oh. Have you had lunch yet?"
"No."
Taking her donut and coffee, Catherine headed to the dining room table so he could have some privacy. She noticed Sara's plants sitting there. 'Poor guy,' she thought. He was still taking care of them, even if he was heartbroken. Yeah, he had more to offer than he realized.
"I'll go back out, then."
"You don't have to do that," he offered. Maybe it would do her good to talk with Catherine. If it helped her, it would be worth any discomfort he felt.
"Yeah, I do," she stated. "I'll be back later. Do you think she'll be around much longer?"
"I don't think so."
"Well, I'll bring back some lunch. You have any preferences?"
"Anything's fine."
"Okay. Grissom …" There was a pregnant pause. "I'm sorry. For earlier. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Sure."
"Bye."
"Bye."
"Hey, Gil, why don't you go back to bed?" Catherine advised. "If you need the night off, give me a call. I'll fill in for you."
"Thanks, Catherine. I'll think about it," he said as he escorted her to the door.
Sitting back on the couch, he closed his eyes. Sara hadn't been happy, but she didn't seem angry. What was going to happen when she got here?
TBC