A/N: Hey I got this out faster than I thought I would, its about as long as I was hoping to have the prologue be. The last installment will take me a while, I'm aiming for 5 pages.
Credits and Disclaimers - Some parts of this story were inspired by poetry collected from classic literature, while I was writing I found a piece by Cummings that struck a cord and I decided to slip it in as my primary inspiration. I don't own our bishounen GW pilots, or anything else so, please, read and enjoy, content in the knowledge that I am not a thief.
- Somewhere -
Somewhere I have never traveled, gladly
beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence:
In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
Or which I cannot touch because they are too near.
Your slightest look easily will unclose me
Though I have closed myself as fingers,
You open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(Touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose.
Or if your wish be to close me, I and
My life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
As when the heart of this flower imagines
The snow carefully everywhere descending;
Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
The power of your intense fragility: whose texture
Compels me with the colour of its countries,
Rendering death and forever with each breathing,
(I do not know what it is about you that closes
And opens; only something in me understands
The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
by E.E. Cummings
"Naishin Juubun Gunsotsu"
The Innermost thoughts (of a) Perfect Soldier
Chapter One - Beyond the Masquerade
**I see that rare flash of life and genuine emotion alight, when we're alone and there's no one to over hear. I have seen the difference between that every day laugh so filled with false cheer and your gentle almost shy chuckle, that it seems you've saved just for me. When I see you open up it's a beautiful glowing sparkle deep within your eyes, I can feel my own layers of emotional resistance begin to fall away, folding back like curtains on a sunny day. Though I have successfully closed myself off within this secure soldiers shell, with each day between battles I feel the responses that you all but force from behind my cold veneer. When with just the barest glance from your cobalt eyes, so hollow and uncertain, I feel the wall begin to crumble as doors I never knew about begin to open just like the petals of a spring blossom. Mysteriously from the first, why can't I fight against this friendship you offer so guilelessly? Why am I so week to your allure? Why does it feel so natural when I help you or accept your aid?**
That was how the Perfect Soldier found himself in his current position, being carted to Quatre and Trowa's engagement party by his talkative partner. Shaking his head Heero looked up from his note pad to gaze out the window, as the jet touched down he blinked at the snow, well it was February and not everyplace could be as warm and hospitable as the Sank kingdom.
Duo laughed and came to his feet, "Come on Hee-chan we've got a 90 minute layover before we catch our shuttle to L3. Let's see if we can find a restaurant, ja ne?"
Heero had forgotten how much his foolish partner loved the snow and rain on earth, making a vain attempt he schooled his features and put away his things before following his friend down the jet way to the space-bound concourse. Where Duo promptly followed his nose to the Thai Buffet and as the two former Gundam Pilots sank into chairs, the braided boy launched into a one-sided conversation about a place they had eaten during the war.
"I don't miss the missions, but I miss being useful, the adrenalin, and a lot of other little things. Like that winter the five of us were told to lay low and get seasonal jobs at that ski resort, remember? I really miss it don't you?"
Heero was given pause by the memory of their first winter together, the snow, the music, the laughter. At the time Heero had found it overwhelming, today however he longed to relive it. Duo had found that his birthday was in December, smiling to himself Heero relaxed back in his chair, remembering how puzzled he'd been when Duo had thrown him a party. It was an agonizing realization for the Perfect Soldier, but he missed being able to come home to the braided baka.
Without giving it much thought Heero contributed a quiet response, "Hai. Wolf Creek Lodge. I miss it too."
Duo, pleased by the participation and admission, smiled and kept talking. Loving the time with his best friend, as they ate the topics gradually shifted from one to another, and the minutes blurred together, until they were boarding the passenger shuttle to the colonies.
**Sometimes I'm surprised by how blinded I am, I know that my baka wants only to be near his friends, and his lovely eyes flash when he is pushed away, but like a faithful ally he always returns to us when he's needed. I worry that one day I will push my violet eyed shinigami too hard and he will be gone forever. In the darkness I need him, and want him near me always, my partner. I can't fight it when the night comes and I see his eyes in the shadows sparkling and speaking of their deepest sorrows like stars in the night sky. I want to tell him that I will be there for him, even as I push, I think he understands the message unbidden that reflects in my own blue eyes, yet still I fear that one day I'll wake and he won't be there anymore. He will have missed my unspoken plea, blind to the look in my eyes as I pretend to be to the look in his. When nobody's watching I'm overwhelmed by fleeting images like the seeds of a dandelion swept away in the breeze, like so many forgotten ideals the wispy and dancing snowflakes of dreams, nightmares that haunt my sleeping hours. I fear that those precious jewels, the amethysts of your gaze may be forever outside my reach. **
They had been in transit to the colonies for just over an hour and a half, just a little longer and they would reach L3, and in the silence of the almost empty shuttle compartment Heero glared at the computer in front of him. Occupied wishing a hundred painful deaths on the editor of Time Life Magazine through the medium of its glowing screen, completely put off by the subject he had been asked to write on. Writing on such a frivolous topic went against his grain. He was used to writing about war, foreign policy, and current political agenda's from his useful position within the Peacecraft Palace.
No he definitely was at loss with the topic. Dammit why? Why couldn't someone else handle Kiyoshi's cover story? Immediately feeling guilty for the mental tirade, 'Yoshi was in the hospital after all, trying to calm his thoughts and coax his mind into writing on a subject he was so disinterested in; Heero leaned back in his chair looking at the potential titles lined up neatly on the legal pad, along with a handful of idea's. He glanced across the aisle and allowed his gaze to linger on his braided partner before settling in to write, if he was fortunate the article would be finished by the time they arrived on L3 . . .
Duo's POV
**Something's we never see until it's almost too late, I always though you didn't care. I guess I was just ignorant to the diamond in the rough. I was willing to over look your finer traits, and your beautiful strengths, I couldn't see the pain beneath your mask, and I shuddered when you were put to the task. That day you risked it all for our cause when we could no longer fight, you took it further than any of us could dream, you never stopped to question, we never stopped to reason, your valiance made us equal, but I guess it's all in the perception.
When I had all but given up, my heart bled that day you offered your all, today I look on you and fight to hide my awe at the power you hide behind that fragile face and small frame, is it your stormy eyes that compel me to care? You in your perfection have reawakened something I thought forgotten, and I fear that my curse will color your life with the death that has tainted so many of those I love. My fear grows even as you defy all reason. I have begin to suspect that you're different for that very distinction, and I pause to notice there have been more than a few life threatening situations that you have been left staring in resignation questioning why is it, that you keep breathing. **
Duo looked across the dimly lit shuttle to gaze on the fading silhouette of his partner, who sat leaned back in his seat typing rather lethargically on his laptop (For Heero anything less than 75 wpm is lethargic). Remembering with affection, the times they had been at each others throats, at boarding school, the missions at dawn, and casual competitions. The way he could always rely on Heero to be there for him during the war, in a lot of ways they had been left at each others mercy. The had shared secrets, and more than a few hidden sorrows. He had never imagined that Heero would turn out to be the savior of the world or 'the heart of outer space' as Quatre called him.
Shifting his gaze to the darkened window, Duo sighed knowing there simply had to be more to it, though reluctantly he began to admit to himself, that if there was indeed more to it that there appeared to be he wouldn't find the answers anywhere other than himself. He knew that from the look in Heero's eyes there was a lot more to the story for them both even though they were such complete opposites when you looked beyond the surface, of a sunrise in deeply saddened eyes, past the pretense they both had so artfully built to hide their real selves from the world around them.
Unless they managed to get rid of the chains that bound them both to there own sorrowful pasts and forgot their fears, they would never be strong enough to find the answers and be worthy of affection. No matter what they said to each other, no matter the insults they dealt, the other was always there. As long as he had that friendship he didn't want for anything, and Duo had no intention of that ever letting that change.
A/N: So what do you think? Reviews Please!?!?!
Un-Attainable Desire - By Amaya M. Vaughn.
He is my light, my dark
My joy, my pain
He is the poetry that flows through my veins
He is my north, my south
my east, my west
He is the solace where my soul finds rest
He is my noon, my night
my talk, my song
I thought he could love me . . .
But I was wrong