Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 62
The bedroom was dark when Grissom awoke the next evening, but he could make out Sara's form beside him in bed. She sat on top of the covers, leaning against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of her. One hand rubbed against her eyes, wiping away the few stray tears, while the other absentmindedly scratched the kitten's head.
"How did it go?" he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Fine."
"Hmmm." The non-descript comment was all his mind could muster at the moment. He'd been on a case until late morning, but had taken the time to call Sara before she left for the lawyer's office. She'd promised to call if she needed anything, but assured him she'd be all right.
Despite his exhaustion, Grissom found sleep elusive when he got back to the townhouse. There hadn't been any word from Sara, but he still worried about how she was holding up. When he finally did drift off, his dreams had been vaguely disturbing, although he couldn't recall the details.
"Really."
"Sara?" Grissom asked intently as the mental fog began to lift, and he recognized the strained quality of her voice.
"I'm fine."
Setting upright, he mimicked Sara's pose, propping a pillow behind him. Holding out his arm, he waited until she slid up against him before wrapping it around her shoulders.
"I'm fine," she repeated, her voice steadier.
"Did you sleep well last night?" he asked, concerned that the stress had caused her nightmares to return.
"Good enough," she said vaguely. "Played with Tesla before going to the lawyer's office. That was fun."
"I can call in tonight, if you want me to stay here."
"No, you don't have to do that. I don't think I'll be the best company to be around, anyway."
"Okay."
"Thanks for asking," she looked up to give him a fleeting smile.
"How long have you been back?" he asked.
"Not long. Maybe an hour."
"That didn't take too long," Grissom yawned, looking at the bedside clock.
"It went better than before. We didn't have to stop as often this time," she said quietly. "It wasn't as hard to describe what happened."
"It'll keep getting easier, Sara. It may not seem like it, but it will."
"I know. I keep reminding myself of that," she said, curling up closer against him. Letting out a sigh, she shifted so she could kiss his cheek. "At least I'm not freaking out this time," she said with an exaggerated eye roll.
Grissom dipped his head down to kiss her lightly, then began running his hand slowly across her back. A smiled formed as she watched the kitten pounce as he moved his toes under the sheets. "I can't believe you did that for me. It was nice waking up with her."
"I considered getting you an aquarium, but I thought you'd prefer waking up with the kitten to sleepin' wit da fishes," he said in a mock-gangster voice.
"That was bad, Grissom," she groaned, shaking her head, but giving him a smile for attempting to lighten the mood.
"I never claimed to be a comedian. You should have woken me up," he said. "You didn't have to sit here alone."
Sara shrugged, resting her hand against his chest. He drew his arm in slightly, bringing her closer against him and kissed her forehead gently. After a few moments, Sara let out a ragged breath.
"I wish I could forget everything that happened that day. I don't want to remember it. I hate talking about the accident. And I'm going to have to do it over and over again. Lawyers for the bus company, the school district, the construction firm. Anyone else they can think to blame – they'll all have their own depositions. Dammit! It was an accident. Nothing's going to bring those kids back!"
"People need a sense of closure, Sara. It's too hard to accept that something so tragic can just happen. Until they can blame someone, they won't be able to let it go," he said softly, rubbing her shoulder.
"I know. But how does drawing a legal battle out for years close anything? Damn lawyers will take most of the settlement, anyway. I just wish it was over."
"The odds are the insurance companies will make an out-of-court settlement. In the long run, that's usually the most cost-effective measure for them. You may never have to talk about this again until you're ready."
"I've said all I want to say about it," she sighed. "More than I ever wanted to say about it. At least it's getting easier to talk about. I … know … I did all I could. I wish I could have saved him, but I know I couldn't. God, the look on his face when Hunter thought I was his mother. That's going to haunt me for a long time."
Grissom tried to bring his other arm around her, but Sara slipped out of the bed, apologizing softly. Wrapping her arms around herself, she headed for the doorway.
"Do you want to go out for dinner?" he asked.
"Not tonight, thanks. Why don't you grab a shower and I'll fix us something to eat," she offered, resting against the frame.
"You don't have to cook. I'll make us dinner when I get out of the shower," he said, approaching her slowly. When she didn't back off, he slid his arms around her waist, kissing her neck when she leaned against him.
"I don't mind. I need to do something," she said in explanation, running her hands along his forearms.
"All right. I'll be out in a minute."
When he entered the kitchen later, he found Sara rapidly cutting up a selection of vegetables. With practiced ease, she scooped them up to dump in a pot of boiling water to blanch. It never ceased to amaze him how expertly she handled cooking even though she despised it.
"Pasta primavera. I've got the cream sauce started. I saw you had shrimp in the freezer. That'd go well with this, if you want to thaw some out."
"Smells delicious. I'm going to get spoiled if you keep this up," he said, taking out the bag of seafood and heading towards the sink.
"Don't count on it. This is about the only recipe I know that doesn't feed 20 people," she said looking up from the cutting board. "Now, if you ever go insane and invite the entire lab over for dinner, I've got you covered."
"Do you want to?"
"To what? Go insane? Cover you?" she smirked, waggling her eyebrows playfully.
He smiled, happy to see her actively trying to improve her mood. Grabbing a pot of water and setting his dinner on the stove, Grissom walked over to stand near her, his demeanor becoming serious.
"Invite the others to dinner. If you want to see them, we can have them over. I wouldn't mind," he explained. "You were so happy to see them on your last visit. I thought it'd help cheer you up."
"Thanks, but I'm going to be okay. And honestly, I'd rather spend the time with you. I don't think I'm up to a party. Besides, that would kill any chance of keeping us quiet."
"They're going to find out soon enough," he stated.
"Oh?"
"Well, they are investigators. I think they'll eventually notice we're living together when you come back," he said, walking over to the fridge to grab the ingredients for a salad.
"Excuse me?"
Grissom froze as he rummaged through the produce drawer, her tone carrying a definite edge. Had he said something wrong?
"What?" he asked cautiously, peeking around the door. Spotting Sara facing him, hands on her hips, staring at him pointedly didn't help put his mind at ease.
"You've decided where I'm living?" she asked incredulously.
"No," he said, standing upright and smiling apologetically. "I didn't mean it that way."
"Okay," she said with a mock-glare, "how did you mean it?"
"I assumed you'd want to move in with me."
"You know what happens when you make assumptions."
"There's no reason for you get an apartment," he stated forcefully.
"Really?" Sara asked, turning to face him again, a bemused expression on her face.
"What reason is there not to move in?" he asked moving to stand beside her. "You went through too much of your savings buying plane tickets. You get no equity by paying rent. It's money wasted. Think of all the extra cost with two sets of utility bills. It's impractical."
"You are such a romantic," she said with a laugh. Turning back to the stove, she checked on the various pans, jumping when Grissom wrapped his arms around her.
"I've never asked anyone to move in with me before. Sorry if I'm not doing a good job of it," he said, kissing her neck. "I thought you knew I wanted you here with me. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms knowing you'll be there when I wake up. Well, somewhere in the house," he teased. "I need more sleep than you do."
"I want that, too."
"Then why wouldn't you want to move in, Sara?"
"I don't think it's a good idea," she said softly, concentrating on the pans before her.
"I won't crowd you," Grissom said softly. "I know there'll be times when you want to be alone. You don't have to worry about having your own space. I know this place is too small for both of us. It's getting too small for me. We'll get a larger home."
"You've thought this through," she said in surprise.
"I saved the real estate section from Sunday's paper. I wasn't sure if you'd have any preferences in style or location, but if you're up for it, we can check out some places while you're here."
"God, you're really serious."
"Very," he whispered, resting his head on her shoulder. "Why don't you want to live with me?"
"Grissom," she sighed, closing her eyes at his sad tone. "It's not that I don't want to. I do. Really. It's just not a good idea."
Running her hands down his arms, Sara pulled herself from his grasp. Turning to face him, she gave him a sad smile, and caressed his cheek.
"It's not you. It's me. I don't think something this major is a good idea. Not yet. We don't know what's going to happen when I go back to the lab. I don't even know what job I'll be doing there. Or will be able to do. It's a big step to take when I don't know what my employment prospects are going to be."
"How's an apartment any different? You'd still be paying rent if something happened. The townhouse is paid off; once it's sold and applied to the mortgage, the payments on a new place wouldn't be very high. Your share would certainly be less than what rent would cost you."
"You're making this hard to say 'no' to, but I have to. For now," she said, stepping out of his embrace.
"I'm pushing, aren't I?" he asked sadly.
"No, I don't want dinner to burn," she said, smiling as she turned off the sauce. "I don't cook often, but when I do, I don't screw it up."
Grissom sighed and returned to the fridge for the salad items, then checked on his shrimp. Sara watched him sadly, his disappointment obvious in his body language. She knew this hadn't been an easy thing for him to ask, and she hated not being able to give him the answer he wanted.
After dishing out the meal, she took the plates to the dining room, where Grissom was opening a bottle of wine. Setting down her burden, she walked over to him and drew him into a hug, startling him.
"Hey, babe, keep the real estate section."
"Really?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling at his eagerness. "But don't go buying anything yet. Let's see how things go, first. I'll run over to Henderson tomorrow. There's an apartment complex there that rents by the month, for people in town for long business trips. I'll get a place for a month or two, but I'll spend my free time here with you. If you don't want to have me committed after that, then we can talk about getting a new place together."
"Okay," he said, grinning broadly, willing to accept the compromise.
"Besides, we have to have someplace to use as storage before you can list this place for sale," Sara teased, laughing at the sudden transformation.
"Why?"
"No one's going to buy a roach-infested townhouse," she quipped, moving to take her seat.
TBC
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 62
The bedroom was dark when Grissom awoke the next evening, but he could make out Sara's form beside him in bed. She sat on top of the covers, leaning against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of her. One hand rubbed against her eyes, wiping away the few stray tears, while the other absentmindedly scratched the kitten's head.
"How did it go?" he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Fine."
"Hmmm." The non-descript comment was all his mind could muster at the moment. He'd been on a case until late morning, but had taken the time to call Sara before she left for the lawyer's office. She'd promised to call if she needed anything, but assured him she'd be all right.
Despite his exhaustion, Grissom found sleep elusive when he got back to the townhouse. There hadn't been any word from Sara, but he still worried about how she was holding up. When he finally did drift off, his dreams had been vaguely disturbing, although he couldn't recall the details.
"Really."
"Sara?" Grissom asked intently as the mental fog began to lift, and he recognized the strained quality of her voice.
"I'm fine."
Setting upright, he mimicked Sara's pose, propping a pillow behind him. Holding out his arm, he waited until she slid up against him before wrapping it around her shoulders.
"I'm fine," she repeated, her voice steadier.
"Did you sleep well last night?" he asked, concerned that the stress had caused her nightmares to return.
"Good enough," she said vaguely. "Played with Tesla before going to the lawyer's office. That was fun."
"I can call in tonight, if you want me to stay here."
"No, you don't have to do that. I don't think I'll be the best company to be around, anyway."
"Okay."
"Thanks for asking," she looked up to give him a fleeting smile.
"How long have you been back?" he asked.
"Not long. Maybe an hour."
"That didn't take too long," Grissom yawned, looking at the bedside clock.
"It went better than before. We didn't have to stop as often this time," she said quietly. "It wasn't as hard to describe what happened."
"It'll keep getting easier, Sara. It may not seem like it, but it will."
"I know. I keep reminding myself of that," she said, curling up closer against him. Letting out a sigh, she shifted so she could kiss his cheek. "At least I'm not freaking out this time," she said with an exaggerated eye roll.
Grissom dipped his head down to kiss her lightly, then began running his hand slowly across her back. A smiled formed as she watched the kitten pounce as he moved his toes under the sheets. "I can't believe you did that for me. It was nice waking up with her."
"I considered getting you an aquarium, but I thought you'd prefer waking up with the kitten to sleepin' wit da fishes," he said in a mock-gangster voice.
"That was bad, Grissom," she groaned, shaking her head, but giving him a smile for attempting to lighten the mood.
"I never claimed to be a comedian. You should have woken me up," he said. "You didn't have to sit here alone."
Sara shrugged, resting her hand against his chest. He drew his arm in slightly, bringing her closer against him and kissed her forehead gently. After a few moments, Sara let out a ragged breath.
"I wish I could forget everything that happened that day. I don't want to remember it. I hate talking about the accident. And I'm going to have to do it over and over again. Lawyers for the bus company, the school district, the construction firm. Anyone else they can think to blame – they'll all have their own depositions. Dammit! It was an accident. Nothing's going to bring those kids back!"
"People need a sense of closure, Sara. It's too hard to accept that something so tragic can just happen. Until they can blame someone, they won't be able to let it go," he said softly, rubbing her shoulder.
"I know. But how does drawing a legal battle out for years close anything? Damn lawyers will take most of the settlement, anyway. I just wish it was over."
"The odds are the insurance companies will make an out-of-court settlement. In the long run, that's usually the most cost-effective measure for them. You may never have to talk about this again until you're ready."
"I've said all I want to say about it," she sighed. "More than I ever wanted to say about it. At least it's getting easier to talk about. I … know … I did all I could. I wish I could have saved him, but I know I couldn't. God, the look on his face when Hunter thought I was his mother. That's going to haunt me for a long time."
Grissom tried to bring his other arm around her, but Sara slipped out of the bed, apologizing softly. Wrapping her arms around herself, she headed for the doorway.
"Do you want to go out for dinner?" he asked.
"Not tonight, thanks. Why don't you grab a shower and I'll fix us something to eat," she offered, resting against the frame.
"You don't have to cook. I'll make us dinner when I get out of the shower," he said, approaching her slowly. When she didn't back off, he slid his arms around her waist, kissing her neck when she leaned against him.
"I don't mind. I need to do something," she said in explanation, running her hands along his forearms.
"All right. I'll be out in a minute."
When he entered the kitchen later, he found Sara rapidly cutting up a selection of vegetables. With practiced ease, she scooped them up to dump in a pot of boiling water to blanch. It never ceased to amaze him how expertly she handled cooking even though she despised it.
"Pasta primavera. I've got the cream sauce started. I saw you had shrimp in the freezer. That'd go well with this, if you want to thaw some out."
"Smells delicious. I'm going to get spoiled if you keep this up," he said, taking out the bag of seafood and heading towards the sink.
"Don't count on it. This is about the only recipe I know that doesn't feed 20 people," she said looking up from the cutting board. "Now, if you ever go insane and invite the entire lab over for dinner, I've got you covered."
"Do you want to?"
"To what? Go insane? Cover you?" she smirked, waggling her eyebrows playfully.
He smiled, happy to see her actively trying to improve her mood. Grabbing a pot of water and setting his dinner on the stove, Grissom walked over to stand near her, his demeanor becoming serious.
"Invite the others to dinner. If you want to see them, we can have them over. I wouldn't mind," he explained. "You were so happy to see them on your last visit. I thought it'd help cheer you up."
"Thanks, but I'm going to be okay. And honestly, I'd rather spend the time with you. I don't think I'm up to a party. Besides, that would kill any chance of keeping us quiet."
"They're going to find out soon enough," he stated.
"Oh?"
"Well, they are investigators. I think they'll eventually notice we're living together when you come back," he said, walking over to the fridge to grab the ingredients for a salad.
"Excuse me?"
Grissom froze as he rummaged through the produce drawer, her tone carrying a definite edge. Had he said something wrong?
"What?" he asked cautiously, peeking around the door. Spotting Sara facing him, hands on her hips, staring at him pointedly didn't help put his mind at ease.
"You've decided where I'm living?" she asked incredulously.
"No," he said, standing upright and smiling apologetically. "I didn't mean it that way."
"Okay," she said with a mock-glare, "how did you mean it?"
"I assumed you'd want to move in with me."
"You know what happens when you make assumptions."
"There's no reason for you get an apartment," he stated forcefully.
"Really?" Sara asked, turning to face him again, a bemused expression on her face.
"What reason is there not to move in?" he asked moving to stand beside her. "You went through too much of your savings buying plane tickets. You get no equity by paying rent. It's money wasted. Think of all the extra cost with two sets of utility bills. It's impractical."
"You are such a romantic," she said with a laugh. Turning back to the stove, she checked on the various pans, jumping when Grissom wrapped his arms around her.
"I've never asked anyone to move in with me before. Sorry if I'm not doing a good job of it," he said, kissing her neck. "I thought you knew I wanted you here with me. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms knowing you'll be there when I wake up. Well, somewhere in the house," he teased. "I need more sleep than you do."
"I want that, too."
"Then why wouldn't you want to move in, Sara?"
"I don't think it's a good idea," she said softly, concentrating on the pans before her.
"I won't crowd you," Grissom said softly. "I know there'll be times when you want to be alone. You don't have to worry about having your own space. I know this place is too small for both of us. It's getting too small for me. We'll get a larger home."
"You've thought this through," she said in surprise.
"I saved the real estate section from Sunday's paper. I wasn't sure if you'd have any preferences in style or location, but if you're up for it, we can check out some places while you're here."
"God, you're really serious."
"Very," he whispered, resting his head on her shoulder. "Why don't you want to live with me?"
"Grissom," she sighed, closing her eyes at his sad tone. "It's not that I don't want to. I do. Really. It's just not a good idea."
Running her hands down his arms, Sara pulled herself from his grasp. Turning to face him, she gave him a sad smile, and caressed his cheek.
"It's not you. It's me. I don't think something this major is a good idea. Not yet. We don't know what's going to happen when I go back to the lab. I don't even know what job I'll be doing there. Or will be able to do. It's a big step to take when I don't know what my employment prospects are going to be."
"How's an apartment any different? You'd still be paying rent if something happened. The townhouse is paid off; once it's sold and applied to the mortgage, the payments on a new place wouldn't be very high. Your share would certainly be less than what rent would cost you."
"You're making this hard to say 'no' to, but I have to. For now," she said, stepping out of his embrace.
"I'm pushing, aren't I?" he asked sadly.
"No, I don't want dinner to burn," she said, smiling as she turned off the sauce. "I don't cook often, but when I do, I don't screw it up."
Grissom sighed and returned to the fridge for the salad items, then checked on his shrimp. Sara watched him sadly, his disappointment obvious in his body language. She knew this hadn't been an easy thing for him to ask, and she hated not being able to give him the answer he wanted.
After dishing out the meal, she took the plates to the dining room, where Grissom was opening a bottle of wine. Setting down her burden, she walked over to him and drew him into a hug, startling him.
"Hey, babe, keep the real estate section."
"Really?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling at his eagerness. "But don't go buying anything yet. Let's see how things go, first. I'll run over to Henderson tomorrow. There's an apartment complex there that rents by the month, for people in town for long business trips. I'll get a place for a month or two, but I'll spend my free time here with you. If you don't want to have me committed after that, then we can talk about getting a new place together."
"Okay," he said, grinning broadly, willing to accept the compromise.
"Besides, we have to have someplace to use as storage before you can list this place for sale," Sara teased, laughing at the sudden transformation.
"Why?"
"No one's going to buy a roach-infested townhouse," she quipped, moving to take her seat.
TBC