Summary: After viewing a horrific accident, Sara makes some hard decisions about her life. Obviously, a Sara-centered story, but with lots of friendship and a little bit of G/S at the end.
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 64
"Hey, Gil. Headed for court?"
Grissom looked up from adjusting his tie to see Catherine entering the locker room. Judging from her wily smile, he had an idea what was coming up. While he valued her friendship deeply, he didn't want one of her well-meaning lectures on dealing with Sara.
"Good morning, Catherine. Yes, the Rajva case."
"Too bad. We're heading to breakfast," she said, her tone implying it was an important event.
"Enjoy your meal. Maybe next time I can join you."
"We have a guest," she said, again adding extra emphasis to her words.
"Oh?"
"Someone you haven't seen in ages," she tried again, hoping to get a response.
"Oh?"
"Sara's in town," she said abruptly, frustrated by his lack of curiosity.
"Really?" he said, feigning disinterest.
"Yeah. She had another deposition."
"Oh."
Catherine rolled her eyes at her friend. Even if he was still upset that she had left him, the least he could do was be sympathetic to Sara's plight.
"It's probably gotten her upset. The last one did," she said more hotly than she intended.
"I remember her reaction very well, Catherine," he said pointedly. "Probably better than anyone else."
"Yeah, I guess you do," she admitted, with an apologetic shrug. "She came in yesterday to talk to HR about her returning. Be nice to have her back, won't it?"
Grissom dropped his head and let out a sigh. Turning to his friend, he leaned against the lockers, while fiddling with his tie. After a moment, he looked up to watch her closely.
"Tell her not to rush it."
"Rush it?" Catherine asked slowly.
"Tell her she doesn't have to come back if she's not ready, Catherine," he said softly. "Make sure she understands she can have more time if she wants it. Vacation, extend her leave, whatever she wants. Tell her that she doesn't have anything to prove, either to us or herself."
"Sure," she said kindly, surprised the display of consideration. Underneath his aloofness, she knew he still cared for Sara, even if he had apparently moved on. Of course, once Sara was back in town, he might reconsider that. "Good luck with your case today."
"I don't need luck," he said firmly. "I have the evidence."
"Take care, Gil," she said, chuckling as she left.
Shaking her head, Catherine headed towards the exit, catching site of Greg and Nick ahead of her. Calling out to them to wait, she walked up to Nick and poked his chest. "Behave."
"What did I do?" he asked with a hurt expression.
"Don't make a scene at breakfast. Sara's not going to like it if you make a fuss over her. She's gotten her act together. Don't go bringing up past history. And no comments about Grissom, either."
"She should know he's cheatin' on her."
"He's not cheating," she sighed impatiently. "Sara left him."
"She needed to get away. She needed help," he muttered. "Grissom could've been more understanding."
"He got hurt, too. Besides, I already told her. Don't make waves."
"Do you think it's true he's seeing Lady Heather again?" Greg whispered as they crossed the parking lot.
"Who thinks that?" she asked coolly, giving him an icy stare.
"Everybody, Cath," the tech said. "He disappears for days on end. Comes into work bandaged up. Makes people wonder."
"Greg: No stories. Nick: No comments," she stated firmly. Unlike the others, she knew about the motel incident. None of these were things Sara needed to hear. If there was a chance of those two getting back together, she was going to run damage control. "Those two have to work things out themselves. Don't go complicating it for them."
When they arrived at the diner, she warned them again, before entering. All three exchanged happy looks as the sound of Sara's laughter carried across the room. Following the noise, they found her with Warrick already sitting at a table, nearly choking at the story he was telling.
"Hi, kiddo," Catherine said, bending over to give her a quick hug. "You're looking happy."
"I am," she said replied lightly.
"Hey, girl," Nick drawled, pulling out of her chair and into a bear hug. "Come here."
"God, Nicky, don't break my ribs. And don't even think of spinning me around this time!" Sara joked, flashing him a grin as he put her back down.
"Children! Are we going to have to make you sit at different tables?" Greg chided, drawing up a chair on the other side of Sara, leaving Catherine to shake her head as she sat next to Warrick.
"Greg, the adult of the group? Am I in the right town?" Sara asked, shaking her head, before giving him a wink.
"Glad you're coming back, Sara. It hasn't been the same without you," he said, surprising her with a longer-than-necessary kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, Greg," she said, turning to look at Catherine, who merely snickered.
"Do you need a place to stay? Until you get a new apartment? I have a guest room," Greg offered, casting a nervous glance around the table, ignoring the Nick's suppressed laughter and Warrick's eye roll.
"Thanks, Greg," she repeated, blushing as she realized he was letting her know he was still interested. "I stopped by an apartment complex yesterday. I'm set."
"Oh," he said, trying to mask his disappointment. "Well, if anything comes up, you know, just let me know."
"Sure," she said, smiling sweetly at him, causing him to drop his head bashfully. Despite his sometimes over-the-top behavior, the lab tech had his moments. How was she going to let him down gently without letting him know about Grissom?
"Are you going to be in town long? Maybe we could grab dinner one night," he ventured.
"Uh, let me get back to you on that, Greggo. I'm catching up with some other friends. Don't know how much free time I'll have."
"Okay."
"Hey, Greg, you gotta share. Lotta people missed her," Nick teased. "Now give us the dirt, Sar. When are you coming back? 'Cause, if it's not soon, your first case is going to be a missing person's case: that bozo who's been filling in for you."
"I was telling her about that case you worked with him, Cath, where he fell into the corpse."
"That jerk," Catherine muttered. "You know that case you cracked for us? Dead co-ed with the transom? Ron tried to make it sound like he figured that out when he was talking to the sheriff. Gil nailed him. Made sure Brian knew you solved it. Gil had a court data, Sara, or he would have been here."
"Yeah," the others added in a chorus, causing her to smile at the concern from her friends.
"It's okay, guys. Things are going to be fine," she stated firmly.
"How are things in California?" Catherine asked, directing the rest of the conversation to casual topics.
~~~~~
Leaving the diner, Sara drove slowly through town. She wasn't in any hurry to get back to an empty townhouse, and Grissom wasn't likely to be home for a while. Eventually, she found herself following a well-known path, rubbing the steering wheel absentmindedly with one hand. Pulling over onto the shoulder, she turned off the ignition and scanned the area.
Besides a tattered cross on the median strip, there were no obvious signs of the bus accident left. Time and the elements had faded the skid marks and burns from the pavement. The flowers and gifts had been hauled off. Closing her eyes, she could replay her motions as she responded to the event.
She'd pulled over immediately after the accident. There had been no advanced warning of it. Her call for backup had been made as fast as possible. She had gotten the children off as quickly as she could without injuring them.
But Hunter still died in her arms.
Sighing, she opened her eyes, and rubbed at the tears. There was nothing she could have done differently. His injuries had been too severe.
"It wasn't my fault," she whispered, repeating it a second time more resolutely.
Sara bunched her hands into fists and relaxed them several times before holding them out in front of her. There was no sign of shaking. Nodding her head slightly, she gunned the engine, and pulled back into traffic, her mood lifting.
~~~~~
"Hey, how'd it go?" Sara asked from the computer when he came back from court.
"Fine. The evidence was clear. Have fun at breakfast?"
"Yes. And Catherine assured me you would have been there if you didn't have to be in court."
"She's right."
"Good thing you weren't," she said with a smirk.
"Why's that?" Grissom asked, bending to pick up the kitten that was attacking his shoelace.
"Greg was hitting on me."
"Did you take him up on it?" Grissom asked, forcing himself to keep his tone light. He knew Sara wasn't serious, but he still felt a twinge of jealousy.
"Yeah. I've changed my mind about the apartment. I'm going to stay with him, instead. He has a spare bedroom that isn't filled with bugs," she teased.
"I'll get rid of the bugs if that'll get you to move in with me."
Sara looked up in surprise. He had sounded serious. Judging by his expression and body language, she realized he was.
"Whoa! I'm just joking, babe. Don't get jealous on me. I have no interest in being Greg's roommate."
"I'm serious. If the bugs bother you that much, I'll get rid of them," he offered, dropping down on the couch, stroking Tesla's fur.
"I don't like them, but you're not getting rid of them because of me."
Grissom didn't respond immediately, but continued to pet the kitten as she purred contently. A slight facial tic was the only indication he was mulling something over.
"Are you sure?" he asked eventually, flashing her a nervous look.
"Grissom, what's going on?" she asked worriedly, walking over to join him on the couch. When he again refrained from answering, Sara scooped the kitten up and placed her on the cushion. Taking Grissom's hands in her own, she repeated the question softly.
"Tell me what I need to do," he said after a minute. "What do you need from me?"
"I'm not following you," she said softly.
He licked his lips nervously, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hands. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes briefly before giving her an intense look.
"That night you left. When I saw your journal. I only read that one passage."
"I know. You told me. I understand it was an accident, if that's bothering you," she said, trying to reassure him.
"No," he said with a weak smile. "You had written you didn't think we had a future together 'unless' something. Please, tell me what that is, Sara," he said in a hoarse voice.
"There's nothing you can do," she said softly.
"If I need to do something differently, or to stop doing something altogether, let me know. I don't want to lose you," he urged. "Tell me what you need."
"Grissom, relax. Please. That wasn't about you," she said, holding his hands tighter. "You don't have to do anything more than what you already are."
"What was it about? It's enough to make you question whether you can stay with me. I need to know," he insisted, giving her an ardent look.
"It was about me, Grissom. You don't have to worry," she said, letting go of his hands and walking to the kitchen.
"Sara, please. I know you didn't trust me. You told me that yourself. What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. This isn't about you," she sighed, getting a bottle of water out of the fridge. Behind the cover of the door, she took a deep breath to calm herself. Turning back to the living room, she found him on the opposite side of the counter, watching her fervently.
Sara took a long drink from the bottle, her emotions battling internally. She didn't want to talk about this, but she had offered to let him read the journal. And it was clear it was bothering him deeply. Grissom had been embarrassed reading her journal by accident; for him to bring it up was telling.
"Okay. At first, when you started showing an interest, I didn't trust you. You'd left me hanging one too many times. I thought you were being nice because you were worried you were going to lose a CSI. I figured you were going to bail on me eventually," she said apologetically.
"I wasn't, but I don't blame you for feeling that way."
"Yeah, well I was wrong. You've been amazing. Everything you've put up with, everything you've done, offered to do – that showed you were serious."
"I am."
"You have no idea how much all of that means to me. How much it helped me," she said softly, her voice threatening to crack.
"Then what's the problem?" Grissom asked, walking around the counter to stand next to her.
"I am. I, well …," she stopped, trying to find a way to express herself. "It's like I don't know who I am sometimes. I'll react in a way that totally blows me away. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I'm still nervous that I'm going to explode over something stupid."
"Sara, I understand that. Let me know when things are bothering you, and I'll give you all the space you need."
"It's more than that, Grissom," she said. "I don't want to hurt you again. And I can't promise that I won't," she whispered. "It wouldn't be intentional, I swear."
"Can I do anything?" he asked, resting his hands on her shoulders.
"Trust me. I want to move in with you, but I want to go slow. It's not you, I want to make sure I'm going to be able to handle it," she said slowly. "If … if anything does go wrong, don't blame yourself. It'll be my fault."
"Don't," he said firmly. "Don't blame yourself for anything that has happened or might happen. Tell me what you need from me to help you."
"Just keep doing what you've been doing," she said smiling. "Except trying to break into motel rooms. That wasn't good," she teased, trying to get him to relax.
"Fine," he chuckled. "If there's anything else, anything at all, Sara …"
"You'll be the first to know, babe, I promise. Come on," she said, standing up and pulling him along with him. "Let's get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."
"We do? Doing what?"
"Anything you want," she promised.
TBC
Rating: R for subject matter
A/N: No real spoilers. Thanks to Burked and all the others who previewed this for me.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything related to CSI. If I did, I'd be on a tropical beach right now.
Chapter 64
"Hey, Gil. Headed for court?"
Grissom looked up from adjusting his tie to see Catherine entering the locker room. Judging from her wily smile, he had an idea what was coming up. While he valued her friendship deeply, he didn't want one of her well-meaning lectures on dealing with Sara.
"Good morning, Catherine. Yes, the Rajva case."
"Too bad. We're heading to breakfast," she said, her tone implying it was an important event.
"Enjoy your meal. Maybe next time I can join you."
"We have a guest," she said, again adding extra emphasis to her words.
"Oh?"
"Someone you haven't seen in ages," she tried again, hoping to get a response.
"Oh?"
"Sara's in town," she said abruptly, frustrated by his lack of curiosity.
"Really?" he said, feigning disinterest.
"Yeah. She had another deposition."
"Oh."
Catherine rolled her eyes at her friend. Even if he was still upset that she had left him, the least he could do was be sympathetic to Sara's plight.
"It's probably gotten her upset. The last one did," she said more hotly than she intended.
"I remember her reaction very well, Catherine," he said pointedly. "Probably better than anyone else."
"Yeah, I guess you do," she admitted, with an apologetic shrug. "She came in yesterday to talk to HR about her returning. Be nice to have her back, won't it?"
Grissom dropped his head and let out a sigh. Turning to his friend, he leaned against the lockers, while fiddling with his tie. After a moment, he looked up to watch her closely.
"Tell her not to rush it."
"Rush it?" Catherine asked slowly.
"Tell her she doesn't have to come back if she's not ready, Catherine," he said softly. "Make sure she understands she can have more time if she wants it. Vacation, extend her leave, whatever she wants. Tell her that she doesn't have anything to prove, either to us or herself."
"Sure," she said kindly, surprised the display of consideration. Underneath his aloofness, she knew he still cared for Sara, even if he had apparently moved on. Of course, once Sara was back in town, he might reconsider that. "Good luck with your case today."
"I don't need luck," he said firmly. "I have the evidence."
"Take care, Gil," she said, chuckling as she left.
Shaking her head, Catherine headed towards the exit, catching site of Greg and Nick ahead of her. Calling out to them to wait, she walked up to Nick and poked his chest. "Behave."
"What did I do?" he asked with a hurt expression.
"Don't make a scene at breakfast. Sara's not going to like it if you make a fuss over her. She's gotten her act together. Don't go bringing up past history. And no comments about Grissom, either."
"She should know he's cheatin' on her."
"He's not cheating," she sighed impatiently. "Sara left him."
"She needed to get away. She needed help," he muttered. "Grissom could've been more understanding."
"He got hurt, too. Besides, I already told her. Don't make waves."
"Do you think it's true he's seeing Lady Heather again?" Greg whispered as they crossed the parking lot.
"Who thinks that?" she asked coolly, giving him an icy stare.
"Everybody, Cath," the tech said. "He disappears for days on end. Comes into work bandaged up. Makes people wonder."
"Greg: No stories. Nick: No comments," she stated firmly. Unlike the others, she knew about the motel incident. None of these were things Sara needed to hear. If there was a chance of those two getting back together, she was going to run damage control. "Those two have to work things out themselves. Don't go complicating it for them."
When they arrived at the diner, she warned them again, before entering. All three exchanged happy looks as the sound of Sara's laughter carried across the room. Following the noise, they found her with Warrick already sitting at a table, nearly choking at the story he was telling.
"Hi, kiddo," Catherine said, bending over to give her a quick hug. "You're looking happy."
"I am," she said replied lightly.
"Hey, girl," Nick drawled, pulling out of her chair and into a bear hug. "Come here."
"God, Nicky, don't break my ribs. And don't even think of spinning me around this time!" Sara joked, flashing him a grin as he put her back down.
"Children! Are we going to have to make you sit at different tables?" Greg chided, drawing up a chair on the other side of Sara, leaving Catherine to shake her head as she sat next to Warrick.
"Greg, the adult of the group? Am I in the right town?" Sara asked, shaking her head, before giving him a wink.
"Glad you're coming back, Sara. It hasn't been the same without you," he said, surprising her with a longer-than-necessary kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, Greg," she said, turning to look at Catherine, who merely snickered.
"Do you need a place to stay? Until you get a new apartment? I have a guest room," Greg offered, casting a nervous glance around the table, ignoring the Nick's suppressed laughter and Warrick's eye roll.
"Thanks, Greg," she repeated, blushing as she realized he was letting her know he was still interested. "I stopped by an apartment complex yesterday. I'm set."
"Oh," he said, trying to mask his disappointment. "Well, if anything comes up, you know, just let me know."
"Sure," she said, smiling sweetly at him, causing him to drop his head bashfully. Despite his sometimes over-the-top behavior, the lab tech had his moments. How was she going to let him down gently without letting him know about Grissom?
"Are you going to be in town long? Maybe we could grab dinner one night," he ventured.
"Uh, let me get back to you on that, Greggo. I'm catching up with some other friends. Don't know how much free time I'll have."
"Okay."
"Hey, Greg, you gotta share. Lotta people missed her," Nick teased. "Now give us the dirt, Sar. When are you coming back? 'Cause, if it's not soon, your first case is going to be a missing person's case: that bozo who's been filling in for you."
"I was telling her about that case you worked with him, Cath, where he fell into the corpse."
"That jerk," Catherine muttered. "You know that case you cracked for us? Dead co-ed with the transom? Ron tried to make it sound like he figured that out when he was talking to the sheriff. Gil nailed him. Made sure Brian knew you solved it. Gil had a court data, Sara, or he would have been here."
"Yeah," the others added in a chorus, causing her to smile at the concern from her friends.
"It's okay, guys. Things are going to be fine," she stated firmly.
"How are things in California?" Catherine asked, directing the rest of the conversation to casual topics.
~~~~~
Leaving the diner, Sara drove slowly through town. She wasn't in any hurry to get back to an empty townhouse, and Grissom wasn't likely to be home for a while. Eventually, she found herself following a well-known path, rubbing the steering wheel absentmindedly with one hand. Pulling over onto the shoulder, she turned off the ignition and scanned the area.
Besides a tattered cross on the median strip, there were no obvious signs of the bus accident left. Time and the elements had faded the skid marks and burns from the pavement. The flowers and gifts had been hauled off. Closing her eyes, she could replay her motions as she responded to the event.
She'd pulled over immediately after the accident. There had been no advanced warning of it. Her call for backup had been made as fast as possible. She had gotten the children off as quickly as she could without injuring them.
But Hunter still died in her arms.
Sighing, she opened her eyes, and rubbed at the tears. There was nothing she could have done differently. His injuries had been too severe.
"It wasn't my fault," she whispered, repeating it a second time more resolutely.
Sara bunched her hands into fists and relaxed them several times before holding them out in front of her. There was no sign of shaking. Nodding her head slightly, she gunned the engine, and pulled back into traffic, her mood lifting.
~~~~~
"Hey, how'd it go?" Sara asked from the computer when he came back from court.
"Fine. The evidence was clear. Have fun at breakfast?"
"Yes. And Catherine assured me you would have been there if you didn't have to be in court."
"She's right."
"Good thing you weren't," she said with a smirk.
"Why's that?" Grissom asked, bending to pick up the kitten that was attacking his shoelace.
"Greg was hitting on me."
"Did you take him up on it?" Grissom asked, forcing himself to keep his tone light. He knew Sara wasn't serious, but he still felt a twinge of jealousy.
"Yeah. I've changed my mind about the apartment. I'm going to stay with him, instead. He has a spare bedroom that isn't filled with bugs," she teased.
"I'll get rid of the bugs if that'll get you to move in with me."
Sara looked up in surprise. He had sounded serious. Judging by his expression and body language, she realized he was.
"Whoa! I'm just joking, babe. Don't get jealous on me. I have no interest in being Greg's roommate."
"I'm serious. If the bugs bother you that much, I'll get rid of them," he offered, dropping down on the couch, stroking Tesla's fur.
"I don't like them, but you're not getting rid of them because of me."
Grissom didn't respond immediately, but continued to pet the kitten as she purred contently. A slight facial tic was the only indication he was mulling something over.
"Are you sure?" he asked eventually, flashing her a nervous look.
"Grissom, what's going on?" she asked worriedly, walking over to join him on the couch. When he again refrained from answering, Sara scooped the kitten up and placed her on the cushion. Taking Grissom's hands in her own, she repeated the question softly.
"Tell me what I need to do," he said after a minute. "What do you need from me?"
"I'm not following you," she said softly.
He licked his lips nervously, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hands. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes briefly before giving her an intense look.
"That night you left. When I saw your journal. I only read that one passage."
"I know. You told me. I understand it was an accident, if that's bothering you," she said, trying to reassure him.
"No," he said with a weak smile. "You had written you didn't think we had a future together 'unless' something. Please, tell me what that is, Sara," he said in a hoarse voice.
"There's nothing you can do," she said softly.
"If I need to do something differently, or to stop doing something altogether, let me know. I don't want to lose you," he urged. "Tell me what you need."
"Grissom, relax. Please. That wasn't about you," she said, holding his hands tighter. "You don't have to do anything more than what you already are."
"What was it about? It's enough to make you question whether you can stay with me. I need to know," he insisted, giving her an ardent look.
"It was about me, Grissom. You don't have to worry," she said, letting go of his hands and walking to the kitchen.
"Sara, please. I know you didn't trust me. You told me that yourself. What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. This isn't about you," she sighed, getting a bottle of water out of the fridge. Behind the cover of the door, she took a deep breath to calm herself. Turning back to the living room, she found him on the opposite side of the counter, watching her fervently.
Sara took a long drink from the bottle, her emotions battling internally. She didn't want to talk about this, but she had offered to let him read the journal. And it was clear it was bothering him deeply. Grissom had been embarrassed reading her journal by accident; for him to bring it up was telling.
"Okay. At first, when you started showing an interest, I didn't trust you. You'd left me hanging one too many times. I thought you were being nice because you were worried you were going to lose a CSI. I figured you were going to bail on me eventually," she said apologetically.
"I wasn't, but I don't blame you for feeling that way."
"Yeah, well I was wrong. You've been amazing. Everything you've put up with, everything you've done, offered to do – that showed you were serious."
"I am."
"You have no idea how much all of that means to me. How much it helped me," she said softly, her voice threatening to crack.
"Then what's the problem?" Grissom asked, walking around the counter to stand next to her.
"I am. I, well …," she stopped, trying to find a way to express herself. "It's like I don't know who I am sometimes. I'll react in a way that totally blows me away. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but I'm still nervous that I'm going to explode over something stupid."
"Sara, I understand that. Let me know when things are bothering you, and I'll give you all the space you need."
"It's more than that, Grissom," she said. "I don't want to hurt you again. And I can't promise that I won't," she whispered. "It wouldn't be intentional, I swear."
"Can I do anything?" he asked, resting his hands on her shoulders.
"Trust me. I want to move in with you, but I want to go slow. It's not you, I want to make sure I'm going to be able to handle it," she said slowly. "If … if anything does go wrong, don't blame yourself. It'll be my fault."
"Don't," he said firmly. "Don't blame yourself for anything that has happened or might happen. Tell me what you need from me to help you."
"Just keep doing what you've been doing," she said smiling. "Except trying to break into motel rooms. That wasn't good," she teased, trying to get him to relax.
"Fine," he chuckled. "If there's anything else, anything at all, Sara …"
"You'll be the first to know, babe, I promise. Come on," she said, standing up and pulling him along with him. "Let's get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."
"We do? Doing what?"
"Anything you want," she promised.
TBC