Disclaimer: all i own in this story is the plot and anything you can't recognise from the HP series.
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Snake Coiled Dagger
Rated: R
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Chapter Two: Explanations and a Not-so-Friendly Encounter
31st August
Since I only started writing in here yesterday I have quite a lot of explaining to do. My dad started being a bastard because of my mum's death.
The day before school ended, I got two letters. One was from Voldemort and the other was from my father. Voldemort's letter was written in a sticky red substance I figured to be blood. It said, 'You are a mudblood and you do not deserve to have magic. Your mother is dead. This letter is written in her blood. She shouldn't be much of a loss.' Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Next, I opened the letter from my father. When I read it, I felt like I wanted to die. 'Thanks to your abnormality, your mother was killed. If you hadn't gone to that Pigthingy School of yours, she would have still been alive. You are only my daughter by name.'
Dad took my mother's death really hard. He lost his job and took up drinking full-time. When he was at home and wasn't unconscious, he would beat me, usually in places easy to cover up, such as my stomach. I kinda got used to the pain after a month of successive beatings, but when he realised this, the intensity would increase. There's only one thing I've learnt from all of this.
The pain is more intense when you are not the one initiating it. When you are hurting yourself, it doesn't feel like an injury.
I found that out the hard way. About a month before 6th year began, I started hurting myself. It started out small, just using sharp objects to scrape the skin off, until I realised it didn't hurt enough to get rid of the pain (if that makes sense.) So I snuck out one day and went to Knockturn Alley and I bought a dagger with a snake carving coiled around the hilt. It cost a hell of a lot of money (15 galleons to be precise) but I didn't care. That first cut made me feel like I was alive again. To see the blood flowing in rivers down my leg was invigorating. It was beautiful. After that first cut, I couldn't and wouldn't stop.
I even cut myself at Hogwarts, but since cutting was a regular thing; I figured I should learn First Aid (muggle and magic.) Madame Pomfrey tutored me until the end of 6th year, because I couldn't be bothered learning anymore than I needed. I'm glad I learnt it though; otherwise I'd be dead by now.
There are only two people that know that mum died (well maybe three.) There's Harry, Prof. McGonagall and Prof. Dumbledore. Only Harry knows about my cutting because he knows how I feel. He started cutting after Sirius died because he blamed himself for what happened and felt he needed to feel as much pain as Sirius felt when he went through the veil. Even though he hurt himself, he didn't necessarily want to die…
Our trio has been cut down to two since Ron is now the 'hottest guy in Gryffindor' and dates every girl that lays eyes on him. It seems that he doesn't have time for his old friends. Since Ron wasn't part of the trio, Harry and I have been spending more and more time together, strictly platonically.
The last thing, this diary is the last birthday present from my mother. I got it for my birthday two years ago. It is one of many remaining memories of my mother, but I only decided to write in here because my head feels like it's about to explode. This diary has a red velvet cover with the snake coiled dagger on the front; I'll have to find out what it means when I get back to Hogwarts.
I've got to go. Dad's back. I should go. Later.
- Mione
Hermione raced down the stairs, not wanting to increase her father's rage. It seemed that since he had physically abused her yesterday, it was time for a nice lengthy verbal abuse session.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH. IF YOU WEREN'T FRIENDS WITH THAT FREAK OF A POTTER, YOUR MOTHER WOULD'VE NEVER HAD BEEN KILLED. IF YOU DIDN'T GO TO THAT SCHOOL FOR KIDS WITH ABNORMALITIES, AND WENT TO THAT ALL GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL WE WANTED YOU TO GO TO, THAT VOLDYTHINGY GUY WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WE EXISTED. BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU PROBABLY LOVE HAVING BOYS AT YOUR SCHOOL SO YOU CAN FUCK AROUND RIGHT? YOU'RE A FUCKING WHORE AND IT'S YOUR FAULT YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD." He took a deep breath and walked towards her.
He lifted up her shirt and fingered the scab of the cut he had given her the night before. Grinning maniacally, he pulled his fist back and punched it. Hermione doubled over but denied to make a sound. Her refusal to show weakness annoyed him. He needed to show who was right and who had power, he had to set her straight. Holding her head between two hands, he brought it down on to his knee. A sickening noise resounded through the air on impact and Hermione fell limp on to the ground.
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It was 1 o'clock in the morning when she regained consciousness. A dull pain in her stomach and a burning migraine reminded her of the events of the previous night. After struggling to get up off the kitchen floor, she walked to her room and checked that her father didn't do any further damage to her stomach. Luckily, he didn't, though it was going to be sore for another couple of weeks.
Hermione didn't want to be reminded of the pain that her father inflicted. She pulled her dagger from a drawer and made a long cut in the middle of her thigh. The pain from her stomach and head were barely recognisable through the throbbing in her right thigh. Using that cut as a guideline, she wrote the four strongest emotions she was feeling at the moment. Hate, pain, anger and hurt. She let all the blood flow in together. She felt a bit dizzy and limped to the bathroom, washed the blood off her leg before making sure to clean the sink. She walked back to her bedroom and attended to the freshly made cuts. After wrapping a bandage securely around her right thigh, she collected everything she needed for school.
As soon all her books, quills, toiletries and the like were locked in her trunk and she finished checking all her homework for the 5th time, she heard the door slam, which meant that her father was going to work again. Hermione had a full 10 hours before he would get back again, but she would be on her way to Hogwarts by then.
A sticky substance running down her leg snapped her from her thoughts. A swift check made her realise that she was bleeding, a lot. She unwrapped the literally bloody bandage and rewrapped it as tight as she could to stop the bleeding. A quick glance over to her clock showed it was already 2:30 in the morning. A wave of fatigue and dizziness swept over her and she fell asleep.
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A/N: Another chapter finished!!! The next chapter should be up soon, hopefully in 2 or 3 days.
Hoggsfan: R rating is for the self harm and abuse shown in this chapter and in ones following. There will be absolutely no porno. The darkened words are just to emphasise certain things ie. Lost was made bold because she 'lost' Crookshanks. Do you get what I mean?
Thanks to all my reviewers, especially choog, who was my first reviewer for SCD.