Prepare for one of the most messed up chapters in the fic. And if anyone says that it's a blooper scene from Evangelion, I'll send Layra-chan over to talk at you for an hour.
Disclaimer: Hideaki Anno and Gainax are owned by Neon Genesis Evangelion. Wait a minute—
Fourth Impact
Chapter 37: Reflection?
"Where am I?" Misato asked, looking around at the void surrounding her. "Am I in another heaven?"
Suddenly a little girl with red hair appeared. "Who are you?" Misato asked.
"I am you." the little girl replied.
"What?" Misato's eyes widened. "How could you be me?"
"I am the Misato that exists in your mind."
Misato blinked. "Suppose I accept that. Now what?"
The little girl stepped closer, and Misato could see that yes, it was her, age 6.
"You are worthless! I hate you!" Misato blinked at her younger self's sudden outburst.
"Excuse me?" The little girl stared at her, then frowned.
"Hey, no fair!" she exclaimed suddenly. "Where are all the bad memories?"
"What do you mean, 'bad memories?' Am I supposed to have them?"
Chibi-Misa nodded vigorously. "Yes! You're supposed to have horrible, traumatic memories locked away somewhere, and I'm supposed to make you relive them." She explained, still frowning. She sat down, tears in her eyes. "I really do hate you now."
Misato walked over and sat down next to her younger self, shifting the girl into her lap. "I'm sorry." She was very confused, to say the least, but the girl was upset, and in some obscure way it was her fault.
Chibi-Misa began to cry in earnest, and Misato was forced to try and sooth her. "It's all right. Please, you did the best you could. It's not your fault."
"It's not easy being a conscience." Chibi-Misa told her. "I always have to do the right thing, the good things." She curled up as Misato wrapped her arms about her. "I wanna do the wrong thing for once. I want to be a bad girl, and get in trouble. I don't wanna be a good girl anymore." Misato stopped her from sticking her thumb in her mouth, so Chibi-Misa just rubbed at her eyes and cried. "But no. I get stuck here, with no idea of how I got here and where I was before this, or what I am or anything, and I'm told to make you miserable. I don't get any say in anything, because I'm only six years old!"
Misato wiped some tears away from the little girl's eyes and hugged her. "Tell you what. Let's pretend I'm feeling miserable. Is there something that's supposed to happen next?"
Chibi-Misa nodded. "Now you either fight your way back to redemption, or you convince yourself that you're worthless, go into a depression, and then into a coma."
Misato blinked. However appetizing the second choice seemed… "I think I'll go with the first option. What would your role be?"
"Now I'm supposed to show you your friends and family, and…" the little girl's face lit up, the tears disappearing. "I can do that! I can!" she hopped out of Misato's arms and spun to face her.
Suddenly her parents appeared. "These are the Father and Mother that exist in your mind." She went to stand with them. "And I'm the Misato that exists in the minds of Father and Mother."
Misato grinned ruefully. They still think of me like I'm six years old. Why am I not surprised?
"This is the Takoru-kun that exists in your mind." Takoru appeared, holding the Sword in one hand and a cup of instant ramen in the other. Misato smirked. Do I really think of him like that? "And this is the Misato that exists in the mind of Takoru-kun." Misato herself appeared, smiling innocently. Looks pretty much the way I do…wait, he really does think of me as a sister. How sweet.
"This is the Lilli-kun that exists in your mind." Lilliko appeared, hanging off of Takoru's arm. A dirty smirk was writ large across her face. "And this is the Misato that exists in the mind of Lilli-kun." A slightly younger version of herself appeared, in the same kimono that she wore to the carnival. A slightly apprehensive feeling accompanied the image.
"This is the Adamu-kun that exists in your mind." Adamu appeared…the way she saw him the morning after Yumana's death's anniversary. The image of Lilliko burst out laughing, and Chibi-Misa giggled. The various older Misato's blushed, and the shirtless image was soon replaced by the one of him fighting Esserach.
"And this is…" a figure flickered in and out of view. "Oh. I can't show this one." Lilliko's laughter became even louder, and Takoru joined in. The Misatos of Takoru's and Lilliko's minds turned a deeper shade of red. Her father became red with anger, and her mother stifled a chuckle, while Chibi-Misa giggled.
"What?" Misato asked. "Why can't you show what Adamu-kun thinks of me?"
"Because…" Chibi-Misa walked up to Misato and whispered in her ear. "He's in love with you."
"Why is that a problem?" Misato asked. Chibi-Misa giggled even more.
"I mean, he's in love with you…physically."
Misato blinked. "Well of course." She said haughtily. "I am beautiful." She caught a glimpse of her mother flashing the victory sign and smirked.
"I mean…" Chibi-Misa whispered in her ear again. This time Misato turned bright red.
"PERVERT!"
Adamu suddenly sneezed, almost falling out of his seat next to the hospital bed in which Misato lay. His sister looked over, worried, but he merely blinked and settled back down.
"Wait!" Chibi-Misa cried as Misato stormed over to show Adamu why not to think of her like that. "He's just a boy! He can't help it!"
"Then I'll help him." Misato raised back her fist, ready to give Adamu a good old-fashioned Soryu beating.
"Wait!" Chibi-Misa caught hold of Misato's leg. "Wait a moment!" Misato stepped back and Chibi-Misa stepped in between her and Adamu.
"You're not supposed to hurt him." Chibi-Misa told her. "You're supposed to remember all the good times you've had with him, and try to figure out why he acts the way he does."
Misato went back to her position in the middle of all the figures and stared at Adamu. "I know why he acts that way. He lost his sister when he was six, and he's traumatized." Chibi-Misa nodded, looking a bit upset. "You know, he would have been a much better person to do this on." Chibi-Misa nodded again, sighing.
"He would, but his conscience is just as quiet and messed up as he is. He went through this after his fight with Unit 14, but came out pretty much unchanged." Chibi-Misa pouted.
Misato's brow wrinkled. "How do you know all of this?"
"You read it when you opened up his mind." Chibi-Misa answered. "It just got stuck in your subconscious."
"Oh." She frowned. "Can I at least see how he thinks of me?"
Chibi-Misa looked doubtful, but gave in. "Fine."
She suddenly found herself beneath the cherry tree, kissing Adamu as they tried to fool Takoru and Lilliko into thinking that they were a couple. The image vanished, but the feeling of lips upon hers remained faintly.
She was back in the group, staring as a figure shimmered into existence next to her view of Adamu.
Misato stared. "How sweet…" she stood up and walked over to the girl holding onto Adamu, her head on his shoulder, his arm about her waist. "I thought you said…oh." She blinked, and frowned, and turned red, and snarled.
"Wait! Don't kill him." Chibi-Misa warned. "I know what you really want out of life, and if you hurt him then you'll be sorry."
"But he's sticking his hand into my—" Misato couldn't get herself to say it. "And why are my clothes translucent?"
Chibi-Misa looked away, unable to contain her giggles. "I told you wouldn't want to see it." She grabbed Misato's leg again. "Besides, he was your boyfriend for a while. He's allowed to have fantasies."
Misato fumed, ignoring her conscience. "Hey! Stop kissing him!" she shouted at herself. "And get away from that pervert!"
She batted away some cherry blossoms. "Stupid flowers! Hey! You! Get your hand out of my panties!"
Chibi-Misa only giggled, while Lilliko and Takoru laughed and pointed. Misato spun to face them. "And you two. I thought you were my friends! Stop laughing at me!"
"But Misato, don't you think it's romantic?" Lilliko asked. "Ignoring the fact that yes, we can all see through your clothes, and yes, he does have his hand in your pants, but look, he's kissing you, and you're kissing him back, and you're both so completely focused on each other. And there are cherry blossoms and everything feels like spring…"
"I don't care…" Misato took a moment to examine the scene, and, yes, ignoring that anyone could see through her clothes, and that his hand was on her rear, it was romantic. She sighed, returning to the center of the group and sitting down.
"I guess you're right."
Lilliko, Takoru and Chibi-Misa all nodded. "The reason we're laughing though, well one of them anyway," Lilliko explained, "is that you have been so completely and totally oblivious to his feelings for you." Misato nodded slowly. "You knew, deep inside that he loved you, but you could never realize it."
"If this is supposed to make me feel better, it's not working. He still has his hand in my pants."
Lilliko sighed and turned to Chibi-Misa. "I think we should send her back. There's nothing more we can do." Chibi-Misa nodded, walking back up to Misato.
"It was nice to get to talk to you in person." Chibi-Misa said, kissing Misato on the cheek.
"Yes, it was nice seeing you too." Misato replied. Then everything went black.
"She's waking up!" Misato's first feeling was a warmth next to her…someone was holding her hand. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into Adamu's bright red orbs.
"Let go of me you pervert!"
AN: Guess who wrote the scene with Misato and Adamu kissing? Hint: not me.
Anyway, that was my version of an Evangelion-style soul searching. My, that was messed-up.
Layra-chan: I thought it was cute, with the cherry blossoms and all.
DreyonLegacy: Yes, but the clothing? Was that really necessary?
Layra-chan: Of course. That was the entire reason that Misato wasn't supposed to find out. If she did, everything would be nice and happy. Either that or she would realize that she didn't love Adamu, and he would be heartbroken, and the fic would be angsty and sad, and then we'd have to do a bunch of stuff to wring it around into a touching, bittersweet ending.
DreyonLegacy: Oh.
Layra-chan: Yep. And that's why she wasn't supposed to find out until now, because we still have several more chapters to write, and I don't really like bittersweet unless we're talking about chocolate.