Disclaimer: own nothing I tell you! None of these characters that I made do
'special' things, none of it, so leave me alllooooooonee!!!!!!!!
Chapter 1: The Mysterious Message
Hermione made her way through the great hall towards the Griffyndor table to have breakfast with Harry and Ron, who had migrated to the Great Hall earlier that morning. The two boys were deep in conversation when Hermione arrived, unnoticed. Ron was going on about something or another that had happened earlier that morning.
". . .and then, when I turned around to flush, I caught a glimpse of something shiny."
"Was it what I think it was?" Harry inquired eagerly.
"Nah mate, I'm sorry, I still haven't found your glasses in my crap." Harry lost his enthusiasm in the matter when Ron said that, and instead became very angry. "You're such an idiot Ron! I told you that they'd get stuck!"
Ron laughed to himself, knowing very well that Harry's glasses had safely exited his digestive system in a very painful bowl movement that nearly ripped the lining of his butt.
The original plan had been to give the glasses back to Harry once they were back, but Ron found it hilarious when Harry ran into walls, people, and other various objects. That and the fact that he went through so much pain just for Harry's glasses was reason enough to keep them for a little bit longer.
"Yes, but do you want to know what I found or not?" Ron asked Harry.
" I suppose." Harry replied while trying to calm down a bit.
"OK then!" Ron said happily, and continued telling his story. "Well, since I am attracted to shiny things, I decided to find out what it was. . .So, I scooped out the turd that is was slightly buried in, I put it on the floor, and dug in! I don't know how it got in there, but inside the piece of crap, was my dad's glass eye that he lost last year. . .Do ya wanna see it?!" Ron asked, obviously wanting to show someone his glorious turd treasure.
"Ron! That's sick!" Hermione shrieked, shuddering at the thought of Ron searching through a piece of crap and finding an eye, the boys finally realizing she was there.
"Oh, hi Hermione." Harry said smiling and acting as if they hadn't been talking about Ron's crap. "Sit down, breakfast should be here soon." Hermione took a seat across from them, constantly glaring at Ron in disgust.
Food appeared on the tables and the three friends began pigging out on breakfast items. Then, in a flash, hundreds of owls filled the Great Hall, delivering mail to the students. Three owls came towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione. One of them was carrying the Daily Prophet, and the other had a light blue envelope clenched in its beak.
Hermione took out her shotgun and killed the owl that had delivered the Daily Prophet and muttered, "Little bastards will never get my money!" She took the newspaper and tossed the dead owl onto a pile of rotting owls that had also wanted money from her. The second owl began inching away, apparently scared for its life. Hermione took notice to this and grabbed the owl by its feathery little neck just as it was about to fly away. "Good Birdies who don't ask for money from me don't get shot. There is no reason to fear me." Hermione reassured the trembling owl as she took the letter and released her grasp from around its neck.
Just as it was getting ready to take off in flight, Ron stole the shotgun from Hermione and fired at it, killing the innocent bird instantly. "Oops!" Hermione exclaimed "Did I forget to mention that you should fear Ron though? He just has something against owls." Hermione added cackling madly as she threw the bloody bird on the top of the pile. "Ten points for that one Ron!" Hermione said as she reached across the table to give Ron a high five.
The third owl, which was still hovering in the air, had witnessed everything. So, instead of swooping down to deliver the magazine that it had to Harry personally, the owl simply dropped it down, without even collecting the fee, and flew off at a very high speed.
"Oh don't you worry my little feathery friend, we'll get you next time! No bird will ever fly away from us and live a full life. . .NEVER!" Hermione shouted to the bird in a sort of possessed sounding voice that was heard throughout the Great Hall. People began looking at her like she was some sort of mental person, so she just smiled and waved, pretending like nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.
"Hey Ron! Guess what!" Harry said excitedly when he realized what the magazine was. "I got this month's issue of Playgirl!" Harry squealed in a very gay sounding voice. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
(A/N: No, I did not mean Playboy, this was not an error. It appears that the-boy-who-lived happens to like other boys. Oh wowsers!)
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
"Oh joy!" Ron exclaimed, obviously anxious to have a look at it. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
(A/N: sorry, this will be my last a/n that interrupts the story. So, I figured, Harry's gay. . .why shouldn't Ron be gay too? However, in no way are they lovers. . .that would only be awkward. They just go boy scouting together, talk about their most recent crushes , and other stuff that is really irrelevant to my story.) ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
Harry turned the pages quickly, on a mission to get to the center- fold to have a look at Mr. September.
"Oh wow!" He squealed as he unfolded the picture. "Ron. . .Hermione!" He had a hint of terror in his voice. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Mr. September's long silvery beard and half moon glasses look familiar?" Harry said, hoping that the similarities were just a coincidence.
"Ewww!" Hermione shrieked. "I really never wanted to see my head master's 'package!'" Hermione exclaimed in disgust as she turned away and covered her eyes. Doing that was pointless, for she already had the image etched into her mind, with every tiny detail showing clearly.
Harry threw the issue of Playgirl onto the pile of owls. Ron ran over to retrieve it, saying that he hadn't got to read the jokes yet, but it was obvious to Harry that Ron, in some sick, perverse way, was attracted to Dumbledore. Harry didn't say anything about it though, he just let Ron think what he wanted.
Once she knew it was absolutely safe, Hermione finally opened her eyes and saw the blue envelope that, in all the excitement, she had forgotten about. She picked it up and examined it. There was nothing anywhere to indicate what it may be. So, out of curiosity, she opened it. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. She unfolded it and read it to herself.
"How bizarre!" she gasped.
There ya go! Chapter 1, wasn't it beautiful. . . I don't care if you don't think it was, I do. Please review!
Chapter 1: The Mysterious Message
Hermione made her way through the great hall towards the Griffyndor table to have breakfast with Harry and Ron, who had migrated to the Great Hall earlier that morning. The two boys were deep in conversation when Hermione arrived, unnoticed. Ron was going on about something or another that had happened earlier that morning.
". . .and then, when I turned around to flush, I caught a glimpse of something shiny."
"Was it what I think it was?" Harry inquired eagerly.
"Nah mate, I'm sorry, I still haven't found your glasses in my crap." Harry lost his enthusiasm in the matter when Ron said that, and instead became very angry. "You're such an idiot Ron! I told you that they'd get stuck!"
Ron laughed to himself, knowing very well that Harry's glasses had safely exited his digestive system in a very painful bowl movement that nearly ripped the lining of his butt.
The original plan had been to give the glasses back to Harry once they were back, but Ron found it hilarious when Harry ran into walls, people, and other various objects. That and the fact that he went through so much pain just for Harry's glasses was reason enough to keep them for a little bit longer.
"Yes, but do you want to know what I found or not?" Ron asked Harry.
" I suppose." Harry replied while trying to calm down a bit.
"OK then!" Ron said happily, and continued telling his story. "Well, since I am attracted to shiny things, I decided to find out what it was. . .So, I scooped out the turd that is was slightly buried in, I put it on the floor, and dug in! I don't know how it got in there, but inside the piece of crap, was my dad's glass eye that he lost last year. . .Do ya wanna see it?!" Ron asked, obviously wanting to show someone his glorious turd treasure.
"Ron! That's sick!" Hermione shrieked, shuddering at the thought of Ron searching through a piece of crap and finding an eye, the boys finally realizing she was there.
"Oh, hi Hermione." Harry said smiling and acting as if they hadn't been talking about Ron's crap. "Sit down, breakfast should be here soon." Hermione took a seat across from them, constantly glaring at Ron in disgust.
Food appeared on the tables and the three friends began pigging out on breakfast items. Then, in a flash, hundreds of owls filled the Great Hall, delivering mail to the students. Three owls came towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione. One of them was carrying the Daily Prophet, and the other had a light blue envelope clenched in its beak.
Hermione took out her shotgun and killed the owl that had delivered the Daily Prophet and muttered, "Little bastards will never get my money!" She took the newspaper and tossed the dead owl onto a pile of rotting owls that had also wanted money from her. The second owl began inching away, apparently scared for its life. Hermione took notice to this and grabbed the owl by its feathery little neck just as it was about to fly away. "Good Birdies who don't ask for money from me don't get shot. There is no reason to fear me." Hermione reassured the trembling owl as she took the letter and released her grasp from around its neck.
Just as it was getting ready to take off in flight, Ron stole the shotgun from Hermione and fired at it, killing the innocent bird instantly. "Oops!" Hermione exclaimed "Did I forget to mention that you should fear Ron though? He just has something against owls." Hermione added cackling madly as she threw the bloody bird on the top of the pile. "Ten points for that one Ron!" Hermione said as she reached across the table to give Ron a high five.
The third owl, which was still hovering in the air, had witnessed everything. So, instead of swooping down to deliver the magazine that it had to Harry personally, the owl simply dropped it down, without even collecting the fee, and flew off at a very high speed.
"Oh don't you worry my little feathery friend, we'll get you next time! No bird will ever fly away from us and live a full life. . .NEVER!" Hermione shouted to the bird in a sort of possessed sounding voice that was heard throughout the Great Hall. People began looking at her like she was some sort of mental person, so she just smiled and waved, pretending like nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.
"Hey Ron! Guess what!" Harry said excitedly when he realized what the magazine was. "I got this month's issue of Playgirl!" Harry squealed in a very gay sounding voice. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
(A/N: No, I did not mean Playboy, this was not an error. It appears that the-boy-who-lived happens to like other boys. Oh wowsers!)
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
"Oh joy!" Ron exclaimed, obviously anxious to have a look at it. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
(A/N: sorry, this will be my last a/n that interrupts the story. So, I figured, Harry's gay. . .why shouldn't Ron be gay too? However, in no way are they lovers. . .that would only be awkward. They just go boy scouting together, talk about their most recent crushes , and other stuff that is really irrelevant to my story.) ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ ~_~_~
Harry turned the pages quickly, on a mission to get to the center- fold to have a look at Mr. September.
"Oh wow!" He squealed as he unfolded the picture. "Ron. . .Hermione!" He had a hint of terror in his voice. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Mr. September's long silvery beard and half moon glasses look familiar?" Harry said, hoping that the similarities were just a coincidence.
"Ewww!" Hermione shrieked. "I really never wanted to see my head master's 'package!'" Hermione exclaimed in disgust as she turned away and covered her eyes. Doing that was pointless, for she already had the image etched into her mind, with every tiny detail showing clearly.
Harry threw the issue of Playgirl onto the pile of owls. Ron ran over to retrieve it, saying that he hadn't got to read the jokes yet, but it was obvious to Harry that Ron, in some sick, perverse way, was attracted to Dumbledore. Harry didn't say anything about it though, he just let Ron think what he wanted.
Once she knew it was absolutely safe, Hermione finally opened her eyes and saw the blue envelope that, in all the excitement, she had forgotten about. She picked it up and examined it. There was nothing anywhere to indicate what it may be. So, out of curiosity, she opened it. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. She unfolded it and read it to herself.
"How bizarre!" she gasped.
There ya go! Chapter 1, wasn't it beautiful. . . I don't care if you don't think it was, I do. Please review!