Chapter 3: A Half-witted Ron
Hello! It is I, Mr. Poopy Doopy, here to corrupt your mind through my writing. I am so happy, YAY! You see, I even went yay. I got two reviews from people who don't know me personally! That makes me happy, which is why I am now posting chapter three! Bwahahahahahaha, feel my evil, psychotic wrath taint your very mind as you read this mindless dribble, of which I call a 'magical' story-type-thingy. Well, this chapter was good, until like the last part, because I didn't know what to write so I wrote the first thing that came to my idiotic mind. Ok, now, on to the story!! *People cheer knowing that I am going to FINALLY shut up.
"Okay my little puppets. I am sending you on two separate missions. If you fail to complete them, I shall be forced to take you to my new 'My Do-It-Yourself Gallows Kit , which I just recently finished construction of, and I am now searching for test subjects." Hermione cackles evilly after she explained the consequences.
"Harry, Ron, huddle!" She yelled as she pulled both of the boys towards her, and pushed their heads down. "Harry, your mission, if you choose to accept, and you better because if you don't, I will be forced to savagely beat you with an assortment of frozen meat and/or fish, is to scour the library, looking for all the books that have anything to do with Egyptian writing, culture, etc. Now, Harry, do you accept this mission?" Hermione looked like she was ready to make a mad dash to the freezers, he agreed, reluctantly, to do this task.
"That's a good boy, Harry, perhaps you will get a WHOLE dog treat now!" Hermione encouraged him. "Now, Ron, your mission, if you choose to accept it, and you better because if you don't, I will nibble on your toes playfully, is to conjure up a hammock and fetch me some fresh lemonade with exactly four ice cubes and one of those cute little umbrellas."
"Hey! He got the easy task!" Shouted and outraged Harry.
"Yes, I realize that. In fact, I did it on purpose. I trust you more, Harry. I feel that you have quite a bit more competence than Ron over there does." She made a pointing gesture over towards Ron, who was sucking on his thumb and humping a library chair as he whistled a happy tune.
"Do you really mean that?!" Harry asked, with tears streaming down him cheeks, because what Hermione had said really touched him and made him feel really good about himself.
"No, of course not! The truth is, I like Ron better than you, so I show who my favorite is. Plus, I don't really want to nibble on your toes, I've seen the fungus and corns on your feet, and that' just nasty!" Hermione shuddered as she thought of Harry's infected feet. "So off you go, my little idiot, and you better be quick, or I may enforce a strict punishment!" Hermione laughed to herself at the pathetic boys who had nothing better to do than listening to her, as Harry and Ron scurried off, determined on finishing their missions as quickly as possible.
Ron had already conjured up the hammock and was now off to fetch the lemonade. So, while Hermione waited impatiently for her drink, she decided to do something productive. She reached into her book bag and pulled out her picture of Snape dancing on a table in a sparkly, purple thong. As Snape moved around doing his little dance moves, his undersized underwear showed little bits and pieces of him that no normal person would want to see. Hermione giggled fondly as she tickled the private parts of Snape in the picture. Just as she was doing that, Ron came running towards her, clumsily spilling lemonade everywhere. Ron finally arrived at Hermione's side, with about ½ of her lemonade missing, and shoved the drink towards her in haste, spilling some of the liquid on her picture of Snape.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Ron exclaimed as he grabbed the picture to wipe it off.
"No! It's ok Ron, really. Just give me back my senseless photograph of the mounds of books that I own." Hermione attempted to snatch the picture from Ron before he could see it.
"No, it's ok Hermione, I spilled on it, I can wipe it off on my own." Ron flipped the picture right side up and was about to wipe it off with his shirt, when he realized what it was. "Whoa, this is weird." Ron said as he watched Snape dance.
"Oh my gosh!" Hermione exclaimed. "Ron, I'm so sorry you had to see that. You must think that I'm the biggest pervert in the world."
"Actually, what I meant was that it was weird that you like Snape too. I thought I was the only one who thought he was hot! I could never talk to Harry about it though, because I knew he would get mad because, well, you know. . . the whole 'they hate each other' thing. Now we can talk about it together!" Ron cried happily as he jumped up and down, while clapping his hands and smiling like an overly happy person.
"Like, oh my gosh! That would be like, so supercoolioushular! (A/N: sorry people, the valley girl inside took over, please forgive me sooner or later () Hermione said excitedly as they hugged each other, while up and down psychotically. Harry, who ever-so-conveniently happened to be in the row of shelves closest to them, heard the ruckus and looked over to find them hugging. "Ron! Hermione!" Her dropped the pile of books he was carrying, surprised by the spectacle of his two friends of different genders, one of which was gay, hugging each other. "What's going on you two?! Ron, were you lying when you told me that you were gay?!" Harry asked.
"No, it's not what it looks like, Harry. Hermione just told me that she was pregnant, so I hugged her, in a friendly way, that's all." Hermione looked surprised when Ron blurted out the first excuse he could think of for their embracing, without giving away the fact that they both had the hots for Snape.
"Hermione! Is her telling me the truth?! Wow! Who's the father?" Harry just kept on asking questions that went unanswered as Hermione just stood there, too shocked to move. "When did you find out?" Harry asked.
"Well, remember that other day when she started feeling real sick? Later that day, Pomfrey told her the news." Ron said, seeming to have all the answers to Harry's questions.
"But, I thought that Madam Pomfrey told her that it was just constipation . . . I mean, she even came back with the laxative." Harry said remembering that day clearly.
"It was just a cover up story so no one would know" Ron replied, matter-of-factly.
"Oh!" Said Harry, seeming to understand whet he was talking about.
Hermione finally spoke and said, trying to change the subject "So, Harry, are you done with your task yet?"
"Yes, I had just finished, when I saw you two hugging from the distance."
"Ok then! Let's go back to the common room and try to sort out this message mess of mine."
Hermione told Harry to go ahead, and get started while she had a little chat with Ron. " How could you say that?! That was probably one of the dumbest things you've said in you life!"
"Hey! It's not my fault you got pregnant!" Ron yelled back in defense.
Ron, you idiot! I'm not pregnant, you only lied and said I WAS!" Hermione shouted, angry at Ron's stupidity.
"Well, what are you going to do about your problem then?" Ron asked.
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!" Hermione screamed outraged by Ron's short memory. "It's more like, what are YOU going to do about it! Oh, and no doggy treat for you. . .EVER!" Hermione ran off like someone who lost control of their legs.
Ron was confused, so he sat down on the floor and tried to get thing strait in his mind. As he was doing this, he saw a neon green envelope lying on the floor. He picked it up, and on the outside, there was one, solitary word written on the front. . ."Hermione."
A/N: Well, there ya go! Chapter three, fresh off the barby. The ending was a little lame, but I couldn't think of anything else to write, so you must put up with it bwahahahahaha!!
Thanks to my reviewers:
S.D. Chesko: Yes, yes, I used your magical word, just in a different way, as you already said. I will always nibble on your toes *wink wink* *growls seductively* I figured you would like the letter to playgirl, knowing that it is you favorite magazine, I know about your stash in the drawer closest to the cabinet type thingy, not that I've ever looked through them or anything, or, as you might say "read the jokes".
Emma and keli: I am slightly frightened that you have the same sense of humor as I do *shudders at the thought* I am scared of myself sometimes. By the way, your story was amusing too. Very amusing.
Renny: *while nibbling on a pot brownie* Yep, you were right about these, mmmm, they are tasty. It wasn't Hustler because (I'm not sure about this) they are girls, and then Dumbledore wouldn't be in it and it would just make me sad. I was sooooo happy when I saw that you updated your story, it is awesome!
Ok people, please, please, please review, it will make me happy!
Hello! It is I, Mr. Poopy Doopy, here to corrupt your mind through my writing. I am so happy, YAY! You see, I even went yay. I got two reviews from people who don't know me personally! That makes me happy, which is why I am now posting chapter three! Bwahahahahahaha, feel my evil, psychotic wrath taint your very mind as you read this mindless dribble, of which I call a 'magical' story-type-thingy. Well, this chapter was good, until like the last part, because I didn't know what to write so I wrote the first thing that came to my idiotic mind. Ok, now, on to the story!! *People cheer knowing that I am going to FINALLY shut up.
"Okay my little puppets. I am sending you on two separate missions. If you fail to complete them, I shall be forced to take you to my new 'My Do-It-Yourself Gallows Kit , which I just recently finished construction of, and I am now searching for test subjects." Hermione cackles evilly after she explained the consequences.
"Harry, Ron, huddle!" She yelled as she pulled both of the boys towards her, and pushed their heads down. "Harry, your mission, if you choose to accept, and you better because if you don't, I will be forced to savagely beat you with an assortment of frozen meat and/or fish, is to scour the library, looking for all the books that have anything to do with Egyptian writing, culture, etc. Now, Harry, do you accept this mission?" Hermione looked like she was ready to make a mad dash to the freezers, he agreed, reluctantly, to do this task.
"That's a good boy, Harry, perhaps you will get a WHOLE dog treat now!" Hermione encouraged him. "Now, Ron, your mission, if you choose to accept it, and you better because if you don't, I will nibble on your toes playfully, is to conjure up a hammock and fetch me some fresh lemonade with exactly four ice cubes and one of those cute little umbrellas."
"Hey! He got the easy task!" Shouted and outraged Harry.
"Yes, I realize that. In fact, I did it on purpose. I trust you more, Harry. I feel that you have quite a bit more competence than Ron over there does." She made a pointing gesture over towards Ron, who was sucking on his thumb and humping a library chair as he whistled a happy tune.
"Do you really mean that?!" Harry asked, with tears streaming down him cheeks, because what Hermione had said really touched him and made him feel really good about himself.
"No, of course not! The truth is, I like Ron better than you, so I show who my favorite is. Plus, I don't really want to nibble on your toes, I've seen the fungus and corns on your feet, and that' just nasty!" Hermione shuddered as she thought of Harry's infected feet. "So off you go, my little idiot, and you better be quick, or I may enforce a strict punishment!" Hermione laughed to herself at the pathetic boys who had nothing better to do than listening to her, as Harry and Ron scurried off, determined on finishing their missions as quickly as possible.
Ron had already conjured up the hammock and was now off to fetch the lemonade. So, while Hermione waited impatiently for her drink, she decided to do something productive. She reached into her book bag and pulled out her picture of Snape dancing on a table in a sparkly, purple thong. As Snape moved around doing his little dance moves, his undersized underwear showed little bits and pieces of him that no normal person would want to see. Hermione giggled fondly as she tickled the private parts of Snape in the picture. Just as she was doing that, Ron came running towards her, clumsily spilling lemonade everywhere. Ron finally arrived at Hermione's side, with about ½ of her lemonade missing, and shoved the drink towards her in haste, spilling some of the liquid on her picture of Snape.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Ron exclaimed as he grabbed the picture to wipe it off.
"No! It's ok Ron, really. Just give me back my senseless photograph of the mounds of books that I own." Hermione attempted to snatch the picture from Ron before he could see it.
"No, it's ok Hermione, I spilled on it, I can wipe it off on my own." Ron flipped the picture right side up and was about to wipe it off with his shirt, when he realized what it was. "Whoa, this is weird." Ron said as he watched Snape dance.
"Oh my gosh!" Hermione exclaimed. "Ron, I'm so sorry you had to see that. You must think that I'm the biggest pervert in the world."
"Actually, what I meant was that it was weird that you like Snape too. I thought I was the only one who thought he was hot! I could never talk to Harry about it though, because I knew he would get mad because, well, you know. . . the whole 'they hate each other' thing. Now we can talk about it together!" Ron cried happily as he jumped up and down, while clapping his hands and smiling like an overly happy person.
"Like, oh my gosh! That would be like, so supercoolioushular! (A/N: sorry people, the valley girl inside took over, please forgive me sooner or later () Hermione said excitedly as they hugged each other, while up and down psychotically. Harry, who ever-so-conveniently happened to be in the row of shelves closest to them, heard the ruckus and looked over to find them hugging. "Ron! Hermione!" Her dropped the pile of books he was carrying, surprised by the spectacle of his two friends of different genders, one of which was gay, hugging each other. "What's going on you two?! Ron, were you lying when you told me that you were gay?!" Harry asked.
"No, it's not what it looks like, Harry. Hermione just told me that she was pregnant, so I hugged her, in a friendly way, that's all." Hermione looked surprised when Ron blurted out the first excuse he could think of for their embracing, without giving away the fact that they both had the hots for Snape.
"Hermione! Is her telling me the truth?! Wow! Who's the father?" Harry just kept on asking questions that went unanswered as Hermione just stood there, too shocked to move. "When did you find out?" Harry asked.
"Well, remember that other day when she started feeling real sick? Later that day, Pomfrey told her the news." Ron said, seeming to have all the answers to Harry's questions.
"But, I thought that Madam Pomfrey told her that it was just constipation . . . I mean, she even came back with the laxative." Harry said remembering that day clearly.
"It was just a cover up story so no one would know" Ron replied, matter-of-factly.
"Oh!" Said Harry, seeming to understand whet he was talking about.
Hermione finally spoke and said, trying to change the subject "So, Harry, are you done with your task yet?"
"Yes, I had just finished, when I saw you two hugging from the distance."
"Ok then! Let's go back to the common room and try to sort out this message mess of mine."
Hermione told Harry to go ahead, and get started while she had a little chat with Ron. " How could you say that?! That was probably one of the dumbest things you've said in you life!"
"Hey! It's not my fault you got pregnant!" Ron yelled back in defense.
Ron, you idiot! I'm not pregnant, you only lied and said I WAS!" Hermione shouted, angry at Ron's stupidity.
"Well, what are you going to do about your problem then?" Ron asked.
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!" Hermione screamed outraged by Ron's short memory. "It's more like, what are YOU going to do about it! Oh, and no doggy treat for you. . .EVER!" Hermione ran off like someone who lost control of their legs.
Ron was confused, so he sat down on the floor and tried to get thing strait in his mind. As he was doing this, he saw a neon green envelope lying on the floor. He picked it up, and on the outside, there was one, solitary word written on the front. . ."Hermione."
A/N: Well, there ya go! Chapter three, fresh off the barby. The ending was a little lame, but I couldn't think of anything else to write, so you must put up with it bwahahahahaha!!
Thanks to my reviewers:
S.D. Chesko: Yes, yes, I used your magical word, just in a different way, as you already said. I will always nibble on your toes *wink wink* *growls seductively* I figured you would like the letter to playgirl, knowing that it is you favorite magazine, I know about your stash in the drawer closest to the cabinet type thingy, not that I've ever looked through them or anything, or, as you might say "read the jokes".
Emma and keli: I am slightly frightened that you have the same sense of humor as I do *shudders at the thought* I am scared of myself sometimes. By the way, your story was amusing too. Very amusing.
Renny: *while nibbling on a pot brownie* Yep, you were right about these, mmmm, they are tasty. It wasn't Hustler because (I'm not sure about this) they are girls, and then Dumbledore wouldn't be in it and it would just make me sad. I was sooooo happy when I saw that you updated your story, it is awesome!
Ok people, please, please, please review, it will make me happy!