Disclaimer: We don't own HP. Please don't sue us! JKR is the copyright holder.

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This story is based on a "Dear Abby"- type column, written by Ron Weasley for the Hogsmeade Herald, a newspaper that is also available at Hogwarts. Yes, this is a Ron/Hermione fic. For any readers familiar with the Speaker's Corner on CITY-TV, Ron's responses take the form of those common to the Devil's Advocates.

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WWW.WOW

Wacky Wise Wizard's: Woes of the Week: Issue #5

Yes, I changed the name. Too many unhappy stories here. I'll change it back if we get some real good questions about snoggin and stuff. Wow, more mail, let's see what our readers' woes of the week are:

"Dear WOW: I like this guy (guy #1), but a good friend of mine likes him too. She is going out with someone else right now, but she told me a long time ago that she really, really, really likes guy #1. Now I'm not sure what to do. I feel that if I were to tell guy #1 that I like him, my friend may feel betrayed, though she is going out with someone else. Would it be selfish to say something? Or do I have a right to? Signed, Deeply Confused" {from Remus is Mine}

Dear Woeful, Wanton, and Waitin': Well, if she really liked guy #1 why didn't she ask him instead of going with the other guy? She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. As for you, well, go for him. He must be a redhead, only redheads have women fight for u.. them so much. Usually the culprits have brown hair too.

"Dear W: I really like this girl that has a boyfriend that's a lot better than I am and she also has 5 protective older brother. How do I get her to like me instead of the other guy and steer clear of her brothers all at once? Signed, Almost Squib" {from Ginny LongBottom}

Dear Shark Bait: Don't worry chum. Girls with big brothers are the luckiest girls in the world. I know one in particular who is very safe knowing she has so many older and VERY reasonable brothers to look out after her. As for your problem, well look for another girl. Generally for your type of situation I would think a girl who is somewhat dreamy in her conduct, what some might call spaced out, she'll be less likely to notice any of your shortfalls in attention and be very supportive. Just don't get trapped into going on expeditions for imaginary animals.

"Dear w: OK I know these two people. They are best friends along with somebody else. It is SO obvious they are in love but all they seem to do is fight! Weather the topic is homework or their friend or food! They seem to fight about it all. You names it, they've fought about it. How do I and H- er I mean my friend, get them to freakin go out!? Signed, Anna" {from Anna Malfoy}

Dear Ann Orexia: Jeeze, the same question. I get at least one a week. Either Hogwarts is full of couples that are too blind to notice their destined loves, or we have a lot of people complaining about the same two twits. Well, maybe you should handcuff them together for a while till they notice each other, or glue a note to their door stating each one's undying love for the other. Maybe you should just put them out of everyone's misery, including mine.

"Dear w: My friends are always getting boyfriends or have guys interested in them. They tell me just to be myself and guys will come to you but I am being myself with all my might and no guy even look twice at me. How can I get guys to notice me but still be myself? Signed, Help!" {from mimibaby}

Dear 2nd Helping: Well, your friends do have a point. If you started acting like someone else, the guys might like her, but it would not be you. If the guys are not interested in you, then it's their loss not yours. I have plenty of experience with not being noticed, believe me. Try to move into a new circle of friends, without alienating the old ones. Just start hanging out with a few new people here and there, the more people you know, the more likely you will find someone who, perhaps, has a very handsome brother with nice red hair.

Well that's all I have time for now, I am off to play a new game I heard about called Swish Bucklers. See you next issue.

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First before you go any further, DID ANYONE SPOT THE PUN?

These little pearls will be kept short in order to keep them coming fast, unlike our other story which takes a lot more setup and proofreading. Thanks to all the reviewers and the questions submitted (notice we put your pen name in bold so we cannot be accused of plagiarism. We like to give credit where credit is due.

Please review. If you like, send your own question to "WWW" in your review. We will do our best to answer them. Your penname will be posted next to your question. Please don't be insulted by any of Ron's answers, this is all in good fun. Note: Questions sent to "WWW" should preferably not come from any of the main characters in the books, especially from Ron. Pretend you are the student writing the letter (your penname will be your alias). PLEASE do not be offended by anything you see between the dotted lines, that is Ron speaking. We only write what we believe he would say. Swish Bucklers is a cool event on the MXC tv show.