Idiot Stormtrooper productions is trademark of Ian Spalding, Jared Dominey, and Matt Tharby. Use it and Matt'll hack you a new one.
Idiot Stormtrooper Productions proudly presents: Amuro's Insanity!
Everyone's favorite creep! Commander Amuro, or, as we affectionately call him here at ISP, Eyebrows-sama! (Cue 'What ABOUT 'eyebrows'?' sound byte) Ah, yes, Amuro and his eyebrows, his addiction to candy that rivals Majin Buu, his cheap imitation of Haruko's vespa, his sunglasses, his chauvanist passes at Kitsurabami... ah, we love you here at ISP. But enough fanboy worship of the dude in the suit. On with the fic'!
I can't tell you who I work for. We could say they're the government... (Sir, we do work for the government.) Kitsurabami... (Never interrupt you during your monologue, yes sir.) Good. Now where was I? Ah yes. We monitor and police alien activity on the planet earth. Like the movie, Men In Black, but with fewer instances. When they do crop up, we make sure they stay quiet. Most of them would much rather be quiet. On the other hand, the loud ones...
Dear sirs: We would like to file a complaint concerning the noise level at your household. Every night we hear screams, crashes, an engine running louder than it possibly ever could, bass guitar, and repeated cries of 'fooly cooly' and 'Haruko-san belongs to me!', followed by shouted obscenities. What the hell is fooly cooly anyways, and could you please get rid of that racket?
Signed,
(Name deleted for privacy)
Well, we try our best with the loud ones. Admsk. Ever since Medical Mechanica captured him we've been on full alert. Raharu came shortly after, just like I thought. I'd seen her before. After all, this wasn't Admsks'... Admsk's... Admsk's's... oh, screw it. This wasn't his first trip to Earth. I've seen him before, and her... But enough about that. Now my job is to catch her and throw her in whatever cell fits her best, that's what I was told by my higher ups, and you always have to listen to your higher ups.
"Sir!" Amuro, hereafter referred to as Eyebrows-sama, looked up from where he'd been writing his memoirs. Oh, sure, Kitsurabami told him he was twenty eight, that writing memoirs was stupid. Hey, he could get shot any day in this job, or snapped up alive by a monstrous central core, or run over by that damn vespa woman, or...
"Sir!" "What?!" "Your cookies are done." Eyebrows-sama stood and stretched. He bent over and slid on an oven mitt before opening the oven that had been moved into the command center. He withdrew the cookie sheet and offered it to Kitsurabami. "Cookie?" She made a disgusted face. Just one of those things would give her enough cavities to... Euch! She composed herself and calmly shook her head back and forth 'no'. Ieusus Christo, she had no idea how the man could get so much sugar into those little things! Eyebrows-sama shrugged and peeled one off the sheet with his bare hand, munching away contentedly, dropping crumbs down the front of his suit.
"Delicious. Are you sure you don't want one? I used a new recipe. It uses a sugar I got from Africa." Kitsurabsami shook her head more forcefully and waved a hand. She'd read Heart of Darkness recently. Africa meant bad news.
"Isn't there an assignment I can work on, or something?" As if on cue, an explosion rocked the command center. Amuro tossed the cookie sheet aside, eliciting curses from the poor tech it managed to hit ("ARG! So... sweet! AH! My face is getting cavities! Noooooooo!!!"). "There is now. Let's roll." "Let... Me... IN! Amuro, I know you're in there!" Haruko whacked the door again. It flew open in her face, throwing her backwards a few hundred yards. When she climbed to her feet, she waved her guitar menacingly at the as yet unseen figure in the doorway. "Watch what you're doing! Haven't you ever heard of common courtesy?" There was silence for a moment. "You..."
Haruko grinned and squinted. "Hey, you're taller now. Aw... little Amuro's grown up!" The sound of several hundred bullets being chambered into several hundred guns did not fail to reach Haruko's ears. Now that she looked around, she saw the owners of those guns were dressed in black suits. And, as Haruko's experience had taught her, men in suits usually involved shooting. Which would explain all the guns quite nicely. "Drop the bass." Eyebrows-sama stepped into the light. And just like everyone who saw him, Haruko recoiled, bringing one arm up to shield herself. "Eyebrows!" "What about eyebrows?"
Haruko shook her head. "You have grown up." "Raharu... drop the bass." Haruko dropped her voice down to a very bad gangster impression. "You'll never take me alive, coppers!"
Thousands of bullets and thourough ridicule of poor Eyebrows-sama later...
Eyebrows-sama cursed and punched the ground. "She walked right into my hands! How can she get away?! How does she do that! God damn vespa woman!"
"Sir?" "Not now, Kitsurabami!" "Sir, your eyebrows." "Huh?" He screamed. He couldn't find them anywhere! He pawed around on the ground, searching, searching...
"Oh, MAN!"
"Well, how do I look?"
Haruko struck a pose, the enormous fake eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. "Really, really, stupid." Naota muttered, not even looking at her. Canti looked into the room, a load of whites in his arms. A thumbs up flashed across his screen for a moment before he continued down the hall. Haruko looked up at her new assets and grinned. "Hey, Ta-kun..." "No way." "Oh, yes!" "No way!" "Come back here!" "Get those away from me, you crazy woman!" "Ta-kun! Are you fooly coolying my Haruko in there?" "Dad! Help!" "Don't be afraid, son! Go for the G-spot!"
Naota screamed.
Idiot Stormtrooper Productions proudly presents: Amuro's Insanity!
Everyone's favorite creep! Commander Amuro, or, as we affectionately call him here at ISP, Eyebrows-sama! (Cue 'What ABOUT 'eyebrows'?' sound byte) Ah, yes, Amuro and his eyebrows, his addiction to candy that rivals Majin Buu, his cheap imitation of Haruko's vespa, his sunglasses, his chauvanist passes at Kitsurabami... ah, we love you here at ISP. But enough fanboy worship of the dude in the suit. On with the fic'!
I can't tell you who I work for. We could say they're the government... (Sir, we do work for the government.) Kitsurabami... (Never interrupt you during your monologue, yes sir.) Good. Now where was I? Ah yes. We monitor and police alien activity on the planet earth. Like the movie, Men In Black, but with fewer instances. When they do crop up, we make sure they stay quiet. Most of them would much rather be quiet. On the other hand, the loud ones...
Dear sirs: We would like to file a complaint concerning the noise level at your household. Every night we hear screams, crashes, an engine running louder than it possibly ever could, bass guitar, and repeated cries of 'fooly cooly' and 'Haruko-san belongs to me!', followed by shouted obscenities. What the hell is fooly cooly anyways, and could you please get rid of that racket?
Signed,
(Name deleted for privacy)
Well, we try our best with the loud ones. Admsk. Ever since Medical Mechanica captured him we've been on full alert. Raharu came shortly after, just like I thought. I'd seen her before. After all, this wasn't Admsks'... Admsk's... Admsk's's... oh, screw it. This wasn't his first trip to Earth. I've seen him before, and her... But enough about that. Now my job is to catch her and throw her in whatever cell fits her best, that's what I was told by my higher ups, and you always have to listen to your higher ups.
"Sir!" Amuro, hereafter referred to as Eyebrows-sama, looked up from where he'd been writing his memoirs. Oh, sure, Kitsurabami told him he was twenty eight, that writing memoirs was stupid. Hey, he could get shot any day in this job, or snapped up alive by a monstrous central core, or run over by that damn vespa woman, or...
"Sir!" "What?!" "Your cookies are done." Eyebrows-sama stood and stretched. He bent over and slid on an oven mitt before opening the oven that had been moved into the command center. He withdrew the cookie sheet and offered it to Kitsurabami. "Cookie?" She made a disgusted face. Just one of those things would give her enough cavities to... Euch! She composed herself and calmly shook her head back and forth 'no'. Ieusus Christo, she had no idea how the man could get so much sugar into those little things! Eyebrows-sama shrugged and peeled one off the sheet with his bare hand, munching away contentedly, dropping crumbs down the front of his suit.
"Delicious. Are you sure you don't want one? I used a new recipe. It uses a sugar I got from Africa." Kitsurabsami shook her head more forcefully and waved a hand. She'd read Heart of Darkness recently. Africa meant bad news.
"Isn't there an assignment I can work on, or something?" As if on cue, an explosion rocked the command center. Amuro tossed the cookie sheet aside, eliciting curses from the poor tech it managed to hit ("ARG! So... sweet! AH! My face is getting cavities! Noooooooo!!!"). "There is now. Let's roll." "Let... Me... IN! Amuro, I know you're in there!" Haruko whacked the door again. It flew open in her face, throwing her backwards a few hundred yards. When she climbed to her feet, she waved her guitar menacingly at the as yet unseen figure in the doorway. "Watch what you're doing! Haven't you ever heard of common courtesy?" There was silence for a moment. "You..."
Haruko grinned and squinted. "Hey, you're taller now. Aw... little Amuro's grown up!" The sound of several hundred bullets being chambered into several hundred guns did not fail to reach Haruko's ears. Now that she looked around, she saw the owners of those guns were dressed in black suits. And, as Haruko's experience had taught her, men in suits usually involved shooting. Which would explain all the guns quite nicely. "Drop the bass." Eyebrows-sama stepped into the light. And just like everyone who saw him, Haruko recoiled, bringing one arm up to shield herself. "Eyebrows!" "What about eyebrows?"
Haruko shook her head. "You have grown up." "Raharu... drop the bass." Haruko dropped her voice down to a very bad gangster impression. "You'll never take me alive, coppers!"
Thousands of bullets and thourough ridicule of poor Eyebrows-sama later...
Eyebrows-sama cursed and punched the ground. "She walked right into my hands! How can she get away?! How does she do that! God damn vespa woman!"
"Sir?" "Not now, Kitsurabami!" "Sir, your eyebrows." "Huh?" He screamed. He couldn't find them anywhere! He pawed around on the ground, searching, searching...
"Oh, MAN!"
"Well, how do I look?"
Haruko struck a pose, the enormous fake eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. "Really, really, stupid." Naota muttered, not even looking at her. Canti looked into the room, a load of whites in his arms. A thumbs up flashed across his screen for a moment before he continued down the hall. Haruko looked up at her new assets and grinned. "Hey, Ta-kun..." "No way." "Oh, yes!" "No way!" "Come back here!" "Get those away from me, you crazy woman!" "Ta-kun! Are you fooly coolying my Haruko in there?" "Dad! Help!" "Don't be afraid, son! Go for the G-spot!"
Naota screamed.