Disclaimer: We don't own HP. Please don't sue us! JKR is the copyright holder.
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This story is based on a "Dear Abby"- type column, written by Ron Weasley for the Hogsmeade Herald, a newspaper that is also available at Hogwarts. Yes, this is a Ron/Hermione fic. For any readers familiar with the Speaker's Corner on CITY-TV, Ron's responses take the form of those common to the Devil's Advocates.
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WWW.WOW
Wacky Wise Wizard's: Woes of the Week: Issue #6
Can you believe the audacity of this Gabby? Me, mysonginical or whatever it was. Here I am trying to help my fellow men out here and she gives me this grief. HA! well I bet it's because she has been dumped by a guy and wants to get back at all of us so I'll forge ahead with my answers this week.
"Dear W: There is this girl in my year who always expresses her opinions on certain things, i.e: house elves. Well anyways, one of her friends always seems disagree with all of her actions, and they fight about it all the time. Does this mean that they despise each other? Or love each other to death, like everyone else thinks? Signed, Concerned Friend." {from phredtheflyingmonkey}
Dear Confused-As-I-Am : Is this the SAME TWO PEOPLE AGAIN? Well I must say, having someone who thinks she's right all the time gets very annoying. It's made worse by the fact that she usually is. This guy, obviously not a redhead, should just go with the flow and maybe just one day out of the clear blue sky, go up and kiss her right in front of everybody. That would surely shut her up.
"Dear W: Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups? If you're at a restaurant 'they all suddenly get the urge at the same time and leave us sitting there like dorks'." {from Tamira Lune}
Dear Anonymous Loon: There is a real easy explanation to this question. Girls need time to talk to brag about how great their boyfriends are and how each one's is better than the rest. The girls who have the redhead boyfriends have the hardest time. They have no idea where to start because they are so great. They could ramble on for hours. You find brown haired girls do this the most.
"Dear W: Ok, let's say I was getting snogged by this one guy on the train. Hard. Really hard. Well there is this boy I had met a couple of days earlier and got know him really well. He found out somehow, and some girl just declared her love for him. He says he can't decide who to go with. I think he is saying it just to get back at me. How should I get him to pick me? And before you turn on me, The guy on the train started it! Signed, randy and confused." {from Gun Mage}
Dear Scarlet Woman: Well the broom closet seems to be the answer to your question. Take the guy you like to a closet and let nature take its course. Oh yes! Wear something skimpy that goes well with your brown hair.
"Dearest W: Me and my girlfriend can't decide the best place at school to snog. She says McGonagall's room, but last time we caught detention. So I said the Whomping Willow. That time we both ended up in the hospital wing. What should we do?-A Boy Bruised, Battered, and In Need of Love." {from TeenTypist}
Dear Whomped and Stomped: Well, there are several places. Ask the house-elves to run interference for you and use the kitchen. There you get real hot snogs (hehehe). There is also in her dorm room. No one would guess a guy got into the girls' dorm, but getting there is your problem. The astronomy tower is also quite nice, just bring blankets. I even heard the Owlery can be a hoot.
I am adding a little poll to the end of my article. Each week we will ask another question, with the results listed in the next week's issue. Here is our first poll question:
What is the most attractive hairstyle for girls?
A) Short
B) Long
C) Medium
D) Braided
E) Bushy Brown
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First before you go any further, DID ANYONE SPOT THE PUN?
These little pearls will be kept short in order to keep them coming fast, unlike our other story which takes a lot more setup and proofreading. Thanks to all the reviewers and the questions submitted (notice we put your pen name in bold so we cannot be accused of plagiarism. We like to give credit where credit is due.
Please review. If you like, send your own question to "WWW" in your review. We will do our best to answer them. Your penname will be posted next to your question. Please don't be insulted by any of Ron's answers, this is all in good fun. Note: Questions sent to "WWW" should preferably not come from any of the main characters in the books, especially from Ron. Pretend you are the student writing the letter (your penname will be your alias). PLEASE do not be offended by anything you see between the dotted lines, that is Ron speaking. We only write what we believe he would say. Swish Bucklers is a cool event on the MXC tv show.