Idiot Stormtrooper Productions presents, even more proudly than the last
time,
Amuro's Insanity: Everybody's Got Something to Hide, 'cept for me and My Monkey!
Yessir, what could be better than just Eyebrows-sama? How about Eyebrows- sama and a monkey? Where do we come up with this... (Maybe next time we'll have a kung-fu chapter.)
He remembered. Although people dream when they're asleep, as opposed to remembering, he remembered anyway. (Sir, you're getting shoe prints on your desk.)
Go away, Kitsu-chan! You'll wake him!
(Kitsu-chan?)
Go back to sleep! You're supposed to be remembering!
I heard that. (Kitsu-chan?)
So I'm too lazy to type Kitsurubami-chan. (Ag! The narrator has a crush on me!)
Fine. Endure this and I swear I'll write a sweet Kitsu-chan/Canti fic'. (Swear?)
Yes. Now, where was I?
He remembered. Although people dream when they're asleep, as opposed to remembering, he remembered anyway. It was a long time ago. He didn't have his day job then, just a nasty night gig in an office full of smoke, with his only company being his good friend Mr. Jack Daniels, and his slightly better friend Mr. Beretta. The door always squeaked like a rusty cat when it opened, and then that bombshell just waltzed on in. His feet had been on the table then, too, his eyebrows disappearing beneath the brim of a fedora, his hairy knuckles weren't quite so hairy, but that didn't matter when he kept them in the soft, rough pockets of a trenchcoat. "Whaddya' need?" He'd asked the broad. "Sir, are you Amuro?"
"That's me. The sign on tha' door mighta' not toldya' that? Takea' seat." She sat, from somewhere soft jazz played. No color in the world then, everything in black and white... "I need help, sir."
"Help?"
"I've heard you're a straight shooter, one who works so discreetly, and I need help."
"Shooting? That'll cost ya' extra."
She tilted her head a little, smiling so seductively. "I'm sure we can..."
His eyes seemed to go over to x20 magnification as she licked her lips, so slowly.
"Work something out?"
His pants were tighter than they'd been a minute ago. His expression was having a hard time staying at that cold red steel it had always retained. He reached into a drawer and took a handful of bullets, stuffing them into his pocket. "Let's go."
Millions of bullets later, he dove behind a manhole, firing blindly at those last few goons that had been chasing them. The bombshell followed him closely like a moray eel, he stood and leaned against a door set in the wall, his arm finding the knob, twisting it and seeing that it was locked like a bad ending to a good movie. He hammered his revolver and unlocked the door in the tried and true fashion of the American lumberjack, tossing it inward with a slam. "Kinnai get that rewahrd now?" The bombshell's eyes began to glow red, like someone had recolorized Amuro's memories to a photo-negative. The soft jazz picked up it's tempo. "Hey, babe, are you alright?"
The sound of the bass became different, wilder, more distorted. The world bent in an insane perspective. And then, the most unheard of sound in film noir took hold of Amuro's senses. Electric guitar! "NO!"
Amuro's world snapped into color. Raharu's bass came crashing down on Amuro's skull. The bombshell dress shredded itself, the woman beneath in that same yellow jumpsuit she wore today. As Amuro fell back, the belt of his trenchcoat opening itself, revealing the same suit he always wore. He'd been tricked! Betrayed! "Sir?" And he didn't even get laid! "Sir!" "NOOO!!!"
"Uh, sir?"
"What is it?" "Your coffee's ready."
"Thanks, Kitsu-chan."
Kitsu-chan blushed a disgusted shade of blue.
(Oh, man, why do I have to endure this?) "Oh, and Kitsu-chan?" "Yes, sir?" "Have you seen Shabutaro?" "No, sir."
This begs the question. Who's Shabutaro?
"Sir. what is it?"
They had been deployed to clean up a mess left by a class II Polythenian apparition. The highway was a wreck. Bits of gel, destroyed cars, and the remains of some poor guitar wielding sap thrown against the highway divider were strewn everywhere. Kitsu-chan gave the creature a gentle poke. It screeched at her. She screeched back. Both ran in opposite directions. Eyebrows-sama squatted down and clucked his tongue, trying to get the little creature to come back to him. "It's a common chimpanzee, Pan troglodytes. Didn't you pay attention in high school biology?"
"Maybe! Just make it go away!" "Come here, little fellow."
The chimp sniffed Eyebrows-sama's hand apprehensively, then crawled up his arm and rested on his shoulder.
"There we go."
He smiled.
"Isn't he cute?" Kitsurubami approached it, again apprehensively.
"Well, kind of." It screeched at her again. She screamed and dove for cover, coming back up with her gun drawn. Electricity arced at the center of his forehead, winding up his eyebrows in a Jacob's ladder. "HOW DARE YOU POINT A GUN AT SOMETHING SO SWEET, INNOCENT AND DEFENCELESS!"
Now the monkey ran for cover. Amuro curled up in a corner. "And to think I once loved you..." A sweatdrop crept down the back of Kitsurubami's head. The chimpanzee approached Eyebrows-sama apprehensively, poking him once before climbing up his back and combing through his hair for lice. Of which he found none, luckily. Eyebrows-sama's eyes rolled up to look at the tiny creature.
"Aww. Isn't he cute? Let's go. Our work here is done."
"Yes, sir!"
Kitu-chan smiled. With the end of the chapter, that meant she was going to get to be in another fic', with Canti! Her eyes lit up. Oh, Canti, he's a real man! She could just be held by him for... "Kitsu-chan?"
"Coming, sir!"
We'll see you next time, on Amuro's Insanity!
Amuro's Insanity: Everybody's Got Something to Hide, 'cept for me and My Monkey!
Yessir, what could be better than just Eyebrows-sama? How about Eyebrows- sama and a monkey? Where do we come up with this... (Maybe next time we'll have a kung-fu chapter.)
He remembered. Although people dream when they're asleep, as opposed to remembering, he remembered anyway. (Sir, you're getting shoe prints on your desk.)
Go away, Kitsu-chan! You'll wake him!
(Kitsu-chan?)
Go back to sleep! You're supposed to be remembering!
I heard that. (Kitsu-chan?)
So I'm too lazy to type Kitsurubami-chan. (Ag! The narrator has a crush on me!)
Fine. Endure this and I swear I'll write a sweet Kitsu-chan/Canti fic'. (Swear?)
Yes. Now, where was I?
He remembered. Although people dream when they're asleep, as opposed to remembering, he remembered anyway. It was a long time ago. He didn't have his day job then, just a nasty night gig in an office full of smoke, with his only company being his good friend Mr. Jack Daniels, and his slightly better friend Mr. Beretta. The door always squeaked like a rusty cat when it opened, and then that bombshell just waltzed on in. His feet had been on the table then, too, his eyebrows disappearing beneath the brim of a fedora, his hairy knuckles weren't quite so hairy, but that didn't matter when he kept them in the soft, rough pockets of a trenchcoat. "Whaddya' need?" He'd asked the broad. "Sir, are you Amuro?"
"That's me. The sign on tha' door mighta' not toldya' that? Takea' seat." She sat, from somewhere soft jazz played. No color in the world then, everything in black and white... "I need help, sir."
"Help?"
"I've heard you're a straight shooter, one who works so discreetly, and I need help."
"Shooting? That'll cost ya' extra."
She tilted her head a little, smiling so seductively. "I'm sure we can..."
His eyes seemed to go over to x20 magnification as she licked her lips, so slowly.
"Work something out?"
His pants were tighter than they'd been a minute ago. His expression was having a hard time staying at that cold red steel it had always retained. He reached into a drawer and took a handful of bullets, stuffing them into his pocket. "Let's go."
Millions of bullets later, he dove behind a manhole, firing blindly at those last few goons that had been chasing them. The bombshell followed him closely like a moray eel, he stood and leaned against a door set in the wall, his arm finding the knob, twisting it and seeing that it was locked like a bad ending to a good movie. He hammered his revolver and unlocked the door in the tried and true fashion of the American lumberjack, tossing it inward with a slam. "Kinnai get that rewahrd now?" The bombshell's eyes began to glow red, like someone had recolorized Amuro's memories to a photo-negative. The soft jazz picked up it's tempo. "Hey, babe, are you alright?"
The sound of the bass became different, wilder, more distorted. The world bent in an insane perspective. And then, the most unheard of sound in film noir took hold of Amuro's senses. Electric guitar! "NO!"
Amuro's world snapped into color. Raharu's bass came crashing down on Amuro's skull. The bombshell dress shredded itself, the woman beneath in that same yellow jumpsuit she wore today. As Amuro fell back, the belt of his trenchcoat opening itself, revealing the same suit he always wore. He'd been tricked! Betrayed! "Sir?" And he didn't even get laid! "Sir!" "NOOO!!!"
"Uh, sir?"
"What is it?" "Your coffee's ready."
"Thanks, Kitsu-chan."
Kitsu-chan blushed a disgusted shade of blue.
(Oh, man, why do I have to endure this?) "Oh, and Kitsu-chan?" "Yes, sir?" "Have you seen Shabutaro?" "No, sir."
This begs the question. Who's Shabutaro?
"Sir. what is it?"
They had been deployed to clean up a mess left by a class II Polythenian apparition. The highway was a wreck. Bits of gel, destroyed cars, and the remains of some poor guitar wielding sap thrown against the highway divider were strewn everywhere. Kitsu-chan gave the creature a gentle poke. It screeched at her. She screeched back. Both ran in opposite directions. Eyebrows-sama squatted down and clucked his tongue, trying to get the little creature to come back to him. "It's a common chimpanzee, Pan troglodytes. Didn't you pay attention in high school biology?"
"Maybe! Just make it go away!" "Come here, little fellow."
The chimp sniffed Eyebrows-sama's hand apprehensively, then crawled up his arm and rested on his shoulder.
"There we go."
He smiled.
"Isn't he cute?" Kitsurubami approached it, again apprehensively.
"Well, kind of." It screeched at her again. She screamed and dove for cover, coming back up with her gun drawn. Electricity arced at the center of his forehead, winding up his eyebrows in a Jacob's ladder. "HOW DARE YOU POINT A GUN AT SOMETHING SO SWEET, INNOCENT AND DEFENCELESS!"
Now the monkey ran for cover. Amuro curled up in a corner. "And to think I once loved you..." A sweatdrop crept down the back of Kitsurubami's head. The chimpanzee approached Eyebrows-sama apprehensively, poking him once before climbing up his back and combing through his hair for lice. Of which he found none, luckily. Eyebrows-sama's eyes rolled up to look at the tiny creature.
"Aww. Isn't he cute? Let's go. Our work here is done."
"Yes, sir!"
Kitu-chan smiled. With the end of the chapter, that meant she was going to get to be in another fic', with Canti! Her eyes lit up. Oh, Canti, he's a real man! She could just be held by him for... "Kitsu-chan?"
"Coming, sir!"
We'll see you next time, on Amuro's Insanity!