Having gone a long time without updating, my store of weirdness has built
up, and will be unleashed in this chapter. But first, a few notes:
1: Reviewers: I can't believe that you could not guess who Mia was imitating! You have no Skizzles! (No, I don't know what Skizzles are either; I found them in a gamespy.com article, the gaming gourmet.) By the way, the offer is still on, but I will give you skizzles deprived a hint: The cleric that Mia was imitating is from a comic strip that is hosted by gamespy.com. Go there now and find out what it was!
2: I have a disclaimer for you:
Disclaimer: George Bush recently stated that Evil Bob still does not owninate Golden Sun, Gamespy.com, Metroid, Homestarrunner.com, Weird Al or anything else he might accidentally reference in this chapter. We still do not know why George Bush cannot say the word "own". We tried giving him a tape of Strong Sad saying the word "job" 285,968 times, but that didn't help at all.
Djinn talk: chapter 6.
[Kolima- Mia, Ivan, Garet and Flint are sitting at a table, in front of which stretch a large number of people to be interviewed for the post of main character. In the background, SOMCOS has set up a picket line, and many main characters are blasting/cutting/smashing their way through to get in line to be interviewed.]
Flint: Our first interviewee is a tree from here in Kolima. Tree, why should you get the job?
Tree: . . .
Flint: Ivan, mind read.
[Mind read]
Tree: I should be the main character because I'm a lumberjack. When all those monsters come, I can HACK KILL MAIM DESTROY BURNINATE KILL MAIM
Flint: That's enough. You don't get the job. NEXT!
[A man named 14 walks up.]
14: My name is 14 and the author put me in the story for the sole purpose of a Weird Al reference.
Flint: 14? 14! I HATE 14! WHAT A STUPID NUMBER!
14: That's it. Goodbye.
[14 disappears in a puff of smoke]
Ivan: You're in trouble, Flint. The author is 14 years old.
Flint: [gulp]
[The sky turns black, and a Giant Evil Beast, or GEB for short descends from the clouds and picks up Flint by a spike.]
Flint: NOO! NOT AN ACRONYM!
GEB: Master wants a word with you, Flint.
Flint: NO! I'll do anything!
[The GEB and Flint disappear. The day is suddenly normal.]
Ivan: Ohhhkay. . .
[Strong Bad walks up to the table.]
SB: Make me the main character, because I'm awesome!
Ivan: You didn't answer the author's email, so no.
SB: Crap.
Mia: NEXT!
[Samus Aran walks up to the table.]
Samus: I should be the main character because I'm a girl and there aren't enough girls in this party.
Mia: Ok you're hired.
[Suddenly Evil Bob appears, riding a GEB]
Evil Bob: Have you decided on someone yet?
Samus and Mia: YES!
Ivan and Garet: NO!
Evil Bob: Ok that's fine. Samus, I grant you all the powers of the main character and all that stuff.
[A light flashes, and Samus has Isaac's powers]
Evil Bob: Oh, and you can have Flint back now.
[He drops Flint and disappears]
Samus: So. I'm the main character now. What do we do?
Flint: We go to Kolima forest and free Tret from the evil influence of his alternate personality.
Ivan: Aren't we supposed to call Saturos back and have a battle?
Flint: Yeah, your point?
Ivan: Never mind.
Samus: Yeah. Go tell Tret we're ready for the sparkly scene.
Ivan: Why should I?
Samus: Because I'm the main character and you're not. Now hop to it, minor character boy!
Ivan: [grumble]
[Ivan walks offscreen. End chapter 5]
Well, now that Samus is here, Ivan no longer holds 100% of his favorite character powers. This ought to be interesting.
By the way, if you don't review, I'll send a GEB after you.
1: Reviewers: I can't believe that you could not guess who Mia was imitating! You have no Skizzles! (No, I don't know what Skizzles are either; I found them in a gamespy.com article, the gaming gourmet.) By the way, the offer is still on, but I will give you skizzles deprived a hint: The cleric that Mia was imitating is from a comic strip that is hosted by gamespy.com. Go there now and find out what it was!
2: I have a disclaimer for you:
Disclaimer: George Bush recently stated that Evil Bob still does not owninate Golden Sun, Gamespy.com, Metroid, Homestarrunner.com, Weird Al or anything else he might accidentally reference in this chapter. We still do not know why George Bush cannot say the word "own". We tried giving him a tape of Strong Sad saying the word "job" 285,968 times, but that didn't help at all.
Djinn talk: chapter 6.
[Kolima- Mia, Ivan, Garet and Flint are sitting at a table, in front of which stretch a large number of people to be interviewed for the post of main character. In the background, SOMCOS has set up a picket line, and many main characters are blasting/cutting/smashing their way through to get in line to be interviewed.]
Flint: Our first interviewee is a tree from here in Kolima. Tree, why should you get the job?
Tree: . . .
Flint: Ivan, mind read.
[Mind read]
Tree: I should be the main character because I'm a lumberjack. When all those monsters come, I can HACK KILL MAIM DESTROY BURNINATE KILL MAIM
Flint: That's enough. You don't get the job. NEXT!
[A man named 14 walks up.]
14: My name is 14 and the author put me in the story for the sole purpose of a Weird Al reference.
Flint: 14? 14! I HATE 14! WHAT A STUPID NUMBER!
14: That's it. Goodbye.
[14 disappears in a puff of smoke]
Ivan: You're in trouble, Flint. The author is 14 years old.
Flint: [gulp]
[The sky turns black, and a Giant Evil Beast, or GEB for short descends from the clouds and picks up Flint by a spike.]
Flint: NOO! NOT AN ACRONYM!
GEB: Master wants a word with you, Flint.
Flint: NO! I'll do anything!
[The GEB and Flint disappear. The day is suddenly normal.]
Ivan: Ohhhkay. . .
[Strong Bad walks up to the table.]
SB: Make me the main character, because I'm awesome!
Ivan: You didn't answer the author's email, so no.
SB: Crap.
Mia: NEXT!
[Samus Aran walks up to the table.]
Samus: I should be the main character because I'm a girl and there aren't enough girls in this party.
Mia: Ok you're hired.
[Suddenly Evil Bob appears, riding a GEB]
Evil Bob: Have you decided on someone yet?
Samus and Mia: YES!
Ivan and Garet: NO!
Evil Bob: Ok that's fine. Samus, I grant you all the powers of the main character and all that stuff.
[A light flashes, and Samus has Isaac's powers]
Evil Bob: Oh, and you can have Flint back now.
[He drops Flint and disappears]
Samus: So. I'm the main character now. What do we do?
Flint: We go to Kolima forest and free Tret from the evil influence of his alternate personality.
Ivan: Aren't we supposed to call Saturos back and have a battle?
Flint: Yeah, your point?
Ivan: Never mind.
Samus: Yeah. Go tell Tret we're ready for the sparkly scene.
Ivan: Why should I?
Samus: Because I'm the main character and you're not. Now hop to it, minor character boy!
Ivan: [grumble]
[Ivan walks offscreen. End chapter 5]
Well, now that Samus is here, Ivan no longer holds 100% of his favorite character powers. This ought to be interesting.
By the way, if you don't review, I'll send a GEB after you.