Title: Soul check
Feedback: Of course I want to know what you think otherwise I'd hide it in a folder on my computer! Kristi@allengames.com
Disclaimer: They belong to Joss. If they were mine I'd be nicer to them! At least most of the time.
Spoilers: Only if you have lived in a cave and not seen any of Angel or Buffy.
Distribution: If you want it just ask!
Author's notes: The centered offset quotes are quotes pulled from the shows. I didn't write them, I didn't think of them. Also I wanted to thank everyone who sent me feedback! This is my first fanfic and it's very inspiring! If you'd like to see more of this story let me know!
Chapter 7
Buffy cried the whole way home. She was happy to see the sprawling ranch house come into view. She was even happier that everyone was out on a slayer trip except for Dawn and Andrew.
Dawn uncharacteristically greeted her with a big hug at the door. "Come on in the living room, Dawnie. I've got some good news for you." Buffy said.
Dawn followed her into the large, open living area. Buffy collapsed on the over stuffed sectional couch and patted the seat next to her. Dawn curled into her like a cat. Buffy wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
"Dawnie, I don't know how or why, but Spike is alive. He got sent to Angel in LA. He looks good. He's still got his soul."
"ohmigod. You're kidding right? And you wouldn't let me go with! That's so not fair." Dawn immediately started raging, like the teenager she still was.
"Dawnie, I didn't know. I just found out this morning."
"Can I go to LA and see him?" Dawn asked.
Buffy sighed. "Maybe. If Giles and Willow are planning on staying we'll talk about it."
"Thank you!" Dawn kissed her on the cheek and then flew up the stairs in a flurry of excitement.
Buffy trudged up the stairs. She'd left her bags in LA. She'd been in such a hurry to put some distance between herself and Angel. She lay down on the bed, grateful for the quiet in the house. It was such a rarity with twenty-one people, seventeen of them teenage girls. The house was large. It had 6 bedrooms if one didn't count the den that had been converted into a dorm room with 10 bunk beds for all the slayers. It was still bursting at the seams when the girls were all there.
Buffy fought the tears that came unbidden to her eyes. Angel human, she couldn't even fathom it actually happening. It had been the main feature in her dreams for so long. It hurt so much that he didn't trust her with the knowledge. How stupid did he think she was? She was going to spend her entire life waiting on him whether he was human or not. She had told him once that she couldn't change and that was still true. She wasn't the sort of girl who could give her heart and soul more then once. She'd never survive it, she'd barely survived giving them to Angel.
When everyone got back from the slayer trip Buffy pretended to be asleep. She just didn't want to make explanations. She'd see everyone in the morning and maybe by then she could stop crying.
Buffy tried to get back into the daily routine around the house. All the girls got up at 8am for breakfast. Then they did group exercises in the backyard for three hours. The rest of the afternoon Robin helped them with school work. He ran an excellent home school program. Buffy was determined that none of the girls use their slayer status as a reason to drop out. If there were no slayer outings planned in the evening Faith, Buffy and Robin worked with them on their combat skills.
She had a lot of paperwork to catch up on from her trip in Ireland. There were dozens of laws that applied when one, technically, ran a school. Robin was an immense help to her with all the paperwork. She was sitting in the office trying to work up her budget for the month so she could send it to Giles. He took whatever money was needed from the Watcher's Council account and wrote her a check for the school's monthly expenses.
"It's staggering the amount of food these girls can eat." Buffy said to herself as she went through grocery receipts. She wrinkled her forehead and wrote down an amount for groceries. She begin to file through a thick pile of bills.
One of the girls, Elizabeth, poked her head in the office door. "Some totally hot guy is waiting for you in the living room."
Buffy sighed and massaged her forehead. Every guy under the age of thirty was totally hot to 16 girls cooped up in a house with only Xander, Andrew and Robin as the male figures. She was trying to remember if she had a plumber, electrician or any other workman scheduled to fix anything. "Ok, tell them I'll be there in just a second."
Angel stood in the living room of the big house. He could hear teenage girls giggling, peeking around the doorway. There were two sitting on the couch in the living room flirting with him; at least he was pretty sure they were flirting. He was old but he wasn't dead and he thought he remembered flirting.
He turned to face the doorway when he heard her walking in. She looked tired and worried. His first instinct was to move toward her, to put his arms around her and to ask what he could do. Instead he put his hands in his pockets. When she looked up her face registered surprise and then more worry.
"Angel, is something wrong?" The giggling of the girls in the other room immediately ceased and a frantic whispering started. Buffy sighed and said in a loud voice, "Girls, to your room, all of you, now."
There were several groans and complaints. Buffy was surprised to hear Maureen's voice herding them all into the dorm room.
Angel gave her his Buffy face. "You've got your hands full. They are- "
"A general pain in the ass, I know." She rolled her shoulders.
"I brought your luggage for you. I didn't know when you'd be back up in LA. I thought there might be some things you'd want in there." Angel said.
She smiled. She wanted to be angry with him. She never had been able to maintain any anger when it came to Angel. "Thank you. You really didn't have to come all that way just for my bag though."
"I didn't." he said.
"Have Giles and Wesley found out something? Or Willow?"
"Willow actually. She thinks she's getting really close."
"How close?" Buffy asked, anxiously.
Angel looked down at his shoes. "She wants to try a spell tomorrow at midnight. She needs you there for it."
Buffy felt like all the blood had drained from her body. She walked over to the couch and sat down, trying to remember how to breathe. Angel was beside her instantly, his hands on her back, touching her shoulders, supporting her.
"I've got to call her. I need to hear what she's found." Buffy finally managed.
Angel nodded and fished his cell phone out his pocket. He handed it to her. "Just press one; it will dial into Wolfram and Hart. The receptionist can connect you to Willow."
Buffy waited a moment on the phone. It seemed like a lifetime to her before Willow's voice came over the line. "Will, Angel is here."
"oh God, Buffy, I'm so glad he's there. What did he tell you?"
"He said you wanted to do a spell tomorrow night, a spell that involves his curse."
"Yah, I think I have it. It's kind of involved. I've got to try and extract all the bad parts of the curse, there was way more then just the happiness clause in there, and leave his soul. I'll explain more when you get here."
"We'll leave now, Will. Thank you, thank you so much."
"Bring Dawnie, Buffy. She might be helpful and I know Spike wants to see her."
Buffy closed the flip phone and handed it back to Angel. "Let me go throw some things in a bag really quick." She started to run up the stairs. "Dawn!" She yelled down. "Dawnie, hurry up and pack! We're going to LA."
It was late when they pulled into the Wolfram and Hart garage. Dawn was literally asleep on her feet, Buffy wasn't far behind. She got Dawn settled in a suite next to hers. Angel was waiting in for her when she closed the door to her room. She walked over and sat down cross legged on the bed. Angel sat beside her. He took her hand in his.
"If Willow is able to do this, remove the happiness clause, we won't have the curse in our way anymore. I want to talk to you about what you want to do then." Angel said.
Buffy sighed. "Angel, if this is going to be another speech about wanting me to have a normal life and children and someone who can take me in the light, I'd really rather do the heartbreaking thing tomorrow when I've had more rest."
He dropped her hand and looked down. Pain was evident in his eyes, on his face, even in his body. Immediately she was sorry. When his voice came it was husky and velvety. "Buffy, I was wrong all those years ago. Those things were all true, but they weren't the real reason I left. I was afraid. I was afraid just being near you, seeing you smile, seeing you laugh, would risk my soul. Sex has nothing to do with losing my soul, it never has. It was you, always you. I didn't lose my soul when we made love. I lost my soul lying in bed, with you in my arms, having just made love to you. It's a moment of true happiness and even though I couldn't make love to you ever again, I had to do what I call soul checks. I have to gage my happiness and just make sure it's not too much. I found myself doing those too often when I was around you. Hell, just the scent of you makes me smile."
Buffy caught his hand between hers and brought it to her lips. She was crying but it wasn't the heart wrenching, painful sobs she'd come to associate with Angel.
"You're 24 years old. You're a slayer. If what you want is marriage and children and walks along the beach at noon, then I understand and I'll let you go with a blessing and I'll pray for the rest of your life that you are happy every single day. But, I think you're old enough to make those decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you want out of life, you probably never did. I was just too stupid to realize it." Angel said.
Buffy smiled through her tears. "Angel, I have 16 teenage girls and it seems like I add one to the number everyday. I think I've got the children thing more then covered. Normal isn't a word that has ever even begun to describe my life. I may not be the slayer but I'm still a slayer and things will always come for me, just like they always have. I've always found I look better in the moonlight. It hides the bruises I get slaying and as for the marriage thing, if Willow manages to make your soul permanent, your ass will so be grass if you don't marry me."
Angel laughed and pulled her into his arm. For what he hoped would be one of the last times, he did a "soul check".
Feedback: Of course I want to know what you think otherwise I'd hide it in a folder on my computer! Kristi@allengames.com
Disclaimer: They belong to Joss. If they were mine I'd be nicer to them! At least most of the time.
Spoilers: Only if you have lived in a cave and not seen any of Angel or Buffy.
Distribution: If you want it just ask!
Author's notes: The centered offset quotes are quotes pulled from the shows. I didn't write them, I didn't think of them. Also I wanted to thank everyone who sent me feedback! This is my first fanfic and it's very inspiring! If you'd like to see more of this story let me know!
Chapter 7
Buffy cried the whole way home. She was happy to see the sprawling ranch house come into view. She was even happier that everyone was out on a slayer trip except for Dawn and Andrew.
Dawn uncharacteristically greeted her with a big hug at the door. "Come on in the living room, Dawnie. I've got some good news for you." Buffy said.
Dawn followed her into the large, open living area. Buffy collapsed on the over stuffed sectional couch and patted the seat next to her. Dawn curled into her like a cat. Buffy wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
"Dawnie, I don't know how or why, but Spike is alive. He got sent to Angel in LA. He looks good. He's still got his soul."
"ohmigod. You're kidding right? And you wouldn't let me go with! That's so not fair." Dawn immediately started raging, like the teenager she still was.
"Dawnie, I didn't know. I just found out this morning."
"Can I go to LA and see him?" Dawn asked.
Buffy sighed. "Maybe. If Giles and Willow are planning on staying we'll talk about it."
"Thank you!" Dawn kissed her on the cheek and then flew up the stairs in a flurry of excitement.
Buffy trudged up the stairs. She'd left her bags in LA. She'd been in such a hurry to put some distance between herself and Angel. She lay down on the bed, grateful for the quiet in the house. It was such a rarity with twenty-one people, seventeen of them teenage girls. The house was large. It had 6 bedrooms if one didn't count the den that had been converted into a dorm room with 10 bunk beds for all the slayers. It was still bursting at the seams when the girls were all there.
Buffy fought the tears that came unbidden to her eyes. Angel human, she couldn't even fathom it actually happening. It had been the main feature in her dreams for so long. It hurt so much that he didn't trust her with the knowledge. How stupid did he think she was? She was going to spend her entire life waiting on him whether he was human or not. She had told him once that she couldn't change and that was still true. She wasn't the sort of girl who could give her heart and soul more then once. She'd never survive it, she'd barely survived giving them to Angel.
When everyone got back from the slayer trip Buffy pretended to be asleep. She just didn't want to make explanations. She'd see everyone in the morning and maybe by then she could stop crying.
Buffy tried to get back into the daily routine around the house. All the girls got up at 8am for breakfast. Then they did group exercises in the backyard for three hours. The rest of the afternoon Robin helped them with school work. He ran an excellent home school program. Buffy was determined that none of the girls use their slayer status as a reason to drop out. If there were no slayer outings planned in the evening Faith, Buffy and Robin worked with them on their combat skills.
She had a lot of paperwork to catch up on from her trip in Ireland. There were dozens of laws that applied when one, technically, ran a school. Robin was an immense help to her with all the paperwork. She was sitting in the office trying to work up her budget for the month so she could send it to Giles. He took whatever money was needed from the Watcher's Council account and wrote her a check for the school's monthly expenses.
"It's staggering the amount of food these girls can eat." Buffy said to herself as she went through grocery receipts. She wrinkled her forehead and wrote down an amount for groceries. She begin to file through a thick pile of bills.
One of the girls, Elizabeth, poked her head in the office door. "Some totally hot guy is waiting for you in the living room."
Buffy sighed and massaged her forehead. Every guy under the age of thirty was totally hot to 16 girls cooped up in a house with only Xander, Andrew and Robin as the male figures. She was trying to remember if she had a plumber, electrician or any other workman scheduled to fix anything. "Ok, tell them I'll be there in just a second."
Angel stood in the living room of the big house. He could hear teenage girls giggling, peeking around the doorway. There were two sitting on the couch in the living room flirting with him; at least he was pretty sure they were flirting. He was old but he wasn't dead and he thought he remembered flirting.
He turned to face the doorway when he heard her walking in. She looked tired and worried. His first instinct was to move toward her, to put his arms around her and to ask what he could do. Instead he put his hands in his pockets. When she looked up her face registered surprise and then more worry.
"Angel, is something wrong?" The giggling of the girls in the other room immediately ceased and a frantic whispering started. Buffy sighed and said in a loud voice, "Girls, to your room, all of you, now."
There were several groans and complaints. Buffy was surprised to hear Maureen's voice herding them all into the dorm room.
Angel gave her his Buffy face. "You've got your hands full. They are- "
"A general pain in the ass, I know." She rolled her shoulders.
"I brought your luggage for you. I didn't know when you'd be back up in LA. I thought there might be some things you'd want in there." Angel said.
She smiled. She wanted to be angry with him. She never had been able to maintain any anger when it came to Angel. "Thank you. You really didn't have to come all that way just for my bag though."
"I didn't." he said.
"Have Giles and Wesley found out something? Or Willow?"
"Willow actually. She thinks she's getting really close."
"How close?" Buffy asked, anxiously.
Angel looked down at his shoes. "She wants to try a spell tomorrow at midnight. She needs you there for it."
Buffy felt like all the blood had drained from her body. She walked over to the couch and sat down, trying to remember how to breathe. Angel was beside her instantly, his hands on her back, touching her shoulders, supporting her.
"I've got to call her. I need to hear what she's found." Buffy finally managed.
Angel nodded and fished his cell phone out his pocket. He handed it to her. "Just press one; it will dial into Wolfram and Hart. The receptionist can connect you to Willow."
Buffy waited a moment on the phone. It seemed like a lifetime to her before Willow's voice came over the line. "Will, Angel is here."
"oh God, Buffy, I'm so glad he's there. What did he tell you?"
"He said you wanted to do a spell tomorrow night, a spell that involves his curse."
"Yah, I think I have it. It's kind of involved. I've got to try and extract all the bad parts of the curse, there was way more then just the happiness clause in there, and leave his soul. I'll explain more when you get here."
"We'll leave now, Will. Thank you, thank you so much."
"Bring Dawnie, Buffy. She might be helpful and I know Spike wants to see her."
Buffy closed the flip phone and handed it back to Angel. "Let me go throw some things in a bag really quick." She started to run up the stairs. "Dawn!" She yelled down. "Dawnie, hurry up and pack! We're going to LA."
It was late when they pulled into the Wolfram and Hart garage. Dawn was literally asleep on her feet, Buffy wasn't far behind. She got Dawn settled in a suite next to hers. Angel was waiting in for her when she closed the door to her room. She walked over and sat down cross legged on the bed. Angel sat beside her. He took her hand in his.
"If Willow is able to do this, remove the happiness clause, we won't have the curse in our way anymore. I want to talk to you about what you want to do then." Angel said.
Buffy sighed. "Angel, if this is going to be another speech about wanting me to have a normal life and children and someone who can take me in the light, I'd really rather do the heartbreaking thing tomorrow when I've had more rest."
He dropped her hand and looked down. Pain was evident in his eyes, on his face, even in his body. Immediately she was sorry. When his voice came it was husky and velvety. "Buffy, I was wrong all those years ago. Those things were all true, but they weren't the real reason I left. I was afraid. I was afraid just being near you, seeing you smile, seeing you laugh, would risk my soul. Sex has nothing to do with losing my soul, it never has. It was you, always you. I didn't lose my soul when we made love. I lost my soul lying in bed, with you in my arms, having just made love to you. It's a moment of true happiness and even though I couldn't make love to you ever again, I had to do what I call soul checks. I have to gage my happiness and just make sure it's not too much. I found myself doing those too often when I was around you. Hell, just the scent of you makes me smile."
Buffy caught his hand between hers and brought it to her lips. She was crying but it wasn't the heart wrenching, painful sobs she'd come to associate with Angel.
"You're 24 years old. You're a slayer. If what you want is marriage and children and walks along the beach at noon, then I understand and I'll let you go with a blessing and I'll pray for the rest of your life that you are happy every single day. But, I think you're old enough to make those decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you want out of life, you probably never did. I was just too stupid to realize it." Angel said.
Buffy smiled through her tears. "Angel, I have 16 teenage girls and it seems like I add one to the number everyday. I think I've got the children thing more then covered. Normal isn't a word that has ever even begun to describe my life. I may not be the slayer but I'm still a slayer and things will always come for me, just like they always have. I've always found I look better in the moonlight. It hides the bruises I get slaying and as for the marriage thing, if Willow manages to make your soul permanent, your ass will so be grass if you don't marry me."
Angel laughed and pulled her into his arm. For what he hoped would be one of the last times, he did a "soul check".