A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, and sorry. I know I haven't written for a
while, but I've been busy and I kind of ran out of any good ideas for a
while. But I'm back and ready for action now! Oh and I previously forgot
to mention my disclaimer: I do not own star trek voyager or any of its
crew. They belong to paramount or something like that. I promise I'll
write another chapter soon.
Chapter Four: Formulas and Suppositories
The Doctor awoke dazed and confused.
"Huh? What's going on here?" He then noticed Naomi in the corner rehearsing a musical she had written.
"I'm putting the best of both of my talents together! Singing, acting, and dancing! Oh, I guess that's three talents. I'm so much more talented than everyone else in the world!" she said.
"Oh, yeah, the disease. I must find a cure! Let's see, the disease is caused by the nebula so, what kind of a formula can I mix to get rid of the nebula?"
He sat down and began to think. He thought for a good while. It was maybe four or five hours before he moved again. But he finally had a revelation.
"I have it!" he cried. "Maybe if I were to create some sort of formula and make everyone on the ship drink it, they would turn back to normal! But what to compose the cure of? Perhaps if I combine everything that Divas like, they'll be satisfied and not have to control the crew anymore."
The Doctor set to work throwing things together willy nilly. First he replicated some Evian water from the twentieth century. Then he added some body glitter and fruit flavored lip gloss. Next he replicated some "Slim Fast" smoothies and other weight controlling foods and mixed everything together with a giant wooden spoon. It peculiarly looked disgusting but actually didn't smell that bad. He took the giant vat down to the mess hall. Once there, he filled many cups with the drink and put a message out through the com system.
"Attention all superstars: there is a drink being served in the cafeteria that will make you young and beautiful forever. And for many of you, it may give you some actual talent."
All of a sudden there was a great influx of every person on board. They grabbed the cups in a mad rush and chugged them down, but there was no change. The crew not only had not become themselves again, but they were as talent less as they had always been.
"False advertising! You'll be hearing from our lawyers!" they all shouted as they exited.
"Hmmm," thought the Doctor, "If that didn't work, what will? Maybe if I mix together all the things that Divas hate, then they will change back!"
So once again the doctor set to work creating a new potion. This time the ingredients included cheap perfume, tap water (circa 1997), and a bunch of stuff from Wal-Mart. Again he called the crew to the cafeteria, again it didn't work, and again they threatened to sue. The doctor, now dazed and confused, had no idea what to do next, so he combined both formulas. Yes, it was a very stupid idea, and it didn't work of course. The he was struck with a new notion.
"I know what the problem is! All this time, the formula has been in liquid form! Perhaps if I made it a suppository."
And so the doctor turned the first formula into a suppository, and it didn't work. I don't know how he got a bunch of Divas to use suppository and I'm not sure I really want to know. Then he turned the second one into a suppository, and that didn't work either. Finally he turned the last formula into a suppository, and it worked! Just kidding. It was another miserable failure. After that the doctor didn't know what to do and so he sat down in a corner of sickbay and cried. This chapter will be continued once he stops blubbering and gets on with his life.
Chapter Four: Formulas and Suppositories
The Doctor awoke dazed and confused.
"Huh? What's going on here?" He then noticed Naomi in the corner rehearsing a musical she had written.
"I'm putting the best of both of my talents together! Singing, acting, and dancing! Oh, I guess that's three talents. I'm so much more talented than everyone else in the world!" she said.
"Oh, yeah, the disease. I must find a cure! Let's see, the disease is caused by the nebula so, what kind of a formula can I mix to get rid of the nebula?"
He sat down and began to think. He thought for a good while. It was maybe four or five hours before he moved again. But he finally had a revelation.
"I have it!" he cried. "Maybe if I were to create some sort of formula and make everyone on the ship drink it, they would turn back to normal! But what to compose the cure of? Perhaps if I combine everything that Divas like, they'll be satisfied and not have to control the crew anymore."
The Doctor set to work throwing things together willy nilly. First he replicated some Evian water from the twentieth century. Then he added some body glitter and fruit flavored lip gloss. Next he replicated some "Slim Fast" smoothies and other weight controlling foods and mixed everything together with a giant wooden spoon. It peculiarly looked disgusting but actually didn't smell that bad. He took the giant vat down to the mess hall. Once there, he filled many cups with the drink and put a message out through the com system.
"Attention all superstars: there is a drink being served in the cafeteria that will make you young and beautiful forever. And for many of you, it may give you some actual talent."
All of a sudden there was a great influx of every person on board. They grabbed the cups in a mad rush and chugged them down, but there was no change. The crew not only had not become themselves again, but they were as talent less as they had always been.
"False advertising! You'll be hearing from our lawyers!" they all shouted as they exited.
"Hmmm," thought the Doctor, "If that didn't work, what will? Maybe if I mix together all the things that Divas hate, then they will change back!"
So once again the doctor set to work creating a new potion. This time the ingredients included cheap perfume, tap water (circa 1997), and a bunch of stuff from Wal-Mart. Again he called the crew to the cafeteria, again it didn't work, and again they threatened to sue. The doctor, now dazed and confused, had no idea what to do next, so he combined both formulas. Yes, it was a very stupid idea, and it didn't work of course. The he was struck with a new notion.
"I know what the problem is! All this time, the formula has been in liquid form! Perhaps if I made it a suppository."
And so the doctor turned the first formula into a suppository, and it didn't work. I don't know how he got a bunch of Divas to use suppository and I'm not sure I really want to know. Then he turned the second one into a suppository, and that didn't work either. Finally he turned the last formula into a suppository, and it worked! Just kidding. It was another miserable failure. After that the doctor didn't know what to do and so he sat down in a corner of sickbay and cried. This chapter will be continued once he stops blubbering and gets on with his life.