Disclaimer of Pretentious Joy:
"We know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is no other
God but one. For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on
earth (as there are many gods and many lords), yet for us there is one God,
the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus
Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live." - 1
Corinthians 8:4-6 ===============================================================
WHAT THE DILLIAD?
An Epic Poem
By the Illiterate Poet Cranas
Translated by Ziltron Djindjic
Published by Fumeiryo Kekka Productions
Book Three
The happy gods do not fear Death
That is for we mortal men
Soon, we all fall to the blade
Or grow old and die
But if the gods fear not Death
What thing shakes those mighty deities?
A "Fleetwood Mac" reunion tour
The sun beat down hot and heavy upon the battlefield. A long and
desperate battle had been waged that day. In vain did the fierce noble-
blooded warriors look for relief from the sweltering heat, but the
day's work was not yet done. Still, even though they were hell bent on
killing each other, the mighty forces of Clanius and the invincible
army of Dul could agree to take a lunch break.
Redoubtable Terawiz sat on a stump, eating a banana and shooting
dirty looks at Ramavis (whose mother had packed him extra Jell-O
pudding). Polynices, second cousin of Terawiz, spoke with Eteocles,
son of Granola (goddess of environmentalism) and Peter Jennings, about
the day's prospects.
"Many of the men speak of abandoning the field during the lunch
break," said all-destroying Eteocles.
"Men say many such foolish things," retorted Polynices, "I mean,
have you ever read The Watchtower?"
"Indeed," said Eteocles, "I found the Home and Garden section to
be quite informative."
Terawiz, survivor of a thousand papercuts, lifted his head with
a mighty effeminate war cry. Every man on the field of battle heard it
echo with all the rage and hate of a thousand lepers.
"You spineless fellows!" he roared, "How can you even consider
such a thing? Have you not stood by me as we fought the fierce
Amazons, who make men feel really guilty by lecturing them on Women's
Rights? And did you not look straight into the acne-ridden face of
Death as we brought down the three beasts that raided our villages
night after night? Even then, you, Polynices flayed Isaac Hanson,
while Eteocles smote Zac Hanson, while I sent Taylor Hanson down into
the halls of Haybaybee."
"We were just talking, Terawiz! No need to wet your sprocket,"
mumbled Eteocles.
Terawiz gave him a sharp look, but Eteocles already had one.
"Listen, all of you Dullian warriors!" cried Terawiz, "For Lord
Bey, god of the Sacred Keg, appeared to me in a dream and told me that
Walter had given King Ramavis into my hands!"
"But last year he told you to invest everything you own in tech
stocks," piped up Eteocles.
Terawiz ran him through with a toothpick.
"TO ARMS!" he cried, leading the Dullian warriors in a massive
attack on the Clanian lines (who were still finishing off dessert).
The Clanian warriors were taken by surprise, because no army had ever
yet violated the sacred Lunch Break, mandated by Walter himself (who
was an avid fan of deli meats). Chaos ensued as the men of Dul truly
got their whup on. Clanian blood flowed freely as Death tangoed from
dying form to still-living-but-on-its-way-out from. People who had put
down money on the Clanians felt really stupid, but King Ramavis had
not yet had his say.
"Terawiz, you cowardly liver-less sea monkey! How dare you
violate the sacred Lunch Break that the happy gods have given to all
men, rich or poor? I warn you, Walter will not suffer this insult!
What sacred law will you defy next, Casual Friday?" and then he
charged the Dullian forces with the rage of a scorned pizza-man.
The first to fall to his glock was Creon, one of the lesser-
known Beegees. Next, he wasted Mary Kate and Ashley, sons of the cross-
dressing god Notstraight and a random shepherdess. Noble hero after
noble hero fell to the fierce wrath of his 9mm. The warrior formerly
known as "Prince" shot an arrow at Ramavis, hoping to bring him down,
but it was in vain. The arrow fell to the earth, hungry for the flesh
it had been denied (later it hit a McDonalds). Ramavis then capped him
directly in the belly button, spraying his armor bearer with a
substance about the consistency of Progresso soup.
Terawiz then took his turn against Ramavis. Once again, these
two noble figures faced each other, faces splattered with gore and
unfinished lunchmeats. Terawiz looked at Ramavis. Ramavis glared at
Terawiz. Terawiz stuck his tongue out at Ramavis. Ramavis rolled his
eyes up into the back of his head at Terawiz. Terawiz stuck his
fingers up his nose. Ramavis did the hokey-pokey, turning himself
completely about.
Little did they realize the next chapter was about to start.
End Chapter Three.
--------------------------
GEE, THAT WAS FAIRLY SHORT:
Yes, yes it was. But what can I say? This story has short chapters.
SHOUT-OUTS:
Stephen Schelling, Jon Roberts, and Sammy D. You guys rock in a purely platonic way.
the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus
Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live." - 1
Corinthians 8:4-6 ===============================================================
WHAT THE DILLIAD?
An Epic Poem
By the Illiterate Poet Cranas
Translated by Ziltron Djindjic
Published by Fumeiryo Kekka Productions
Book Three
The happy gods do not fear Death
That is for we mortal men
Soon, we all fall to the blade
Or grow old and die
But if the gods fear not Death
What thing shakes those mighty deities?
A "Fleetwood Mac" reunion tour
The sun beat down hot and heavy upon the battlefield. A long and
desperate battle had been waged that day. In vain did the fierce noble-
blooded warriors look for relief from the sweltering heat, but the
day's work was not yet done. Still, even though they were hell bent on
killing each other, the mighty forces of Clanius and the invincible
army of Dul could agree to take a lunch break.
Redoubtable Terawiz sat on a stump, eating a banana and shooting
dirty looks at Ramavis (whose mother had packed him extra Jell-O
pudding). Polynices, second cousin of Terawiz, spoke with Eteocles,
son of Granola (goddess of environmentalism) and Peter Jennings, about
the day's prospects.
"Many of the men speak of abandoning the field during the lunch
break," said all-destroying Eteocles.
"Men say many such foolish things," retorted Polynices, "I mean,
have you ever read The Watchtower?"
"Indeed," said Eteocles, "I found the Home and Garden section to
be quite informative."
Terawiz, survivor of a thousand papercuts, lifted his head with
a mighty effeminate war cry. Every man on the field of battle heard it
echo with all the rage and hate of a thousand lepers.
"You spineless fellows!" he roared, "How can you even consider
such a thing? Have you not stood by me as we fought the fierce
Amazons, who make men feel really guilty by lecturing them on Women's
Rights? And did you not look straight into the acne-ridden face of
Death as we brought down the three beasts that raided our villages
night after night? Even then, you, Polynices flayed Isaac Hanson,
while Eteocles smote Zac Hanson, while I sent Taylor Hanson down into
the halls of Haybaybee."
"We were just talking, Terawiz! No need to wet your sprocket,"
mumbled Eteocles.
Terawiz gave him a sharp look, but Eteocles already had one.
"Listen, all of you Dullian warriors!" cried Terawiz, "For Lord
Bey, god of the Sacred Keg, appeared to me in a dream and told me that
Walter had given King Ramavis into my hands!"
"But last year he told you to invest everything you own in tech
stocks," piped up Eteocles.
Terawiz ran him through with a toothpick.
"TO ARMS!" he cried, leading the Dullian warriors in a massive
attack on the Clanian lines (who were still finishing off dessert).
The Clanian warriors were taken by surprise, because no army had ever
yet violated the sacred Lunch Break, mandated by Walter himself (who
was an avid fan of deli meats). Chaos ensued as the men of Dul truly
got their whup on. Clanian blood flowed freely as Death tangoed from
dying form to still-living-but-on-its-way-out from. People who had put
down money on the Clanians felt really stupid, but King Ramavis had
not yet had his say.
"Terawiz, you cowardly liver-less sea monkey! How dare you
violate the sacred Lunch Break that the happy gods have given to all
men, rich or poor? I warn you, Walter will not suffer this insult!
What sacred law will you defy next, Casual Friday?" and then he
charged the Dullian forces with the rage of a scorned pizza-man.
The first to fall to his glock was Creon, one of the lesser-
known Beegees. Next, he wasted Mary Kate and Ashley, sons of the cross-
dressing god Notstraight and a random shepherdess. Noble hero after
noble hero fell to the fierce wrath of his 9mm. The warrior formerly
known as "Prince" shot an arrow at Ramavis, hoping to bring him down,
but it was in vain. The arrow fell to the earth, hungry for the flesh
it had been denied (later it hit a McDonalds). Ramavis then capped him
directly in the belly button, spraying his armor bearer with a
substance about the consistency of Progresso soup.
Terawiz then took his turn against Ramavis. Once again, these
two noble figures faced each other, faces splattered with gore and
unfinished lunchmeats. Terawiz looked at Ramavis. Ramavis glared at
Terawiz. Terawiz stuck his tongue out at Ramavis. Ramavis rolled his
eyes up into the back of his head at Terawiz. Terawiz stuck his
fingers up his nose. Ramavis did the hokey-pokey, turning himself
completely about.
Little did they realize the next chapter was about to start.
End Chapter Three.
--------------------------
GEE, THAT WAS FAIRLY SHORT:
Yes, yes it was. But what can I say? This story has short chapters.
SHOUT-OUTS:
Stephen Schelling, Jon Roberts, and Sammy D. You guys rock in a purely platonic way.