Disclaimer of Pretentious Joy: "We know that an idol is nothing in the
world, and that there is no other God but one. For even if there are so-
called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many
lords), yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things,
and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and
through whom we live." - 1 Corinthians 8:4-6
WHAT THE DILLIAD?
An Epic Poem
By the Illiterate Poet Cranas
Translated by Ziltron Djindjic
Published by Fumeiryo Kekka Productions
Book Four
Redoubtable Terawiz, a lament!
For you thought victory was assured
But little did you suspect
Your advocate and god,
Lord Bey the Intoxicated,
Had a hangover
"Ramavis," said Terawiz, "Why do you hide behind the formidable
Glockious, formidable though he may be? Will you not face me now like
a man, or will you hide behind your gun like a craven dog?"
"Terawiz," said Ramavis, "The only craven dog that will be on
this field of battle will be you!" And he dropped his gun and drew his
blade of plastic.
The two god-like heroes fell upon each other time after time,
blades singing a bloody tune. The bronze could not throw down the
plastic, and the plastic could not throw down the bronze. They spun
and whirled in a mortal waltz. Then they square danced, followed by a
quick freestyle dance competition. Terawiz did his rendition of "The
Robot", while Ramavis did a more break-dancing inspired set of moves.
Feet flew in furious dance competition that would make Michael
Jackson blush. Every conceivable combination of hip gyrating, arm
flailing, and leg moves was tried. But neither warrior could find a
routine that would send his opponent packing. The day wore on, hours
on end. Both armies stood in enraptured awe at the sheer physical
prowess required. But then, Terawiz made his fatal mistake:
He shook his groove thang.
Infuriated by this breach of the Clanian Code of Conduct (which
was, incidentally, a lot less restrictive than Bob Jones
University's), Ramavis, forgetting that the fight had turned into a
dance battle, plunged his sword of plastic straight through the lower
intestine of Terawiz.
"Shoot!" cried Ramavis, "I didn't know that my sword could do
that!"
"Well, crap," wailed Terawiz, right before plunging face forward
into the earth.
"Minus two points, my foe, minus two points," said King Ramavis,
his face aglow in triumph.
The Clanian forces got new ferocity from their great victory.
The Dullians could not stand without their noble leader. They were
chased in an all-out rout all the way back to their walled cities. The
women and the children of the cities cried in mourning, for they knew
that soon the city would be burned to rubble, their children made
slaves, and the new carpet all mucked up.
An eerie silence settled over the battlefield as King Ramavis
marched to the front of his army. Some say that he meant to give
leniency to the Dullian forces, for his quarrel was only with Terawiz.
Some say that the Dullians would still be a free and proud people to
this very day. But as Ramavis raised his arms to address his men, a
terrible thing happened.
Ramavis stood ready to speak with his mouth open, head tilted
back to the heavens to ask for the blessing of Walter.
Some fool, sitting inside the city wall, hocked a lugie right
over the wall.
Put two and two together.
Ramavis, gagged, spat, and cried out, "KILL EM ALL!"
End Book Four.
--------------------------
NOT MUCH TO SAY AT THIS POINT:
And it just gets worse.
POST TENEBRAS LUX
WHAT THE DILLIAD?
An Epic Poem
By the Illiterate Poet Cranas
Translated by Ziltron Djindjic
Published by Fumeiryo Kekka Productions
Book Four
Redoubtable Terawiz, a lament!
For you thought victory was assured
But little did you suspect
Your advocate and god,
Lord Bey the Intoxicated,
Had a hangover
"Ramavis," said Terawiz, "Why do you hide behind the formidable
Glockious, formidable though he may be? Will you not face me now like
a man, or will you hide behind your gun like a craven dog?"
"Terawiz," said Ramavis, "The only craven dog that will be on
this field of battle will be you!" And he dropped his gun and drew his
blade of plastic.
The two god-like heroes fell upon each other time after time,
blades singing a bloody tune. The bronze could not throw down the
plastic, and the plastic could not throw down the bronze. They spun
and whirled in a mortal waltz. Then they square danced, followed by a
quick freestyle dance competition. Terawiz did his rendition of "The
Robot", while Ramavis did a more break-dancing inspired set of moves.
Feet flew in furious dance competition that would make Michael
Jackson blush. Every conceivable combination of hip gyrating, arm
flailing, and leg moves was tried. But neither warrior could find a
routine that would send his opponent packing. The day wore on, hours
on end. Both armies stood in enraptured awe at the sheer physical
prowess required. But then, Terawiz made his fatal mistake:
He shook his groove thang.
Infuriated by this breach of the Clanian Code of Conduct (which
was, incidentally, a lot less restrictive than Bob Jones
University's), Ramavis, forgetting that the fight had turned into a
dance battle, plunged his sword of plastic straight through the lower
intestine of Terawiz.
"Shoot!" cried Ramavis, "I didn't know that my sword could do
that!"
"Well, crap," wailed Terawiz, right before plunging face forward
into the earth.
"Minus two points, my foe, minus two points," said King Ramavis,
his face aglow in triumph.
The Clanian forces got new ferocity from their great victory.
The Dullians could not stand without their noble leader. They were
chased in an all-out rout all the way back to their walled cities. The
women and the children of the cities cried in mourning, for they knew
that soon the city would be burned to rubble, their children made
slaves, and the new carpet all mucked up.
An eerie silence settled over the battlefield as King Ramavis
marched to the front of his army. Some say that he meant to give
leniency to the Dullian forces, for his quarrel was only with Terawiz.
Some say that the Dullians would still be a free and proud people to
this very day. But as Ramavis raised his arms to address his men, a
terrible thing happened.
Ramavis stood ready to speak with his mouth open, head tilted
back to the heavens to ask for the blessing of Walter.
Some fool, sitting inside the city wall, hocked a lugie right
over the wall.
Put two and two together.
Ramavis, gagged, spat, and cried out, "KILL EM ALL!"
End Book Four.
--------------------------
NOT MUCH TO SAY AT THIS POINT:
And it just gets worse.
POST TENEBRAS LUX