Stuff in "Jak II" that Wasn't Supposed to be Caught on Tape, but Was!
By Pokémaniac Chelsea/Krimzon Guard Chelsea... No duh. o.o
+ This is just some stupid little thing I was making up with my brother while he was playing one of my favorite games, "Jak II". Yes, it uses the directors' *REAL* names in here, so please don't report me like some dude did LAST time. *Shifty eyes* I mean, I know some 'fics that have THEIR director's names in it, so it would be okay to have mine in there too, aye? Good! Glad you understand. This story contains SPOILERS if it goes on for a long time...so...um beware. I hope this is funny and brightens your day or something...
+ And I am using the script and characters without any permission, so er...yeah!
* * *
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE ONE))
[ The camera fades-in to a black screen. You can hear SAMOS' voice-over. ]
SAMOS: For every age, there is a time of trial.
(A "SONY ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS" sign comes up and then fades away)
SAMOS: The rocks faced such a fire before they were the strength beneath our feet.
(A "GAME BY NAUGHTY DOG" sign pops up and then fades away)
SAMOS: The plants braved vast winds before their roots could give us life.
(A "JAK II" sign pops up and then fades away.)
SAMOS: As a sage of considerable years, I have known only one such great ordeal. Yet the hero it created was a champion of all time.
(The camera now gets a scene of Sandover Village, with KEIRA, KID JAK, DAXTER and SAMOS in some kind of vehicle, sitting in front of a Precursor Ring)
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...for whatever um...er... Hey, what was my line again?
(Everyone on stage laughs, except for JAK, who seems to be a mute)
[ We now see a picture of Evan Wells and Daniel Arey, directors for the original "Jak & Daxter". ]
WELLS: Come on, SAMOS! We went through this ONE BILLION times during the rehearsal!
AREY: What's wrong?
WELLS: I think SAMOS' head got a little moldy with that freakin' log on top of it.
SAMOS: Ummm...
WELLS: Your line is, "I hope you are prepared, for whatever happens!"
SAMOS: Oh! I'm sorry, my lad. I'm just a little rusty!
WELLS: *Mumbles: "I can tell."*
AREY: Aw, come on! Give the guy a break! Take two!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWO)
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared, for...UHHHHH!?! Hey, what am I talking about again?
(WELLS slaps his head so hard, he stumbles backwards)
AREY: "Whatever happens"?
SAMOS: Ah, that's it!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE THIRTEEN))
SAMOS: Today's the big day, ZACH!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWENTY-ONE))
SAMOS: Today's the big night, JAK!
WELLS: ...
SAMOS: Actually, that reminds me of a rhyme! One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fi--
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE FORTY-FIVE))
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...
(WELLS sighs, getting ready to cut)
SAMOS: ...for whatever reason!
WELLS: Phew!
KEIRA: I think I figured out most of this machine. It interacts somehow...
(KEIRA pats the machine's hull)
KEIRA: ...with that large Precursor Ring. I just hope we didn't break anything--
(The machine suddenly rumbles and then collapses on the ground)
DAXTER: Uhhh, was that supposed to happen?
WELLS: NAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
AREY: So close, but yet so far away! Let's just...go on to the next scene...yeah!
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((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE ONE))
[ The camera opens up to a gray laboratory of some sort. ADULT JAK is now seen being tortured and electrocuted by a ray gun or something. He has now acquired yellow-green slicked-back hair and a goatee. ]
JAK: AAAGH NNNNGH ARGH!!!
(JAK falls unconscious)
COMPUTER: Dark Eco injection cycle complete. Bio readings nominal and unchanged.
PRAXIS: Hmmph! Nothing! I was informed that this one might be different!
EROL: He is surprisingly resistant to your "experiments", Baron Praxis! I fear the Dark Warrior program has failed.
PRAXIS: Argh!
(PRAXIS grabs JAK's head)
PRAXIS: You should at least be dead with all the Dark Eco I've "pumped" into you!
(PRAXIS' eyebrows go up and down)
JAK: Uhhh!?
WELLS: CUT!! PRAXIS, stop acting like a pervert!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FOUR))
EROL: What now? Metal Head armies are pressing their attacks! Without a new weapon, my men cannot hold them off forever!
PRAXIS: I will not be remembered as the man who lost this city to those vile creatures! Move forward with the final plan! And "finish" off this THING tonight!
(PRAXIS makes a flirtatious face at JAK and grins at EROL. WELLS stands up)
WELLS: PRAXIS!!!!!!!!!
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE NINE))
AREY: And action!
(The directors' snappy-thing breaks)
AREY: Oops.
EROL: As you wish.
(EROL puts his face up near JAK'S, so their faces almost touch)
EROL: I'll be back later.
(EROL smiles)
JAK: Ew, that's just wrong.
(PRAXIS walks up from behind the scene)
PRAXIS: Nice job!
(PRAXIS high fives EROL)
JAK: For the love of Mar. Please. Stop. You guys need a--
(STAGE CREW DUDE bleeps out JAK's next word)
JAK: --ing room!
WELLS: CUT!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FIFTEEN))
[ Everyone is gone from the room, except for JAK, who is still strapped to the chair. DAXTER is seen riding up an elevator to JAK's chair. ]
DAXTER: Hmmm... Ding ding! Third floor! Body chains --
JAK: That's it, I'm getting the HELL out of here!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE THIRTY-THREE))
[ DAXTER is now seen on top of JAK'S body after he had found him. JAK is still strapped in the chair. ]
DAXTER: Hey buddy, seen any heroes around here?
(DAXTER is shocked by JAK's look)
DAXTER: Woah, what happened to you? JAK! It's me, DAXTER!
(JAK takes a look at DAXTER, but flinches)
DAXTER: Well, that's a fine hello! I've been crawling around this place, risking my tail...literally...to save you! I've been looking for you for two years! Say something! Just this once!!
JAK: I'm gonna kill PRAXIS!
DAXTER: Shhhh! Right now, we got to get you outta here! Just let me figure how to open up the security locks for your chair so...
(JAK screams)
JAK: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
(JAK glows, and changes, then a demon form takes his place)
INUYASHA: Ta da!!
DAXTER: HUH?!
(The whole cast and crew starts laughing)
INUYASHA: Ha ha ha!!
WELLS: CUT!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE SEVENTY-TWO))
[ JAK is seen, still strapped in the chair. ]
EROL: ...I'll be back later.
WELLS: CUT! Good job, guys! That's enough for today!
AREY: See you guys tomorrow!
JAK: Uh, hello?!
(EROL, PRAXIS, and everyone else leave the set. The stage crew dude turns off all the lights and equipment.)
JAK: Ummm, GUYS?!
(The door slams shut, flooding the door with pitch-blackness)
JAK: Hey! What about me?! I'm still strapped in this chair! DAXTER? PRAXIS?! EROL?! COMPUTER?!! Anyone?!
(JAK sniffs sadly)
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((PROTECTING KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE ONE))
[ We see JAK and DAXTER stumbling around in some old slums. They bump into a white-haired dude with funky hair and a little boy with green hair. ]
KOR: Hello strangers, my name is Kor. May I help...
JAK: You look like a reasonably smart man. I want information! Where the HELL am I?
BOY: I know! Pick me!
WELLS: CUT!! LITTLE BOY, you are not supposed to talk! Your voice sounds God-awful!
BOY: You know what? That's what I hate about his stupid game! I NEVER talk! I'm a waste of freakin' data because all I do is stand around and look stupid! Why can't I have a line? There's no point of me because I don't do ANYTHING!
JAK: Don't worry, LITTLE BOY. I feel your pain. In the original game, I couldn't even grunt when I died.
BOY: Yes, SAME! Look at all the Krimzon guards about to come and butcher me alive, and all I can do is smile like a freaky little clown!
(Two KRIMZON GUARDS walk up)
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Well, at least you actually don't have to say the same thing over and over again!
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Yeah, like, "He's headed into Sector [Insert Number Here]" and stupid things like, "I'm hit!"
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Yeah! No duh you're hit! If you just fell dead, I think something must've hit you!
JAK: I think there should be a strike! Where are those blimey writers? I'm gonna kill them!
WELLS: CUT!
((PROTECT KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE TWO))
[ JAK, BOY, and the two KRIMZON GUARDS are seen holding up posters/signs and marching around in a circle. ]
JAK: "Workers of the Word, Unite!"
BOY: "Adjectives Bring Your Ancestors Back from the Dead!" Wait, who translated this poster?
KRIMZON GUARD #1: "Adverbs: It's All Within Your Reach!"
KRIMZON GUARD #2: "Verb: It's what you do!"
VERB COMMERCIAL GUY: Hey! Copycat! Plagiarizer!
JAK: Quick! Start the Loudsilence song!
(KOR starts playing his new Ludwig drum set)
JAK: Words! Words!
BOY: We need our--
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Words!
JAK: They need to bind our throats--
BOY: Like all these--
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Girds!
JAK: They need to flow out of our mouths--
BOY: In--
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Many herds!
JAK: Words! Words! Now! Sound off!
BOY: One! Two!
JAK: Sound off!
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Three four!
JAK: Bring it on down!
ALL: One, two, three, four! ONE TWO...THREE FOUR!
AREY: Nice show! I give it an A plus! Now on to Broadway!
WELLS: Fine! I might give you lines in the collector's edition or something if you JUST get BACK to WORK!
(AREY embraces WELLS)
AREY: Scary!
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((MEETING TORN: TAKE ONE))
[ We see JAK and DAXTER in some old alleyway in the slums after fighting off all these Krimzon guards. They are about to enter a secret area when a red-haired dude with gray markings all over his face and a blond girl pop out of nowhere. ]
DAXTER: Woah! That girl looks like she came out of Lord of the Rings!
(JAK and RED-HAIRED DUDE roll their eyes)
DAXTER: Wasn't it cool when that guy went, "No man can defeat me!" and then she took off her mask and was like... "I'm not a man!" That was bloody awesome, huh?! HUH HUH HUH!?! And then she took that sword and--
WELLS: DAXTER! Three things! Shut! The Hell! Up!
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KGC: Okay, I'll probably continue tomorrow, or whenever I get in the mood. Tell me how you like it. Sorry for the crude humor, but as Baron Praxis said:
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!
KGC: Okay, goodnight! Please don't report me again like last time. O.o
+ This is just some stupid little thing I was making up with my brother while he was playing one of my favorite games, "Jak II". Yes, it uses the directors' *REAL* names in here, so please don't report me like some dude did LAST time. *Shifty eyes* I mean, I know some 'fics that have THEIR director's names in it, so it would be okay to have mine in there too, aye? Good! Glad you understand. This story contains SPOILERS if it goes on for a long time...so...um beware. I hope this is funny and brightens your day or something...
+ And I am using the script and characters without any permission, so er...yeah!
* * *
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE ONE))
[ The camera fades-in to a black screen. You can hear SAMOS' voice-over. ]
SAMOS: For every age, there is a time of trial.
(A "SONY ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS" sign comes up and then fades away)
SAMOS: The rocks faced such a fire before they were the strength beneath our feet.
(A "GAME BY NAUGHTY DOG" sign pops up and then fades away)
SAMOS: The plants braved vast winds before their roots could give us life.
(A "JAK II" sign pops up and then fades away.)
SAMOS: As a sage of considerable years, I have known only one such great ordeal. Yet the hero it created was a champion of all time.
(The camera now gets a scene of Sandover Village, with KEIRA, KID JAK, DAXTER and SAMOS in some kind of vehicle, sitting in front of a Precursor Ring)
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...for whatever um...er... Hey, what was my line again?
(Everyone on stage laughs, except for JAK, who seems to be a mute)
[ We now see a picture of Evan Wells and Daniel Arey, directors for the original "Jak & Daxter". ]
WELLS: Come on, SAMOS! We went through this ONE BILLION times during the rehearsal!
AREY: What's wrong?
WELLS: I think SAMOS' head got a little moldy with that freakin' log on top of it.
SAMOS: Ummm...
WELLS: Your line is, "I hope you are prepared, for whatever happens!"
SAMOS: Oh! I'm sorry, my lad. I'm just a little rusty!
WELLS: *Mumbles: "I can tell."*
AREY: Aw, come on! Give the guy a break! Take two!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWO)
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared, for...UHHHHH!?! Hey, what am I talking about again?
(WELLS slaps his head so hard, he stumbles backwards)
AREY: "Whatever happens"?
SAMOS: Ah, that's it!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE THIRTEEN))
SAMOS: Today's the big day, ZACH!
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWENTY-ONE))
SAMOS: Today's the big night, JAK!
WELLS: ...
SAMOS: Actually, that reminds me of a rhyme! One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fi--
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE FORTY-FIVE))
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...
(WELLS sighs, getting ready to cut)
SAMOS: ...for whatever reason!
WELLS: Phew!
KEIRA: I think I figured out most of this machine. It interacts somehow...
(KEIRA pats the machine's hull)
KEIRA: ...with that large Precursor Ring. I just hope we didn't break anything--
(The machine suddenly rumbles and then collapses on the ground)
DAXTER: Uhhh, was that supposed to happen?
WELLS: NAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
AREY: So close, but yet so far away! Let's just...go on to the next scene...yeah!
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((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE ONE))
[ The camera opens up to a gray laboratory of some sort. ADULT JAK is now seen being tortured and electrocuted by a ray gun or something. He has now acquired yellow-green slicked-back hair and a goatee. ]
JAK: AAAGH NNNNGH ARGH!!!
(JAK falls unconscious)
COMPUTER: Dark Eco injection cycle complete. Bio readings nominal and unchanged.
PRAXIS: Hmmph! Nothing! I was informed that this one might be different!
EROL: He is surprisingly resistant to your "experiments", Baron Praxis! I fear the Dark Warrior program has failed.
PRAXIS: Argh!
(PRAXIS grabs JAK's head)
PRAXIS: You should at least be dead with all the Dark Eco I've "pumped" into you!
(PRAXIS' eyebrows go up and down)
JAK: Uhhh!?
WELLS: CUT!! PRAXIS, stop acting like a pervert!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FOUR))
EROL: What now? Metal Head armies are pressing their attacks! Without a new weapon, my men cannot hold them off forever!
PRAXIS: I will not be remembered as the man who lost this city to those vile creatures! Move forward with the final plan! And "finish" off this THING tonight!
(PRAXIS makes a flirtatious face at JAK and grins at EROL. WELLS stands up)
WELLS: PRAXIS!!!!!!!!!
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE NINE))
AREY: And action!
(The directors' snappy-thing breaks)
AREY: Oops.
EROL: As you wish.
(EROL puts his face up near JAK'S, so their faces almost touch)
EROL: I'll be back later.
(EROL smiles)
JAK: Ew, that's just wrong.
(PRAXIS walks up from behind the scene)
PRAXIS: Nice job!
(PRAXIS high fives EROL)
JAK: For the love of Mar. Please. Stop. You guys need a--
(STAGE CREW DUDE bleeps out JAK's next word)
JAK: --ing room!
WELLS: CUT!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FIFTEEN))
[ Everyone is gone from the room, except for JAK, who is still strapped to the chair. DAXTER is seen riding up an elevator to JAK's chair. ]
DAXTER: Hmmm... Ding ding! Third floor! Body chains --
JAK: That's it, I'm getting the HELL out of here!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE THIRTY-THREE))
[ DAXTER is now seen on top of JAK'S body after he had found him. JAK is still strapped in the chair. ]
DAXTER: Hey buddy, seen any heroes around here?
(DAXTER is shocked by JAK's look)
DAXTER: Woah, what happened to you? JAK! It's me, DAXTER!
(JAK takes a look at DAXTER, but flinches)
DAXTER: Well, that's a fine hello! I've been crawling around this place, risking my tail...literally...to save you! I've been looking for you for two years! Say something! Just this once!!
JAK: I'm gonna kill PRAXIS!
DAXTER: Shhhh! Right now, we got to get you outta here! Just let me figure how to open up the security locks for your chair so...
(JAK screams)
JAK: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
(JAK glows, and changes, then a demon form takes his place)
INUYASHA: Ta da!!
DAXTER: HUH?!
(The whole cast and crew starts laughing)
INUYASHA: Ha ha ha!!
WELLS: CUT!
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE SEVENTY-TWO))
[ JAK is seen, still strapped in the chair. ]
EROL: ...I'll be back later.
WELLS: CUT! Good job, guys! That's enough for today!
AREY: See you guys tomorrow!
JAK: Uh, hello?!
(EROL, PRAXIS, and everyone else leave the set. The stage crew dude turns off all the lights and equipment.)
JAK: Ummm, GUYS?!
(The door slams shut, flooding the door with pitch-blackness)
JAK: Hey! What about me?! I'm still strapped in this chair! DAXTER? PRAXIS?! EROL?! COMPUTER?!! Anyone?!
(JAK sniffs sadly)
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((PROTECTING KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE ONE))
[ We see JAK and DAXTER stumbling around in some old slums. They bump into a white-haired dude with funky hair and a little boy with green hair. ]
KOR: Hello strangers, my name is Kor. May I help...
JAK: You look like a reasonably smart man. I want information! Where the HELL am I?
BOY: I know! Pick me!
WELLS: CUT!! LITTLE BOY, you are not supposed to talk! Your voice sounds God-awful!
BOY: You know what? That's what I hate about his stupid game! I NEVER talk! I'm a waste of freakin' data because all I do is stand around and look stupid! Why can't I have a line? There's no point of me because I don't do ANYTHING!
JAK: Don't worry, LITTLE BOY. I feel your pain. In the original game, I couldn't even grunt when I died.
BOY: Yes, SAME! Look at all the Krimzon guards about to come and butcher me alive, and all I can do is smile like a freaky little clown!
(Two KRIMZON GUARDS walk up)
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Well, at least you actually don't have to say the same thing over and over again!
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Yeah, like, "He's headed into Sector [Insert Number Here]" and stupid things like, "I'm hit!"
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Yeah! No duh you're hit! If you just fell dead, I think something must've hit you!
JAK: I think there should be a strike! Where are those blimey writers? I'm gonna kill them!
WELLS: CUT!
((PROTECT KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE TWO))
[ JAK, BOY, and the two KRIMZON GUARDS are seen holding up posters/signs and marching around in a circle. ]
JAK: "Workers of the Word, Unite!"
BOY: "Adjectives Bring Your Ancestors Back from the Dead!" Wait, who translated this poster?
KRIMZON GUARD #1: "Adverbs: It's All Within Your Reach!"
KRIMZON GUARD #2: "Verb: It's what you do!"
VERB COMMERCIAL GUY: Hey! Copycat! Plagiarizer!
JAK: Quick! Start the Loudsilence song!
(KOR starts playing his new Ludwig drum set)
JAK: Words! Words!
BOY: We need our--
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Words!
JAK: They need to bind our throats--
BOY: Like all these--
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Girds!
JAK: They need to flow out of our mouths--
BOY: In--
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Many herds!
JAK: Words! Words! Now! Sound off!
BOY: One! Two!
JAK: Sound off!
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Three four!
JAK: Bring it on down!
ALL: One, two, three, four! ONE TWO...THREE FOUR!
AREY: Nice show! I give it an A plus! Now on to Broadway!
WELLS: Fine! I might give you lines in the collector's edition or something if you JUST get BACK to WORK!
(AREY embraces WELLS)
AREY: Scary!
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((MEETING TORN: TAKE ONE))
[ We see JAK and DAXTER in some old alleyway in the slums after fighting off all these Krimzon guards. They are about to enter a secret area when a red-haired dude with gray markings all over his face and a blond girl pop out of nowhere. ]
DAXTER: Woah! That girl looks like she came out of Lord of the Rings!
(JAK and RED-HAIRED DUDE roll their eyes)
DAXTER: Wasn't it cool when that guy went, "No man can defeat me!" and then she took off her mask and was like... "I'm not a man!" That was bloody awesome, huh?! HUH HUH HUH!?! And then she took that sword and--
WELLS: DAXTER! Three things! Shut! The Hell! Up!
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KGC: Okay, I'll probably continue tomorrow, or whenever I get in the mood. Tell me how you like it. Sorry for the crude humor, but as Baron Praxis said:
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!
KGC: Okay, goodnight! Please don't report me again like last time. O.o